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Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, April 11, 1885, Image 4

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Jf OPTH WEST NT E 1\P F V ISE
AN/CCP.TEP AFRIt- 11, 1985
Various Iloproos of Crimo,
“Nothing is wrong but by compar
ison with some other wrong.” observed a
pompous man on the city hall steps to a
pad eyed individual. “Now, sir, would
you think it wrong to take a walk on
Sunday morning for pleasure?”
“No, sir,” answered the sad-eyed man.
“Well, would it be any worse to ride
in a buggy?”
“Not as I'm aware of.
"Twouldn't. eh? That’s what I
thought Now, sir, you would probably
think it a crime to take a pair ot onra
end row about half a day off the lake
front on the Sabbath.”
“I would that,” answered the sad eyed
man.
“That’s just where your bigotry comes
in. Now, sir, please tell me where the
exact difference between the two diver
sions comes in.”
“Why can’t you sec it?”
“I must frankly say I cannot.”
“Well, rowing is a blamed sight harder
work than riding in a buggy.”
—Va* Fooled.
Hana fell in love mit a sbwweed lectle
maid,
Und every night by her vindow he shtood,
Und dhere mit a pooty eharanade
He vokc out der whole naborhoodt.
But famly he tried once to rouse
Dot mait out her shleep so pewitchcn;
He vas play on der front ot dot house,
Und she shleep on der leetle pack koetch
en. Hans Pretzel.
‘Am lon the right road to the vil
lage?” demanded a traveler of an old
darkey who was working in the field.
“Ye*, sah,” said the darky. The traveler
pursued bis way, but presently returned,
very mad. “I say,” he shouted to the old
fellow, “what did you mean by telling me
that I was on the right road to tiie vil
lage!’' “I tol’you the truf,’deed I did,
boee,” replied the darky, “but yo’ tuk de
wrong direkslium, sah,”—Drake’s Mag
azme.
▲ widow in India burns herself for her
husband. In America she marries anoth
sad gives, him a roasting.—PiUburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
. Ina Burglars Are Bashed.
M Why," he replied to a cop, “I nerei
tow so mnah posh and rash in Detroit
Siooe the war, and I presume it is so all
•ear the soon try. The boom eren ex*
toads to hit profession, which you are
•wars Is that of burglary. I haven’t
been so rushed in ten years. I have ad
vertised In a dozen papers for a ’pal,’
bat can’t gat one at any price. Third
claaa men, only fit to put up ladders,
hold lighted candles, pound with a
riedga, and swear an alibi, are getting
their own prices this year. The two 1
had struck for |7 a day apiece, and I
had to pay It or let my business go to
tnha. Ton have no idea of the number
•I chances we have had for ’jobs’ this
Ki sad the season is promising all
say burglar could ask for. lam so
I hardly know which way to
"Anything very big on hand ?”
"Oh I a dozen ef ’em. I ought to go
R Woodward avenue to-night and rob a
ise .where two back windows have
been left up for a whole week, but I
htf not get around to it because one of
hy pnls is dead drank in his room up
stsnat Then there’s a splendid show
yw Fort street. Two of the back
noon won’t lock, some of the chamber
Windows are unfastened, and there’s hall
n sosd of silverware piled up in one
won. Duty tells me that I ought to
lake II in right sway, but something
MV prevent Dear me, bat I wish 1
eonld hire st least three first-class burg
lass far the next six weeks. I’vs got s
special lav lor them.’’
“Anything startling f”
14 WelL no. There’s a bank in Toleds
we could get si very handy, a jeweler
over In Chicago who aches to be robbed,
and I know m s farmer out here a few
ariles who has fa,ooo in gold in tbs
house. If I had two good men I could
father in at least fSO,OOO within the next
but this boom has taken ms
all shack. I need two full sets of burg
lar tools right off, but my blacksmith Is
sashed with other work, and must daisy
sac I went yesterday to see about wigs
and whiskers, and found a dozer orders
ahead si me."
