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El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, May 10, 1920, HOME EDITION, Image 6

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EL PASO HERALD EDITORIAL and MAGAZINE PAGE
Monday, May 10, 1920.
CNiuur'tHMnui'UMi
MAKERS OF EL PASO LINE UP
FOR ANOTHER YEAR'S DRIVE
TOTALITY of mas it measurerl in red corpuscles. The
V member of the BI Paso dumber of commerce are tie
red corpuscles fa EI Pass's arteries. By their number and
activity the health of the dty can be determined. And the
size of the annual budget of the chamber of commerce Is a
jplendid strength test.
The clear eye, strong grip, springy step, quick compre
hension, ready sympathy, contented look, air of confidence.
vgorous attack, calm control of seK and circtrmstance,
panes application, earnest labor, whole hearted play, faith
in tie power of will and work, care for the future, love of
humanity, devotion to higher ideals of life, determination
:o win in order to be mere useful these traits that dis
tmgnish the healthy and contented man and valued citizen
mark also the group organizations of a progressive cem
aanity And of such is the chamber of commerce.
If yon could Use op the near 20CO members of the
chamber and the junior chamber and march them by, you
would see there the united and concentrated energy of 1
Paso Jie MAKERS OF EL PASO.
These are the true aty builders. Every man, woman,
and child in El Paw benefits from the well directed work
of these men. And their influence spreads far oat, over
the southwest, and has an effect even beyond, across the
continent, for the spiritual inspiration of such a movement
titers no bound.
Are you not proud of it? Be assured that in all the rest
oi the world outside of the United States there is sot an
other organization like this; and in our own country there
are not a dozen civic organizations in the same das with
El Paso's for the large percentage of the dtizenship enroled
and the powerful character of the work being done. El
Paso is setting the pace, furnishing the example, and others
are striving to imitate.
Such new activity as EI Paso's example inspires among
southwestern communities reacts almost directly to EI
Paso's gain, for whatever benefits the southwest benefits
El Paso, the gate dty and great central market. El Paso
knows asd loyally plays her role as leader of the south
western communities.
A. record of achievement stands to the credit of the EI
Paso chamber. It thinks deeply, plans broadly, and the
El Pasc as we see it and know ft asd enjoy and love it
today is largely the result and proof of its wise endeavor.
Yet it has just begun its program of dty braiding. It has
projects of great value to every citizen, and to make them
succeed it is necessary that the chamber of commerce sever
lack funds to carry on.
It seeds no argument to establish the right of the cham
ber of commerce to stronger support it seeds only a re
sunder. The budget for this year has been worked over and ever,
and reduced to a minimum. That figure is well within the
power of El Paso to meet without straining or embarrassing
a single person or firm. The officers, directors, and man
agers, of the chamber are experienced, trustworthy, ener
getic It is not their duty to beg for financial support for
tae chamber of commerce, but only to lay the facts before
the membership, which they have dose.
First, more members are needed; second, increased dues
is some cases where they are deafly lower than the re
sources and civic obKgatieBs of individuals or firms warrant.
A week's drive is commencing. Hundreds of voiusteer
workers win visit dozens m penes or by ttj'. Their time
is as valuable as yours. 9nt keep them waiting, don't
stac, son t Hesitate er compute, it is your chamber of
commerce. You owe it to yourself to do your share in sup
porting its work.
What you pay is sot as expense but an investment, and
you can find no investment mere profitable.
Make it snappy, asd if you go just a bit further thas
you fed obliged to, yoa will feel s weH pleased with your
self that you wiH do a better business for yourself by
rruon of your contented smite. The community has a right
to your support, bat it is your privfttge to give it eheer
fally and a bit in excess of mere duty.
Liquor And Politics.
ITT IS improbable that prohibition will figure in the com-
x log campaign, in Dots parties senumeni is against,
bringing the liquor issue before the people. Assurance that
adiministration forces win be in 'antrol at San Franasco
has blasted the hope of the liquor interests to get a wet
plank in the Democratic platform, for the president is op
posed to injecting prohibition into the coming political
battle.
President Wilson is set friendly to absolute prohibition.
But he wants to make the peace treaty asd the league ot
nations the one and only issue. He seeks a "solemn refer
endum" on the Versailles pact and opposes bedouding the
issue with questions which he considers of minor import
ance as compared with the ose big thing which the voters
wi3 be called upos to dedde.
