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THE GRENADA GAZETTE. 1 LADD » rim, Edltonaad Huiim to GRENADA« mss MY SONS. € don't talk much about them. It wearies and annoys To hear a mother prating About her precious boys I 1 don't believe my laddies Ah other lads excel; 7 know they have their fallings, Though iiicao 1 do not tell. Sometime« their strange vagaries Perplex my woman's brain; Romotiinos lu willful folly They tug agaitibi me ren. But still my heart in patience And hope is well possessed; I know for all my labors One day I shall be blessed. I spread their pictured faces In sequence on my knee, Where they have lain as bubies. And played when they 1 gaze—they seem to gather, As then, around my chair; I hoar their infant voices, I touch their suuny hair. The eldest—grave and silent. Who laid his boyhood down Aud took life's dreary burden Instead of playtime's crown; Who quietly ami bravely. Though still a child In years, Assumed the place beside And stayed my widow's tears. And next-my blu^-oycd sailor. Who comes and goes at will; Robust in soul and sinew, And tender hearted still; •s with careless courage upon the foam; Who leaves h.s best affection Fust unohore I in his home. The third—he walks sedately Along the "given line." Oh. eyes 1 lost, my darling, Look thmugh those eyes of thine! Thy sister's gentle spirit. Thy futher's patient soul, ILtve blended with thy being, Thy sympathies control Th«n comes, with thoughtful forehead, And falcon glance, and fun, The boy who "in hot water" Is yet my wisest son ! The first in eager action, The last to turn or "tell," a source of trouble, Of joy and pride as well. And this—the youngest, brimming With ii.irUi and Ef came in hour of anguish, A ray of Heaven to me. Ah. son of deepest sorrow, 1 thank the God who g ive, Who bade so bright a floweret To blossom from a grave! by • is I I V. c Who w His 1: At 'loüy. My 'oy*: th.-y an- not perfect. , mother-blind ; They sometimes cost me suffering. They' ! : iml often • my I ilrr about their future, 1 dwell 'll lh< I work for them believing Reward will come at lust. 1 wonder If the father. Who left thci ere such little children, tv ther !h Tin prow to ii 1 my Father, human joys, Will watch the way around them, And bless I pray that Who share y boys. — Goldtn Diyt. THE PROFESSOR. Ho Makes an Impression and De livers Two Loctures. I rang fur Jane to bring my tea up* Jtairs, and hunted for the sal volatile to compose my nerves. The now pro fessor hail arrived to deliver his first lecture to tin* pupils of Heliotrope Female Academy. As the "accom plished principal"—so the newspaper expressed it—of this great institution, I consider it my duty to have a pro f ssor of science added to my corps of It sounded well in speaking to sav: "Professor E st, of Wistaria Academy." of my life to have every thing appear much better than it really was. Al a tcachm-'. I must say it was the aim teachers' meeting we had discussed the mai ter. "I shall stipulate for an un married man," I informed the ladies, "middle-agid, learned and compan ionable for intellectual women like ourselves." The 'teachers all agreed ; with me, but Colonel Noel, my wealthy patron, demurred at the proposed ad vance. He came in just as our meet ing adjourned. Being a widower, and •a-- Eva had taken lier history lesson in the s udy to learn. I begged him to sit and tell us how lie, managed his dear motherless children. "I don't manage them, blessed if 1 do. I've turned them over to you ladies to manage. Keep that rascal Jack Norris away from my Eva. That's all I ask. Bless my heart, what can I do with a parcel of girls on my hand>?" "My dear Colonel," I said, in a sympathetic tone, for he certainly glanced at me while speaking, "in my position the care of tender, innocent, girls lias become a lovely study. I dote upon iL The only trouble to me is that my care of them is too short." "So it is, and a confounded shame, too," and the Colonel looked at me again, straight in the eyes. "In mv position vigilance, wisdom and foresight are required," I said again, in my most impressive manner, "I may safely claim for myself these requisites to a perfect manager of young girls." The Colonel laughed good-naturedly as he added: "I wager she's safe— Eva is; she will have a fortune of her own, and that scoundrel Norris knows <1 il. "In my position," 1 remarked, for Hie third time, "the ultimate good of my charges is the aim of my life. Under in y roof dearest Eva is secure. Mr. Jack Norris will never attempt