The Republican. [volume], May 05, 1877, Image 2

About The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
Tlie Republican.
J AS. A. HAYDEN. PnblLhrr.
OAKLAND, GARRETT CO., MD.
VARIETIES.
—Paris has “ nail doctors. 'i
—Mississippi’s peddler’s license is
SI,OOO.
—ln Mexico three girls are born to one
boy.
—Don’t preach charity and leave some
body else to practice it.
—A tax that no one likes —Attacks on
one’s pocket.
—Organ grinding tends to make a man
rather cranky.
—A patent has been securedfor an im
proved hen’s nest.
—How to make a good impression—
Use new type and clean ink.
—A Jersey City woman of sixty-three
years has spent fifty of them in jail.
—The tramp is thinking of starting on
his summer tour.
—The telephone is specially adapted to
popping the question.
—The Third National Bank, of Bris
tol, R. 1., has three woman directors.
—ln New York the Dolman is the styl
ish feminine street garb.
—Too much gravi-tation—Upsetting a
tureen in your lap at a dinner party.
—Apropos of matrimony, aproposal is
suggested as the first requisite.
—What is that which increases the
more you take from it? Why, a hole, of
course.
—Gold earrings in the shape of slender
ladders with six steps are the latest nov
elty in jewelry.
lsn’t it better to be a prophet with
out honor, etc., than to have an honor
without profit?
—lt is understood that Mr. Cornelius
Vanderbilt, Jr., has not yet finished mak
ing the will of his late father, the Com
modore.
—A vain lowan wanted her teeth
plugged “so that the gold would show
when she laughed.”
—The Eastern question: “ How much
are those Western fellows going to buy
from us this year?”
—The reason w-hy lovers are never
weary of one another is this—they are
always talking of themselves. — Roche
foucald.
—“The sacred heavens around him
shine,” wrote the poet. The Intelligent
Compositor put it: “ The sacred hyenas
around him whined.”
—Philadelphia claims to be the great
est of American industrial centers, to
have 817,000 inhabitants, and only $73,-
000,000 worth of debt.
—“lnsults,” says a •modern philoso
pher, “are like counterfeit money. We
cannot hinder their being offered, but we
are not compelled to take them.”
—Japan sends to this country over
5,000,000 fans per year. Other coun
tries send 10,000,000. Home industry
makes 30,000,000.
—lf he could only see how small the
vacancy his death would leave, the
proud man would think less of the place
he occupies in his life-time.
—We should like to kindly but stoutly
affirm, as summer is drawing near, that
we have no relatives in Philadelphia, and
never claimed to have.
—As William drew his Susy near,
He whispered to Ills bride:
“ Though queer it sounds, i love,my dear,
To live by Susy’s side.”
—lt is useless trying to study the
character of a young man by the back of
his head while the present style of stand
ing collar keeps in vogue.
—The old folks are warned that the
new comet comes so late in the night
that it is only safe for young and
healthy people to sit up and watch for it.
—A French philosopher declares that
much more depends on how a woman
wears her dress than on what it is made
of, and on how a man talks than on what
he says.
—An estate on Tremont street, Boston,
was sold by auction recently for $29,850,
of which the assessed value was $35,000,
and five years ago the owner was offered
and refused $05,000 for it.
—James Baxter, of Baltimore, would
be a good man to send to the Black Hills.
A pistol was fired at him in a recent fight
and the ball flattened on his forehead
without injuring him.
—One boy was killed and another
badly stunned by lightning, at a game of
base-ball at Dallas, Tex., the other day,
and yet neither of them were of the
players.
—Gen. Pleasonton, the discoverer of the
blue-glass cure, is said to be a great suf
ferer from rheumatism. This prevents
him from pushing his discovery as he
would like to.
—Eastern papers are laughing at a
minister who conducted services in a
Penitentiary recently, and opened his re
marks by expressing his gratitude at see
ing so many present.
—A man made a bet that he could ride
a fly-wheel in a saw-mill, and, as his
widow paid the bet, she remarked:
“ William was a kind husband, but he
did not know much about fly-wheels.”
—lt is observed that when a savage
on the Western plains kills a mail-carrier,
he takes only the registered letters. The
Indian is becoming more and more en
lightened.
