The Bowbells tribune. [volume], June 01, 1900, Image 7

About The Bowbells tribune. [volume] (Bowbells, Ward Co., N.D.) 1899-1969

Image provided by: State Historical Society of North Dakota

                
OtJR BUDGET OP PUN.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIQINAL
AND SELECTED.
Jnst llkt Bar Father or the Story of
Burning £OT« Affair—Soiling Stale
Newa—Consolation In Grief—SOBM
thlnx Wrong.
Just Like Her Father.
The wooing had progressed splen
didly. It had even progressed to a
point where she had been won—that is,
ostensibly won. If she proved to be a
truthful girl, she would in time be his
wife. If she .were not truthful—well,
no man wants a wife who is not truth
ful. That's the way some men console
themselves when they fail to marry.
But she seemed to be truthful, and
as he drew her closer to him he whis
pered:
"And when we are married, dearest,
we will have the happiest home in all
the wide, wide world!"
"Yes, George," she replied.
"There can never be a harsh word
n our home."
"No, George."
"And when I come home tired and
worn out with work at the office and
the worries of business you'll be kind
to me?"
"Y-e-s, George."
"I knew you would. You'll soothe
me and put me in better humor?"
"Y-e-e-s but I say, George!"
"Yes, dearest.
"Why shouldn't you do a little of
this yourself?"
"Why, darling—"
"Yes, that's all right. But to come
right down to business, as papa says—
why shouldn't you also be kind to me
when things go wrong? I don't want
to do it all, you know. You're not
looking for a private nurse, are you?"
"Why, Mabel?"
"When the cook leaves unexpectedly
to go to the bedside of her second cou
sin, you might be just a trifle consid
erate, you know."
"How strangely you talk, pet."
"Well, they say I'm papa's girl, you
know, and I notice when any one tries
to make a bargain with him he gen
erally gets some stipulation to his
own interest put in, just as a precau
tion."
George and Mabel have now been
married exactly five years and three
months, and at the moment of going
to press have never had a single quar
rel!—Tit-Bits.
Something Wrong.
Mr. Benny Benedict had been read
ing his paper in quietude for almost
five minutes. Presently he looked up
at his wife with an agonized expression
of fear and dread.
"'What's the matter with the baby?"
he cried.
Mrs. Benedict jumped up like a buck
ing mule. "Good gracious, nothing I
hope!"
"There must be. I feel inwardly that
jthere is something grievously wrong
•kith the pet."
"Why, Benny—oh, why?"
"He isn't howling!"—Ally Sloper.
Willing to Show 'Em.
An honest young man who had es
caped a great, peril by an act of hero
ism, was much complimented for his
bravery.
One lady said: "I wish I could have
seen your feat."
Whereupon he blushed and stam
mered, and finally pointing to his pedal
extremities, said: "Well, here they be,
mum."
Rudely Shattered.
"Chumleigh says his first love was
his school teacher."
"Indeed."
"Yes. But he says love's young
dream was shattered the first time she
took him on her lap."
"That seems funny."
"Not at all. He was face downward
at the time."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Stale Newa.
"You'll be getting locked up, young
un, for ollering false noos."
"Not much, I shant these pipers are
three weeks old."—Moonshine.
Caah Depositor*.
One Small Boy—My papa puts the
^ioney he don't give to mother in a
coffee pot.
Other Small Boy—Mine don't he
puts it in a jackpot. I heard mother
say so.—Detroit Free Press.
An Impossible Husband.
"I can't imagine a woman marrying
a prize fighter."
"Too brutal?"
"I should say. Why, he would never
give her a chance to talk!" Philadel
phia North American.
Wanna Stretching,
She
had
shown her friend over
the
bijou villa, which she had Just talwn,
and which was very much like a some
what enlarged doll's house.
"And now, dear, what do you think
of it? Isn't it sweet?"
"YOB, indeed," replied the friend
"but what are you going to do with all
those little rooms?"
"Oh! I shall let them out, dear."
"Oh! that will be all right, then,
for I'm sure they want it."—Ally Slo
per's.
Those Artful Men!
Mrs. Naggerton—I cannot under
stand what the attraction of a public
dinner is to you men. You can enjoy
a good meal at home if you want to,
or if not there are plenty of restaur
ants where you might go, but only the
young men seem to take advantage of
them.
Mr. Naggerton (absentmindedly)—At
a public dinner, my dear, there are no
women, don't you see—(he never fin
ished).—Ally Sloper's.
Behind Ma's Back.
"Pa," said little Harry, "after nv
hit her thumb with the hammer today
she says she suffered untold agony for
ten minutes."
