The Yakima herald. [volume], May 16, 1889, Image 1

About The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914

Image provided by: Washington State Library; Olympia, WA

                
The Yakima Herald.
Volume I.
THE YAKIMA HERALD.
REED A COE Proprietors.
I»VB» KVF.BI THI RNDAI.
12.00 PER ANNUM. IN ADVANCE.
AtartUai Kites Ipa Afflkatwn.
E. M. Rbbo. Editor and Business Manager.
PROFESSIONAL CARLS.
oaoaoa rvaaaa. w. j. milsov. l. a. mowlbtt.
a. a. m ii.au v.
TURNER, MILKOY A HOW LETT,
Attomeyn at l^uw,
ItOBTB VAKI.BA, WAIU.
L 8. Hewlett. ex-Recelver of Public Money* at
the U. 8. Land Otßce, will give
* Special attention to making out paptn /or
Settle rt, and to Land Content.
p. r, catoa, 11» c. rant ms.
Sprague | North Yakima.
CATON A PARRISH,
Attorneys at Law.
practice In all the Court* of the terri
tory. Orttce on Flmt Street, opposite the court
Houae. North Yakima. W. T. I.
H. J. BNIVF.I.Y,
tanning Ittew; hr takiaa aid killitu
(Matin, ud
Attorney at Law.
OMce with CoantjL Treaaurer. at the court
Houae. North Yakima. Will practice in all the
court* of the territory and U. s. land oOtce*.
j. a. biavis. | a. aiaa*. | c. a. weave*
REAVIS. MIRES A GRAVES,
Attorneys at Law.
£0 Will practice in all Court* oi the Territory.
Special attention given to all I*. H. land office
business, offices st North Ysklms end Ellens
bunk. W. T. I.
BDWABD WHITSON. I JOHN B. ALLEN
VBBD FABERS, Welle Walls.
North Yakima. 1
ALLEN. WHITSON A PARKER,
Attorneys at Law.
In FIM National Hank KalMliu.
8. O. MORFORD.
Attorney at Law,
Practices la all Courts in the Territory. Es
pecial atteatlon to Collections.
Offies upstairs in Hill Block, North Yskims.
wm. •. cos, a. o. a. i.aao, a. o.
COE A HEO. •
Pkjsletus, Surgeon ud AecoDCkenrs.
Office Uown—a till IS a. m.. 2 till 4p. m. and
7 till I o'clock p. m.
Office on Second street, near Allen ACbspmsn's
O. M. GRAVES.
DENTIST.
All work in my line first-class. Local anesthet
ics used to extract teeth without psln. No
•ham for examination.
lArOffice over Pint Nations! Bank.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Fire Wood 6 Draying.
1 hart a large oaantlty of oxcelleot pine and
•r cord wood and flr slat) wood for safe cheap.
I also run two drays, and am prepared to do
haifllak a. faawnabl. Bltafaa .fe,,,
An Economical Fence,
IHAVK now the sole right for Yakima Conn
/if for owe of (he host win fences ever pal
“ IT B TIN MIABLE All «Uf.
Wire and machine for making on hand. Those
Wishing to build fences should call on me.
J. M. irroilT, West Side of Track
IT. KEPPLBR,
City Scavenger,
NORTH YAKIMA, ... - WASH.
Headquarters at Packer's Livery Stable, on
Front street. All orders promptly attended to.
Charges moderate. _
Ahtanum Dulry.
lam dow prepared to famish families with
Pure Milk from the Ahtanum Dairy.
lAimcm .>
My delivery wagon has a canvas cover, which
prevents the ranfrom heating down on the cans
and souring the milk.
W. H. CARPENTER.
m NATIONAL Bill
of North Tsklma.
* a. *■ w
SSfttS*; !?tSo
»• »- kntrif.
n - w!L BraiNvao. CMhlor.
OOIS A OINKBAL BANKING BUBINEBH.
lip aai Mb Eichuge at ItumMt EaUs.
FAYB INTBBKBT ON TIMB DEPOSITS,
JG«. J. Appel,
—DBAUm IN—
FDIB VUGS 111 LiQDQBS,
The Boat BisaSa of
liportei aii Doiestic Ciian
•NihaMiTaUMAm .
THK DBI MHKR'N n.E*.
Warmly pres* hi* Jeweled t)i|.p« r.
