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J AS. A. HAYDEN. PnblLhrr. OAKLAND, GARRETT CO., MD. VARIETIES. —Paris has “ nail doctors. 'i —Mississippi’s peddler’s license is SI,OOO. —ln Mexico three girls are born to one boy. —Don’t preach charity and leave some body else to practice it. —A tax that no one likes —Attacks on one’s pocket. —Organ grinding tends to make a man rather cranky. —A patent has been securedfor an im proved hen’s nest. —How to make a good impression— Use new type and clean ink. —A Jersey City woman of sixty-three years has spent fifty of them in jail. —The tramp is thinking of starting on his summer tour. —The telephone is specially adapted to popping the question. —The Third National Bank, of Bris tol, R. 1., has three woman directors. —ln New York the Dolman is the styl ish feminine street garb. —Too much gravi-tation—Upsetting a tureen in your lap at a dinner party. —Apropos of matrimony, aproposal is suggested as the first requisite. —What is that which increases the more you take from it? Why, a hole, of course. —Gold earrings in the shape of slender ladders with six steps are the latest nov elty in jewelry. lsn’t it better to be a prophet with out honor, etc., than to have an honor without profit? —lt is understood that Mr. Cornelius Vanderbilt, Jr., has not yet finished mak ing the will of his late father, the Com modore. —A vain lowan wanted her teeth plugged “so that the gold would show when she laughed.” —The Eastern question: “ How much are those Western fellows going to buy from us this year?” —The reason w-hy lovers are never weary of one another is this—they are always talking of themselves. — Roche foucald. —“The sacred heavens around him shine,” wrote the poet. The Intelligent Compositor put it: “ The sacred hyenas around him whined.” —Philadelphia claims to be the great est of American industrial centers, to have 817,000 inhabitants, and only $73,- 000,000 worth of debt. —“lnsults,” says a •modern philoso pher, “are like counterfeit money. We cannot hinder their being offered, but we are not compelled to take them.” —Japan sends to this country over 5,000,000 fans per year. Other coun tries send 10,000,000. Home industry makes 30,000,000. —lf he could only see how small the vacancy his death would leave, the proud man would think less of the place he occupies in his life-time. —We should like to kindly but stoutly affirm, as summer is drawing near, that we have no relatives in Philadelphia, and never claimed to have. —As William drew his Susy near, He whispered to Ills bride: “ Though queer it sounds, i love,my dear, To live by Susy’s side.” —lt is useless trying to study the character of a young man by the back of his head while the present style of stand ing collar keeps in vogue. —The old folks are warned that the new comet comes so late in the night that it is only safe for young and healthy people to sit up and watch for it. —A French philosopher declares that much more depends on how a woman wears her dress than on what it is made of, and on how a man talks than on what he says. —An estate on Tremont street, Boston, was sold by auction recently for $29,850, of which the assessed value was $35,000, and five years ago the owner was offered and refused $05,000 for it. —James Baxter, of Baltimore, would be a good man to send to the Black Hills. A pistol was fired at him in a recent fight and the ball flattened on his forehead without injuring him. —One boy was killed and another badly stunned by lightning, at a game of base-ball at Dallas, Tex., the other day, and yet neither of them were of the players. —Gen. Pleasonton, the discoverer of the blue-glass cure, is said to be a great suf ferer from rheumatism. This prevents him from pushing his discovery as he would like to. —Eastern papers are laughing at a minister who conducted services in a Penitentiary recently, and opened his re marks by expressing his gratitude at see ing so many present. —A man made a bet that he could ride a fly-wheel in a saw-mill, and, as his widow paid the bet, she remarked: “ William was a kind husband, but he did not know much about fly-wheels.” —lt is observed that when a savage on the Western plains kills a mail-carrier, he takes only the registered letters. The Indian is becoming more and more en lightened. —ln a suit recently heard in New York State, the sum involved is about S7O. Already the case has been