—ln a suit recently heard in New York
State, the sum involved is about S7O.
Already the case has been on the trial
list for no less than six years, and the
actual court costs have exceeded $3,500.
—A house in Rutland, Vt., has this
legend on the gate post: “Nineteen
agents have called Tiere this morning;
we always shoot the twentieth.” No
agent has touched the bell-knob since
the placard was posted.
—“ Miss Grundy" relieves the public
mind by writing that, though the Presi
dent does not wea- gloves at his recep
tions, he holds a pair of fresh white kid
gloves in his left hand while he shakes
hands with his right.
—A man never knows just when he is
missing a golden opportunity. William
M. Evarts at one time had a chance to
be secretary of a life-insurance company.
He did not improve his opportunity, and
see where he is stranded now.— Hawk-
Eye.
—A gentleman in Paris lost SIOO,OOO
at gambling in a single day. We have
our faults, of course, but can proudly
point to the fact that no one ever yet ac
cused us of gambling away SIOO,OOO in a
day.— Bridgeport Standard.
—Whatjmore sublime sight can be im
agined than a very tall man who takes
long steps, with an up-and-down, double
hack-action motion, walking with a little,
short, insignificant-looking fellow whose
legs fly back and forth like the knife of
a sausage-cutter?
—Some people who, of course, know
all about it, predict that yellow as a
fashionable color will have a short reign.
More than the merest suggestion of this
glaring shade is vulgar, and ladies of re
fined taste refuse to give it prominence
in the toilet.
—Chicago has a news-girl, about four
teen years old, who has made money
enough selling papers to furnish a com
fortable home and buy a piano. Her
name is Nettie, and she can yell louder
and fight longer than any newsboy in
town.
—“ Mrs. Parr, of this village,” says a
Wisconsin exchange, “has had no less
than seventy attacks of illness during
her lifetime, and still lives.” She must
be one of the “ Brave Women of Seventy-
Sicks.”— N. T. Commercial Advertiser.
—The new Jury law of Florida pro
vides that when in any case, civil or
criminal, a knowledge of reading, writ
ing and arithmetic is necessary to enable
a juror to understand the evidence to be
offered, he may be challenged if he does
not possess such qualifications.
—Mr. Louis Montant, Miss Edith May's
fiance, and one of the best-liked young
men in New York, recently died at the
age of twenty-seven years. Mr. Montant
saved Miss May’s life at the time of the
Mohawk disaster, risking his own life
for the young lady, to whom he subse
quently became engaged.
—You can utilize your cake of maple
sugar, if you find there is too much sand
in it to make molasses of, by putting it
in a neat frame of card-board, or some
kind of fancy work, in bright colors, and
hanging it up against the wall to light
matches on. It never wears out.— llawk-
Eye.
—“She may be a very good woman,”
gasped Tomson, his breath almost choked
off by the tightness of his new shirt,
while the wrists were so loose that they
seemed not to button at all—“ she may
be a very good woman, but she don’t un
derstand the practical application of
topographical engineering to a fine shirt.”
—The graduating class at West Point
Military Academy this year numbers sev
enty-seven, the largest class ever gradu
ated. There are but forty vacancies in
the army to be filled, consequently thirty
seven of the graduates will be appointed
brevet second lieutenants under the law
and promoted to the grade of second
lieutenant as vacancies occur.
—A scaly coot, who is well known to
Danbury merchants as a shirker of debt,
was sorely pressed by a grocer to whom
he was indebted, when he turned on his
persecutor with the indignant remark:
“ What are you bearing down on me like
this for, when I only owe you sixty cents?
And there’s the Prince of Wales nearly
a million dollars in debt. Why don’t
you talk to himt" The grocer retired.—
News.
—An elderly gentleman, say about
seventy winters, was taking his noon cup
of coffee at Mrs. Harrington's a few days
since when a much younger friend sug
gested that coffee drinking was very in
jurious. “Is that so?” inquired the vet
eran; “ well, now, you sit down and tell
me all about it; not that that I am much
interested on my own account, but I
should like to tell my father, who is
about ninety years of age, and who per
sists in drinking coffee.”— Boston Journal.
