ivAvi xAFWf- fyt$$ yccv! -oxflhnum
PA(E SEVEN '
- (jthli -
ffgE MARION DAILY MIRROR, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1911.
Tells His Wife Why Ho Buys
Fl&ur by the Sack.
HE DELVES INTO PHILOSOPHY
Many Reasons Actuate Him In Refus
ing to Havo n Barrel of Flour In tho
House, the Principal One Bcino That
It Cost Him His First Wifo One
Dy M. QUAD.
(Copyright, 1511. by Associated Literary
MR. AND MRS. PERKINS Bat
by tlielr evening fireside, ncd
nil wiih coutcnt, when Mrs.
rerkliiH suddenly observed:
I "I declare 1 must bo Betting forget
ful. I in cunt to liuve told you this aft
ernoon tbnt tho flour wns out."
"1 will order n hiicU tomorrow," re
plied Mr. TcrklnM without Interest.
Mrs. Perkins said no tnoro 'for flvo
minutes, but slio had something on her
ulnd. She hitched around In her chair,
glanced nbout the room and Dually re
"Wo have been married about flvo
"Four yeans, cloven months and twon-ty-ono
days," replied Mr. Perkins aft
er consulting his memorandum book
"And the first Hour you Iwught nfter
wo started keeping house was a twon-ty-flvo
"I remember as well as If It bap
pened only yesterday."
"You came up tho street lugging It
on your shoulder."
"I nsked you why you didn't buy
flour by tho barrel and havo It sent up,
and you said you would."
Flour In Small' Sacks.
"But you 'jnve nctcr done It. At In
tervals you have cumu lugging another
sack. Kvery one around hero knows
i mtiNciiNa noitir this rr.ouu.
that we get Hour twenty-live pounds at
-ntlme. It hiis always been painful and
embarrassing to nit Is tlieie any tea
son why you don't buy a barrel at it
time, us most other tolfts da''
"Mrs. P., Iieie Is shilling to he talk
ed over and fully muilycd jind ox
plained, and I hope tn Ihul yini con
siderate. When a titan buys (lour bj
tho sack Instead or the li.it i el ln must
havo an object In lew Then iiiiim
be a strong motive behind It Ho must
bo guided by some sort of philosophy
lustead of a mere whim."
"Oh, It you are going to lug In phi
losophy I don't want to hear nny
more," said the wife. "You'll always
bring In what you call philosophy to
help you wriggle out of thing."
How First Wifo Wcs tost.
"But I have explanations and Insist
they be heard It Is duo to inc as a
husband and prolder. Ynu me Mis
Perkins No. '. Mrs I'eiMns No 1, as
you have been told, met her death
by accident. She was limping across
tho 3treet when a car t.trurl: her Had
slio. uot been limping she could havo
got out or the way Why was she
limping?. Because, ( my dear Mrs. P..
she tiutf broken n jib white bending
over tho. tlour'fwirrcl to s-ciape the bot
tom. This whole question stnrts right
"But becauso she bent over the flour
"You would do tho same. No use to
dlsputo facts. You might bond over
tho flour banol fifty times and not
break n rib, but thero would be a fifty
first time. Unvlng lost No. 1 that
way, do I wish to loso No. 2?"
"That's all bosh!" exclaimed Mrs,
Pcrklus, with heightened color, "and
Jf we can't talk without your dragging
in tho fuct that you were a widower
when I married vou then we won't talk
and McCall Patterns
Havo More Friends than: any other
tnajjaslno or patterns. McCalPs is Iho
reliable Fashion Guide monthly in
ono million ouo hundred thousand
homes. Besides Dhowlng all tho latest
designs of McCall Patterns, each issuo
is brimful of sparkling short stories
and helpful information for women.
Save Money anil Keep In Style by iiliscrHilnR
fur McCall' Magailno at iiutc. Cans only 50
cents a nr, Including any or.ee! the ccleuMUd
McCall V.Meri free.
McCall Pattern! Lead all olherj In slyte. lit,
simplicity, cn)ioniy and nunusr to'd. More
dealers till MeCalf I'ltterns linn any nlhsr to
makes combined, None higher tbau ijcenu. Jluy
(rum your dealer, or by mall from
23G-24C W. 37th St., Now York City
N-ayii(44 Cpyt tiia'm tsuUu 4 .Utrt wuiof frn,
Reasons Given Seriatim '
'Thai. Is, wo will confine oursotf to
tho flour question. You are asking
why 1 haven't bought It by (ho barrel
Instead of the sack I will answer!