on the trial list for no less than six years, and the actual court costs have exceeded $3,500. —A house in Rutland, Vt., has this legend on the gate post: “Nineteen agents have called Tiere this morning; we always shoot the twentieth.” No agent has touched the bell-knob since the placard was posted. —“ Miss Grundy" relieves the public mind by writing that, though the Presi dent does not wea- gloves at his recep tions, he holds a pair of fresh white kid gloves in his left hand while he shakes hands with his right. —A man never knows just when he is missing a golden opportunity. William M. Evarts at one time had a chance to be secretary of a life-insurance company. He did not improve his opportunity, and see where he is stranded now.— Hawk- Eye. —A gentleman in Paris lost SIOO,OOO at gambling in a single day. We have our faults, of course, but can proudly point to the fact that no one ever yet ac cused us of gambling away SIOO,OOO in a day.— Bridgeport Standard. —Whatjmore sublime sight can be im agined than a very tall man who takes long steps, with an up-and-down, double hack-action motion, walking with a little, short, insignificant-looking fellow whose legs fly back and forth like the knife of a sausage-cutter? —Some people who, of course, know all about it, predict that yellow as a fashionable color will have a short reign. More than the merest suggestion of this glaring shade is vulgar, and ladies of re fined taste refuse to give it prominence in the toilet. —Chicago has a news-girl, about four teen years old, who has made money enough selling papers to furnish a com fortable home and buy a piano. Her name is Nettie, and she can yell louder and fight longer than any newsboy in town. —“ Mrs. Parr, of this village,” says a Wisconsin exchange, “has had no less than seventy attacks of illness during her lifetime, and still lives.” She must be one of the “ Brave Women of Seventy- Sicks.”— N. T. Commercial Advertiser. —The new Jury law of Florida pro vides that when in any case, civil or criminal, a knowledge of reading, writ ing and arithmetic is necessary to enable a juror to understand the evidence to be offered, he may be challenged if he does not possess such qualifications. —Mr. Louis Montant, Miss Edith May's fiance, and one of the best-liked young men in New York, recently died at the age of twenty-seven years. Mr. Montant saved Miss May’s life at the time of the Mohawk disaster, risking his own life for the young lady, to whom he subse quently became engaged. —You can utilize your cake of maple sugar, if you find there is too much sand in it to make molasses of, by putting it in a neat frame of card-board, or some kind of fancy work, in bright colors, and hanging it up against the wall to light matches on. It never wears out.— llawk- Eye. —“She may be a very good woman,” gasped Tomson, his breath almost choked off by the tightness of his new shirt, while the wrists were so loose that they seemed not to button at all—“ she may be a very good woman, but she don’t un derstand the practical application of topographical engineering to a fine shirt.” —The graduating class at West Point Military Academy this year numbers sev enty-seven, the largest class ever gradu ated. There are but forty vacancies in the army to be filled, consequently thirty seven of the graduates will be appointed brevet second lieutenants under the law and promoted to the grade of second lieutenant as vacancies occur. —A scaly coot, who is well known to Danbury merchants as a shirker of debt, was sorely pressed by a grocer to whom he was indebted, when he turned on his persecutor with the indignant remark: “ What are you bearing down on me like this for, when I only owe you sixty cents? And there’s the Prince of Wales nearly a million dollars in debt. Why don’t you talk to himt" The grocer retired.— News. —An elderly gentleman, say about seventy winters, was taking his noon cup of coffee at Mrs. Harrington's a few days since when a much younger friend sug gested that coffee drinking was very in jurious. “Is that so?” inquired the vet eran; “ well, now, you sit down and tell me all about it; not that that I am much interested on my own account, but I should like to tell my father, who is about ninety years of age, and who per sists in drinking coffee.”