to outwit me. He may be a bold rascal, but Mr. Jack Norris won't venture to trille with me." Colonel Noel was emphatic in his essent lo this assertion. "lie's o dare-devil, Norris is, a wild, harum scarum, worthless scamp, but blessed it 1 believo he'd have the hardihood to defy you," laughed my chief patron, I in that complimentary way of his which showed mo in a quiet way the preference foi myself, numberless 1 had answers to my advertisement for a professor, but 1 loosed them all aside and en gaged Prêt East. Tho moment my eyes rested upon him I felt Intuitively that the very person 1 desired had presented himselt So handsome, so very handsome, in spite immense groon goggles; so gentle and refined, and so good, so innocentlv good, I en gaged him at mice on the easiest terms. Indeed, Pint East declared so appre ciative of tho great advantage of en joying our society that he almost for got the question of salary. Ho was quite indifferent to money. I found him willing to come for a mere pit tance, which went far to bias me in his favor, as it always does seem hard to pay out so much money to teachers. The flutter of nerves mentioned above was occasioned by the arrival of the professor. Ho was actually in the house. All tho teachers wero struck by his ingenuous manner and straight forward, beautiful candor. ' He says lie never met a more charming sot of ladies," observod Miss Leonard, the English teacher. • He says the girls are not to his taste; he despises such young things; he says my eyes are fascinating and full of in telligent expression." "M i foi! Your eyes, indeed!" ejacu lated Mam' seile Adele, tho French teacher. "He vows myrotrousso nose is piquante, charmante. Ah, monsieur is one grand gentleman." "I don't believo in flattery," inter jected Miss Wenham. Nobody insults me by compliments. Tho professor thought I was one of the girls; indeed, I never saw a man so amazed as when I told him I was a teacher." Wenham looko levery day of forty-five years. "He is very near-sighted," I remind ed her. "Not at all." insisted Miss Wen ham. "H ï only wears glasses to shade his eyes and he always says just what he thinks," rutting on my glasses I drew out a note. It was from the professor, was determined to read it merely as a check to their vanity and conceit. "Lot me see," I began, quite as if tho idea had that moment occurred to me. "H ■ says m his note; *1 am coming early to have a better opportunity of knowing a lady whom I have long admired f<>r her talents and erudi tion.'" Wiihout the smallest notice ot a decidedly envious laugh, I folded the note and went to my room to read up on the miocene period. The pro fessor was to lecture on the miocene period. After taking my seat and leaving my glasses on the tablo—they always made me look ten years older — I went down to sec Prof. East, my amazement there sat Mam' selle Adele in hoi* best black silk, with crimson trimmings, talking in her ex citable foreign way! There, on tho other side, was Miss Leonard in her I I Miss I Tc best plaid, smiling in her bland amia bility. Miss Wenham, in her Sunday cashmere, ogled him in front. To do the professor justice, he scorned rest less and in evident expectation of else. As ho turned at once some to me, I felt certain that I was the my handsome young vaitet 1. We discussed the miocene for win p.M'i professor ex »f tinct pachyderms I made some strong points, to which heyiclded without argument. Miss Wenham whispered quite audi bly that the professor had not a chance to put in a word. When we were passing into the lecture-room I observed that ho look od at E 1 ith Sands, who contrived to be in the way, and that she laughed rather pertly. Before I could speak to her the professor said, in a low tone: "What a great figure you have, my dear lady, queenly, positively queen ly." ; 1 a I of I heard that silly Eva titter so rudely that common decorum induced me to send her to a back seat. She is con sidered beautiful by some people, but to my thinking her face is weak; be sides, she lias a round, chubby figure. I bad it from tho professor himself that he admired a queenly figure. The lecture was rather obscure, of course; I saw that the professor was very deep, but I am not sure the girls ai> preciated their privilege. Eva Noel turned very red and almost choked with laughter. If it had been any body else hr Prof. E ist I might have imagined that ho became a trifle mixed and confusing on the miocene strata, but then he was certainly a handsome man. By the merest accident 