And Democratic leaders, also, are anxious to do noth
ing which will split the party, as a wet platform surely
would do.
The Anti-Saloon league has issued a statement declar
ing that enforcement of prohibition must be made as issue
in the campaign. In view of the activity which the gov
ernment his shows in the prosecution of bootlegging asd
liquor smuggling, there is bousd to arise doubt as to the
sincerity of the Anti-Saloon league in its latest move.
The purpose cf the Anti-Saloon league has bees accom
plished. We have so saloons, and the very same of the or
ganization implies that the abolishing of the saloon was
the end which the league had in view.
There is widespread agitation is favor of repeal or
amendment of the Volstead act, which defines intoxicating
Bquer, and this might offer some excuse for the continued
existence of the Anti-Saloon league, but eventually the
question of the right of congress' to say what is intoxi
cating and what Is" sox'wHf be determined by the courts.
The Deming Spirit.
With Germany engaged in the orderly -working out of
her problems, with the Bolsheviki abandoning their war on
Poland, and with Mexico on a fair way to peace, the United
States with its endless war against the vanished imperial
government of Germany will be the only bdfiVcreat in
the field.
For the next 10 years Spokane will be kept busy explain
ing to the country how it happened that she is one of the
few American dries that have stepped backward in the
past decade.
DURIWG the war Deming had as army cantonment. Some
people said: "Get the money, gouge the soldiers," or
words to that effect, "far they won't be here long." But
Deming"! merchants didn't do that. They charred the
soldiers just what they charged other people. Asd the rs- '
creases in prices that were made were based on cost to the '
Deming merchants asd sot on a war-created condition
which rnasy commnsities felt entitled them to profiteer.
Deming, now, is glad she did the right thing. Deming
has her same old dvifian 'friends and there are no hard
feefisga. The hotels of the dty are always well filled. The i
merchants all seem to be doicr a good business and Dentin?
is remembered as a place where a man could get and can i
get a square deal.
A town that treats its visitors and transient customers
as if they were eoine to be rezular customers has a -ranch
better chance of making them regular customers than it
would ever have if each transient were stuck the limit. The
treatment accoraea to every visitor in Deming is doing
much to advertise the town favorably. At hotels the pro
prietors and employes show every courtesy and do every
thing possible and many things not necessary to make the
stranger's stay pleasant. Clerks is the stores are cordial
and considerate asd show a genuine interest in their cus
tomers. At the station the agent and his assistants are
me con, laKe-ic-er-ieave-it public servants ia some
cities.
People on the streets of Deming will go out of their
way to direct strangers to places they may inquire about
All in aH the reception a person gets is the tows makes
him glad to go back. Deming has the right idea.
o
France has barred the American automobile and Amer
ican motion picture fflras, bat the Americas tourist is stHl
wekome.
SCHOOL DA YS
Copyright. 1920, by
McClure Newspaper Syndicate.
By D WIG
WEIL, IF TVT DOHT
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About Broadway Plays And Players j
Br BIDE DUTJLCT.
w
Ho candidate loses votes by attacking the profiteer, be
cause everybody thinks the profiteer is the other fellow.
o
Every eoHege ought to have a department devoted to
the study of dty problems asd dty government.
c
The sews from Enron inditifei tfct pm. .,-. n
but that the wires are down.
love frflMfloi soUtads
And such society
As is quiet, true and good.
Ferer xrub stteUer.
Little Interviews.
Zoo At Washington Park Attracts Hundreds Oi People Daily
Texas Oil Fields Create Interest In All Parts Oi The World
TOHN FISHER- nark Mmmwinnv rfnuMa t .. .. -ji vha.1,.
i i j - . rr- -""" " "! ,lw iiuuiCTwo
. sioic, utrserves FTe cTetut lor
-Jh ,wIk h has done, especUlly
?t -"jilng-ton park." said T. T. Ma
lone. "During tbe put yar the oo
i that park haa been eniarced by
tn addition of Tazious animals, In
cludlns three buffalo, and new ani
mal cares and houses have been con
structed. At tb present rate of pro
gress El Paso will have a decidedly
intereetinc zoo within a few yemra.
