PAGE FOUR I MKMnr.H sof Tin scßirrs 9 northwest I LKACDK OF lUBWHrAPRHS. . TeW.raptatr Mm] ■ lirvli* of tfc* Oaltad Piui Ammm ttmttam hr Uml, ,* !.—■*« WlM.'»f>-;,,rjvw,,.,,,,,:- v .,,,-^. . .v...,:,,. ,« : Bmttrm* lat | th« ■ poaad-»-l«M Matter.. PitblUhrd fcr . tkr • Taerais Ttaie* ■ fab, C*. Bnf7 Event**, Except ■ Suadajr. Three Songs The brilliant, fashionably-clad audience roared an ovation to the great singer. She was unquestionably the best soprano in the world. The critic turned to his friend, the self-made millionaire, and said: "Did you ever hear any song more exquisitely rendered?" "Ye«," said the rich man, musingly, for he was touched by the Basic of what he had heard. "Yes," I have heard three greater singers." "I want to know," exclaimed the critic. "The first was years ago. The singer was plain of face and gray of hair and tired of body. There was much work to do and many little mouths to feed. I vas the youngest child, sick and cross. And that dear singer crooned to me a lullaby and I slept. It was a wonderful song. "The next was years ago. We had a little cottage. It was sum mer and the windows and doora were open. My wife was in the kitchen preparing supper. She was singing something about her true love coming home to her. It was for me. And that, too, was a wonderful song. "Some more years elapse. There Is a little toddler in the garden and she sings hesitantly something about daddy and his baby. "These are the three singers, my friend, who beat all your Tetrazlnnis." And the critic? Well, perhaps, the critic agreed with him. Smiles The editor said: "There's absolutely nothing in your big Idea from our angle." Then he explained a little bit and handed back the story with a smile. Now you needn't know how many weary smiles and hours that slain story stood for, because you'd feel sorry and nobody ought wil lingly to spread sorrow, but the smile as a first aid to hurt courage was the big thing. If you study smiles a bit, you find there are several kinds, even counterfeits, here and there. The smile that won't come off, for instance. It brings crowsfeet quickly, and the company smile hardens into a smirk. The professional smile gets awfully dingy in a little while, and the smile of duty has only the hope that it induces a habit of cheerfulness. But the real smile, that ripples across from wellsprlngs of kind and helpful and happy thoughts and honest good will and takes toll from every feature —what else can one do but respond to it with one's very best? Uses of Water j We are the most conservative people on earth. Bismarck., Man of Iron; and supporter of monarchy that he was, stood 30 years ago many years ahead of where our most . advanced .: statesmen stand • today. He declared that German industry could not prosper while a few men held a monopoly of transportation. Hence, he insisted on public i ownership of railways and the canalizing of all the rivers. Gradually the manufacturing towns grew up on the water fronts so that nearly all the heavy fright of Germany is moved by water at I one-tenth the cost of railroad transportation, while the average cost of all transportation, rail and water combined, is about one-third that of the United States. However, the Americans have not wholly neglected, their water resourcesthey have poured ten billions of water Into their railroad stock and bonds, about half of the whole! •"■;'. ■ f:\" •' V •- --..■- ■-- - - .-..-■ I When Sunset Comes " V: v T A pending bill In congress would retire government em ployes at 66, all except the legislators who may pass the bill. Half . the men ' and .women in England . who reach 65 die paupers and are buried - in ; potter's ■ field. .-.--..■-■-• .:.•:<. ■ ■ .:•;• -. Salaries of government employes, like the average wage in other callings, is small, cost of living Is high, and there is no terror like that of an unprovided old age. Wouldn't It be fine if all men and women who had lived straight and done their work as well as they could might rest at sunset without fear of want! "-i ; -;X* The Deaf Telephone -■', If anybody told you that deaf mutes are now enjoying long • telephone conversations about nothing in particular, like the rest of us, would you believe it? It's a fact, though. They press buttons that flash an electric alphabet at the other end of the line and get I the message better than ordinary folk. We can do about anything these days. ;- Observations > * MANY VACANT HOUSES in Tacoma with round holes through ' the windows indicate that parents should lay In a supply of shingles and use them—but not on the windows. OPPONENTS of UNION LABOR ' please note that nobody else 9ls I doing anything here )to hold up the eight-hour law. • ■"'■ WITH SEATTLE boosters announcing their city as the New York of the Pacific, the papers have to spoil things by telling about citizens in the business district chasing wild bear away from their .