1 hap pened to be in the hall when the pro fessor was putting on his overcoat, and found Iho teachers around him in an admiring circle. I must say that my acumen and knowledge of human nature never evinced itself so distinct ly as when I engaged Prof. East. He turned at once to me and spoke in the most complimentary manner of my observa' ions of the tertiary epoch. "Nothing ever interested mo so much. Wo must talk it over thoroughly; it is most absorb ng," he declared, sides, we don't often have tho advan tage of such an intellect as yours to elucidato abstruse matters." Which proved how very much interested he was in the subject. Eva Noel came in from the library for a book just as the professor closed the door behind him. 1 noticed tlmt she wore a button-hole bouquet with a ja* qiiominol rose and smilax, which I am positive tho professor wore de livering his lecture. Tho artful minx must have picked it up somewhere. * How did you como by those flow ers, Miss Eva P" I demanded, Beverly. Tho girl turned very red. "S >ino body gave them to fuu," she said, in insolent dclianc* "Be of to to o ••You wicked g*l," » oka 111 Miss Wenlinm; "do you remember Ananias and Sapphire? Those are the profes sor's flowers. Vain creature, to sup l>o.sr that he would give them to nchil lik" void It is shameful," •ddeued nmre and more, but I could see that she was tittering met laughing to herself while 1 sent her to lied. "I w ill speak to Era to-morrow. She can't trille with me. I do believe I can see through a millstone. No olio ran blind mo," I said, in a lone of deep » no K, moaning. '•Some ono ought to give tho pro fessor a hint of Eva's duplioity, " eng gosted Miss Leonard. • Perhaps if would bo just os well to give him a hint of her shocking be havior toward that dissoluto wretch, Jack Norris," supplement© 1 Miss Wen ham. mu "I shall certainly do so,' 1 returned, in emphatic approval. "Prof. East must lie warned—ho is such a good man—such an innocent, unsuspecting disposition—wo must take c.*fre of him. Ido flatter myself I am a judge of men—yes, he must bo told about Eva Noel." The teachers agreed with mo per fectly; indeed, 1 could not recollect when we were all bo unanimous upon any sill j n t 1 thought over all 1 had to say to the professor, until I had ar ranged quite a happy and affecting way of putting it Plainly it was my duty to secure the professor against the arts and wiles of this weak, pretty face—a girl without the faintest claim to a queenly ligure. Prof. East arrived much earlier than A of as of was expected. However, the moment I heard of it I saw my opportunity to give him a precautionary hint about Eva's indecorous, artful ways. The parlor door was partly open, and the professor's voice audible from within. I had the curiosity to stop and listen. My position demanded watchfulness. "Don't be alarmed," he was saving; "my luck never wavers, dragon is no match for me. "Hut I'm dying with fright all tho time. H 'W can you do it." The voice was no other Ilian Eva's. That old of a to is so <»f She brokt' off into a laugh, but turned first red then pale when I walked in, holding myself very erect and assum ing my most commanding aspect. It evidently impressed tho professor, for he put on his immense green glasses and at once began to talk to me of the fossils of the tertiary epoch. I made my points about extinct pachyderms while I had a chance. They were tell ing and powerful, and, I must say, delivered in an eloquent and scientific style. 1 had been awake until two in the morning reading upon the subject. Prof. East turned his head on ono side, then the other, and looked meditative. "lam lost in admiration; it is yuut figure—the form of Juno! superb! in spiring?" lie suddenly declared, with the delightful, ingenuous candor which I discovered from the very first in as a beautiful trait of his disposition. • Don't Hatter me, you dear, naughty I exclaimed, as I shook my ■ mani head at him. "Flattery?" lie retorted. "I am an unsophisticated fellow, always lotting some truth slip out and giving offense. Ah, me. I know you are furious." • Don't apologize, the truth will slip out,' I said, very kindly; he did look >o wonderfully handsome, even with tnose hideous green glasses on. quite understand each other, and I may sav are so congenial that we are some times imposed upon. I feel it my pain ful duty to warn—yes, really warn— you against a pert, forward, insolent girl, as shallow and vain as a pea cock." The professor came a step nearer. "I think I know