Newspaper Page Text
Words by Schacfer
Music by Condo.
News Item Bays: "Green hams
stolen." Who'd want to oat green
♦ I'O.M UHMOW. <i>
♦ Henrietta's luncheon - money *■
♦ • Nestled In her ; 'P
♦ (Fill It In and make It ♦
♦ ' tunny) <$>
♦ . Ending here with shock- <$>
♦ Ing! »
■.'-. : • ♦
•> ♦ ♦ ♦ <*«♦«>■*•♦<*•.*>♦♦♦♦
■ "I've got a good chicken joke
for your Idiot's Column," said
our' Byzantine police reporter this
"Well, Pullet." sez I. Jest as
calm as that. ,
O, take him back, the |»oor girl
i ■■_■:. groans,
To (he graveyard with the rest of
'. ■ the bones.
. 7 Blllle Burke, my fair confrere
(very lefty-browed that!) said
Saturday that "girls would look
different if they still dressed in
Sure they would.
• And we men would look long
Mustapha, keep out of
, this harem or I'll have you
:;.No matter how Nicholas Law
•on may be in handling the elec
-1 trio light department, I've got to
I hand it to him — ne does make
Ufa lighter for a lot of us.
Hear them feeble gronns
from yon dark cell, Liaunce
■ lot? 1
■■ '■ '
« And these are no idle fancies
they actually happened:
i "Burglar Shot In the Pool
"Actress Slapped In the Bath
"Man Stabbed In the Restaur
ant." . ■: .;■ ..-.# ,
HAS $1,000 CASH.
■>■ LOS ANGELES. Jan. 28. Bull
Young's father wants to bet $1 -
} 800 that his 240-pound son can
beat Ganboat Smith.
The National Electric
Washer and Wringer
Neat, Simple and Convenient to Operate
♦« V?" 1 '! Ansoi'TELY NO PAIIT TO DISCONNECT
tuwre U, s«op th° motor to open "the lid of the tub to ex*
i tl!ri!SSnS! , C°nUltlOn of y°UP clothln«. 'to commence j
ft^^in^i 8 l he ," d >f ' th* tub automatically throws the
XSK VISTSS. ° °f gear ' ClOßhlß th lid a«»
.vTJlf r re ls no wel *" onx^ lid to bo lifted each time
me ltd is opened.
p The Wringer will wring In either direction—a' con
reniently located lever stops, starts or reverses the
wringer*. i f - . ,',, - :- ■ V'-\-"-~~'-. V~--< ;i" ,■-■ /
*^; The Wringer has 11-inch rolls so that blankets can
tb« ! handled f conveniently, and has a reversible drain
board so that the water can bo thrown In either direction. -
> The Wringer ii operated by a direct shaft drive. ': ■No
: exposed gears. :.•.;;■" .■.< ".- ■;-;.;■'•- :v., -- .-■- ■■•.--:•;."■',•; - ■-■:■£' •
■;"*/.;•; The i machine Jis ,' equipped with casters, making It
easy to more. ; ; i;,,;!."> V :'; .■'■ ■.■ ;; .- -:.'"■
pS§,The'National Electric cleanses the garments by agita
| tion i and I not by ; rubbing, thus saving : the wear and tear •
ob the clothes.
MOHR HAS IT
1141 3 C Street : TACOMA
DAILY HHORT *TORY.
Gertie Gumdrop worked on the
suspender counter at the big de
She was a good little dame and
lived with her own hushand.
One day the Bosa walked in
and said, "Gertie, I will give you
a raise to $4 a week."
And poor Gertie's face went
blank with astonishment.
Just then my photographer
happened along and mugged the
gel Just as her face went blank
We always print spicy news
like th!g before anybody else.
Pretty Soft To
I Coming Season
When Joe McGlnnlty gets
through remodelling the dressing
rooms at the baseball park they
will look like President Taft's
turkish bath house. Joe says he
will furnish everything for the
players but the grease paints and
Mike Lynch's old crying room
will be wiped off the map, and it
is said, Joes Intends filling the
cellar this year with earth.
But, no joke, the Tacoma Tigers
are to have the best quarters in
tbe Northwest league.
p : — —
Colic Remedy '
A never falling colic remedy
effectual in the treatment of all
colics in the horse.
