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6 Thursday, Aug. 12, 1920. HOW JAZZ AND RAG TIME UNDOl SCHOOL DA YS THE CIVILIZING WORK OF AGES Copyright M20 by McCInre Newspaper Sy-idlcate. m JSIC is a ton or teaes having any or all of the features of rhythm, melody, or consonance: melody or harmony generally, as heard in nature or art. Music is the science or art of a pleasing, expressive, or intelligible combination of tones; the art of making such combinations, especially into compositions of definite structure and significance, according to the laws of melody, harmony, and rhythm; the art of inventing or -writing, or of rendering, such com psitions. The definitions are from Webster's unabridged. The noise being currently produced in restaurants, dance halls, moving picture houses, and on the great majority of phonographs and pianos, both the automatic and the manual varieties, possesses the single feature of rhythm, and by that sole claim can it be classed for dictionary purposes as music. Otherwise it does not bear the remotest resem blance to music Precisely as identical rh" to be called "music" is pos sessed by tha pneumatic riveter, the air drill, the machine gun, the circular saw, the electric fan of oscillating type, and the moving locomotive, for each makes a noise that possesses rhythm, and that is all that can be said of modern "jaa" and all its relatives. The dictionary definition is faulty because not exclusive enough to be reasonably descriptive. By "jazz" for the purposes of this discussion is meant 99.9 percent of aH compositions produced for instrumental or vocal performance in America during the last four years. Just one composition out of each 1000 is entitled to the slightest consideration as being a musical composition. The rest are sot merely nuisances, they are degrading, harmful, and hateful. This stuff possesses neither melody nor consonance. It is sot harmony. It is unlike anything ever heard in nature or art It is neither a science sor an art, ser the result of either science or art. Neither its invention nor its produc tion or interpretation demands that the inventor or pro ducer possess the slightest knowledge of music or even a gram of intelligence. He or she who raves over the beauty of the mssie of a klaxon horn or as open muffler, a steam siren or a street car gong, may find delight in jazz. Jazz and all its relatives as above defined are neither pleasing, expressive, nor intelligible combinations of tones. These compositions have no definite structure or signifi cance. They violate all the laws of melody and harmony, and most of the laws of rhythm. When people go dance-mad, they can and win dance to anything. Clapping hands and stamping feet are quite enough for many such. But how they or anybody else can bear to have these hateful noises tinging and jangling in their ears contin ually without going insane, murderously insane, is one of the mysteries. Yet miffloss of people actually buy this stuff in the shops, actually ask queer young men and gum chewing young women to "sing" or "play" it, actually buy phono graph records and player-piano rolls with the stuff cut into them, and take them home and put them is their instru ments and Tnir thATM go around. The vocal pieces are as bad as the Instrumental Eag time or syncopated measure in itself is sot necessarily un musical; many of the world's greatest composers have used it effectively and wonderfully. But the rag time and syn copated stuff of this day is sot music and its inventors and producers are sot musical. People seem to have lost the art of singing or playing music. And having lost the art, they have lost the joy that comes from hearing music sung or played. This present day jazz and rag stuff is expressive of nothing except the degraded taste of the time, and of shallow mindedsess and coarseness. In the dance hall it can be tolerated because it marks the time and helps put a kick into the wit that dancers esioy as part of the sensuous stimulation. Elsewhere it has sot the shadow of as excuse for existence. The saxophone, an instilment whose capacity for beau tiful music is comparable with the 'cello in right nanm, has bees put on a plane with the steam siren for ugliness and shock to the riser senses. The piano is so longer played, it is merely executed. The banjo, as Americas instrument with honorable