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The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, May 27, 1912, Image 4

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PAGE FOUR
I MKMnr.H sof Tin scßirrs 9 northwest
I LKACDK OF lUBWHrAPRHS. . TeW.raptatr Mm]
■ lirvli* of tfc* Oaltad Piui Ammm ttmttam hr Uml,
,* !.—■*« WlM.'»f>-;,,rjvw,,.,,,,,:- v .,,,-^. . .v...,:,,. ,«
: Bmttrm* lat | th« ■ poa<ofrl<-F, . Timbu, W..b., ■■
••iH>ad-»-l«M Matter.. PitblUhrd fcr . tkr • Taerais
Ttaie* ■ fab, C*. Bnf7 Event**, Except ■ Suadajr.
Three Songs
The brilliant, fashionably-clad audience roared an ovation to
the great singer. She was unquestionably the best soprano in the
world. The critic turned to his friend, the self-made millionaire,
and said:
"Did you ever hear any song more exquisitely rendered?"
"Ye«," said the rich man, musingly, for he was touched by the
Basic of what he had heard. "Yes," I have heard three greater
singers."
"I want to know," exclaimed the critic.
"The first was years ago. The singer was plain of face and
gray of hair and tired of body. There was much work to do and
many little mouths to feed. I vas the youngest child, sick and
cross. And that dear singer crooned to me a lullaby and I slept.
It was a wonderful song.
"The next was years ago. We had a little cottage. It was sum
mer and the windows and doora were open. My wife was in the
kitchen preparing supper. She was singing something about her
true love coming home to her. It was for me. And that, too, was a
wonderful song.
"Some more years elapse. There Is a little toddler in the
garden and she sings hesitantly something about daddy and his baby.
"These are the three singers, my friend, who beat all your
Tetrazlnnis."
And the critic? Well, perhaps, the critic agreed with him.
Smiles
The editor said: "There's absolutely nothing in your big Idea
from our angle." Then he explained a little bit and handed back
the story with a smile.
Now you needn't know how many weary smiles and hours that
slain story stood for, because you'd feel sorry and nobody ought wil
lingly to spread sorrow, but the smile as a first aid to hurt courage
was the big thing.
If you study smiles a bit, you find there are several kinds, even
counterfeits, here and there. The smile that won't come off, for
instance. It brings crowsfeet quickly, and the company smile
hardens into a smirk. The professional smile gets awfully
dingy in a little while, and the smile of duty has only the hope that
it induces a habit of cheerfulness.
But the real smile, that ripples across from wellsprlngs of kind
and helpful and happy thoughts and honest good will and takes toll
from every feature —what else can one do but respond to it with
one's very best?
Uses of Water j
We are the most conservative people on earth. Bismarck., Man
of Iron; and supporter of monarchy that he was, stood 30 years ago
many years ahead of where our most . advanced .: statesmen stand
• today. He declared that German industry could not prosper while
a few men held a monopoly of transportation. Hence, he insisted on
public i ownership of railways and the canalizing of all the rivers.
Gradually the manufacturing towns grew up on the water fronts so
that nearly all the heavy fright of Germany is moved by water at
I one-tenth the cost of railroad transportation, while the average cost
of all transportation, rail and water combined, is about one-third
that of the United States. However, the Americans have not wholly
neglected, their water resourcesthey have poured ten billions of
water Into their railroad stock and bonds, about half of the whole!
•"■;'. ■ f:\" •' V •- --..■- ■-- - - .-..-■
I When Sunset Comes " V: v
T A pending bill In congress would retire government em
ployes at 66, all except the legislators who may pass the bill. Half
. the men ' and .women in England . who reach 65 die paupers and are
buried - in ; potter's ■ field. .-.--..■-■-• .:.•:<. ■ ■ .:•;•
-. Salaries of government employes, like the average wage in other
callings, is small, cost of living Is high, and there is no terror like
that of an unprovided old age. Wouldn't It be fine if all men and
women who had lived straight and done their work as well as they
could might rest at sunset without fear of want! "-i ; -;X*
The Deaf Telephone
-■', If anybody told you that deaf mutes are now enjoying long
• telephone conversations about nothing in particular, like the rest
of us, would you believe it? It's a fact, though. They press buttons
that flash an electric alphabet at the other end of the line and get
I the message better than ordinary folk. We can do about anything
these days. ;-
Observations
> * MANY VACANT HOUSES in Tacoma with round holes through
' the windows indicate that parents should lay In a supply of shingles
and use them—but not on the windows.