.\»k him how h« f«r> » to-day;
Hpeak to him iu icrruli chipoer,
LUt to ell he hen to nay;
Greet the envoy from the renter*.
From the inert* of every land—
l». behold the drummer enter*
With hi* temple eeae in hand!
For you will not »ee him ever.
Home day he'll be laid away.
With hi* little yarn together,
Hidden tar from light of day.
Then remorae your peare will rrattcr.
If you e'er did give him pain,
And you'll ml** hi* merry ehalter
When the roblna not again.
Harken, then, oh merchant Cnreu*.
To hi* merry little tale;
Think of home Joy* that he ml****
Id hi* life upon the rail.
Think of what you would do without him.
And hi* grip and lample caw—
What a charm there i* about him,
From hi* tom to *miliug face.
He it i* that ever bring* in
All the latent and the bnl,
Make* you buy the very thing* in
Which you know you'dl ne'er Invent;
fall* you ••Tom,” or ••Dick," or “Jimmy.
Tell* yon all the latcat new*;
If you're not in flrat-rate trim, he
quickly dlrlve* away the blu.a.
Greet him, then, with web-omc cherry
And when he hi* race baa ran.
When at la*t of life he'* weary
And hi* la«t yam he ha* apun,
Ilant him 'nealh the weeping willow—
Hlgn of all that’* *«•! and meek,
With a gripsack (<>r a pillow
And a rock u|miii hi* cheek.
Tie OiztiMNs if R»ifi.
Captain J. B. Sharkey, measurer of Ves
sels in the surveyor’s office, Boston cus
tom house, lias made the following calcu
lation as to the dimensions of Heaven:
"And he measured the city with the reed.
12.000 furlongs. The length and the
breadth and the height are equal,”—Rev.
xxxi, «. Twelve thousand furlongs—
-7.920.000 feet, cubed—497,6!'3,oNß,UUo,-
000. 01JU feet. Reserving one-half ol
this apace for the throne and court of
Heaven and one-h»)f of tiie balance for
streets, we have 124,108,272.00J,000,ik-0,-
00i feet cubic. Divide this by 4.9U cubic
feet in a room 10 feet square, and there
.will be 30,321 ,tM3,700, juO.UOO rooms. We
will now suppose the world always did
and always will contain 90J.OJU.UU0 in
habitants, and that a generation lusts 33V,
years, and that the world will stand
1. 000 years, or 10,(KK) centuries—29.-
700,000,0.w,UU0 inhabitants. Now, sup
pose there were IUOU worlds like this,
equal in numlier of inhabitants ami dura
tion of years, a total of 2,97U,»AK»,(Ki0,000,- !
000 persons, there would be 10j rooms 10
feet square for each and every person.
I«e) PWitT ui deaf.
Cheap money is now abundant in this
country and in Europe. The city of New
York recently accomplished a notable
financial achievement in the placing of
the bulk of the |9,UUU,UUO of new bonds
issued to pay for new park lands at the
low rate of 2,4 per cent. The bonds are
to run forty years, but are redeemable in
twenty years, at the option of the Sink
ing Fund Commissioners. They are ex
empt from city and county taxation, and
ore available for the investment of funds
in the hands of trustees. The price at
which they were sold varied from par to
lUI4. In London, the oi»en market rate
for money is only I, 1 * percent., although
the Bauk of England rate is still 3 per
cent. .
Cilia; Sir Ik bal'-Huk.
“Charlotte, my dear, bow ia it I find
you weeping? Have you bad news from
your husband?” “Ob! worse than that!
My Arthur writes me from Karlsbad that
he would die with ardent longing for me,
were it not that he could gaze affection
ately at my picture and cover it with a
thousand kisses every day.” “That ia
very nice of him; and pray is it that you
are crying for? I would give anything to
have such a poetic and tenderly loving
husband as you have!” “Ah! yes, my
Arthur ia very poetical; but let me tell
you that just’ to try him, I slipped my
mother's photo into his traveling bag in
stead of my own before he started!”
As raUawd Opinion »f laknu.
Caahicr Samuel Collyer, ol the Mer
chants' National Bank ol Tacoma, on hie
return from «trip through Kartcrn Wash
ington, raht: "Money Ueney in Spokane
Fnlle. It to the only city In Eaatcrn
Washington ol which this can he said.