relatives in all times and is all nations, and with musical qualities of so mean sort when handled rightly, has bees abused is these jazz and rag gangs until it is less musical than coal going down a chute into a coal hole. The drum and triangle, that Beethoven made the feature of one of the lovehest movements of his greatest symphony, are now regarded as fit rivals of the boiler shop and the railway crossing signal as orchestral esrichers. The fiddle, next to the human voice the greatest of all solo instruments, is sow, in the hands of the typical jazz bandit as musical as a handsaw tearing through a sheet of galvanized ires, and almost as pleasing as the sound of the trolley car rasping arouse: an usgreased curve is a sasd storm. This jazz and rag stuff in as eating place is a public smsance of more than ordinary criminality. If there is one hour of the day when a mas or -woman likes to have peace asd reasonable protection against un necessary disturbance it is when he is eating. But the jazz asd rag bandits keep up their damnable racket almost every minute. If they would play music it would be pleas ant but they won't; they don't know how, but they do know how to wreck the last remnants of love for one's fellow men that a diser-ost brings to the table with him. This stuff affects injuriously the serves, the train, the eyes asd ears, asd above all the digestive apparatus. It keeps one all a-quiver with unutterable hatred and anger, and seta all the nerves of the body to high tension as the victim feels an almost overpowensg desire to smash all the chma in the house over the heads of the bandits or bandsmen. It makes it impossible to rest the thoughts on any one thing more than a tenth of a second, or to put two thoughts together. It makes conversation impossible, and eves a glascje across the table seems to be broken is two by the dreadful blows of raucous sound that come from the jazz gang, nothing tastes right The eyes hurt. The ears ring. Physiologically the effect on the diners-out is most disastrous. Every function of digestion from the moment the food is taken into the mouth until the last drop of perspiration evaporates is subject to crossed wires, inter ferences, plugged apertures, deficient or excessive secretions, I acidulated alkalies and alkausea acids, solidified liquids and undue dilution of salt reserves, cramps, defective oxygenation, autointoxication, fermentation, and coagula tion, filtration and seasickness, all due to the antisocial activities of the young mes who are being paid to destroy the business by killing the patrons. There's nothing to do about it, except just to wait The devotees cannot survive their ows excesses, asd maybe the next generation will at least be able to find a new tune to take the place of the 2,364,755th imitation of the one original of this species. Like Wilson, it is something we have to bear for the allotted time; and time itself is a shadow, that passeth away. It has bees said that "Cranks are the dissonances is our symphony; too much sweetness is monotonous; like pickles, they are nature's means of emphasizing the harmonies of life." Meaning no disrespect to pickles. Poland is receiving scant sympathy from the world. Her greed was untimely. o The league of nations has a hotbox. o Moral force among nations is a tremendous thing, whes it is backed up by money, material, and men particularly men. Lloyd George admits that Britain can't and won't en force article X is the case of Poland. Other nations are not going to have the least hesitation about making this sort of "reservations" is any crisis that may arise. The American way is the best way: to make the reservations before signing. A man who has served two penitentiary terras expresses surprise in Bostos that the authorities look on him sow with a grain of suspicion. He naturally thinks that if the penal system is any good he must be a better mas sow than he ever was. o By comparison with the rest of the world, Mexico is heaven. Those folks who are bound to settle the whisker ques tion may recall that the Germans in the world war -were bushed liberally while the Americans were dean shaven. o , Storing The Waters rE ENDEAVOE that is being made jointly by the states of Arizona asd Hew Mexico asd the IT. S. reclamation service to locate dam sites on the upper Gila and San Francisco rivers in