— Boston Journal. —A woman writes to find out what evil genius it is that always leads a man into the parlor to black his boots on the best ottoman, rather than on the more convenient wood-box in the kitchen? And why a man always starts ts walk away from the wash-stand when he be gins to wipe his face, and drops the towel half-way down the stairs, or out in the front yard, or wherever he may he when his face is dried? Good land! woman, do we know the unfathomable? We suppose it is the same impulse that always makes a woman stand before the glass to comb her back hair or button the back of her polonaise. — Hawk-Eye. ■ —The Brunswick (Me.) Telegraph tells of a lady in that town who thus ex pressed herself: “ I determined to get a new cloak. While I was considering how much money to take out of the bank for the purpose I happened to think how wicked it was for me to go flaunting around in a new cloak when there were so many poor, starving creatures in the world. So I concluded one of John’s old coats, altered over, would do, and I could keep my money in the bank. Mrs. F. called in one day and said: ‘What a stylish cloak you have.’ ‘ Yes,’ said I, ‘ and it cost almost nothing; I felt it would be a sin to buy new clothes when poor people need money so much, and so I fixed over the old one.’ ‘ What a good soul you are for thinking of the poor,’ she said.” A Cash Transaction. A gentleman living on Dullicld street yesterday hired a boy to walk home be side him and carry a bundle, having first agreed to pay the lad fifteen cents. Reaching the house the man found he had no smaller change than a quarter, and he said: " If you will call at my office at two o’clock I will have the change.” “ But it was to be cash down,” pro tested the boy. “ So it was; but I haven’t the change, you see. You'll have to call at my of fice.” “ I’ll call,” growled the boy, as he turned away, “ but I know just how it will work. When I knock on the door a cross eyed clerk will yank it open, ask me what I want, and when I tell him he will yell out: ‘ That man went into bank ruptcy last September', and now you git!’ That’s the way they alius play it on me, sir, and I druther lose the fifteen cents than to cull the clerk a dodo and have to dodge coal-scuttles all the way down stairs.” The gentleman walked with him to the nearest grocery and made change.—De troit Free Press. Trotty’s Lecture Bureau. Master Trotty climbed upon the bu reau, and Nate and Nita sat down upon a wheelbarrow, and they shut the door of the tool-house, and Trotty opened the French grammar and delivered the open ing lecture of the course, as follows: “ MY LECTURE BUREAU. “ LKcrriw Tiik first: woman's sirrißiNos. “ My subject, gentlemen and a few ladies, is woman’s sufferings. Conjuga tion the first. “ Yis lecture bureau is a little rickety, and I’ll be obliged to you, ladies and gentlemen, if Nate wouldn't just sit giggling. Y’ou can’t laugh, too, unless you have four casters. It isn’t very safe. “Woman’s sufferings. Hem! Ho— haw—hem! Woman’s sufferings, my friends, is an awful subject—a norful subject. It has been wroten on. It has been lectured to. I’ve heard ministers pray to it, and my brother Max makes fun of it. [Pause.} “ I never heard it lectured at on such a rickety old bureau as this. “My brethren, women should never vote—should nev-er vote, gentlemen and ladies. Vey don’t know enough. Vey ain’t strong enough. Vey can -not go to war, ladies and gentlemen! “My papa went to war. But he died. But he wasn’t a woman. “My friends, I tell you, girls ain’t grown to vote. They wear dresses. They can’t play base-ball. Once I Unew a girl tried to spin a top, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t Nita; she needn’t fink. Nita was married to me. She knows better. Brethren, 1 tell you vis on purposely—women can -not vote, I tell you! “ My friends, vis is a solemn subject. Let me say a few words to you as a mo mentum of this matter. My brother Max he gave me a nold bad cent once as a momentum of him, but I frew it down the well, you’d better fink! My brother Max says, if women should vote, this country would go to “If the gentlemen in vis audience don’t stop frowing paper balls at vis lecture bureau, I will never assume this subject without four casters! “Brethren, ‘lf the donkey of my brother should carry the pink silk um brella of my sister-in-law’—oh, hum!