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■■■■nip or rps sowppg mobthwbst KSotWor WKWSPAWBM. "M*nr.i,»>lc Ham ISrrln or the l»l« rd rV— A ■■»««■ I lon bjr tltmtt I Batrrv* at tlw M'HWw, Taran, \Va«h., n» <■■«■ f JjMI Milrt. Pul.Uahed iHr tte \Til ■— ■ raiMr Pn». Co. ITi !■!■ ■!■ Braataa; lm»t »MM<«r- ft Won't Work Now It's the same old gam© of political bunk. Worked by the same old gang of political trick sters. They expect to get away with the people in the same old way. But will they I The republican platform of 1912 is the greatest effusion of superheated atmosphere since the uni verse cooled off and became inhabited. It is supremely ridiculous. "The republican party assembled by its repre sentatives in the national convention declares its Unchanging faith in government of the people, by .the people and for the people." Ye Gods! For two solid weeks every subterfuge and trick and bludgeon of power has been used by the Taf t ma chine to prevent rule either of, by or for the people. And then they come back with this scintilating climax of oratory from the lips of the immortal Lin coln. It's blasphemy on the memory of the great 'Emapcipator. Professing to venerate the name of Lincoln, the machine stands sponsor for Taft, with his Ballinger- Lurton record, and expects to cover up the fraud with fulsome verbiage and glittering rhetoric. Washington fought the crooked machine on its own ground, whipped it, and the boss-ruled Taft owned national committee turned down the people's 'delegates to save the president who said the people ;were not capable of self-government. California gave 77,000 majority against Taft and the bosses brush it aside and seat Taft men. Texas, Arkansas, down the line through a long list of thefts, the national committee, then the conven tion betrayed the people, then insulted their intelli gence by declaring for government of, by and for the people. The platform is a stump speech by a pettifog ging demagogue rather than a clear statement of principles. It plays upon catch phrases and words to de ceive the voters, but leaves a string to be pulled by the bosses to prevent government for the majority. It talks "conservation," but what about Ballin ger? what of Pinchot and Gla vis? It talks parcels post, but has a "proper regula tions" string to it with a zone system that will make tt possible to kill its effectiveness. It slobbers all over the tariff question, but fails |o tell of the broken promise of the past. It wants money loaned to farmers, but proposes to see to it that it is left for some private corporation to skin them in the game. It conjures with such popular terms as "public health," workmen's compensation, "short hours for women and children," but is going to see to it that "property rights" get what is coming to them, and ithe people know what Taft thinks is coming to them. Drunk with their own stolen power, the Taft crowd, working the same old boss scheme to control conventions, imagine they can palm off the same old gush on the people and get away with it for the essence of truth. Party idolitry has been shattered, party labels mean nothing today, and the party lash has lost both Its cracker and its sting. The convention should have made complete its fiasco by one sane moment at the close long enough to quote one other axiom from the great "first leader of the party," to-wit: "You can fool all the people some of the time; some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." And the time has come when William Howard Taft has lost his power to fool many of the people any of the time. Observations SgpfimWrnr the state , bankers and the state Christian Endeavorers In Tacoma this week and the state federation of women last week Ta coma ought to begin to be recognized aa.the convtMion city. SjH^sp*"^'""f-Ji^'-r^^^KMv-— '■ ——";■■•-■ ,-■■<■■ ■■.-■•■ ■-'.'-.- ■.