"Firstly, you might havo broken a
"Secondly, tho wife who dives Into a
flour barrel naturally uses more than
tho ono who dives Into n sack-a ques
tion of domestic economy, you see.
"Thirdly, in buying by tho barrel you
have to pay for tho barrel, which Is no
good to you. "
"Foutthly, the neighbors can't toll In
this ago of deception whether the bar
rel contains sawdust or flour, so noth
ing is gained In tho way of prestige.
"Fifthly, In case tho house burns up
ou losn n barrel lustead of a sack.
"Slxthlj. uilco will get into a barrel
There- they won't get into n sack, and
tho same with bugs.
"Oh. let it all go!" said Mrs. Perkins
ns sho turned her head nwny In de
spair. Must Defend Himself.
"But wo can't, my dear." he nn
oworcd. "I have been charged with tho
heinous offense of buying 'Hour by tho
sack instead of the barrel. You are tho
jury to hear the case. 1 must go on:
"Seventhly, now and then I borrow
a dollar or so of a neighbor to help mo
out of a pinch. I don't nlwuys pay it
hack with promptness and dispatch.
If ho sees a twenty-llvo pound sack of
flour como hero he knows I nm still
hard up. If he sees a barrel of flour
be will wait on tho comer to dun me.
thinking 1 nm on Hnsy street again.
You cannot fail to sec that thero Is a
business point to It.
"Eighthly, thero Is a vast difference
In going Into a grocery and ordorlug a
barrel of flour and a small sack. When
your credit is a little slinky and you
ray barrel tho grocer gets u Jar. When
you say sack ho takes chances."
"And I'vo married u man who can't
pay for it barrel of Hour!" exclaimed
Capitalists In Straits.
"Not at all. my dear. You havo mar
ried a man whoso capital Is some
times temporarily tied up. Thero aro
times when Mr. Iloekofeller has to run
his face for a bunch of shingles to
repair tho roof of tho smokehouse.
Capital comes and goes, you under
stand. Some days a capitalist has
millions at his command; ngaln ho has
to boat the street car. I will now
"Ninthly, between the time yon buy
a twenty-live pound sack of flour and
use it up there can bo no great ad
vance or decllno In the price, hut when
you buy a whole barrel you may find
yourself as much ns n dollar tho loser.
A dollar isn't much to lose at one time,
but suppose wo go on and buy a thou
sand barrels of Hour and lose each
"And you call this philosophy!" said
Mrs. Perkins ns sho rose up.
Ono Reason Is Wasted.
"Tho jury will pleaso keep nu'ot,"
1to answered. "I am on trial and mak
ing my defense. As I was about to
"Tenthly. flour kept In n barrel Is
bound to deteriorate. It must lose
more or less of Its nutritive qualities.
If fishbones, crumbs and soup bones,
tack hummers, nails, broken glnss
and other things aro spilled Into It
It becomes a source of danger. Mrs.
Perkins, suppose I am eating a hot
-biscuit sptead with clover honey
such a thing Is uot likely tn happen,
but suppose It does and I swallow n
can opener that was dropped Into tho
flour barrel What Is the can opener
going to do with me? What effect Is
It going to have on my system? Sup
pose it Is a tack hammer Instead.
Suppo.so It la your back comb. Don't
answer mo impetuously uud wlthuttt
duo thought, but take half an hour o
think over It. When yuu havo an
swered wo will take up eleventhly."
"Then I'll never ausHcr!" exclaimed
Mrs. P. as she flounced out nftherooin.
"Gone!" sighed Mr Perkins ns 'he
looked uftcr her. "Oone, uud sho will
never kuow that
"Klovouthly, I must rcduco the sacks
to ten pounds after this, owing to my '
capital being tied up in codllsh!"
Tho Sympathetic Burglar.
"I woko up suddenly tho ottmr night
nnd thought 1 henrd it burglar In the
room. I sat up In bed, and that awoke
"What did sho do?"
"Sho accused me, ns usual, of hav
ing a burglar bug, Said I'd never hear
n real burglar If I lived a thousand
years. I said I'd bet 1 would. Sho said
she'd bet 1 wouldn't. And just then a
shadowy form ruse from behind tho
dresser and a hotirso volco exclaimed,
'Ho wins, nia'aml'"
"Did you catch him?"