All cf the new animal houses are so
constructed as to have running; water
at ell times, and they are built to In
Fure cleanliness. The popularity of
a- zoo here cannot b nvrmtimmx
HVI
would flock here to eecatM the con
gestion ID the east." "
"The preference of Mexicans for
tne given name Jesus is something
that has struck me as Indicating
tneir innate religious tendency." said
Robert Smith. "In xny work I have
occasion to handle many Mexicans
and a big percentage of them have
that given name. Probably 40 per
cent of the laborers on my records
have been named 'Jesus. I wonder
wny it is that tne cognomen is never
given to anyone of Anglo-Saxon or
Teutonic blood. No English or Teu
ry afternoon hundreds of persons "" SSu"-ln'I f?"
are lined up before the cages and - Jr"Tr?L "C'A" "ua l "ir1
pens, and some spend hours watch -
ng the animals. The animals thm.
pelves are In fine shape and ahow in
telligent care Few xoos outside of
the large cities have as fine a col
lection of plumage birds. The fact
that the citv council realizes the ben
efits to be derived from a large
park la a point in favor of the men
t the head of our affairs. If wei?-l"c.
mors nrlr liv ""
fB have one more nark. lare
enough to be worth while aid mor 1
centrallv located, this city will be
well supplied with places for public!
recreation." t
"The eyes of the world are on
Teaa oil fields," said Dan P. Mar
cason, of New York. "When I was
at home in New York recently I was
talking with an Englishman, who
had juet arrived from London. He
was tourintr tne United States, he
said, and the first place he wanted to I
so was to me oil iieios ot xexas.
He said he had heard of them before
coming to the United States, and be
1 -red that the fields in your state
would constitute a world famous
source of wealth. What Texas needs
is more advertising In the east. The
idea of the average easterner of the
border is ridiculous and I have even
been asked lf white people lived
along the border.' This is due en-t-i-eiy
to a lack of advertising. If
Texas business men would start a
campaign in the east, advertising the
opportunities of this place, its beau
ties and wealth, tourists would
son Jesus, but amour the Latins
it is a common practice. The French,
I believe, are the only branch of the
race that do not use the Savior's
name for their children."
The poetry and romance of the
Mexican people is indicated by tne
names they give such material things
as their meat markets and grocery
saia woouora wanson.
"Down In the lower part of the city
you can find grocery stores called
"The Flower of Hope,' or The Friend
of tbe Poor.' A trip through lower
El Paso Is well worth while if one
can understand the signs that are
painted over the stores. Among
others I have noticed these: The
Rose of Veracruz The Gate of the
Sun, The Deep Sea, and The Qoiet
Shore'."
"If recent newspaper reports that
de la Huerta is in favor of liquor
and gambling prohibition and that
such conditions may soon result In
Mexico, El Paso will be very much
benefited by such reforms, said A.
H. Wheeler. "Fifty percent of the
men who come to El Paso and apply
here for work come because Juarez
is so accessible, with Its liquor and
gambling. El Paso doesn't want to
attract citizens of that type. We
want people here, but not those who
come for those reasons. And the best
element in Mexico doesn't want that
country to become a gathering place
for all sorts of vicious people who
go there merely for the purpose of
Rippling Rhymes
m Br WALT MASON.
Suffering Germany
THE Hubs are shot to pieces, the telegrams declare; things are set slkk as
grease is disorder's everywhere; the peasant and patrician are both in sad
condition; they're eating ammunition, there is so grub to spare. Ho useful
wheels are turning, the church bells do sot ring; no smithy fires are burning,
oo workmen's hammers swing; but gloom is aB-prevai&Bg, and wrath asd bitter
waiting; men are M busy railing they do not smile and sing. I ought to view
Tito sorrow the troubles of the Hun, and say I hope tomorrow win see his
inguish dsse; and yet I see him sweating without a great regretting; he earned
vhat he is getting, earned trouble by the ton. Had he but shown repentance
for any crimes of his, had he received his sentence with a remorseful phiz, I
aight compose a ditty of condolence and pity, more generous than twitty, but
.s things are Gee whii! The Hun has been so sassy, so nervy and so smart,
-,e thinks himself so classy, asd greater-than-thou-art, that it is hard to view
h-.i wun sympathy, beshrew him! so let his woes pursue him until his change
ft tear'
nj ir Georxe Matthew Adam WAIT MASON.
engaetajT In pursuits forbidden In
the United States. I brand a splen
did position for an ex-array lieuten
ant recently at an unusually good
alary and he held It Jut wo
months. Juarez was more attractive
to him than his Job. It would be a
good thing for El Paso If prohibi
tion did go into effect in Mexico,
for then we would not attract the
worthless class st peojde we do sow
to so large an extent but would re
ceive only those who come here In
search, of health or work.'