—A woman writes to find out what
evil genius it is that always leads a man
into the parlor to black his boots on the
best ottoman, rather than on the more
convenient wood-box in the kitchen?
And why a man always starts ts walk
away from the wash-stand when he be
gins to wipe his face, and drops the
towel half-way down the stairs, or out in
the front yard, or wherever he may he
when his face is dried? Good land!
woman, do we know the unfathomable?
We suppose it is the same impulse that
always makes a woman stand before the
glass to comb her back hair or button
the back of her polonaise. — Hawk-Eye.
■ —The Brunswick (Me.) Telegraph tells
of a lady in that town who thus ex
pressed herself: “ I determined to get a
new cloak. While I was considering
how much money to take out of the
bank for the purpose I happened to
think how wicked it was for me to go
flaunting around in a new cloak when
there were so many poor, starving
creatures in the world. So I concluded
one of John’s old coats, altered over,
would do, and I could keep my money
in the bank. Mrs. F. called in one day
and said: ‘What a stylish cloak you
have.’ ‘ Yes,’ said I, ‘ and it cost almost
nothing; I felt it would be a sin to buy
new clothes when poor people need
money so much, and so I fixed over the
old one.’ ‘ What a good soul you are
for thinking of the poor,’ she said.”
A Cash Transaction.
A gentleman living on Dullicld street
yesterday hired a boy to walk home be
side him and carry a bundle, having first
agreed to pay the lad fifteen cents.
Reaching the house the man found he
had no smaller change than a quarter,
and he said:
" If you will call at my office at two
o’clock I will have the change.”
“ But it was to be cash down,” pro
tested the boy.
“ So it was; but I haven’t the change,
you see. You'll have to call at my of
fice.”
“ I’ll call,” growled the boy, as he
turned away, “ but I know just how it
will work. When I knock on the door a
cross eyed clerk will yank it open, ask
me what I want, and when I tell him he
will yell out: ‘ That man went into bank
ruptcy last September', and now you git!’
That’s the way they alius play it on me,
sir, and I druther lose the fifteen cents
than to cull the clerk a dodo and have
to dodge coal-scuttles all the way down
stairs.”
The gentleman walked with him to the
nearest grocery and made change.—De
troit Free Press.
Trotty’s Lecture Bureau.
Master Trotty climbed upon the bu
reau, and Nate and Nita sat down upon
a wheelbarrow, and they shut the door
of the tool-house, and Trotty opened the
French grammar and delivered the open
ing lecture of the course, as follows:
“ MY LECTURE BUREAU.
“ LKcrriw Tiik first: woman's sirrißiNos.
“ My subject, gentlemen and a few
ladies, is woman’s sufferings. Conjuga
tion the first.
“ Yis lecture bureau is a little rickety,
and I’ll be obliged to you, ladies and
gentlemen, if Nate wouldn't just sit
giggling. Y’ou can’t laugh, too, unless
you have four casters. It isn’t very safe.
“Woman’s sufferings. Hem! Ho—
haw—hem! Woman’s sufferings, my
friends, is an awful subject—a norful
subject. It has been wroten on. It has
been lectured to. I’ve heard ministers
pray to it, and my brother Max makes
fun of it. [Pause.}
“ I never heard it lectured at on such
a rickety old bureau as this.
“My brethren, women should never
vote—should nev-er vote, gentlemen and
ladies. Vey don’t know enough. Vey
ain’t strong enough. Vey can -not go to
war, ladies and gentlemen!
“My papa went to war. But he died.
But he wasn’t a woman.
“My friends, I tell you, girls ain’t
grown to vote. They wear dresses.
They can’t play base-ball. Once I Unew
a girl tried to spin a top, but she
couldn’t. It wasn’t Nita; she needn’t
fink. Nita was married to me. She
knows better. Brethren, 1 tell you vis
on purposely—women can -not vote, I tell
you!
“ My friends, vis is a solemn subject.
Let me say a few words to you as a mo
mentum of this matter. My brother
Max he gave me a nold bad cent once as
a momentum of him, but I frew it down
the well, you’d better fink! My brother
Max says, if women should vote, this
country would go to
“If the gentlemen in vis audience
don’t stop frowing paper balls at vis
lecture bureau, I will never assume this
subject without four casters!