what you mean," lie whispered. I fairly lost my temper— not with the professor—not at ali, lie so good looking, but with that abandoned girl trying to attract bis attention. It was scandalous. "She is an unprincipled, designing creature," I went on. "And so desperately homely," he added. "I know you must think so," was my triumphant reply; "but, would von believo it, some people call Eva Noel prettvP" "Where have 1 heard that name?" lie questioned, thoughtfully, have it, the littlo girl jest now I scarcely noticed; very ordinary, is she not ?" "Fearfully so," I assure l him. "She lias been badly compromised by a shocking affair with a dissolute scoun drel, 'Jack Norris. 1 watch her very closely. The miserable knave can't trifle with me. I beg you to remem ber that this is a mark of my confi dence, purely confidential. I mean to outwit that, rascal Norris, and, of course, can't allow you to be taken In. Come to me if Eva speaks, or even looks at you, my dear professor. I will protect you." The teachers interrupted me by com ing in at that moment, but the pro fessor pressed my hand gratefully and thanked mo iu the sweetest way as he went out to the lecture-room. It quite startled aid kept me awake long after my hour for retirement, and then, late as it was, I caught a glimpse through tho window of Prof. East moving through I he shrubbery, in the moonlight, gazing up at the windows, perhaps at mine. Tho pro fessor is so unsophisticated, so inno cent, and s 1 believe I mentioned above how peyturbod and broken my rest was on that eventful night. Several nights havo passed since, hut ns far as I can see there is no prospect of any thing but wakeful nights for a long lime. 1 slept rather late tho morning after tho night that unprincipled, heartless, wicked man delivered hi« last—shall 1 call it lecture? •We •Ob. 1 1 very good. M:s> Leonard met me in the study, a subdued ■ xeitement visible abou: her. ! , , , . » Lva Noel must have gone homo «i .- I out leave; the servants have soon noth ing of her; tho girls professed equal ignorance. She hud not been seen j since retiring tho night Mere. It was , mysterious In my position mystery » as not to be borne. I sent a messen- * ger to Eva's homo. Tho messenger returns with tho appalling news that 1 Eva Ik, I not been at home. The mys- ; lew deepened. I had the cellars and garrets searched, the cistern dragged, the clothes presses examined, and even the great soap-kettle raised to j see if she could bo underneath. To no purpose. Miss L *onard rushed sml denly hi to the study and lmnded me a note. It rxjdaine l all: De Ait Maiiam— 1 havo relieved you of the care of Eva Noel. We were married this morn ing. i'll even flniah the uoufic if you »illpy»» mu on extinct pneyderms. jack east Norris. Prof. East and Jack Norris were ono and the same. Tho perlidious wretch! Whero i& tho sal \ olutile ?-—Family Fiction. I FASHION IN FUNERALS. A Firsli Fail of Wealthy Mourner« In Brooklyn mid New York. "Yes, indeed, there has been a de cided improvement, in tho manner of conducting funerals in the last few weeks," said a "fashionable" under taker. "Some folks will stick to old time customs when it comes to bury ing 'their dead, but 1 must say that the rising generation is willing to ex periment with any thing. I refer to the idea of issuing written invitations for funerals just the same as for wed dings. Of course tho custom has pre vailed in the eases of great men where thousands of persons attend from patriotic motives, but a new innova tiolf is to issue invitations to funerals of private individuals, just tho same as Mrs. Jones might invito Mrs. Smith, in a politely-worded, note, to como in and tako tea. "This was first inaugurated a few weeks ago when a German gentleman died in Brooklyn. II > was possessed of considerable wealth, but neither mixed in social nor political circles. His son, however, who inherits most of his wealth, wanted to give his father a good soml-off, as ho put it, in order to show his grief. "He wanted to work up a largo funeral regardless of expense. There is nothing new in the system of hiring professional pall-bearers, but the scheme of this poor orphan rather sur prised us. He took the directory and picked out the names of all the lolks residing in his vicinity. He even went so far as to get from tho sextons of I several churches in the immediate i neighborhood tho names and addresses i <»f tho parishioners. This d<»uo, lie j hired a young lady typewriter to ad-1 dress invitations to all hands, couched J in tho following terms: The pleasure of your company is earnestly ' requested at tho funeral of my father, John —.March—, 1888, at his late home, No. — -street. Brooklyn. Carriages to the cemc ! "Inclosed in ouch envelope x^'a ticket 'admitting bearer to scat in car ring,..' Every old woman ttltuitdcd, ! all the young folks, anxious for a free | ,:i , ...,1 „ i , ! carnage ride, were there, aud several „ . ï •. , !