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'•%tv "i '~?!fV-^ &M IM Uu, laMMi with the govarameot ID Washington usert that American men are bulging in the middle because they eat wheat and oats In one form or .an other. Men with Urge stomachs Are frequently proud of the distinction. Often they stand with their hands on their hips and their coat tails pushed back. The side elevation may be star tling to the beholder or may be enter taining or may engender covetousness. It all depends upon the point of view. But stomachs are largely a matter of food and drink. If you want flesh about the hips and abdomen eat sugar and starch—wheat, oats, fresh bread, cake, pie, preserves, candy, ice cream, potatoes, heavy soups, fat meat, nuts, butter, cream, oyster patties, goose livers, beans and bananas. If you are already too large, diet, diet, diet, and then begin all over again. Crucify your appetite go into a strait jacket array yourself in sackcloth and ashes. Live on lean meat, eggs, fish and raw cabbage. Drink hot water. Walk five miles be fore dinner. Starve in the land of plenty. Become irritable. Watch the hungry and fierce look grown into your face. Go to* the scales every day. Dream of banquets. In three months your clothing will not fit you. Oh, it's great fun for the tailor and the doctor. —Cleveland Leader. His HodeK Lnncheont, "The ordering of my luncheon used to be a great nuisance," said a lawyer yesterday. "I would go into a cafe, perhaps pretty hungry, but two or tree minutes' study of the huge menu would put me in an uncertain, irrita ble mood, and no matter what I'd order I wouldn't enjoy it on account of the thought that I might have ordered something different and better. It was like going into a public library to read. With so many books there, it is im possible to sit down and read one book contentedly, as you can at home. But now 1 have an arrangement that makes my luncheon a joy. I said to my wait er oue day: 'What I eat here at noon costs me, on the average, $1.25, and my average tip to you is 20 cents. Now you ought to know what a nice luncheon is better than I do, so I make you this proposal: Serve me every day a lunch of my usual number of courses, and whatever under $1.25 it costs you can keep.' "The waiter jumped at that. He brings me every day now a better meal than I would think of ordering myself, and he makes from 20 to 30 cents by keeping down the price. It is a splen did scheme, and I wonder why I never thought of it before."—Philadelphia Record. Ther Don't Know Xervfi. Those who know the Chinese best have been particularly struck with their absence of nerves. The foreigner fidgets, the native sits still balmy sleep, especially in hot weather, will resist the foreigner's sweetest wooing, while to the native lying on a heap of stones or across the bars of a wheel barrow she comes as a matter of course we need constant change and variety, they would find contentment and rest on the treadmill. "It would be easy," says Mr. Smith, •to raise in China an army of 1,000,000 men—nay, 10,000,000—tested by com petitive examination as to their capaci ty to go to sleep across three wheel barrows, with heads downward, like a spider, their mouths wide open and a fly inside!" From which it is evident, says The North China Herald, that in a crusade against noise we can hope for no as sistance from our native fellow towns men. but instead a great amount of vis inertiae, if not positive opposition. A Chinese Dooley. Two Irishmen stood at Gates avenue and Bedford street discussing a Chi nese laundry siprn. "Kin ye say it. Pat?" "Where?" "There. Don't ye say it?" "Oh, Oi do now." "Well, they say a Chinaman's furst name is his last name. Do ye blave it. Pat?" "Yis." "Then rade it backward." "But rade it furrud furst, an it spells Lee Dew." "But rade it backward, man." "D-e-w, Do L-e-e, Le—Dooley." "Roight ye are, Pat, an Dooley is a foine old Irish name, but it's the furst toime in me loife Oi iver heerd of a Chi nese with an Oirish name. He ought to hang, the spalpeen."—Xew York Press. HI* Style. "I have been considering your appli cation for an editorial position." said the managing editor, "and I sent for you today that I might get some idea of your style." "Just so," replied the bright young man. "Well, you will observe, I am wearing a blue suit, plain, but well cut, and a brown soft hat quite the proper thing for this time of the year, dor' Will I In Cuba. In Cuba the kitchens are always on the roof or in the courtyards back of the house. Only twice a day does the Cuban housewife or servant prepare meals—at 10 o'clock, when she enters the kitchen to make ready 11 o'clock breakfast, and at 6 o'clock to cook the dinner, which is served at 8. Ttaoae Loving Glrla. Tody—Jennie tells me young Woodby proposed to her last night. Viola—I don't think I know him. Is he well off? Tody—He certainly is. blm.