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6 D Saturday, Nov. 29, 1913 &5Mt If CLE ASHDP a zy Buffer W5 yWb$ Parfo Old Sailor Discusses a Flexible Currency Sim Perkins Seeks an Explanation For the New Currency ..Bill and Hears ABout the Reappearance and Sad End of the . Whale Who Swallowed Jonah. 66 (Copyright, 1913, by The McCIure Newspaper Syndicate.) O, firit off, we tried dried as- Iktr new mnnov hin mii etm pr. h;o..4 ,,,. ..u i.... m... n - -w j ...... uuu MBim ...- u.CF.U.1.3 JVU .VUtU I.HO. W UJ1 1I(W LUCJT pies," said Uncle Ashdod. I wasn't taUcin' about dried apples," said Sim Perkins. 'I was' talkin' to you about this here now cur rency bill. I can't make head nor tail cuten.it I don't see why " "And the reason waaf said Uncle Ashdod as Sim had not spoken, "that there was five hogsheads of dried ap ples on board the Sally Ann that trip. And them dried apples made purty good currency at that. If you didn't want to spend 'em you eouUj chaw 'em. Only trouble was that the secretary of the treasury didn't have no right control ever if kins. "That's what I ast you to do." "I ain't sayin' but what it ws3 keer less of me to start out on a voyage without money to pay the hands," said Uncle Ashdod, "but I done 'it, and i'll take the blame. Oo ahead and blame, if you want to. I don't care. So I says, 'Fellers an' sailormen all," I says, 'on an' after this date drie'd apples is goin' to be currency on this here ship,' I says, 'and the rates of pay is a bushel a month to the capting which Is me and a peck a month to the first mate and the second mate, and a Quart a was rtfbber. Some of the things she cooKea you couia cut, and some you couldn't cut, and some you couldn't chisel off with a " "Them - old greenbacks was good enough for me," said Sim Perkins. "Some you couldn't chisel off with a cold chisel," said Uncle. Ashdod, "so we made her secretary of the treasury, and she done good. When money was skeerce she used to take a spinklin can " "What for?" asked Sim Perkins. "For to expand the currency," said Uncle Ashdod. " 'Money's skeerce. shs'd monm to everyooay eise. inciuaintr Mrs. i ;.. 'J JiTTj ..,7 .. r: .. ".'" Gradv. -Sh was th mnk . h wa I ??: sne a a"" tne oia un spnnk- "What I ast you was to explain this ' a mighty fine cook. She could cook I iVSi58 a,nd ,stut. and sPriIke them ' dried apples in the treasury, and they d sweii ngnit up. jjriea apples make one , of the flexibllest currencies there is. make a peck outen a quart an' all you need is a sprinklin' can an some wa ter. So when money' got easy again she'd fetch -the treasury reserve in by the galley stove an' shrink It down again. She was some flnanceer, she was. Kep' the interest rate right at G percent all the time. Only trouble was that the fellers used to loaf around the treasury andichaw up the currency between meals. Couldn't blame 'em. Only thing aboard they could eat. So we hitched the old whale on behind the Sally Ann" "What whaler asked Sim Perkins. "Jonah's," said Uncle Ashdod. "The steersman that voyage was an old Rus sian by the name of Gobbleacowsky and he was a livin image or Jonah and the whale didn't know but what he was Jonah. First we noticed of that whale was how it follered us. lookin un sort of coaxin at Gobbleakowsky like it was sayin' 'Oh, Ux. Jonah, ain't you comln' aboard soon again?" We tried throwin' the secretary of the treasury's biscuits at the old whale, but they only dented It, they didn't drive it away. So when I noticed the white spot on the side of xne wnaie l got the old teJebcope and seen the white spot was a piece of paper" "Bank note. I reckon," said Sim Per kins, sarcastically. "Plain note." said Uncle Ashdod. "Plain note, writ in a sort of anteek handwritin' and what it said was 'Gone out to lunch. Back in half un hour. Jonah.' So we knowed it was Jonah's whale and that? it had been hangin' round since the time of Jeroboam Num ber Two, waitin' for Jonah to come back from lunch. 