Newspaper Page Text
4 HAPPY WOMEN. Vn. wife of C.. Q. Pare, a, aprom- Inent real dent ofGlas- &®vj£*°• Ky,, ^§S Assays:,. «j was $'&•« Her 1 "l.'1^rom a com^ ^'plication of kidney trou -v^bles. Besides 4f"" 1 ftM JrW^ la bad -back* **i I bad a great deal of trou ble with the re tlons, |j$?$y?ss -.^rr i& which were exceedingly variable, sometimes excessive and at other times scanty. The color was high, and passages were accompanied with ,t scalding sensation. Doan's Kidney Pills soon regulated the kidney secre tlons, making their color normal, and banished the/ Inflammation which caused the scalding sensation. I can rest well, my back is strong fund sound, and I feel much better in every way." For sale by all dealers, price 60 cents per box. FOSTER-MILBURN CO., Buffalo, N. Y. Worse Than Hanging. Daring i} celebrated, murder trial in New York city two Irishmen were among the interested spectators. "Sure, the evidence will convict the .prisoner".remarked one. "Ndt only convict him, but will bang him," returned the other. "Han alive! They don't hang mur derers in New York!" "Well, what do they do with them?" "Kill them with elocution."—Phila» delphia Public Ledger. Deafness Cannot Be Cured Vy local applications, tbey cannot reach tbe dla «iiel portlfen of tbe ear. Tbi •ore deafness, and tbat li by coi Deafness la canted by an Inflamed condition of tbe I do not believe Plso's Cure for Consumption has an equal for coughs and colds.—JOHN F. BOTJSB, Trinity Springs, Ind., Feb. 15.1900. Hard to Find. An English tourist in the Highlands took a great fancy to a splendid coolie dog belonging to a farmer and gave the farmer £50 for it. "Now, Donald,' he said, when the bargain was com pleted, "wouldn't it pay you far bet ter to raise dogs than to raise sheep?" "I dinna ken aboot that," was the cautious reply. *^Ye see, I can get fowk to buy my sheep at' ony market, but it's no every day I can get a fule to give mo fifty pounds for a doug." MURDERING TIME. Francis Wilson Thought It Better Killed Than Beaten. Francis Wilson, the comedian, was hearsing a musical piece one hot day last summer. Every one in the com pany was tired from their work and the heat, and things were not running smoothly. As is generally known, Mr. Wilson's voice compels him to almost speak his songs. The chief musical number of the piece had bfeen sung four times, when the musical director called for a repetition. The company started it again, and had sung only a bar or two when the director stopped them, and tapping his baton, angrily said: "Come, come, Mr. Wilson, you are Just murdering the time." "Well," replied the actor, "it's bet ter to 'murder it at once than to be continually beating it as you do."— Philadelphia Public Ledger. .Ml BY PROXY. What the Baby Needed." I suffered from nervousness and headache until one day about a year ago it suddenly occurred to me what a great coffee drinker I was and I thought maybe this might have some thing to do with my trouble, so I shifted to tea for 'awhile but was not better, if anything worse. "At that time I had a baby four months old that we had to feed on a bottle, until an old lady friend told me to try Postum Food Coffee. Three "months ago I commenced using Pos turn, leaving off tluj tea and coffee, ', and not only have my headaches and yv- nervous troubles entirely disappeared, but since then I have been giving plenty of nurse for my baby, and 'have a large, healthy dhtld now. "I bave no desire to drink anything \:j\r "but Postum and know it has benefited ,.s my children, and I hope all who have ^cbildren will try Postum and find out '^-for themselves what a really wonder 'ful food drink It is." Name 'given by S^Postum Co.,1 Battle Creek, Mich. As Both teaand coffee contain quanti ties of a poisonous drug called Caf feine that directly affects tbe tottrfc kidneys, itoMi nd^ei^vei. Postum is made from cereals, only, scientifical ly blended to get- tbe coJTee flavor. Ten toys' trial of, Postumln place of tea or coffee will sho% a.fc$$ltb secret wortticaoK^tbaii a gtMjalikp. a reaeon. .vr.. ere la only ane war to constitutional remedies. mneoua lining of tbe Eustachian Tube. Wben tbla tube la inflamed you have a rumbling aound or Im perfect hearing, and wben It la entirely cloaed. Deaf ne« la tbe reaalt, and nnlaas the Inflammation can be taken oat andthla tabe reatored to ite normalcondl ttoa, bearing will be destroyed fortrM nine oaaea out of fcn are eanaed by Catarrh, which la nothing but an Inflamed condition of tbe tnucoua surfaces.' We will give One Hundred Dollar* for any cue of Deafness (eanaed by catarrh) tbat cannot be cured brHall'a Catarrh Cure. Bend for circular*, free. P. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, O.' Sold by Druggists, 75c. Take Han's Family FUle for constipation. An Incorrect Smile. "Well, we've struck at the shop again," said Tenspot to Hawkins. "I thought you had a strike there a month ago.' "We did, and won it. Now we have another strike. We're lightning, I tell you." "But I thought that lightning didn't strike twice in the same place."— Judge. X,. 5'1,11There'* :n Persons who have become addicted to ..drinking Intoxicating liquors to excess occasionally reform, gamblers once '•in a while lay down the cards and work for a living, but once a man has Allowed the mania for fishing lb secure a firm grip on him he rarely recovers until disabled by old age or accident.- It will therefore sur prise many to learn that within the piasfc ^eek three fishermen of this city nave been cured of their disease, and no more desire td fish. One of them is J. Edmonston, whose chance for a day's sport on Labor day was ruined by his boy losing the net with which he was fishing for minnows under a wharf. He determined to have an other try, and so rigged up a coil or grapple of barbed wire and undertook to fish up his net He pulled up lots of brush and rubbish of all sorts, which had collected under the wharf, but could not catch his net. Finally, as he was hauling tip his grapple for the last time, he 'heard something drop and found that his costly hunt ing case gold watch, with a gold fob She, timid, diminutive woman, was frankly boasting. "Once I was great er than all railroad rules and regula tions," she was saying, "and I held a train Jen minutes. No, I did not flag it, but I just kept everyone waiting all that time for me to get off. You see, it was this way: When my sta tion was called I started up to leave the car and found myself yanked back suddenly. Again I tried to rise and again I was rudely tumbled back into the seat. Then I discovered that my dress skirt was firply fastened be tween the cushion and the woodwork. In some way it had worked under, and every time I tried to move I snapped back as if there was an elas tic hand attaphed to me. I tugged and tugged, but I simply could not loosen my skirt. "I called to the conductor and ex plained my predicament to him. He took up the cushion, but by that time my skirt had worked around until it was wedged fast between the frame of "A neighbor of mine at Bath Beach last July," said «ex-Sheriff "Tom" Dunn, "used to bore everybody on the train by bemoaning the vagaries of his lawnmower. He had about ten square feet of lawn that he used to shave most conscientiously every oth er day. His lawnmower, however, seemed possessed, of a mischievous demon of some sort. It would sulk and refuse to go. Then, when he started to investigate the cause of the stoppage, it would start suddenly and cut his finger to the bone. It would alternately fail to cut the grass at all and dig great furrows in the soft turf. He tried to sell It, but no one wouli? take it as a gift. At last, one morning he showed me an advertise ment in a Brooklyn paper offering for sale at a ridiculously low rate a peer less. lawnmower^that was warranted to cut grass as evenly and as regu larly as a patent razor. The owner's address would be furnished at the office of the newspaper. One of the first things to impress itself upon a foreigner in Japan is the peculiarity and the excellence of the physical training given to Japanese youth. They are a race of miniature Spartans, and they have become so through such patient, painstaking toil and endurance as would appall the av erage American youth, inured to soft nesses. The Japanese schools are nearly all modeled after American in stitutions, or, as the people like to be lieve, after a composite of all that is best in the schools of America, Eng land, France and Germany. The stu dents are not, of course, trained in modern athletics, and could hold their own at nothing of this kind with our magnificent college boys, but in sim ple physical training, making the very best of what nature has provided, the Japanese excel any people I have ever •teen. My very first day in the little island empire was full of exclamations about this constantly evident nation- In the ,daya done gone when the ..drought was on arid th£ .chlntzbugs chintaed