"It's unfortunate. **
M WelL I should say so I It just makes
■f heart sobs to kuuw that scores of
Wok toon ws unlocked, hundreds of
windows left open, heaps of silver and
iasralty left kicking around, and here I
Ml M tied that I can’t hall push bnsi-
MS| Tm nervous and uneasy, but I
Nil asaad matters as I sea. U you
happen to some across a first-class hall
ml sad a pair of professional oracks
msa, I wish you'd send 'am to me. HI
gas— tss the very highest wages and
gwijy employment for the season.”—
tkinMVrfFrf.
rrspsr Brass far Chlldim.
In fltasnlah imsriwL whan i»i*aa«u
diseases MS as ms as to Hindostsn, ba
haassf sO nlassas and all aiasstoddls
S3SaSSaffiS
hddng nun bar of brown bantlings, who
an never troubled with slothes dll they
«• Mg enough to carry garden staff to s
<dl j where the pokes enforces the apron
reflation. Popular dbfcnc* Mmthtu.
THE 3IOI>KR> IIAT-liACK.
Dlnbolunl ( ti:irnrl<-r of This (loath
ontkti < onfritniu'P,
[Ft.iui Ui. New York Times.)
No candid man can examine the mod
ern hat-rack without feeling that it is ex
plicable only on the theory of it*
demoniacal origin. Indeed, the human
mind in so constituted that it instinctive
ly refers all tho contrivance* ostensiblv
intended for holding hats to the devil,
and most of us would confess a belief
that the devil makes hat-racks did we
not fear the derision of so-caltedjphilo*o
phers. Is it reasonable to suppose that
any human being seriously designed for
a good purpose the combination of bras*
rods which is to Vic seen above the ta
bles in certain restaurants? Ostensibly
those nxla are intended for temporary
storage of hate; but when a man trie*
to put his hat on a brass-rod rack it in
stantly falls down again, and brings with
it two other hats and a pi'o of newspa
pers, the former of which upset the cas
ter, while the latter diffuse themsolvca
over the butter and the beefsteak.
Nothing but the theory of the active in
fluence of evil spirits can account fur
tins stylo of hat-rack, and yet it is really
inferior in ingenious malignity to the
common hat-rack of private houses.
This dialiolical contrivance is always
placed in the dark corner of the hall—a
fact which shows that evil spirits are
concerned not merely in manufacturing
bntin placingit. The consequence is that
the visitor gropes for it, and, in so do
ing, infallibly knocks down the over
coats and hats which arc already hung
upon it. When he is able to perceive it
with his eyes, he can find no satisfactory
peg. The malicious manufacturer never
fails to make the pegs eo nhort-that to
induce a hat to balance itself upon one
of them is a tusk requiring both time
and dexterity. Not content with this,
the manufacturer places the pegs so
close together that it is impossible for
two adjoining pegs to support each its
owu hat at the same time. The ordi
nary visitor learns this truth only by sad
experience. He persists in trying to
hang his hat on the peg next to that
which boars the hat of tiie head of the
house, and it isonly after 1 e has knocked
the original hut down with his own hat,
and then knocked his owu hat down by
trying to restore th» other to its origin
al* place, that he perceives the fell pur
pose of the makor of hat racks.
Only the ingenuity of demons could
have combined an umbrella stand with a
hat-rack. The object of this unholy
combination is obviously to tempt the
visitor to deposit his overcoat on the
protruding handles of half a dozen
umbrellas anti eaues. The prudent man
rarely attempts to hang his overcoat on
a peg, for he knows that in so doing ha
will knock down all the hats. Moreover,
it i* the practice of the satanio mnnfact
nrer to put in the pegs so loosely that
the weight of an overcoat when put on
any one of them will pull it out. He,
therefore, folds his overcoat up and lays
it gently on the umbrella handle*. In-
Jtantly these delusive supports give way.
l rattling avalanche of canes ami u ,„i»-oi
la* strike* on the marble floor, and the
betrayed overcoat gathers to itself all
the available dirt that has accumulated
iu the bottom of (he umbrella stand,
while the startled and indignant visitor
breaks into language which might well
fill listening demons with fiendish joy.