At other points there i« a hi* demand.
The fast development ol the country la
the cause. The rale ol interest la 1 per
cent per month. On my way ba-k I
slopped at North Yakima and Ellena
bnrgh. Both cities are growing and each
la confident o I baing the tnture state capi
tal. Yakima presents the best appear
ance ol any city I eaw on my trip. They
have good street* and and good building*
there." .
Iwttor Wntehl htttUre.
A unique invention culled the writing
telegraph Is being pul into practical oae.
It is oo the same principle as the tele
phone except that a meeaage to written
instead of spoken. The sender of the,
message takra a pen, and as he writes a,
pen at the other and cl the line, posaibly
miles away, duplicate* It, producing u
copy of hh written character*. The In
struments are automatic and started and
stopped Irom a central office. Should the
suberrlber he ebaenl he find* on hi* re
turn an 1 f written out on paper on
bis instrument.
NORTH YAKIMA, WASHINGTON TERRITORY, THURSDAY, MAY 16, 1880.
BEWARE OF THESE THICKS!
Tin Little Games the Bunco Men Try
to Work on Ton.
Kergeaut Kchiwtatherger Drtrribrt a
lew of the Nwlndlea the laneteai
Confidence Mem Practice.
.V. Y. World: “The town in safer than
it ever was,’’ aaid Sergeant -Sell in it herder
“The panel game ian’t worked any more.
There couldn't be a panel-house in thin
town without the connivance of the po
lice. The first hu- ker who waa bled and
squealed would break the pl.ice all up.
So with the badger game. There isn’t
one and there can’t lie one, except for a
day or two, inside the jurisdiction of the
authorities. No Centennial visitor has
anythin*; to fear, in my judgment, from
either of these old dodges. Of course, a
man can blow in what he pleases under
the inspiration of lovely woman’s society,,
but that can’t count in law, you know.;
unless some overt art i* committed. And
yet one might give points rs to the visitors
we expect in town. One might say, for
instance:
I “Beware the c.'i.ual glove on the side
j walk. When a gentleman from the rural
j regions is ciap|»rd u|»on the shoulder by
, & "lick looking rhup in a Milk hut and a
red necktie and is asked if he has lost a
glove—a plain, every-day brown or tan
kid glove—the chances are he’ll aay he
has not loat one. Oh, of course! But;
w hen the smooth chap holds out a gold j
ring and tells how he found if in one of;
the fingers of the glove and insists, more-!
over, that the glove dropped out of the :
stranger's purket the chances are ten to!
one that the Jay will aay that if the glove
doesn’t belong to him at least he ought to j
go whaek on the find. To this the finder j
agrees. But, says he, while I’m willing j
j you should go to the pawn shop and price i
the ring I want your coat left here us ae- i
entity, lieeause I don't know von. Well,'
that seems fair enough; and the stranger
leaves his coat until he can get the value
of the ring. When he comes buck he:
still has the ring—the other fellow has j
the coal and keeps it.
| “Beware the soap-box! is another label:
which ought to be pasted in every visitor’s ■
hat. The artist usually has a handcart'
j on two wheels and stocked with packages
of soap for a dime. He squills the car-
I bonic acid of excitement into the business
of purification by showing a one or a five
i dollar bill which he pretends to twist into
| some one of a dozen soap-boxes just under
the cakes. But he doesn’t. Not mneh.
(By an easy sleight-of-hand trick he
changes the real hill he showed for a neer
stamp, which is big and likewise is green.
After he tins put the beer stamp in n box i
he shows the crowd the hit of green
paper, and they at once assume it is the
treasury bill he showed before. So when
he throws that particular box into the
pile even body makes a grab for It—at |1
a grab. While the grabbers go off to one
side to examine their find the capper,
w ho is always on hand, shouts “Police!”
and the fakir runs his wagon off liefore
the one man who haa found the beer
stamp has detected the fraud.
“Beware the man whose hands passes
gently down your leg on your way up
from the ferry, and who holds up a pock
et book as you look around. If you're
honest you’ll say it isn’t your pocket look,
though the man wlio picks it up showa it
to be full of liank-notea. But, after all,
findings is keepings, he says, and when
he mvs you can have it all for a small
percentage of what is in it, My S6O on
|ooo, you will probably, if a stranger, fish
the amount out of your clothes. es|iecially
if a res|»ectnhle looking man happens
along and tells you that is the proper
thing to do. If you find the bills to be
Confederate money or patent medicine
advertisements when you come to exam
them, nobody in particular ia around to
be blamed. The other fellows have lit
out.