"Catch him! I didn't try. I just laid
there and laughed and heard him slam
tho door and run down the street. And
say, my wifo was so mad she didn't
speak to mo for a whole day. Hut I'll
bet ono thing."
"What Is It?"
"I'll bet that burglnr was a marrlpd
man."-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
t ' May Lose His Job.
It Is to bo hoped that tho boy ?
X emperor of China will ho taught $'
y somo good trade If this liisur- y
!2 gcucy keeps up he may bo scan- $
T nlng tfie "Help Wanted" udver-
tlxenu'tits. Denver llepubllcaii, q,
WhaVs the Use?
"George." she askeil, "If we wore
both young ami single again would ynu
want nm 10 he your wife?"
"Now, ipy dear," he nhsoiitmludcdlj
replied, "what's the uxe tr.lni; install
a quarrel Just as we h.m n'ttlcd dona
to tilnv n unlet cciilng':"-Jltlint;o
Record I lent Id.
MY WORD! LADY-DECIES IS HOME AGAIN
AND SHE'S GOT A R EAL ENGLISH ACCENT
': , j
7 w?t .- -
, jrW ' if
lmmiM- iw. fm
- - " sS&
Lord and Lady
rUTURE EMPEROR AND BRipE,
Marriage of Archduke Karl Franz Josaf
a Gsnulno Lovo Match.
Special Interest attaches to the ro
cent wedding of Arehduko Karl Pr.tn.
Josef of A ml tin and Princes i itn or
Parma, as the bridegroom will In the
ordinary course of events souto tla
become emperor-klng of Austrla-llun
gary. Ho Is the elder son of the late
Archduke Of to and great-nephew of
Hmperor Francis Joseph, llo Is also
nephew of tho Arehduko Franz Feidl
naud, heir presumptive to the throne.
As tho latter made a morganatic mar
rlngo Willi tho Princess Iloheuberg
nnd renounced all lights of succession
on her behalf and of any children of
tho union, the Archduke Karl Fran?.
Josef Is next In lino of suceos-don.
Princess Ztta Is tho thirteenth child
of the late Duke Robert of Parma and
his second wife. Marie Autonla, in hi
austma's ruruni: hiirr.iton a:;i Kit-
cess of Portugal. She was born Mn
0, 181)'-'. and has twenty-three brut Iters
and sisters. She Is a roninikahly
handsome hiuitetle. The marriage Is
said to be n genuine love match.
The archduke Is twenty-four, live
years oMor than his bride. Couit gos
sip had found him half a dozen brides
before, and at one time It was gener
ally believed that lie would marry the
Princess Victoria, only daughter of the
German emperor. Another llkoly bride
was thought to he tho Aichdueiicss
i:ilzabelh, eldest daughter of the Aich
duchess Maile Valerie, the emperor".-,
Emperor Francis Joseph was thp
principal visitor at tho wedding, which
wns attended nlso by Frederick Au
gust III., king of Saxony, uud u large
number of archdukes nnd arcttdiich
esses and princes nnd prlueessos, most
ly relatives of the bridal couple.
Tho popo scut a special envoy, who
cairied a mngnlllcout wedding present
a holy plcltue In a magnificent gold
frame decorated with tho papal arms
nnd those of the bride nnd giuom.
Emperor Francis Joseph gave the
brldo it diamond cotouct arranged In
flvo tlets, each of which cap he taken
off nnd worn as a separnto ornament.
It Is surmounted with unusually Hue
brilliants and cost something more than
I.lttlo Nephew Amide, did yon mar
ry an Indian?
Auct-Why do you ask such silly
Little Nephew Well, 1 saw Bqinc
scalps on your dressing table,
How to Remove Ink Stalno.
Ono of the bot ways tu remove Ink
stains and somewhat similar to the
often ot!looiit lemon and salt; method
Is to dampen the httalus with hot wa
ter and rub then with all the cream
yf tnrtpc they wi'l hold .eave thH
for ten minutes then hold (he Htalued
part under a Mreiiu of boiling watei
and repeate the process twice; then
lay the article v. here the hottest sun
i,hno will fall on the wet spots for live
or gjx hours. If the stains are not re
moved entirely Mink them overnight In
clear water and tcpeat tho process
Distinguished Scientist Who Was
Awarded Nobel Pnzo For Chomislry.
Mine. Curie, the chief professor of
science? In the Inlvetslty of Paris,
who has l)ce.n a winded the Nobel prize
for chemistry. V-IO.WiO. is the foremost
sr-loutlst In Franco, pethaps In the
world, nnd of course the greatest au
thority on radium and radio-activity.