*. Back doors. THE TROUBLE with aviation. seems to be that as soon as an irlator becomes an expert he gets killed. : * ■ ■■".. '-: GONE '• i "That new cook I secured is certainly quiet," said Mr. Dubbs, happily. "One would never know she was about the place." -v : "She Isn't,", chimed in Mrs. Dubbs. "She left this morning." • V, * : ; .-.: THE FESTIVE SEASON ; Crawford— wonder ■ what Dorcas wanted with a Christmas tree? He hasn't any children. Crabshaw— wife insisted on having one for Fido.—New fork Times. _____ . jr^ NO WORRY ;.-£-/•. "My dear count," he groaned, "I'm very sorry for you. ,You are to marry my daughter—you were to have had $35,000 a —but the crash has come. I'm ruined now. How sorry I am, count!" fV.jAßut the count gave the New York man a reassuring slap on the tack. ■'.:•-■.:.•■- .;--. -..;.. ..-,v. ■, ■• ■:■;'■-, ...■•-•. ■,: : ;.. . .„: ■;..-; L " ■-•-• ■ "Oh, don't you worry about me, sir," he said, with an easy laugh. "With a title like mine," you know, I can find another heiress s tomorrow." V, . ;/■-•-,--':>.:'■•■ . .;. •■• ..--.. . : - , . ,-..: The Markets Three crates of loganberries, the first of the season, arrired yesterday, and sold at $4 a crate. Eggs and butter are the same ■a yesterday. , > Strawberries —Florin, $1.85 O 1; Kennewiok. $4 04:50. ; T»L«mon»^-$4.25©5'.^- «■•'-* ; Oranges—s2.2s, $3.24 and •1.35. --V>:.' „.'./ . '-T"■'■ '■: • ■ '■ California Grape Fruit—s3.so :©4.50.'V.-:-;::;;:^'-"^'.:;.,?. :A:- :■-.';■ * Asparagus—Washington, 8049 ft. Potatoes—s2s a ton. ■ Lettuce—sl.lo ©1.60. --, ;*I Turnips—sl@l.2s * sack. I*3^ Beet—ll ©12c. , Pork—UK 9V4^K«';;S Celery—9oc a 'do*.; ;,* $4.60 a •rate. Beeta—sl vsack.'...*. Onions— $1.65©8.85 box. Mweet potatoes—*tt« lb. editorial Page of Cfie Caconu Cimcs •'". '.■'■ Rhubarb — Horn* "»rowa,* 2c Ib. " „' . •■.- , ■•■;.■■ ; Carrots—sl sack. ■ ' '$'■', Cabbage—3He lb. ;>::-^ -< Spinach—9 Oe/SttSateW Chicken—l 3© 160 lb. ■;■! Oysters—s7.6o : p«r sack.' „* Clams—sl.9o sack, r Crabs— $1.50 ©1.75 dot. Button '-.:-i Washington, ; Creamery —29 © 20c. - v .--'r-:y ?.*,-; • "*■?-* ■tap »i Washington Ranch—22c. ■; WHOLESALE) i PRICKS."-' 1 /r.V J:.-;V-• w^ Feed.';-" ; • - ;.-;..;■ :-.^ Hay, $U@2o ton; oati, $42 ton; Si wheat, .: $35@36; »g shorts, 128.50 ton bran. 126.50 ton. 3'- j LAUGti AND GROW FAT DUTBURSTS OF EVERETT TRUE. IN I Mi: BARBER'S CHAIR. A big fat man stretched himself In a barber's chair. The barber, following the usual custom, soaked his face in a 212-degree towel while he whetted the razor. When he took the towel off the man in quired if he had a fork handy. "I am pretty sure my face is done, but if you have a fork handy you might stick it in and see," — Atchison Globe. When summer Is here and the weathr Is hot And everyone's hunting the shadiest spot. The girls, clad alluringly thin for the heat Are daintily, wondrously, perfectly sweet, And you say in your heart as each petticoat swirls, "Ah, summer is surely the season for girls!" When crisp winds succeed to the midsummer breeze, When people return from the mountain and seas, And maidens in tailor-mades gladden your eye As trigly and neatly they're passing you by, You say In your heart as you yield to their thrall, "The season for girls is assuredly fall." When coal bills go up and the mercury down, And snow falls on country and village and town, The heart of mankind into rhapsody stirs At sight of the girls in their loveliest furs, Aglow and alive from their toes to their curls—. Ah, winter is surely the season for girls! And then, when the crocuses peep from the ground And the pretty green grass starts to growing around, In satiny things and in colors divine The myriad maidens engagingly shine, And this is the song you are certain to sing— "The season for girls is assuredly spring!" BILL HAD HIS. Teacher (sternly)— Johnny, what is the matter with yew eyt? If you and Willie have been fighting again, I shall give each of you a good whipping! Johnny (with the victor's generosity)—Yes'm. But you needn't mind about Bill. He's had bis.—Judge. A CAPTIVATING CURL. "George says he loves that little curl over your right ear." 'I'm glad you told me that. I was just about to hang it on the other side."—Kansas City Journal. WORTH VISITING. "I understand they have some fine ruins In Egypt." "Yes; and they keep them in very good repair."—Washington Herald. A WEAK END PARTY KATHKK DISCOURAGING. Ardent Ix>ver—Dearest, when I gaze Into your soulful ey<*« J (eel myself transported into a higher sphere, and my heart cries out to you with a great yearning. Mis* Boston—Really? How Interesting!