“Brethren, ‘lf the donkey of my
brother should carry the pink silk um
brella of my sister-in-law’—oh, hum!—
could woman leave her baby crying in
the cradle, I ax you?
“Vat about the donkey is printed in
the book, but I don’t seem to stand very
straight without jiggling, and ven you
hit you’ head against the cobwebs on
top, I fink this lecture is most frough.
“Gentlemen, I appeal to you! If—oh
—well—if ‘ the hat of my father-in-law
is in the cage of the monkey of my great
grandmother, 'ven, I’d tike to know, when
woman should voted, if vis country
would not go to smash , sir! I ax you,
fellow-citizens and hearers, in the irregu
lar declension and indicative case, if —I
ax you if —ladii* and brethren and fellow
gentlemen, whether vis country ”
There was a pause, and then a noise.
It was a solemn pause. It w-as a dread
ful noise. What, under the depressing
circumstance pictured by the lecturer,
will become of the country, I cannot say.
But what became of the bureau is quite
clear. If the country does not go to
smash, that lecture bureau did.
Trotty says it w-as Nate, Nate says it
was Nita. Nita says Trotty stood on one
foot too long. Perhaps that one foot
was the trouble. At all events, in the
midst of an impressive gesture w-ith the
left sole of the other, over went bureau
—lecturer —the monkey of his great
grandmother—the hat of his father-in
law —and woman's sufterings in one stu
pendous whole upon the tool-house floor.
Nate picked him up. Nita jumped up
and down and cried. The poor little
lecturer was dusty and crumpled, and
there was blood about his face from
somewhere- —nobody knew where. All
the bureau drawers had tumbled out.
Nate thought they’d better shut him in
one till he got better. But Nita thought
they’d better call his mother.
So his mother came out and picked
him up, and washed him off, and dusted
him off, and tied him up, and kissed him
up, and then they found he was about as
good as new, and nothing much the
worse for the lecture bureau. — Elizabeth
Stuart Phelps, in St. Nicholas for May.
Chinese Compliments.
TnE Boston Advertiser prints as fol
lows a translation of a letter recently
written by a Chinese official to Hon. J.
C. A. Wingate, of New Hampshire, who
was for twelve years United States Con
sul at Swatow. The translation w-as
made by Rev. S. B. Partridge, of the
American Baptist Mission at Swatow,
who says that he finds it difficult to
translate the language of etiquette.
The letter reads:
To the Hon. Mr. Wingate, formerly United
Staten Consul at Swatow. Chiua. Years since
separated but often remembered:
A kind friend coming to this city
brought your delightful letter, together
w-ith a photograph of yourself, which to
the sight were as fragrant flowers. I
rejoiced often to look upon them, and
carefully will I preserve them. I think
of you as happy in your beautiful vil
lage, rejoicing in its groves and bub
bling springs, moving on smoothly, as in
a skill' floating with the current.
Your official career here in China was
as a flowering shrub, year by year in
creasing in size and fragrance. During
your brief stay here we each held the
other in mutual esteem, and the events
of that time seem but yesterday. But
now that ten thousand li separate us, in
my thoughts of you three years would
scarce measure the seeming length of a
single day. Could I but be led to the
threshold of your door, with instru
ments of music would I praise you in
loftier strains.
Some years since I went to Peking and
saw the face of the Emperor, and after
ward returned to Kwan Tung Province
as Governor, for more than a year, of
Nam Kiong and Sio Chin. Then, by
command of Ihe Emperor, I returned to
Tie Chin. Although thus officiating in
the North and in the Sou(h, I am un
worthy of the honor. The insubordina
tion in this department is gradually
being overcome, and the disposition of
the people is better than in former
years. The Middle Kingdom is at peace
with other nations, and there is no oc
casion for war, on account of which I
comfort my heart and greatly rejoice.
As a cloud upon the distant mountain
do you seem, and my heart is sad as I
think; but knowing that you think of me
my thoughts of you are continuous.
Therefore do I write this worthless epis
tle, desiring that you may receive innu
merable blessings, and that your light
may never be extinguished.
Chang, Prefectural Governor.