( i. Iu , ... ! matrons gave tjieir tickets to then youngsters. Of course tins was too promiscuous, but it inaugurated a much-needed system, and since then ! half a dozen funerals in this city and 1 Brooklyn have been managed in the same manner, but with nmro cncuni tery free of eh arg«. All truly, • welcome V 1 1 spec!ion. It does away with tho house of mourning being filled with thieves or disagreeable persons. Every ono invited is happy at the prospect of a riile, and there is not tho customary gloom."—A 7 ! V. Telegram, CONCERNING RUBIES. Clnim Tlmt ill« C»«im C»n II« Produc©«! by Art ifit'iui Mtutun. Golconda and similar places have been famous for their proclou a gems, but if tho experiments of two Paris chemists—MM. From/ and Vcrneuil —be universally imitated there is a probability that those distant spots will bo outdone completely by jewel producing centers much no are t* homo. MM. Frcmy and Vcrneuil have just informed the Academy of Sciences that they havo succeeded thoroughly iu producing real rubies by artificial means. They began their « xperi monls about a year ago, but the re sults obtained in March last were not quite conclusive. Their crystals wore funned of pure aluminium, colored with chromium or m-chromate of , , . . ... potasli. and subjected thorn to a rigid i 1 , . . . . \ i .1 . . analysis, which showed that their crys tidino form was regular, thulr trans parency perfect, and that, in fact, the hardness and the brillinnoy of real rub es wero combined in them. M. Des Cloizeau, .a well-known ehe mist, who oxnmlncd the nrlifieinl rubies with a microscope, declared that they recalled vividly to him tho natural formation of the ronl minerals. Thu artificial proiiictions wore also sub jected lo thu test used for proving dia monds. Tho chief value of tho latest experiments made by MM. Fitmy ».ml Vei'iiouil. as distinguished from form.i ones, lies iu tho fact that tho veins in whieli tho rubies nro imbedded are porous, and the artificial gems nro easily detached from them, whereas before the veins wero hard and glassy, retained the crystals, and made it al most impossible lo purify them. The experimentalists, having worked with small apparatus in tho laboratory of tho museum, wero restricted, nat urally, in their operations, but with proper menus of heating their ingre dients at their disposal, they expect to effect still more important results, iho largest of thu rubies shown by the experimentalists was about the slzo of the head of » big plu.— Paris Letter. OF GENERAL INTEREST. ! —In Connecticut there are over I fiv(j thou8Mld Bcreä al §ll|)re tlevotwl 0 y„ L , r cult , Ta . tion. j . ,, , , . , , "f. whale eighty-four feet long, K hing twelve tons, ta 1 eighteen * oet broad, speed twelve miles an hour, <»«**lop. US horse power, 1 -Woburn, Mass., is a town of twelve ; thousand inhabitants, and its only in dustry is the manufacture of leather, which is carried on to a large extent —Pattison Jolly, the oldest printer j in the world, died recently at Dublin, Ireland. He was ono hundred and four years old, and printed tho Hist sheet of the Edinburg Journal , more titan sev enty years ago. —Experiments have shown that tho «kin 0 f a white person transplanted on the skin of a negro becomes black a? . ... n , A . . . , , the skin of tho negro, and that black skin inoculated on whites loses its pig ment and becomes white. —Fifty years ago, when any thing was good, reliable and sound, it was said, "It is as good as a Spanish milled dollar. has departed and the comparison no longer has any significance. —An ingenious moonshiner in Ken tucky concealed his still in a cave in such a manner as to allow the smoko to escape through a hollow tree. In this way ho eluded the vigilance of the revenue officers for over a year. —California big trees will have to take a second place as botanical giants now that the ocean has undertaken to beat the land in tho size of its products. Captain John Stone, of tho ship Clever, picked up a sea weed on tho Atlantic near tho equator that was 1,500 feet long. —A mortgage for $100,000,000 re cently