El Paso herald., November 29, 1913, Week-End Edition, Sport and Automobile Section, Page 6-D, Image 36

About El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931

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Saturday, Nov. 29, 1913
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Old Sailor Discusses a Flexible Currency
Sim Perkins Seeks an Explanation For the New Currency ..Bill and
Hears ABout the Reappearance and Sad End of the
. Whale Who Swallowed Jonah.
66
(Copyright, 1913, by The McCIure Newspaper Syndicate.)
O, firit off, we tried dried as- Iktr new mnnov hin mii etm pr. h;o..4 ,,,. ..u i.... m... n
- -w j ...... uuu MBim ...- u.CF.U.1.3 JVU .VUtU I.HO. W UJ1 1I(W LUCJT
pies," said Uncle Ashdod.
I wasn't taUcin' about dried
apples," said Sim Perkins. 'I was'
talkin' to you about this here now cur
rency bill. I can't make head nor tail
cuten.it I don't see why "
"And the reason waaf said Uncle
Ashdod as Sim had not spoken, "that
there was five hogsheads of dried ap
ples on board the Sally Ann that trip.
And them dried apples made purty good
currency at that. If you didn't want to
spend 'em you eouUj chaw 'em. Only
trouble was that the secretary of the
treasury didn't have no right control
ever if
kins. "That's what I ast you to do."
"I ain't sayin' but what it ws3 keer
less of me to start out on a voyage
without money to pay the hands," said
Uncle Ashdod, "but I done 'it, and i'll
take the blame. Oo ahead and blame,
if you want to. I don't care. So I
says, 'Fellers an' sailormen all," I says,
'on an' after this date drie'd apples is
goin' to be currency on this here ship,'
I says, 'and the rates of pay is a bushel
a month to the capting which Is me
and a peck a month to the first mate
and the second mate, and a Quart a
was rtfbber. Some of the things she
cooKea you couia cut, and some you
couldn't cut, and some you couldn't
chisel off with a "
"Them - old greenbacks was good
enough for me," said Sim Perkins.
"Some you couldn't chisel off with a
cold chisel," said Uncle. Ashdod, "so we
made her secretary of the treasury, and
she done good. When money was
skeerce she used to take a spinklin
can "
"What for?" asked Sim Perkins.
"For to expand the currency," said
Uncle Ashdod. " 'Money's skeerce. shs'd
monm to everyooay eise. inciuaintr Mrs. i ;.. 'J JiTTj ..,7 .. r: .. ".'"
Gradv. -Sh was th mnk . h wa I ??: sne a a"" tne oia un spnnk-
"What I ast you was to explain this ' a mighty fine cook. She could cook I iVSi58 a,nd ,stut. and sPriIke them
' dried apples in the treasury, and they d
sweii ngnit up. jjriea apples make one
, of the flexibllest currencies there is.
make a peck outen a quart an' all you
need is a sprinklin' can an some wa
ter. So when money' got easy again
she'd fetch -the treasury reserve in by
the galley stove an' shrink It down
again. She was some flnanceer, she
was. Kep' the interest rate right at
G percent all the time. Only trouble
was that the fellers used to loaf around
the treasury andichaw up the currency
between meals. Couldn't blame 'em.
Only thing aboard they could eat. So
we hitched the old whale on behind
the Sally Ann"
"What whaler asked Sim Perkins.
"Jonah's," said Uncle Ashdod. "The
steersman that voyage was an old Rus
sian by the name of Gobbleacowsky and
he was a livin image or Jonah and the
whale didn't know but what he was
Jonah. First we noticed of that whale
was how it follered us. lookin un sort
of coaxin at Gobbleakowsky like it was
sayin' 'Oh, Ux. Jonah, ain't you comln'
aboard soon again?" We tried throwin'
the secretary of the treasury's biscuits
at the old whale, but they only dented
It, they didn't drive it away. So when
I noticed the white spot on the side of
xne wnaie l got the old teJebcope and
seen the white spot was a piece of
paper"
"Bank note. I reckon," said Sim Per
kins, sarcastically.
"Plain note." said Uncle Ashdod.
"Plain note, writ in a sort of anteek
handwritin' and what it said was 'Gone
out to lunch. Back in half un hour.
Jonah.' So we knowed it was Jonah's
whale and that? it had been hangin'
round since the time of Jeroboam Num
ber Two, waitin' for Jonah to come
back from lunch. 'Well,' I says, I
reckon Jonah ain't comin' back from
lunch," I says, and we might as well
take down that sign and put up 'Apart
ment To Let' and get the rent money."
o jars, uraay sne nirea the whale oir
of me for to be tne First National Bank
of the South Atlantic Ocean. No sec
retary of the treasury ain't happy with
out she's got a national bank or two
to put the -dried apple reserve in. So
she depis'ted three hogsheads of dried
apples in the First National Bank. We
had to take the trunk out first"
"Whales don't have trunks. Ele
phants has 'em," said Sim Perkins.
