—»■!» or ■ the •■ icmppi if west
IMAUVm or NBWIPAPEII. T*t**raphlr l»ew«
Inrltt of the I alird 1-rru AmmUllm hr direct
I— Win.
Bate*** at (k* pMtMn, Tinni, Hnk., ■•
■«W<-fllM laillrr. PuhllabrO bj the I :in.m>
TIm«» fob. Cm. Krrrj E>rala( Kirrpl Jfu»d«r.
THE APPENDIX IN COLORADO
Have our vermiform appendices any rights which surgeons are bound to
respect?
Must a doctor guess right or go to jailt ,
If he is in doubt, shall he wait until the accursed sac bursts and kills us
before he cuts us open?
"Who shall decide when doctors disagree?"
Out in Colorado the public has reared on its hind legs and threatens to
pass a law making it a criminal offense for a doctor to cut out a good AP
PENDIX VERMIFORMIS. If he sheds one drop of Christian—or other Col
orado—blood, he must produce the germs or go to jail.
Well, now, that's all right, but see here! Buppose a citizen goes to the
hospital and tells the doctor that he has the pains, symptoms and the like that
go with appendicitis, and the doctor honestly thinks it is appendicitis, is it
■well for the doctor to say in his soul:
"I think this fellow has it —but I don't know. There are lots of cases
that Woods Ilutchinson himself can't tell about for sure —and I hate to go to
jail, like the very mischief. I'm afraid all my patients will get well if I do.
"To be sure, if I let him go. and it really is appendicitis, the thing will
burst and flood his basement with pus, and he'll die —but if I let him die of ap
pendicitis I shan't go to jail—a doctor has an immemorial right to let his pa
tients die, you know —and on the whole, I guess I'll let him take the chance.
We'll not operate!"
And then suppose it really is appendicitis!
And when the doctor has the patient neatly opened, and it turns out that
it was the pickles he ate, and not appendicitis at all, why not cut the thing out
and tattoo on his stomach the legend:
"To surgeons or those intending to surge: Don't operate for appendi
citis! I've done it. Under my hand and scalpel, A. Sawbones, M. D."
Wouldn't that be better than to save the appendix and have to be oper
ated on again next grape time?
Why not compromise? Why not let the doctoi's cut when they think
best, and if they fail to find appendicitis take the loss out of the bill i
And if they sue, let them recover on a quantum nieruit—that is, if the
patient recovers. Eh, what?
WHY, CERTAINLYI
A morning paper carried a headline, a few days ago: "Booming J. J.
Hill for Wilson Cabinet; Bankers Start the Ball Rolling."
Whereupon a fellow who seems to have a fairly well-developed sense of
humor wrote to another morning paper as follows:
"The portfolio for which Mr. Hill is being boomed is that of secretary of
agriculture.
"For fear that his friends, through disinterestedness, may stop with this
one suggestion, a complete cabinet in harmony with the foregoing is herewith
suggested: * .., I \
"Secretary of State—J. P. MORGAN & CO.
"Secretary of the Treasury— LOEB & CO.
••Secretary of War—THE UNITED STATES STEEL CORPORATION.
"Secretary of the Navy—CRAMP & CO.
"Secretary of the Interior- GUGGENHEIM EXPLOITATION CO.
"Secretary of Agriculture— INTERNATIONAL HARVESTER
€0. t
"Secretary of Commerce and Labor—THE NEW YORK, NEW HAVEN
& HARTFORD RAILROAD CO.
"Attorney General—ELlHU ROOT.
"Postmaster General— ADAMS EXPRESS CO."
Now the overshoe dealer gets his
inning.
Frank Ross seems to have stirred up
a hornet's nest with his talk to the
Japanese.
Technicalities seem to be very effect
ive in freeing indicted lawyers in the
Pierce county courts.
Gov. Hays says "you bet" he will
help rejuvenate the republican party,
.which indicates that the governor has
at last come to a realization that it
needs rejuvenation.
The new county officials are not over
looking their families in the selecting of
deputies, which shows that blood is still
thicker than politics.
Woodrow sorrowfully consents to
ride in that inaugural parade because,
he thinks, the streets would be too
crowded for him to walk. Get on a
motorcycle, Woodrow I
COAL
We are making spe
cial prices on coal.
Any quantity, prompt
delivery.
Slab Wood $2.75 load
HEFFLER BROS.
FUEL CO.
Main 3990
editorial P.w of €fie Cacoma Ciwcs
Have you written 1912 in 1913?