"X am often asked If you do get
on in Hneco basts, what will you
do with it and how long will It be
before any returns can be bad," said
H. G. Moss, president of the Califor
nia Well Drilling company, -in the
first place, wells will be drilled In
tbe Hueco basin as fast as material
can be obtained. XatsraHy all this
development work will create a mar
ket for fuel olL Then the question
will arise, will our natural product
be good fnel oil? It probably would
not as we have every reason to be
lieve that our oil will be of a high
gravity, but before disposing of any
oil for fuel purposes we would first
extract all gasoline. This will not.
as a great many people believe, call
for any great outlay of money for
instalation, as an efficient topping
plant can be Installed at a nominal
cost, in fact there is already the
principal portion of the material
necessary for an efficient topping
plant at the present well site. Thirty
days from the time the well Is
brought in we will have a train of
tracks delivering gasoline to the
servioe stations in El Paso, which
will naturally bring immediate sub
stantial returns, and the resMne will
than be a first class fuel olL Be
fore other wells can then be brought
In, pipe lines will be laid to market:
the entire product' i
Customs at Nogales
Show Heaoy Increase
Nogales, Ariz. May 1. Prediction
is made that the business of the No
gales custom house this year will
amount to ow !is,0M,te, the rec
ord for the office, an Increase of
$5.0M,M0 over last year.
Without regard to revolution and
Indian troubles, there has been 'pros
perity of unusual sort on the Mexican
west coast, in a degree due to the
high prices received In the United
States for the products shipped
through this point.
Tbe garbanzo crop has started
northward and Is expected to be worth
around 2f.oeo.000. Present local ware
house accommodations are inadequate
and two large additional structures
are to be erected by the Karns Bros.
Co. and tbe Grace interests.
Laughs At Son's Joke;
Dies of Heart Failure
Three Rivers. Mich, 'May 10. Mrs.
Caroline Osborn fell dead of heart
disease after prolonged laughter oer
her son s joke She had just said
se neer laughed so much in hr
life when she fell lifeless to the
floo-
BW YORK. May 10 If putting old
wine lato new bottles has be
come a lost art. Lhe industry of
putting old plays into new ronn is
especially active in the musical
comedy world. At the Globe theater
"The Dictator" was welcomed back
as "The Girl From Home." a bright
and tuneful entertainment.
The Jokes and lyrics by Frank
Craven brought Richard Harding
Davis's farce up to the prescription
Solat, even la Central America, and
ilvlo Hein'a music was refreshing,
except for the number, "Ocean
Blues." which, seemed a bit stale
after that other song about blues in
-The Night Boat" Incidentally, the
song hit of the year But "A Won
derful Spot" proved original and
highly amusing with its references to
high prices and its patriotic refrain.
But. My Country. TIs of The, I
"Wouldn't Live in Any Other Plaee."
Mr. Craven and Jed Prouty put so
much feeling Into it that every verse
brought roars of laughter from ap
preciative taxpayers snd sympathetic
apartment house dwellers.
In Willie Comer's old role of the
New Yorker who flees to Porto Banos
with his valet in the belief he has
accidentally killed a cab driver, Mr.
Craver gave a droll -performance,
lacking the bone dry quality of Col
lier's humor as a matter of course,
yet unfailingly amusing, Naturally
enough rn musical comedy, perhaps,
he seemed more concerned about the
girl in the case than he did about
the impromptu revolution. Mr. Prouty
was merry and fat In the part that
John Barrymore once acted with a
listless indifference that made the
valet one of the delights of playgo
lng in those days.
Flora Zabelle brought her flash
ing beauty and a fiery spirit to the
role of Juanita and made such a
vocal success of "Sometime" that
there was cause for wonder at her
having only one song. Gladys Cald
well, as tbe girl who gave tbe piece
Its thin excuse for a title, was vi
vacious and trim, though a bit off
the key In her singing. But she sad
the "nine little missionaries" with
her In the song of that name, turned
a clever number to good account-
A song to the accompaniment of
wireless machines came as a novelty,
while another In whieh portraits of
short-lived presidents of tbe revolu
tionary belt were exhibited, struck a
funny note. Tbe production bore the
Dillingham stamp of excellence.
