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The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, January 11, 1908, Section Two, Image 14

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THIS MJUtlON DAILY MlMtOIt, ATtIHl)AY JANUARY 11, i()08.
v i ,ytn' jTJgi
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S LATEST
Tries to Solve Problem What Be
comes of Crickets In Winter.
POLICE INTERRUPT HIS WORK
Queer Actlont Result In His Arreit,
. hd He Has to Give Up His Investi
gations Taken Home by an Officer
Under Protest.
Copyright, 1007. by T C. McClure.
When Mr. Ilowscf roso' up from the
dinner table tlio other evening, ho
pnBflcd through the kitchen Into the
bock yard, nnd ,nftcr three or four
minutes the cook cntno In to .Mrs. Bow
ser and naked i
"And enn you tell mo what's going
to hrippen now, mn'nm?"
"Hbw do you menu?"
"Why, Mr. Bowser Is looking for
Something In the grass out theru mid
lighting ft tnntch now mid then. If the
gng meter Is to ho blown up or the
water pipes bursted, 1 wnnt to get out
of here."
, Sho wns nssurcd Hint nothing In .the
lino of tragedy was likely to happeu,
rind when Mr.' Bowser emtio In ho wnt
nsked If ho had been hunting for a
lost pockctknlfo.
"It wns Just it prcllmlunry Invcstlgu
tlon," ho replied.
"lnvrstlgntlon of whnt? I wish you
wouldn't bo upottlng the girl with
your mysterious nctlous. You keep her
on (ho ragged edge all the time."
"Mrs. Bowser, If the men who have
been delving into the sciences for thb
FLASU1NQ TUU IilOIir OVIUl THE OltAHS.
Inst 200 years had paid attention to
tho whims of u red headed servant
girl, where vould wo lime been now?"
"Then yon are delving, nro you?"
"I um. If I can contribute anything
to tho general knowledge of tho world
by a llttlo effort on my part I feel It
my duty to do so. I have spent very
llttlo time In Investigating, nnd yet It
has not been entirely thrown" away.
What would wo hnvo known of nat
ural history It hundreds of men had
not delved? But for tho fact that Ilov.
Mr. Long, the naturalist, has hpont
years aud years In tho foiest, would
wo know thnt when children nro lost
a wolf takes It upon himself to lead
them homo? Would wo hnvo learned
thnt when a bird breaks Its leg It acts
as Its own surgeon by tying splints
around It?"
"And you were helping along tho
causo by looking among tho bones,
bottles and cans In tho back yard?"
suggested Mrs. Bowser.
Mr. Uowser didn't reply for Ilvd min
utes. It took Ii tin all that tliuo to
flush red nnd while nnd keep from
yelling out nt her. When ho had final
ly got ft hold with his toes on the floor
ho replied:
"If you want to know whnt I was
out there for I enn tell you. There
wcro some gentlemen belonging to tho
Naturalist club In tho olllco today, and
the question enmo up ns to how crick
ets 'passed tho winter. They contend
ed thnt thoy burrowed In tho earth be
low tho frost lino to reappenr In May,
nr.d I contended that they died of hun
ger aud cold mid that tho crickets of
next year would bo born of eggs de
posited In tho grass. I steppcil out
BOWSE'
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBbI BBbH.BBbIbBBBBBBBBBBLbbbbbbbbb1
Into tho back ynrd to mnko n prellml
' nary Investigation."
"But what do you cato whether
crickets die off or not?"
"Whnt did tho world enro whother
Stevenson Invented his locomotlvo or
not? I nm not caring so much for my
self but for tho generations that nro
to come after me. Tho evenings hnvo
grown cold. Wo hnvo had frosts. If
tho crickets burrow they nro burrow
lug now. If thoy turn up their toes It
ought, to bo easy to And their dead
bodies In tho grass."
'Jdhntt't wo rliu into Green's n llttlQ
wlillo tonight?" sho nsked to chango
tho subject,
"Not tonight. Wo can run Into
Ofp?i's nny time,. It Is a still ntglit,
with h touch of frost In the n!r, Thoro
'couldn't bo n better night to Investi
gate tho crlckot problem, If I solve It
1 In the manner I expect to, I want f
,,.ltn ii mi' tllanfifni'V nnil cntnl It in
i" tho chiliy papors.vl am now going to
. tnko a llttlo wnlk and may not lm
buck for nu hour or two."
"Very wejl," replied Mrs. Bowsei In
reafknl tones, realizing that any ob
jection's were useless.