■■'■- ';-: W&& FOUR years ■ ago ! the republican ? convention v declared * against ||« acting | senators sby the people and I the, people < forced .if this yeai the convention says no on recall of Judge*, and the people will run •ver the party again. ■••","f'*?-.'■'.■' ;■"•-*> •-■-•-.-.■•-■..". .-■--■- ,•:■. ..■.■...-.■ jigg:" => . ■•:' •' '" ** ' ',-• :'■'-■■■■■' ■'.■'-■ - /■•/"-/,.'■ ',:' ;; gPttITHE t Tacoma school \ mam fls rushing ; back i east to spend her ®. vacation, - and ; the ' eastern ■ school teacher, Is: rushing to the .west' (01 Ibe same purpose. TKDI>r ROOSEVELT'S strenuous disposition » asserts itself in » C'«n r the | names of | his I followers. *S; The : very , mention 'of • Johnson i and |^S cGovern brings y visions of*, battle. ;., -^ H>; ■«■■■•.:■'■ . :,- V| i:^ ; ; . WHATEVER happens, ,* It *is ; comforting to ;■ know that ' without ;me presidential primary we should never hare known what Bill and (teddy really think of each other. ' -:r -....■-.., ■•"•',- •#*;.;.•;;,-•.- iv-;;'-V':': • ; . ■H:'^ W^m IN pardoning ; those. Oregon : land : fraud . fellows, Cousin Bill Taf asls carefully pulling out gamecock;Heney*s;lovely tail feathers • '.< - $mmms^£*m?Aww' •■■■■■ '•;-•■"■ --- >---.-.^->^.-- •••■..,- •■ THK FABLK OF THK ELEPHANT AND THE LADY Onre an Elephant was talking to a lady.:."<V i; .;■ v.:,- - ;'. J .": *-' '■. t' .;'. "I am;, the boss of nil th« animals," said the Elephant. :< "I ;am the biggest, the strongest and the most intelligent.v I can crush any animal that resists me." -->•■ ■■"-.*-■■ ■•■ > ■-■■: i %'f<V~ "And I," sald t the i Lady, . "am the Boss ' of. man, who - makes you ■•'ftiiml. timber* for him. 'I can twist man around my little finger and • frighten , him ,to death if .he conies} borne j late." '^S'--^s^ri>miisriy^ "Then," said the ! Elephant, "we j are the rulers of everything." "Yes." replied the,Lady,;.;,'we can make them all Toe the Line." ;, m Just "then: a mouse ran across , the ' floor.'^sS|^p«ffijfesß®ff%*i raß^RwiUjCy. shrieked and climbed a chair and the Elephant trump- B «ted and' nearly shook down the building In j his fright. .'• .'V > wx- MURAL: There's i way* i something. i, «M*a& W& *. editorial Paa.c of Cfte Cacotna €imes A COLUMN OF SMILES Patient — Iv got stomach trouble. Doctor—Why don't you diet? Patient—What color? "Lots to learn on a ship, Jack? 1 "Plenty. Even the ropes hare to be taut." A SAFE INVESTMENT Bill Jones was a resident of Baltimore who, notwithstanding an impediment in his speech, prospered in his business as a broker, says Harper's Magazine. He moved to New York city and propped even more. A friend from Baltimore called on him one day and after some familiar conversation, remarked: "I say. Bill, It seems to me that you stutter worse here in fT«w York than you did in Baltimore." "V-v-v-very 1-1-likely; it's a b-b-blgger city." "But I say. Dill, you haye made a lot of money here and -I want your advice. I have sold almost everything I had in Balti more and I have the cash in my pocket. I want you to tell me how to invest my money to the best advantage. I have even mortgaged my house and have the money here. What would you advise me to buy for a good, safe investment?" "B-b-buy the m-m-mortgage," replied Bill. A FAMILY LIKENESS MRS. RUSTIC: What a pretty little girl; and she has eyas Just like her mother. THKIIK WAS A KKA&ON "It's all rery well for you to preach economy," said his wife; "but I notice whenever I cot dowa expenses that you smoke better cigars and spend more money for your own pleasure than at any other time." "Well, confound it' What do you suppose I want you to *cobo mize for, anyway?" Grocer: I hear your father's going west. Does he Intend to set tle there? Willie: Nope; just going to have things charged same as here. THE MONEY GETTER He never romps the children on his knees. It's all the same to him if skies are gray. To him a shady oak is Just a tree. A holiday is Just a wasted day. He doesn't know a thing of laughing streams, On fishing