Newspaper Page Text
FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 1910.
116 Division Street . , Business. I? 8 telephones: K<mor , al 3 - 6 TO MA 11. Sl BSCRinERS—The Jato when .our subscription expires Is on the address label of each paper. When that date arrives. If your subscription has not again been raid In advance, your name Is taken from the list. A change of date oa tbe address label Is a receipt. THE WORLD SEEMS EMPTY "The report of my death was greatly exaggerated." That was what "Mark Twain" said some years ago. Today, as the world learns of the end of Clemens' career, it remembers this, and smiles through the tears. The world need not regret the death of the greatest humorist who ever lived. Worn with the storms of life, with wife, and daughters and dearest and nearest friends gone before him. and suffering acutely from physical pains, he must have been glad to sink into the last peace ful slumber. Let us hope that today "Mark Twain is with his loved ones, that all the pain is over, and that his brave soul smiles as joyously as in the days when he wrote "Tom Sawyer." 1 luckleberry Finn" and "Innocents Abroad." Yesterday morning, when lie felt better, he asked for pencil and paper, and wrote: "Give me my glasses." Those wore his last words. Twain always smoked twenty cigars a day. and a pipe between times. Denied smoking in the final days, and in semi-conscious condition, he waved his hand gracefully in the all', as though holding his treasured cigar, and blew puffs of air from his mouth. These are little anecdotes of his last day or two which will he remembered tenderly by us all. There have been a few great humorists in the history of the world—Aristophanes of Greece, Rabelais of France, and Bill Nye—hut none, in our opinion, combined such delicious humor, such philosophy and such charity as did Mark Twain. His works have been read by more millions than those of all other humorists combined. Ami the three hooks mentioned at the beginning of this editorial, together with two or three others, will be read us long as literature endures. There is a vacancy in the world's affairs today. A great man has gone—a man who was more to us that any presi dent, or ruler, because he reached right to the heart of every home. His place never can be filled. Mark Twain is gone. OBSERVATIONS WITH Washington, New Orleans. San Francisco and elsewtlere beating tom-toms for the Panama expo of 1915, it behooves little San Diego to work her Scripps-Spreckels- Spalding horse-fiddle with both hands. BRYAN is collecting a Zoo for Lincoln. Already has a tomcat and a monkey. If he could only rope some such rampageous democrat as Tom Taggart, he'd have what migbi be considered a booming old start. AN auto at Detroit, while being tested, jumped 15 feet into the air, killed two men. crushed a trolley pole and exploded its tank all over a ward precinct. W hat it could have done after being sold is wholly a matter of conjec ture. REPORTED thai Taft is considering Gov. Hughes for the United States supreme bench. Strange, but just as s<h»ii as a man shows signs of being brave, big and strong, the proposition is sprung to inter him in the supreme court. OHIO has discovered a way to speedily increase h< r state revenues. Special grand jury sessions have been called, and a number of state officials discover that their eon sciences will no longer permit them to hold on to illegally drawn fees. AND now there's testimony that that Lloyd party didn't reach Mt. McKinley's summit any more than Cook did. Blast all the fakers, anyhow! Not another line of free ad vertising until they lay the north pole and .Mt. McKinley's summit on our desk! FROM DIANA'S DIARY Miss Dillpickles Succeeds as a Census Enumeratress —Yet She is Per sistently Baffled by a Mysterious Mr. Hoofit. BY FRED SCHAEFER. " YOV ARE MR. HOOrlTT:" 1 CRIED, UK DID NOT DENY IT." VI. Strange thing,; can happen, and this Is one of them Today I completed my Job of con st!* enumerating and the only per son in my district I knew I hadn't got was that Mr, Hooiit. the fellow I missed the flrtt day and never did find. I had given him up and was at my bouse resting, when, lo! n young opiums, enumerator rang Ibe bell and to get statistics about ME. I lufttrd lilm into tbe parlor aid while he wm asking his string of questions I happened to look at that lilioto of Mr. Hoofitt I'd plrkcU up. you are Mr. Hooftit!" 