— could woman leave her baby crying in the cradle, I ax you? “Vat about the donkey is printed in the book, but I don’t seem to stand very straight without jiggling, and ven you hit you’ head against the cobwebs on top, I fink this lecture is most frough. “Gentlemen, I appeal to you! If—oh —well—if ‘ the hat of my father-in-law is in the cage of the monkey of my great grandmother, 'ven, I’d tike to know, when woman should voted, if vis country would not go to smash , sir! I ax you, fellow-citizens and hearers, in the irregu lar declension and indicative case, if —I ax you if —ladii* and brethren and fellow gentlemen, whether vis country ” There was a pause, and then a noise. It was a solemn pause. It w-as a dread ful noise. What, under the depressing circumstance pictured by the lecturer, will become of the country, I cannot say. But what became of the bureau is quite clear. If the country does not go to smash, that lecture bureau did. Trotty says it w-as Nate, Nate says it was Nita. Nita says Trotty stood on one foot too long. Perhaps that one foot was the trouble. At all events, in the midst of an impressive gesture w-ith the left sole of the other, over went bureau —lecturer —the monkey of his great grandmother—the hat of his father-in law —and woman's sufterings in one stu pendous whole upon the tool-house floor. Nate picked him up. Nita jumped up and down and cried. The poor little lecturer was dusty and crumpled, and there was blood about his face from somewhere- —nobody knew where. All the bureau drawers had tumbled out. Nate thought they’d better shut him in one till he got better. But Nita thought they’d better call his mother. So his mother came out and picked him up, and washed him off, and dusted him off, and tied him up, and kissed him up, and then they found he was about as good as new, and nothing much the worse for the lecture bureau. — Elizabeth Stuart Phelps, in St. Nicholas for May. Chinese Compliments. TnE Boston Advertiser prints as fol lows a translation of a letter recently written by a Chinese official to Hon. J. C. A. Wingate, of New Hampshire, who was for twelve years United States Con sul at Swatow. The translation w-as made by Rev. S. B. Partridge, of the American Baptist Mission at Swatow, who says that he finds it difficult to translate the language of etiquette. The letter reads: To the Hon. Mr. Wingate, formerly United Staten Consul at Swatow. Chiua. Years since separated but often remembered: A kind friend coming to this city brought your delightful letter, together w-ith a photograph of yourself, which to the sight were as fragrant flowers. I rejoiced often to look upon them, and carefully will I preserve them. I think of you as happy in your beautiful vil lage, rejoicing in its groves and bub bling springs, moving on smoothly, as in a skill' floating with the current. Your official career here in China was as a flowering shrub, year by year in creasing in size and fragrance. During your brief stay here we each held the other in mutual esteem, and the events of that time seem but yesterday. But now that ten thousand li separate us, in my thoughts of you three years would scarce measure the seeming length of a single day. Could I but be led to the threshold of your door, with instru ments of music would I praise you in loftier strains. Some years since I went to Peking and saw the face of the Emperor, and after ward returned to Kwan Tung Province as Governor, for more than a year, of Nam Kiong and Sio Chin. Then, by command of Ihe Emperor, I returned to Tie Chin. Although thus officiating in the North and in the Sou(h, I am un worthy of the honor. The insubordina tion in this department is gradually being overcome, and the disposition of the people is better than in former years. The Middle Kingdom is at peace with other nations, and there is no oc casion for war, on account of which I comfort my heart and greatly rejoice. As a cloud upon the distant mountain do you seem, and my heart is sad as I think; but knowing that you think of me my thoughts of you are continuous. Therefore do I write this worthless epis tle, desiring that you may receive innu merable blessings, and that your light may never be extinguished. Chang, Prefectural Governor. Ujiji, or Kawele, as Cameron usually styles it, is on the eastern shore of Lake Tanganyika, about a quarter of the dis tance from the northern end of the lake. It is very nearly in latitude 5 deg. S., longitude 30 deg. E., about 600 miles a little north of west from Zanzibar, and about 900 miles from the west coast. The