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The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, June 24, 1912, Image 4

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn88085187/1912-06-24/ed-1/seq-4/

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■■■■nip or rps sowppg mobthwbst
KSotWor WKWSPAWBM. "M*nr.i,»>lc Ham
ISrrln or the l»l« rd rV— A ■■»««■ I lon bjr tltmtt I
Batrrv* at tlw M'HWw, Taran, \Va«h., n»
<■■«■ f JjMI Milrt. Pul.Uahed iHr tte \Til ■— ■
raiMr Pn». Co. ITi !■!■ ■!■ Braataa; lm»t »MM<«r-
ft Won't Work Now
It's the same old gam© of political bunk.
Worked by the same old gang of political trick
They expect to get away with the people in the
same old way.
But will they I
The republican platform of 1912 is the greatest
effusion of superheated atmosphere since the uni
verse cooled off and became inhabited.
It is supremely ridiculous.
"The republican party assembled by its repre
sentatives in the national convention declares its
Unchanging faith in government of the people, by
.the people and for the people."
Ye Gods!
For two solid weeks every subterfuge and trick
and bludgeon of power has been used by the Taf t ma
chine to prevent rule either of, by or for the people.
And then they come back with this scintilating
climax of oratory from the lips of the immortal Lin
coln. It's blasphemy on the memory of the great
Professing to venerate the name of Lincoln, the
machine stands sponsor for Taft, with his Ballinger-
Lurton record, and expects to cover up the fraud
with fulsome verbiage and glittering rhetoric.
Washington fought the crooked machine on its
own ground, whipped it, and the boss-ruled Taft
owned national committee turned down the people's
'delegates to save the president who said the people
;were not capable of self-government.
California gave 77,000 majority against Taft
and the bosses brush it aside and seat Taft men.
Texas, Arkansas, down the line through a long list
of thefts, the national committee, then the conven
tion betrayed the people, then insulted their intelli
gence by declaring for government of, by and for the
The platform is a stump speech by a pettifog
ging demagogue rather than a clear statement of
It plays upon catch phrases and words to de
ceive the voters, but leaves a string to be pulled by
the bosses to prevent government for the majority.
It talks "conservation," but what about Ballin
ger? what of Pinchot and Gla vis?
It talks parcels post, but has a "proper regula
tions" string to it with a zone system that will make
tt possible to kill its effectiveness.
It slobbers all over the tariff question, but fails
|o tell of the broken promise of the past.
It wants money loaned to farmers, but proposes
to see to it that it is left for some private corporation
to skin them in the game.
It conjures with such popular terms as "public
health," workmen's compensation, "short hours for
women and children," but is going to see to it that
"property rights" get what is coming to them, and
ithe people know what Taft thinks is coming to them.
Drunk with their own stolen power, the Taft
crowd, working the same old boss scheme to control
conventions, imagine they can palm off the same old
gush on the people and get away with it for the
essence of truth.
Party idolitry has been shattered, party labels
mean nothing today, and the party lash has lost both
Its cracker and its sting.
The convention should have made complete its
fiasco by one sane moment at the close long enough
to quote one other axiom from the great "first leader
of the party," to-wit:
"You can fool all the people some of the time;
some of the people all of the time, but you cannot
fool all of the people all of the time."
And the time has come when William Howard
Taft has lost his power to fool many of the people
any of the time.
SgpfimWrnr the state , bankers and the state Christian Endeavorers In
Tacoma this week and the state federation of women last week Ta
coma ought to begin to be recognized aa.the convtMion city.
SjH^sp*"^'""f-Ji^'-r^^^KMv-— '■ ——";■■•-■ ,-■■<■■ ■■.-■•■ ■-'.'-.- ■.■■'■- ';-:
W&& FOUR years ■ ago ! the republican ? convention v declared * against
||« acting | senators sby the people and I the, people < forced .if this yeai
the convention says no on recall of Judge*, and the people will run
•ver the party again. ■••","f'*?-.'■'.■' ;■"•-*> •-■-•-.-.■•-■..". .-■--■- ,•:■. ..■.■...-.■
jigg:" => . ■•:' •' '" ** ' ',-• :'■'-■■■■■' ■'.■'-■ - /■•/"-/,.'■ ',:' ;;
gPttITHE t Tacoma school \ mam fls rushing ; back i east to spend her
®. vacation, - and ; the ' eastern ■ school teacher, Is: rushing to the .west' (01
Ibe same purpose.