OPPONENTS of UNION LABOR ' please note that nobody else
9ls I doing anything here )to hold up the eight-hour law.
• ■"'■ WITH SEATTLE boosters announcing their city as the New
York of the Pacific, the papers have to spoil things by telling about
citizens in the business district chasing wild bear away from their
.*. Back doors.
THE TROUBLE with aviation. seems to be that as soon as an
irlator becomes an expert he gets killed.
: * ■ ■■".. '-: GONE
'• i "That new cook I secured is certainly quiet," said Mr. Dubbs,
happily. "One would never know she was about the place."
-v : "She Isn't,", chimed in Mrs. Dubbs. "She left this morning."
• V, * : ; .-.: THE FESTIVE SEASON
; Crawford— wonder ■ what Dorcas wanted with a Christmas
tree? He hasn't any children.
Crabshaw— wife insisted on having one for Fido.—New
fork Times. _____ .
jr^ NO WORRY
;.-£-/•. "My dear count," he groaned, "I'm very sorry for you. ,You are
to marry my daughter—you were to have had $35,000 a —but
the crash has come. I'm ruined now. How sorry I am, count!"
fV.jAßut the count gave the New York man a reassuring slap on the
tack. ■'.:•-■.:.•■- .;--. -..;.. ..-,v. ■, ■• ■:■;'■-, ...■•-•. ■,: : ;.. . .„: ■;..-;
L " ■-•-• ■ "Oh, don't you worry about me, sir," he said, with an easy
laugh. "With a title like mine," you know, I can find another heiress
s tomorrow." V, . ;/■-•-,--':>.:'■•■ . .;. •■• ..--.. . : - , . ,-..:
The Markets
Three crates of loganberries, the first of the season, arrired
yesterday, and sold at $4 a crate. Eggs and butter are the same
■a yesterday. ,
> Strawberries —Florin, $1.85 O
1; Kennewiok. $4 04:50. ;
T»L«mon»^-$4.25©5'.^- «■•'-* ;
Oranges—s2.2s, $3.24 and
•1.35. --V>:.' „.'./ . '-T"■'■ '■: • ■
'■ California Grape Fruit—s3.so
:©4.50.'V.-:-;::;;:^'-"^'.:;.,?. :A:- :■-.';■
* Asparagus—Washington, 8049
ft.
Potatoes—s2s a ton. ■
Lettuce—sl.lo ©1.60. --,
;*I Turnips—[email protected] * sack. I*3^
Beet—ll ©12c.
, Pork—UK 9V4<x>^K«';;S
Celery—9oc a 'do*.; ;,* $4.60 a
•rate.
Beeta—sl vsack.'...*.
Onions— $1.65©8.85 box.
Mweet potatoes—*tt« lb.
editorial Page of Cfie Caconu Cimcs
•'". '.■'■ Rhubarb — Horn* "»rowa,* 2c
Ib. " „' . •■.- , ■•■;.■■
; Carrots—sl sack. ■ ' '$'■',
Cabbage—3He lb. ;>::-^ -<
Spinach—9 Oe/SttSateW
Chicken—l 3© 160 lb.
■;■! Oysters—s7.6o : p«r sack.'
„* Clams—sl.9o sack, r
Crabs— $1.50 ©1.75 dot.
Button
'-.:-i Washington, ; Creamery —29 ©
20c. - v .--'r-:y ?.*,-; • "*■?-*
■tap
»i Washington Ranch—22c. ■;
WHOLESALE) i PRICKS."-' 1
/r.V J:.-;V-• w^ Feed.';-" ; • - ;.-;..;■ :-.^
Hay, [email protected] ton; oati, $42
ton; Si wheat, .: [email protected]; »g shorts,
128.50 ton bran. 126.50 ton. 3'- j
LAUGti AND GROW FAT
DUTBURSTS OF EVERETT TRUE.
IN I Mi: BARBER'S CHAIR.
A big fat man stretched himself In a barber's chair. The barber,
following the usual custom, soaked his face in a 212-degree towel
while he whetted the razor. When he took the towel off the man in
quired if he had a fork handy. "I am pretty sure my face is done,
but if you have a fork handy you might stick it in and see," —
Atchison Globe.
When summer Is here and the weathr Is hot
And everyone's hunting the shadiest spot.