Ujiji, or Kawele, as Cameron usually
styles it, is on the eastern shore of Lake
Tanganyika, about a quarter of the dis
tance from the northern end of the lake.
It is very nearly in latitude 5 deg. S.,
longitude 30 deg. E., about 600 miles a
little north of west from Zanzibar, and
about 900 miles from the west coast.
The Mteme, or head chief of the country
of Ujiji, lives in a village at some dis
tance from the lake; but every district is
ruled over by a Mutwale, who is usually
assisted by three or four VVatcko, or
elders. The natives are fine-looking,
good smiths and porters, and expert fish
ermen, but their reputation for honesty
and sobriety is more than dubious. Their
dress is usually a single piece of bark
cloth, two corners of which are tied in a
knot over one shoulder and passing un
der the opposite armpit. The chiefs
usually wear colored cloths, bought from
the traders, instead of bark cloth, but
worn in the same manner. There are a
number of Arab traders settled here, of
whom three must be mentioned as hav
ing subsequently exercised a considera
ble influence over the fortunes of Came
ron and his party. These were Moham
med ibn Salib, “ a fine portly old half
caste Arab,” who had not been east of
Ujiji since 1842, and although he held
no official authority from the Sultan of
Zanzibar was looked upon by the traders
as their head; Syde Mezrui, also a half
caste, a kind of “ speculator,” a great
braggart, and, as afterward proved, a
great rascal; andMuinyi Hassani, a slave
trader.
Cameron was assured that it would be
impossible to travel west of the lake for
at least three months, until the rainy
season was over.
About the oaly thing that could be
done during the period of waiting was to
make a voyage around the lake. Stanley
and Livingstone had sailed around the
northern part above Ujiji, but the south
ern and much larger* portion was un
known to Europeans, although, as we
know from his Last Journals, Living
stone had made almost the entire circuit
of its shore. The first difficulty was to
procure a boat. The only one large
enough for the purpose belonged toSyde
ibn Habib, and this was hired at an ex
orbitant price, and after much difficul
ty in contriving the mode of payment.
Syde wanted ivory, but Cameron had
none. Ibn Salib had ivory, but would
sell it only for cloth, of which Cameron
was destitute; but Ibn Gharib had cloth,
and wanted wine, w hich Cameron had.
So the wine was sold for the cloth, the
cloth for the ivory, and the ivory paid
over for the boat.
The principal sight at Ujiji is the mar
ket, held every morning and afternoon
in an open space near the shore. It is
attended by all the tribes bordering on
the lake, who bring flour, corn, sw-eet
potatoes, yams, bananas, tobacco, cu
cumbers, pombe, palm-oil, palm-wine,
sugar-cane, salt, fish, meats, baskets,
nets, spears, bows, bark cloth, pottery,
iron work, etc. Many of the venders
build small arbors to shelter them from
the sun. There are also traders who
come from a distance to dispose of their
ivory and slaves. All bargaining is car
ried on at the top of the voice, and the
din is deafening. The currency of trade
here is sofi, a kind of beads looking like
broken pieces of pipe-stems, all prices
being estimated in this; but they are not
actually current as money. In the morn
ing brokers go around with sofi, which
they sell for other beads; and in the
evening they buy up the sofi, making a
handsome percentage on both transac
tions.—From“ Cameron's Journey Across
Africa," by A. 11. Guernsey, in Harper's
Magazine for May.
The Story of One Roast l*ig.
Jerry Foster was an exceedingly parsi
monious man, while he was a most tre
i mendous feeder. He was a native of
! New Jersey, living some thirty miles east
of Philadelphia, and attended market in
that city. In person he was a great
lanky-built fellow, and where all the pro
visions he devoured at one sitting went
to it would require a medical board to
determine. Well, one day Jerry started
w’ith his wagon to the city. His load
consisted of butter, eggs, potatoes and a
few infant swine, handsomely dressed
for the table. All of his marketing was
disposed of early in the morning but one
pig, and then the farmer drove round to
a small tavern on Second street, where
he proposed stopping for dinner, the
price thereof, in those cheap times, be
ing twenty-five cents. He sold the roaster
to Mr. Randolph, the tavern-keeper, for
seventy-five cents. About two o’clock
Jerry appeared for his meal. There
happened that day to be no guest at the
table but him. The dinner was brought
in. The roaster sold Randolph in the
morning, all crisp and brown, stood be
fore his former owner. Just as the trio
were proceeding to work Mr. and Mrs.