Mr. Bowser put on his fall overcoat
Mtitl feat mifi took up his cnuo nnd left
the houso. Ah soon ns ho got outside
berate he tried to look ll:o n nntu
Nil who wad on the eve of n groat
ilieofdry. but ho didn't, mnko milch of
itJfMMettM at It. AU old woman came
mimmU
m (Kv-ypM uiifl ana aikea.ror
nfoknl to buy ton with, nnd when hi
rifiled It sho stepped back mid said:
"It Is such blowers ns you with the
big atomnrliH on them thnt nro dilvlhg
tu? poor people to revolution."
Heard a Cricket.
Mr. Bowser walked on fdr half n
mile and then reached tho suburbs,
lie hnd no sooner struck vacant prop
erty than tho voice of n cricket reach
cd him. It wns n plnlntlvo voice. l
seemed to sny that the watermelon
season wns over, mince pics had be'
come tile fashion agnln nnd that tlffi
world hnd no longer nny uro for crick
ets. Matches In plenty had been
brought along, and the nmnteur unt;
ui'nllst wns soon" down on his knees
nnd flashing the light over tho grass,
After live minutes ho came fnco to fncij
with a crlckot. It wns nu old shell;
back, who hnd been hopping about nuil
singing all summer mid now had n
tired nnd dusty look. He even looked
Into Mr. Bowser's eyes with whnt
seemed to be nn nppenl. He didn't
wnnt money, but he certainly had cold
fqct and was thinking of feather beds,
lie hadn't burrowed and he hndn't
frozen to death, nnd tho discovery
didn't solve tho problem. Tho Insect
hnd Just taken n stiff hoppctytnhop
when n gruff voice nt Mr. Bowser's"
elbow dcmniided: '
"Now, then, what sort of n racket is
this? What have you lost hero on my
lots thnt you are lighting matches tu
see by?" '
"My frleud, I nm looking for crick
ets," replied Mr. Bowser us he roso up.
"W-h-n-tt"
"Looking for crickets, I said."
"Then you'd better hnve tho keeper
of an Idiot asylum looking for you!
Whnt In tho devil do you want of
crickets?"
"Do you know whether crickets bur
row In tho earth nt this tlmo of year
or simply die of the cold?"
"Do I know? Do I know?" shouted
the man ns he began to swing his
nrms about. "You must think I'm u
lunatic to nsk mo such u question us
Hint. I'm the owner of thnt saloon up
there, nnd I have no tlmo to bo around
bug hunting. By whnt right do you
come on my property without saying a
word to mo?"
"Why, If you nrc so mighty particu
lar nbout It"
"Well, I nm that, nnd you get off.
You may be hunting for crickets, nnd
you may bo hunting for geese, nnd you
can't go too soon to plen&o me."
Mr. Bowser went. Ho realized thnt n
row In tho neighborhood would dis
turb nil the crickets for a mile around.
He continued his wnlk Tor half n mile
nnd then turned nsldc from the street
again. There wns no saloon In sight,
nnd tho nearest houso wns forty rods
nwny. He now caught the voices of at
least six crickets, and he pnused to In
terpret them. As nenr ns ho could
make out, half of them wanted hot
beef ten nnd woolen blankets, nnd tho
other linir wanted to borrow spades
and plcknxcs to do their burrowing
with. He got down nnd lighted more
mutches, nnd ho was cnrefully paw
ing over tho cold and brittle grnss
when be heard a horso coming on a
gallop. He had hardly straightened
himself up when n mounted policeman
hnltcd beside him nnd nsked:
"Who nro -you nnd whnt nro you do
ing hero?"
"My name's Bowser, nnd 1 was look
ing for crickets."
"Don't try to guy me, old man. I
wasn't born yesterday."
'Terhaps you never hoard of n crick
et for nil that."
Arrested by Policeman.
"Oil, yes I have. I know a cricket
from an old -.ng tho minute I set eyes
on him. You me coming along wltb
me. You nro one of tho felleis thnt
kept tho crime wave going lust sum
mer." Mr. Bowser fell buck on 'his dignity.
No go. Then ho tried bluff. Worse
yet. Then ho accompanied tho otllccr
buck to the saloon nnd Identified him
self nnd stnted his object In such n
maimer that the cop wns finally con
sti allied to say:
"Well, I wouldn't hnve believed thoro
wns n man foul enough to go hunting
crickets nt night, but perhaps you mo
all right except being n llttlo crncked
In the head. I'll tee you home, and If
your wife bus good house she'll keep
you off tho htrpctH o' nights after tills."