Bo notorious has the character of the
combined hat-rack and umbrella
stand become that wise men never
meddle with it, but uniformly place
their folded overcoats on the floor in a
corner of the hall, and put their hats
on their overcoats.
Now, if we attempt to account for the
hat-rack on any theory which excludes
the supernatural, we make a complete
failure. It is in vain for us to ask our
selves why men should make an article
of furniture that can accomplish no con
ceivable end except the exas(>cration of
mankind. The moment we assume that
hat-racks are the work of evil spirits
they become coherent and intelligible.
Is it not, then, a pity that the abolition
of faith in evil spirits leaves us without
any method of accounting for the ex
istence of hat-racks, and compels ua to
say that we do not know, and cannot con
ceive, for what purpose they are made ?
Th* Hotel Mail reports an interview
with an old waiter, in which he makes
the statement that 4 ‘waiters seldom
grow old. As a rule, they’re sassy until
they're 28. They begin to be weak
when they touch 80, and at 40 they are
bnt little good, aa indigestion kills
them.” -
Honeyed Men at Dinner.
A. T. Btewart used to dine here.
"William, a sirloin steak, fried potatoes
and a cup of tea.” he would say. " Yes,
lir.” "And William, a melon." "Yes,
lir." But never a cent to a waiter. One
of the queerest of our customers was old
Mr. Tileston, of the shipping house of
SpoiTord A Tiles ton. No one would ever
uibpect him of giving anything. But he
often gave me a dime. He was very
fond oi onions, steak and tripe. Bo was
Mr. Vanderbilt, the Mr. Vanderbilt.
The way that he end old Mr. Charles
Morgan used to eat steak and ouioua
was a sight to see, sir. **
" Was the Commodore pleasant? "
"That depends. He never walked
fast, as I remember, and he never wasted
words, sir, but lie could snap those eyes
of his and say, ‘Damnation,’so that it
meant damnation, better than any man
t ever beard.”
“ Did you ever see old John Jacob
Astor ?’•
“Only once, sir. He was a feeble
man when I saw him, but bis son Will*
tarn used to lunch regular with Clarke Sc
firow u. He was a great hand for apple
lumplinga, Kor could C*fiud it in my
uearl, sir, for blaming anybody from
(iking them dumplings, because they
was awful good, sir,"
“Hid you ever serve Mr. Bennettf”
“ Yes, sir, often. Ho hud a way of
coming m on u cold day, sitting before
the fire and warming one »ido and then
the other. He would say, ‘Eugene,
breakfast! ’ Eugt-ne was the ’end wait
er, sir, and powerful rich. But it wan
always charged sn as to save the trouble
of handling change, and so there
was no sixpMrce for tkc waiter, s;r.”—
Hotel MuiL
iMAKKET REPORT.
Victokia, Fchrmrv 26 1885
HUTTER—( huicc Island, 50c \l th; I*
land Roll. 75r; New Grass, Cal., Toe
Roll; White Clover, 55c.
CHEESE—Canadian, 30c. lb Cal., 25c
Eastern « ream, 30c, B. C., 25c.
EGGS—Fresh Island, 25cp doz.- Sound
!oc.
i nRNMEAL—SOc p? sack of 10 lbs.
OATMEAL—O2 sack of 10 lbs.
FLOUR—Extra, $5 50 $ brl.; $1.50 per
sack; Super $5 00 per brl.
WHEAT—2c per lb.
BEANS- Lima, Sc. per lb; Small White
and Bavon. Gc.
SPLIT PEAS—I 2 c per lb.
VEGETABLES—Potatoes, le; Sweet po
tatoes, sc; Onions. 5c per lb; Celery, 50c
per doz; Carrots 2c per lb; Rhubarb, c
per lb; Lettuce, 50c per doz. Cauliflower,
1.50 pet doz; Asparagus 20c per doz: Rad
islus, 50c per doz bunches; Squash, 3c
per lb; Turnips, le. per lb.; Gieen Peas.
—c per lb. String Beans —c Cucumbers
—c per do/,; Cabbage, 2c per lb. Tunia
tres 25c per lb. Green Ochra, —c per lb.