trips he's ne'er been known to go, He never builds a castle in his dreams, But people say he gets the money, though. He seldom spends an evening with his books, He's never read the masters of the past; He only knows two speeds—the slow and fast. And by choice he always takes the last. The finer shades of manhood reach him not, The sweeter depths of life he doesn't know; He seems to have no secret sacred spot, But people say he gets the money, though. He cannot talk of music or of art. He never gave a rose bush, any care; His life is spent forever on the mart Where only cries of commerce fill the air. But be can talk of dollars with a will, His eyes grow bright if you but mention gold, 'Tis true he fills his money bags, but still, I'd rather keep uiy day dreams and grow old. —Detroit Free Press. THE TAOOMA TIMES. Son: I always wear a blue tie to match my eyes. Dad: Buy a soft hat, .too. 2fcst" J &ytWi& The troubles that trouble us most are thoee> that never quite reach us. f'. After "Wlshln* Ring" at »©& to 1 won at Latonla race track everybody in the betting ring was wishing wishw» for another such chance. ;*V •>-*. v,. ■': A longshot winner Is a sure shot loser in the end. "Ira a self-made madie," said the proud individual. "Well, you are all right, except as to your head," commented the listener. "How's that?" "The part you talk with is too big for the part you think with." "I wouldn't try to be a fool," exclaimed the angry party of the argument. "Huh! You don't hare to TRY!" It Is usually the man who doesn't have to try who tries the hardest to make a fool of him self. There's more fun nominating a road supervisor at a township mass convention than naming a president at a national conven tion. ."Have you noticed how clear the horizon is?" "Yes, I Just swept it with my eye." A Selling Game With a wild look In his eyes the man grabbed his green satchel and rushed through the street. A dozen other follows followed. "Discovered!" the wild-eyed one snouted for the eighty-third time. "What? When? How? Who?" gasped the pursuing mob. "Thfl greatest bargain in double action, automatic, self-re volving collar buttons," shouted the pursued as he stopped and opened the green satchel. But nine determined men picked him up and firmly dusted the sidewalk with him. No, Angelina, the two-thirds rule squabble isn't a continuation of the third Wna scrap. Themlstoklels Haralainpos Pa pakyriakopoulous applied for nat uralization papers at Chicago re osntly. Theb-etc. H. Papa-etc. has asked Chicago citizens to sug gest a good American name with a slight Grecian flavor to it for him. OUR PRNCISK ARTIST "A very absorbing article on a hard subject." Money doesn't count for so much after all. Dr. L. H. Early, the Philadel phia millionaire, who died from cancer, had offered $1,003,000 for a cure. Salesman—Now, here, madam, is a piece of goods that opeata for itself. I— Customer—Then suppose you keep quiet for a moment and five It a chance. TEACHER—Heat asoendu and cold descends. Can you tell me why? JIMMY—I don't believe it's so. TEACHER—Why? JIMMY—I got a cold id by head dia bordlg ad the doctor says it's 'cause I got my feet wet yesterday. Most every town that you may know Has other towns to jeer at, For Gotham says Chicago's slow, Chicago loves to sneer at Milwaukee's way; Milwaukee smiles At Oahkosh folks and faces. And Oshkosh ridicules the styles In various smaller place*. Detroit on Kokomo looks down - And Boston hoots at "Phillle," M«w Orleans Jests at Frisco town, Which laughs at Oakland x shrilly. Bach city has a little joke, Its bon mot, coarse or brainy, For even Plttsburg, full of smoke, Pokes fun at Allegheny. And so It goes clear down the way With smiling Yankee unction. The Tillage calls the hamlet "jay," The hamlet hoots the junction, And you may look both far and near And you'll discover no town So small or slow that It won't jeer its neighbor as a "Joe" town! He Owns 260,000 Acres And Looks Like Bryan One of the'delegates to the re cent - Northwestern IV\r!