"My, my, my!" exclaimed the boy's
father. "Wonders'll never cease.
"That's the first time she ever let any
thing go untold that long."—Chicago
Times-Herald.
Consolation.
Jennie (to her aunt, who is grieving
over the loss of her pet canary)—
'"Well, auntie, there's one comfort,
anyhow, we know he's much better off
where he is."
About the Size of It.
Father—Where is your mother,
Johnny?
Johnny—She's out in the back yard
whittling.
Father—Are you sure she is whit
tling?
Johnny—Yes, sir she's trying to
sharpen a lead pencil.—Chicago News.
Mere Matter of Figures.
He entered the cheap restaurant and
took a seat at one of the tables. "Will
you have a 25 cent dinner or a 50 cent
one, sir?" inquired the waiter.
"Is there any real difference?"
"Certainly, sir."
"What is it?"
"Twenty-five cents, sir."
He Never Sleeps.
Fuddle—You know Stocks, don't
you?
Doctor—Yes, indeed. He is now a
patient of mine.
Fuddle—Pretty wide-awake man,
isn't he?
Doctor—I should say so. I'm treat
ing him for insomnia.
At the Wrong Door.
"Madam, I am soliciting for home
charities. We have hundreds of poor,
ragged children like those at your gate,
and
"Sir, those children are mine!" and
the slamming of the door could be
heard in the next street
Distorted by Olamoar.
"What is the honeymoon, pa?"
"Well, the honeymoon is the only
period in a man's life during which he
considers it funny to come home and
find that his dear little wife hasn't din
ner ready on time."—Detroit Free
Press.
Recognised His Opportunity.
Ada (pensively).—I hope you'll in
vite me to the wedding when you get
married.
Jack (boldly)—I'll invite you before
I ask any one else, and if you don't
accept there won't be any wedding.
A Woman's Question.
"I see he remarked, as he looked
up from' his paper, "that the British
have recovered that battery of guns."
"What was it covered with the first
time, dear?" she sweetly asked.—
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Fore# of Hablte
She—Why does that piano sound
first loud and then soft when Miss Wil
son plays it?
He—Well, you see, she is learning to
ride a bike, and uses both pedals from
force of habit.
Got Been with Thetn.
Novelist—Those confounded critics
slated my new novel most unmerci
fully.
Friend—Well,
you have your re­
venge. They had to read the book.
Fnrely Ornamental.
Visitor—Your smoking room is beau
tifully furnished.
Mr. Henpeck-Yes if I only were al
lowed to smoke in it!
For disorders of the
feminine organs have
gainod tholr groat ronown
and onorntous salo bo
oauso of tho permanent
good they havo done and
are doing for the women
of this oountrym
all ailing or suffer­
ing women oould be made
to understand how ab
solutely truo are tho
statements about Lydla Em
Plnkham's Vegetable
Compound, their suffer
ings would end*
Mrsm Plnkham counsels
women free of ohargem
Her address Is Lynn,
Massm The advloo she
gives Is praotloal and
honestm You oan write
freely to her she Is a wo
man.
J-THOMPSON & 80NS MFC. CO.
Box 501. BELOIT, WIS.
nDnDCVNEV* DISCOVERY gives
V quick relief and CM
res wo/rt
cases. Book of testimonials and 10 DAYS' treatment
WB. PR. H. H. MEKM'H 8QKB. «. lUnU. 6a.
When Answering Advertisements Mindly
Mention This Paper.
Says his twine last year was first class
CAVETT, OHIO, April 11, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago.
Gentlemen: The twine ordered of you last summer
proved first class and there was no complaint. Think 1
can send you quite an order this year if the price is O. K.
Yours truly, W. E. SUNDERLAND.
Our twine fave him satisfaction in everyway
KANSAS, ILL., April 9, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111.,
Dear Sirs: Would like your very best prices on bind
ing twine. I purchased my twine from you for two years
and it has given us perfect satisfaction in every wav.
Yours respectfully, C. C. SHUMAKER.
•MUST NOT IMITATE CURB.
Joseph W. Burgess of the firm of
Burgess ft Van Horn, chemists, and
Harry Lay and W. T. Fuge, barbers,
were arraigned in the criminal court
at Kansas City, May 2, on the charge
of refilling bottles which originally
contained Coke's dandruff cure with
a spurious article and passing it off
for the genuine. They pleaded not
guilty and were released on bonds of
|500 each to appear for trial May 24.
It is understood that other arrests
will follow and that the cases now
pending will be vigorously prosecuted.
Radical Care.