Mteme, or head chief of the country of Ujiji, lives in a village at some dis tance from the lake; but every district is ruled over by a Mutwale, who is usually assisted by three or four VVatcko, or elders. The natives are fine-looking, good smiths and porters, and expert fish ermen, but their reputation for honesty and sobriety is more than dubious. Their dress is usually a single piece of bark cloth, two corners of which are tied in a knot over one shoulder and passing un der the opposite armpit. The chiefs usually wear colored cloths, bought from the traders, instead of bark cloth, but worn in the same manner. There are a number of Arab traders settled here, of whom three must be mentioned as hav ing subsequently exercised a considera ble influence over the fortunes of Came ron and his party. These were Moham med ibn Salib, “ a fine portly old half caste Arab,” who had not been east of Ujiji since 1842, and although he held no official authority from the Sultan of Zanzibar was looked upon by the traders as their head; Syde Mezrui, also a half caste, a kind of “ speculator,” a great braggart, and, as afterward proved, a great rascal; andMuinyi Hassani, a slave trader. Cameron was assured that it would be impossible to travel west of the lake for at least three months, until the rainy season was over. About the oaly thing that could be done during the period of waiting was to make a voyage around the lake. Stanley and Livingstone had sailed around the northern part above Ujiji, but the south ern and much larger* portion was un known to Europeans, although, as we know from his Last Journals, Living stone had made almost the entire circuit of its shore. The first difficulty was to procure a boat. The only one large enough for the purpose belonged toSyde ibn Habib, and this was hired at an ex orbitant price, and after much difficul ty in contriving the mode of payment. Syde wanted ivory, but Cameron had none. Ibn Salib had ivory, but would sell it only for cloth, of which Cameron was destitute; but Ibn Gharib had cloth, and wanted wine, w hich Cameron had. So the wine was sold for the cloth, the cloth for the ivory, and the ivory paid over for the boat. The principal sight at Ujiji is the mar ket, held every morning and afternoon in an open space near the shore. It is attended by all the tribes bordering on the lake, who bring flour, corn, sw-eet potatoes, yams, bananas, tobacco, cu cumbers, pombe, palm-oil, palm-wine, sugar-cane, salt, fish, meats, baskets, nets, spears, bows, bark cloth, pottery, iron work, etc. Many of the venders build small arbors to shelter them from the sun. There are also traders who come from a distance to dispose of their ivory and slaves. All bargaining is car ried on at the top of the voice, and the din is deafening. The currency of trade here is sofi, a kind of beads looking like broken pieces of pipe-stems, all prices being estimated in this; but they are not actually current as money. In the morn ing brokers go around with sofi, which they sell for other beads; and in the evening they buy up the sofi, making a handsome percentage on both transac tions.—From“ Cameron's Journey Across Africa," by A. 11. Guernsey, in Harper's Magazine for May. The Story of One Roast l*ig. Jerry Foster was an exceedingly parsi monious man, while he was a most tre i mendous feeder. He was a native of ! New Jersey, living some thirty miles east of Philadelphia, and attended market in that city. In person he was a great lanky-built fellow, and where all the pro visions he devoured at one sitting went to it would require a medical board to determine. Well, one day Jerry started w’ith his wagon to the city. His load consisted of butter, eggs, potatoes and a few infant swine, handsomely dressed for the table. All of his marketing was disposed of early in the morning but one pig, and then the farmer drove round to a small tavern on Second street, where he proposed stopping for dinner, the price thereof, in those cheap times, be ing twenty-five cents. He sold the roaster to Mr. Randolph, the tavern-keeper, for seventy-five cents. About two o’clock Jerry appeared for his meal. There happened that day to be no guest at the table but him. The dinner was brought in. The roaster sold Randolph in the morning, all crisp and brown, stood be fore his former owner. Just as the trio were proceeding to work Mr. and Mrs. R. were suddenly called