'Well,' I says, I reckon Jonah ain't comin' back from lunch," I says, and we might as well take down that sign and put up 'Apart ment To Let' and get the rent money." o jars, uraay sne nirea the whale oir of me for to be tne First National Bank of the South Atlantic Ocean. No sec retary of the treasury ain't happy with out she's got a national bank or two to put the -dried apple reserve in. So she depis'ted three hogsheads of dried apples in the First National Bank. We had to take the trunk out first" "Whales don't have trunks. Ele phants has 'em," said Sim Perkins. "It was Jonah's trunk," said Uncle Ashdod, "and we give the clothes that was in it to Cobbleacowsky, because they fit him and then he looked more like Jcnah than ever. Tou didn't ever ser a whale weep, did you?" "No," said Sim Perkins grurfly. "No, sir." said Uncle Ashdod. "Be cause a whale don't weep so you can notice I:. A whale always tries to restrain- its feelin's an' keep folks from seein its emotions. That's why it weeps T . " fill 9i i- . -C mm frm -jjfgCV" jJ" ' - -. - 8 MeHey's skeever," she'd say an' she'd take the old tin sprinklin' can. 'nrt4jf:'s ; v-f & &' -"" n-r ".. , . rmunn f 'a. Wuuie iht cier cruised lu.' South Ytiauuc,- Tfa-VT X -. -, .1 J . . .. ..c oiuu mc ursi un rooted irst .Uujai i n, inwardly and not outwardly. So when it exploded " "That currency system?" asked Sim Perkins. "That old whale of a National Bank," said Uncle Ashdod. "It wept so much inward weep because Gobbleacowsky wouldn't come aboard it that the tears swelled the dried apples and swelled 'em and swelled 'em until the reserve fund puffed the old First National out like a balloon. 'Got to contract the cur rency," says Mrs. Grady, 'or the First National is goin" to bust higher'n a kite!" but before we could get the old whale aboard and alongside the galley to dry out he busted. Yup! He went off with- a bang like a cannon. Blew the wSole roof offn him." "Ho, hum!" said Sim Perkins, stretch ing his arms and pretending to yawn. "Panic! .that's what happened," said Uncle Ashdod. "All them sailor men that had put dried apples onto deposit in the old First national whale started to draw out, and some of our finan ceers was waterin' their dried apples and some was drym' them in the oven. and nobody knowed nothin nohow. That was a turrible day for the secre tary of the treasury. She shoveled dried apples into the money market with the coal shovel until the aft deck was knee deep in as good dried apple currency as ever was. and still the interest rate went up. It went up to seven million eight hundred and sixty-four thousand nine hundred and fifty one and a half percent. So the snip's carpenter, who was national bank examiner, closed the First National Bank." "He did, did he?" said Sim Perkins scornfully. "I don't .care a ding what he did." "He closed it," continued Uncle Ash dod, "because it was leakln' water at the roof. He closed It with a tarpaulin first, an' then he soldered a piece of tin roof on, and we was mighty proud of the iob. We had the first tin roofed First National Bank Whale that ever crossed the South Atlantic. I dunno f but we had the first tin roofed nation- la bank whale that ever cruised any Atlantic Might be some shingle roofed First National Bank whales crusin in the North Atlantic, or the east Atlantic or the west Atlantic, but I never heard of a slate roofed whale, or a tile roofed whale cruxsin anywhere. Slate roof would make a whale top heavy, and a feller would have to rig up a lead keel, and then the whale would set too deep in the water, and a First National Bank that sets plumb under water " "If any man asked me about the currency business to him, and I told kins meaningly- Sf he asked me as polite as you please to explain the currency business to him. and I tola him about a tin-roofed whale, I'd I'd I wouldn't know what to do!" "And we didn't neither," said Uncle Ashdod cheerfully. "Seemed like dried apples was purty near bein' ideel cur rency, and seemed 'like they wasn't wuth a cuss for currency. Seemed like a currency that would expand and contract like them dried apples did was what th aggycultural dis- j tricts needed, but " "Aggycultural