“This is a wicked city,” continued the
sergeant, sighing, “and may be lhat’s
why men who come in from the outlying
regions think they have • license to be
wicked, too. It must lie so to account for
the success of the picture book game. A
countryman who has heard but never
seen anything of illicit literature is almost
certain to lie struck by a fellow who has
a book to sell, which, if exposed, would
bring down Anthony Comstock and Judge
Duffy’s righteous sentence. But that
only makes it more valuable in the
stranger’s eyes, and when he gives up $6
for a sealed volume which he finds at the
next doorway to be a moth-eaten copy of
the “Pilgrim’s Progress,” he may kick,
but he doesn’t talk about It. Lots, oh,
lots are taken in by the picture book
game.
“Beware, I ahould say, too, of all the
fancy trick games of the street fakirs.
The law can’t touch them except indirectly
but they are patent swindles. Try, for
instance, to throw a ring over a lot of
knives stuck on a board. The chances
are that you won’t ring a knife, bat if you
do it’s certain to be a wretched, two*
bladed, bone-handled affair, worth about
| the price of half a dozen straws. The
| fine pearl-handled knives are always
I stuck on the board with all the blades
open, and it can be proved that no ring
can be found to go around them. You
might as well try to win at three-card
monte, which foatinating pastime, by the
way, will doubtless be cast in the road
of the stranger. Ho will the old cane
board, the red and white table, the per-
ambulating faro bank and the loadod
I dice box. There’s no money in any of
them for the gentleman from the interior,
j however full be may be of sporting blood.
“Since the court of appeals alarmed
; the sentance of that fellow 1 had the die*
I tinction to convict of the swindle I sup
| pose the dealers in decayed and doctored
horses Wd>n't try to do up any would-be
speculators in Itorseflesli. The old gag of
selling to an innocent party on the pre
tense that another man stood ready to
buy at an advance has l»een worked! often
and successfully, but it* day is about over,
I guess. The ohl fashioned! but ever
fresh confidence game, with Hie bunco
lottery attnd-hinent, is played every day;
and maybe it w ill number a full quota of
victims next week. There’s really no
proted-tion for a man who lets himself l»e
hnncoedl. He can get plenty of revenge,
hut the only certain protection is to refuse
to know and partid-ularly to go around
with nnylaaly you are not certain of.”
Klift CimOi.
| M. Francisque Sarcey, combatting the
! theory of the Kaxe-Meiningen Dramatic
Directors reflecting the training and im
| iiortance of the theatrical croud, recently
emitted the following opinion: "The
1 crowd on the stage can perfectly well lie
i represented liv live or six sii|iernuinern
i riex, or even by a single one, which last
I would probably lie the beet if such n
thing could lie allowed, as the |«rt could
| then lie allotted to a genuine actor."
1 Thercujioii one of M. Parcey’s colleagues
I ininiediutely pounced u|ion that rather
I alumni remark, and gives an account of
|an imaginary drama with copious ex
i tracts therefrom, in which M. C<<quelio,:
on his return from America, u ill pemm-1
ate, all alone, the usual timing. It is
rather too long to give in its entirety, hut i
here are some of the more amusing de- !
tails:
Scene— A terrace in front of the palace.
The prince is seated in the foreground,
with his confidant, Astolfo, beside him.
M. Coqueiin is drawn up iu good order
in the backgniund.
Prince—Astolfo, call my bravo subjects
to me. (M. Coqueiin advances.] Come,
my good friends, and do not lie afraid. I
want to ace you around me. [M. Coque
iin forms a hollow square and surrounds
the prince.) Come, come, no pushing.
There is plenty of room. (M. Coqueiin
censes to push Irimself.j It is very pleas
ant to see you thus lieside me. For you
I am not a sovereign, but a friend—l
might almost say a father. The names
of all of you are familiar to me. Gond
morning, Beppo. Glad to see you, Pietro.
As pretty as ever, Picciolo. And you, my
good old Lennartlo—still robust and vig
orous, I see. Ah, I love you all—all!
[Murmurs of gratitude from the interior
of M. Coqueiin.]