away to care for one of the children taken ill. The land lord, on departing, told Jerry to go ahead and eat his dinner. Jerry "waded in.” Piece after piece of the porker was devoured, with cranberries, potatoes, tur nips and bread and butter ad libitum. In probably three-quarters of an hour Mr. and Mrs. R. returned. There was the table, there was Jerry, but where were the provisions—where especially the pig? The Jerseyman was leaning back in his chair complacently picking his teeth. The pair surveyed him with an expression of indignant astonishment At length Randolph spoke: “ Why— well, stranger, 1 should say you were unusually fond of roast pig.” “ Yes, yes, I may say I am; and areal fat, good sized one makes me, with trimmin’s, just a fair meal,” said Jerry, heaving a sigh. Randolph was out fifty cents on the pig alone, and maybe as much more on the other provisions consumed by the Jersey man, but you may be sure Foster ate no more dinners at Randolph’s for a quarter. — N. T. Mercury. —A small boy died at Bennington, Vt., from swallowing a screw, which, becoming lodged in his throat, caused his death by suffocation. The same boy but a week before his death swallowed a two-ccnt piece, and the day preceding was caught in the act of endeavoring to get a nail down his throat. A Story of Iliad. Stevens. Pierce M. B. Young, a recent Repre sentative in Congress from Mississippi, was a Confederate General, and a grad uate of West Point. He came to Wash- | ington soon after the war, seeking to j ’have his disabilities removed. He is a fine, manly fellow, and seems to have accepted the results of the war in good faith. He went to Thau., and Thad. be gan to play with him, as he sometimes did with those whom he intended to make his victims. He said: “ You are a graduate of West Point, I believe?” “ Yes, sir.” “ Educated at the expense of the United States, I believe, which you swore faithfully to forever defend' 1 ” “ Yes, sir.” “ You w-ent into the service of the in fernal rebellion?” “ Yes, sir.” “ You were a brigade commander in the raid into Pennsylvania, which de stroyed the property of so many of my constituents?” “ Yes, sir.” “It w-as a squad of men under your direct charge, and under your personal command, that burned my rolling-mill?” Young thought he was gone, but see ing that the old veteran had come into possession of the last fact, which Young did not dream he knew,it was impossi ble to deny the truth of his question. Thad. roared out: “ Well, I like your impudence. I will see that your disa bilities are removed. Good morning.” The next day the bill passed the House.— Washington Cor. Troy ( N.. F.) Times. Character Shown in the Hand. Dr. A. B. Crosby lectured recently in New York on “The Human Hand.” He said it was the most perfect and express ive part of the body. A long palm and short fingers, with a small thumb, indi cate brutish instincts. Warmth, silky feeling and color, show youth and health. The tips of the fingers are spatulous, square or conical. The spatulous or parabolic represent everything useful; honest work, mechanical labor, but little poetic or spiritual feeling. Persons whose fingers are of the square type act on the square. They are methodical workers, and are governed by defined rules. Conical tips indicate an artistic and impulsive temperament. They show a love of painting, architecture, sculpture and song. The thumb governs the hand and seems to sympathize with the brain. In idiots and epileptics the thumb con ceals itself in the palm beneath the fin gers. With returning sanity it resumes its position on the outside. In the agonies of death it also conceals itself, thus in these cases showing that it recognized the lack of governing power in the mind. A large thumb indicates strong will, a small thin thumb preju dice. Short fingers show hasty judg ment, bold execution and high results. Long fingers show detail and minuteness. Babies in Prayer-Time. I think I should feel easier about my two youngest —aged respectively one and a half and three years—if I could ac count for their wickedness upon general principles. But how on earth such an cestry as theirs—two long rows of un spotted deacons and ministers—could ever produce such little imps is quite be yond me. All the wild oats that have been smothered under white ties for a couple of centuries have cropped out in my two boys; and all I have to say is, ’tis very