The girls, clad alluringly thin for the heat
Are daintily, wondrously, perfectly sweet,
And you say in your heart as each petticoat swirls,
"Ah, summer is surely the season for girls!"
When crisp winds succeed to the midsummer breeze,
When people return from the mountain and seas,
And maidens in tailor-mades gladden your eye
As trigly and neatly they're passing you by,
You say In your heart as you yield to their thrall,
"The season for girls is assuredly fall."
When coal bills go up and the mercury down,
And snow falls on country and village and town,
The heart of mankind into rhapsody stirs
At sight of the girls in their loveliest furs,
Aglow and alive from their toes to their curls—.
Ah, winter is surely the season for girls!
And then, when the crocuses peep from the ground
And the pretty green grass starts to growing around,
In satiny things and in colors divine
The myriad maidens engagingly shine,
And this is the song you are certain to sing—
"The season for girls is assuredly spring!"
BILL HAD HIS.
Teacher (sternly)— Johnny, what is the matter with yew
eyt? If you and Willie have been fighting again, I shall give each
of you a good whipping!
Johnny (with the victor's generosity)—Yes'm. But you needn't
mind about Bill. He's had bis.—Judge.
A CAPTIVATING CURL.
"George says he loves that little curl over your right ear."
'I'm glad you told me that. I was just about to hang it on the
other side."—Kansas City Journal.
WORTH VISITING.
"I understand they have some fine ruins In Egypt."
"Yes; and they keep them in very good repair."—Washington
Herald.
A WEAK END PARTY
KATHKK DISCOURAGING.
Ardent Ix>ver—Dearest, when I gaze Into your soulful ey<*« J
(eel myself transported into a higher sphere, and my heart cries
out to you with a great yearning.
Mis* Boston—Really? How Interesting!— Life.
THE TACOMA TIMES.
■Jkl (^y>*flos*t><»i
n. y., may 27.—the harlem
hague hae had its first and last
meeting
it started out fine, but sum
thing went wrong, and now the
fethers of the dove of piece Is
flying all over harlem
mr. and mrs. Jacob bretz was
the cause of the harlem hague
i don't know Just what was the
matter with the bretzes, 1 gess
probly they had liven in one of
them harlem flats so long it got
on their nerves
anyway, they got to telling
what they reely thot about each
uther, and then they begun hiok
ing each uther with the house
hold props, till blmeby there cer
tenly wasent no place like the
bretzes 1 home unless maby it mite
be a bait game with ty cobb in it
bimeby inr. bretz he got tired
of laying awake nites thinking up
things to anser back to his wife
when she commenced In the
morning, and he beat it
he woul<dent come home neath
er, evry week he would eend mrs.
b. a pdeoe of change, but nix on
the show up
well, the bretzes they had a lot
of trends, verry nice harlem peo
ple, that thot It was too bad for
thoir home to be all busted up
like that, and so they begun try
ing to fix it up
a commltty seen mr. bretz and
OP COUIISE
Dr. Bang ia to speak at Port
land, Ore., between June 29 and
July 6. Yes, he'll be there July 4.
Reports are that the czar eatß
well, thereby proving he'a not on
the bomb.
Cynthia Grey will go down In
history as the greatest heartoonlst
in the American newspaper world.
Buffalo ad says: "Wanted,
chauffeur, married man with ex
perience." Imagine a married
man without experience.
Taft may be the favorite'son,
liut he's afraid Teddy is the prodi
gal son.
$sm]~ people
At the lowa democratic conven-
n nmr tender" for
B. CLARK. street car fare
There, it's sneaked In again—
that durned old joke about the
boy and the jam.
TODAY FHISTORY
May 27. 1898, the machinery
of the Merrimac broke down. The
el Key West, the Merimao would
n>>t have gottten back to San
tiago in time for Hobson to sink
ler In the channel; and bo a seat
n congress may depend on *
'lugged steam pump.
"What's a hallucination, pa?"
"Your ma's Idea that you won't
be able to find the jam."
Oouldn't Fool Jlinmie.
Teacher—Away back in 1776,
Washington was the nation's
(Champion.
Jimmie—Aw! Whatchu giving
usT The Washington team never
won the champeenahlp!
There was a young woman In
Haiti
Who rejoiced In the cognomen
Haiti;
She weighed 200 lbs.
In pajamas—bat she!
She wa* not Ist that country
thought waltl.
