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EL PASO HERALD
! ROUNDABOUT TOWN By c. a. martin, i Minute Movies (Copyright, 1920, by Georse Mathew Adams Trademark Registered U. S. Patent Office.) By WHEEL AN Creator of "Midget Movie. BELOW is a contribution from a reader, sosgrested by something he saw m this column. Contributions 'rem any reader are welcomed. If vou like to read the column, help to make It In teres tine- Send Is any I'nng you thick worth printing. The letter and the accompanying bhaksperean parody follow: 'The limericks In Friday's Herald suggest that an old parody on Ham let's soliloquy might be of Interest. "t picked this up In college, some 25 years ago, and have never een it tn print, nor do I knew the author. "As I am quoting from memory. I trust readers will excuse any mis takes C K. Townsend."' To pop or not to pop, thafs the question. '' htther 'tis nobler for a bachelor to suffer In single blessedness the rubs of fortune, . r ask some pretty girl to share his troubles, nd, by proposing, end them. To woo, to wed, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. To woo. to wed. rercbance, a family. Ah! there's the rub' For In that state of bliss, what cares may come to give us pause? "i et, who would bear the washerwom an's crimes. The buttonless shirt, the stockings full of holes, And the pangs of collars with a saw- nice ease. When he himself might his autetus maice With a nlaln raid rinr? But the fear of endless tradesmen's bills Nnd housekeeping expenses. From whose doom no benedict C&TMS. Puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those Ufa we nave. Than fly to others which we know not of. Thus Conscience doth make cowards of us all and promises apparently of granite -re broken like the crust of apple pie. Odofurious is the way the galley hoy described the odor when the rats were poisoned. He wasn't so far from right at that Watch your own mistakes; let the boss catch his own. "Peaches, are In our midst, writes the country correspondent front the upper valley. Let vm hope they are not cmn. Old Top, naless the paregoric In handy. 3 3, , FESK LIKE TUB GIRLS USE. (From the Kankakee RepuMlcan.) Auditor Bdgeworth ox the 3-1 Is feaTtcf his residence, corner of Oak street, Chicago arenne. painted a fashionable color. A correspondent asks why do chasms always yawn. For the same reason that a storm rages. DROWX TBB3&. "As a club, we aim to abide by the law, and submerse our incli nations for the public good. Board of IHrectors, 'Westmoreland club. B. I. T. asks i 'What do yon mean submerge f While the Lord may love a cheer di giver, Luke McXake reminds us : hat he has no nse for the giver who gives only advice. We are eJad somebodv ! acrrM wuh us We always did think the It should have been done, but never showed originality enough to do It first. There are two kinds of hose, according to Maurice Schwartz the rubber kind and the kind that make yon rubber. This made Ray MeCHntock re mark that he saw a miracle on the street the other day. (Details omitted, bnt) a man heard the swish and turned to rubber. NOT OPEN TO CONVICTION'. (Prom the Knox. Ind, remoeraL Will the fanatic who is mailing the Seventh ay Adventlst literature please sit up and take notice. Better save your postage money for your church donation or personal use, as the literature 1 put In the fire as soon as the wrapper is removed. Dont be a mangy yellow cur. Mrs. Jennie Myers. , What are cprkols good for noP You cant make brandy of them. TnvtivA sruat-t Wondrinz whv any wife is so foolish as to go away for the summer and leave her husband alone amid the temptations In the home town. a a AIXTT HE THE FRESH THIXGT (Prom ths MeHaa Dispatch.) WAOTBD Stenographer. Must know how to at least spell as well as a third grade pupil- Do not want the singing or whistling kind. If you can run a typewriter and take dicta tion you do not need to know how to play tse piano, we s vui ouwj now and then, so wiH not be inter ested In hearing about where yon were last night, or where you are go ing tenignt. a gooa pia.ee 10 worn and good pay for good work. Ad Yes, he IS fresh, but he knows a thing or two. Our idea of a snapi Owning a hammock under a tree where there are no mosquitoes. RIDING ON A TRAIN. (Contributed) The teoraer home was safe and not attended by any insurmountable difficulties. The car was crowded. .Everyone as going to the beaches and the observation ear was a regular kin dergarten. The man In the seat op Dosite mine made me think of that saying that a harelip Is a