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I F!»lnlr.^rfrrulatlon Dept.' Main 73!», ••w****fc*E«lHort»l I Dept. Main 704. ■' -' OFFICE— T7H-778 COMMERCE ST."^!> Ten Years of Cinch How would you like all your money in a bank, you did not control; and, if you didn't liko It, be unable to change to another bank for ten years? You would say that anybody who would tie himself up that way needed to have a guardian appointed, wouldn't you? We" r ; that U what Aldrioh and some of your so-called "representatives," otherwise known as U. S. Henators, are trying to do to Uncle Bam. The latest Central Hank scheme is known as the "National Re ■erve Association." Senator Burton from Ohio introduced it a few days ago. It is known as 8. 4431. Ask. your representative or sena tor at Washington to send you a copy of it. Section 23 provides that when tho National Reserve Associa tion la organized, the U. S. government shall deposit iln general funds with it and "thereafter all recvlpta of the government, exclu sive of trusts funds, shall be deposited with said association and its branches, and all ilisi.in-nnniiis by the government shall be made through said association and Its branches." So your Uncle Sam would have to put all his money in just that one bank and do all his banking with It. The National Reserve Association will be governed by a board of 46 directors, and on It your Uncle Sam is to have only four; to-wit: Secretaries of treasury, agriculture, and commerce and labor and comptroller of the currency. (See sec. 3). Pretty small minority for so heavy a depositor. Four out of 46, wouldn't cut much ice? But, notice the way the thing Is cinched: "Sec. 58. Congress reserves the right to alter or amend the provisions of this art, to take effect at the end of any decennial period from and after iln- organization of the X. It. A." That Is, uncle Sam cannot change his banker for ten years. Where Will It Pause? One of the most tremendous political events of late years Is the winning of Cologne, "the German Rome," by the socialists in the re-balloting for the relchstag, Tuesday last. Will the fate of the great church in Germany be like that in France and Mexico? Will Prussian royalty finally be forced to unite with the church to combat a common opponent? Verily, these times be portentlous! OBSERVATIONS I>H. CONIIADI, at Clark university, h.as trained young spar rows to Bing ILke canaries just by putting them with the songsters. Pretty good evidence for the "good company" argument, isn't It? "I'VE come to write for the paper," remarked Mark Twain as he stepped into his first newspaper job. He did It. K. 8. MAKTIN, who is some observer, says women captain the ■hip of family conscience. That is, they decide whether Pa or Ma shall go to church and where and how. Ma may decide that ques tion, but she doesn't always make Pa go, we notice. H. G. WKIjIjS says feminine citizenship must be worked out. Have patience, H. G., have patience! J. I>. YVHELPLiEY, expert on matters of commerce, says Ger many's recent progress is a "marvel of the age." MAJORITY of those Lawrence worsted mills employes re ceive as high as $6 weekly, and they're demanding more! No won der troops are called in. Yes, Dickens Was a Poet, Too No one ever thinks of Dickens as a poet, yet there ere occa sional verses in his novels that show a real poetic fancy. One of these, "The Ivy Green." is well known and ranki deservedly high Among the poems produced in the early Victorian era. It first ap peared in "The Pickwick Papers." Here it is: THE IVY GREEN. Oh, a dainty plant is the Ivy green, That creepoth o'er ruins old! Of right choice food are his meals I ween, In his cell so lone and cold. The wall must be crumbled, the ston« decayed, To pleasure his dainty whim; And the mouldering dust that years have mad* Ib a merry meal for him. Creeping where no life is seen, A rare old plant is the Ivy green. Fast he stealeth on, though he wears no wings. And a staunch old heart has he. How closely he twineth, how tight he clings To his friend th» huge Oak Tree! And Billy- he tratleth along the ground, And his leaves he gently waves, As he joyously hugs and crawleth round The rich mould of dead men's graves. Creeping where grim death has been, A rare old plant is