<>|Uiii'iit <'<«Mjtr«'s'- held in Seattle, watt Col. "UiH" Hosier of « -iilihl Oregon. He looks like William Jennings Bryan; , but that's the. !ea»t Im portant thing about the Colonel.. The most Important thing is that he is a FARMER.* -'. * The colonel ■ is ' estimated - to own! 260,000 acres in Central Oregon. -< mated" Is used conservatively.. You , know to ; a fraction of an inch the. dimen sions of the ! lot on which your house stands!': The colonel has to estimate his farm. H. hi: Col. "Hill" cuts 20,900 tons of hay every year. The funny thing about the col onel Is that he. is a poet. I don't mean he writes verses. Imagine a poet knowing all about manure, fertilizer, alternate crops, soils, intensive culture and market prices! The colonel is that kind of a poet. • • - "The farmer aces big," said Col. "Bill." The city man sees small. When you ask a real es tate man in the city if times are good, he tells you how many su burban lots he has sold, in the past month. That is seeing small. . "I ( learned to see big on a mountain. I was above the tim ber line. The world - was . be neath me— timber, for build- Ing houses; beyond, grazing land, where sheep and cattle were feed ing; farther away, farms; and far, far away the cities. I saw all life from that' mountain. p. ' "It is a natural instinct to herd. Cattle live in herds, birds in flocks, fish in schools and men in cities. But with men the in stinct Is wrongfully directed. Your cities are . too big; they grow too fast. "It makes me tiw-d to hear city men ln«iisi of the size, in popula tion of (ln'lr cities. How are you n. .jr.,.- June 24. —a bunch of ackters and press agints was set tin around In the fryers' club, cussln the hot wether, when in come raymun hitchcock • ,'' -, he dtdent say a word to no boddy, he went over and laid down on a sofy, and he called a bellboy, and he sed .. , boy, bring me a segar all the uther fryers that was plpin him off turned pail ' and looked at one anmther - they all knowed that raymnnd hitchcock dont smoke, and they feared sunithlnt; had gone rong with his noodle wot shall we do with the poor boob, whispers Jujlyan elting to gorge, cohen - better not do nothing, ansers cohen, he mite get vilent and bite sumboddy, 1 suppose the heat has afeckted his branea" so they all stood watchln, and the boy come back with the segar, and he give it to hltchock - raymund he took it, and he looked at it, and he smelted of it, and he holered to the boy, bring mo*a match the boy brung. him a match, and raymund he lited the segar, and he puffed away at it till it was about 1-4 gone, and then he dropped it on the flore, - and ho groned terrible, and put his hands on his stummick, and asked would sumboddy please bring him. some water ■ as , lie seemed to be harmless, the uther \ guys gathered around and give him a drink, and asked him what was his I idea, was he ' payin a bet, or trying to commit suaside, or just plain crazey as soon ,as raymund got over the idea that he wag going to die be ees, fellers, line up agenat it .. ,my I wife . she has got a hole orcherd of rose bushes- up at our place in the country, and she ses the only way to keep the buggs from killing them, is for me to kill the - buggs ■-- wit S tobacker smoke ::" -■•,., ■-'}' '.;;:.•'.V£..v-- ■■"...•' - - beleave me, he < moans, ■1 ' dont wonder the buggs dies, they j alnt the ■ only things 7 that < tobacker YOUR Family Tree Can be preserved. Bring me the faded old picture of your grandparents. By combining "Art and Photography" a beau tiful photograph or enlarge ment, can be made from mere outlines. HABRIOTTK IllltlC "Photographer to the Children" DOO 1-2 PacMc ay. z& Strs. t Indianapolis^ I& ? and Ohippewa -■- Th« fat teat and (In eat § day tlum«m. on ' th» coa*L ...■■.<.