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EDITORIAL PAGE OF THE TACOMA TIMES Schiff Scents a Bargain, a Real One; Uncle Sam Should Snap It Up i Jacob Schiff, whose views are generally worth listening to, advocates the purchase of Baja Cal ifornia from Mexico. He gives as reasons that the fact that Lower California is cut off geo graphically from Mexico by the Gulf of Califor nia, and a series of impassible mountain ranges, and can only be reached by passing through tins country; that it yields Mexico no revenue, nor ever will to any large measure, because of its isolation. Particularly does Mr. Schiff urge, as a reason Never Correcting flistakes It happened on the street ear—where! THAT'S telling. A Ssek little man, with a dent hi his derhy, got ou the par. He nded the conductor a five-dollar bill, and received his change. As the car swayed to and fro he staggered to a seat and began to count the handful of small coin. Then he frowned, and counted again. He jumped up and made his way unsteadily to the plat form. "Conductor, you made a mistake in the change," he mur mured apologetically. The conductor glared. "Oh, g'wan! You can't get away with any o' that," he replied pugnaciously. "But, conductor, you don't understand. I gave"—the little man began again. The conductor thrust a fighting jaw into his face: Cheese it! We 1 don't correct mistakes after a guy leaves the platform. See? Now go sit down or get off." The passengers tittered. His face crimson with mortifica tion, the little man went back and sat down, pulling his hat down over bis eves as if to hide his confusion. A few squares further on, edging his way warily around tlie scowling conductor, he alighted. Tbe conductor rang the bell. As the car started the little man yelled: J "Say, conductor, look here!" The conductor looked. "See this five dollar gold piece? You gave me that instead of a nickel. Thanks, old man." The conductor reached madly for the bell cord again. "Never mind now," said the little man, "it's too late. I'YK LEFT THE PLATFORM," and off # he went on a dog-trot. Now he takes the other line. The ignorance of some persons is appalling. Here Is We* Jones adjiitttinu he doesn't know what .potlirker la. Say, if yon just add a little Hheplierd'i. wirse and fsadsllo- to the mustard sprouts and take the rind off the ham hock It can't l>e beat—end we haven't tasted tt for SO yearn. A Hcottedale, Pa., man got the baby to sleep easily for Uie first time in four years aad ratfased to shoot at a burglar for fear of waking the haby. 'Twas a hard choice tat we approve his Jmlf. n*ni. ' The Boston V. W. C. A. has derided that a woman no longer Is a young woman avt M. Col. LU Russell will now rise in her righteoiiH anger. The (iermane have a l»om* to drop from uirshipai and make a torn over I .mi 1..,, tt that isn't painting the lily, what is? ' One thing Is certain, whatever Italy get* now will 11A lie classed as a bargain. OUTBURSTS OF .EVERETT TRUE AM «MEH<IEN< V The station-master on ths Bast ant fcsS-en raUwajr had heea given Pnot to do anything Unary without su the susarißte—dent. far his sending tha rrara: deo'.'s Office. Cal »n platform eatiag . Flesss wlrs la- Ia a small town theater a sol dier, arriving late, round aU the cheaper sou occupied. so. seeing a few of tit. mere expensive places vacant, he made towards them. ' "Here, where are you poisg?" called an attendant after him. "Where am I going?" replied tbe awn. eose-fuUy. Where a gaod soldier should ge—U» the front, oi. course." for its purchase, the fact that the future, the sal vation, of the wonderful Imperial valley country of California depends upon the early construc tion of a d^pti at the north end of Volcano lake, which lies wholly in Mexican territory. The people of California and Arizona have long seen that sooner or later the United States must acquire Lower California or at least the Volcano lake part of it, or arrest development in the Imperial valley, both above and below the line. A CHILDHKN'B CEMETERY SET APART HY THK. c.IICMV N AI'THOItITIKS IN M)I»Z, V\ llli ll CONTAINS THE UOIIIES OK MOKE THAN 2,000 i llll.mil N WHO HAVE DIED AH A KESI'LT OK