Chili Pepper, 25c per lb Green Corn, —c
per doz. Vegetable Marrows, 3c per lb.
HAMS—Home Cured, 25c. per lb. Chica*
go. 250. Oregon, 25c. Shonlders, 18c.
BACON—Breakfast, 22c peril).
LARD—2Sc per lb.
FISH —Cod, Gc per lb. Salmon Cc per lb.
Boneless cod, 10c, Soles. 6c. Halibut, Bc.
Yarmouth Bloaters, 25c. per doz. Sal.
Bellies, 3 for soc Herring 3c Flounder. Gc.
Smoked Oolachans and Salmon, 25c,
Smelt, Bc. Sturgeon, 6c. Whiting, 7c.
Shrimp, 50c. Salt Oolachans, 6c. Crabs 75
cents per dozen. Smoked Heiring, 12c.
per lb. Salmon Trout, Bc. Oolachans, 8c
per II). Spanish Mackerl.
CANNED SALMON—I lb cans, per dcz.
$3.
FRUlT—Lemons, 50c per doz. Oranges,
37c per doz Limes 40c per doz. Apples,
5c per lb. Cranberries, 75e per gal.. Quin>
ces, 6c per lb. Pears, 6c. Grapes, 15c. Ba»
nanas. 62c per doz. Peaches, 25c per lb.
CANNED FRUITS—Lemon, 50c per lb.
Mixed 50c.
CURRANTS—Zante, per lb.
RAISINS —English layers, 50c per lb Cal.
25c Sultana, Valencia and Elema 25c
FIGS—N<w. 50c per lb.
MIXED SPICES—2S per can.
STARCH—SI per six pound box.
TEA & COFFEE—Coffee, Ground, 500.
per lb. green, 28c per lb. Tea, from 57c
per lb.
SUGARS—Crushed or cube, 61b for sl.
Granulated or No 1, Blbs for sl. D or No.
2. 01 bs for sl.
NUTS—Eng. Walnuts. 20 per lb Cocoa
nuls, 12 each. Almonds Paper shell, 37c
Jordan. 750 Brazil, 37c Chesnuts. 37c.
BEEF—Choice Cuts, 12c per lb. other
cuts 12c. Soup meats Bc.
ROLLED SPICED BFEF-12c per lb.
Ox Tongues, 75c each Smoked Tong< u»
$1 each.
MUTTON—Slewing meat 13c per'lb.
remre— jac per It*.
VEAL—I3c per lb.
LAM 8—41.25 per quarter.
SAUSAGE—I7c per lb.
SUET —10c per lb.
SUCKING PIGS—S2.7S each.
DUCKS—Tame, $1.25 each. Mallard, 62c
pea pr. Teal 37c.
CHICKENS—Spring Chickens, 75c each.
TURKEYS-30c per lb.
GEESE—Tame, 25c per lb. Wild $1.26
< Bell.
COAL OlL—s2 25 per can. per ease, $4
OYSTERS—7Sc per quart. Canned, 37c
per can.
HAY - —slßper ton.
OATS—Ic per lb.
MIDDLINGS—2c per lb.
BRAN—Ie per ll>.
GROUSE —02c per pr.
VENlSON—Hindquarters 7c per lb.
KIPPERED SALMON- 12c perjb.
Seattle Mar, 11 1885.
Trade during the past week has bet n
quiet. J
WHEAT—Demand good for chicken at
from $27 to S2B per ton.
FLOUR—California gilt edge $4.25 %
$4.50 per barrel. Oregon standard $4.25.
Country and Eastern Washington flour,
$3.85 per barrel.
OATS—Fair loed at,rsl4@
16 per ton.
POTATOES —Large supply \ and | light
demand, at $9 to 10 per ton for Whiclhy
Island and White River potatoes; slo@ll
per ton for Dungeness.
BUTTER—Choice fresh Territory brings
25 cents per lb. California pickle roll 23
cents. Eastern 23 cents cooking 19 cents
per pound.
EGGS—Strictly fresh retail at from 20
to 25 cents per doz. Oregon and Califor
nia, 11 to 20 cents per dozen.