deformity, a wooden leg is a misfortune, but sidewhiskers are a man's own fault. He evidently was not from Texas, as he invited tne porter on several oc casions to sit with him and they talked and talked Don't you hate that? and the sorter would lounge back sleepily with his whisk broom in one hand and the other hanging limply oat in the isle, antlclpatlngly, with the palm upward. As I watched the familiar roads and hills move out of sight, I felt terribly unhappy and weepy, but since if s foolish to be melodramatic when one hasn't an audience. I swallowed the lump and was glad Z had made friends worth missing, and whom I hoped would miss me. It Isn't so very hot here, not? near as bad as I had expected no worse than I have been used to. Get used to hot weather before you take a vacation and you won't mind it so much when you get there. Thafs the stuff red lines are raada of. !sni It? rm not rubbing it in on El Paso, rm just smoothing It over. A man on the train asked me where El Paso gets its electric supply and I am consumed with tmrinnit-r know how far my Imagination led me START1SG-To-DAV I M cycLONic SIX-PA1ST MJHEELAN SERIAL IJAIIBO 1 1 OF THE I J PftBT ONE B Dt PlLFEElWG-.fiAi ENGLISH WUESEHAlD MJHO HAS WDMfiPEP THE BABy HElIS & THE 6AEL OF HEMP VAST htMCAE r2n SHE INST4GATOE. CjF "WIS ATROCIOUS CRM, BASIL SCAPEGRACE, THE EARL'S DISSOLUTE HALF- 0VW VjTH (TAKE "WECHJLD Tb &FSTOIW. If sm'iB H wLLtoLLovyoMTfevEXTeoSr W' f g& AWD VJU&'LL J&LD HIM foE. tL mpjppMfejyii f yn -m. mntmm. m NTHEPSFH OF A v. HURRICANE OFF THE AFRICAN COAST r'n i npsfsSsl WKBJMmBBml I 1 8 KWIZ. See. U. S. Fit. oct. Xetv Questions. No. 1 What Is a golf line No. 2 What Is a htaireT No. 3 Who was called "La Kol Soleil," or ths Sua Klnc. of -Prance? No. 4 What city of North Caro lina Is Internationally noted as a health resort? No. f What bird has the smallest brain and the largest body? No. 6 What Is economy? No. 7 What Is autonomy? No. S How deep should a hole be to make a pood camp fire over? No. 9 Who wrote the tale of the Vlklngrs. entitled "The Ontlaw?" No. 19 What Is a capsule? Answers to Last Kwlz. No. 1 The fortunate gems for a person who Is born dsrlng the first weeks of August are said to be ru bies and diamonds. No. 2 Oilcloth Is coarse cloth of rarijus grades, according to the purpose for which It is designed, coated with white lead cronnd in oil. and usually finished with a decora tive pattern in colors. No. 2 A pentathlon Is the con test of five associated exercises In the great games leaping, running. wrestling, throwing the discus, and hurling the spear that occurred all on 'the same day between the same contestants. r. 4 A slice of bread digests In two and a half hours. No. S Mauve is a beautiful tone of purple color between violet and heliotrope in tint. No. 6SuaTe means bland and pleasant in manner, smoothness of Tolce and gestures. 10. 7 Oshlr Pass Is In Colorado. opposite Mount Wilson, one of the highest peaks on the American con tinent. ro.S The 3emolrs of an Ameri can Citizen" were written by the popular Chicago writer, Robert Her-rlck. J.O. Florida is noted for Its sponge fisheries. No. 10 A coin Is a piece of stamped and minted metal, with a fixed 'nine of exchange. I QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS I '.ord cared very little abont these i astray in my answer. Of course. 1 1 H- telegraph office, has gone to east leople who could always tell us how didn't admit I didn't know. Texas for a vacation of three raontha A bout Broadway Plays And Players Bj BIDE DUDLBT. H. Woods XTEW YORK, Aug. 2,-A. iha3 arranged to launch two net piays in Srew Tors before August io half over. At the Hudson theater 1 will present Taylor Holmes in The Expose," by Samuel Shtpman and Percival Wilde, on August , and two nights later he will offer Ladies' Night," a new farce by Charlton Andrews and Avery Hop wood, at the Eltinge. In the cast of the farce will be John Comber land. Allyn King, Charles Buggies, Evelyn Gosnell. Claiborne Foster, Kda Ann Luke, Eleanor Dawn and others. "K15S15G TOMB" SEAKESG Robert CamobelL erenercil n; ger of the Empire Producing corpo ration, announces the production of Kissing Time," a musical piece by George V. Hobart. with lyrics by Philander Johnson of the Washing ton Star and musio by Ivan Caryll. William Norrls. Frank Doane, Edith Taliaferro, Dorothy Ifaysard and Paul Frawley will have the leading roles. After playing in Stamford, "Kissing Time" -will open tn Boston on August . "DEABIE" SOON Lee Morrison began rehearsing his new musical show, "Dearie," to day John Merkle, Cosmo Bellew, Alice Hayward and Harold Christie u. Fill Out With Pencil 1 5 r ( JO 14- 17 I3T n 34-" 33 16 32 10 O 2o 3o 28 31 23 2J m w 27 26 21. 