PAGE FOUR. MEMBER or rai " scnirri hobthwejt LJBAOVH OP HKWSPAI'KHI Trlfsrapaie New* . «_ . mm^ IRCP^W^. . '*J9^L'''' • >T^*- nil/WTCC Ilmslnes. Office Main la. editorial Pa^e of Cftc Cacoma "ijitTKUt ptES,HSE^!! If Republican Chairman Rupp wants ta adopt the socialist plan of organiza tion to start the republican party ovor again, he ought to pay roj-alty to the Debs fellows. Forty women have taken out licenses to shoot deer in Colorado. This will boom transcontinental travel via South ern or Canadian Pacific, all right. "I have freckles, liver spots, pimples and hair moles on my face. How shall I try to remove them?" —Elizabeth H. Don't try it, Lizzie. Try for a vaude ville stunt, as a freak. Madero has begun arresting Mexican editors for "lese majeste". This is where the Mcx advertising managers have a ha ha coming to them. The municipal power plant, looked forward to for years, is a reality; now let's get in and use the juice and make it a winner. THE T^ACpMA TIMER "WHEN CHILL NOVEMBER THE LITTLE STORY OF YOUR PERSONAL FRIEND DR. WELSH j DR. WILLIAM HENRY WELCH. \\ h.n the first man was made out of dust (or was it when he ate that apple?) a pesky little microbe sneaked into his midst and set up housekeeping in the first gent's intestinal tract. That germ has been man's faithful companion ever since. Many's the rumpus he has kicked up, hut all down the ages the doctors never found him and didn't know where he was. Then along came Doctor Welch. He discovered that hid den and heinous microbe greatly to the astonishment Of all the learned docs in all the world. And then and there a learned European scientist, who nam«-K our multitudinous microbes for us, called this particular speci men the "baccllus Welchi." Thus Doctor Welch's name^be came famous in foreign lands. In our land, however, he had lons been famous. Besides being medical advisor extraordinary off and on to your Uncle Samuel, bfe haa for many years been the f»re tnost man in Johns Hopkins .knl versity, where he has turned out regiments of doctors, many of whom are noted practitioners. Aa chief family doctor to Uncle Sam, he always makes good. When T. R. decided to cut the liiMiiiuph . *s throat at Panama he made up his mind that the first thing to do was to stop yel low fever down there. "Call In Dr. Welch!" he or dered. Dr. Welch came, and T. R. told him to pick a Panama sani tary commission. He did. He named Col. Gorgaa to boss the 'S SURLY BLAST," ETC. Job. Everybody knows that Col. Gorgas made the canal strip as healthy as the beach at Atlantic City. That, you see, is Dr. Welch's strong suit—first . of all he kuows how to do it, then he knows somebody else he can get to do it. That was how In made his university and hospital famous; how he has made the Rockefeller institute at .' New York, which he helped organize and inspire, the greatest medical research institution in j America; and how he is now enthusing the Carnegie institute, at Wash ington, on to greater deeds for the benefit of mankind. It Is a well known saying in the medical profession that where you run across a big med ical committee,.' commission or convention, there also you'll find Dr. William Henry Welch, and like as not he will be chairman or president. Two years ago he was elected president of the American Medi cal association, of which he had long been a trustee. Much of the triumph of the association's long and succeeding fight against the nostrums of ' quackery is due to Dr. Welch. " Dr. Welch comes of a "medi cal family"; his father was a not ed physician; so was his grand father. Re was born in, Nor folk, Conn., April 8, 1850. i"-^ Inconsistent .: "Life la full of inconsistencies." mused the philosopher. "Yes." replied the cynic, "In dry towns people lay aside most for a rainy. —Buffalo Express. >f QUIPS His Tints. "When I lust, saw him, Jabbs was green with envy, yellow with jealousy, white with fear and red with rage." "What a highly oollored life hJa must be." Baltimore American. Xot There. Waiter —Have you tried our turtle soup, sir? Diner —Yes, I have tried it, and my decision la that the turtle proved an alibi!— Sidney Bulle tin. More Compliments The Maid —Billy Drown says I have the prettiest mouth In the world," The Man—Did he? I'd put mine up against it any day.—En glish Magazine. "I have to entertain a Chinese diplomat. What do they like to eat?" "Odd things; things Impossible for an American to get, such as shark fins, bird's nests and eggs 200 years old." "I think we can fix him up on that egg proposition."—Kansas City Journal. "Madam, I understand that your daughter helps you dally with your housework." "It s true." "What royalties would you charge me for a moving picture reel of this most unusual sight?" Washington Herald. Gabe —What do the baseball umpires do during the winter? Steve —I diinno. I guess they must collect bills and servo dis possess notices.—Cincinnati En quirer. "There is one thing queer In British politics." "What's that?" "They bring out their whips for their own party when they want to beat the other one."