Astolfo—What a touching s-ene.
Friends, shout with me lung live our
prince! But, there—enough—enough—
these cries fatigue me. Moreover, I have
something serious to say. I have taken
a restitution to retire to a cloister.
M. Coquelin—ls it possible? No.no!
We can not |>eniiit It? Stay with us!
For pity's sake! No—no—no! [While
ottering these cries, M. Coqnelin is
grouped in a variety of picturesque atti
tudes. With one hand, he wipes away
his tears, with the other, he embraces the
knees of the prince.]
Prince—My old companions-st-armr.,'
you will, I hope, never target me?
M. Coqnelin (voice of the men-at-arms)
—We will never forget ww,
Prince—And you, young girls, will you
not pray fur me?
M. Coqnelin (voice of young girls}—We
will always pray for you.
Prince—And you, little children, the
future hope of my principality, you will
preserve a remembrance of me?
M. Coqnelin (voice of little children)—
We will keep your memory sacred.
Prince—Tliat is well. Leave me now.
I would lie alone. [Exit M. Coqnelin in
mournful silence, half at the right and
half at the left.]
Astolfo—Never have I seen so many
noble souls assembled together.
1 M lu ia Uj Hut.
Judge Nash is Col. Nash now, sod Col.
Calkins is Judge Calkins. The change
took place at Sprague, Monday, May 6,
where Judge Nash rendered his final de
cision and Judge Calkins began to bear
cases. Msny of Col. Nash'a friends
would have liked to have him go to the
constitutional convention, but he wonld
not allow his name to be used. He is a
candidate, however, for chief Justice of
the state when Washington Joins the gal
axy of states that are represented in the
blue field of the national flag. If the
office ia elective he will undoubtedly be
the democratic nominee, if Eastern Wash
ington has any voice or influence in the
state councils. If it is appointive he will
hardly ask Governor Ferry to overlook
his political disqualifications, however, I
presume.— SfailU Budget.
Uito Thu ffvfc.
"Well, Ned, I proposed to Mias Jenkins
last night, and she has accepted me."
"Did you though ? Why, I never for a
moment thought you bad the slightest
idea of marrying."
"I didn’t, but Mias Jenkins won me so
completely by her beautiful tact and deli
cate forethought."
"In-whst respect?"
"Why, when I called, ohe walked up to
the mantlepiece and stopped the clock."
THE BIG BEND COUNTRY.
Carofnl ud Conservatlw Plctire of
That SkUoi.
The Extent rn.ua Pradnctlveaeu Ac
curately BcwrlM-Fansatlra ef
•he Earth—C It aaate, Etc.
The Big Bend country in often spoken
of as including the whole of Ikmgla«.
Lincoln and the western part of Kpokane
counties. But the Big Bend pro|*r only
includes the whole of Douglas and the
northwest corner of Lincoln counties and
hint an average length of 100 milea and an
average width of sixty mile*.
It ia divided into three parts by two
coulees, the Urand and Moaes. The
Grand is forty miles and the Moses is fifty
; miles long. They are from one to six
S miles wide and have vertical walls from
1 10J to 1000 feets high, and are twenty
miles apart. The <auae for the origin of
these coulees is unknown. A few think
the Columbia river made them and once
flowed through and had its bed there,
| but after «lose examination we could
triwe no riverbed nor see a water-worn
rock. Others think that the lava from a
volcano flowed through the Big Rend and
made them, but such cannot be, for the
rocks on the walls of those coulees are in
regular formation and ranchers digging
wells have to pas through the same kind
of nicks in the bottom of those coulees
that the ranchers above have to do, which
proves conclusively that the soil in the
liottom of these coulees has never been
disturbed. The most plausible theory is
that they were caused by earthquakes—
not an upheaval, but a sinking down of
the earth between two seams or crevices
of the rock.
I The physical features of the surface in
I some parts resemble that of the Paiouse
| country, or mountain waves, while other
parts are jierfectly level. But taking it
ms a whole it looks like the prairies of
Dakota and Montana, and ia mostly cov
ered with bunch grass, except on the hills,
where there is a good deal of wool grass,
and on the low flats you can And spots of
alkali or salt grass. The southern por
tion »f the Big Bend is quite scabby, but
makea a tine range for stock.