"It was Jonah's trunk," said Uncle
Ashdod, "and we give the clothes that
was in it to Cobbleacowsky, because
they fit him and then he looked more
like Jcnah than ever. Tou didn't ever
ser a whale weep, did you?"
"No," said Sim Perkins grurfly.
"No, sir." said Uncle Ashdod. "Be
cause a whale don't weep so you can
notice I:. A whale always tries to restrain-
its feelin's an' keep folks from
seein its emotions. That's why it weeps
T . " fill 9i i- . -C mm frm
-jjfgCV" jJ" ' - -. - 8
MeHey's skeever," she'd say an' she'd take the old tin sprinklin' can.
'nrt4jf:'s ; v-f & &'
-"" n-r ".. , . rmunn f
'a. Wuuie iht cier cruised lu.' South Ytiauuc,-
Tfa-VT
X -. -, .1 J . . ..
..c oiuu mc ursi un rooted irst .Uujai i n,
inwardly and not outwardly. So when
it exploded "
"That currency system?" asked Sim
Perkins.
"That old whale of a National Bank,"
said Uncle Ashdod. "It wept so much
inward weep because Gobbleacowsky
wouldn't come aboard it that the tears
swelled the dried apples and swelled
'em and swelled 'em until the reserve
fund puffed the old First National out
like a balloon. 'Got to contract the cur
rency," says Mrs. Grady, 'or the First
National is goin" to bust higher'n a
kite!" but before we could get the old
whale aboard and alongside the galley
to dry out he busted. Yup! He went
off with- a bang like a cannon. Blew
the wSole roof offn him."
"Ho, hum!" said Sim Perkins, stretch
ing his arms and pretending to yawn.
"Panic! .that's what happened," said
Uncle Ashdod. "All them sailor men
that had put dried apples onto deposit
in the old First national whale started
to draw out, and some of our finan
ceers was waterin' their dried apples
and some was drym' them in the oven.
and nobody knowed nothin nohow.
That was a turrible day for the secre
tary of the treasury. She shoveled dried
apples into the money market with the
coal shovel until the aft deck was knee
deep in as good dried apple currency
as ever was. and still the interest rate
went up. It went up to seven million
eight hundred and sixty-four thousand
nine hundred and fifty one and a half
percent. So the snip's carpenter, who
was national bank examiner, closed the
First National Bank."
"He did, did he?" said Sim Perkins
scornfully. "I don't .care a ding what
he did."
"He closed it," continued Uncle Ash
dod, "because it was leakln' water at
the roof. He closed It with a tarpaulin
first, an' then he soldered a piece of
tin roof on, and we was mighty proud
of the iob. We had the first tin roofed
First National Bank Whale that ever
crossed the South Atlantic. I dunno
f but we had the first tin roofed nation-
la bank whale that ever cruised any
Atlantic Might be some shingle roofed
First National Bank whales crusin in
the North Atlantic, or the east Atlantic
or the west Atlantic, but I never heard
of a slate roofed whale, or a tile
roofed whale cruxsin anywhere. Slate
roof would make a whale top heavy,
and a feller would have to rig up a
lead keel, and then the whale would
set too deep in the water, and a First
National Bank that sets plumb under
water "
"If any man asked me about the
currency business to him, and I told
kins meaningly- Sf he asked me as
polite as you please to explain the
currency business to him. and I tola
him about a tin-roofed whale, I'd I'd
I wouldn't know what to do!"
"And we didn't neither," said Uncle
Ashdod cheerfully. "Seemed like dried
apples was purty near bein' ideel cur
rency, and seemed 'like they wasn't
wuth a cuss for currency. Seemed
like a currency that would expand
and contract like them dried apples
did was what th aggycultural dis- j
tricts needed, but "
"Aggycultural districts!" snorted '
The Wretchedness
of Constipation
Ca qmctly be overcome bj
CARTER'S LITTLE
LIVER PILLS.
Purelv vemiaMa
act lurdy end
gently on the
urer. Cur
Biliousness,
Head-
ache.
Uizzi
ces, and Indigesoba. Tee do their duty.
Small PiH. Small Dote, Small Price.
Genuine mn.tbe Signature
tin roofed whale, but if you're goin'
Sim Perkins. "Tnougni you was on
a ship, t don't mind hearin" about a
to run a farm on the ship "
"We was all sea farmers. We
plowed the sea," said Uncle Ashdod.
"But it didn't seem like a currency
that would blow up a bank that way
was just right neither. When you got
a currency that'3 goin' to swell up
an' make a panic every time a Jinged
old whale gets the blues and starts
to blubber, you got to do something."