Since taking the drug treatment for
alcoholism he had lost his fondness for
fiooks.
"Your mind is doubtless affected,"
we suggested kindly.
"No, it's because reading maketh the
full man!" he exclaimed, shuddering
abhorringly.
From this we perceived that the cure
•was extremely radical.—Detroit Jour
nal.
1
DURABLE..
Send (or Catalogue snd
state your power needs.
Had our twine last year, and he and his
neighbors want it this year
LAKE, OHIO, April 9, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111.
Dear Sirs: 1 would like if you would send samples
and prices of your binder twine again this spring. The
twine I got of you last year was as good a twine as I ever
had, ana a good many of my neighbors want to send with
me this time for twine. L. L. GRAYBILL.
Says our twine is ail one could expect
RIPPEY, IOWA, April 6, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co.
It is with pleasure that I write to you, your twine is all
that one could expect. Please send me samples of your
twine, as I expect to order of you again this year.
Yours truly, BENJ. SUMMERS.
Twine pleased him last year and he wants
it again this year
MATTESON, MICH., April 10, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co.
Please send price list of your binding twine, also sam-
Jaction,
iles. I used your twine last year and it gave good satis
so I would like more this year.
Truly yours, C. H. RICHARDS.
JUNE 1 A BARGAIN DAY.
Farm News, one of America's best live
stock and farm journals, price 50 cents a
year, bas adopted a new and original plan
to get into new homes by making an un
usually low price on certain Bargain Days,
The best offer yet is to send it one year to
all who remit 15 cents to Farm News,Spring
field, Ohio on June 1, next Bargain Day.
Diplomacy.
Miss Wunder—Why do you always
ask Miss Sanger to play her own ac
companiments?
Miss Gabby—Why, she always plays
loud enough to drown her voice.—Balti
more American.
Binder Twine at low Prices.
If you want a special inside price on binder
twine, either Sisal, Standard or Manila, cut
this notice out and mail to SEARS, ROEBUCK
&
Co. (Binder Twine Department), Chicago,
stating about how much twine you will require
•••ill* MIS FklfllllFS and how soon you will want it, and they will
LtfflS bA« CHallltS save you money by quoting you a price that
will either seeure your order or compel the
party who supplies you to sell to you at a lower
price than he otherwise would.
Adapted for Alt Purposes
SIMPLE
ECONOMICAL
Solitude.
"Yes.'' muttered the old inhabitant,
in faultless dialect, "when I first came
to Kentucky to live my nearest neigh
bor was fourteen miles away, and in
those days the best guns carried a
scant two miles."
It isn't always because the play
strikes you forcibly that you see stars
at the theater.
d-
Twine satisfied him, so did price
FILLMORE, N. Y.
Montgomery Ward ft Co., Chicago, 111.,
Gentlemen Send me samples and quote me prices on
binder twine. We used your twine for the past three or
four years. Have saved money by doing so and well
satisfied with twine. ours trul'
W. ft. SWARTZ.
Says ours was the best twine he ever bad
ROCKWOOD, PA., April 2, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111..
Dear Sirs: Please give me the prices of your binder
twine, as the twine I got of you last year was the best I
have had yet. Yours truly,
D.M. WE1MER.
So well pleased with twine he got last year
that he will order again this year
CHARLES CITY, IOWA, April 2, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co.. Chicago, 111.,
Gentlemen: I write to find out what you can sell
Standard Twine this season. Send me samples and prices.
The twine I received from you last year was all O. K.,
and I have concluded to order twine from you again this
year. WM. BOEKEMEIKB.
Was well pleased with last year's twine and
wants it again this year
PATTONVILLE, TEXAS.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111.
Dear Sirs: What will you put binder twine at this
year? I purchased from you last year, and it gave per
fect satisfaction, so I will make another deal with you if
you are right in prices. I have found your goods to be
what you recommend them.
Yours truly, H. H. ABELS.
Wants samples and prices, as he liked what
he used last year
SMITHTON, WIS., April 9, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111.
Dear Sirs: 1 bought binding twine of you la«t year,
and was well pleased with it, so I would like to have you
send me a sample of your twine, and also the prices of it.
Yours respectfully, OTTO DRAEGER.
Gave him satisfaction and he wants our
twine again this year
OKLAHOMA, O. T., April 2, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, IU.
Dear Sirs: Please quote me prices, as soon as they are
established, on your Blue Label binder twine, as I used it
last vear and it save good satisfaction.
Yours truly, M. E. FRISS.
Says, considering quality and price, it has
no equal
LENA, IOWA, Jan. 10, 1899.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, III.