CHEESE—California 15 to 16 cents per
pound.
HAY—IB to |lO per ton, retail |ls per
ton.
FRUITS—Apples, 50c to |1 per box,
Calitoroia truits, oranges, lentous, etc.,
are canting into market.
FOWL—Tame ducks retail at $1 each
chickens, |4 per doz. turkeys 25c per lb.
geese, 50c.
GAME—Venison retails at Irora 7 to
10c per pound, mallard ducks 25c escb;
teal, 12c- widgtans, 20c, brant, tts to 40;;
wild geese, 50c.
hh p-
Importer and JoblterW
Oiprs end Tobaccos,
Meercbauin Goods, Pipes, (Cutlery, Sta*
tiunary, Etc.,
Mill St., Yesler Leary B»ilding,
SEATTLE, W. T,
Hi Ascn Chr L, K- Q. Smith, Poair amd, Oueuo
52 t *
LfcSJUbis?
cOl'iiLs IOEi:(.!',NHI£N. rro;rietoi
A Ft’LL LINE OF
Drugs and Patent Modicmes,
Toilet, Perfumery and Friary Articles, Books, Sta.
tienery, etc., always on baud, at Seattle prices.
Prescription# carefully compounded.
flavine purchased the interest of my late partner
Mr. Janie# Williamson, I atdc a continuums of the
public patronage, promising to Rive all orders en
truHladto me, nay best care and personal attention.
1 SOPHU3 JOEROEN9ON
A Golden
opportunity;
FOB. i
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, h
Appreciating the necessity of all BsalnMa
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such matter not being to the soope of a looal
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FOR 1885.
A GREAT ENTERPRISE.
The important feature of The Century
Magazine lor the coming year—indeed,
perhaps the most important over under
taken by the magazine—will be a series of
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PAPERS ON THE CIVIL WAR
written by general officers high in com
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SAMPLE BOTTLE FREE; will be sent to any one
applying by letter, elating symptom s, sex and ago.
-trlcl accreoy m regard to all buHiucsstrauHactloua.
DR. MINTIK 3 KIDNEY REMEDY. NEPHRET
ICUN, cures a iJdlseasisof Kidney and Bladder Cara*
lainla, Oouorrli.n, «41»et, Leucorrhea. For sale by
II druga'sts, f 1 » iiottie ; s bottles for $5,
hit. >.INTIK’H DANDELION PILLS are thr
and cheapest Dyspepsia sad Billions Cure in ii,<
mark t. For Main by all druggists. Utf
DR. FELIX LE BRTJFS
CjSt @ CjSr
Prpvcnflvtv and 4 me, fee cither fin,
Taie remedy being injected rluccUy to thu svnl
of those diseases or the Grnito-Uriiuiry tirpr.is,
requires no charge of tlk I or i nviaons, ir-eniMwJ
or Vjiieomiue nuslicinea to I o take*! ii ten cily.
When taken «st a preventive I y either sea,
it is impossible to connect tu y \em>utl tbscovea,-
but in the rare of tin so u!res.dy unfortu
nately tiHMclcd with (iom orliue in U i;KL
wo pmi run tie H boxra to cine or we will rt(un<4
the monuy. I’nrs by mail, : .(eye peid, f-On
perl ox, or, !1 bores for 1..(( vVuUcn gm urn teas
is. neil I y i ll snthons.- tl t-p• a ;s.
hr. Felix I.e lit nr A to. Kelt) TropSk
UDODARD, <I.AFiH. A 1
Authorised A..eels,
XKTlicloaalej ear.di S'r\ap
MillTi.lMi, On.tiON.