—Chicago News. She refused Effect of Opsleave. When a man gets beyond wondering where bis next meal is coming from,1 be falls to wondering who bis ancestors were.—Detroit Journal. 5 *3 3PVf* The Minneapolis Twice-a-wtek Farm erVTribune is not an agricultural paper. It is. a newspaper similar in sise and make-up the.Dally Tribune. It is called the ''Parmer's Tribune" because it is made up for persons who for want of time, mail facilities or price, cannot avail themselves of a daily paper. The Farm er's Tribune is given iree with this paper for paid in advance subscriptions. 20-25 How He Got KxereUe. Lord Palmerston used a clever ex pedient for coerelng himself Into a little regular daily exercise. It was his custom when In govern ment positions, to have his inkstand placed upon a table several yards away from the desk at which he worked, so that he had to walk several paces for each dip of Ink. He attributed his maintenance of sturdy health and Jaunty manner un ter the trying conditions of office rou tine to this simple practice, as also bla habit of performing all work standing. Reidr Anawer. "Papa, what is the meaning of the word 'candelabra?'" asked Sammy Snaggs, who was doing his "home work." "That's easy, Sammy," replied Mr. Snaggs. "The word explains ltBelf. A candy laborer Is a workman In a candy factory." Pittsburg Clironicle-Tele graph. This old world at best Is only an an vil and life a sort of Plutonian black smith, that, with varying blows, strikes us into form. The blow that hurts us most may shape us best I never listen to calumnies, because if they are untrue I run the'risk of be ing deceived, and if they are true, of hating people not wortb thinking t.bout.—Montesquieu. Citation Hearing Petition for Appoint, ment of Admlnlgtratrlx. S-ATE op NORTH DAKOTA, I Countv of Pembiua. f8" In County Court. Before Hon. V. Qiiackenbnsh. Judge, deceased™ the estate ot George B. Buker, Matildine Baker, petitioner, vs. George D. Biker, respondent. 8 The State of Sorth Dakota, to the above num ed reaponaeDts and nil persons interested in the estate of George B. Baker, deceased. .. Y?"?nd e?,c^ of y°Q are hereby notified that M&tildu Baker, the petitioner herein, has Bled IU this court her petition, praying that let tor* of administration uiioa the estate of George B. Baker, late of the township of Juliette, in tne countv of Pembina and state ot North Dakota, deceased, be granted to Matildine Baker, and that the said petition will be heard and duly considered by this court on Tuesdav, the 6th day of March A. D. 1900 at 10 o'clock 'in the fore noon of tliat day. at thecourt rooms of this court, in the connty couit house, in the ciiy of Pembina, county of Pembina and siaie ot North DakotH, and you and tueii of you are htrehv ci ed to be and appear betore this Court at said time aud place and answer said petiiion »ud show cause, if auy there be why the praver of s.iid petition shou id not be granted. By the Couit. V. QI ACKEXBUSH. [County Court *enl.] Judge of the Omntv Court. Dated the 16ih day oi January A. n. 1899. 4^30 Citation Itrartiig Petition for Appoint* ment of Adminlatiator. Before Hon. V. Quackeabush, Jndge. In the matter of the estate of Arthur C. Hous ton, deceased. Robert I. Houston. Petitioner. The State of North Dakota, to all persons in terested in the estate of Arthur C. Houston, de ceased. You, and each of you, are hereby notified that Robert I. Houston, the petitioner herein, has filed in this court his petitiou. praying that letters of administration upon the *estate of Arthur C. Houston, laie of Alberta, Northwest Territory, Dominion of Canada, deceased be granted to Thomas S. Houston and that the said petition will be heard and duly considered by this court on Tnesday. the 6th day of February A. D. 1SW0. at 10 o'clock in the forenoon of that day. at the court rooms of this court in the county court house in the city of Pembina, count} of Pembina and state of North Dakota, una You, and each of you, are hereby cited to be and appear before this court at said time and place and answe/ said ietitiou and show cause, if any there be. why the prayer of said petition should not be granted. By the Court. V. QCACKENBOSH, [County Court Seil.j Judte ot the County Court. Dated this 30th day of December A. D.. 1899. PEMBINA Building and Loan Association. P"M«11NA. NORTH DAKOTA. ttoue! .oaude uu good healE&luttSeciir'l) it.