Price 60c Per Bottle.
Of course President Joe Mc-
Ginnity is not saying he Is going
to win that pennant, but after he
got the signed contracts of Chick
the third-sacker and Cox the out
fielder yesterday he was seen out
in the suburbs taking mental
measurements of tall straight fir
trees evidently calculating their
height and the possibilities lying
in them for pennant poles.
Cox is a new man in the North
west. He was picked up by Mc-
Glnnity from the Cotton States
league, he having played with
Charleston, S. C, last year, when
he batted only .369.
McGfnnlty feels now that he
will be able to pick enough good
ones to make a ball team from
the material signed up .
The last formalities in that
transfer of the ball park were at
tended to yesterday, and McQfa
nity is now actively at work
clearing the ground to get ready
for the new grandstand construc
(I*y VniUd Press Leased Wire.)
LONDON, Jan. 28.—Much dis
satisfaction is expressed today
over the HO round drawn battle
between Owen Morau and Jem
Clinching 'marked the mill
throughout and all the flashes of
speed were short lived. Neither
showed the expected class at any
stage of the bout. They fought
for a puree of $7,500.
Is the Crow
It senate bill No. 8 passes the
legislature, the crow will have
been officially removed from the
head of the list ot Washington
song birds and assigned to an un
dignified place among the var
You may shoot 'em then.
But the chances are against the
passage of No. S.
The Pierce County Gamp &
Game Fish Protection association
strenuously objects to its passage,
not so much, however, because of
the crow, but for the fact that it
will also mean that Puget Sound
and Its tributary waters will in all
probability be included in a state
(Iljr rnited Press Leased Wire.)
CHICAGO, Jan. 2S.—"A dis
This ls the way Mrs. Oscar
Matthew Battling Nelson, former
ly Miss Fay King of Portland,
and Denver, has characterized
Hegewlsch, 111., the home ol her
versatile husband. What sort of
a "disease" Hegewlsrh is, Mrs.
Nelson does not say.
Mrs. Nelson's repudiation of
Hegewlsch comes despite the fact
that the Battler haa supplied her
with maids and himself with a
French valet, and the couple oc
cupy the best flat in town.
• • By the uae of medlo
.^M^ Inal herbs and root*
A Rk known for their re
is MS ' ' markable : cure* » In
■ iBiS China, -we are able
tfm ■■ to «• absolutely - i cure
■H I^P such ailment* a*
Br . Catarrh, Deafness,
V V I Asthma, ■ Skin :> J>l«-
W^_ ease*. -<■ Rheumatism,
Jl sssfc Appendlcltla, Heart
S^H I Trouble, Kidney
Complaint, etc. -
Th remedies we use are >• obao-
Intely non-polsonou* and positively
do not contain mercury. . „-.-■;->■■
"" If ' unable to call personally, ' send
Xc stamp for diagnosis blank.
N.. row CHINBSBII iiboicimki I co.
1I««H I I'aHfle ST. t' , .-^ PIMM ~- -
1148 CDHMKt ■!. Mate B3SB
!:■.'■:-'•'>■■■■-■<:■,:<-■",•-■; , ■ -..-'. ;:»oj.^',»n
TH32 ffACOMA TIMES
WILLIE KEELER, SCIENTIFIC BATTING
INVENTOR NOW SOME WEALTHY MAN
Will baseball ever gee another
"Wee Willie," the batting mar
vel of the game;, one of the few
to get into the .400 class and the
only batter that ever played an
entire season without fanning.
Today Mr. William H. Keeler
of Brooklyn Is a real estate brok
er and apartment house owner,
and his heaviest work is collect
ing his rents and 'banking the
Keeler vies with Fielder
Jones, Cy Young and BUI
No "White Hope" or "Black Has-Been"
Can Put Tin Joey Down for the Count
(Not by the Sporting K4lfot.)