25 23 2t have been added to the cast. Dave Bennett is staging the piece, i TO BE "CAUFOIUHA." Wellman & Sinnott have decided to change the title of their Willard Mack play front "Poker Hanch" to "California." The play will open again in September. It had a tryout in Washington and Chicago In Hay and June. CAST SOW COMPLETE. Adolph Kiauber has completed the cast of "Scrambled Wives." the com edy he will present at the Fulton on August S. In it are Roland Young. Juliette Day, Marie Chambers, Glenn Anders, Elsie Bartlett, James Louns bery, Betty Bamlcoat. Louis Albion, Margaret Hutchlns and William Lennox. BT WAT OF DIVERSION' We have a funny little dog; he's cute as he can be. He's pretty but I really think he's harboring a flea. For every time that people come to call It's his delight to sit down on the parlor floor and scratch with all his might. The Browning club came in last week to study Browning's style, iiifl way tnat iao gummed the game sure handed Dad a smile. uur utue nog is very cute: a mend' ly pup Is he, but somehow I would net my me nes harboring a flea. Thomas Rea. of Tucson, hu srr1vri in El Paso and taken a position as train agent on the S. P. relieving vice-agent Holmes, who went to Los Angeles. Trace two straight lines, then thirty three. And see a by the tea. Draw from one to two and so on to ihe end GOSSD? Alexander Wbollcott has returned irom jsurope. Marlon Davis of "Ed Wynn's Car nival." is now Mrs. Verne Stern. Lillian Rosedale of rhe Century Revue" has written a song dalled "Mammy's Precious Pickaninny Boy." The first performance of Grant Mitchell In -The Champion" will take place in Atlantic City tonight. F. ZiegfeM. jr. has bought 12 acres adjoining Burkeley Crest at Hast ings and will add it to the Zleg-feld-Burke estate. MiUon Noble has assumed the rjle of Bill Jones In "Xlghtnln"" and is doing wen. He will probably head the cast that will take the show on the road this year. Harry Delf has been engaged by Arthur Hanuaersteln for "Jimmle," the new Frances White musical piece. Frances has Just closed in "The Greenwich Village FolUes of 1919." A THOUGHT FOR TOODAT Four Wellsvlile negroes were all ready to migrate to South Africa Saturday when a carload cf water melons arrived in town. KOOLISHHHXT -Do quinces rome from Quiaey?" Asked little Willie Brown. Said Papal "Goodness, Willie! They come from every town," "What torn are you from, Papaf Asked Willie. (What a rnrt'l The neighbors soon were startled jjy -aacit: whaeE: whack!" FROM THE CHESTNUT TREE "Boy, call me a taxi." "Very good, sir! You're a taxi." 1 14 Years Ago Today f From The Herald of This Date. 1900. s T 7 R. STILES, general V . agent of the Southwestern, passenger Garnett King, general atront have Just returned after a two weeks' trip on the California coast and in Colorado. G. W. Clary, of general lmin. H. J. Stmmonss office of the South western, aecotipaniea y Mrs. Clary, left yesterday for Mexico City, where they will spend a few days. rope benraaer is in El Paso to day enronte to his two new colonies New Mexico, near Socorro. E. T. Etherldce. manager of the O A "COWBOT POET." "Jack" Thorp, of Santa Fe, N. M, old-time cowpuncher, shows in the August number of "Poetry" that breaking horses fitted him for riding Pegasus. He opens the issue with eight Cowboy Songs. "'Light. Stranger, 'Light," is characteristic: For this is the law of the western range When a stranger hails in sight "Just tie up your hoss in the oil corral. En light, stranger, "light!" Tis a land of hospitable people. You're welcome In daytime ornlght; Always one more chair at the table. So It's "'Light, stranger. Tightl" We don't ask no (naulsltive questions. If your ceonle are native or white At our ranch you will fled you are welcome. So It's ""Light, strangervlightr" You may be an outlow. or preacher. Got into some place kinda tight Some day you'll return the favor. &o iro - -xdgnt. stranger, iigntr We are Just plain cow-folk In Texas. jui yon u una we are all about right. You may stay for a year and be welcome. So It's "'Light, stranger, light!