AXOTHKR SEW OXE
A new play by Anne Crawford
Flexner, entitled, "Soul's Eve." will
be presented by John D. Wllllsms at
Maxlne Elliott's theater. May 12. In
the cast will be Lola Fisher, Cyril
Keigbtley, Anne Faystone, Clifford
Dempeey, Walter Kingsford, John
Thorn, Eleanor Hutchinson and
others. Further than to say the play
deals with a subject of timely inter
est. Mr. Williams doesn't give any
idea of what It is about.
A TRICK niTTMB
Today's trick rhyme, friends, needs
a final word that refers to a part of
one's anatomy. We give you this tip
so it will be less difficult of solu
tion. By finding the word and send
ing it in, together with a check for
1500 and an egg beater, you win be
eligible for membership in our
Limertckers' Queen of the Mayub.
Hurry! Tbe rhyme
There was a young woman named
Blatk '
Who went for a rMe In a hack.
The dam thing tloped over,
Jnat eset of West Mover,
And dumped her right on her
rLAYERS SEE 1.IXCOLX
The Cort theater was filled re
cently with members of the acting
profession, there to see a musical
matinee performance of "Abraham
Lincoln." Frank McGlynn. in the
title role, was given an ovation. In
the boxes were Ethel Barrymore, Fay
Bainter, Elsie Ferguson, Ins Claire.
Peggy Wood. Adele Rowland and
Helen MacKellar.
SOIIERX TELLS OMS
"One night after my father had
been playing Lord Dundreary in Our
American Cousin' lu London very suc
cessfully for about a year," said E.
H. Sotbern recently, "a weary swell
In the first row of stalls arose dur
ing the second act, deliberately put
on his coat, stretched, yawned and
started up the aisle. People said
'Hush" but he was unperturbed. My
father was greatly nettled, but feel
ing sure of the sympathy of the dis
turbed spectators, stepped to the
xootiignts ana saia: -
"'I beg your pardon, ray dear sir.
but there are two more acts after
this one.'
"1 know It.' said the weary one.
That's why I'm going.'"
WTIO'S WEDDISG RIXGr
The .treasurer at the Majestic
theater; Brooklyn, has a wedding
zing he'd like to give to some lady.
Oh. no, he doesn't want to get mar
ried; he merely wants to return the
ring to Its owner. During a per
formance of Iha LHtle Whopper"
at that theater recently, a woman In
the downstairs section was spplaod
Ing when the ring dropped from
above into her hands. She gave it to
the house manager.
BY WAY OF DIVERS I OX
Bert Adair Seelhoot ot Belle rose,
K Y contributes the following
rhyme:
"I remember, I remember oh. that
X could forget! the good old days
when food was cheap. lwlsh we had
them yet. I remember, I remember
the memory makes me weep
when eggs were sold for IS cents and
butter quite as cheap. In those old
days we oft had steak: I hate to
think of that. And liver! Say, the
butcher gave us liver for the eat.
Those were the happy, carefree days.
Still I remember how we kicked
about the prices then the same as
we do now.
GOSSIP
The Hippodrome will close the mid
dle of May.
Edward Royca has returned from
Washington. He Is helping F. Zleg
feld, Jr- select girls for the next
"Follies."
Richard Walton Tally has reopened
"Keep Her Smiling" In Montreal.
David Miller has the role played by
Sidney Drew.
Alex Sullivan and AI Jolsos have
written & song called "Always Leave
Them Crying When Tou Say Good
Bye."
Robert Pitkin and Guy Nichols
have been engzged for the cast of
"Page Mr. Cupid." which the Messrs.
Shubert will produce May 17.
ANSWERS TO INQUIRIES
Skinner. Mary Flckford Is about
10 years younger than Douglas Fair
banks. Paul T. It A passes before the
pot Is opened he has a right to come
in and raise all he wants; if he passes
after It Is opened, he Is through until
the next hand Is dealt.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAT
It's fashionable nowadays for wo
men to be thin everywhere but in
the poeketbook.
FOOLISUMEXT
Tber make you hot. ,
They make yon tret,
Bnt wait a irhlle
Don't shed them yet,
FROM THE CIIESTVDT TREE
Poet (modestly) "I never call my
rnymes noenu, .Miss .luuiia.
Julia "I hope you don't call them
what father does."
SOStMlte
r- -
REMEMBER when th' James bays
'used t' throw th' whole United
States is a flutter by robUn' a little
bask out in Kansas? Hod carrier Joe
Lark did sot go t' work this motsin'
on account o' a detective starter.
CosrHsht, National Newspaper Serrtee,
Ye Towne Gossip.