1 cils*. Hp did not deny it. In fart, he was too startled to deny it, even if he wanted to. it must have seemed to him for a minute that 1 was crazy. Then I told him I'd been doing census work, too, and that I'd got ten hold of everybody but a Mr. Hoofitt, who lived in the Hatch block, and 1 was so delighted that I'd found him at last, and would he please answer my questions. Hut I was stungg-g again! He politely proved to me that the Hatch block wasn't in my district, and that all the other names I got i there was work wasted—to say nothing of the twenty-odd trips I'd made there to look for him. THE END. PAGE 4 Entered at Spokana. Wilt., as Second Class Matter "The suspicions of some people," said a Danish traveler at. a dinner in New York, "seem to be almost as ex< esalve and groundless as the nervousness of a Copenhagen man's wife. " 'My wife,' this man said to me. "Is very nervous, especially at night She used to have a terrible j nervous attack every time she ! heard a noise downstairs, thinking jit was burglars; but I assured her ! that it couldn't oe burglars, be cause they are always careful nev er to make any noise.' " That silenced her, eh?' "Not at all. Now she gets nerv ous whenever she doesn't hear any noise.' " "Yes, this is bad weather." said Senator Tillman on a day of rain and sleet. "It is nothing to Lon don, though. "Once, on a dripping winter day in London, a sulphur-brown or pea soup fog in the air. and everybody drenched to the skin. I sat on a bus top beside a Parsee in a red lez. "When the Parsee got off. the I driver of tne 'bus. touching his hat with his whip, said to me: "'Would you mind tellin' me, fllr, wot sort o' chap that, is '" "'He's a Parsee," said I. 'An In dian, you know ; a sun worshiper.' "'Worships the sun, does he, sir?' said the wet and shivering driver. 'I suppose he's come 'ere to 'aye a rest ?' " i Customer —How do you sell your pies? Young Qabbe: 1 see where Halley's comet is going to brush the earth, old Grumpe: Kb! And expect to be tipped, I suppose. The Daily and Sunday Spokane Press, 10 Cents a Week; tPje Spokane ffirggg Cbttorial ffiage THE PRESS SPECIAL COMICS WITH A TINGE OF PESSIMISM F. 11. Sanburn, after hearing ex perts in finance instruct Boston at a public dinner on the merits of the central bank, gives it as his Idea that we ought to have it, ,ut probably never shall get it, for the same reason that the ordinary wild dink cannot be made as good eat ing as the canvas back by feeding it on wild celery. "I will do it." said the tavern keeper of the Ad irondack forest; "I know it. for I've tried It—only, d- n 'em, they won't eat it." An old farmer, on finding his pigs had eaten most of his cab bages, cast a disgusted 100., at the pen and said: "Well, the good Lord named hogs right, for hogs is hogs." AN ARTLESS KNOCK Gloomy Baker —1 often wonder. MAKING THE WORST OF IT Good Management The great success attained by this institution is due to good management in the matter of organiza tion in assembling men of successful, conservative experience as directors and officers to manage its affairs, thereby inspiring confidence and strength. The announcement that the genuine air of cheer fulness would welcome all who enter, whether stranger, friend or customer, has Uecome an axiom. The announcement that the same courteous treat ment would he given small and large depositors has proven that small deposits will build with the in stitution. National Bank of Commerce SPOKANE, WASHINGTON. Capital and Surplus $225,000.00. OFFICERS P. M. MARCH, President. M. M. COOK, Cashier. DANA CHILD, Vice President.JOSEPH DAILY, Asst. Cashier. Prods and Pokes at Pessimists OLD EVERETT TRUE, THE STAR PESSIMIST OF THEM ALL! THATCOMET NUMBER AT THE RATE OF A BILLIL LION MIGHLES A MINIMUT. (It has a long way to come, ye know—but it will sure ar righve. Joye—What's the state motto of New Jersey? Sadde—"ln Trusts We Trust," I suppose. Conservation Heresy The Stitch In Time had just saved nine. "But what does it get me?" said Stitch. What, indeed? Abandon hope, all ye that enter here. —Dante. Our birth is nothing but our death begun.—Young. Not Chance OYEZI IT IS COMING A QUICK GUESS JOSH WISE SAYS: "Even ef th' pessimist would look at life through rose-colored glasses, he'd say it looks like Hades." All is vanity and vexation of spirit.—Ecclesiastes). "Pa, what has become of all the buccaneers?" "Probably, Wilfred, they've turned Into auctioneers." Vice gets more in this vicious world than piety.—Fletcher. A pessimist is one who fancies everything is as bad as possible. The word comes from the Latin "pessimus," the worst. What Is the world? What but a spacious burial field un walled. —Blair. "Lovely day," smiled the Poet. "t'h-huh," growled the Pest. But we'll have to pay for this with bad weather later in the sea son." What la friendship, but a name, A charm that lulls to sleep, A shade that follows wealth or fame, And leaves the wretch to weep? —Goldsmith. "Did you enjoy the meal, sir?" said the pleasant waiter after the dainty repast had been disposed of. "Yes," moaned the dyspeptic, "I enjoyed it before I ate it." The aspiring youth that fired the Kphesian dome Outlives in fame the pious fool that raised it. —Cibber. "Don't you love to look back up on your happy boyhood?" asked Smyle. "Nope," grunted Grouch. "I don't like to think of bee stings, ear aches and green apples." Walter J. Nicholls & Co., Brokers 8105 Howard Street Phones, Main 26 and 