"Aye, she'll have to," added tho sa
loonlst. "I'm sine the old cock was
after my flock of geese, no matter
jvhnt ho says, nnd If ho comes ngaln
I'll Jump him seven feet high with a
charge, of buck-shot."
Mr. Bowser wanted to go homo nlone,
but the ofllccr was tnklng no chances.
He accompanied him clear to the gate,
nd vising nnd warning hhn nil the wny,
uud lie sat his florce until the door
opened nnd closed uguln.
"Well," snld Mrs. Bowser ns sho
looked up from her book, "have you
found out whether crickets burrow or
freeze?"
"We'll see our respective Inwyers
about tho dhorcu In the morning," ho
quietly replied us he fell Into n chair
with u sigh of relief. M. QUAD.
'Simpleton seenls to hare a fortune
In his mine."
"Kr-nol The fortune's only la kla
mind."
Not Quite the Same Thing,
BY
Limekiln Club's President An
nounces a New Stock of Them.
HAVING A BULL CHASE YOU.
Sign That Things Have Dwlndlod Along
Until They Have Finally Reached a
Climax" and Can't Be Put Off Any
Longer.
Copyright, 1007.
"My frens," said Brother Gardner of
tho Limekiln club nfter the. routine
business nt tho Inst rcgulnr mee,tlng
had been' disposed of, "we has been
drcnmln' old dreams nnd secln' olA
signs fur n long time past. I think do
time bus como fur sunthln' flow, if do
cull'd rnce nm gwluo to keep Up wld
do purscsalon, den old things must be
dun away wld. Whnt cull.'d folks
"TO HAVE A MULT, TAKI5 AHTEIt YOU.
dreamed of n hundred years ngo don't
count now. Dnrfore nfter n good deal
of thought nnd flggerln' I desire to
present you do follorln', which will
stnnd until further notice ns do only
schedule Issued mid authorized by dls
club:
"To drcntu dnt you nm wulkln' nlong
do seashore nnd Hud n diamond breast
pin slgnerfles dnt dar um gwlne to bo
sickness In your family. If you hnlu't
got no family, den your aunt or your
uncle nm gwlno to be tooken down. If
you hain't got a relative on nlrth,
you'll be tooken yourself, uud suit
peter won't save you.
"To dremn dat you am n codfish
snllln' nlong do briny deep is one of
do best dreams I know of. It signer
lies dut when do landlord comes to
collect de next month's rent he nm
gwlno to drop n ten dollar bill on do
lloh and not notlco It
"To dream dat you am n lobster nnd
dnt In nttncklu' a sclioolmn'am wnlk-
in along do shore you huvo one of
your claws knocked off nm n dream
dat soon brings results. Do police um
gwlno to bo wntchln' In do alley fur
you.
"To dream dat you nm n whnlo and
am swlinmlu' mound nnd tnklu' up
most of de Untitle ocean slgnerfles
dat when you go to your Job In du
mnwnln' do boss nm gwiuu to gib you
do bounce. He's found a dago who
will work 50 cents n day chenper.
"To dream dnt you am a glrnffo slg
nerflcs dnt you will be higher In do
uir very soon. It may menu dnt you
nm gwlno to climb a persimmon trru,
nnd It muy menu dnt you am gwlne to
bo 'looted to somo ofllce. While you
nm wnltln' to tee which don't work too
hnrd.
"On three different occasions wldln
n year my old womnu bus dreamed dat
she wns n bunch of bananas nnd dut
I wns steppln' for'ils to pick ono off.
On each nnd ebery ocenshuu sho bus
found a nickel on de sldowulk next
day.
"To dream dat you wnndered out In
do ken try nnd found n great big wa
tcrmillyon and took It home mid dut
when you, cpt It do coro was ns red ns
blood nnd when you tasted It It seem
ed fit food fur do nngels don't slgnerfy
good luck onless you furder dream dnt
you got rid of do rinds befor' do jfollce
como around.
"To drenm dat you nm n pullet slt
tln' on de roost uud Tat do hand of n
cull'd mnn nm rcnchln up to grnb
your leg nnd mnko you his slgnerfles
dnt you nm gwlno to win on de next
boss nice. If yoti nm In lub It slgner
fles marriage.
A Clothesllno Dream.