western Hew Mexico ought to succeed. According to the Lordsburg libera!, which has taken a deep interest in irrigation matters, the Alma project on the upper Sas Francisco river has been favorably reported on. A dam sear Alma, If. M, would conserve the flood waters of the upper Frisco, as the stream is known locally, im pound water for power purposes and serve as a safeguard against high water at Clifton. As investigation was conducted at Bed Sock, IT. M, on the upper Gila to find a site for a storage dam to provide irrigation waters for the and lands of Anions. The report, however, was unfavorable. That a suitable site for s dam will be found os the upper Gila, possibly sear Cliff, IT. M, is lisxiy. ijov. uuupceu or Arizona is rasing an active lead is the matter and has promised to take the problem up with Gov. Larrazolo of New Mexico at once. The southwest has many such rivers as the Gila and the San Francsco that can be dammed at more than one stte along their courses asd thus made to serve the seeds of large territories. o Denver, whose chief of police was recently hit on the head by rioters, is in the same class with Omaha whose mayor a mob strung up for a little while, o Pretty soos the weather is going to pay handsomely for all of those spring sasd storms. o Lower California has a big nut crop this year. o Heading the papers, one is sometimes is doubt whether it is Desver or Warsaw the reds are after. o It is aH right to put money in oil, but some folks put theirs is water. 1 MiUaBHi Ul HcKEttCP1. vWert op itiflEWwilW fflfflxl, WMmm if vat. Bermt 0HSiKll& mfesasssz&z f " - mmim' sJPM JffliAmiWSWdjL W? Nn COURSE 1 tmbJlWSiiiUs V vi 6eca m WjMm ! hi im uwii imms&fezm. mm H1IM v3)l in WBiMffm -v arjK jh SS&xMmM wsS - " -.,. .JssWisr1"-" -- " r-s ."v" :-i-r- By D WIG ! Bedtime Stories For The Little Ones I UNCLE WIGGILY AND SUSIE'S HOOP. By HOWARD It CAIUS. 0FISA1K' : Z Patier And Chatterl By 5. E. KISER THAR a c H seemed aa thonsh . They couldn't booit the prices higher; For coal and ice and oleo They socked It to the saddened bnyerj For what he ate and irfcat he wore They made hint hand them all his Traces x It seemed as If we Ured once more Back In the darkest of the ages. rlEY used to tell us ererr week That things would soon be looking brighter; They said that we had reached the peas And that our burdens most grow lighten Bnt all the promises we got Were empty, as they showed cs later. The prices for the things we bought Continued always to be greater. High Prices A: at H bnt when springtime came last, Xew hopes came with lt sweeter. fairer t They told us that the worst was past For every weary burden-bearer. The world took on a brighter hoc. The darkened aky It seemed was clearing; They told us punishment was due .. For those who had been profiteering. TJT now we know that greater woe B1 Is coming Than we hare borne quickly i The prices of a year ago "Will soon seem small and frail and aleklyj With higher rates the profiteer Will hare new cause to list ad vances. And If you do not like it here Go somewhere else and take your chances. The Young Lady j Across TJie Way 1 Secretary Baker is carrying home his ows soup bone and Mrs. Baker is hoeing carrots is the back yard. This insures that living win be cheaper this winter, rtiv to the Wilson administration's magnificent right for economy. o Napoleon said that Providence is always on the side of the last reserve. So keep at least a nickel is your pocket our or your salary. o Not a single pomegranate is our gardes has bees allowed, by the small boys in the neighborhood, to ripen on the tree. Isn't this proof enough that times are normal asd coys have sot degenerated? o The loss cf wealth is loss of dirt; The happy man's vishoul a shfrL John Hevwoed. IQUESTIONS AND ANSWERS i i OHow nick will tke lnereaie In . xrelsfct ratu add to the price of a pound ex meatr c A- Basins eompntaUons on a 1000 mile haul of teed to stock, stock to stockyard, and stockyard to consumer, the freight iscreaM will add less than 1 cent to the cost of a pound of meat. Q. What la the preaent population of HairnUt X. M. C. A. The census bureau says that the population of the Island of Ha waii is 76S.91Z. an Increase of C4.0M. and that the city of Honolulu has a population of S3, SZ7. aa increase of 31, Ht. Q. How saaay tlmea hae Samuel Compere been elected president of tae