She and her husband, the late Pro
fessor Pierre Curie, in collaboration
discovered radium after toiling ami
expei ltnentlng thiottgh .tours of pover
ty and depression In 100.'! half of
the Nobel prize for physics. $10,000.
like tho other forr ptUes which tho In
ventor of dytnmlte founded, wns
swarded to the Curies The other half
f.'cut to Ptufc- jr Antolne Hum 1 Ileo-
Mine Curie w.ta IhMlrst woman to
he so houoicl No'wAdio Is further
tllstlnguW ! I", hi'ultrlng the whole
prlre for n-i s u'liloh Is to say Cut
xho stands al n-e In that realm of til
ece Keet "v It wnj itnnounced thai
h hhil niece dul InSItftilatliig polottl
tm. it i-ew eleti t IjgEri"'11- " isdlo
activity mipermr to lyy-iim.
The Nobel p"'e tAjivardi'd In the
face of the ni u- !
H Academy of
Frame to e t Mil
pile to a va
caney in the n nUim
science ubmit a ) 'jurjiuro.
Bncnn-And nm JW llshlng Is a
Iteallhy exeriNe' .
"Wlieie due- Hie qgrnjUfii, come In?"
"Digging i ie rurniK.'' - Vottkers
A New CnalanUINIgh.
'Twns clenr. Ihf lK rommmfonii shone out
Stars dot io i cjvi'n'ffjStaln.
iMt noon It cIou'ImI UsjmtflriB llnnliecl,
' ' '' 5?SCi'
Anil then doa t "neaimTraln
t-lnui n M.tl.S CliarrL I. II.,
Tin? Hupeiiluo'.s JnleWfrotii a J.ir of
PVosnrved ili-uiei ctiMie nid with
gelatin for dc it Tiyf"VV I1'"1 "'
tho Juice add half (ffiBtiJ lot water
in which en "i-'i -t'hmffj.H been ills
solved n Htliici the IpfiBL Tin ptxper
ati'ount viiri-'s uh liiuSufluiis nnles
of golatln, in i i ''iilufiTllike Ins di-
recllons on He pai'Jmffliiis tn the
atpount tieeihd Hi reffinftjH i'- ll'' "
Lin 1 I,.. . i ,. ,i . iiinm-ffll:..' . i...
,. . irui .' i"
half ii pint of ' 'lie!
tl'il Jelly wlii n i -id
ot( ce. 1 1 '
it Is deJHlui
M x.l'h ""
& if mm
" 4WILBUR P. NESB1T
r ' i ' i hi m i
Aw, what's ttir- usn o' havln' school
When It's wnrm wt-ntlier out o' itcors?
You koI to mind ill' tonclicr'R rulo
An walk real quiet on th' floors
When nqniRtliln' Innlite'a tollln' you
You ought to yell nn Jump nn' run.
They try to Mint all tliey can do
To stop a fellow's bavin' fun I
Tli' teacher's Rot th windows up
I wish I was oat on th' bill
Vlicro Fatty Jolmson's brlndlo pup
Is cliaRln' 'round Junt flt to kill.
Huh! Ses that blnl lly In nn out
It never oven stopped to look.
You liet It know what twaB about
An' didn't wnnt to noso n book!
'Way over yonder where th' trees
Shake nit their leaves like Aimers there
Is Where's n nest o' bumble bees.
An' after while I'll net my slinro
O' honey from It. Me nn' Loss
An' Mutt nn' Hull and Clilcheafcct
Will lob tlmt honey; It's Ilka eggs
An' Isn't very good to eat.
I got my flshpolo down last night
I'll bt If I could llth today
'Mott every throw I'd get a blto
An' catch n big mens, anyway.
Hut ma nn' pn nny "No, Indeed!"
I got to nit here, tlrcU nn' bent,
An' utiidy how to wrlto nn' read
An' grow up to ba president!
Huh! All tho-io great men In our books
They never went to ecliool at all!
Just studied In th' chlmbloy nooks
When ciops vnn laid by In th" fall.
Now tcnehor shakes her lioad ut mo
An' says: "Ono boy's npilcop, I fear."
Iluhl Hot n nickel now tlmt she
Is Wlshln' that t.ho wasn't here!
Ploasantry In the Pyramids.