— Life. THE TACOMA TIMES. ■Jkl (^y>*flos*t><»i n. y., may 27.—the harlem hague hae had its first and last meeting it started out fine, but sum thing went wrong, and now the fethers of the dove of piece Is flying all over harlem mr. and mrs. Jacob bretz was the cause of the harlem hague i don't know Just what was the matter with the bretzes, 1 gess probly they had liven in one of them harlem flats so long it got on their nerves anyway, they got to telling what they reely thot about each uther, and then they begun hiok ing each uther with the house hold props, till blmeby there cer tenly wasent no place like the bretzes 1 home unless maby it mite be a bait game with ty cobb in it bimeby inr. bretz he got tired of laying awake nites thinking up things to anser back to his wife when she commenced In the morning, and he beat it he woul>t have gottten back to San tiago in time for Hobson to sink ler In the channel; and bo a seat n congress may depend on * 'lugged steam pump. "What's a hallucination, pa?" "Your ma's Idea that you won't be able to find the jam." Oouldn't Fool Jlinmie. Teacher—Away back in 1776, Washington was the nation's (Champion. Jimmie—Aw! Whatchu giving usT The Washington team never won the champeenahlp! There was a young woman In Haiti Who rejoiced In the cognomen Haiti; She weighed 200 lbs. In pajamas—bat she! She wa* not Ist that country thought waltl. "This has cost forty bucks?" says papa with a groan. "A trimmed hat, did you say? It was not trimmed alone. Though nicely trimmed the hat may be, U Is no better trimmed than me." a commltty seen mrs. bretz, and then the hole- gang doped out a skeam they got mr. bretc to name 3 trends for a arbitration board, aimd Mrs. bretz named 3, and the 6 was to pick anuther one, and then the 7 was to get to gether, having all the facts In the case, and then some, and deside who was in the wrong and what was to be did o, fine the bord held Its meetln one sundy afternoon In mrs. bretz's parler, they shut the foldln doors and then begun pullla the hague stuff. but you see the frends of mr. bretz was kind of stubbern and so was the frends of mrs. bretz in about 1-2 a hour the nabers in the flat below and the flat above begun callln up the janlter to ask who was bein murdered in the bretz flat 16 minutes later the Janiter went on the run after a cop before the cop could get there the meeting was adjurned, the sld« that lost the debate was on its way home and the side that won was brushing off its clothes and daring the uther side to come back and the bretzes is still maklnig faces at each uther Johny Bob Large: How many men work in your office? Dick Little: About half of them. One man was lying on the gravel with his head severed from his body. He was dead. —Dryden (Ont.) Observed. tlon Bennett Clark, son of the speaker aspirant for the presi dency, was cheered as Champ Junior. B en n c 11 was born in Pike co., Mo., near the lowa state line. * * • M r s. Martha Glewwe of St. Paul has, with the help of the supreme court of Minnesota, es tablisbed the " fact that a slick dime is "legal Pa: You don't amount to any thing. What'U you be when you grow up? Jimmy: I dunno. Probably iiothln' but a genius. Merrimac was only a collier and ordinarily ihistory does not worry about colliers. The broken down Merrimac so delayed tne flying squad ron that she was unable to "fly" back to Key Weßt. If they had reach- Bobby (asking his 100 th ques tion ): Where does the sea run to, aunty. Aunty (tired): Nowhere. It's tide. "A mummified dead cat found In a liiikhu drawer in room 1O at Mi' lleeleynport Houfte. Tli.-r.'d been complaint about that room, but nothln' wux tl>ouj(ht of it. Be nldes, there ain't no other hotel In •own." Best garden tools at Swing's. 1111 C it. ••• Scientist, Aged 80 Is Proud Father of Bouncing Twins DR. DAVID ALLYN GORDON, HIS WIFE AND THE SCIENTIFIC TWINS. oil | I.ASH, Ore., May 27. —In a letter to Mrs. Jbareine Helene Baker, prominent In eugenist cir cles, Dr. Gorton declared that he is now ambitious within the next fire yearn, under pro|»er esthetic surroundings and Influences, to have a daughter. NEW YORK. May 27. —It takes courage to get married at 80 years of age just to prove a theory in eugenics. Dr. David Allyn Gorton of Brooklyn had the nerve. Dr. Gorton had a theory as to the determining of the sex of children. Also he wanted a son to carry on his work. So he mar ried his stenographer, Miss Bertha Khebeln, with a view to proving his theory. Result: TWINS! One of them is a boy, so the doctor is satisfied. He says the theory is proved. The