2050. MemDers Chicago Board of Trade SOUTHERN REPUBLIC Will sell 5000 at a snap. Calls and options on all active stocks dealt in. Capital, Surplus, Stockholders' Liability. While this bank is man aged strictly in accord ance with the rinid bank ing laws of the federal government and its policy is therefore conservative, thus assuring safely for funds, it affords addition al security which protects deposits Sgalnst any pos sible loss. Standing an nn absolute guarantee for the safety or deposits is tbe banks Capital and sur plus, amounting to $1,250, --ooo.no and its stoeknotd holders' liability of $1,000,(100. This means that the bank affords $2,260,000 for Hie safety of its patrons' funds. Exchange National Bank 6POKANE, WASH. United States Depository Capital $1,000,000 Surplus 250,000 OFFICERS Edwin T. Ooman, Pm, C. E. Mcßroom, Oanhlar E. S Seale.Asst.OaehUr. Tho». H. Brewer, V. Pres. William Huntley, V. Pin. SC. W. X.awer, Asst. CashUr. O. M OrMO, Mgr. Bond Dept. IT BLAZED THE WAY "That man is a brand snatched from the burning." "How so?" "His reform dates from his col lection of $5000 fire insurance from the loss of his saloon." Horoscope "The stars incline, but do not compel." Saturday, April 23, 1910. On women shine brave powers And mark the favoring hours Venus, on the descending node, is in greatest elongation westward today. Mars is in benefic aspect with the Moon and Uranus and Neptune occu py kindly positions. Venus and Neptune stand in mutual relations in this period and makes immense power for women and should enable them to succeed in many things. In undertaking new affairs it will be well to look closely to the foundations and to build for the future, as there is a tendency to permanence In anything done today. There will, probably, be a great spirit of energy and deter mination. It may make per sons of dominating nature tyr annical and arrogant. Optimis tic people will do well to tem per ambition with prudence. Persons inolined to take bodily risks must refrain from brava do or reckless ventures. There Is a strong menace of quarrel with strangers, partic ularly in the afternoon and evening. It will be well to use care in public places and to avoid persons of hasty temper. Courtships, engagements, weddings, home anniversaries and beginning new households are under brightly fortunate moods. Tonight all persons, and men especially, will be wise if they curb their tongues and consider carefully before they utter opinions. There Is a warning that "words spoken before oth ers will make a great outcry." Persons with their birth dates today will be able to achieve much during the twelvemonth by adhering ten aciously to enterprises. Children are born today with every likelihood of becoming Important and useful charac ters, with a Martian energy and grit. Checking Accounts for Women THE housekeeper nowa days who does not carry a bank account can not ap preciate its value in prop erly regulating her house hold expenses. We have made special provisions for attending to the accounts of women, having a pleasant room, furnished with telephone, stationery, etc., for their convenience, and a special window where their wants are attended to. Your account invited. THE OLD NATIONAL BANK OF SPOKANE Resources Ten Million Dollars Flowers Carnations DOZEN, 75^ Palms FROM 85<* UP Cleneral line of potted goods at reduced prices. The Rose Floral Co. Spokane's Cut-Rate Up-to-date Flor ist, Opposite Paulsen Bldg. Phone Main 4378. PAGE 4 Published every evening and Sunday morning by tbe Spokane News, paper Co. Telegraph service furnished by United Press. THE PRESS DELIVERED—By carrier. 10c per week. By naaJX one month 60c, six months 2.50, one year $4.00. SPECIAL FOR TrimmedSampleHats Only one of a kind. None worth less than $5.00, and ranging up to $18.00. Special. .$1.75 to $7.50 UNTRIMMED SHAPES Worth $2.50; Jap straw 98f> Ladies' Pongee Silk Waists, in two styles— $5.50 waists, special $3.85 $6.50 waists, special $4.20 Spokane Sample Store Co. 308 Riverside Aye. Opp. The Wonder BUY THOSE Sample Oxfords Tomorrow for $2.50 Wo are now prepared to give you any style of an oxford you may desire for either men or women. All leathers nnd sizes. Bauder & Schriber Rooms 319-20-21-22 Third Floor Tomorrow Keystone Jewelry Co. $4.00 and $5.00 ladies' gold and gold filled bracelets, now $1.50 $15.00 17 jewel Elgin watches now $6.25 $20.00 gents' watches, thin model, full jeweled movements, in 20 year gold filled ease $5.75 $G.OO ladies' watches now $2.95 $7.50 gents' watches now $3.25 Bee our wndows for special prices on all other goods. Keystone Jewelry Company The Daily and Sunday Spokane Press, 10 Centa a Week FRIDAY, APRIL 22,1910. SATURDAY Worth $3.50; made of straw braid $1.50 Ladies' and misses' samples of wash dresses, Princess style, jumper stylo and waist lino ef fects .. .f2.95 to $16.50 Jamieson Building Is the Day to Buy Watches at the 722i/ 2 RIVERSIDE AYE. TURBANS