American Federation of xabor, and bow many years has lie beld that of ficer T. E. IT. A. Samuel Oompers has held this office 39 years, and has been elected 3 times. In li4 was the only ilme is 40 years he was not elected to of fice John IfcBride being elected that vear Q- Are blaetberrles classed as an nuals or perennials T D. P. A Blackberry bushes are peren nial plants, since it is not necessary to plant them each year. Q- Hew can I secure a sloas on whitewash T K. H. TV. A. A pound of cheap bar soap dis solved in a gallon of boJUngr water and added to about fire gallons of thick whitewash will Impart a gloss like that of oil paint. Q. Give me a desceription of the lsnls fatuos. T. B. T. A. The Ignis faittns is a pale-bluish flame which appears after sunset, floating; about two feet above the ground, sometimes remaining fixed and sometimes traveling Some au thorities think it due to the pres ence of phoaphureted hydrogen gas. others, to the combustion of methane. It is seen most frequently in northern Germany, in the swamps and moor land districts of northwestern Bag land, and in the lowlands of Scotland. Q. Does the procedure for natur alisation differ In the various states of the anient T. J. M. A. The proeeedure is the same In e ery state The naturaliiatior laws a-e Gr national not state origin Q. What is the meanlns of the old sarlDsr "Beware of the Greeks when they offer alftst" C.L.I. A. The original "I fear the Greeks bearing gifts'; appeared in Vergil's Aeneid. The reference is to the Siege of Troy. The Greeks besieged the city of Troy without success. Finally they resorted to strategy, offering a huge wooden horse to the Trojans as a gift. The horse was taken Into the city asd while the Trojans slept, the warriors, with which the horse was filled, came forth and opened the gates for their Greek comrades. The conclusion is that one should fear an enemy when he seems friendly. (1. If St, Patrick converted Ireland, who converted England, alnee tbe an cient Britons were pagans t H. TJ. W. A. St. Augustine of Rome, under the direction of Pope of Gregory X, carried the gospel to England. Q. On a deed of land where the notary public signs his name and under It writes "commission expires December 31, 1922, does the owner of the deed have to renew it at that date, and what is the reason tor this datef H. A. S. A. The owner does not have to have the deed renewed on this ac count. Tbe date Is added to the name of the notary public because he is commissioned to act as notary only to the expiration of his license, and it Is necessary to state that any paper was witnessed with all re quirements of the law fulfilled. d. What Is a sundogt D. P. A. A sundog is a specific name gives to a form of halo, and is an optical phenomenon produced when the light of the sun shines through a delicate cloud or layer of fog or mist. (Any reader can get the answer to any Question by writing The Herald In formation Bureau, Frederic J Haskin, director, Washington, D. C The bu reau cannot give advice on legal, medical asd financial matters. It does not attefapt to settle domestic troubles, nor to undertake exhaustive research on any subject. Write your question plainly and briefly. Give full name and address and enclose two cents In stamps for return post age All replies are sent direct to the Inquirer). BIRTHS RECORDED. Ruth Rosalie Burns, daughter of Mr. and Hn. Edward K. Burns, IMS Texas street. Edward S. Blackman, Jr. son of Mr. asd Mrs. E. S. Blackman, Sll East aan Antonio street. Orville Walter Pohlmyer, son of Mr. and Mrs. Georire H. Pohlmyer. 2417 East Boulevard. i. Hired Help By WALT J1ASO.V. "ITJE used to have a stately butler, the most impressive gent alive, a major VV domo and a sutler, and proud domestics four or five. Before the war they did their duties as good retainers ought to do; they seemed to us a bunch of beauties who well deserved the wage they drew. But since the times became unsettled they tried to travel on their gall, and thy became so highly mettled we had to can them, one and all. And sow my wife does all the cooking, re joicing that the gang is gone, and I, beshrewing and gadzooking, keep up the fires and mow the lawn. About my household tasks I scuttle, so gay I carol songs aloud, and I'm convinced that I can buttle as well as any hireling proud. My wife is singing "Annie Eooney" and other