-" bob snrixrx to speak AT SALESMANSHIP LTJXCHE0X Congressman Claude B. Hudspeth will be the principal speaker at the Salesmanship club luncheon Tuesday at tne chamber of commerce grin. Bob Mollln will give a selling lesson. E. C. Wade, Jr. will make a short talk on salesmanship tn the Orleent. where he speent several months with the British army during the war. The Young Lady Agtoss The Way rE young lady across the way says whatever the result of the election, there's no danger of havuig a minority president, as" senator Harding will be 65 on Nor. 2 and governor Cox is 50. Q. WHAT Is meant by "rag ruleT D. V. Ia A. In American history this name was siren to certain rules passed by congreca from time to time to prevent petitions with reference to the abolition or ree txiction of slavery. Since then the name has been applied to similar procedure In congress, leg islatures, and conventions. Q. what Is the origin of honey- dew t J. 1L A. Honeydew is a term applied to the sweetish secretion which under certain conditions drips from the leaves of some treea It is a form of bleeding: which appears only when an abundant supply of atmospheric moisture and a hiffh temperature ner- mit the development of a considerable sap pressure. Some kinds of manna are the dried honeydew or saccha rine exudations of certain plants. Q What is the world's distance record for thro wins a baseball f A. The world s record for throw ing: a, league baseball la 3S1 feat, 2 1-2 inches, made by E. C Campbell, of North Adams, Masa- on October S, 1887. Q Who was called the watchdogr of the treasury f M. E. C- A. This title was first given to congressman Ellhu B. Washburne, on account of his insistence upon econ omy. Q. Is there anything- that can be put on milk cottb to keep the stable flies off t AV. F. E. A. There are a number of fly re pellents on the market. The best method of combatting the fly, how ever, is to get rid of the breeding p Lares, by using every sanitary pre caution. The dairy and milking barn should be screened. Traps baited with molasses attracts flies. Q. How can the weight of maple timber be estimated! V. 31. A A. Its weight may be ascertained from its measurements, assuming that 50 cubic feet equal one tone. Q- What fish or animal stings e-r 5 j sprays a liquid on bathers causing the flesh to burn ana smartr e. IS. a. A. Jellyfish, also known as sea nettles, frequently annoy ocean bath ers by stinging them. The irritated areas should be bathed with diluted household ammonia or bicarbonate of soda, Q. Please aive me some Informa tion about the thermal equator. T, W, S- A. The thermal equator is that re gion of the earth enclosed within the annual Isotherms of 84 degrees. In cluding the northern part of South America and the greater part of Af rica and India. O. How far la Mars from the earth, and 1 there enough oxygen la the at mosphere of Mars to keep an earth man allvef B. IU A. On July 14. Mars was 36.2S4.oeo miles from the earth. The amount of oxygen available for respiration in that planet's atmosphere has not been determined even approximately Q, How much grain will the Chi cago elevators holdf E- T. U. A. The elevator warehouses of Chicago have a capacity of 60,428,- 000 bushels or grain. Q. How much candy Is sold In the Tnlted Statear Has there been an in crease since prohibition was en forced F J. O. II. A. The treasury department says that more candy has been consumed since the advent of prohibition thaa ever before In the nation's history. About Sl.OOe.OOO.OOO is spent annually for sweets. Q. How can mildew be removed from table linen? C C C A. Wash clean and rinse thorough ly. Put linen in tub cf clean, cold water. Tie a small amount of cler ide of lime in a piece of muslin., and dissolve the lime in lukewarm water by squeezing the bag. Poor the lime water on linen In tub. Stir, and leave soaking for 24 hours. Rinse in clear cold water. Q How long does it take for a coeoanut to get riper V. A. A. The department of agriculture says that It takes a year for a cocoa nut to mature, a tree yielding from 80 to 100 nuts annually. The fruit is eaten both ripe and unripe (Any reader can get the answer to any question by writing The Herald Information Bureau, Frederic J. Has- ijtic, a -rector, w-ssuingion. u. i ine ' bureau cannot give advice on legal. medical, and flu ft net M matters. It does not attempt to settle domestic troubles, nor to undertake exhaustive research on any subject. Write your question plainly and briefly. Give full name and address and e&elsse two eealg In stamps for return pos tage. Ail replies are sent d&eet to the inquirer.) Earns A Vacation On Money From Her Pigs Albuquerque, X. 3 Aug. 2. Mia Frances Parker, 14, living at Hanchoa da" Atrlsco, this county. Is enjoying her vacation on the Pacific coast on money she earned. This Is the way it happened: Two years