hard on me. I have borne with them until patience is no longer a virtue; and now I bring them up before the religious public for discipline. Sol omon says: “ Spare the rod and spoil the child”; but he was a wise old gentleman not to commit himself any further. What would he have us do if after an unspar ing use of the rod the child is still spoiled? From the time my small men step out of their respective cribs in the morning till they tumble into them at night our house is one “ scene of confu sion and creature complaints.” One eternal howl, rising and falling, chang ing from sad to gay, from mad to repent ant, but never dying away till the little eyes are closed ana the fat fists punched into the pillow for the night. We always have morning prayers in the sitting-room. There, in front of the blazing fire, are two great easy-chairs, dubbed respectively, “ the big bear’s chair” and “ middle-sized bear’s chair.” Then there are two crickets for the “ lit tle bears.” After we have had our break fast, and the two youngsters have eaten a miraculous quantity of oatmeal, they know that the next thing on the pro gramme is to go into the sitting-room and seat ourselves for “prayer.” So they start pell-mell, trip over one another, and sprawl headlong, one on top of the other, through the doorway. The upper one pounds the under one, and the under one roars and howls. Then we sit down, | in which process the baby is always sure J to come short of his cricket, and sit down a little on one side, with a thump and a roar. Then each must have some sort of a book for a Bible. Baby prefers “ Keble’s Christian Y'ear,” because it has a red cover, whilst Charles has a leaning to “ Wild Sports in the Far West," because now- and again he can steal a peep at the bloodthirsty engrav ings. We are about to commence. Pater familias looks solemn. “ Charles,” he says, “if you are not a good boy, papa will have to punish you after prayers.” Charles looks awestruck, and baby’s lip quivers. We all feel solemn enough to commence. We have read a dozen verses and the children still sit motionless. I fall to think what a beautiful thing it is to have the little ones worship with us. Their memories may treasure up word. I that are empty now, but in after years may be full of meaning. We read a few more verses. Bless me! The crickets and their owners have disappeared, j They have “ hitched” along noiselessly, and are punching one another behind the desk. A few more verses, and they crawl around behind my chair, tandem-fashion. “ Children,” I say, in an agonized whis per, “go back, go back; don’t you re member what papa said?” But they are deaf to remonstrance, and the , next thing they do is to get the , tongs and poker and beat the loud- \ est kind of a reveille on the coal scuttle. “Children!” I shout, “go back to your seats this idnute.” They go, j i and we all kneel down for the prayer. They are worse than ever. Baby's re sponses come near drowning the prayer. Charley finds a pin, and is about to stick it into baby’s leg when I restrain him. j Then they both stand upon their crickets J and make a simultaneous dive for the j depths of my easv-chair, nearly knocking me into the fire. Next they pull off their father’s slippers, and are about to com mit assault and battery on him. Just then he says: “Our Father which art in heaven.” They recognize that phrase “as the beginning of the end,” and the transformation is wonderful. Little heads are beDt and hands folded decorously, and in that attitude they remain for a full minute after we are on our feet, as proof positive that they have been “good.” We hold a family council as to the degree of badness that merits a whipping, and end with giving them a solemn lecture and a free pardon. We entertained a minister, not long since, for a week. Of course he con ducted prayers, and I said, apologetical ly, that I hoped the children did not dis turb him. Poor man! Like George W., he could not tell a lie. So he blushed and said they did distract him a little, but he hoped he should be able not to notice it. Cannot anyone who reads this tale of woe suggest a remedy? I appeal to those who have no children —their theories are always besl—to tell me wbat to do. — Clergyman's Wife, in Christian Union. Anecdote of President Lincoln. The following original and character istic anecdote of President Lincoln comes to us from a Western correspondent: I