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“And la this an heirloom, too?” asked the visitor, picking up a brick that lay on the centertable. "Yes,” said the lady of the house. “That is the brick my mother threw > at the prime minister.” » “Ah, indeed, how very interesting,” said the visitor. “And whose portrait is that on the wall?* “That is my mother herself,” said the lady. “I see,” said the visitor. The power behind the thrown, as it were.” Bathetic. . General Matron Maus has a keen and delicate taste In literature, and at a recent dinner at Vancouver racks, discussing a popular novel of little worth, General Maus said: “The pathos of the book Is really bathos. It reminds me of a private’s widow. The good woman was about to sell her household furniture, her rugs, plate ware and what not. As she was going over these articles her eyes filled with tears, a host of mem ories rose to her mind, and laying aside a half dozen knives, she said: “ 'Oh, dear. I can’t let these go. They’ve been In poor George’s mouth too often.”’ The Censor. "Eugene Walker la making a great hit In London with his strong drama, ‘The Easiest Way,’ ” said a manager. "I dined with Walter at the Cafe Royal last month. He talked a lot •bout the English censor. “He gave me a good illustration of the grandmotherly way the censor treats a play. He said a playwright had this passage In a love scene: “ ‘Then, dearest Mabel,.we will meet tonight at 10 in the old lane by the ruined mill. There should be lovely moonlight,’ “The censor ran his blue . pencil through this paragraph, and request ed in the margin that it be changed to: “ ‘Then, Miss Mabel, we will meet in the garden this afternoon at 4—■ provided,' of course, your mother can be present. The weather promises to to .be cloudless.’’ Thoughtless Man. The servants were abed and the doctor answered the bell himself. A colored man stood on the steps hold ing n large package. “Is Miss Matilda, the cook, at home, sah?” asked the man. “Yes, but she has retired,” returned the doctor. i “Can I. leab dis to’ her, sahf” “Certainly,” said the doctor. , He took the .bundle from which flowers and buds were protruding, and after bidding the man good night care fully carried It to the kitchen, where he deposited It, paper and all, in a pan of water. The doctor thought nothing more of the affair until he heard Matilda’s an gry voice raised In conversation with the maid. "Ef I had de pusson heah," cried the cook, dat put my new spring hat In dis heah dishpan I'd scald 'em to’ sho'.” Just a Monologue. Scene —A coxy room. Mr*. Pansy pink sits engrossed in a novel. Time, 2 p. m. The telephone rings furiously. Mrs. Pansy pink starts, toses he nov el aside and argues with herself: “I wonder who on earth that can be. My.suppose some accident has happen ed to Edward! Oh, I wonder if he is sick! Maybe momma has had another spell. I hope nothing has happened to poppa. I wonder if it is that Mrs. Skraggs. She was to get a new gown and I suppose she wants to make mo envious. Or maybe Ella is calling me up to make arrangements for the mat tinee tomorrow. Perhaps Bob has proposed to Zadie and she wants to tell me the good news. I hope it isn’t that gabby old Mrs. Johnson." She rises and takeß the receiver off the phone. "Hello, this is Mrs. Pansypink.” Central—Party got tired and rung off An Exageration. Senator Gardener, discussing In Washington his bill for taking over the express companies and establish ing a parcels post, said, with a smile: “Our opponents exaggerate the diffi culties. They are like the man from Canada. “A man from Canada sat in the lobby of a New York hotel listening to cold weather yarns. These yarns gave very convincing examples of the suffering and hardship occasioned by last win ter’s excessive cold. Finally, the Can- coughed and said: w “ 'Your cold weather yarns, ’ gentle men, make a Canadian smile. You think you've had a cold winter down east here, but up my way, from last November clear-through to March— ’ "He paiis'ed, struck his arm with hit fist and said: “ ‘From last November clean through to March our hot-water bottles froze in our beds every blessed night.’ •’ FOURTH OF JULY EXCURSION FARES by way of THE DENVER & RIO GRANDE RAILROAD “The Scenic Line of the World** ONE FARE FOR THE ROUND TRIP with n minimum fare of 50c between all points in COLORADO AND NEW MEXICO Except between Denver,* Colorado Springs, Pueblo and Santa Fe, N. M. Also reduced fares to all points on connecting lines in Colorado. Tickets on sale July 3rd and 4th: July 2nd as an additional date to cer tain points. Final return limit July 6th, 1912.. For (area and further detailed in formation apply to LOCAL RIO GRANDE AGENT. FRANK A. WAPLltlBH General Paaaenifcr Aeent DENVER, COLO. LATEST NEWS EPITOMIZED FROM TELEGRAPHIC REPORTS THAT COVER THE WEEK’S EVENT8. OF MOSJJNTEREST KEEPING THE READER POSTED ON M08T IMPORTANT CURRENT TOPICS. W'Mttra Newspaper Union Nawa Service. WE8TERN. Three plcknickers were drowned when a boat capsized in the Nemaha river three miles from Stella, Neb. The harvettng of peas from 1,500 teres for the Empson factories in Sreeley and