"Tin Joey" has all the other
pugs, big, little, and mWdle
weights, lashed to the mast and
the boat leaking something dread
ful. He has one thing on every
lad who ever donned the mitts
and hopped into the squared
circle. Or la it the circular
Tin Joey can't — positively
CANNOT—be knocked out. John
L. in his prime, Big Jeff in the
heyday of his solar-plexing, nor
Jack Johnsing, the dusky ex
fighter, not ft one of them, or all
three of them together, could
have put Tin Joey down for the
Tin Joey may go to the mat
l.iiiiK "* the richest retired
ball pluyer. Any of the four
run write hla check for more
than $100,000 —iiiul have it
Last spring Keeler was with
Brooklyn, as batting coach, but
when the training season ended
he returned to that other sport,
Willie Keeler was one of that
wonderful Baltimore outfleld or
1894, '95 and '96, with Walter
Brodie and Kelly. Brilliant fleld-
"To OAY, KEELEft,\S* 8h~ "*
HEAVIEST WORk. 13 COLLECTING,
MIS RENTS A.NO BANKING
"7ft c coir*
era. hard hitters and great base
runners were they, and Keeler
was mightiest of the trio.
March 3, 1912, Keeier was 40,
and, like so many players, he left
the major leagues at 38. His last
appearance under the big top was
with the Giants, in 1910, as emer
gency hitter. Although he batted
.300 for the short time he played,
the zip was gone from the vet aim
McGraw released him.
Keeler played 2 0 years, start
ing with Binghampton, In tne
Eastern league, in 189 2, and bat
ting .373, which caused New Yorx
to grab him. In 1893 he was
with both New York and Brook
lyn, but was returned to Bing
hampton, although while "up
there" he batted .333. In 1894
Ned Hanlon signed Keeler ror
In the home of beautiful wo
men and "tar'pin," Keeler's won
derful career really started and
It continued without a break un
til 1906, when, for the first time,
as a major leaguer, he batted De
Keeler holds the world's
BUT he won't stay on the floor.
For while the law of gravitation
helps hold other prize -fighters
down, it exerts a contrary influ
ence on Tin Joey and boosts him
up. He bobg up smiling, reel
ing, wabbling, ready for more,
after the most terrific punish
Tin Joey la ribloss, soulless,
heartlea.s boneless, bloodless,
and fleshless. His head and the
upper part of his body are stout
pigskin inflated. His legs are of
steel fixed in a large Iron saucer
containing lead weights. The
heavy saucer is what makes him
stay on his Teet so well. Wells
used him to practice on, instead
of battering up * real man.
record for the greatest num
ber of lilts In a season. In
1807 he accumulated 233
singles for an average of
.432. for lidding work the
■i of lilts in n season. In
497 he accumulated 223
null's for an average of
32. His fielding work the
previous year mokes him the
rand All American right
fielder from 1871 to 1010.
eeler was the most scientific
batter that ever played ball. He
invented "choking" the hat. Small
and light, he realized he could do
more effective hitting by merely
tapping the ball "where they
1 The .stvntof
ain't" than by "swinging his
head off in an effort for long nits.
Don't imagine Keeler
didn't crack the ball out for
long hits when he felt like it.
Let ii- outtielder creep In for
a Texas leaguer, and whang!
the ball would lund on the
unguarded spot, near the
In naming the greatest player,
Keeler, with experience m two
leagues for 20 years, unhesitat
ingly says, "Hans Wagner."
rfj^^j|\ You Will Miss Something If You Don't Bead This -"~~~;
iBSf MTheL e "yf o^a /" Green WM
jg§ggf Merchants^ Trading MM
JEISSgjj Give . * 1 • Stamps if||||
Headquarters For «2!#f Green Stamp;
Premium Parlor |Ll c r ormaf 1, iw Premium Parlo
Third Floor Mi,i/Ui illfltl* Dl v** Third Floor
Furniture & Notions Drugs 1 Millinery gj
WOODBURY'S Ryner Malstrom THM i<atest in milt.i\bb
For th« lowest prices on M, f F? J hat °°n 8 AT EACH SEASON «*
- HEATING STOVES "^SSkWaSS,?' th 9 *"* °" .«**■ *"*-
Blanket* and Comforts ' extra stamps on each bot- WTIITT VT> >a
So. Tacoma. tle "3™ brln ß thl » coupon. WHXIJUUIIU 9
- ' Phones: Main 365, Main 368 837 C Btre«t
Druga ' Cloaks & Suits, Groceries
South Tacoma Drug Co. YOU MUST Fancy and st.ie «roc«rie.