TKDI>r ROOSEVELT'S strenuous disposition » asserts itself in
» C'«n r the | names of | his I followers. *S; The : very , mention 'of • Johnson i and
|^S cGovern brings y visions of*, battle. ;., -^ H>; ■«■■■•.:■'■ . :,- V| i:^
; ; . WHATEVER happens, ,* It *is ; comforting to ;■ know that ' without
;me presidential primary we should never hare known what Bill and
(teddy really think of each other. ' -:r -....■-..,
■•"•',- •#*;.;.•;;,-•.- iv-;;'-V':': • ; . ■H:'^
W^m IN pardoning ; those. Oregon : land : fraud . fellows, Cousin Bill Taf
asls carefully pulling out gamecock;Heney*s;lovely tail feathers • '.< -
$mmms^£*m?Aww' •■■■■■ '•;-•■"■ --- >---.-.^->^.-- •••■..,- •■
Onre an Elephant was talking to a lady.:."<V i; .;■ v.:,- - ;'. J .": *-' '■.
t' .;'. "I am;, the boss of nil th« animals," said the Elephant. :< "I ;am
the biggest, the strongest and the most intelligent.v I can crush any
animal that resists me." -->•■ ■■"-.*-■■ ■•■ > ■-■■: i
%'f<V~ "And I," sald t the i Lady, . "am the Boss ' of. man, who - makes you
■•'ftiiml. timber* for him. 'I can twist man around my little finger and
• frighten , him ,to death if .he conies} borne j late." '^S'--^s^ri>miisriy^
"Then," said the ! Elephant, "we j are the rulers of everything."
"Yes." replied the,Lady,;.;,'we can make them all Toe the Line."
;, m Just "then: a mouse ran across , the ' floor.'^sS|^p«ffijfesß®ff%*i
raß^RwiUjCy. shrieked and climbed a chair and the Elephant trump-
B «ted and' nearly shook down the building In j his fright. .'• .'V > wx-
MURAL: There's i way* i something. i, «M*a& W& *.
editorial Paa.c of Cfte Cacotna €imes
Patient — Iv got stomach
Doctor—Why don't you diet?
Patient—What color?
"Lots to learn on a ship,
Jack? 1
"Plenty. Even the ropes hare
to be taut."
Bill Jones was a resident of Baltimore who, notwithstanding
an impediment in his speech, prospered in his business as a broker,
says Harper's Magazine. He moved to New York city and propped
even more. A friend from Baltimore called on him one day and after
some familiar conversation, remarked:
"I say. Bill, It seems to me that you stutter worse here in fT«w
York than you did in Baltimore."
"V-v-v-very 1-1-likely; it's a b-b-blgger city."
"But I say. Dill, you haye made a lot of money here and -I
want your advice. I have sold almost everything I had in Balti
more and I have the cash in my pocket. I want you to tell me how
to invest my money to the best advantage. I have even mortgaged
my house and have the money here. What would you advise me to
buy for a good, safe investment?"
"B-b-buy the m-m-mortgage," replied Bill.
MRS. RUSTIC: What a pretty little girl; and she has eyas
Just like her mother.
"It's all rery well for you to preach economy," said his wife;
"but I notice whenever I cot dowa expenses that you smoke better
cigars and spend more money for your own pleasure than at any
other time."
"Well, confound it' What do you suppose I want you to *cobo
mize for, anyway?"
Grocer: I hear your father's
going west. Does he Intend to set
tle there?
Willie: Nope; just going to
have things charged same as
He never romps the children on his knees.
It's all the same to him if skies are gray.
To him a shady oak is Just a tree.
A holiday is Just a wasted day.
He doesn't know a thing of laughing streams,
On fishing trips he's ne'er been known to go,
He never builds a castle in his dreams,
But people say he gets the money, though.