Btxbtend C. B. Patent Office
BrK.an.
I A Line O Cheer
Each Day O The Year
By jonx KEXDRICK BANGS.
"WHO HELPS HIMSELF."
virHILST I believe the Lord wUl do
VV Most anything I ask Him to
i sort ot reel He s put me nere
Upon this fruitful mundane sphere
To win my share of golden pelf
By doing certain things myself.
Hence when T nrav T nmv that TT
Will grant such str- ngth and wit to me
ni i may see ana put straignt
through
The thin? that's no to me to do.
Copyright. IMS. McClure Newspaper
oruaicaie.
BERKELEY, CALIF, SHOWS
INCREASE OF 38.2 PERCENT
WashlfisTtoo. Mav 10. Brklv.
Calif, S6.SS6, Increase 15,412, or 3S.2
percent.
Hartford, Coniu 135,936 Increase of
39,121. or 39.6 percent.
Moscow. RuBBla, has only one wo
man's club and Its membership, is
very small, doe probably to the fact
that in Russia the segregation of
sexes Is a rarity.
Kabibble Kabaret
caerr&t. tsa htusattoul rtttate Santa. In, Tiriwil V. 8. rstoU OSes,
AR VU5BrvN CAMS HOME iVl A UiMQ t iro
.US-TO YOU TU1NVJ HtJ WILL WEAR TVQrV MAMS?
uFfpTie tcH eegp cli uyna mcisANfr hks
To Chas. Pollock.
President El Paso.
City baseball league.
For many days.
Fve been running around.
In answer to ads.
Of houses to let.
And rve found me one.
And Vm moving la.
And yesterday.
To mr great surprise.
And unbounded joy.
I made the discovery.
That three blocks away.
From where ril live.
Lie the ball grounds.
And, ot coarse, I know.
That' If s nothing to you.
If I lire up there.
Or whether I live.
Or anything.
But anyhow. Charlie.
It came to me.
As I stood on the corner.
And looked at th roof.
Of the old grandstand.
That fats ha" come.
With Its guiding hand.
And had led me there.
To my light rooms.
And my- tun length bath.
And had said to me.
"Tou shall go forth.
"From your domicile.
"To the ball park.
"Right at your door.
-Ana again oecome.
"What you used to be.
"A strong-lunged fan.
"Who lost his voice.
"At every game."
And I said to myself.
As I stood up there,
ril write to Charlie.
And m let htm know.
That rve moved out here.
Where within a minute.
I can get from home.
To the ball grounds.
And the chance are.
That he'll write back.
And say to me:
"Dear K. C. B.
"Please find enclosed.
"A season pass.
"To the games."
And rve asked Bud Rutherford.
What he thinks about it.
And all he said.
Was: "Tou say It, Columbus.
"Tm reading Pennsylvania."
Whatever that means.
But you can't believe.
Everything Bud says.
I asked him who discovered Amer
ica. And he said Ohto."
I said: "Tou mean Columbus."
He said: "His first name was
Columbus."
I thank you.
RECORDS OF ARIZONA SHOW
REGISTRATION OF SS.6O0 CABS
Phoenix. Aris.. May 10. Thus far
this year there have Tieen registered
with the secretary of stats &,
motor cars. The fees have amounted
to S170.T0O. an Increase of about
$28,000 oer last year's income from
the same source. It is notable that
Maricopa count, including Phoenix. I
is credl'ed with 11.800 ears, or as
mart as Cochise. Gila, Pima, Tarspal
and Tuma counties combined I
Patter And Chatter
immmmmlmmmmmn By S. E. KISBK. anaaneaa-
THE FUNK BROTHERS
HgSRY FUSE'S a lawyer. Married? Yea; has three
Of the loveliest HtUe children is toe tews.
Last week Henry was arrested. WeH, yea see,
He has recently been'sUpping dews snd down.
He has acted merely as a kind of cleric
For a firm that pot his same upon the does.
He might have quit the law asd gone to work,
Where ass wages would have met his seeds er taste,
But instead of that he made unwise remarks.
Predicting that our government anst fail
IjQlts it stopped the profiteering sharks,
So they've had to hustle Henry into jaS.
THOMAS FUNK'S a preacher. He's haviaj tresbte, fas.
ms mind has bees affected, it appears.
For a time he struggled, trying to paB thnrugk,
AHhsugh he was is debt up to his ears.
But he got to preaching sermons that were bad;
In fact, they were sedrrJeos, it is claimed.