am reminded very forcibly of an in terview- which I once had w-ith the martyr President by what one of your corre spondent relates in regard to a similar interview-. I called upon Mr. Lincoln soon after he was first installed in the White House. In the room where Mr. L. granted interviews, etc., were several persons who were waiting their turn to speak to him. I listened to the requests of several men and w-omen, and 1 saw that very few were granted what they solicited. I had a seat at or near one end of a long table. Mr. Lincoln sat at the other end. Soon after I was seated, in w-alked several officers in the Spanish navy to pay their compliments to Mr. L. By some means they were directed to ward my end of the table, and I saw they took me for the President. Mr. L. saw the same thing, and hastily signaled me to “go ahead,” as he expressed it, and receive them. I rose, shook hands with each officer, and exchanged a few words with them, which would have been, I suppose, appropriate had I indeed been President. The moment their backs were turned I looked toward Mr. L. He was shaking with, laughter. I thought now I had paved the way to win the posi tion I had come to ask. I made up my mind to address the President in a new way, and thus add to the hold 1 already had upon him. So, when my time came, I stepped up to Mr. L. and said: “ Sir, I have seen the annoyance to which you are subjected by so many and oft-repeated requests for innumerable positions, etc. Now if you will permit me to shake hands, I will try and smother my desire for a certain position which I had come to ask from you.” Mr. L. jumped up, and, grasping my hand, said: “ Sir, you are one man in a thousand. lam doubly indebted to you. You have the means of conveying to those Spanish officers that the President of the United States is a very handsome man, and then you do not even ask an office. But,” he added, “ hurry home. You may repent." It is sufficient to add that I hurried.— Editor's Drawer, Harper's Magazine for May. “That Leetle Tim.” Tiie boy with the basket of apples w-as half an hour late yesterday, for the first time in six months, and when he came in he was without his basket, and his eyes were red and swollen. He’s been such a straight, square boy that he ' has many friends on this corner, and he was at once asked if the boot-blacks had been cobbing him. “No, not that,” he said, “but don’t you remember that ‘ Leetle Tim’ who came here once in a w-hile with me?” “ Little Tim! Yes—he is your brother.” “ That's what he was, and I was break ing him in to sell apples and make change. Well, leetle Tim is dead!” “No?" “Yes. When I woke up at daylight this morning he was cuddled up to my back, cold and dead! The Lord took him in the night, sir, and wasn’t it awful, sir, that I wasn’t awake to put my arms over him and hug his little head up under my chin?” “It’s too bad —too bad.” “ It’s awful on us all, sir. Father’s sitting in the corner, crying like a child; mother’s weeping and wailing, and the ! children are smoothing leetle Tim’s curls I and calling on him to wake up! That’s why I haven’t brought the apples, sir, and that’s why I won’t be here for two or three days. We’ve got to bury leetle Tim, we have, and I don’t see how we can ever gather around the stove again of an evening and he lying in the grave yard! I’m big, sir, but I can’t help cry ing, and father can’t help but cry, and I wish —I ” And may the Lord seat little Tim at His right hand and give him a crown of glory.— Detroit Free Press. —A correspondent of the Germantown Telegraph writes: “ Melon and cucum ber bugs like radish leaves better than any other kind. I sow a few radish seeds in each hill, and never lose a plant. Earth-worms, cut-worms, white grubs, and, in fact, all soft-bodied worms are easily driven out by salt sown broadcast. You can do no harm with ten bushels to the acre; but a half-bushel is ample. Dry-slacked lime is also effectual.” At a recent meeting of the Trustees of Ande son's Institution, Elgin, Scot land, the Governor stated that neither the boys nor the girls in the institution were provided with knives and forks; they conveyed their food to their mouths with their fingers. This scandalous omission has lasted for forty years. A supply of knives and forks has been or dered. Some people can’t endure a ringing sen sation in the car, while most ladies take very naturally to ear-rings.