"This has cost forty bucks?"
says papa with a groan. "A
trimmed hat, did you say? It
was not trimmed alone. Though
nicely trimmed the hat may be,
U Is no better trimmed than me."
a commltty seen mrs. bretz, and
then the hole- gang doped out a
skeam
they got mr. bretc to name 3
trends for a arbitration board,
aimd Mrs. bretz named 3, and
the 6 was to pick anuther one,
and then the 7 was to get to
gether, having all the facts In the
case, and then some, and deside
who was in the wrong and what
was to be did
o, fine
the bord held Its meetln one
sundy afternoon In mrs. bretz's
parler, they shut the foldln doors
and then begun pullla the hague
stuff.
but you see the frends of mr.
bretz was kind of stubbern and
so was the frends of mrs. bretz
in about 1-2 a hour the nabers
in the flat below and the flat
above begun callln up the janlter
to ask who was bein murdered
in the bretz flat
16 minutes later the Janiter
went on the run after a cop
before the cop could get there
the meeting was adjurned, the
sld« that lost the debate was on
its way home and the side that
won was brushing off its clothes
and daring the uther side to come
back
and the bretzes is still maklnig
faces at each uther
Johny
Bob Large: How many men
work in your office?
Dick Little: About half of
them.
One man was lying on the
gravel with his head severed from
his body. He was dead. —Dryden
(Ont.) Observed.
tlon Bennett
Clark, son of the
speaker aspirant
for the presi
dency, was
cheered as
Champ Junior.
B en n c 11 was
born in Pike co.,
Mo., near the
lowa state line.
* * •
M r s. Martha
Glewwe of St.
Paul has, with
the help of the
supreme court of
Minnesota, es
tablisbed the
" fact that a slick
dime is "legal
Pa: You don't amount to any
thing. What'U you be when you
grow up?
Jimmy: I dunno. Probably
iiothln' but a genius.
Merrimac was
only a collier
and ordinarily
ihistory does
not worry
about colliers.
The broken
down Merrimac
so delayed tne
flying squad
ron that she
was unable to
"fly" back to
Key Weßt. If
they had reach-
Bobby (asking his 100 th ques
tion ): Where does the sea run
to, aunty.
Aunty (tired): Nowhere. It's
tide.
"A mummified dead cat found
In a liiikhu drawer in room 1O at
Mi' lleeleynport Houfte. Tli.-r.'d
been complaint about that room,
but nothln' wux tl>ouj(ht of it. Be
nldes, there ain't no other hotel In
•own."
Best garden tools at Swing's.
1111 C it. •••
Scientist, Aged 80 Is Proud
Father of Bouncing Twins
DR. DAVID ALLYN GORDON, HIS WIFE AND THE SCIENTIFIC
TWINS.
oil | I.ASH, Ore., May 27. —In a
letter to Mrs. Jbareine Helene
Baker, prominent In eugenist cir
cles, Dr. Gorton declared that he
is now ambitious within the next
fire yearn, under pro|»er esthetic
surroundings and Influences, to
have a daughter.
NEW YORK. May 27. —It takes
courage to get married at 80 years
of age just to prove a theory in
eugenics.
Dr. David Allyn Gorton of
Brooklyn had the nerve.
Dr. Gorton had a theory as to
the determining of the sex of
children. Also he wanted a son
to carry on his work. So he mar
ried his stenographer, Miss Bertha
Khebeln, with a view to proving
his theory.
Result: TWINS!
One of them is a boy, so the
doctor is satisfied. He says the
theory is proved. The girl, he
says, was just thrown in for good
measure.
THAT'S ODD
Does T.R. Drink? He Pours It Down;
Here's How the Story Leaked Out
The agile reporter trekked to
ward Oyster Bay In the gloam
ing. In one hand was a cane. In
the other hand he grasped a well
sharpened lead pencil. Concealed
In his high hat was a dictagraph.
His spy glasses were slung from
his shoulder. He was armed for
a scoop.
A demure maid, not too pretty,
answered his ring.
"Where is HE?"
"At the barn," she whispered.
"At the barn? Ah-h-h!"
By the liight of the moon He
walked deftly toward the equine
bungalow. He reconnoftered
carefully. He peeked through
the window. Nothing doing. Too
duty. He approached the door.
He did not. even awaken the cat.
He applied his ear to the key
hole. He heard that familiar
volcff from within the barn.