"Hire a cider press from some old
loan shark that comes swimmin' by
just then, maybe," said Sim Perkins
scornfully. "An" squeeze them ap
ples." "You got to do something," said
Uncle Ashdod, paying no attention to ;
Sim Perkins s remark. "That s what
all of ns said. You got to have a cur
rency reform when times like them
comes. So a gang of them sea law
yers got together and brung in the
apple-sass currency plan, but it didn't
look good. If you feed a lot of apple-sass
currency to a hungry old
whale of a bank you can't never tell
i what'll happen. Maybe you'll get your
apple-sass back and mayoe you won c
ilaybe you'll only fatten your old
whale of a bank so fat he'll be a
dinged old nuisance. 'What us fel
lers want,' I say, "is a currency that's
dried apple and that ain't dried ap
ple. We want a currency that's flex
ible but that won't swell up and burst
the old First National whale. If we
can get ahold of an unedible dried
apple currency like that we're all
right.' So the bosun he speaks up and
he says, 'Did you ever eat one of Mrs.
Grady's dried apple pies' 'No,' I
says, 'did you-' 'I've tried," he says,
'but It can't be did So I move we
coin them dried apples into dried ap-
Sugar-coated and all vegetable. Dose,
only one pill at bedtime. For consti
pation, bilious headache, indigestion.
Ayers fills, bold for 60 years.
Ask Your Doctor.
J. C. AjerCo.,
Joweii. ii.
pie pies In Mrs. Grady's galley cook
stove mint.' he says, 'and we'll have
a currency as flexible as an old rob
ber boot heel, and as indestructible as
elephant hide, for that's the kind of
pie she makes.' So we done so. We
reformed the dried apple currency, and
we put the treasury reserve -of dried
apple pies in the good oM First Na
tional Bank, and that currency didn't
bother us no more."
"Whale didn't weep?" asked Sim
Perkins.
"Weep?" said Uncle Ashdod. "Whale
didn't have no chance to wfeep. Sunk
like a piece of lead. Yes, sir, that
ihira rfni-mri cnrreBcT foundered
the old First National whale. Them !
was some pies!"
"Lies?" queried Sim Perkins. "Did
you say 'lies? "
"I said pies," said Uncle Ashdod
angrily.
REFEIIEXDUM FAILS IX CAXAD V.
Hegina, Sack., Nov.. 2 Indifference
of electors yesterday killed possible
initiative and referendum legislation in
the province of Sasgatchewan. While
..!.... Ail .a 'aa jvottt vao favrkrahl
to the issue, less than 10 percent of the
voters went to the polls and the prop- 1
osition failed.
RAVEL ANP LIMON
HELD TO GRAND JURY
Joe Ravel and Hillario LJmon were
bound over to await the action of the
federal grand jury in the "suit case
ammunition smuggling" case that was
heard before United States commissioner-
George B. Oliver Friday um
ing. In this case. Pedro Domtaguez,
Jose Eros. Guadalupe Reynosa and Al
bert Herald were discharged for lack
of sufficient evidence.
The evi fence upot which Rarel and
LJmoh were held was that the ammu
nition had .been bought at Ravel'3
store, with the suit cases and that tho
ammunition had been put into the suit
cases before being takei. out of the
was released on $10W bond,
and Limon on a bond of $754.
The Zelger dining room is now open
until 12 oclock each night for theater
parties etc. Kntrance through the
lobby. Advertisement.
The ordinary cost of a Want Ad in
The El Paso Herald is 25 cents. It
reaches an average of about 85,000
readers each issue.
r
Safety-First
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B "g m
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Our officers and di
rectors conduct the af
fairs of this bank with
the idea of ETRST af
fording safety for de
posits, knowing that
this policy assures a
steady, substantial
growth.
This is a GUAR
ANTY PUNTD BANK,
operating under the ex
acting banking laws of
the State of 'Texas,
which gives an addi
t i o n al guarantee of
safety to depositors.
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NION''
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muni
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n I Him
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Everyone had something for which to be thank
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counf, if you already had one.
If you have not yet started an account with us,
Tve cordially invite you to come in and open one
novr, or you can safely send your deposit by mail
itsvet j i- . i . . ,-. . , . . v
in. .hi t rerceni interest raid on oavrnps AccmmU. la- .on
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ij iii
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ijl,3:paiP!oNgsAviN.G& deposits; jnilBlff
THE BEST WAY
to establish protection for old age or any
unforseen misfortune is to provide a re
serve fund.
This may be done by having an account
with the First National Bank, and mak
ing regular deposits, where your money
will grow at compound interest.
4 Percent Interest Paia on Savings
Accounts.
JOSHUA S. RAYNOLDS, President.
JAMES URAHAM McNARY, First Vice President.
W. L. TOOLEY, Vice-President.
J. M. WYATT, Vice-Pesident.
J. F. PRDDr, Vice-President.
EDGAR W. KAYSER, Cashier.
WALTER AT. BUTLER, Ass't Cashier.
GLEX T. MOORE. Ass"t Cashier.
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Phones 35 and 36. .
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To The Public:
This announcement is to let people know I am.
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