Longmont, Colo., has be gun. Warren, nine-year-old son of O. C- Collins, was drowned In a creek lead ing to the Uncompahgre river, near their home at Delta, Colo. The mangled body of an unknown man was found In the railroad yards tt Pueblo recently. The coroner be lieves he committed suicide. After losing their nine-year-old son Irom diptberla, Mr. and Mrs. John VVagner of La Salle, Colo., are critical ly ill with the same disease. Twelve Inches of snow has fallen at, Bailey, Idaho, tuid the-weather is ex- : tremely cold for this time of the year. ; This is the heaviest snowfall recorded here in June for years. Two hundred and fifty-five thousand dollars in gold dust, the first spring shipment from the interior of Alaska and the Yukon territory, was brought down to Seattle by the steamboat Humboldt, which arrived from Skag way recently. In a feud battle between the Sharp and Waldrop families at .Spends ranch, near Sherman, Texas, four per sons were killed and two wounded. Be fore elm was slain. Miss Georgia Sharp killed one man and wounded, another man and his wife.. Scores of armed men from Bokchito, Durant and MCAlester, Okla., ar? scouring the country for five bandits who robbed the First State dank of Bokchito of $3,000, and in an hour's battle with citizens, probably fatally wounded two men. Mission architecture, the most unique and beautiful of all forms of American buildings, is the salient fea ture of San Diego's exposition, to be held In 1916. The foremost authority in the world on architecture is design ing all the buildings in this style. Jack Johnson, champion heavy weight pugilist,' and his wife, Etta Johnson, have been indicted by the federal grand Jury in Chicago for al leged smuggling. Johnson, while abroad, bought a diamond necklace for his wife and brought it home with out paying duty. The franchise of the Pueblo baseball team in the Rocky Mountain League has been transferred to Trinidad busi ness men for the remainder of the sea son. The Colorado Springs team is now representing Dawson, New Mexi co, and the CaOon City nine is playing at Raton,'New Mexico. For hundreds of miles In either di rection from Needles, Cal., the low lands along the Colorado river are in the grip of the worst ravages of floods since the river began to rise. Though the water is receding, heavier dam age is being done than occurred with the rise. Needles is threatened with destruction. After consultation with prominent citizens Gov. W. C.'McDonald of New Mexico said that he will issue a pub lie statement regarding the Johnson- Flynn boxing contest immediately. To direct queries the governor would not say that he would stop the match. It is believed that if he finds that there are no gambling infractions he will not interfere. The West is face to face with the biggest railroad strike in its history. Between 200,000 and 300,000 men have voted in favor of a walkout. The or ders were not issued on account of ne gatiatlons between Julius Kruttschnitt, director of maintenance of way of the Harrlman lines, and representatives of the shopmen on that system looking to a settlement of the strike which has been on for more than a year. WASHINGTON. President Taft, has signed the aqt of Co'ngress limiting to eight hours the dally service of laborers and mechan ics employed on' government work, and Immediately afterward issued an exec utive order exempting any contracts in connection with the Panama can at B Children Cry for Fletcher** ■VA | h 1 ' The Kind Yon Have Always Bought, and which hail bee® In Use for over 30 years, has borne the signature of ~ n and has been made under his pen sonal supervision since Its Infancy. ’ "it/zy Allow no bne to deceive you In this. All Counterfeits, Imitations and “Just-as-good” are baft Experiments that trifle with and endanger the health of Infants and Children—Experience against Experiment. HlSSSSfifil What is CASTORIA , I Opium .Morphine nor Miami Oastorla Is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare- H I NOT NARCOTIC. goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It Is Pleasant. It . ....... | contains neither Opium, morphine nor other Narcotla .tf4J I JqfrfMthHW f substance. Its age Is its guarantee. It destroys Worms s*■•l Afrfi Smi~ . and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind 911111 Su*.' J Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation ■Hit jgArf* I and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the jSgffiMjirl gSßifidr | Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Bi 1 The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend. B™ GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS >9 Bears the Signature of— The Kind You Have Always Bought ln Use For Over 30 Tears tact copy of Wrapper. TM . w«w yo.« orrv. ~ "MOBILE FEATURES." BURNING ITCH WAS CURED "I deem it my duty to tell about a sure that the Cutlcura Soap and Oint ment hare made on myself. Uy trou ble began in aplotchea breaking out right in the edge of my hair on the forehead, and apread oyer the front part of the top of my head from ear to ear, and oyer my eara which caused a moat fearful burning itch, or eczema. "For three yeara I had thia terrible breaking out on my forehead and acalp. I tried our family doctor and he failed to core it. Then I tried the Cutlcura Soap and Ointment and uaed them for two montha with the reault of a complete cure. Cutlcura Soap and Ointment ahould have the credit due, and I have adviaed a lot of peo ple to uae them.