"Ono night two months ngo I dream
ed dnt I was a clothesline nnd dnt de
old woman was hangln' out do Monday
wnshln' on my back. I woko up In n
sweat. I Jest felt dat I was In fur
bad luck, but do worry next day do
grocer weighed mo out threo pounds of
butter fur two, nnd Sir Isnrtc Walpole,
who had owed mo n dollar fur six
months, como nlong nnd paid It
"If nny of you hnvo got do Iden dnt
to dream of countln money Blguerfics
good luck you'd better drop It nt once.
De man next donh to mo dreamed dnt
dream ono night Inst month, aud when
ho woke up In de mnwnln' ho found
dnt do hawgs hnd got in und rooted
up all his tnters.
"To.dreain dnt you see n white boss,
n black cat, n yaler calf nud n spot
ted cow chosln' each odder around n
lot slgnerfles dangor, You mny fnll
off do roof of do houso or do- olo wo
man mny go fur you wld do rolllu'
pin,
"To drenm dnt you am a wheollmr
rer and dat a fat man am wbeolln
yon along do street slgnerfles dat you
will vlult a hMnlVi very sooa, ,You
MS
GARDNER
ii
may go fikr to see your bruddor-ln-invr
or you mny go dnr wld n broken head. '
"Vnydown Ilebed tells mo dnt n fow
nights ngo ho dreamed dat ho was n
load of buy nnd was boln' drawn to
market to bo sold. Ho wanted to ap
peal to do farmer drlvln' not to part
him from his old nssoclashuns, but be
tu bo CuUld do so lie woko up. Ho lay
dnr on his back wondcrln' whnt slch n
dream-slguerflcd when his wlfo got up
nnd would hnvo goiio through his pocU
ets nnd taken cbcry dollar ho had but
fur Beeln dnt his eyes wns open.
"It nm only ten nights since Samuel
Shin dronmed dat ho Wns nn hlrth-
quake, lie wns thivelln' around shak
iu down bulldln's ntul scnrln' folks to
denth when ills landlord pounded on do
donh nud wriruori him to hustle up dat
back rent or Vacate. It was phly
nbout two inlnlts' between de drcmhlh'
nitd do liountllii'. It was only ten
hours nfter do potihdln' dut Snhiuci
wns sot out on do" sldown'lk.
"To drciun dnt you um n one horned
cow looks on do race of It to bo a bud
thing, but It am Jest do contrary. If
you cber droit in dnt dream you nm
shore to 11 ml n wallet wld ns much ns
510 In It, nnd dnr won't bo a soul
around when you pick It up.
"I knowed n man who went to bed
niter fnm'ly prayers" mid di'enmed.dat
be was n smoked lialn hangln' out in
front of n butcher Shop und dnt a tall,
slim cull'd man wns lookln' nt him
wld eyes of lovo mid hffecshun. Ho
tried to cnll out to do butcher to tnko
notlco or he would lose his linni, nnd
In doln so ho woke himself up. no
couldn't sny whnt slch a drenm slgnor
fled, but ho soon found out. Ills
tracks was f ottered from n wood pile,
nud ha got sixty days on de Island.
"I once drenmed dnt 1 was n wind
mill nnd goln' round nnd round, hnd
when I woko up hnd told de old wom
nu sho begun to weep. Sho snld It
meant sudden death wldln n week, litit
sho got left I hnd nu old mewl worth
nbout ?10. A preacher, who didn't
know niitlln 'bout mewls, como nlong
nnd offered mo ?10. Drenm dnt dream
Jest us often ns you I; In.
"If you see do moon ober n red boss
barn take care. Dat means blood nud
plchty or It.
To Hear a Crow Cnwln'.
"If you hoar n crow cnwln' nt mid
night glt tight up nnd light do candle
nnd look under de bed nud sco If your
fivodnwgs um nil deie. De slgii means
n loss of property.
"If de fust pusson you seo on gelt In'
up In de maw'tilii am a cross eyed
milkman go back Into do house und
put butter on your butes. Dnr's trou
ble comln', nnd you wnnt to slip out of
it If you kin.
"If you nm pnssln' n house and n
blnck hen runs out nud begins to crow
nt you bless her heart. Pat's a sign
dnt n legacy nm comln' to you mid dnt
wldln a year you'll pnss dat same
house rldln' in your kerrldge.
"If you nm n young man nnd nm
gwlno nlong do road to see your gnl
and n star fulls nnd n dnwg barks nt
do sumo time, turn right around nnd
go home. Dnt gal am decclvin' you.