R. were suddenly called away to care for
one of the children taken ill. The land
lord, on departing, told Jerry to go
ahead and eat his dinner. Jerry "waded
in.” Piece after piece of the porker was
devoured, with cranberries, potatoes, tur
nips and bread and butter ad libitum.
In probably three-quarters of an hour
Mr. and Mrs. R. returned. There was
the table, there was Jerry, but where
were the provisions—where especially
the pig? The Jerseyman was leaning
back in his chair complacently picking
his teeth. The pair surveyed him with
an expression of indignant astonishment
At length Randolph spoke: “ Why—
well, stranger, 1 should say you were
unusually fond of roast pig.” “ Yes,
yes, I may say I am; and areal fat, good
sized one makes me, with trimmin’s, just
a fair meal,” said Jerry, heaving a sigh.
Randolph was out fifty cents on the pig
alone, and maybe as much more on the
other provisions consumed by the Jersey
man, but you may be sure Foster ate no
more dinners at Randolph’s for a quarter.
— N. T. Mercury.
—A small boy died at Bennington,
Vt., from swallowing a screw, which,
becoming lodged in his throat, caused
his death by suffocation. The same boy
but a week before his death swallowed
a two-ccnt piece, and the day preceding
was caught in the act of endeavoring
to get a nail down his throat.
A Story of Iliad. Stevens.
Pierce M. B. Young, a recent Repre
sentative in Congress from Mississippi,
was a Confederate General, and a grad
uate of West Point. He came to Wash- |
ington soon after the war, seeking to j
’have his disabilities removed. He is a
fine, manly fellow, and seems to have
accepted the results of the war in good
faith. He went to Thau., and Thad. be
gan to play with him, as he sometimes
did with those whom he intended to
make his victims. He said:
“ You are a graduate of West Point, I
believe?”
“ Yes, sir.”
“ Educated at the expense of the
United States, I believe, which you
swore faithfully to forever defend' 1 ”
“ Yes, sir.”
“ You w-ent into the service of the in
fernal rebellion?”
“ Yes, sir.”
“ You were a brigade commander in
the raid into Pennsylvania, which de
stroyed the property of so many of my
constituents?”
“ Yes, sir.”
“It w-as a squad of men under your
direct charge, and under your personal
command, that burned my rolling-mill?”
Young thought he was gone, but see
ing that the old veteran had come into
possession of the last fact, which Young
did not dream he knew,it was impossi
ble to deny the truth of his question.
Thad. roared out: “ Well, I like your
impudence. I will see that your disa
bilities are removed. Good morning.”
The next day the bill passed the
House.— Washington Cor. Troy ( N.. F.)
Times.
Character Shown in the Hand.
Dr. A. B. Crosby lectured recently in
New York on “The Human Hand.” He
said it was the most perfect and express
ive part of the body. A long palm and
short fingers, with a small thumb, indi
cate brutish instincts. Warmth, silky
feeling and color, show youth and health.
The tips of the fingers are spatulous,
square or conical. The spatulous or
parabolic represent everything useful;
honest work, mechanical labor, but little
poetic or spiritual feeling. Persons
whose fingers are of the square type act
on the square. They are methodical
workers, and are governed by defined
rules. Conical tips indicate an artistic
and impulsive temperament. They show
a love of painting, architecture, sculpture
and song. The thumb governs the hand
and seems to sympathize with the brain.
In idiots and epileptics the thumb con
ceals itself in the palm beneath the fin
gers. With returning sanity it resumes
its position on the outside. In the
agonies of death it also conceals itself,
thus in these cases showing that it
recognized the lack of governing power
in the mind. A large thumb indicates
strong will, a small thin thumb preju
dice. Short fingers show hasty judg
ment, bold execution and high results.
Long fingers show detail and minuteness.
Babies in Prayer-Time.