girl, he says, was just thrown in for good measure. THAT'S ODD Does T.R. Drink? He Pours It Down; Here's How the Story Leaked Out The agile reporter trekked to ward Oyster Bay In the gloam ing. In one hand was a cane. In the other hand he grasped a well sharpened lead pencil. Concealed In his high hat was a dictagraph. His spy glasses were slung from his shoulder. He was armed for a scoop. A demure maid, not too pretty, answered his ring. "Where is HE?" "At the barn," she whispered. "At the barn? Ah-h-h!" By the liight of the moon He walked deftly toward the equine bungalow. He reconnoftered carefully. He peeked through the window. Nothing doing. Too duty. He approached the door. He did not. even awaken the cat. He applied his ear to the key hole. He heard that familiar volcff from within the barn. "Cose, Boss!" It was the hero of San Juan Hill who spoke. The Journalist know the voice. It was a plead ing voice this time, and the word "boss" let a great light In on the brain of the journalist. "Can it be " he muttered. "The Boss! Is George W. Per itlns hereT Ah-h-h!" He opened the door. The glit ter of teeth in the light of a 'barn lantern greeted him. The Great Personage sat on a stool holding out a whisp of hay. A placid cow stood aloof, one foot !n a tin pail. "Come, Boss!!" repeated Theo dore. "Curses!" snarled the Journal ist. • • • "De-e-llghted," said Theodore, when the journalist had made himself known. "Zip-p-p-t," said the milk as it squirted into the tin pall, for the cow had become obliging. Ten minutes later Theodore and his guest were seated at the kitchen tablo. Theodore drank two beakers of milk before he spoke. "I like milk," he said. "Some times I drink five glasses for lun cheon. Other famous people drink milk. There's Sarah Bern hardt—" "And Charley Fairbanks," said the journalist. "B-r-," shivered Theodore. "Anyhow," he continued, "write a atory about this. It's good stuff. Some of my enemies are saying I'm Intemperate. It's a short and ugly word. I drink only milk. Tell your readers about It. It'll help me with the farmers." • • • AH of which arounts for the recent considerable publicity giv en to Roosevelt's habit of drluk liig large quantities of milk. Josh Wise Says: rtlIS-\%Tr*P BuslBCM Off Ire Slain 13. PHI IIM H S Oirt uLt lon l)«pt. JU«ln la. 1 IIV/IILIVJ Kdltorlal I»ept. Mala 704. OFFICE—776-778 OOMMBBCK ST. "It was a grave responsi bility at my age," says Dr. tJorton, "to become the father of a child. It was no hasty or ill-considered resolution, but a deliberate one, full of l>iirjn>-c and meaning; and I would have you believe that I was actuated by the highest and most exalted motives, in which my wife fully shared." Monday, May 27, 1912. OTHEHS IN CIiASS \\ I I'll DR. GORTON Dr. Harvey Wiley, 66, a son. Andrew Carnegie, 62, a daughter. Benjamin Harrison, 64, a daughter. John W. Province, Bt, twin girls (1911). Ambrose Calhound, 82 triplets (1908). Thomas Ludway, 89, a son (1908). The boy, whose advent made good the theory, is called Allyn, after bis venerable dad. He weighs six and a half pounds and is splendidly formed and in per fect health. The girl la called Leonora. She also weighs six and a half pounds, and she holds her own with her brother In appearance and health as well as in weight. Dr. Gorton has ideas as to the rearing of children as well as re gards the determining of sex, so the "experiment" in which these lilt I.' strangers figure may be said to have only begun as yet. The fond father will rear them with a view to making them samples of what the race will be in the fu ture when the science of eugenics lias come into its own. CHURCH TitlKS TO COMMIT SUICIDIG; HTAUH ITSEtiF For niroe than a century the tall steeple on the church on Town Hill, Hartford, Conn., with stood the wind and the various other elements of nature. But the other day It tried to with stand one windstorm too many. That was the time the roar and push of the wind was altogether too much for the church. The steeple snapped off, , and turning over In the air, was . driven through the church roof like a spear thrown by some aerial giant. It is expected that the church. will recover If the doctoring carpenters succeed In extracting the steeple. ■ 8 Loaves Good Fresh Bread ■^■•.-.•.-'jV' ' Every Day 10 CENTS (Bring this ad.) * HYGIENIC BAKERY * ,',v „•■■■■ 800 80. 17th St. YOUR ; Family Tree Can be preserved. Bring me the faded old picture ■; of ■• your grandparents. ' By >•• combining "Art and Photography" a beau tiful photograph or ■ enlarge ment can bo made from mere outlines. ":■-.-■'•...,.-■;•..■ ' L - -;• -'■■•■ HARRIKTTE ? IHRIG "Photographer to the Children" „; 00« , 1-3 Pacific , ay.,.. p^>|