A good snow generally causes a slip
or two.
A little snowballing now and then is
relished by almost an} r man.
Just because you can make snow
balls it's no reason that you should
take a fall out of your neighbor across
the street.
Turnow has been trailed in the deep
snow. Turnow has been trailed all
over the Olympics, and he has been
seen, but he hasn't been caught.
Dr. Cook and Jim Corbett will appear
at rival vaudeville houses here in a
couple of weeks. Pick your winners.
It's always the man who is right on
the job that counts. The world can't
recognize the loafer, the sulker, the un
reliable, the unloj-al, but it generally
has to tip its hat* off to the man who is
always doing the things that count.
Weary Willies Wish
"What work do you like?"
"Lineman for a wireless or
picking flowers from century
plants."
Somebody suggests that Tom
Marshall share off his mustache.
And we were living In hope that
he would raise a beard!
The Bank of California
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION
■afMishwd 1804. " '
Capital and Surplus $16,300,000.00
Baa Francisco Portland „ Tacoma Seattle
. • TACOMA BRANCH - • v
The lul of California BnUdla* T.eom*.
"I won't talk about Bryan,"
said Champ Clark to a number
of newspaper men. As well ask
a Missouri man to tickle •
mule's hind leg.
He Decides.
Lady—And how long do you
stay In one place?
Hobo—That rests entirely wit*
de Judge ,lady.
M££ *&z2 <Svu& i^^;
MB. SKYGACK FROM MARS
Serious.
"Ever In a railway accident?"
"Well. 1 kissed a pretty girl
onre, going through a tunnel."
"Not a very serious accident
that."
"Yes, It was; I married her."
—Philadelphia liulletin.
By the Junior Office Boy
n. y., Jan. 7. —i dunno is it
true or not, but they are telling
a comikel storey on a yung min
ister that just recently got a Jot)
of preaching down on statten
island.
statten island is in new york
city, but it is mostly covered with
woods, and a large number of
the men wears chin whiskers,
winter and summer.
well, this young peracher he
though he better get In right,
so he called on one of the dea
cons to have a little talk with
him.
for my first sermon, he says to
the deacon, i have a stirring dis
corse against the demon rum,
witch is spreading mlzzery in our
fare land.
the deacon give his chin plume
a few cuffa, and then he says
my yung frend, that is verry
excellent, and of corse the church
is agains drlnkin, you under
stand that, but we better be a
little liberal, just a little liberal,
in starting in
there might be a feller here
and there in the congregation
you know that onct in a whllo
takes a drink just for medlsln,
and you don't want to begin by
offending nobody, do you
no, of course not, says the
prearher, how about a sermon
agenst card playin, ive got a
screecher.
the deacon he massaged his
bush some more, and then he
replys, my trend, I wouldent ad
vise it
some of the sisters plays
bridge, and some of the bretn
ren likes a little game of pe
miikle onct in a while, and you
dont want to offend nobody, do
you
well, says the yung feller, how
about a talk agenst horse racing
dear me, angers the deacon,
dear me; I'm afraid that wont do
at all
Shop Talk
"I tell you pard, it pays ter be
polite. A 'Thank yer' never hurt
nobody."
"It did me. I Isaid It to a lady
without thinkin' when I had me
deaf and dumb card on, an' she
had me arrested for an imposter."
some of the boys got some
pretty good steppers, and we gen
erly have some trotting at tne
county fair evry fall.
we got to be a little liberal
rite at the start off, you know,
and you don't want to offend no
body
well, Is there anything i can
take a crack at, asks the yung
minister, i got to preach about
Bumthing
sure there is, says the deacon,
sure there Is
go after the Philistines, give
'em fits, they aint got a frend in
town. johny.
I don't know nuthln' about yer books,
An' I don't much care to know 'em,
I'm scarcely wise to a novel's looks.
An' I never has read a poem.
Them written things is Greek to me,
I'm mightily shy on learnin',
But I know the woods, an' the wind that's frca
An' the smell of the wood fires burnin'.
I know the call of the matin' bird
An' the trail of the stag to water,
An' the ways of the wild things, winged an' furred.
That all of you "wise" folks slaughter.
1 know the song of the wind at night
In the pine trees softly stirrin'.
An' I know the cry of the ducks in flight
An' the sound of the wings a-whirrln'.
When there ain't no friend beside you?
Do you know the way to pack an' camp
Kin you keep yer route on an' all-day's trump
With never a trail to guide you?