the Ivy green. Whole age 3 hay« fled and their works decayed, And nations hay« scattered been; But the stout old Ivy shall never fade, From its hale and hearty green. The brave old plant. In its lonely days. Shall fatten upon the past: For the stateliest building man can raise Is the Ivy's food at last. Creeping on, where time has been, A rare old plant is the Ivy green. THE MARKETS Butter Is the low priced pro £uct today and stands very weak-, at the present price. Egga aj PRICES PAID Apples— sl.63® 2 a box. Lemons— s4.2s @ 5. Cranberries— lo @ 12 c. Oranges—s2 ©2.85. Potatoes —$2 7® 30 per ton. Sweet Potatoes— ©3.50 cwt. Beans —3 @ 4c. Lettuce— $1.25 crate. Cabbage—l 1-2 c. Bpinacb, 1 l-2c. Chicken—l4c. Turnips—9sc sack 11 ill jr f! ©ditorial Page u^€ftc Cacoma €imcs re about to raise a little. Xo eastern eggs can be had at the present time. PRODUCER. Beef— lo %c. Pork—9% ©10% c. Onions 1.25 50. Oysters—s7.so per sack. Clams—s2.so a sack Crabs—email@example.com doz.' Butter Washington Creamery—B4c Eastern— 3 0@ 3 3c. Egg*. Washington Ranch—-29c. Our prices are always the same, not the lowest, but based on a fair margin of profit. Whalebone Plates ....$lO Bridgework $5 Gold Crowns $5 White Crowns $5 Fillings $1 up 12-year guarantee with all work. No better den tistry at any price. 1124y 2 Pac. ay. Opp. 12th "NOBODY"- BY MEEK. GOOD MORNING. HAVE A CHfllß. I SEE YOU HAVE SOME poems to stu.. I WILL BUY THEM fILL. NOBODY!! WITH A POSTSCRIPT New Year's eve revels were at their height. Then a man with n pretoruuturally solemn face arose, wineglass in hand, to propose a toast. "May we never," he said in deep, measured tones, "drink more of this stuff —" He paused, and a horrified silence reigned for several seconds. " —than is good for us!" Then the revels broke loose again.—Chicago Tribune. HE KNEW Jinks (in street car) —I tell you, science proves that this world has four corners. Blink—Not so loud. Some trußt magnate might hear you and try to corner all the corners. °£?%e TEDDIDID3 3±P \^y &* @ZR.TOfi jgßAlJiy. Day by day the rumor shifts, Day by day the gossip drifts, What he does say—what he don't— "Teddy will—Teddy won't!" "Statesman" visits Oyster Hay, Leaves —and has a lot to say. 'Does he want It? No, he don't!" Teddy will!— Teddy won't: 'Does he spurn it? Xo, he don't!" 'Nother visitor comes back. ] . ADOIjF. Needless to say, Adolf is from Hie same village as Oagar. His beglnnfng. however, was not so humble. One feels a cer-, tain delicacy in touching upon 'lie origin of Adolf, since he has' Always refrained from using it I for advertising purposes. But! if the truth must out, here it ia: ! Adolf is of noble birth, 'ies, he' the son of the Lamlgrave of Schlaraffla. But that ia neither here nor there. (Indeed, nobody knows where it ig.) At any rate. Adolf was reared in the lap of luxury until he grew ao heavy that he slid off, and then came to this country. Thpy say ho wag exiled because he proved to <b» a failure as a courtier, going to sleep in the midst of some of the most splendid court func tions. Bu that as it may, he has brought into his daily vaudeville stunt with the agile and hl<h wtrung Oagar an impenetrable dlguity that is the despair of In ferior "slow time" comedlam who would imitate him. At hli very best Adolf ia the ombodl- WELL!! TALK ABOUT LUCK! WHfITS YOUR NAME. PLEfISE ? .Puts us on another track, Teddy will—Teddy won't! One sheet says, "He'll surely run, Opposition says, "He's done!" Do they know? Of course they don't, Teddy will —Teddy won't! Says the man—"T. R. will try." Teddy answers—"lt's a He!" Uo we know the truth—we don't, Teddy will —Teddy won't! ment of inertia, a perfect mol lusc. But do not get him aroused, ! because this is something not j often successfully done. Sky gack from Mars is one of the few 1 who can with any degree of con fidence claim the "short fat fel low's" goat. However, it is not so much that Adolf has the i Don't Care" spirit, but that he jis dilatory at repartee. He is | there with the "comeback" igener- I ally after everybody has gone. His torpidity also has the virtue of passing sometimes for discre tion. As Osgar says: "You can safely tell him anydings you i voult radder haf forgotten—he can'd remember noddings." As in the case of Osgar, Adolf, his