Orders by mail will ivccivo prompt at taction
NERVOUS DF.r.ILITV f
H BAUA
Du. i;. (’. West's Nvp.vk and Psmn 1
tKNT, R ifirtrnntis’d specific for ITy-derie, l')ii*
rss, Couvulsions, rils, fkrvous o ermiac,
iewWhcs Nervous Pu.strntion cAcrcd by V.-> nso
,f alcohol or *oliiicco, \VfiV.tfulr(ss, tid b'V
oresmon, Softening of tl.t* Bren; r. -ullii ii rn m
mnity and lending to mi os j th cny arct death,
Proiuiitnr* Old Ako, ParrciM *s, l.oes < f D"v«
in oil lor mix, Involuntary I < r, rs, v d r
tirrliccii caused l>y over-t X'arli.oi < I the l :niu,pe>»-
i huso or oyer-iiidulgeuoe. rich In covlmr.a
ue mouth st roufment. «-• .f 0». lox. <t six boaoe
or KVtK), e Tt hvuisil itci ;»■»! < •:jectuO »d VT£*.
WE C lAWAVfT E MX l.»X» M
ci euro any case. V. i(li each ' r' 1 . r rc.-ecrc it by M
wihi .^ r »XO, wo wii.
•end the purchaser our wiitlmi tr urauteo Pire
fund tho imiTioy it the front merit does not uttvoi
ncuix*. OuuruntPi s issued orlv by
Wtiotl.iltlh I f.AKJk A < 0..
Wlicltaal* cuoil 1.1*.;.* Z. iis-CS
I'ORTUM). OKECOK.
Ordors by mail will recsivc prompt nUontion.
MAY'S
ona,ixjsM
It* the (ni si complex work of the Creator, und
when tlii.- tomplU4t< d structure, so rxquhdtii
l.v wrought, is dhturhed hy diaerse, the most
eOlcientaiil‘-hotild tie soiieli! from the must
skilled physician—for ihc iiuiiiuii body 1* 100
precious to be neglected. It become* the
qm*llon, then; “\Vbut physician shall he em
plovcdlf”
Du. Oscar Joiiannbk'n, nfihe University ol
Rurlin, Germany, l;a.- m.idea lifelong ,-tndy of
nilincnts of the Nervous am) Genito-Urinary
SjbUai.
JfLia. (Aemedir* /CUte
Any Debility or Iu r.ingnncnt o( the Nervous
System, inclutliuL' SpcinmUliorhea Goiiorr
licit, Rvphiiis, Sliifturn, Impoti nee, eU etc.
BECAUSE you may have I.ecu cheated and
1 fooled by quack*, who claim to cure this c do
of disorder--, do uot hesitate to give i'K.case
HANNKSKs’f- method a fair trial Imore your lass
hecotueb chronic and incurable.
J&'ree.
A valuable treatise, explanatory of Dr. jo
lIANNKsEN’(i_ system, will be rout by n ail, post
ptld amt securely sealed from observation, (•>
any sufferer addressing his sole authorized
agent for tlie United States anil amid i
IIKM.V VOOKLKR,
-lOHou h k'-ticet, New Vorak
fST" Complicated syiiq.l. ni- irunted from I>
Jolianm ssen's bpceiul I’r. .-eription, under ad
vice of a duly qualified consulting physician.-.
All corrcspoi deneo held ub strictly conll
dcbtiul, and advice by mail free of e. urge.
FITS, UJILFSY,
FALLING SCKNESS,
PERMANVLY CURED —NO HI'.MBIU, —by on
Month's nsuge ot Dr.UOUI.ADRS Oltbrsitd In tot
ble fit POWDERS. To convince mu Ui r. r* that thuae
Powder* will do all we claim f> r them we will aeud
them by mail post paid, a free li la I box. A* l.r.
Goulard I* the only Physician that lias «ver made
thia ileseauo a special si n<ly. and as to our In owhn«e
tbuuHamla have been permintly cured l-y the ..re
of Uisße Powder*, we will Kuarrantte a pci S neut
cure In every case, or refund you all inoi e ex
penned. All sailer* re should give these Povde * an
early trial, and be convinced of their *ur.iive
power*.
Price for large bos. $3.00. or 4 Doses f> r 11 1 .Off
tent by mall to any part >.f the Uuliedataiea or Can
ada, on receipt of t rice, trhy expiaasc O.D.
Address, AHil * RuBBIRS
•1-10 »• Full ju Bt. B ccUyn >.Y

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