I think I should feel easier about my
two youngest —aged respectively one and
a half and three years—if I could ac
count for their wickedness upon general
principles. But how on earth such an
cestry as theirs—two long rows of un
spotted deacons and ministers—could
ever produce such little imps is quite be
yond me. All the wild oats that have
been smothered under white ties for a
couple of centuries have cropped out
in my two boys; and all I have to say
is, ’tis very hard on me. I have borne
with them until patience is no longer a
virtue; and now I bring them up before
the religious public for discipline. Sol
omon says: “ Spare the rod and spoil the
child”; but he was a wise old gentleman
not to commit himself any further. What
would he have us do if after an unspar
ing use of the rod the child is still
spoiled? From the time my small men
step out of their respective cribs in the
morning till they tumble into them at
night our house is one “ scene of confu
sion and creature complaints.” One
eternal howl, rising and falling, chang
ing from sad to gay, from mad to repent
ant, but never dying away till the little
eyes are closed ana the fat fists punched
into the pillow for the night.
We always have morning prayers in
the sitting-room. There, in front of the
blazing fire, are two great easy-chairs,
dubbed respectively, “ the big bear’s
chair” and “ middle-sized bear’s chair.”
Then there are two crickets for the “ lit
tle bears.” After we have had our break
fast, and the two youngsters have eaten
a miraculous quantity of oatmeal, they
know that the next thing on the pro
gramme is to go into the sitting-room
and seat ourselves for “prayer.” So they
start pell-mell, trip over one another,
and sprawl headlong, one on top of the
other, through the doorway. The upper
one pounds the under one, and the under
one roars and howls. Then we sit down, |
in which process the baby is always sure J
to come short of his cricket, and sit
down a little on one side, with a thump
and a roar. Then each must have some
sort of a book for a Bible. Baby prefers
“ Keble’s Christian Y'ear,” because it
has a red cover, whilst Charles has a
leaning to “ Wild Sports in the Far
West," because now- and again he can
steal a peep at the bloodthirsty engrav
ings. We are about to commence. Pater
familias looks solemn. “ Charles,” he
says, “if you are not a good boy, papa
will have to punish you after prayers.”
Charles looks awestruck, and baby’s lip
quivers. We all feel solemn enough to
commence. We have read a dozen verses
and the children still sit motionless. I
fall to think what a beautiful thing it is
to have the little ones worship with us.
Their memories may treasure up word. I
that are empty now, but in after years
may be full of meaning. We read a few
more verses. Bless me! The crickets
and their owners have disappeared, j
They have “ hitched” along noiselessly,
and are punching one another behind the
desk. A few more verses, and they crawl
around behind my chair, tandem-fashion.
“ Children,” I say, in an agonized whis
per, “go back, go back; don’t you re
member what papa said?” But they
are deaf to remonstrance, and the ,
next thing they do is to get the ,
tongs and poker and beat the loud- \
est kind of a reveille on the coal
scuttle. “Children!” I shout, “go back
to your seats this idnute.” They go, j i
and we all kneel down for the prayer.
They are worse than ever. Baby's re
sponses come near drowning the prayer.
Charley finds a pin, and is about to stick
it into baby’s leg when I restrain him.
j Then they both stand upon their crickets
J and make a simultaneous dive for the
j depths of my easv-chair, nearly knocking
me into the fire. Next they pull off their
father’s slippers, and are about to com
mit assault and battery on him. Just
then he says: “Our Father which art in
heaven.” They recognize that phrase
“as the beginning of the end,” and the
transformation is wonderful. Little heads
are beDt and hands folded decorously,
and in that attitude they remain for a
full minute after we are on our feet, as
proof positive that they have been
“good.” We hold a family council as
to the degree of badness that merits a
whipping, and end with giving them a
solemn lecture and a free pardon.
We entertained a minister, not long
since, for a week. Of course he con
ducted prayers, and I said, apologetical
ly, that I hoped the children did not dis
turb him. Poor man! Like George W.,
he could not tell a lie. So he blushed
and said they did distract him a little,
but he hoped he should be able not to
notice it.
Cannot anyone who reads this tale of
woe suggest a remedy? I appeal to those
who have no children —their theories
are always besl—to tell me wbat to do. —
Clergyman's Wife, in Christian Union.
Anecdote of President Lincoln.