performance over relapses Into his natural self. He is com ' pletely fresh after the maullngs received from Osgar, and »ings In the dressing room as he divests himself of the protecting rubber abdomen ami hickory shin guards. He has not suffered, and even his mental anguish, from the very nature of his temperament, Is painless. He is amiable after business hours and sometimes even animated. His relaxation Is grand opera and he will listen for hours to ambitious productions fjke "Lohengrin," contentedly ; ! eating peanuts all the while. "J I j Among his friends, who are le , gion and then some, Adolf is i known for a naive way of expr«as i ing himself. That is to say, he ' generally expresses himself ; .by ' freight. For instance, one* he had to run for a boat In order to , reach another city where he had ' an engagement to appear on the funny page. He just made the > boat, being pulled on (by the cap i tain as she swung clear. "Ton , had to sprint for it, didn't you?" > said the captain. "Yon are ' breathing hard." Adolf replied, • "No, captain, on der contrary, I iam pantlesß." However, In the > final analysis his meaning is al - ways plain, 'as In the case where i he speaks of apats as "rest* vfch - dey Tear on shoes." i Among other things Adolf, la i a loon vivant and a good Judge - of goose flesh. . HIM .STUNG, STIN'GKR. Wouldn't it be Jolly, Wouldn't it be fun To form a Leap Year party And settle on the one Whom you had always hated And fix him to be stung? Alas! they gave the party And had the girlies there. Some were blondes and some bru- nettes And some had wavy hair, But the funny thing about It, Tho "goat" escaped the snare. He "sicked" HER on the fellow Who gave the party thing, Get him in a corner Then watched him get the sting. And now he laughs all over, For he sold the "sting" a ring. Now 1b the time for all good players to come to the aid of their ball clubs and siign up. A Los Angeles man left an es tate of $1,000,000 with the pro viso that it should be used tor only as many of hla relatives and friends as needed assistance. Some sense to that. "Oh. let him come along," was the duk« of Oonnaught's answer when the name of Speaker Clark was mentioned as a possible din ner <vest. And then Americans kow-tow. A Detroit ma's poodle Vlog was taken to the laundry and narrow ly escaped going through the washing machine. That's the Hist dog we ever heard at so anxious to take a bath as nil that. IF HE OXI,V WILJi. Ah, sun, high in the heav'n. One favor grant us, do; When groundhog day comes rollin' round, Please, mister, just sklddoo. me DOCTOR. HAD OUST «iv« 4 TWO Bella to SO AHEAD YIHEH He HEARD A VOICE CALLIMGJ" IF V<, U CAM -STRIMfI OtANJ, CAM SOP Kit GLOVES?" h4E)CT CAR } A Kansas man has invented a clock which lights his lamp, hia fire anj toots a whistle when the tea kettle boils, thus awakening him when all is ready for break fast. That's our idea of a sensible invention. A wealthy New Yorker turned down a Leap Year proposal after saying he would accept the first girl who proposed to him. That girl didn't lose much. Bailey said, "Both man and womankind belie their nature when they are not kind." Seems as though the sage got that one twisted. Why Don't We Say Itf The world is searching every where for rubber, is a report. If it searched the cities it could find plenty. If the scenery doesn't suit you, don't grumble. Hike. The ground hog Isn't the only creature that Is afraid of his shadow. Men who are touchy about their "honor" don't generally have much. i I AHLK RKVISKI). A lion once invited a fox to visit him In his cave. | "I should be glad to call," said the fox, "but I have observed! that all the tracks are pointed to-! wards jour door, and there are! none leading away." "Pooh!" said the lion. "That phenomenon may be attributed to the great esteem in which I am| held by my guests. I treat them j so well that when they leave they| walk backward for a long distance! to show th«ir respect for me. You will meet a most delightful and distinguished company when you call." "If you will give me the names and addresses of a few of the sur- vlvors," answered tho fox, "I will call and see if their reports are satisfactory. If so, I will accept your invitation." Moral: Avoid invitations to