You can't? Well, mebbe, I'm quite a chump
To you an' yer learned brothers,
But let me tell you ,sir, plain an' plump.
There certainly are some others!
WILLIE FOOLS 'EM.
JOSH WISE SAYS:
f"Aunt Betty
1 \ Peltfoot'B can
• • ary bird died.
' * but she doesn't
miss his singin'
• • much since th 1
hinges o" th'
• # front gate
• ' squeak."
The navy is said to be short
6,000 men on account of the
heavy demand for farm labor.
Which may also answer the
question, what has become of the
good actors?
The Dangers of Surgery.
Joseph Haas of Nauvoo and
Mrs. Anna Lively of Elvaston,
111., were married in the latter
city last week. Jos. became ac
quainted with the lady at a Keo
kuk hospital during an opera
tion he underwent there, and
who was his nurse. —Kookuk
(la.) Gate City.
One lamps this from his sta
tionery:
"Frunk Reese. Limestone, 0.,
Sells Codfish, Calico and Tom
Platt Cigars."
You Hear It Often, But Do You
Believe It?
"I wish you would drop In
oftener."
"I haven't had a minute to my
self all day."
"I wouldn't wear diamonds if I
had a million of them."
"I need a new dress, goodness
knows, but I would much rather
Henry would buy a new suit."
"I would rather hear grand
opera."
"I always start for home be
fore the rush hour."
Protection.
"Why do you carry that poem
in your pock«C pard?"
"Because it is 'Woodman,
Spare Dat Tree.' I recite It every
time anybody asks me to tackle
a wood pile."
Harriett of All.
First M. D. (from bedside of
wealthy bachelor)—He is sleep
ing naturally—he will recover.
Second M. D.—Yes, the worst
is over.
First M. D. —No, the worst Is
to come.
Second M. D. —How is that?
First M. D.—We have to
break the news to his relatives.
—Life.
Obviously a Fraud.
Dancer —What did you put
that man out for?
Floor Manager—He claimed
to be one of the city fireman, and
he was wearing a celluloid col
lar.
Judicial Proof.
A New York court holds that
moving picture shows are not a
necessity. Seeing that the price
hasn't gone up, we are inclined
to believe the decision is correct.
—Nashville Banner.
What He Thooght.
The Teacher Why, Jimmy!
Jimmy! Have you forgot your
pencils again? What would you
think of a soldier going to war
without a gun?
Jimmy—l'd think ho was an
officer.—Boston Record.
minlTrf 1 - Basinets Office Main 12.
PHI INI S Circulation \*>pL Main 12.
* llvfllAjU Editorial Dept. Main 794.
—776-778 OOMMEItCK ST,
THIS PRETTY BRIDE MADE
"TAV" REAL CONGRESSMAN
M^. AND MRS. CLYDE H. TAVENNER.
Of course, "Tav" says that he
did it; good speaking, warm
handshaking and all that, but
Washington knows better. It was
Mrs. Tav who did it —elected her
husband to the house of represen
tatives as the baby member of the
next congress.
At the capital, where Mrs.
Clyde H. Tavenner used to be
one of Senator Bob LaKollette's
secretaries, everybody just per
fectly says that she did the most
towards turning an erstwhile
strongly republican majority Into
a democratic majority of 1,200.
To be sure, Clyde H. Taven
ner helped the movement along
with some mighty argumentlve
speeches and hob-nobbings with
the sons of toil back in their four
teenth Illinois district.
But If Tav hadn't ln>pn mar
ried to the then Miss Isabel Mar
IN THE EDITORS MAIL
llvtiylxxlT in Pierce county reads this column. Short
letters from Times reader*, of general Interest nnd without
personal malice, will be printed. Write about Anything or any
body you wish, hut do not have nialire as your motive. Many
letter* are not printed becau.se they are too long. Keep 'em short.
Editor Times: I believe the
interest which the public has In
the recent ruling of the court
holding invalid the indictments
found by the late grand jury be
cause of my having been present
in the jury room while the mat
ters were under consideration.
justifles a statement of the facts.
The four superior judges hav
ing determined that there should
be an investigation of the rumors
relating to the conduct of some
of the deputies in the prosecuting
attorney's office, it became neces
sary for the prosecuting attorney
to make an appointment of a
deputy for the purpose.