"This," onid tho guldo to the tour
ists who wcro going through tho pyra
mids, "Is tho mummy or Pharaoh's
mother, and HiIb ono in tho corner Is
that of her mother."
"Ah, yes," Enid tho wit or tho party,
"It Is Pharaoh's grand-mummy."
Put tho guide assumed a pained ex
pression and began reading tho hiero
glyphics. On His Hands.
"This feller must bo crazy," ro
mntked Mr. Meddcrgrnss, who was
rcrdlug tho ndvortlscmonto In tho
paper. "Ho says: Wo find that wo
havo two hundred pairs of shoes on
our hands, and must dlsposo of them
nt once.' I sh'd think he'd fctjl thnt
way If ho only had ouo pair on his
Still With Us.
"It Is a doling Innovation," said tho
"I am afraid," ho continued, "thnt
wo cannot try It. You see, thbro aro i
certain tlntc-honorod twulltlons of tho i
stngo which cannot ho disregarded,"!
And tho stago manngcr, who had
proposed to abandon tho snltzor-bot-
tie stylo of comedy, lellied ci estf alien
Johnny Say, paw, Sattuii has eight
moons, hasn't It?
Johnny Woll, paw?
Paw What, my ton?
Tnhnnv,V'lmn 11 tu ilnrlr nt Hin
"l .'' '.' "" .-. ..... I
moon in Bntttiu is it cigiit limes ns
dark ns it la horo?
She Encouraged Him.
"A womnn Is always as old as sho
looks," said tho timid jotiug man, who
doalred to bo dlgnltlcdly frivolous In
his conversation with tho Huston
"Put fcho ls never as cold as sho
looks," was tho coy rojolndor,
And thoy lived happily over after.
"Ilooa aro very Intelligent," com-j
mentod the Great Scientist. "Wo hnvo
1 onion tn bollovo they can count as
high as ten,"
"Yob, Indeed," nddod the Common ,
roienn, ana i nave uiicu iiearu 01 mo
"Now," said tho doctor, "If you wish
to escape u rotuin of the grip, you
must tnko ovory precaution to avoid
gottlng your foot wet."
"All tlfiht, doctor," bald the grate
ful patient. "Shall I wear rubber
shoes when I take a bath?"
Phosphate lands In "Warning and
rtnh aro sala to bo tho rb h- t " the
. .. ...i. ..... ., iM-iS-iiiu.'m
MONDAY. TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY
4 Harmony Singing Girls 4
" " ' iMWwriwtwwwMwwlwi ii lmmmummmummtmwmmmmtmmmmmmmmimmmt
Fred and Mae Waddell
I Take the Children
roit sua: op. traihi.
If yet want lo Sell or Trade nny
thinp;, n vant m.' ii this ;npei ;",, jli;
otli-r3 n lndt'ii.t I'lini'l3 'ml Vh.o tf
find , oi i nirty. Itwil cnWro.t jk
acaw, i. v.c.0 1, mi in-.
Who Was There That You Knew?
TTN the shadowy ranks of thoso who marched to defeat or death or victory fifty
I yvars K ""J nngaiy coruiti mat convulsed nils great nation, )9 thero
father or grandfather or uncle of yours? Would you like to see a photograph
of Win In that long ago day of his youth a photograph that he nccr knew was
taken? Perhaps we can show you one; and In any case, we can tell you a
story, stranger than any detective faction of 3,500 priceless photographs that
wcro lost and are found again.
3,500 Long Buried Photographs
or trie iivn war
TIU'.Y tvere Ul.cn by the crealeit photoeraplitr In the
United States of that dar'ythty were bought by the
United States Government (or 530.000; they were burled
In tho War Department for SO ears they are buried there
s: M. Hut a duplicate set was kept by the photocraphei who
died poor and broken down) that dupllcata set uas knocked
from pillar to post for nearly 50 tears, until it was discovered
ba N'ew l'.nclsnd collector. J. Pierpont Morcan tried to
secure flio collection E-rres!dent Garfield and General
Benamln T. Ilutlcr said It was worth 150.000 yet with
tha help of the Kuvirw op Kturws.'tho entire collection
lias been cathered Into 10 creat volumes ard Is placed within
your reach nt less than tho value of one of the photographs,
It Is tho ono accurate. Impartial history of the Civil War
for tho camera cannot lie It tells the story of the War you
never hea.d before Taken under protection of the Secret
Service, thess photographs bring to lleht thousands of little
known phases of the wart they penetrate to strange places and
rcco"t i ti ange things.
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