She has tooken your gunidrops and
lubbed nnoddcr nt de same "time.
"If do sun sets llery red nnd you seo
It ober your left shoulder nnd nt dn
snmo momont u wlddor woman lcnnln'
on u crutch passes you by be on your
guard fur do ucxFfcw tlays. It may
signify dat do butcher nm on ynur
trull wld nn old bill or dnt u cyclo'io
nm gottln' ready to break loofo.
"If you nm wulkln' In do nlley nt
night to glt do fresh nlr und ruminate
fur awhile nnd you buddeuly think
you smell chicken potplc, glt right out
of dnt on do gallop. It's a sign dnt at
least two whlto men nm wntchln' dnt
coop.
"To hnvo n bull take arter you when
you me mnklu' a short cut across a
field' is it sign dnt things hnvo dawdled
along until (ley hnvo flnnlly reached n
climax and can't Im put off nny long
er. If you icnch de fence nheud of do
bull It nm a sign of Industry on ynur
part nuil mighty poro plnnuln' on his.
If you fnll to, den no finder sign will
be of interest to you in dls world."
M.tQlJAD.
8peaklng of His Relations.
Judgo Whnt uro your relations to
thodefeudunt?
Witness I hopo my rolutlous nro
nothing to him. If (hey were. I'd dis
own nil of them! Yonkcrs Stntesinau.
To Solve the Servant Problem.
Tho combination
Punch.
plnnoln stove.-
Her Power,
fihs couldn't drlvo a nol In straight,
Not cop on a stunt.
Sho couldn't throw u stono a rod
And hit an elephant.
She couldn't saw n board across
And malto ho angle rlcht.
She wouldn't kill a mouse, although
It botheicd her all'nlcht.
She wouldn't iiiIhs n gorslp feast
For anything ou'd pay,
Blio couldn't hear a -turret but
She'd give It all nwayV
She couldn't hold her tongue an hour
Unless slio were usleep.
Sho couldn't bHIp n bargain salo
Wliero everything was cheup,
Sho couldn't do a tot of things
That men can do With cuco,
Sho, couldn't knock a threo baso hit
Or shin up lofty trees,
But the can take a great Uig man,
Knslnve lilm with a thrill
And twl.it him round her Auger and
Remold him to her-wlll. ,
Bomervllle- Journal.
3 O
DOWNRIGHT ABUSE. ' '
. - 4
I've siiro been (failed n lot of things
Since I'vo been fooling round on earth.
They've oven called ma names, b' Jlngs,
That cast reflections on my birth.
Thoy'vo cnllod mo "grafter," "snide" and
"crook"
Tea, they have named me worso than
that.
But liaro comes gotrio man with a book
That calls mo "proletariat 1"
Now, I have lived tho best I eould. '
I've paid my debts when necessary.
I'vo been, I reckon, avcrago eood
For ono so human and contrary.
Uut all nty effort In the Una
Of keeping strnlRht and all of that
Is wasted, ana my eyes run brine
If I'm a "proletariat!"
I don't know whnt the word can mean,
And, tell the truth, I'm scared to learn.
Par as I know I've never seen
A sample and don't enre a durn
If I should, wadto tho brief remains
Of what short tlmo I have at bat
Wltllout oni o- setting through my brains
Tho tun no of "proletariat."
Yet whllo I llvo nnd have my health
I'd have the whole world understand
That, Oioucli I'vo neither tamo nor wealth,
Thcro'n tionu that dares to lift his hand
And swear that I, pnaco loving man
That tries to side stop family spats,
Could o'er be listed with Mm clan
That's InlieM "proletariats."
-Strickland W. aillllan in Judge.
Pleasant Prospect.
A young follow In Pittsburg Intend
ed to nsk Iter father's consent tho oth
er e veiling, but changed his mind. Ho
has decided to wait till tho old gentle
man Is disabled from n fii!l on the Ico
or till something cqunlly propitious
turns up. It happened In this wny:
When he relehcd the house, tho girl
mot him nt the door, pearly tears steal
ing down her fnir checks.
"Oh. George." she whispered, "I atn
bo glnd you have come. Pleuso go into
the library nnd see If you" can en I hi
father; he Is so oxcltcd aud Is raging
nbout, knocking over the furniture nnd
breaking things."
"Certainly." George said briskly.
"Whnt Is the matter with tho old gen
tlemnn?" "I'm suro I don't know," she snld.
"He wns all right, nnd 1 Just begnn to
tell him thnt you wanted (o mnrry
me." Llpplncott'8.