The following original and character
istic anecdote of President Lincoln comes
to us from a Western correspondent:
I am reminded very forcibly of an in
terview- which I once had w-ith the martyr
President by what one of your corre
spondent relates in regard to a similar
interview-. I called upon Mr. Lincoln
soon after he was first installed in the
White House. In the room where Mr.
L. granted interviews, etc., were several
persons who were waiting their turn to
speak to him. I listened to the requests
of several men and w-omen, and 1 saw
that very few were granted what they
solicited. I had a seat at or near one
end of a long table. Mr. Lincoln sat at
the other end. Soon after I was seated,
in w-alked several officers in the Spanish
navy to pay their compliments to Mr. L.
By some means they were directed to
ward my end of the table, and I saw they
took me for the President. Mr. L. saw
the same thing, and hastily signaled me
to “go ahead,” as he expressed it, and
receive them. I rose, shook hands with
each officer, and exchanged a few words
with them, which would have been, I
suppose, appropriate had I indeed been
President. The moment their backs
were turned I looked toward Mr. L. He
was shaking with, laughter. I thought
now I had paved the way to win the posi
tion I had come to ask. I made up my
mind to address the President in a new
way, and thus add to the hold 1 already
had upon him. So, when my time came,
I stepped up to Mr. L. and said:
“ Sir, I have seen the annoyance to
which you are subjected by so many and
oft-repeated requests for innumerable
positions, etc. Now if you will permit
me to shake hands, I will try and smother
my desire for a certain position which I
had come to ask from you.”
Mr. L. jumped up, and, grasping my
hand, said:
“ Sir, you are one man in a thousand.
lam doubly indebted to you. You have
the means of conveying to those Spanish
officers that the President of the United
States is a very handsome man, and then
you do not even ask an office. But,” he
added, “ hurry home. You may repent."
It is sufficient to add that I hurried.—
Editor's Drawer, Harper's Magazine for
May.
“That Leetle Tim.”
Tiie boy with the basket of apples
w-as half an hour late yesterday, for the
first time in six months, and when he
came in he was without his basket, and
his eyes were red and swollen. He’s
been such a straight, square boy that he '
has many friends on this corner, and he
was at once asked if the boot-blacks had
been cobbing him.
“No, not that,” he said, “but don’t
you remember that ‘ Leetle Tim’ who
came here once in a w-hile with me?”
“ Little Tim! Yes—he is your brother.”
“ That's what he was, and I was break
ing him in to sell apples and make change.
Well, leetle Tim is dead!”
“No?"
“Yes. When I woke up at daylight
this morning he was cuddled up to my
back, cold and dead! The Lord took
him in the night, sir, and wasn’t it awful,
sir, that I wasn’t awake to put my arms
over him and hug his little head up under
my chin?”
“It’s too bad —too bad.”
“ It’s awful on us all, sir. Father’s
sitting in the corner, crying like a child;
mother’s weeping and wailing, and the
! children are smoothing leetle Tim’s curls
I and calling on him to wake up! That’s
why I haven’t brought the apples, sir,
and that’s why I won’t be here for two
or three days. We’ve got to bury leetle
Tim, we have, and I don’t see how we
can ever gather around the stove again
of an evening and he lying in the grave
yard! I’m big, sir, but I can’t help cry
ing, and father can’t help but cry, and I
wish —I ”
And may the Lord seat little Tim at
His right hand and give him a crown of
glory.— Detroit Free Press.
—A correspondent of the Germantown
Telegraph writes: “ Melon and cucum
ber bugs like radish leaves better than
any other kind. I sow a few radish
seeds in each hill, and never lose a plant.
Earth-worms, cut-worms, white grubs,
and, in fact, all soft-bodied worms are
easily driven out by salt sown broadcast.
You can do no harm with ten bushels to
the acre; but a half-bushel is ample.
Dry-slacked lime is also effectual.”
At a recent meeting of the Trustees
of Ande son's Institution, Elgin, Scot
land, the Governor stated that neither
the boys nor the girls in the institution
were provided with knives and forks;
they conveyed their food to their mouths
with their fingers. This scandalous
omission has lasted for forty years. A
supply of knives and forks has been or
dered.
Some people can’t endure a ringing sen
sation in the car, while most ladies take
very naturally to ear-rings.