districts!" snorted ' The Wretchedness of Constipation Ca qmctly be overcome bj CARTER'S LITTLE LIVER PILLS. Purelv vemiaMa act lurdy end gently on the urer. Cur Biliousness, Head- ache. Uizzi ces, and Indigesoba. Tee do their duty. Small PiH. Small Dote, Small Price. Genuine mn.tbe Signature tin roofed whale, but if you're goin' Sim Perkins. "Tnougni you was on a ship, t don't mind hearin" about a to run a farm on the ship " "We was all sea farmers. We plowed the sea," said Uncle Ashdod. "But it didn't seem like a currency that would blow up a bank that way was just right neither. When you got a currency that'3 goin' to swell up an' make a panic every time a Jinged old whale gets the blues and starts to blubber, you got to do something." "Hire a cider press from some old loan shark that comes swimmin' by just then, maybe," said Sim Perkins scornfully. "An" squeeze them ap ples." "You got to do something," said Uncle Ashdod, paying no attention to ; Sim Perkins s remark. "That s what all of ns said. You got to have a cur rency reform when times like them comes. So a gang of them sea law yers got together and brung in the apple-sass currency plan, but it didn't look good. If you feed a lot of apple-sass currency to a hungry old whale of a bank you can't never tell i what'll happen. Maybe you'll get your apple-sass back and mayoe you won c ilaybe you'll only fatten your old whale of a bank so fat he'll be a dinged old nuisance. 'What us fel lers want,' I say, "is a currency that's dried apple and that ain't dried ap ple. We want a currency that's flex ible but that won't swell up and burst the old First National whale. If we can get ahold of an unedible dried apple currency like that we're all right.' So the bosun he speaks up and he says, 'Did you ever eat one of Mrs. Grady's dried apple pies' 'No,' I says, 'did you-' 'I've tried," he says, 'but It can't be did So I move we coin them dried apples into dried ap- Sugar-coated and all vegetable. Dose, only one pill at bedtime. For consti pation, bilious headache, indigestion. Ayers fills, bold for 60 years. Ask Your Doctor. J. C. AjerCo., Joweii. ii. pie pies In Mrs. Grady's galley cook stove mint.' he says, 'and we'll have a currency as flexible as an old rob ber boot heel, and as indestructible as elephant hide, for that's the kind of pie she makes.' So we done so. We reformed the dried apple currency, and we put the treasury reserve -of dried apple pies in the good oM First Na tional Bank, and that currency didn't bother us no more." "Whale didn't weep?" asked Sim Perkins. "Weep?" said Uncle Ashdod. "Whale didn't have no chance to wfeep. Sunk like a piece of lead. Yes, sir, that ihira rfni-mri cnrreBcT foundered the old First National whale. Them ! was some pies!" "Lies?" queried Sim Perkins. "Did you say 'lies? " "I said pies," said Uncle Ashdod angrily. REFEIIEXDUM FAILS IX CAXAD V. Hegina, Sack., Nov.. 2 Indifference of electors yesterday killed possible initiative and referendum legislation in the province of Sasgatchewan. While ..!.... Ail .a 'aa jvottt vao favrkrahl to the issue, less than 10 percent of the voters went to the polls and the prop- 1 osition failed. RAVEL ANP LIMON HELD TO GRAND JURY Joe Ravel and Hillario LJmon were bound over to await the action of the federal grand jury in the "suit case ammunition smuggling" case that was heard before United States commissioner- George B. Oliver Friday um ing. In this case. Pedro Domtaguez, Jose Eros. Guadalupe Reynosa and Al bert Herald were discharged for lack of sufficient evidence. The evi fence upot which Rarel and LJmoh were held was that the ammu nition had .been bought at Ravel'3 store, with the suit cases and that tho ammunition had been put into the suit cases before being takei. out of the was released on $10W bond, and Limon on a bond of $754. The Zelger dining room is now open until 12 oclock each night for theater parties etc. Kntrance through the lobby. Advertisement. The ordinary cost of a Want Ad in The El Paso Herald is 25 cents. 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