On His Way to Take the Waters.
The first heavier than nlr flying ma
chine. Sketch.
A Wrong Tip.
A well known Chicago merchant wns
onco nsked to tulk to the boys of n
bilslncss school. I To prefaced his nd
dress by n few extempore remarks,
"Boys," said he. "as I approached
the entrance to tills school room I ob
served on tlii panel of tho door a word
most appropriate to nu Institution of
this kind. Thnt one word expresses
tho quality most useful lolho uvcrago
boy when he steps Into the field of
business. Can you tell me whnt it Is?"
"l'ulll" shouted several of tho pu
pils, with u burst of laughter, while
tho horrified merchant recognized that
ho hnd tnken his text from the wrong
Bide of tho door. Philadelphia Ledger.
Revenging Himself on the Profesolon.
"Say," asked the wild eyed man,
limping Into tho chiropodist's ofllce,
"can you euro n bunion?"
"Y'es, sir," answered tho chiropodist
"Cnn you do It In a short time?"
"Y'es, sir."
"Permanently?"
"Suro! Tnko this chair."
"No, thanks," said the caller, whip
ping n notebook out of his pocket nnd
limiting nn entry in It. "I don't wnnt
anything done. I nm merely milking
n collection of monumental liars. 1
have found another one, that's nil.
Good day."
Turning on his heel, ho limped out
Chicago Tribune.
Tim?!y Aid.
"I seo that M on v), lings tins come fof
ward with a half million to help out
In tills llnanclal tumble."
"Yes. But If lie wished to relievo
tho trouble any why did ho wnlt so
long?"
"Weil, you see. lie wanted to be sure
the tide was eoiiiln.x In lief ore casting
bis brond on the v.i'.lers." .Itulge.
Tho Proper Term.
Knox Yon and Dr. Jones are part
ners, ate you not',' i
Dr. Kmitli-Oh, no Wi'.often co'isult
together nnd attend to each other'x pa
lleuts In enfte of ulu'eilco,' but we nro
In no sense partners.
Knox I Beet lie In what might be
termed your nccoiiipllce. Detroit Trlb
uhu.
Gradations of Crjme.
"That cuipUilbh wm followed a ton
or nbout the stage with i wrriiiut foi'
breueli of rniititii't might hnvv prowil;
n tho mini to worse prime,"
I ''1 suppose ynit iiteiin nsxniilt rtni)
buttery?" '
. "NM. But Ih Ills exelli'iumit (he dug'
?r utlght liilvc uttered u rrtb-c iinte."--
Now Yotl; Times.
j 8bvIiio Hor Pelt,
, ",I.ook outl" filed tin friendly whi
rus, "Here coihe- n hunter iifur ynii."
t "I don't give n wrap," chilrtled the
fur bearing spnl, (lsnppin)inB beneath"
the wnyof. Catholic Hfniidurd mid
rimes. "
. BY THE LITTLE ONES."
Amusing Sayings' Out of the Mouths
of Babet.
Mrs. Neighbors It's too bad of you,
Mildred, to worry ymir'innrinnn ho.
Little MItdrod-lluli, you don,'t know
mnminn! She worries mo inore than I
Worry her.
Mother Ilnrold, why did you tnko
your llttlo Bister's cnlidy this hioriilng?
Smnll Harold I don't know, mam
ma. Perhaps I'm n kleptomaniac.
Little Ethel (looking nt picture books)
Klmerr whoro do you s'poso Adam
got the names for all the nulmnls?
Smnll Elmer Why, from tho diction
ary, of course.
Llttlo Irene I found n four IcaVcd
clover today. Thnt, means good luck.
Small Klthcr-'-IIuh, I found n horse
shoe! That means still better luck.
Llttlo Irene How do you knbw?
Smnll Elmer 'Causo I cun sell It for
2 cents.
"Hero Is a plcturo of a thimble,
Emerson," snld tho Boston tenchcr.
"Now, cnn you tell mo whnt n thlmljlo
is?"
"A thimble," answered smnll Emer
son, "is a diminutive truncated cone,
convex on its apex nnd scmipcrforuted
with symmetrical Indentations." Chi
cago Nows.
He Approved That Plan.
It wns said In tho Norton fnmlly
thnt Undo Illruni hnd no car for mu
sic, nu he failed to appreciate tho vocal
efforts of his niece Mnrgnret. But If
his cars wcro dcfcctlvo his pockctbook
left nothing to be .desired.