The soil is a sandy color, and
many on first sight doubt it« fertility, but
Professor Hilgard, of the Agricultural
col lege of California and professor of chem
istry, has traveled all over the Big Bend,
and when Charles Liftchild. of Water
ville, handed him a box of soil he felt of
it anti knew at once that It was from the
Big Bend. Mr. Liftchild said the pro
fessor stated that it was decomposed vol
canic rock, a fertilizer of itself, and be
lieved it to lie the best grain and vegetable
soil in the world. The soil oroound Wat
erville is darker than the rest of the Big
Bend, and parties digging wells have
found trees at a depth of forty feet be
low the surface, which goes to prove that
there has been an alluvial deposit, but
underneath this deiiosit ia the basaltic
rock.
I There are but few springs and streams
i of water, and most of tlie ranchers are
! compelled to dig wells or haul water a
long distance. Wa made careful inquir
ies as to the depth of wells and the purity
of the water . The gyp-s depth is thirty
feet and the wafer if pore and eoM. We
found no part of the iftg country
where water could not bo obtained by,
digging deep enough, but a tew rancheie.
after digging ninety or 100 feet, rather
than have deep wella commenced anew,
and found water, only a tew feet distant,
at a depth of twenty feet.
There ia no wood except in the coulees,
slong streams snd on the mountains, and
some of the ranchers have to haul wood
long distances. But as soon as the two
railroads are completed wood can be had
for the cost of catting snd freight for
hauling. There is also an abundance of
coal along the Wenatchee and Columbia
riven, which are only a few mi lee from
the Big Bend.
The summers are long and quite cool,
except during the dry season, when It
gets quite warm daring the middle of the
day, the thermometer going up some
times to 100 degrees, but the nights are
always cool. There is always a gentle
breeae, sometimes a good strong wind,
but cyclones and hurricanes are un
known.
It generally rains in the early spring
and May and Jane, and in the fall there
is generally sufficient rain to insure good
crops without irrigation. During the
nil miner months the roads are full of dust
and the ground appears to be perfectly
dry, except in the morning, when it is al
ways damp. This is caused by the por
ous and shelly rocks underlying the sub
soil, which bold the moisture, and the
warm sun during the middle of the day
brings it to the surface in the form of
vapor, andHhe cool nights condense this
vapor and make the ground damp every
morning.
The staple products are wheat, oats and
potatoes, but several ranchers have shown
uie very good samples of Dent corn, and
say they have produced more than forty
bushels pqr acre; but we doubt, and could
not advise ranchers to depend too much
upon corn raising. We made careful in
quiries and can give almost the exact yield
per acre of the staple products: Wheat
£t, oats 40, potatoes 200, barley 30, and
corn 3>>. The ranchers generally depend
on grain-hay for feed, bat some depend
entirely upon the range, and often lose
valuable atock on acconnt of laziness or
indifference.
1 There are hut few orchards in the Big
I Bend at present, and it remains for the
future to demonstrate whether fruit shall
be a success or failure. Vegetables gen
erally do splendid, and we were told of
some enormous yields.
There are thousands of acres d*f vacant
land in the Big Bondi, and it is mostly
school and government. There is hut very
little railroad land in the Big Bend proper,
and every section within fifteen miles of
Waterville is taken up except school
hinds, but there la plenty of government
land to I* had on both sides of Moses and
Grand coulees and on the north side of
the main Foster ereek, and west of the
Seven Springs. — Spokane Fallt Renew.
■r. Brisk tauum larrup a I'lilirr.
"Martha, where in the name of sense ia
my cobweb?” yelled Mr. Brink, rushing
Into the kitchen with a bleeding finger.
"Your cobweb? Why. Jared, I didn’t
know* an you ever had one. You make
no much fuaa when you tee one on the
ceiling that I—"
“Stop your clatter, can’t you, and tie
up my finger; though I don’t nuppoae it
will do any good without a cobweb to
stanch the blood. I’ve la»en watching
that one in the corner of the woodshed
for a month, thinking how I could use it
in an emergency, apd now I shall proba
bly bleed to death, for I think I pinched
an artery in two in that blamed mouse
trap, and then the peaky mouse got away
after all. I can’t see, for the life of mo,
why you didn't catch it when you found
it in the cupboard the other day. All
you had to do was to grab it by the tail
and snap ita head off, or else by the back
of the neck and choke it to death.”