good old songs of yore, oeaore song writers ail grew looney, as sue mops up tue kitchen floor, with out hired help my heart is bubbling with harmless mirth, that makes a hit: my days so more are filled with troubling for fear some haughty ttiM wilij hiui. 4iic ucs ug uuxlcu, ujc uicdu is v&&jt tc msAi comes smoKing irom me stove, out xm so giaa is leeung groggy, Because we tired that grouchy) drove. I do not care two jots or tittles what people say of us is tows; far better live os ruised vittles thas wilt beneath a servant's frows. Copyright by George Matthew Adams. WALT MASON. The Funny Man At The Bathing Beach By TTELEX ROWLAND. II THAT is so trying to the spirit, and TY so FUHNT MAN tn the water? Pebbles in the shoe are painful but they are merciful and tender be side one of these. Tea, of all the terrors and the pests he la the most to be dreaded. He rareth the timid damsel into the water aad offereth to teach her to swim: he droppeth her beneath the water and is fined with glee at her struggles. And great are Via ha-has. when she swalloweth half the water! He "spatterettV water Into the eyes, of the unwary infant, and Joyfully dousefh the roatden whose complexion "oonuth off" and" whose marcel wave Is NOT permanent. He playeth. "crab" beneath the water, aad grabbeth the toes of the unsuspecting, causing them to shriek for his delight. He Is SO coquettish ! He rockets the row-boat until the damsels cry oat in terror and amuseth the multitude by tipping the canoe for diversion. Behold, could anything be "funnier"- Verily, verily, he is the Peter Pan of the water, the eternal rsms.ll boy," who bath never grown up. nor tost sis joy in the Practical Joke' Lo. his "wit" is heavier than hotel pastry, and harder to swallow than an actress's press-notice. Yet. when the persecuted victim cryeth out in pro test, he rnocketh him with cheerful ha-has, saying: "Oh, be a sport b not a Joy killer r Alas, many sorrows have we with us. but tne water-wit o'ershadow eth them all. For a little sense of humor, in the WRONG place. Is a terrible thing! copyright, isrt, by the Wheeler Syn dicate, Inc. I- i unuj unut-uuns s From Everywhere I What times demand Is a portable front porch, Chicago Daily News. There'll be a fine Job lot of gener als for hire when Villa retires, Co lombia Record. When a man marries for meney he seeks a good figure more this a pretty face. Sioux city Journal. If thatfabled golden fleece exsted today it would be worth Its weight in ooL Greenville (S. C) Piedmont. Lost A small coin purse contain ing IS gold piece asd an eveslng gown. Call US PiMr fv. Gazette. These luminous wrist watches are w buvu at aii to two classes of so ciety burglars and lovers. Colum bia state Every once In awhile it iiunmn clearer that Germany accepted the ' .. t-rt, PrSy ONE day. what! Uncle Wlggily was hopping along the path through the woods, having been to the store to get some moisawea for Nurse Jane, the bunny rabbit gentleman saw Susie LlttletaU. his little rabbit niece, walking slowly along. And Susie looked very, very sad. What's the matter, Saaler asked Uncle Wlggily, as he hopped along beside her "Did you have to stay in after school" Why. Uncle Wlggily' How you talk" exclaimed Susie. "Too know there isn t any school now' If a va cation time' But oh dear' I do wish I had one' All the other girls and boys hate them, but I haven't any." Any what" asked the bunny gentleman. "Do you mean lolypops. Susie'' If you do I can put some of Nurse Jane's molasses on the end of a stick, and hat will be almost os good as a loliypop " No thank you. it Isn't a loliypop I m wanting." answered Susie, "though I would like some molasses on a stick. But I wish I had a wooden Poop to roll around as BiUle and Johnnie Bushytall, the squirrel boys, have ' Oh don't let a little thing like that fuss you'" laughed Uncle Wlggily. I can easily make yon a rolling hoop, Susie, and also take this mo lasses to Nurse Jane is time for her to make an apple pie" 'But where in the woods will you find a barrel to get a hoop off for mo"' asked Susie. 1 don't seed a barrel,' answered the bunny gentleman. 