If his children asd his wife were poorly dad
That was so excuse for him to be isflasiei.
He had the crust to say he oslds't can
How soon as overturning came about
He passed beyond the Bait then asd there,
Asd, of course, the trustees had to tars Hn oat.
DANIEL FUNK'S .a teSer or was, we'd better sty;
He lost his job a week or two ago;
Is the bask ia which he worked, it seems, the -grj
For taking mosey is is rather lew.
Ss Dsaki get to talking, asd his talk
Was sot the kind the psbHc ought to hear.
They invited him ose day to take a walk
Talk, like many other things, yea see, is dear.
Tee bad about the Funks! Their children cry;
Their worried wives are overworked asd iH.
But who's to biaae for all the trouble? Why
Won't people leant to suffer asd be still?
WILL SOMB OSB PLEASE FBBJTISH STATISTICS t
Wonder what has become of all the earrings the women used to wearT
BY WAT OF PRBPARATIOX.
When things of importance are to be done men try to brush up their
wits; women merely put on their best clothes.
Woman's View Oi The Evil Mustache
By HELEN ROWLAND.
sighs
sprouting,
all around
HAVE you seen them
budding, blossoming,
you?
No, I don't moan the
I mean those saucy, silly, flippant,
little mustaches, that have broken
out like a spriBg fever all over the
faces of beautiful American man
hood! Oh. Buddie, how COULD you start
It? Oh, Adonis of the movies, bow
CAN you? Oh, Gibson Man, and Spar
row collar Boy. stop it!
Of all the evils that followed In
the trail of the war. there has been
non more Msghtlngr than tMs!
, There la a reason for every
thing under the nun-except a
mustaehet
Yet, nothing so fascinates a
man as i3ke sight of hair on his
face Heaven knows why!
Watching th radishes shoot up In
his garden may be enthralling but
feaUag his upper lip every morning,
to see if a JO second of an Inch has
been added to the foliage there over
sight. Is thrilllngl
It isn't so much that he wants a,
mustache, as that he wants to prove
that ho COULD grow one, it be
eared to!
There . Is some strange, morbid,
savage Instinct Implanted In the
masculine breast, that inspires a mas
to do stunts with his face.
A woman takes ont her primitive
passion for self defacement, in coat
ing her nose with pearl powder, tint
ing her cheeks with pink, and per
forming miracles with her hair.
But, poor man has only one way of
varying the monotony of the vision
which greets him in the mirror every
for
little
morning hs
variety.
ST Varieties of Mustaches.
, And there are ST varieties of
mustacbos red. blonde, long, short.
curry, straight, clipped, waxed, dyed'
Bnt the only vital difference Is tnem
Is that soma are a Bttla worse thas
others!
All of them are uncivilised un
sanitary, unnecessary, unbecom
ing, and most poignant fm
kluablet And now that this worst of th
horrors of the war has been started
whore will it end? Profiteers shall
In time pass away, and bolshevists
shall be no mere; strikes may b?
broken but a man's habits, never'
Start him in any direction. anJ
he'll keep right on going, until be
reaches the limit- Lot him coquet--with
this tiny, cute, little "Londor
Johany" mustache, and it wont be
two years, before he will hai
passed through aH the stages of ti
waxed kaiser - naonstraaitv. ktiH
French beard, and' the imperial. t
ue ultimate aizncuon Dowie
whiskers!
And then. WHAT will a girl have
to fail In love with?
And to kiss?
For a kiss without a mustache
MAY be like "an egg withoat
salt"
Bnt a kiss under one, MUST be
Rke caressing a whisk broom. '
Little did wo think, when v
kissed you and sent you "over thr
to fight for an ideal, beloved. thi-
you would come back bringing a
MUSTACHE!
Veriiy. verily, the mustache cjp
eontaineth Love's hemlock! Cop -right,
1J20, by Wheoler Syndicate
Inc.
1 14 Years Ago Today I
From The Herald of This Date. 1906. ;
REPORTS from St- Petersburg
show that the emperor's recep
tion at tne ooeniaa- or narila-
ment passed off without any disturo
ances. With the opening of the new
parliament a new era dawns tor
Russia.
E. R. Carnenter. aunanr of tfc
Dawson Fuel company, returned this
morning from Dawson.
A. N Daguerre. city clerk of Jua-
res, accompanied by his wife snd
niece, left this morning for Santa
Rosalia, Chihuahua, to spend a week.