He seldom spends an evening with his books,
He's never read the masters of the past;
He only knows two speeds—the slow and fast.
And by choice he always takes the last.
The finer shades of manhood reach him not,
The sweeter depths of life he doesn't know;
He seems to have no secret sacred spot,
But people say he gets the money, though.
He cannot talk of music or of art.
He never gave a rose bush, any care;
His life is spent forever on the mart
Where only cries of commerce fill the air.
But be can talk of dollars with a will,
His eyes grow bright if you but mention gold,
'Tis true he fills his money bags, but still,
I'd rather keep uiy day dreams and grow old.
—Detroit Free Press.
Son: I always wear a blue tie
to match my eyes.
Dad: Buy a soft hat, .too.
2fcst" J &ytWi&
The troubles that trouble us
most are thoee> that never quite
reach us.
f'. After "Wlshln* Ring" at »©&
to 1 won at Latonla race track
everybody in the betting ring was
wishing wishw» for another such
chance. ;*V •>-*. v,. ■':
A longshot winner Is a sure
shot loser in the end.
"Ira a self-made madie," said
the proud individual.
"Well, you are all right, except
as to your head," commented the
"How's that?"
"The part you talk with is too
big for the part you think with."
"I wouldn't try to be a fool,"
exclaimed the angry party of the
"Huh! You don't hare to
It Is usually the man who
doesn't have to try who tries the
hardest to make a fool of him
There's more fun nominating
a road supervisor at a township
mass convention than naming a
president at a national conven
."Have you noticed how clear
the horizon is?"
"Yes, I Just swept it with my
A Selling Game
With a wild look In his eyes
the man grabbed his green
satchel and rushed through the
A dozen other follows followed.
"Discovered!" the wild-eyed
one snouted for the eighty-third
"What? When? How? Who?"
gasped the pursuing mob.
"Thfl greatest bargain in
double action, automatic, self-re
volving collar buttons," shouted
the pursued as he stopped and
opened the green satchel.
But nine determined men
picked him up and firmly dusted
the sidewalk with him.
No, Angelina, the two-thirds
rule squabble isn't a continuation
of the third Wna scrap.
Themlstoklels Haralainpos Pa
pakyriakopoulous applied for nat
uralization papers at Chicago re
osntly. Theb-etc. H. Papa-etc.
has asked Chicago citizens to sug
gest a good American name with
a slight Grecian flavor to it for
"A very absorbing article on a
hard subject."
Money doesn't count for so
much after all.
Dr. L. H. Early, the Philadel
phia millionaire, who died from
cancer, had offered $1,003,000
for a cure.
Salesman—Now, here, madam,
is a piece of goods that opeata
for itself. I—
Customer—Then suppose you
keep quiet for a moment and five
It a chance.
TEACHER—Heat asoendu and
cold descends. Can you tell me
JIMMY—I don't believe it's so.
JIMMY—I got a cold id by
head dia bordlg ad the doctor
says it's 'cause I got my feet wet
Most every town that you may
Has other towns to jeer at,
For Gotham says Chicago's slow,
Chicago loves to sneer at
Milwaukee's way; Milwaukee
At Oahkosh folks and faces.
And Oshkosh ridicules the styles
In various smaller place*.
Detroit on Kokomo looks down
- And Boston hoots at "Phillle,"
M«w Orleans Jests at Frisco town,
Which laughs at Oakland
x shrilly.
Bach city has a little joke,
Its bon mot, coarse or brainy,
For even Plttsburg, full of smoke,
Pokes fun at Allegheny.
And so It goes clear down the
With smiling Yankee unction.
The Tillage calls the hamlet "jay,"
The hamlet hoots the junction,
And you may look both far and
And you'll discover no town
So small or slow that It won't jeer
its neighbor as a "Joe" town!
He Owns 260,000 Acres
And Looks Like Bryan
One of the'delegates to the re
cent - Northwestern IV\r!<>|Uiii'iit
<'<«Mjtr«'s'- held in Seattle, watt Col.
"UiH" Hosier of « -iilihl Oregon.
He looks like William Jennings
Bryan; , but that's the. !ea»t Im
portant thing about the Colonel..