} »here in the county. What you payiorrtnl will pr.y the monthly dues. Noother paym«uh ,.ave be made,and in from six to eight. irsyou wn the properly. l)ne«oi)« 40'i li».. ,. -e tr mouth. Address. K. D. BOOKER, AUG. SHORT, •••ecrelar* President. Flour and Feed Store. The undersigned desire* to call the attention ot the farmers and people in genera) to the raei he is now prepared to supply all with Flour and Peed ot' dli kipii* •VHEAT, OATS AND BAK J£v Taken in exchange, or for cash, at fche highest. market ,iricf Store on corner Sturs mail and Second streets Mnmnina. FRANK FELDMAN, Succesor to H. (J."Feldman. ^rotiriftoi FERRYS SEEDS Thousands of garden era depend on Ferry'sHeeds every year and never suffer disappointment. Cheap substi tutes bring loss, not paying crops. It pays to pay a little more for 1 RBBY a SEEDS. Five cents per paper everywhere, and always worth It. Always the Best. 1800Seed Annua) free. D. M. KBIT & CO., DETRMT, MICH. Dotted States Mapc A copy of oar handsome 'map, 40x34 inches, printed in four colors and mounted on a roller, will ba sent to any addresa on receipt of 15 cants in. postal or espress money order. Wa cantfot fell nseipostage stamps. GEO. P. LYMAN, Gen rnl Pasaanger Agent C., B. & N. R. K.,SL PauL Jl.aa- '^I'nTI A Happy 4 The passing of the year $ IT Rotary Mottofl and Bait Bearings. ipMjiiliiii Ji And the coming of the new, reminds us of the unceasing flight of time. Another century before us. Another twelve months almost added to the countless ones gone before. An other season of resolves. Another leaf to be turned. To our patrons and friends, ond and all, we extend the joys of the joys of the season. May the new-born day of this twentieth oentury bring you the rewards of a well spent year and may it launch you upon the untired waters of the new year with all your life's prospects brightened, with energies refreshed and hopes renewed. The VVhfcQlei* 7 Se. Wilson M. H. MILLER, Jeweler. Sewing... Machines! it the only machine on the market with Ballf€ Bearings, and is therefore, the easiest running. IT has Rotary motion and therefore runs one third faster than any vibrating shuttle machine. Wftccler & Wilson ,Tisthe Sewhlg Machine. olde8t ma. c^ne on market and is therefore thoroughly reliable. IT is finished in ele ment style and is an or nament to any parlor. EVERY made of finest steel, (not malleable cast) and is indestructable. THESE ELECTRIC LIGHT WORKS. /t/a 4*1* a,i f, 0_ journal is are a few reasons why you should buy a Wheeler & Wilson EXTRAS furnished for any machine and re pairing done. OLD Pembina, North Dakota.! WILLIAM RUSSELL, PROPRIETOR OF machines tak- »r in exchange fornew Q. G. THOMPSON, Steam Boiler, Engine and Ha. ch repairing. Boilers reflued a specially. Pipe fitting and supplies. Oeneral BIscksmltMnjr A pent for Noble Rcf ning Co. jOils and Greases. Feed grinding. Carbon paper and Type writer ribboits at this office r' PIONEER Barber Shop. Hair-Cut in the Latest ^1. N 2H Century at the old stand, Corner Cavileer, Stutsman Sts. BBBBB••••••• If you wish anything in the Drug, Paint or Wall Paper lines— or forgot to pay your last year's ac count—don't forget to make us a call. You will always find us right. Ixixixixixixlxlxlxixixix! Q. The Drug Store. 0Q^)O^)O(^n(^n(x) Walhalla Roller Mills. CAPACITY, 125 BARRELS. BRANDS: Best Patent, Best Bakers, Little Daisy My Brands are always at the front. Merchants' trade solicited. Gristing a specialty. All work war ranted. JOHN F. MAGER, Walhalla, N. D. Styles. SHAflPOO and SEA-FO Ail S'ir -t, •'•i ir'" '4' 'it •JOSEPH GEROUX, •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••«*, Hearty Fifty-Eight Years Old! It's along life, but devotion to the true iutesrests and prosperity of the I American people has won for it new triends as the years rolled by and the original members of its family passed to their reward, and these admirers are loyal and steadfast to-day, with faith in its teachings, and confidence in the information which it brings to their homes and firesides. As a natural,consequence it enjoys in its old age all the vitality and vigor of its youth, strengthened and ripened by the experiences of over half a century. It has lived on its merits, and on the cordial support of progressive Americans. It is "The New-York Weekly Tribune," acknowledged the country oyer as the leading National Family News paper. Recognizing its value to those who desire all the news of the State and Nation, the publisher of "The Pioneer Express" (your own favorite home paper) has entered into an alliance with "The New York Weekly Tribune" which enables him to furnish both papers at the trifling cost) of $2.00 per year. Every farmer and every villager owes to himself, to his family, and to the community in which he lives a cordial support of his local news paper, as it works constantly and untiriugly for his interests in every way. b«*ings to his home all the news and happenings of his neighbor hood, the doings of. his friends, the condition and prospects for differ ent crops, the prices in liome markets, aud, iu fact, is a weekly visitor which should be found in every wide-awake, progressive family. Just think of it' Both of these papers for only $2,00 a year. Send all subscriptions to the PIONEtiR mf w/U m- IfXPRESi'.