Pat, the five year old son of cor
poration clerk Jim Dwyer, who has
been threatened with membraneous
croup, is reported better today.
a vary nign wind came up last
night shortly after 10 oclock anit
blew for almost three hours, scatter
ing sand and dust rn every direction
and loosening signs in many loca
tions. A number of windows were
broken, but no serious damage done.
Chief of polios Hall has gone to
Deming to look over his ranch.
i. J. w. Hraoy or tne street de
partment spent a busy time thts
morning rescuing the steam roller
which had sunk over night in a soft
olace at the side of the etrAt tin
Myrtle avenue between Florence and
Octavia streets.
Customs collector A. L. Shame Is
down on his ranch at Clint.
w. a. pneips sna tamllv leave to
day for Massachusetts, where they
will reside for some time.
A W. Cbeesman was called in
Shreveport last night by Illness in
ms ramuy.
J. u. o-anea na sold nis residence
on Boulevard, near Campbell.
J. A. asaitn and Scott c White re
turned this morning from San An
tonio, where they attended the meet
ing of the state Republican execute s
committee which selected El Paso as
the place for the meeting ot the stste
convention In August.
( Harry F. Hare, at the El Paso
skating rink m a five round contest
last night, bore away the prise.
The matter of the salary schedu s
for the teachers lu the schools was
up before the school board at t'-e
last meeting of that body, and w 1
be again discussed at the next meet
rag. May 2S.
PECOS VALLEY TO HAVE
23,6 ACRES OF COTTON
Pecos, Texas. May ! Twent-r-fir
ttaoxuand acres la tbe Pecos a.
ley will be coder cotton this yar
This win be as Increase of a fifth
over the acreage of the last tm
years. About 56 of these acres ha e
produced al'ilfa for the past f?-r
years, but .v rlsinc nrice of cotton
1 and the- threatened shortaere as a "-
satt or the pins, dou worm promt -ttves
zones has eansed Peooa farmers
to plow uader macs of their alfaJta
acreage
The Pecos T&Uey had licht ram
Friday morning, which will be of in
calcuable value to th early crop tb-t
has been planted. CtafMerable o ;
the cotton acreage ts now yet under
seed, dne to the bcbckward season
Cotton farms In the areas to the
southwest of Pecos are now raising
fands to secure the services of a
government ootton grader.
PHOENIX MAN LEASES
MAJESTIC THEATER HERE
R. O. Feddsrson. of Phoenix. Ariz .
hsa leased th Majestic theater in El
Paso, and plans to open it June 24 for
night performances featuring a musi
cal tabloid. Mr. Fedderson is also
manager ot the Coliseum at Pboenix
Polo is the oldest outdoor gam-
Jtlayed today. The Persians placed
t B. C.
EL PASO HERALD
DE,??j&?P JS TJ5?.5?Il,2E-0. T"1 MOriJE THAT SO GOOS CACSE SHAH
IiCK A CUAKFION. ASD THAT EVIL SHALL NOT THHTVE BNOPPOSED.
R. D. stater, edtter asd eoatreHag owner, has directed The Herald for SS Tears,
w u. i. atarnn m managing rafter.
MBMBEE ASSOCIATED PRESS. AMERICAN NEWSPAPER PGBUSSEBS' ASSOCIA-
... t vsj. awaA nvisCirtU ur CeUBlUlariUA.
THK ASStDCIATSD PRESS Is uchutv-ly entitled to the ue Am- pabUeatica of all new.
-""" s- . a, wtiwrwm cx-Mitts m inn paper aaa aim toe locai
news pabUabed herein.
AN INDEPENDENT DAILY NEWSPAPER The El Paw Hrmid wu cetablltshcd iu
Dell, News. Th Telegraph. Th Teleeram. lb, 7 .Sun. The Orspaic. Th? San.
Th Advertiser. Tn lrid.tnnd.nt. Th Journal. Th. Xerneltcaa. The Bulletin.
TERMS OF ffCBSCRTPTIOrf Daily Herald In Arlaona. Xrm M.lc, Texas. California
7ri .--. - .-.... ,v, jssu- jcp 4,4 ox, in ji ouftr um. p.r month
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pr year Y eckEotl editions only, per jear. 2.e
THIRTY-NINTH TEAR OP PUBLICATION Superior rcJj.lv. Oatorw xd complet
news report by Associated Press Leased Wir sad Special CoiTespondent o "e
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