"Cose, Boss!"
It was the hero of San Juan
Hill who spoke. The Journalist
know the voice. It was a plead
ing voice this time, and the word
"boss" let a great light In on the
brain of the journalist.
"Can it be " he muttered.
"The Boss! Is George W. Per
itlns hereT Ah-h-h!"
He opened the door. The glit
ter of teeth in the light of a 'barn
lantern greeted him. The Great
Personage sat on a stool holding
out a whisp of hay. A placid
cow stood aloof, one foot !n a tin
pail.
"Come, Boss!!" repeated Theo
dore.
"Curses!" snarled the Journal
ist.
• • •
"De-e-llghted," said Theodore,
when the journalist had made
himself known.
"Zip-p-p-t," said the milk as it
squirted into the tin pall, for the
cow had become obliging.
Ten minutes later Theodore
and his guest were seated at the
kitchen tablo. Theodore drank
two beakers of milk before he
spoke.
"I like milk," he said. "Some
times I drink five glasses for lun
cheon. Other famous people
drink milk. There's Sarah Bern
hardt—"
"And Charley Fairbanks," said
the journalist.
"B-r-," shivered Theodore.
"Anyhow," he continued, "write
a atory about this. It's good stuff.
Some of my enemies are saying
I'm Intemperate. It's a short and
ugly word. I drink only milk.
Tell your readers about It. It'll
help me with the farmers."
• • •
AH of which arounts for the
recent considerable publicity giv
en to Roosevelt's habit of drluk
liig large quantities of milk.
Josh
Wise
Says:
rtlIS-\%Tr*P BuslBCM Off Ire Slain 13.
PHI IIM H S Oirt uLt lon l)«pt. JU«ln la.
1 IIV/IILIVJ Kdltorlal I»ept. Mala 704.
OFFICE—776-778 OOMMBBCK ST.
"It was a grave responsi
bility at my age," says Dr.
tJorton, "to become the father
of a child. It was no hasty
or ill-considered resolution,
but a deliberate one, full of
l>iirjn>-c and meaning; and I
would have you believe that I
was actuated by the highest
and most exalted motives, in
which my wife fully shared."
Monday, May 27, 1912.
OTHEHS IN CIiASS
\\ I I'll DR. GORTON
Dr. Harvey Wiley, 66, a
son.
Andrew Carnegie, 62, a
daughter.
Benjamin Harrison, 64, a
daughter.
John W. Province, Bt, twin
girls (1911).
Ambrose Calhound, 82
triplets (1908).
Thomas Ludway, 89, a son
(1908).
The boy, whose advent made
good the theory, is called Allyn,
after bis venerable dad. He
weighs six and a half pounds and
is splendidly formed and in per
fect health.
The girl la called Leonora. She
also weighs six and a half pounds,
and she holds her own with her
brother In appearance and health
as well as in weight.
Dr. Gorton has ideas as to the
rearing of children as well as re
gards the determining of sex, so
the "experiment" in which these
lilt I.' strangers figure may be said
to have only begun as yet. The
fond father will rear them with a
view to making them samples of
what the race will be in the fu
ture when the science of eugenics
lias come into its own.
CHURCH TitlKS TO COMMIT
SUICIDIG; HTAUH ITSEtiF
For niroe than a century the
tall steeple on the church on
Town Hill, Hartford, Conn., with
stood the wind and the various
other elements of nature. But
the other day It tried to with
stand one windstorm too many.
That was the time the roar and
push of the wind was altogether
too much for the church. The
steeple snapped off, , and turning
over In the air, was . driven
through the church roof like a
spear thrown by some aerial giant.
It is expected that the church. will
recover If the doctoring carpenters
succeed In extracting the steeple. ■
8 Loaves Good Fresh Bread
■^■•.-.•.-'jV' ' Every Day
10 CENTS
(Bring this ad.) *
HYGIENIC BAKERY
* ,',v „•■■■■ 800 80. 17th St.
YOUR ;
Family Tree
Can be preserved. Bring me
the faded old picture ■; of ■• your
grandparents. ' By >•• combining
"Art and Photography" a beau
tiful photograph or ■ enlarge
ment can bo made from mere
outlines. ":■-.-■'•...,.-■;•..■ ' L -
-;• -'■■•■ HARRIKTTE ? IHRIG
"Photographer to the Children"
„; 00« , 1-3 Pacific , ay.,.. p^>|

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