in. the' grain: when we jest raised crops fur the thing that hops, an' the cyclone dusted the plain then our reg'lar fare was but prairy air C: vt as we follered the shinift* plow, an' M?' our Sunday clothes would alarm the PP* .crows, but you bet it's different,now. Oh! a' tarmer's life is the life fur*me I'm the wlnnln' card In the deck In these rnttlin' days o* prosperity I am in it up to the neck! My sufferin' teeth I no longer gnash, I'm king o' the rural rank. With nuthin* to do but count the cash .... An' carry.,it to thevbank. Our. good ol' Wives in their hard luck lives. were tpgged in but tattered 'rags the waists tin their bacKs made o' flour, 'sacks an', the skirts wus of gunny bags. Now the gowns •. they.-wear on their -Aggers bear the 's. hand, an' their tairy. dream, in', Cured of Fishing Habit Wolrnah Stopped the Train Was Same Old Mower Strong Youth of Japan The Kansas Farmer's Song mark o* the tailor's, hand, an' the! jewels gleam like a fairy dream, they're stylish to heat the -bandI 8oeiety Women Siinugglere. 4 Customs officers in New york-: de^ cl&re that. an epidemic \of smuggling se£ to,:ih£re%,atlut -tfywe weekb agp atjjd Ja4,now. toii6ve4 ^o oe at llfc •"'"Sift chain and diamond-studded emblem at tached, had dropped into the river on account of his stooping too low. ,Bo held. his breath, and stopped hauling at his grapple for a minute, till he had bet himself. $500 that his wat&h had not been caught in the grappled Th^sn be pulled up slowly, and there was his watch and fob, all right. He let his net stay in the river, threw his grapple away, and on the spot took a solemn vow never again to fish for anything and to always consider bis last catch his record one. The other two $ere cured of their mania by walking ten miles in the dust, smoke and heat down to the mouth of tho Willamette, and then pulling a boat for hours, fishing for bass, and never getting even a bite. They are both men of mature years and of sound minds, and when they found out that the slough is fished, by. farmers with set nets every night,' and the markets supplied in this way, they put their fishing tackle,i including new bait buckets away, and said thpy will fish no more—Portland Oregonian. SUP the seat and the wall. It was an ex pensive dress, and I did not want to tear it. I was nearly in tears until I heard the conductor give the brake man orders to hold the train, and then I nearly giggled myself into hys terics. "Two men behind me joined in the tussle. They told me to stand up, i-hey told me to sit down. I expected any minute that they'd tell me to stand on my head before I was re leased. Meanwhile the other passen gers in the car had gathered around and were offering assistance, and I was nearly burning up with mortific: tion. Finally a man with deft, carefi fingers pulled my skirt out bit by bit, while the crowd audibly expressed their admiration every time he had gained half an inch. Finally he wrenched the last bit out, and I fled. The brakeman smiled as he helped me off and said admiringly: '"My, but you've delayed the train ten minutes.'" al characteristic, which belongs to the lower classes and the great middle class. The highest class in Japan is remarkable, alas! for, physical weak ness more than for physical perfec tion, a condition attributable to cen turies of an extraordinary sedentary mode of life. The ship on which I crossed the Pacific ocean had not cast her anchor in Yokohama harbor be fore she was surrounded by a great crowd—''swarm" better expresses it— of sampans, little heavy wooden boats propelled by a single oar at the stern, anl almost without exception handled by boys apparently about twelve to fourteen .years old, and whose' half naked bodies, straining against the heavy oars, looked as if they had been modeled in bronze by some master artist. Their training is the kind which necessity forces upon the la borer, of course, but it is none the less splendid, and will have no less splendid effect upon the future Japan. —Leslie's Weekly. But On ONE ja riii 'No New York for mine this morn ing!' chortled my neighbor. 'I'm going to get that peerless lawnmower this very day and take it home to my wife as a surprise this afternoon. She's been wild to get rid of our old mower. From the description, this new one is just what we've been yearning for. And to-night I'll throw the old one into the ash-barrel.' "The following day we were on the same train again, and I expected to be bored by a glowing account of the glorious new lawnmower. But, to my surprise, its possessor seemed try ing to avoid me. 