11 make you a hoop out of a piece of wild grape vine." So with his sharp teeth the bunny gentleman gnawed a long round piece of wild grape vine off some that was climbing a tree not far away. With strings of grass Uncle Wlggily fastened the two ends of the vine together, making a round hoop of it. Just like the letter a "There you are, Susie," laughed the bunny, and then Susie took a stick, and began rolling her hoop along the woodland path. Around and around asd along and along rolled the hoop. "Hurray'" cried Susie. "This Is lots of fun! Thank you. Uncle Wlggily." "Pray do not mention It," answered the bunny with a. low and polite bow of his pink, twinkling nose as he picked up the molasses Jug. Uncle Wlggily west back to his hol low stump bungalow, asd soos he was sitting on the side porah sniffing the air which was filled with de licious lovely smells, as Nurse Jane baked the apple dumplings. Along toward evening, whes It was getting dark. Uncle Wlggily hopped down off the porch. "Where are you going?" asked Nurse Jane Fuxiy Wnzzy, his musk rat lady housekeeper. "Oh, I Just thought T hop over to Susie Llttletalls, house, asd see hew she likes the hoop I made for her to day," answered the bunny. "Do you want to come, Narse Jane?" "No, thank yon," answered the muskrat lady housekeeper. "Bnt you may take Susie a piece of the straw berry shortcake I made this after noon." "Thank you," spoke Uncle Wlggily. So he hepped off, with the piece of orange loagcake tied on top of his tall. sUk hat, but ha had not gone very far before he met Susie Little tail, coming through the woods "Oh. Uncle Wlggily!' cried the lit tle bunny girL "What do you think- My nice hoop that you made tor me out of a grape viae, fcs goaer "Gone? Gone where" asked Mr Longears. "Did oae of the animal boys take K." TJo." answered Soslc. "But I was rolling it Just a little while ago. aad it went in the bushes, aad In a dark place, asd I can't find It I've looked all over everywhere for tt but I can't find my niae hoop!" TU help yon look," said Uncle WtBgOy. So he helped the little rabbit girl look for her hoop, but it was not to be found and Susie was feeling quite sad. "Never mind.- said the bunny gen tleman. "Ill make you another hoop. "But rd rather have that one" Susie exclaimed, "fa used to that one and I like it best." hen we'll try to find It," said Uncle WlggUy. So he and Susie looked some more, but for some time jW"" 3Qif?irfsfjE Iff eBfcsjC a s flj Hurray? cried Susie. This Is lets of fun. they saw nothing. Then, all at once, the little rabbit girl cried: "Oh. look. Uncle WIzglly, see a hoop of fire over in the grass," and she pornted to where, nsder a tree there shimmered aad shone a round ring as though a lot of sparklers were going off at once. "Hal I se what it Isl" cried Uncle Wlggily. "That is your grape vlue hoop, Susie. It rolled In the grass and a lot of Itghtsfng bugs are sit ting on It. psaylng ring around the roele! We have found your hoop'" And so they had. Over In the grass It was, and the lightning bugs were seated on it, playing ring around the rosie oa it But they flew off when they heard it was Susies hoop, and Uncle Wlggily made the fireflies an other, and then he took Susie home and gave her the orange pie. So, if the coal bin doesn't try to come up from down cellar to find out why the gas stove Is daneing around the kitchen, 1711 tell you next about Uncle Wlggily and Saram!es banjo Copyright, ISM, by MeClure News paper Syndicate. THE young lady across the way says A there's so excuse for having a dog pedigreed if you give him a bath often enough asd use good strong soap. pease treaty "with reservations.' Durham Sun. We don't suppose Los Angeles would take kindly to a proposition to change her name to Quaker City. uoiumous inspaicn. Full strength beer is on tap again In Germany, but It costs a lot to get there, and then there are the Ger mans. Boston Globe. A candidate must be out of leek this year whose grown daughter tells him she has another use for the front porcn. auiwauKee Journal. After this, if a fund raisin- rim. paign Is to prosper. It will have to be known by some other name than a " is Angeies Times. The fact that California bank de POStts show an Increase nrobablv in, dleates that somebody must be going """" ou&ttr.