Dear Sirs: 1'have used Blue Label Binder Twine for
the past two years, and it has been entirely satisfactory.
Centering quali^dpnce
Has used our twine for past three seasons, always found it good, and
cheaper in price than others offered
HEDRICK, IOWA, March 26, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, III
Gentlemen: Please send me samples and prices of your binder twine as soonas ready.
I have been using your twine for tne last three seasons, and find it satisfactory and con
siderable cheaper than our dealers here ask for same. I sent you a large order last year
for myself and neighbors, and hope to send you a still larger order this spring as soon as I
receive samples and prices. Wishing you every success, I remain,
Yo
More than 25,000 farmers purchased their binder twine of
us last year, and we had less than twenty-five complaints all
told. No other brand of twine can show such a record.
BLUE LABEL
BRAND
STANDARD
CULL FROM
I S E N
McntgomeryWard
ik GO
CHICAGO
that
Tempting Pate.
"I have come," said the young man,
"to ask you to let me have your
daughter."
"Never!" shouted the millionaire."
"Thanks," shouted tiie other, as he
hurried away. "Up to this time she
has refused to smile upon my suit.
When I tell her that you object to me
she will be mine!"—The Columbian.
Very Falthfnl.
Purchaser—I would agree to your
price if I were only sure that the little
dog would be faifhful.
Dealer—Faithful? Well, I should
say so. I have sold him blaf a dozen
times already and he ha scome biTck
every time.—New York World.
DR. J. B. RfflDLAVD. Specialist.
Bjre, Ear, Hose and Throat,
Fargo. N. D.
Feara Quieted.
"How are conditions in your part of
the state?"
."All right," answered the Kentucky
mountaineer. "The danger's all over.
We were powerful scared for a while,
but I don't reckon there's any chance
of an ammunition famine now."—
Washington Star.
The love of money is the root of all
evil, but not all money is bad.
Alabama produced 7,000,000 tons of
coal and 1,083,905 tons of iron in 189J).
A cucumber farm of 1.100 acres is
the latest Lawrence (Kas.) project.
Theatrical managers announce strong
attractions for the week.
The first book printed in Minnesota
(in 1836) was a Bible.
WE CLAIM
Baker's Nonpareil
CATARRH
Is the only thing known that
Absolutely Cures Catarrh
No trouble to use It. Write for testi
mony ot parties cured, that you will be
lieve. Over1000cases oured in Minnesota.
BIKER DRUB COMPANY,
FERGUS FALL8, MINN.
N. D. N. V. —No. 22.— 1900.
sours respectfully, JOHN H. SHORT.
Binder Twine
Will be scarce this yearl Order it at once!
It has been predicted that there will be a serious shortage of
twine this year, owing to the scarcity of hemp, largely due to
the war in the Philippines.
Our Blue Label Binder Twine is the
best in the world. The average
breaking strength of our twine is 8o
pounds and we guarantee every
pound to give satisfaction or we'll
refund your money.
Our 1900
Blue Label Twine
Is put up in 50-lb. flat bales, each
bale containing ten 5-lb. balls.
We do not break bales.
PRICES
Standard "5?
lb. flat balM, on board cars lift
Chicago or Minneapolis, per lb. 11V
Pure white Sisal, 485 to
StIQSII 515 feet to the pound, in
WIVHI 50-lb. flat bales,
on board cars Chicago or
Minneapolis, per lb
lie
Averaging from 580
to 615 feet to the
pound, in 50-lb. flat
Manila
bales, on board cars Chi
cago or Minneapolis, per
lb
Montgomery Ward & Co.
CHICAGO
Tried Blue Label Twine with different binders and always found
it satisfactory
DAYTON, IOWA, Nov. 6, 1899.
we furnished him, and expresses his satisfaction, his binder befogthe McCormick.
I3ic
Our prices are net cash with
order no discounts to anyone for
any quantity.
All orders must be sent to us at
Chicago. We will be glad to quote
freight rates to any point upon ap
plication. We have the twine in our
warehouses at Minneapolis, and all
twine shipped to points in Minne
sota, North or South Dakota will be
shipped from MINNEAPOLIS the
day after the order is received at
Chicago.
Respectfully, 'BERGMAN BROS.
Has used our twine for several years and
always found it good
BRISTOW, IOWA, March 30, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago. III.
Dear Sirs: Please send me prices on binding twine.
Dur
5
SECURITY.
Genuine
Carter's
Little Liver Pills
Must Bear Signature of
Sea FaoSimlla Wrapper Below.