"Wo'vo been talking over" Murgnrct's
voice," snld n dauntless uud tactful
relative who had been delcgnted to
nppronch Undo Hiram on tho subject
"It renlly scorns ns if 'sho ought to
tnko lessons nnd practice regularly.
Her mother talks of selling a llttlo of
her mining stock for Mnrgnrot's snkc."
Undo Hiram's keen old face wore a
mutinous expression.
"Hnvo to practice two, threo hours" n
day, 1 suppose?" he snld dully.
"Oh, yes," snld tho venturesomo rel-
ntlvc; then sho had u sudden inspira
tion. "It would be best of all If she could
go abroad for two or three years," alio
murmured thoughtfully, "but of course
thnt Is out of the question tho ex
pense" "Novcr you mind nbout tho expense!"
broke In Undo Illrntn Joyfully. "If
sho cnn go abroad a good long wnys
abroad to take her lessons and do her
practicing, I'll foot tho expense"
Youth's Companion.
At the Minstrel Show. '
"Mlstnli Bones," begun tho corpulent
end mnn ns ho twirled his tambourine,
"my old father always told mo to mnko
money like hot enkes nnd tho world
would respect me."
"Hot cakes nm too Blow," yawned
Mr. Bones. "If you wnnts do world
to respect you deso 'days you hab to
mako money Ink bananas."
"Lnk bananas! How am dut?"
"In bunches, Mlstnli Tnnibo,
bunches." Chicago Nows.
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'Tho Butler Wo'vo got n btn'i'tur In
tho kitchen, sir.
The Professor (absently) Ask him
to come again. I'm busy Just now.
Female Ignorance.
"John, thoy don't over sell drcsn
goods in Wall Btreot. do they?"
"Gracious, child, whnt put such nu
nbsurd Idea In your bend?"
"Well, I'm sure I heard you tho oth
ej'.dny talking nbout wash snlos." Bal
timore American.
Not Yet, but Soon.
"You seem to manage roimirknhly
well on your housekeeping money."
"Yes. Tho tradespeople haven't sent
In their bills yet." Now York Press.
Greaser Jose's Place,
You kip bran of city caffoys and their
trout from streams and lakes,
Of their inculB served u In carty and
their mushrooms and their steaks,
But tho grub at Urciincr Joso'n Is tho
finest ovqr dealt.
Come, hombrey, and Jest tuck a bowl of
chile 'nenlh your bolt)
The music's kind o' aklmplu'i and It don't
gd very fur:
It's dealt nut by a half breed and it mlchty
bad miltur.
Dut old Joio Is a winner when It comes
to mlxln' dope,
And the llrnt smell of his chile 'd give ft
0 j In' hosa thief hope
There Is somnthncs rough htiluts doln'
nnd n'ratis soma nowder burnt.
For tlio men who eat at Josa's all the
p'lltcst ways ain't learnt,
Hut Rood food la like to most things that
mo scarce and hnrd to get
It's worth some risk fn trallln' and a-mnk.
In1 yotirs, you' bet!
So Jest contn with me to Jose's, where
there ain't no monu stunt,
Where tlio tnoieoiotiis is minus and a
napkln's'an affront,
And you'll get a bowl of cm a that'll warm
yoti through and through,
Ho oome, with me to Jdso'a, yoi) tonderfooi
yea, youi ,
uenver Kesumican.
In the Clouds.
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A VEST FOR
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PRETTY BIT OF CROCHKT WORK
FOR THE BABY.
Directions for Making a Warm Wfttl
Garment That Will Be Both
Pretty and Servlceatle. "
Ono m while Shotland wobl, and A
rather thick bono ho'ok about No. 8
or 10.
Work u chnln of 46 BtltdlloB, tlirh
nnd work it tloublo crochet into oach
stitch, turn, G chain, pnss tho-hook
through tho two nearest threads ,of
the hint mndo doublo crochet, thai Is,
tho curvpd thread and tho front or
nearest top thread, draw tho wool
through both loops at onco, nnd finish
llko ordinary double crochot; repeat
Crochet Vcct for Infant.