— Baltimore American. How She Knew Mrs. Shopper—How do you like my new Oriental rug? Mrs. Hopper (scanning the rug critically)— Are you sure it Is Oriental? Mrs. Shopper—Sure! Why, I stood by just as it was being fin ished by a Turk, or an Armenian, or a Persian — I don't know which."—Judge. Means to Be Economical Bridegroom—lsn't |S a great deal for that intelligence offloe to charge for securing us a cook? ' Bride Perhaps, love; but I won't change more than once a week. —Judge. Melancholy 1 "What makes you think that man has a melancholy disposition? His remarks are always highly optimistic." "That's the point," replyed Miss Cayenne. "Only a person of meloncholy tendencies would have to go to bo much pains to cheer hlmsalt up." —Washington Star. Tuesday, Nov. 12, 1912. WHAT IS THE "CUTEST" SAYING YOU EVER HEARD? What is the cutest saying you ever heard from a child? Kvorybody's tiny boy and girl is saying bright things every day, so their fond parents I«-li>>>- ■•- Very often a youngster does s|»rlng something precocious and clever that we all might smile over. For the best Child's Haying sent to the Times this next wwk there will bo paid a reward of $1 .OO; the Saying need not be origi nal, just so long as we ran find a sunny smile In It. Write on one side of the paper, attach your name and addres* and send it along to the Joke 1 :«l itor of tiie Tacoiua Times. MORE JOKF.S FROM IIABYIjAXD "Tommy," said his mother reprovingly, "what did I tell you I would do if I caught you stealing jam again?" Tommy, thoughtfully scratching his head with his stiokly fin gers: "Now thats funny, ma, that you should forgot. So have I." A little boy was caught swearing by his mother, who told him by way of reprieve that God was always at his side and could hear every word. Later the same youngster was sent on an errand. A large dog followed close at hla heels. Suddenly the boy turned and said: "Go on buck home, dog. It's bad enough to always have God following you around, let alone a dog." "Freddy, you shouldn't laugh out loud in the school room." Freddyr "I know, teacher, but I wae only smiling wh«n, all of a sudden, the smile juat up and busted." "Say, mamma, are we made of dust?" "Yes, dear." "Well Jimmie wants to know -why wo don't g«t muddjr when we drink." Little Clarence, aged 4, was about to move to Seattle with lilt parents, and was offering his last prayer In Tacoma. He said: "Well goodby, dear old God, we're going to Seattle to live and I know we'll never see you again." Ever libodu^ $dte§K Triecl W %> BY BER.TQN I3EJALE.V I wrote a very clever play And told my dearest friends about It, Declared that It was blithe and gay, They smiled and said they didn't doubt It; And each one whispered in my ear "I'll read my play to you somo day," And so I'm asking far and near: "Who hasn't tried to write a play?" The milkman and tho plumber, too, The man who cornea to get tho ashes. The cook who cooks our daily stew. The carpenter who fixes sashes, Have all essayed dramatic art And have some drama hid away, And so I query from the heart "Who hasn't tried to write a play?" Diogenes, with lantern lit Went searching for an honest mortal He paused at everybody's portal. And with this odd archaic kit A longer quest than his I plan. About the world I m-ean to stray To find the woman, child or man Who hasn't tried to write a play! SMILE AWHILE "You See, It Was Like This—" The New Preacher. Uncle Nat was telling Aunt Dinah about the new preacher at tlie colored church. "He's a pow'ful smaht man, most Bpecally in de mattah ob prayer. Why, he axes Ter lota ob things dat dig niggah neber knowed de Lawd had!" —Judge. Shdectl/mief/! *T FOUNTAIN*, HOTCLS, OH fUCWMCnC Get Jh« M . Original and Genuine HORLICK'S MALTED MILK Jnuiaitvnf The Food Drink for AH Age* mch mix. MALT (MM EXTIACr. IN rownct Not in any Milk Trust MT loihVon "HORLICK'S'* T»k» • pa«k«4« home While poring o'er th« dally press Such Items strange we reed, It looks as though the human form Had changed Its shape. Indeed I Wo note a horde of hornets atung Jim Jones' tn his back yard. (Could any doctor locate that? It might be passing hardl) Bill White's cow hooked him in the barn! Miss Nancy Collins' cat On the piazza scratched her deopl (What DO you make of that?) There's tragedy lurks In this fact. That dear Great Grandma Standing On Sunday morning fell and bruised Herself upon the landing! I've searched through physiologies Cor.aulted my M. D. No one seems wise enough to tell Just where these hurts may l>a! —New York Times. Mrs. Edmund Vance Cooke was telling her children of an adven ture she had a number of years ago. She had gone to a pionlo and was strolling by the bank of a stream. She had stooped down to pick up what she thought was a stick, when 10, It moved. It was a deadly water moccasin. •'Would you have died if the snake had bit you mother?" asked one of her children. "I should probably have died." "Goodness! When did it hap pen—long ago?" "Before I was married." "Mercy! And if the snake wooda bit you, we'd all have had to be born in an orphan asylum, wouldn't me?" Roslyn Lump Coal GRIFFIN TRANSFERCO. Four Big Yards Main Office 930 C st. Tel. Main 589