FORHEADACHb
FOR DIZZINESS*
FDR BILIOUSNESS.
FOR TORPID LIVER.
FOR CONSTIPATION.
FOR SALLOW SKIN.
FOR THECOMPLEXIOR
CURE 8ICK HEADACHE.
W. DOUGLAS
83 & 3.BO SHOE8 IBff
IVVorth S4 toS6compared,
r\ with other makes,
Indorsed by over
1,000,000 wearers. I
37«e genuine have W. L. I
Douglas' name and price I
stamped on bottom. Take
no substitute claimed to be
as good. Your dealer.
should keep them—if.
not, we will send a pair'
on receipt of price and a e.
extra for carriage. State kind of leathMfc
site, and width, plain or cap toe. Cat. frsst
W. DOUGLAS SHOE CO., Brockton. Mm.
CLAiriANTS FOR PENSION
IE write to NATHAN rsl'OIUIl
|r B1CKFORD, Washington, D. C., till
will receive quick replies. B.bthN.H. Vol
fita£20th Corps. Prosecuting Claim*
since 187!
When Answering Advertisements Kindly
Mention This Taper.
Says he doesn't care for samples as he knows
from experience that the twine is good
LEWISVILLE, TEX., April 7, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago.
Dear Sirs: Please send me you*prices on binder twine,
as I will need about 300 pounds. Give me your best prices,
please. I don't care for any samples, as I know the twine
You
is good. sours truly, E. F. ROBB.
Used our twine for three years and saved
money by doing so
VALLEY SPRINGS, S. D„ April 4,1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co.
Please quote binder twine prices. Hare used twine
from you tor three years, and saved good money by it.
Yours truly, W.J. KYLE.
Twine was all right and prices lower than
he could obtain elsewhere
VERMONTVILLE, MICH., March25,1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111.
Dear Sirs: How about binder twine for this yearT It
was all right last year, and cheaper than we could have
bought it here, although some predicted it would be no
good. Yours truly, JOHN McCARTY.
twine for several years past and find i
Yours very respectfully, J. W. PIPER.
Says our Blue Label Binder Twine was the
best he ever used
HELENA, MINN., March 23, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, IU.
Dear Sirs: Please send me samples and prices of your
twine. I ordered my twine from you last year, and it
gave me the best satisfaction. It was the best twine I ever
had. Yours truly, JOHN M. DEUTSCH.
Bought Binder Twine from ns last year and
found it 0. K.
DAWN, OHIO, March 29, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, III.
Dear Sin: Pleaie fend prices on binder twine (or this
•eason, as I found the twine bought of you last season to
be all O. K. Yours truly, C. L. BYARD.
Used it last year, was well pleased with it.
and wants more
WEBSTER CITY, IOWA, March 28,1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, III.
DearSira: Will you please send me samples and prices
on binder twine. We used the Blue Label Standard last
year, and were well pleased with it.
Yours truly, C. E. McCONNELL.
Liked what he got last year and wants more
RED WING, MINN.
Montgomery Ward ft Co., Chicago, IU.,
Dear Sirs: What is the price for twine this year. 1
bought some of you last year, and liked it first rate.
Please let me know the price.
Respectfully, OSCAR ANDERSON.
Don't care for samples as he knows twine
is all right and wants it
MATTOON, ILL., March 10, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, IU
Dear Sirs: Please send prices of your binder twine on
or about June 1. You needn't send samples. I used
your twine for the last few years and find it O. K.
Yours truly, WM. H. TEBUREN.
Likes twine and intends getting in his
order early
GRANGEVILLE, IDAHO, Mar. 34, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, III.,
Dear Sirs: Please send me samples of your binder
twine, also prices. Was well pleased with twine last
year. Want to get order in early this year.
Yours respectfully, GEO. S. SCHMADEKA.
As good as the best, and much cheaper io
price than that offered by local dealers
THOR, IOWA, Nov. 4, 1899.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, 111.
Gentlemen: Your Blue Label Binder Twine is all you
claim for it It is as good as the best binder twine I ever
used. It was cheaper by 4 cents per pound than any
other twine sold here, and it gave entire satisfaction botn
in price and quality. I was a little afraid of your twine
before, but will hereafter recommend it to anyone.
Yours truly, A. C. HOLM.
He and bis neighbors were well pleased
with our Binder Twine
MONITOR, W. VA„ April 10, 1900.
Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago, III.
Gentlemen: Will you kindly give me quotations for this
season on binder twine? I ordered of you last year for
myself and quite a number of my neighbors, and it gave
entire satisfaction. Respectfully yours,
J. M. WINDF.LL.