--1, ■ BinilT BODND TRIPS I>AII.» l*av«a i Tacoroa - from m tin nicipal Dock at 7:00, 1:00, 11:90 a. *m t 1:09. w 1:09. . »:0«, ": 7:00 »:00 p. m. »' Lnvi Seattl* I from ' Colmaa ooak. 7:00. » »:00, 11:00 Ka. m.. ; l.flO. 1:00. 1:04, 7.00 »:00 p. m. ;.!'« •"■OMB < rAitfa- M ~.- ; » , .. . HOUND TRIP SO. -"■^/-J Sj A «!»•■« E»#rr Two Roan. ' U. K. I'URCICI.I, tint Pboa* Main 1440 phones Editorial l)e|t. M«in 704. IllVllfiy,, Editorial Dept. M»M» 7»4. — 770-719 ; COMMERCE IMC.', " COL. "BILL" HANLEY going to-inventotry, by people, the worth of a city? A man is worth the g difference between what he produces and what he de stroys. If lie destroys more than he produces, he it* a dead weight, it loss, a lump. To »ay that there tire in Seattle 300,000 persons may mean much and it may mean nothing. <:You have too many useless men in the cities. The real es tate man is a parasite. "£he out of-work is a dead loss. ~ «>;::-• "Man's mania for crowding has produced two slums —one at the bottom and one at the top. In the bottom slums folks don't get enough to eat. In the top slum folks have more money than they can spend, money they didn't earn. I feel as sorry for th« folks in one as for the folks iv the other. I wish they could see this world as I have seen It from the top of a mountain." SmiIKO Will Kill wot am i to do, oh wot am I to do, he moans all the uther fryers snuck away and left htm alone. In his ino//.t»ry, the single ones was Bnickerln and tho marrld ones was wlshin they could offer him some cheerln words, but they dident kuow none to of.vr him joliuy Go East This Month The Pares Are Very Low and the Service Very High Class 1/ You Travel Over the 0.-W. R. & N. O.S.L.and Union Pacific Here are a few of the advantages of choosing this route in making your trip East: Steel Coaches and Electric Block Signals protect you all the way. Oil Burning Locomotives mean no cinders to bother you. A Perfect Road Bed makes your train sniooth running. Perfect Cuisine and Service and Polite Employes contribute moat materially to the pleasure of your journey. Electric Lighted Trains, Electric Lighted Berths, through Sleeping Car Sendee to Chicago. In traveling East over the 0.-W. R. & N. you havo the advantage of the beautiful scenic route along the Columbia River as well as through Colorado; ALSO you pass through more large cities than you do if you take any other route. Let us help you plan yo\ir trip. ROBERT LEE District Passenger Agent. Tel. Main 388. National Realty Bldg., Tacomai All trains arrive at and depart from Tacoma at Union Depot. Monday, June 24,1912. , Driven Oft » Terror. ■. The 'chief, executioner ol death la the winter and spring month* is pneumonia. Its advance agents are colds and grip. lit any at tack by one of these maladies no time should be lost la taking the beet medicine obtainable to drive , It off. Countless thousands have found this to be Dr. King's New , Discovery. "My husband believes it has kept him from having pneu monia three, or four times," writes . Mrs. George W. Place, Rawsonville, Vt., "and for coughs, colds and croup we have never found Its equal." Guaranteed for all bronchial affections. Price 50 cts. and $1.00. Trial battle free at Ryner Malstrotn Drug Co., 38 Pacific at . Tacoma ladles are all excited over the Times' free tickets to the Empress Theater. They are searching ' the classified pages and three ladies each night find themselves to be the lucky ones. PRINCESS THEATER Main 7760 Bernstein's Great Piny "SAMSON" Prices3oc, 30c, .We Bargain Matinee Wednesday and Saturday, 10c and 25c. High Life in Jail , Five Other Big Special Acts PANTAGES THEATER Special Feature Vaudeville \. Best Vaudeville in Town MA Night at the Edelweiss" —People— Five Other Big Acts * Olympia Boat The New Steamer NISQUALLY Leaves Municipal Dock Dally at 9 a. m. and 3 p. in. The 8:00 p. m. Trip Connect* for Bhelton. returning Leaves Olympia 12:15 p. m. and 6:00 p. in. MAGNOLIA —Leave* Olyrapl* for Tacoma and Seattle 7:10 a B. Phone Ma Id (SO*.