The most Important thing is that
he is a FARMER.* -'. *
The colonel ■ is ' estimated - to
own! 260,000 acres in Central
Oregon. -< mated" Is used
conservatively.. You , know to ; a
fraction of an inch the. dimen
sions of the ! lot on which your
house stands!': The colonel has
to estimate his farm.
H. hi: Col. "Hill" cuts 20,900
tons of hay every year.
The funny thing about the col
onel Is that he. is a poet. I don't
mean he writes verses. Imagine
a poet knowing all about manure,
fertilizer, alternate crops, soils,
intensive culture and market
prices! The colonel is that kind
of a poet. • • -
"The farmer aces big," said
Col. "Bill." The city man sees
small. When you ask a real es
tate man in the city if times are
good, he tells you how many su
burban lots he has sold, in the
past month. That is seeing small.
. "I ( learned to see big on a
mountain. I was above the tim
ber line. The world - was . be
neath me— timber, for build-
Ing houses; beyond, grazing land,
where sheep and cattle were feed
ing; farther away, farms; and
far, far away the cities. I saw
all life from that' mountain. p.
' "It is a natural instinct to herd.
Cattle live in herds, birds in
flocks, fish in schools and men in
cities. But with men the in
stinct Is wrongfully directed.
Your cities are . too big; they
grow too fast.
"It makes me tiw-d to hear city
men ln«iisi of the size, in popula
tion of (ln'lr cities. How are you
n. .jr.,.- June 24. —a bunch of
ackters and press agints was set
tin around In the fryers' club,
cussln the hot wether, when in
come raymun hitchcock • ,'' -,
he dtdent say a word to no
boddy, he went over and laid
down on a sofy, and he called a
bellboy, and he sed ..
, boy, bring me a segar
all the uther fryers that was
plpin him off turned pail ' and
looked at one anmther
- they all knowed that raymnnd
hitchcock dont smoke, and they
feared sunithlnt; had gone rong
with his noodle
wot shall we do with the poor
boob, whispers Jujlyan elting to
gorge, cohen -
better not do nothing, ansers
cohen, he mite get vilent and bite
sumboddy, 1 suppose the heat has
afeckted his branea"
so they all stood watchln, and
the boy come back with the segar,
and he give it to hltchock -
raymund he took it, and he
looked at it, and he smelted of it,
and he holered to the boy, bring
mo*a match
the boy brung. him a match,
and raymund he lited the segar,
and he puffed away at it till it
was about 1-4 gone, and then he
dropped it on the flore, - and ho
groned terrible, and put his hands
on his stummick, and asked
would sumboddy please bring him.
some water ■
as , lie seemed to be harmless,
the uther \ guys gathered around
and give him a drink, and asked
him what was his I idea, was he '
payin a bet, or trying to commit
suaside, or just plain crazey
as soon ,as raymund got over
the idea that he wag going to die
be ees, fellers, line up agenat it
.. ,my I wife . she has got a hole
orcherd of rose bushes- up at our
place in the country, and she ses
the only way to keep the buggs
from killing them, is for me to
kill the - buggs ■-- wit S tobacker
smoke ::" -■•,., ■-'}' '.;;:.•'.V£..v-- ■■"...•'
- - beleave me, he < moans, ■1 ' dont
wonder the buggs dies, they j alnt
the ■ only things 7 that < tobacker
Family Tree
Can be preserved. Bring me
the faded old picture of your
grandparents. By combining
"Art and Photography" a beau
tiful photograph or enlarge
ment, can be made from mere
"Photographer to the Children"
DOO 1-2 PacMc ay.
z& Strs. t Indianapolis^
I& ? and Ohippewa
-■- Th« fat teat and (In eat § day
tlum«m. on ' th» coa*L ...■■.<.--1, ■
l*av«a i Tacoroa - from m tin
nicipal Dock at 7:00, 1:00, 11:90
a. *m t 1:09. w 1:09. . »:0«, ": 7:00
»:00 p. m.
»' Lnvi Seattl* I from ' Colmaa
ooak. 7:00. » »:00, 11:00 Ka. m..