Having been selected by the
four judges for that purpose, and
the prosecuting attorney having
signified his willingness to make
the appointment, I called at the
office of Mr. McMurray to take
the oath of office, and he show
ed me the appointment prepared
by him. I objected to its form
for the reason that it restricted
my authority to "an investigation
of the Crashules matter," whereas
the judges had requested that I
look into any other matter which
I might find warranted investiga
tion, and for the further, and as
I stated the more important rea
son that if a grand jury should be
called, that my presence in the
jury room under such an appoint-
HOUSEHOLD ECOXOMV
How to Have the Best Cough
Syrup and Save $2 by Mak
ing It at Home.
Cough meiiiclnes, as a rule, con
tain a larffe quantity of plain syrup.
If you take one pint of granulated
sugar, add >4 pint of warm water
iind stir about 2 minutes, you have
aa good syrup as money could buy.
If you will then put 2Vi ounces
of Plnex (50 cents' worth) In a
pint bottle, and fill it up with tha
Sugar Syrup, you will have as much
<v>ugh syrup as you could buy ready
made for $2.50. It k«eps perfectly.
And you will find tt the best
cough syrup you ever used —even In
whooping cough. You can feel it
take hold —usually atops the most
severe cough In 24 hours. It is just
laxative enough, haa a good tonic
effect, and taste Is pleasant. Take
a teaspoo'nful every one, two or
three hours..
It is a splendid remedy, too, for
whooping; cough, croup, hoarseness,
asthma, chest pains, etc.
Plnex is the most valuable con
centrated compound of Norway
white pine extract, rich in frualacol
and all the healing pine elements.
No other preparation will work In
this formula.
This recipe for making cough
remedy with Plnex and Sugar Syrup
Is now used and prized in thousands
of homes In the United States and
Canada. The plan has often been
Imitated but never successfully.
A guaranty of absolute satisfac
tion, or money promptly refunded,
goes with thla r«clp«. Tour drua;
glst has Plnex. or will get It for
you. If not, send to Tin Pine* Co.,
Ft. Wayne, Ind.
tin on the 17th of July last ttia
chances are that he would spend
the next two years press-agent
ing the democratic majority In
the house and drawing pay as as
sistant sergeant-at-arms.
Instead of saying sweet noth
ings to each other, as 1b the
wont of most engaged folks, Tav
and his "best girl that ever
lived" planned a political cam
paign. The bridegroom-to-lxfi was '
told to hurry back to Cordova,
111., and take a democratic nom
ination that nobody else wanted,
because the district was always
republican.
And the Rock Island district
will have the youngest member
of the next congress and the
youngest matron in the congres
sional set, the same being Con
gressman Tavenner and Mrs. Ta
vtnner, age 20.
merit would Invalidate any indict
ments found. Mr. McMurray
they caused an appointment to
be made and signed in my pres
ence constituting me a deputy
prosecuting attorney without re
strictions, and said, "I will file
this instead of the other."
Instead, he filed the restricted
appointment, a fact of which I
had no notice until the matter
came up recently on the motion
to quash the indictment against
J. Matthew Murray, found by the
.grand jury.
H. P. BURDICK.
PROLONGS ITS LIFE
After emptying the rubber hot
water bottle blow a little air into
It and screw in the cork. This
prevents the Bides of the bottle
from sticking together and adds
to its life.
At Fountains & Elsewhere
Ask for
"HORLICK'S"
Th» Original aid Genuine
MALTED MILK
Thi Food-drink for All Ages.
At rratauranu, hotel*, and fountains.
Delicious, invigorating and «i«t«mmg.
Keep it on your sideboard at home.
Don't travel without it, ~
X quick loach prepared" in a minute;
Take no imitation. Juituy"BOßLiaß'
Nat in Any Milk Trust
_*_ _ . ...... -. __ .. r
EVES BXAJsffftKD ItUiHT
Glasses night! Prices Right!
CASWELL OPTICAL 00.
742 at. Helens ay.
Strs. Indianapolis
and Chippewa
Tk* fastest ana] tlmnt dar
■ trnnicrs *v the eoaat.
SIGHT ROUND TUII-S 11 %I ■. v
■•' Leaves Tacoma from Mv
( nicipal Dock at 7:00, 9:00, 11:00
a. an.; 1:00. 1:00. »:00. 7:0 i)
'»:•• p. m. ' ,
. Leave Seattle from Colman
dock. 7:00. 9:00, 11:00 a m..
1:40, 1:00. 6:00, 7:00, 9:00 p. m.
.' 81* til.lß FA It Id SSo.
, ■ ROUND TRIP See *
A Steamer Every Tm Hours.
I. K. IM'HCKi.i,, A*eat
Phone Main «445 ii%
mmammmaaastammaimiKKM