"But, Jared, it ran so fast I couldn't get
hold of it.”
"No, there’s no woman living that
could. I can just imagine how you
acted. You didn’t have to see the mouse
or hear it; if you found where something
had been nibbling a doughnut it was all
you needed. You gathered up your
skirts, gave a shrill yelp that would make
an Indian war-w hoop blush, and jumped
up backwards into a chair, just like
this—” and Mr. Brisk sprang nimbly in
to a chair behind him. There was a
piercing* scream, a heavy fall, and a
smash of crockery, for in his eagerness to
give his w ite a practical lesson ho had
not noticed the rockers on the chair, and,
ns he went over backward, his heels plow
ing through the air, brought over the table
just prepared for dinner.
He was still smarting under the loss of
his cobweb; still sore in heart and finger
from being outwitted by anything as
small as a mouse; and this misfortune
was the worst of all. His open mouth
had caught the contents of a salt-cellar,
and it was some time liefore he could
speak. His wife, as she wiped the gravy
out of his ears, remarked pleasantly:
"Never mind, Jared, don’t worry about
the dishes, for I needed a new set any
way ; and, os for the old rocking-chair,
you needn't even try to mend it, for
tliey’ve got the loveliest one oown to the
store for eight dollars that I’ve been want
ing for a year. Does your face hurt you,
dear? It looks awfully.”
VUU* a sudden snort Mr. Brisk reeov
eietraeath and speech. “I have always
had an Idea,” said he, an he clawed some
mashed potato oat of his whiskers, “that
they are right who say ‘Marriage is a
Failure,’ hut as long as my mind held
the hinat doubt about it, I was willing
Wve you the benefit of it. Of all the
utterly i m 1 c m |—he—lble foolisUAfiMjilAt
a m*»everwkT||r**r of, thee* is noth
ing that comes up'fe marriage with a.
woman who always tackles the wrong
cobweb, and can’t even catch a moose.
This trouble. Mrs. Brisk, lies at your
door. If you, when that moose was in
the cupboard, bad killed it, as yoo ought
to have done, I shouldn’t bare bad to
cripple myself with that blamed mouse
trap. Then, again, when you saw me
getting into that rocking-chair yon might
have given me warning. But no! that
rocking-chair was a trap set for a purpose.
What did you care if I broke my neck?”
“But you didn’t break it, Jared; yoo
only got some tomatoes spilled on it,”
murmured his wife between her paroxysms
of laughter.
“Shut up, will yon? Your diabolical
plana are useless. I’ll not get you an
other set of dishes if you eat off of chips;
and, as to the rocking-chair—by Jimmy I
you’ll sit on an inverted wash-tub tor
forty years before I’ll get you another
one. I’m going into the lecture field. 1
am going to rouse and electrify the world
with my burning eloquence, as I tell them
there is no use in any farther argument,
for ss long as there has to be a woman in
it, marriage will always be s doable sod
twisted, dyed-in-tbo-wdol failure.”
A Raffs Inmlarsl
Is one which is guaranteed to bring you
satisfactory results, or, in case of failure,
s return of purchase price. On this safe
plan yoo can buy from our advertised
druggist s bottle of Dr. King's New Dis
covery forConsnmption. It is guaranteed
to bring relief in every cane when used for
any affection of throat, lungs or chest,
such as consumption, inflammation of
lungs, bronchitis, asthma, whooping
cough, croup, etc., etc. It is pleasant and
agreeable to taste, perfectly safe, and can
always he depended upon. Trial bottles
free at C. B. Bushnell’s drag store.
—A fine new line of saddles, harness,
etc., just received at C. E. MeEwen’a
shop. Yakima arsons. •
Number 16.
ABE THIS DEGENERATE ?
Bishop Potter Soys Yes—He Tolls 01 Cod
teoniil Day Hoi Vo Hits Fallen.
A Mermen ana n Rurprlm—Harrlaan
■n« rictelaatf Listen te Meme
U helrMMf Trade*.
When* George Washington bowed his
hwul 100 years ago last April 30. there
l*reeident Harrison and cx-Prealdent
Cleveland kneeled. With tlieiu in Rt.