J. A. Da»ue. Fred A. Ludwl*. ' Make your bow to our Cloaks PTOEST OP GOODS
Ob; , Proprietor* and Suits. The style « there BEST OP BEBVIOB
rl *ol;■•;• ■»»« *»t»ll Drußßiita. the lit Is perfect and - Drice Oustof Salander
S.ns.J hiffl2 7aor«?£- Tacom<L "«» io^««t: prlco Gustof Salander
: m B MPH, n .. „.,..„..,«.. I •™™?-;i;|v^h!!! li&&i;i;
| Red Letter Day I
v_ WEDNESDAY, JAN. 29TH, 1913 :-™
_ i 10—S.&H. Green Stamps Free—lo ? ' -v
To every visitor to our Premium Parlor on the 3rd floor McCormac
.• ■ t Bros. No purchase required. v;^v
. n 2. w/ sh to advise you that we have just received delayed^shipmem
BA k Rugt both Axminsters and Colonial Velvet, from AlexaLd
Smith & Sons; also a shipment of Silver Knives and Forks from W*
Rogers. The one book Mission Wood and Gilt Clocks and the Silv"
Comb and Brush Sets and Photo-Frames have also arrived. Come £ m
see this new stock and get your sets of January »?ree Stamps™
Bring m your Hamilton Coupons, Trade Marks, Tobacco Taesßof
ers' Special Coffee Fronts, Aetna Liquor Co.'s Cash Register SCheck
Golden Grain Granule Coupons, etc. We will give you stamps, for then
■ The Sperry & Hutchinson Co. |^|
iPISPi THOS. A. SPEHRY, TRES. f» i i^S^
|K^^y Local Branch, 3rd Floor McCorraack Bros;'N j . ?%^J
Tom McDonald, manager of the
Washington Athletic club of Se
attle, is in Tacoma telling the
fight fans here that there will be
some little things doing in the
city across the bay tomorrow.
"You fellows used to get us
from Seattle when >ou had the
ring game going here," says Tom.
"Now come on over and see us."
There promises to be a fair
smoker in Seattle tomorrow even
ing. Frank Koepkey and Dave
Fisher, both Tacoma boys, will
take part in the fistic events.
Koepkey will meet Steve Reynolds
the fireman, and Fieller will in
dulge in a mix with Johnny Kelty.
Tom junks Bcmr.
PORTLAND, Ore., Jan. 28.
According to a telegram received
by Ad Wolgast from his manager,
Tom Jones, at Chicago, negotia
tions are in progress providing
for a match between Wolgast and
AFTKR JOK RIVKRS.
LOS ANGELES, Jan. 28.
Em-ouraged by his boy's decisive
defeat of Sammy Trott, Dick Don
ald, manager of Bud Anderson, is
out today with an offer to bet
$5,000 that Anderson can beat
The Bank of California
Established 1884. <
Capital and Surplus $16,300,000 00 ;&|
Ban Francisco Portland Tacoma Seattl.
The Bank of California Building, Tacoma.
Monday, Jan. 27, 191 M
bonds WILL 1
Joe Bonds of Tacoma and AM
Hagen, the Seattle cop, fw
match their boxing skill in
punching powers In Dan Hiß
club in Seattle, February 14 tBB&
--will fight four rounds.
Bonds is well enough knJjHB
here to give the impression tSSt .
he will at least interest the'nSsi
"bull." Joe thinks he can •*■'■<
minister a decisive "<leaning,M^
Edward has not been orerw~oHt»
ing in the training shed, tMpp
say, but is confident-he has iit-M
ficiently come back, after his iMJpi
larruping at the hands of J«rJ
Lester, to hang a few blue efHE
on the Taconja boy. * ""I
TO CUBK a coi.n lit own dam
TakD LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine TsblaiJH
nru»liti refund money If It fall* to ouBPI
"-.. W. Uruv«'« «l«iiutur« la on Mtcb box/(|B:"
SAVE YOUR VALUAULK
FIRE On r°BuhGLARS I
—(farm — to—our 1
Safety Drpoult Vniilta Q
nd you are nlnajra sure ol
Pacific Safe Urp,.«ll Caw W;
111 So. 101 h strret 4