-ocxainenio union. D Malone Is running for governor '" New York on the third party ticket. In November they'll change his in itials to 1 Melon,. lVTtM, 10 If gasoline does go to 50 cents a 7fJuu' "" result will be that there will be a lot of people buying gaso line at so cants a gallon. New York Mall. East Realizes El Paso Is Center Of Big Trade Territorv Rvrc-r-ow MoZr M-n,. C...: r TV., . . "' . xjro cm io.c inwucy oezijiig kciddiz okws por market 'THERE is no city in the country J. that has a brighter future than El Paso." said S. R. Lewis, renre- sentatjve of a Kansas City whole sale house. "Eastern business con cerns are rapidly coming to recog nize 131 Paso's rosv nrosoects and regard this city as the center of the great trade territory of the south west, That El Paso will be a great metropolis In a few years Is a cer tainty The city's remarkable show ing in the census would seem to prove that the city Is striding for ward at so mean pace. With condl lions apparently settling In Mexico and indications good for an era of prosperity south of the Rio Grande, El Paso'S CTOWth is sure to train An added Impetus. One thing Is certain tbe big interests of the east and middle west have turned their eyes to El Paso, realising thr thim nln.. with its wonderful advantages of lo cation, is experiencing a development unsurpassed by any other city In the country." "In recent years several kinds of fur, formally of so little value as to offer so Inducement to the trapper. have been raised in nrica am" Ann. sequentiy collecting them has been made profitable" said J. H. Murphy "Rabbit pelts, which are extensively used by hat makers, are among these vnrauns. una eastern concern has announced that It will need 19.M0. 0W rabbit skins during 19J0. and It desired as far as possible to secure them from American sources. This Is an indication of a market that should Interest many a boy. This fall and winter, dried, cased rabbit skins will probably bring a reason ably good return. They are sold by the pound. Many beys can readily acquire in a short time a number of skins which will net them a tidy sum and, in addition, they will have the pleasure of trapping or of rais ing rabbits." I got a card from the postotflce the other day advising me that I had a piece of mall held there for 2 cents postage." said Carl R. Smith. "I took the card to the general de livery window and the clerk told me to take it to the Inquiry window. The clerk at the inquiry window told me she would not take gcod United Kabibble Kabaret.N CorTrtrbtTl&sa internaHoaat JTeaicra Setiti. lac Bsxliterocl V sTPaicot'C-Qfii. .Aiy lAOSBAND SM5''A3S'-iDriRy"'tte WAStRlED States monev for n 9-Mn . -..a that I would have to get a stamp and ., ,fc wiw me oara. she dl r?ctd " th" stamp windows I Stood In the Staron winrfAw- lln f., is minutes and (then bought a book of -crai stamps, men I waited is line again at the inquiry window. Then the clerk of the inquiry window toM me she couldn't take a I -cent stamp because the amount due on the piece of mail was only 1 cent a mistake having been made la the notifica tion. She said she couldn't take the money, either, and referred me back to the stamp window. The line at this window was getting longer and longer I looked at the line, then looked at her and saw the piece of mail I was after was only an oil circular, so I Just left it with Uncle Sam. If uncle's business is carried on inside Ilka the Insiders make us carry os ours on the outside so won der the outsiders kick at the insid ers." "The cooperation of the public in eliminating mishaps at the munici pal bathing beach In Washington park will be invited," said city coun cilman Martin Sweeney. Parents whose children take advantage of the pool can do much by safety first warnings. Swimmers can aid by call ing the attention of the management to any Inexperienced swimmers tak ing too Kreat risks, narticnlftrlv in the cases of children. The city will have done all It can In the provision of safety devices before the pool is opened There will be sufficient protection for any person who does L not aeuoerateiy take foolhardy chances" . . 