ago she Joined the pig club, borrowing $10.SO from a locai bank to pay for the pig. In August 191. the first litter of pigs was born. In October the Utter won a cash prise of $25 in the county boys and girls' contest. I-ast February th second litter of pigs was born. !" sold some of them and others were butchered. She now has on hand on brood sow, one barrow and five little, pigs, valued conservatively at JI0. iSinic w fJI VSv f-J-Sa, fill kO you get up these summer morn ings feeling tired; achy and lacking energy and ambition? Do you drag through the day with a steady; nagging backache? Evening find you dull; irritable "all-wom-out? It's likely then; your kidneys are to blame. Modern habits, with constant liurry and worry, lack of rest, and eating to'much meat, throw a heavy strain upon the kidneys. Your back gives out feels lame and achy, you are tired and depressed and likely suffer headaches, dizzy spells and perhaps an annoying kidney irregularity. Don't go from bad to worse. Get back your health and keep it! Take things easier for a while and -begin treating the weakened kidneys with Doan's Kidney Pills. Doan's have brought new strength to thousands. They should help you. Ask your neighbor. iiiU 'ScayPicta TtZtaStory E1P aso Cases Jefferson Street Frank G. Haak. contractor, 171$ Jefferson St says: "A few rears aso I had pretty bad pains across tne small of my back, which never seemed to let up. Whenever I bent over to pick up a saw or hammer, I would get such a kink in my back I could hardly straighten up. It made me feel languid and tired and during the night I was annoyed by the frequent action of my kidneys. Mornings my back felt sore and stiff. One box of Doan's Kidney Pills relieved the pains across my back and regulated my kid neys. The use of two boxes of this medicine cured me and I haven't had a return of the trouble.' East Boulevard Texas Street John Kerrigan, 1110 Texas St, says: "About a year ago I was troubled with a bad attack of rheumatism. I was so bad off I couldn't move and had to take to bed. Ho matter what way I moved, the sains were severe and there was an aching that seemed to cling to me. I heard of Doan's Kidney Pills being so good for kidney trouble I purchased some. Three boxes of Doan's cured me entirely. Doan's Kidney PlUs are a wonderful kidney remedy and I highly recommend them." Hrs. F. A. Kehritr, 1S E. Boulevard, says: "sr a number of years I have used Doan's Kidney Pills and have always fsund them sat isfactory. I occasionally get a pain through the small of ray back and when I feel this trouble. Doan's never fall to give me relief. Others of my family have also taken Dean's with ex cellent results." ALWAYS GETS GOOD RESULTS. The above statement was given June II, lilE, and on April X IMS. Mrs. Rehrlg said: "My faith In Doan's Kidney Pills Is still the same, for they certainly have proven to be a good kidney remedy. Occasionally, I take them and always get good results." Magoffin Avenue Chas. Wilson, retired ranchman. 1JS1 Magof fin avenue, says: "Many years ago I began to suffer from pains In ray bask and kidneys. Daring a change In the weather or If 1 took eokt the pains would be most acute and If I bent ever sideways, I would feel sharp twinges. Often when X lay down. 1 couldn't torn over. 1 was confined to my bed for two or three days or a week at a time and finally got an attack that kept me in bed for twenty-one days. 1 chanced to read tn our local papers endorse ments for Dean's Kidney Pills given by people whom I knew, and I started their nse. Doss's gave me prompt and excellent relief. Tularosa Street txrrrM H,'ffH'S ging; SgMgE&jggjyREag NO package of Doan's Kidney P2fc is gen uine unless it bears tie maple-leaf trade mark and the signature "Jas. Doan." Mrs. S. Adidas. J731 Tularosa St, says: "A good many years ago I suffered from kidney complaint. I couldn't sleep at night, as the pains weald be annoying and it felt as If pins and needles were being stuck Into the small of my baek. I had a sick headache and was so nervous the least thing would irritate me. Often whea I stooped over a stlteh would catch me and then I eoald hardly straighten ap. t was also annoyed by the Irregular action of my kidneys and in the morning I felt sore and lams and so tired I eoaki hardly get up. I heard of Doan's Kidney Pills and started to lake them. Two boxes of this medicine took all the misery away and entirely cured me." 0 oan s ivianev ri I 617 Every Druggist has Doan's, 60c a box. Foster -Milbura Co., Mannfacturing Chemists, Baffalo, N. Y.