Into each of tl'.o nti.er doublo crochets
to end of row, turn! no chain, tnko up
the two nearest threads df the last
mndo doublo crochet and proceed aB
boforo to end pf row, turn S chain,
nnd repeat from , workfng'to and fio
for 12 rows, thnt Is until (here arc 12
loops at Jtlio lower edge, then add 6
chains at'thc top of tho row, turn, nnd
work back us heforo; work G rows of
the GO slltchos Ih tho next, leave
IS ntltchcB unworl. d nt tho top (for
sleovc), work 19 clmln, turn, and pro
ceed as usuil for G rows more, then
loavo G stltthcu uuworked nt tho' top,
ind woik 12 more rows, increase for
tho second .Bhoult! v nnd work llko
thb first, leaving nponln! for sleovo
between the fifth nn 1 sixth long row,
against decrcasn nnd wcik r.nothcr 1Z
row3 for the other front; join tho
ahnuldor-ploccs with single crochet.
Kor the sleeves: Commence tit Xhe
unAcrpnrt nnd work tho snmo stitch
us before nil round tho oponjng, ,
catch tho Inst stitch to tlio first, trim,
and work back agnln. Repeat from
for your rows, counting forwardo nnd
hackwnrds as 1 row. rJccfeafVo each
3f the first 3 rows by parsing 'ovor 1
stitch nt tho Join; for thodgd of "tho
sleovc, work a doublo crochet Into
tho first stitch, G chain1' Into namo
stitch, pass 1, a double 'crelchet, 5
chain nud another double crochot In
tho next, and repeat nil J round the
jicqvo. Work nil round rinftop and
along both siucn of the opening In the
snmo wny ns round the sleeves.
Helen Grays.
FOR THE HOU,8EWIFP
A cloth dlppod In ntrong cldor vino
;nr will clean mica.
OrdlnriVy fine salt Rhould.bc kopt on
overy kltclicn wnshstmid slpcp It la
-iplctulid In donning status from the
hands.
Cheesecloth "towels" for ailvor nnd
'jlnsRwuro will bo found moro dcslra
bio thnn cinoh, as thoy nro free from
ilnt. ' v
Kcmcmhor that salt raises tho tem
perature- of boiling wntor, thoreby
making vegetables cook moro quickly
when It Is used. .
Sorvlcoablo yot handsome- towols
nro mado of huckaback with ono or
two Insets of hoavy torchon 'lace
above Die hnmstltchod two-inch hem,.
Shooniu tors "sprigs," a varioty of
hcudlcsi lacks, Bhould bo used to fas
ton down linoleum. They hold firmly
yet nri liv!:lblo nnd do not damage
the lr,P!"iiri,
A nnfn po for tho bunging of pic-tlii-eo
In to havo tho middle of tho pic
turn on u lovel with ono'B oyes un
leiiri ono l;i unuminlly tall; then It Is
hotter to havo It rather low.
A pair of shnrp scissors Is, a kitch
en convonlonco deslrnblo In every
liouseholil. For. trimming bacon and
Imm und trimming snlndd, sclssora aro
Vovy sorviconblo implemhnts.
' Stocking Modes.
Thoro Is a clodded chango In atock
lugs this year In that tho plain mesh
lias taken prcemlnouco over the lacy
jponwork. s
Those plain stockings of silk or
Mircnd nro of tho gnuzloBt And finest
toxturo nnd nro moro often thnn not
inlto plain. Still thoro nro some beau
tiful embroldorod designs, profornbly
In dfillcnto flower patterns In con
.ranting colurs or in largq flat spots,
the exact color of tho stocking. '
Stockings Bhould match tho shoes
is far as pnsslblp, but u rathor pret
y fancy Is thp wearing of bright laplB
nlill iii-o silk iitorHlngR with black
jilmps an mi ncconipnnlmimt of tlio
tnttiinr" ndlored Blk and linen gowns.
Hard Water Bad for Skin.
When removing tan the quality of
wutcr ono uses fdr hiilhlng has much
i'o (to with tho fikln, and hard wator is
locliled'l' Injurious. It there Is tho
lUsiitc&t tnudency to that keep on tliQ
A'aallstaiul a box filled with equal
itlafitltloa of powdered orris root nhtt
jlcnrbctute of soda. Put enough of"
.his In tho wator to glvo a ollght per
'lima nnd you will huvo a delightful
.utile, This muy bo used aii often its
viCKlrod,
Soutachp on All Sorts.
Soulucho trims d.11 iqvtS of gowns
Yrdirt cloth to gnlizo., vOn. a gray 'slllt
nusltn gown tho wldo hem pf jhd
iklrt is olaborato with vermicellis of
(lie flue jnhld In tho self tone, The
Jiiimiiuntutlon Is ropi'ttteil on the life',
leliini and kluionu gletva. "
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