I’niil’a church, New York, were many
other distinguished personage*, who lis
tened to Bishop Potter while he preached
on a text which touches on the dangers
of our time. Among ether wholesome
thinea he said the lfnuu> quotes the
following:
"Another great difference between thia
lay and that of which it ia the anniver
sary is seen m the enormous difference in
the nature and influence of the forces
that determine our national and political
destiny. Then, ideas ruled the hour.
To-day, there are indeed idea* that rule
our hour, but they must )>e merchantable
ideas. The growth of wealth, the preval
ence of luxury, the massing of large mate
rial forces, which by their very existence
are a standing menace to the freedom and
integrity of the individual, the Infinite
swagger of our American speech and
manners, mistaking bigness for greatness,
and sadly confounding gain and godliness
—all this is a contrast to the austere aim
plicity, the unpurchasable integrity of
the first days and first men of the repub
lic, which makes it impossible to repro
duce to-day either the temper or the con
duct of our fathers. As we torn the
pages luck ward, and come upon the story
of that 3Jth of April, in the year of our
Ixird 1789, there is a certain statliness in
the air, a certain ceremoniousneas in the
manners, which we have banished long
ago. We have exchanged the Washing
tonian dignity for the Jeffersonian sim
plicity, which was, in troth, only another
name for the Jacksonian vulgarity. And
what have he got in exchange for it? In
the elder states and dynasties they had
the trappings of royalty and the pomp
and splendor of the king’s person to fill
the men’s hearts with loyalty. Well, we
have dispensed with the old titular dig
nities, let us take care that we do not
part with that tremendous force for which
they stood! Ifthere be pot titular royalty,
all the more need is there for personal
royalty* If there is to be no nobility of
descent, all the more indexpensible is it
that there should be nobility of ascent —a
character in them that bear rule, so fine
ami high and pure, that as men come
within the circle of its influence they in
voluntarily pay homage to that which is
the one pre-eminent distinction, the roy
alty of virtue!”
Tlf Betnyrd laita.
Mrs. Robertson Brown-Jones (when the
last wedding-guest had departed)— Well,
It’s all over, and it is such a relief to have
Joanne so fortunately married.
Mr. Robertson Brown-Jones—l’m glad
the fuss is through nt last, and I’m agree
ably disappofnted that Jane, with all the
nonsense you have put in her head, has
married so fine a fellow, even if be is an
Englishman.
Mrs. B.—An Knglishman, forsooth!
You seem to forget yonr daughter has
married the son of a duke!
Mr. R.—l ought not to, indeed, for I
have had that served with every meal for
the lasi three aosda.
-- iwamnlO*.
Jmdik (the hrWfc, hunting IMo tot
parent’s bona)—Oh. ma. and pa. tod; "
take me home again? I’m rained! I’m
ruined!
Mr. and Mrs. R. (in great alarm)—
What?
Jeanne—That man baa betrayed me;
he has married me under false pretenses ?
[Weeps wildly,]
Mr. R. (purple with excitement)— The
scoundrel! He shall answer for this with
bis life. Speak, Jane, tias be confessed
to have been married before?
Mrs. R. (recovering herself)—Ob, calm
yourself, Obadish, it may be a morgana
tic marriage, you know kings make them
and probably dukes, they don’t count at
all.
Jeanne (stifling her sobs)—Oh, if it
were merely bigamy, it would be nothing.
I could go on the stage, you know, bat it
Is so much worse than that! [Falls to
weeping again.]
Mrs. R.-Oh. what is it, Jeanne?
Mr. R.—Tell ns the troth, girl, bow has
he deceived yon?
Jeanne (gasping) —He is not [sob] s>
duke’s son (sob); be is not [sob] even
[sob] an Englishman [sob, sob]. He is
nothing but s rich American [sob] bound
to wtn me. [Sobs ad in/tnUnm.]
Mrs. R. (opening her arms)—My
stricken dove, come to me. You are
indeed rained and so are we. [Duet of
stormy grief.)
Mr. R. (after a moment’s contemplative
pause)— And this is my wife and daugh
ter!— Epoch. ' [
—Ladies, do not rain your complexion
by the use of poiaonoua cosmetics and face
Itowders. If your face is red or sun
burned ; if you are so unfortunate os to
have pimples or blotclies on the neck and
face, Dotard’s Specific will not cover them
like a coat of paint, bat will moil effect
ively remove ail blemishes from the skin
and restore it to its natural youthful
I bloom. Hold by Alisa A Cbspman.