filed in the office of the registei and recorder of Lycoming County bj the Reading Railroad Company, is a ponderous document. It contains 590, 000 words, and it is estimated that it will take one man about three months to record it —A citizen of Orlando, Fla., has a dog that accompanies him everywhere, even to church. One Sunday his owner I concluded to break the canine of his church-going habits and ordered him home. The dog retreated until his master was out of sight, then proumpt ly turned back, entered another church and remained until tho service was over. Hut the glory of that dollar I Mr. W. B Bland to dig an alligator i out of the mud, kill it, and dissect it i He found absolutely nothing in the j stomach and intestines of the animal; and not only that, but found that the J intestines were very small and hard, not larger than pipe stems and almost —Some of the people of Georgia actually believe that alligators swallow pine knots to stay their stomachs dur ing their long winter sleep. This led ' as brittle, , . . ..... by lightning 111 ail electrical exhibition ! is the clothing of a man which was «to»«* torn from hi* body during a storm of J V n<! , 8 ' 18,8 ' 1 lhu man ' wh ,° ! ™ »» "Kneulturul laborer, was stand | '"g under a tree at the t.me of the oc ! currence. The lightning flash, after . P F , °, . ! ripping lus smock-frock from end to 1 ; ° , . . , ".<1 severed hi* leathern gatten, tore th ?. tl ' ousor ' , " to s ,reJs > a , n , d lmlU * ! »P !lt U P each bo ° . f"»™ a,,kle to t0B ' 1 11,6 man was not killed. —In a collection of articles damaged —The Pall Mall Gazette says tho total number of horses which tho lead ing countries of the world can throw into the field of battle is: Russia. 21 570,000; America, 9,500.000; Argentine Republic, 4,000,000; Austria, 0,500,000; Germany, 8,350,000; Franco, 2,800,000, and 300,000 railles; England, 2,790,000; Canada, 2,624,000; Spain, 680,000, and 2,300,000 mules; Italy, 2,000,000; Bel gium, 383,000; Denmark, 316,000; Aus tralia, 301,000; Holland, 125,000; and Portugal, 88,000, and 50,000 mules. —Written language has always been a very mysterious thing to tho savages when they first become aware of its existence. writing of the savages of South Amer ica, says that on one occasion a native was sent by a missionary to a friend with a note and four loaves of bread The native ate one on the way, and was amazed to find that tho note dis covered his theft On the next occa sion that he was sent with four he sat on the not** while eating one of them. —Rev. Mr. Ewing, tho retuim*d Sir John Lubbock, iq mIsl|o fmm Im ui relates that the niltiv()i „i that country make occasion ... • , ; , . . al pilgrimages to, and worshiu, a phe i 7 , i ■ • r nonunion situated in tho interior. In India it is regarded ns a burning mount ain by tho foreigners, but Mr. Ewing says that since lie has come to western Pennsylvania and seen tho natural gas wells here, he is of the opinion that natural gas Is also what these Hindoos worship in that far-away place. If ills the genuine article, peoplo need not fear that the supply of natural gas will goon be exhausted, for this one in In dia has been burning for nges aud ages. —Among unropealed acts of Parlia ment in England stand the following gems: Persons pretending to use witoh eraft, by a law enacted under George II., are punishable by imprisonment Those practising palmistry are to be treated as vagabonds and punished ac cordingly. By a law enacted in the time of Charles I. meetings of people outside their own parishes, on Sundays, for any sports or pastimes whatever, are prohibited, under penalty of a line of three shillings and three hours In the public stocks. Any person disbe lieving tho doctrines of the Established Church, and refusing to havo his chil dren baptized, or to partake of tho communion, may, by n law of Queen Elizabeth, be committed to priion. PERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL. —IIdIi Burdette say. that tho »vstcni of San Francisco taste »a thoti^li they were bound in calf, library style. —Hull. Hubert T. Lincoln is said not to have inherited a trace of his illus trious father's story-telling genius. —Senator Goorgo Hearst, the Cali fornia millionaire, spends lifty thou sand dollars a year on his racing stable. —Miss Felicia Hentans Abbott, daughter of the famous prima donna, has taken the vail in the Convent oi St- Benedictine, Montreal. —Mr. Pierre T. Barlow, of New York, is tho fortunate owner of Lord Byron's signet ring. It is set