wedding anniversaries and whist parties. The Usual Way. Hicks —That foreigner who is visiting the Parvenews claims to be a nobleman. Wicks—And the Parvenews are working the claim for all they are worth. Merely Exists. Ascuni--Tell me, whloh Is prop er. Would you say, "It Is possible for two to live on $10 a week," or "on $10 weekly " Wise —Well, I'd say. "It 1b pos sible for two to live on $10 a week weakly." One Harbinger. "I notice one harbinger of the New Year." "What is that?" "The 1012 models In automo bile jokeg are out." Friends and Foes Dear to me Is tho friend, yet can I make even my very foe do mo a friend's part. My friend shows me what I can do; my foe teaches me what I should do. —Schiller. Diversion nt the Fenst. "That Is a peculiarly fiery sauco you use.. Are you fond of It " "No," replied Miss Cumrox; "but we always have It put on the table. It Is bo amusing to see people take an overdose of It anil pretend they like it." A Suggestion. The restaurant manager stood behind the cashier's desk, wearing his stock-in-trade smile for each [customer. An old gentleman came up. "I notice,"said he, fumbling with his wallet, "that you advertise to make your own pies." "Yes, sir," answered the man ager proudly, "we do." "Will you permit me to offer a suggestion?" "Certainly, Bir; certainly. We should be most happy to have you." "Will, then, let some one make 'em." TODAY IN HISTORY Saturday, Feb. 1, 1562, Just 50 years ago today, Gen. U. S. Grant received a very welcome treat— i nstruc tiona from Gen. Hal lr>ck at St. Louis that he might move on Ft. Henry as lie had been eager to do for weeks. Grant had had experience with army officers be- fore, and fearful lest someone : higher up might change his mind. I'lyssps stood not on the order of his Koins. but went next morn ing even though it was Sunday. Pauline Chase, the Kngliah musical comedy star, has celebrat ed her 900 th performance of "Peter I'an," establishing a now record of actresses. SCANDINAVIAN AMERICAN BANK OF TACOMA This bank furnishes a ser vice that is prompt and sure, fair in its dealings, keen to learn the needs of its customers, and eager to make their in terests its own. We have every department known to banking, and our full resources of experience and equipment are at your disposal. We solicit your patronage on the broad ground of deserving it. Entered at 1 the postofflee at Tacotna, Wash., as second-class matter. :, Telegraphic?:"Service of United Press Association. ; 'i! • ■■' ■ Published Kvcrjr Evening Except Sunday by the Tocoma Times Publishing Company. In the Editor's Mail Everybody In Pierce county read* thia column, sti >rt letters from Times readers, of general Interest and without personal malice, will be printed. Write about anything or any body you with, bnt do not have malice as your motive. Many letters are not printed because Uiey ure too long. Keep 'cni •hort. Editor Tlmos: The so-called safe and pane element in the republican party with the aid of their papers are whooping it up for Taft from one end of the country to the other as a worthy successor to honest old AJbe. To show the consistency of that claim Taft says to trust the people to recall unfit judges would destroy the government. Here we have a clear exposition Workers of the World HV PBIER POWER.. SI.V-HOUK DAY IS MAKING PROGRESS. The six-hour workday with Sat urday as a holiday, or 80 hours of labor per week, may appear Uto pian to some workers who are still compelled to drudge 10 to 12 hours a day, but that Ideal condi tion Is not only no dream as far as some of the Indiana miners are concerned, but a good, husky de mand. As every new movement must start somewhere, the miner 3in the Linton (lnd.) field adopted resolutions in favor of a six-hour day and an effort will be made to secure an endorsement of the proposition from the entire organ ization and put the reform In force as quickly as possible. • • • GIVES BKTTKB CHANCE FOlt EMPLOYMENT, The Indiana miners say that, in view of the fact that practi cally all necessaries, comforts and kixtrtes of life are now being pro duced by machinery, labor is con stantly finding it more difficult to secure adequate and remunerative, employment, thus increasing the, competition for Jobs and tending, to lower wages