'How about the new lawnmower?' I asked. 'There is no new lawnmower,' he answered shortly. "But the advertisement' 'But that advertisement,' he re plied, with terrible solemnity, 'was inserted by my wife.' "—New York Telegraph. whack. it my howler's knocked out o' the knocker's bugle I ust to blow, A regular downright crank. But it's diff'rent now since I've got the dough In the Farmers' and Drovers' Bank. When the crop's all sold an' I've got-the 'sold we are off on a furrin tower, 'v ?n we make the trip on a hfgh rf toned ship that kin swim'forty .miles an hour an' the togs we wear make the natives stare—oh,! they rubber neek at °ur clothes: an' the cash we blow till you'd'think, by jo! wfc was playin' it .through, a hose! bh'! a fareftir's life is'the life fur me Im a king o' the jay hawk blood I a-wallerin' in pros-ifcr-i-tee, rf*,. The happiest, hog in the mud. In society do|n's I cut st dash I've a hefty, roll in my Hank: r$ An* I've got a haymow full o' pOkh' In the Farmers' ah' Drovers' Bank —Denver Po$f the offenders, bringing in cut dia monds toocealed in their "eoiftures and in nooks of- their clothing which Oftly .the most experienced wom«tn in spectors can disepver. •-f y° .-His. -J of the greatest naval battles in the world was the Fight Off Santiago. Never since the dispersion of the S a A a a has there I A GREAT NAVAL BATTLE. I more op- och mak ing victory In the onward march of civilization than in the notable event of July 23, 1898, in which the great hero, Admiral Schley, took a leading part. It was a great naval battle. Without a moment's warning it began. Quick decision, undaunted courage, excellent dis cipline, resolute self-confidence—these combined in Admiral Schley to produce that dash and daring so characteristic of the American soldier. A man must think quickly in .these days. There is no time for slow action. New enterprises arise in an hour. Old ones pass away in a moment. A multitude of great themes clamor for notice. A man man must take sides for or against by intuition, rather than1 logical deduction. One day this fighting admiral, Schley, happened to be in company with oth ers who I ADMIRAL'S OPINION OF PE-RU-NA. I talking on various topics of popular interest. The subject of Peruna was BABY'S DIAGNOSIS. Why the Man With the Long Beard Was Embarrassed. Seated on a bench in Central Park a nurse girl was gently moving to and fro a perambulator in which was a baby of about fifteen months. At the other end of the bench was a man whose prominent lower jaw was adorned with a luxuriant beard which parted in the middle and curved gracelj^ outward and upward. For several minutes the baby re garded the man, aud especially the whiskers, with grave attention, while he looked at her with an air of lofty condescension. At length a beatific smile overspread the little one's feat ures. Then, with her blue eyes still fixed upon the whiskers, and kicking up her tiny feet in an ecstasy of de light, she gurgled: "Bow-wow! Bow-wow!" A wave of color suffused the man's face above the whiskers and he hitch ed himself uneasily in the seat. It was was an awkward situation, and to re lieve it the nurse girl said: "No, dearie, that isn't a doggie." The man remained to hear no more. —New York Press. Cured Her Rheumatism. Deep Valley, Pa., Oct. 31.—(Spe cial.)—Ther% is deep interest in Green county over the cure of the little daughter of I. N. Whipkey of Rheu matism. She was a great sufferer for five or six years and nothing seemed to do her any good till she tried Dodd's Kidney Pills. She began to improve almost at once and now she is cured and can run and play as other chil dren do. Mr. Whipkey says: "I am indeed thankful for what Dodd's Kidney Pills have done for my daughter they saved her from being a cripple perhaps for life." Dodd's Kidney Pills have proved that Rheumatism is one of the results of diseased Kidneys. Rheumatism is caused by Uric Acid in the blood. If the Kidneys are right there can be no Uric Acid in the blood and conse quently no Rheumatism. Dodd's Kid ney Pills make the Kidneys right. Antique. Mr. Cribbs—Mrs. C., I have borne with resignation—nay, even with cheerfulness—antique chairs that wob bled, antique clocks that were always thirteen hours behind time, antique rugs that some prehistoric Turk wove, antique china, antique bowls, pans diid kettles. All this I have smiled at but when you