w ith a large opal, on which are cut tho crests of tho names of Noel, Gordon and Byron. —Senator Stanford is said to be tho most unassumingly dressed man in Washington. This independence in the matter of personal decoration is one of tho advantages of being rich. Russell Sage, it is said, walked into a Broad way clothing store the other day and tried on and purchased a twelvo-dollar suit of "haml-me-downs." —Senator Morrill, the patriarch of Congress, passed thirty-four of his sev enty-eight years in the Senate. He may be called the father of protection, for his noted bill, the Morrill Tariff bill, dates back to 1861. Ho is celebrated for his well-rounded sentences, and is an excellent conversationalist, old age is hale and hearty. —The Due d' Aumale may bo de scribed as one of tho most forgiving men alive. Kxiled from France, which he dearly loves, he has not only be queathed his estate at Chantilly to the nation, but has now established a fund of 17,000 francs a year for the benefit of the poor in the neighborhood of that estate. This last act comes. It is said, as a timely relief to much distress. —Theodore Tilton is living in a re mote quarter of Paris in by no means affluent circumstances. His dress is almost shabby and with his hair hang ing about his shoulders he presents a peculiar appearance as he walks about tho streets of the Frcnoli capital. He does a little literary work now and then, but writes with no regularity. —A rich Philadelphia woman, noted for her wealth and eccentricity, having exhausted her linger space in display ing her jewels, wears a striking ring on one of her thumbs. Strangs as this appears it is only going back to an old fashion. Two or three hundred years ago it was tho fashion to wear a ring on the thumb, and the signet ring was worn on tho thumb by the nobility at a time when the lingers were devoid of ornaments. "A LITTLE NONSENSE." —If tho early cucumber is guilty of crime it must be a "double" one.— Yonkers Statesman. —The Chinese always cross their "t's;" that is, they mix their teas up until you can not tell where the Oolong begins nr the Connecticut fine cut ends, -fuck. —Women (who has given something to cat to a trampl—"You have a very awkward way of eating, man." Tramp .—"Yes, ma'am, I guess it's 'cause I'm out of practice."— Life. —"Mamie — "Mamma, can't I go over to Kitty's house and play awhile?" — Mamma (hesitatingly) — "1 don't know, dear. I—yes, you just a little while." Mamie (demure ly)—"Thankyou, mamma, I've been." — Drake's Magazine. —Book Agent—"How do you do, madam? Will your dog bite?" Madam —"Waal, I reckon he will." Book Agent—"Would you have the good ness to speak to him?" Madam— "Certainly. "Sick 'ini, Tige; sick 'im."— Harper's Bazar. —Teacher (to Tommy, whose father is a milkman)—"Tommy, how many pints make a quart?" Tommy—"A quart of what?" Teacher—"Any tiling —milk, for instance." Tommy—"Two pints; one pint of water and one pint of milk.—7'Ae Epoch. —A noted duelist was introduced to Colonel A. Noted duelist—"Happy to make your acquaintance, sir." A mo ment later, being very much puzzled, he says to himself; "By Jove, didn'" I kill that follow somewhere in a duel ?"—Texas Siftings. —Grocer—"Yon say that your wife, Uncle Rastus, supports the family by taking in washing?" Uncle Kustos— "Yes, salt." Grocer—"Well, don't you feel a little bit ashamed at times?" Uncle Rastus—"'Shamed? No, sah; dere's nothin' degradin' 'bout takin' in wnshin'. Iso proud of do ole 'oonian."—A'. )'. Sun. —"Well, how is this, my dearsit ?"in qulred the local practitioner, "you sent me a letter stating that you had been attacked by small-pox and 1 find you suffering from rheumatism, you see, doctor, it's like this," said tho patient; "there wasn't a soul in the house who could spell rheumatism." —Bangor Vom mcrcial. —Old Mr. Bontiy (to his son home on a visit from College) —"I see by the college paper, George, that you are one of the leaders in the German ?" George —"Well—or—yes, father." Old Mr. Bently—"Well, I »'pose ye ought to have some money to buy German books to read." George (earnestly)— "Yes. father, 1 think I ought ."—The Epoch. —Uncle Jake—"l'eter, 1 hear- you pays your specs to my darter. Now, ef you means bizness, wot is your biz uossP" Peter—"J'se k copin' books for Dobson & Co." Uncle Jifko—"Unit Does you keep 'em in single or double entry, Peter?" Peter—"Aint no sieb fool, chile, us dat. 1 l ilts 'em In de safe down otdlnli clay night. T'nk I'd keep » alybles-ln do entry?" His for can g "Well, Ah!