THE WAR IN POLAND. The cry of the Belgian women and children for bread was awful. It was heard. America answered with shiploads of food. There now goes up a still more terrible, more pitiful cry—the cry, of the homeless and starving rail lions of Poland, tbe land freshly sown with shot of invaders and skeletons of men, that pitiable demonstration of the brutality of monarchist greed. Poland? There is no Poland. There's but a Polish victim under the talons aud claws of the eagle and the bear. Once great among the greatest, Poland Is a mere memory, a nation ground Into the dust by foreign heels, subdued, TALK '0 THE TIMES : BY SELAH A WORD I KO.M .Hisll WISE I ! , * Th' feller th't kuows It all -as lots f ferglt. WOTHEK nCIAnHI r. INTERVIEW. By Ananias Lemon. VHEREIAM. tier—What will Germany do now that Italy has entered the war? Today I put the question to, Gen. Schmerekaze, who is the big cheese in the artillery corps. The general was consuming a sand wich of cabbage and rye, with a stein on the side. "A fine ding." said Schmere kaze "Here will be lods more te at shood now. Ye cau'd miss era. And he tackled another cai> bage and rye. >^ W ' * We are glad Polymuriel has at last glomtned a gown. It Is a wonder the haent canght her death of cold ere this. •• • • •My dear, /our new gown is perfectly shocking." "Hurrah! That was the Inten tion!" • • • AT A MEAS4-E. PERHAPS Walker said. In post-mortem statements to several persons, that Wllkins shot him accidental ly. St. Louis (Mo.) Poet-Dls patch. • • • IM PERSONALH We haven't seen Frank Iveslle lately. Nor Frank Redpath. Neither of them owes us any money. Wayne Keyes U thinking of buying a new hat. Jim Dege wIH sell htm one. Msaager Sprinkle of the West ern Union has a name that re minds as of the weather Charlie McKee forgot to send ns a pass to Blllle Burke. See that it dcesn't happen again, Charlie. 9 * $ YOT CANT rXDKRHTAXD Wemea's faaries for some men. Women's fancies. Women. • • • • lA* Im estr* biii • dull, dreary a»y«n. Italy has de r__WA*M (O FlfW, MM MftO THE CRY"OF THE POLES ef foreigners, her territory the i prize of foreigners, her national ity perishing under the oppression of foreigners,: her sons slaughter ing each other in behalf of for eigners, nothing .Iters save sub mission, hopeless. Already Poland was a cemetery, but today they're putting corpse on cori>se. Here's a trench of Polish dead. Prusisan Poles. Here's a mound of corpses half covered. Tbe torn limbs pro truding are those of Austrian Poles. Over there ls a cemetery containing the ho.dies of 2,000 lit tle children who were shot to death or starved to death. From east to west, west to east, south to north, north to south, war's Barnes"Hoose~elt trial Is over. » s • THE KIN.VIEST THING IX THE WORLD Louie Bean sold an old auto mobile, and the owner is going to make it into "a jitney bns. • • • NO, SOPHONISBA But they haven't struck oil at the Crescent yet. • • • There are some people ln New York who think they can reform the jury system. No wonder Harry Thaw was declared sane. • • at DIANA DILLPICKLES IN MOVIELAND ——— ■ . —— . .—___________________________________________ But there is an additional argument for its acquisition which is not mentioned, which Mr. Schiff and others equally well posted, seem to have overlooked. That is the putting of a stop once and for all to the aspirations any foreign nations may have to a coaling station or naval base on the Pacific coast of Mexico. We would ourselves own Magdalena bay, the most avail able spot, for a naval base of our own. No European or Asiatic nation would care to estab lish a base on the Mexican main land even if bloody scythe mowed aud mowed again. And, today, 10.000,000 Polish workmen, and women, and children gnaw roots and the bark of trees, and shiver in caves, swamps and thickets. It has been argued that all America's relief of victims of the European war has * been poor policy. Without it the war would sooner end, anil there ls plenty of suffering at home. It may be good argument. More Belgian misery may be the cure for Bel gian mlserv. But that 10,000,000 cry of poor Poland for bread must make the la»t npAre