or keeping them; stationary. So the minors want to divide up tlio work that is to be done in order that nobody will be com pelled to suffer. They demand the same wages for six hours' work that they now receive for eight hours and double pay for all over time, thus making unprofitable and forcing the abolition of all overtime work. * * • JEWISH PRINTERS HAVH SIIOIST llOL'ns. Speaking about the six-hour day (which will undoubtedly be-! come a very popular issue among' the well organized workers In the near future), it should be men-! tioned that the Jewish printers of New York work but five and one-! half hours a day, while those em ployed at night work only four hours. They have a minimum scale of $25 per week, and the Jewish printing establishments are In a prosperous condition at that. The German printers of New York have successfully Introduced a seven-hour workday, and the same- thing has been accomplished by a number of unions of English speaking printers in the west. • • * TYPOGRAPHICAL UNION UATTLK IS HAVING. A fierce fight for control of the International Typographical union Is impending, and it will create more excitement among the printers from now on until next May than this year's election of a president of the United States. Nominations for International officers will be made in February by the local unions on the whole North American continent. There SHOPPING BY THE telephone has made it possible to do shopping and marketing satisfactorily, and with comfort, economy and dispatch. Practically every £tore and shop caters to tel ftphone trade and p;l*>> special attention to tele phone orders, so that telephone buying has be come a habit with hundreds of thousands of people. When you want something that cannot be se (nired in your local shops, the Long Distance Service of the Bell System connects you with the biggest markets of the country, even though you are hundreds of miles away. SUNSET TELEPHONE & TELEGRAPH 00. Every Bell Telephone Is the Center of the System. how the president and his sir porters love and trust the people Now, allow me to quote from a speech of the martyred Lincoln on page 709, 1911 edition of the EncylopeJia Brlttanlca: "The people were the rightful masters," says Lincoln, ' of bota congress and courts, not to over throw the constitution, but to overthrow men who pervert the constitution." JOHN JlPßlt. Tacoma. will probably be but two sets of candidates. President Lynch and virtually all the officers of th» present administration will stand - for re-election, while the opposi tion will be led by Fred Barker of Spokane, Wash., for president; J. M. Duncan of New York, vloe pres ident, and Clifford Cobb of Cin cinnati, secretary-treasurer. It's a sin what the two parties among the printers are charging each other with. The Barkers claim they are "progressives," which the Lynchers deny, and charge that they are reactionaries who would destroy the policies that have made the I. T. U. great. Doth claim that the other side maintains an Inner organization— a wheel within a wheel—for the purpose of dictating the organiza tion affairs. The election occurs May 15, after which Taft, Harmon, Wilson. La toilette and the rest can have the center of the stage again. • • • There is general rejoicing among the building trades be cause the long war between the carpenters and woodworkers la over, the latter having agreed to consolidate with the former. Now an effort will be made to merge the Brotherhood and Amalgamated Carpenters, between which unions there haa been much bad blood. Akopfftopte Devils Lake may be put on the map with a splash If the plans of North Dakota democrats don't get mixed up at the Baltimore con v on t 1 on. Devils Lake be ing in North Da kota, and it la, furthermore, the I lace where Gov. oh n Burke hangs up his hat when at home, tiov. Burke wants to bs the running mate of whoever's named for president at Baltimore. He is aproduct of lowa — Keokuk co. was his boy hood home. Since then he has been a county Judge, representative and senator and governor In North Dakota. • • • Quong Wing, a Montana Chi nese laundryman, took a $10 case all the way up to the United States supreme court, only to lose out at last. Justice is always the highest expediency.—Wendell Phillips.