3 About Broadway Plays And Players By BIDE DUDLEY. NB BW YORK, April IS. Jacob P. Ad ler, dean of the Jewish actors. Is to star Ssvloek airaln. Max K- WOser, his manager, announces that Mr. Adler win be seen in the role os Broadway within a few weeks. Mr. WJIner is busy engaging a cast for this "Merchant of Venice" company and he tells us all players but Mr. Adler will speak English. The Shy !oek role, however, will be spoken is Yiddish. This looks like a novelty, but it Is apt to prove highly unsat isfactory to Broadway audiences. Why make anybody jsess what the star of a play is saying? TJ3 EVER. THUS They used to call him worthless be cause he hated work. He'd very sel dom, labor unless he ceuldnt shirk. His clothes were old and shiny, bsti uiue aa no care, ura uooazernui&in' Wilson they called him everywhere. He didn't like to borrow, but when he did, he'd pay. He had a smile for people, and had it every day. The children used to love him. and all the dogs he met for Goodforsuthin' Wil son had Joyous barks, yon bet! On Christmas morals' always a poor child, mebbe two, would find some little trinket from Wilson in his shoe. He passed away one eve nln down in his shanty, small, and Goodfemutala's mourners were kids and dogs, that's all Soon after he was burled (the county paid for it) the peple got to thlnkin' about him. Just a bit. And now a headboard stand In' above the poor old cuss says, "Goodfernathin Wilson was good enough for us." ARXISS AT THE PARK George Arliss will begin an en gagement in Booth Tarklngton's play. r-aiueain. at toe rare theater on this evening, under the management of George C Tyler. In the support Inlg company will be Julia Dean, El sie Mackay. Sidney Toler, Carl An thony. B. G. Robinson. Hubert WUke. Bmil Hoch, MaBart Klppen and John Webster. WHOA, LEW! Lew Fields, who, by the way, has a real hit Is The Poor Little Bits Qtrl" at the Central, has appelated htmeelf general understudy for all the male roles. NBW FARCE Wilson Colllson made sit debnt as a -New York producer when his fare comedy. "The Oirl With the Carmine upe, opened at the Punch and Judy theater. The east Includes Dallas Welxord, Wilfred Clarke and a dosen others. EDGAR COMMUMOATHS Edgar Mela of the Worcester Eve ning Guette notifies as that Cocaine Brothers have a candy stand in his city. After sllppUng us that dope he asserts that Twin Brothers ODerate a carpet cleaning foundry os Coleman i avenue, new xorc very good, Ed die, but we knew a mas in Denver named James Brothers. INEZ STAGES DtXCBS ' Ines Courtney, who lacks several seconds of being as big as a minute. nj oean staging some or tne dances In the two "Little WhontMr" com panies. Ines was in the show last season and knows the dances so well she can play them os the ukulele, gossd? William A. Brady has engaged Florence Gerald, Louis Frohoff and Clarence Rockefeller for "immodest Vlolet.- Juanlta Fletcher Is to have a role in "Little Hiss Charity.' 'opening soos at the Belmont theater George E. Mack is to have a place in the cast of "Blue Bonnet," the new Shubert production. William Seabury has returned to the Xew Brighten is his revue. "Frl voMcs." A THOUGHT FOR TODAY "De gal whot kin make good bread," says Uncle Bpfa. "doan em rally hab much trubble findln' er man tar make it f er." FOOLISHSfEST Said Mrs. Zeke Jones to Miss Pew, "We'll make a great singer of Suet Oh she7!! have high tones, Z tell Papa Janes, That some day she!! sing clear to U. FROM THE CHESTNUT TnEE Father My son, you're a bad tgt Son That can't be. A moment ago you called ma fresh. The women of far off Zanzibar are learning to play tennis. Ocop BY l fc"t- IsTlW r sgl '?sz iiiUii LOS MOOS jest happened V etsmbla on a bottle o' "white mnte' f da7 as' broke his arm is three places. Oss good thing about beis' a tightwad yau font have f appear before a cam paign isvestigatis' committee. Ceprrlsht. National Newapspir Service, EL PASO HERALD DEDICATED TO THE SERVICE OI THE PEOPLE THAT NO GOOD CAUSE SHAIX tiaws n MmnflUJ, aUlUJ iiUi XaU Jle,a. .1U1 ACUhASJCs teUsrrU9ikX)o U. U slater, edRor nd contrttfijur wncr. ba directed The Herald tar S3 rears. I. C. Wllmartb 1 muarer od G A AUrtla to mjuaajjlajj editor. MEMBBS ASSOCIATED PBES3, AMERICAN NEWSPAPER PUBLISHERS ASSOC1A- 1IU.1 aU AUUi llUMaAU VE Alat.blMslaU.. THE ASSOCIATED PRESS la udoitTtty ntltled to tb tn tor psbttcatloa ef all newa uiiciiei CTcoiiea 10 n or not suwtwim cx-fMuttni u IBa pager aaa also tsa local nwi psoltsaed breln. AN INDEPENDENT DA1LT N3WSPAPBR Tfea El Paso Herald was eataUlilatd fa jaaxco. issi. tdi si raso iseraia iBa-sro-w am, oy aMorpuea ana traeCMJiexi. Tlia Diilr New. Tea Tottfraph, Tfca Telegram. Tbe Trttune, The Graphic, Tb 8aa The AdYerttser. The Independent. Tne JovnuJ. Tne Republican, The BaUetta. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION Dally Herald ta Arlsaoa. New Mexico, Texas. 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