cent in every American pocket burn Przemysl must look to its lau* els. The new woman tennis champ Is Molla Bjurstedt. . . THE HAZE OK '76. By Hysterik L. Romans. CHAP. VII. Sir Sneerwell de Snob sat in his quarters ln New York city, talk ing Watti Sir Henry Clinton, the British commander. "Scrape me raw!" he said peev ishly. "Life is dull In these col onies. How shall we amuse our selves, general?" "Go out to the Polo grounds and see the Giants play," sug gested Sir Henry. Honorary Titles The New York papers, egged on by the Sun, are raising hob with the state regents for addressing the governor, ln an of ficial communication as "his excellency." The Sun declares titles are not authorized by law in this gee-lorious land of liberty. Maybe not, but what's that got to do with it, we want to know? What law is there for "Colonels" in Kentucky or "Judges" in Ohio. Yet every other man is a judge or colonel in those states—some others, too. And, right here, we address a justice of the peace as "your honor." Where's the law for that? Or, for that matter, where's the honor? And we call a preacher "Doctor" when he actually wouldn't know a toothache from a stone-bruise. And what law is there for calling the old man "boss." There ain't any; it's jiust natural, that's all. No siree! The Sun is all wrong. "Excellency," so applied, means one who has excelled, surpassed, out-footed, etc. Didn't the N. Y. governor do all those things to his opponent? Sure he did. Therefore, he has his title coming to him. There's such a thing as being too blamed democratic. First thing you know, we will be calling each other "Citizen" instead of "Mister" as the French did in the Commune days. How would you like that i When we give up our "excellencies," "colonels," "judges" and "your honors" life won't be worth living. That's all lots of folks get out of it, anyway, and American titles are so inexpen sive as to be within the reach of all. We want to see them kept; maybe one will come our way some rtiiy. 4 Key to the Movies When the heroine wriggles her shoulder as if a bug was crawling down her back she is registering despair. When the villain looks as if he had stomach ache it registers hate. When the foreign count's mouth twitches as if his nose itched he is expressing contempt. When the debonaire hero makes a strike, bowling down all the ten commandments, you may know he is a Parisiou artist. They appointed a committee ln Chicago to ascertain whether or not saloons were open on Sunday. If the average nilcagoan didn't find I,l* S al <MJ n „„*„ otl Sunday l» would be worth recording. «-__«••/ ■■ "Oils life, no!" cried de Snob. "Better war, a -thousand times. Mi'thinks I shall hatch up devil try. lamto be the villain of this story, and It behooves me to get somebody in trouble. I must ruin the hero." "Bring him to New York, and I'll hang him as a spy," kindly offered Sir Henry Clinton. "Fine!" enthused de Snob. "But who the devil is the hero?" And he stared right blankly at Sir Henry. There came a startling inter ruption. (To be continued.) 6ELAH. they were permitted to. Besides, we would be able to maintain a squad ron many miles nearer the Panama canal and also better protect American interests in the Yaqui Indian region of Mexico, which are con stantly being threatened. There are a dozen good political reasons for buying Lower Califor nia, in addition to its wonderful agricultural possibilities under American control. Just as soon as there is a fixed government in Mexico empowered to sell it, the subject should • be considered, IT EVENS <*P I "I hear you have a jitney bus line. Are you making a for tune?" "No. I also own a shoe store and the people are riding to save leather." WANTED TO KNOW "Ma, thin hook says speech is silver and silence ls golden." "Yes." "Well, then, what is a brass band?" _. —_./ OIT WOrn RECREATION "Now. Johnny," said the moth er of the young hostess to the lit tle boy guest, "I want you to feel perfectly at home." "H'm!" growled Johnny. "I wsnt to have a good time. Need a watch? Now* your cttaace. Frank Hart's ad. on ***. a offers mmimp good bars ia stand ard watches "adv." Adventures of Johnny Mouse