; l.flO. 1:00. 1:04, 7.00 »:00 p. m.
;.!'« •"■OMB < rAitfa- M ~.- ; »
, .. . HOUND TRIP SO. -"■^/-J
Sj A «!»•■« E»#rr Two Roan.
' U. K. I'URCICI.I, tint
Pboa* Main 1440
phones Editorial l)e|t. M«in 704.
IllVllfiy,, Editorial Dept. M»M» 7»4.
— 770-719 ; COMMERCE IMC.', "
going to-inventotry, by people,
the worth of a city? A man is
worth the g difference between
what he produces and what he de
stroys. If lie destroys more than
he produces, he it* a dead weight,
it loss, a lump. To »ay that there
tire in Seattle 300,000 persons
may mean much and it may mean
<:You have too many useless
men in the cities. The real es
tate man is a parasite. "£he out
of-work is a dead loss. ~ «>;::-•
"Man's mania for crowding
has produced two slums —one at
the bottom and one at the top.
In the bottom slums folks don't
get enough to eat. In the top
slum folks have more money than
they can spend, money they
didn't earn. I feel as sorry for
th« folks in one as for the folks
iv the other. I wish they could
see this world as I have seen It
from the top of a mountain."
SmiIKO Will Kill
wot am i to do, oh wot am I
to do, he moans
all the uther fryers snuck
away and left htm alone. In his
ino//.t»ry, the single ones was
Bnickerln and tho marrld ones
was wlshin they could offer him
some cheerln words, but they
dident kuow none to of.vr him
Go East
This Month
The Pares Are Very Low and the Service Very High
Class 1/ You Travel Over the
0.-W. R. & N.
O.S.L.and Union Pacific
Here are a few of the advantages of choosing this
route in making your trip East:
Steel Coaches and Electric Block Signals protect
you all the way.
Oil Burning Locomotives mean no cinders to
bother you.
A Perfect Road Bed makes your train sniooth
Perfect Cuisine and Service and Polite Employes
contribute moat materially to the pleasure of your
Electric Lighted Trains, Electric Lighted Berths,
through Sleeping Car Sendee to Chicago.
In traveling East over the 0.-W. R. & N. you havo
the advantage of the beautiful scenic route along the
Columbia River as well as through Colorado; ALSO
you pass through more large cities than you do if
you take any other route.
Let us help you plan yo\ir trip.
District Passenger Agent.
Tel. Main 388. National Realty Bldg., Tacomai
All trains arrive at and depart from Tacoma at
Union Depot.
Monday, June 24,1912.
, Driven Oft » Terror.
■. The 'chief, executioner ol death
la the winter and spring month*
is pneumonia. Its advance agents
are colds and grip. lit any at
tack by one of these maladies no
time should be lost la taking the
beet medicine obtainable to drive ,
It off. Countless thousands have
found this to be Dr. King's New ,
Discovery. "My husband believes
it has kept him from having pneu
monia three, or four times,"
writes . Mrs. George W. Place,
Rawsonville, Vt., "and for coughs,
colds and croup we have never
found Its equal." Guaranteed for
all bronchial affections. Price
50 cts. and $1.00. Trial battle
free at Ryner Malstrotn Drug Co.,
38 Pacific at
. Tacoma ladles are all excited
over the Times' free tickets to
the Empress Theater. They are
searching ' the classified pages
and three ladies each night find
themselves to be the lucky ones.
Main 7760
Bernstein's Great Piny
Prices3oc, 30c, .We
Bargain Matinee Wednesday and
Saturday, 10c and 25c.
High Life in Jail
, Five Other Big
Special Acts
Special Feature Vaudeville \.
Best Vaudeville in Town
MA Night at the Edelweiss"
Five Other Big Acts *
Olympia Boat
The New Steamer
Leaves Municipal Dock Dally at
9 a. m. and 3 p. in.
The 8:00 p. m. Trip Connect*
for Bhelton.
returning Leaves Olympia
12:15 p. m. and 6:00 p. in.
MAGNOLIA —Leave* Olyrapl*
for Tacoma and Seattle 7:10 a
B. Phone Ma Id (SO*.

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