give me antique eggs for breakfast I draw the line, madam, I draw the line. A woman would about as lief not have a mother as for her not to give her recipes to make the cook mad. PR. H. RINDLAUB (Specialist), Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat. Fargo, N. O. N. D. N. U. —NO. 45— 1904. s. 1 «A Known tha world orer as the promt .st, surest cure for ?fcWT 3-^: a 'A/..g&MA ...VA Peruna Drug Co., Columbus, Ohio, Gentlemen:'—"I can cheerfully state that Mrs. Schley has taken Peruna and I be lieve with good effect." —W. S. SCHLEY. to*:*:*:*:*:*:*:* Battle o! Santiago. Where Admiral Schley Made History. been a Nothing Left. The late Dean Hole was fond of sports of all kinds, but when a report came to his ears that his groom had been engaged in a pugilistic set-to, the dean felt it his duty to administer a suitable rebuke, winding up with: "I hope .you were separated" (se verely). "Beg pardon, sir, when I'd finished he didn't want no separating," said the groom. Important to Mothars. Examine carefully every bottle of CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for infants and children, end sec that it Bears the Signature of la Use For Over 30 Years. Tbe Kind You Have Always Bought. A Shovel Wanted. A detective inspector tells a story of an Irishman who, while walking with his friend, passed a jewelry store where there were a lot of precious stones in the window. "Would you not like to have your pick?" asked Pat. "Not me pick, but me shovel," said Mike. Point of View. Mifkins—So your friend Enpeck claims to be a self-made man, eh? Bifkins—Yes but if you were to see him when his wife happened to be around you would think he was made to order.—Minneapolis Times. The rich man is the keeper of the poor man's bank account. MM. Window's Soothing: Sjrrop. For children teething, softens the grurag, reduce* tth JUmmatlon, alia a pain, curea wind colic. 25c bottle. Popularity has a mighty short mem ory. St. Jacobs Oil &£t raised, its popularity as a catarrh remedy, its national im^ portance, its extensive use. One asked his opinion. Without a moment's hesitation, he said: I can cheerfully say that Mrs. Schley has taken Peruna and I believe with good effect." Like the Battle of Santiago, the thought was sprung upon him without any warning, and he disposed of it with the same vim and decision as he did with the Spanish fleet led by the ill-fated Viscaya. His words concerning Peruna have gone out into the world to be repeated by a thousand tongues, because he has said them. Like the news of his victory over Cervera, his words con cerning 1 be b-V the ADMIRAL'S WORDS CARRY WEIGHT, aiiu. passed from mouth to mouth, across oceans and con* tinents. Except for an in-born manly independence, in a country of free speech, these words never would have been uttered by an officer in such a notable position as that of Admiral Schley. 'Except for a world-wide notoriety and popularity, such.aa Peruna enjoys, no remedy could ever have received such" out spoken public endorsement by such a man. Burns Scalds and Bruises E WANT YOUR NAME RheumatismaBd Neuralgia •mitoro tin odwardiMo., Grain Ci (ole's (polisallB Instantly itope the pain of Burns and Scalds. Alwiri heoln withont aean. 26 and HOo br druggist*, or mailed on reoeipt of P»*oe bjO.W. Goto* w&w. caught "J I multitudes A COMMODORE'S TIP. His Valuable Advice to a Man With a Naphtha Launch. Commodore E. C. Benedict and hie Wall street friend, L. D. Huntington, were fishing together recently when a casual acquaintance in another boat who thought it a golden opportunity to get a valuable tip, maneuvered his craft so that it floated by quite near them. "How do you think things are go ing, commodore?" he asked, eagerly. "Well," said Benedict, who is an: enthusiastic yachtsman, but has a holy horrof of naphtha, "sailboats may go down, but naphtha launches are mora than likely to go up."—New York Times. Co., Black Birar Palladia I KMP BOX HANDY I THE FISH BRAND SUCKER A VALUED FRIEND, "A good many yean ago I bought a FISH BRAND Slicker, and it hat proven valued friend for many a stormy day, but now it is getting old and I must lm« another. Please send me a price-list." (The name of this worthy doctor, obliged to be out In all sons of weather, wilt A-U2,T^co-application.)oagivenbe TOWER CANADIAN COMPANY, Limited Toronto, Canada 'SRBlP' Wet Weather Clothing, Suits, and Hats for all kinda of wet work or sport and full SUCCESSFUL COLD, SILVER, COPPER, LEAD, ZINC AND QUICKSILVER