*' (Signed) C. D. Tharrlngton, Creek, N. C., Jan. 26,1911. Itching Scalp—Hair Fell Out. *T will say that I have been Buffer ing with an Itching on my acalp for the paat few yeara. Uy hair fell out in spots all over my head. My acalp atarted to trouble me with sores, then the sores healed up. and crusts formed on the top. Then the hair fell out and left me three bald spots the shape of a half dollar. I went to more than one doctor, but could not get any relief, so I started to use the Cutlcura Remedies. I tried one bar of Cutlcura Soap and some Cutlcura Ointment, and felt relieved right away. Now the bald spots nave disappeared, and my hair has grown, thanks to the Cutl cura Soap and Ointment. I highly recommend the Cutlcura Remedies to all that are suffering with scalp trou ble.” (Signed) Samuel Stern, 236 Floyd Bt., Brooklyn, N. Y., Feb. 7, 1911. Although Cutlcura Soap and Ointment are sold by druggists and dealers everywhere, a aample-of each, with 82-page book, will be mailed free on application to “Cutlcura,” Dept. L, Boston. Unfortunately, the people who are most willing to lend are those who haven’t anything. Just one cup of Garfield Tea taken before retiring will next day relieve your system gently and thoroughly of all impurities. If you would discover a woman’s weakness, keep Quiet and listen. LANDLORD KNEW THE GAME Spared Hla Tenant the Enumeration of the Time-Honored and Yearly “Bluff.” "I have called to collect the rent,” aaid the landlord. "Yes,” replied the lady of the house, "come In. Now, before I give you the money this month, I—” “Just a minute, madam,” said the landlord. "I can save time for you. I know the parlor isn’t fit for a pig to live In, the dining room wall paper is a shock to people of refinement, the kitchen walla are a disgrace, and-the back porch is a menace to life and limb. I’m also aware that you won't stay here another month unless the barber-shop wallpaper in the back bed room is changed to something in a delicate pink, and I'm next to the fact that you’re ashamed to have people look at such gas fixtures as 1 have pro vided. I’m going to paint the front and back porches and let It go at that.” “Thank you very much,” said the lady meekly. "You have saved me a lot of trouble. That Is all we really expected to have done, but I was afraid that I should have to make the same old bluff to get that much out of you.”—Detroit Free Press. AbQve the Laws. Some men think money can do any thing. A certain rich man sent for the doctor, who looked him over and then pronounced Judgment. “You have been living too high.” “Maybe I have. There are many good things in the markets.” "No levity. You have violated na ture’s laws.” “And you must pay the penalty.” '"Pay the penalty? Oh, come now, Doc. Can’t you get me off on a tech nicality or something?” Make your failure tragical by the earnestness of your endeavor, and then it will not differ much from suc cess. —Thoreau. Nothing succeeds like the efforts of some people to be disagreeable. S Satisfies There never was a Coca-Cola couldn’t joes, straight as an spot. call for something dicioualy pure —md srsasrs p • .W--J-L^ hbr WIMHI co. y ~~ JcZmSL ! Needed No Mora Help. An American gentleman got ac quainted with a Frenchman who wha very anxious to acquire the English language. The American In order to help him said that If he would lead his exercises to him he would willing ly correct them. Nothing was heard from the French man for some time, but Anally a letter came couched In the following choice English. “In small time I can learn so many English from his text-book and her dictionary as I think I will to come at the America and to go on the scaffold to lecture.” The 8horter Route. Lady Duff-Gordon, at a luncheon at Sherry's in New York, told an anec dote apropos of the divorce evIL “Two girls," she said, “were chat ting over a cocktail and a cigarette. “ ‘Marriages are made in heaven,* said the first girl, and she blew a cloud of smoke Into the air and re garded it with dreamy eyes. “The second girl with a tight laagh replied: “ 'Yes, that is true; but, thank goodness, to unmake them we have to go only as far as Reno.” Uneasy. “Why do you avoid Mrs. Wombat T* “I think she's been talking ahoat me.” "Nonsense. I'm with her constantly, and I've never heard her say a word." “Well, there’s no telling when shell begin. She moved Into the hoese we moved out of.” The Paxton Toilet Co. of Bneton, Mass., will send a large trial box of Paxtine Antiseptic, a delightful cleaaa ing and germicidal toilet preparation, to any woman, free, upon request. Society forgives a man If he breaks the Ten Commandments, but never If he goes broke himself. | A postal card to Garfield Tea Ool, Brook lyn, N. Y., asking for sample will repay yen. One way to avoid spending monay foolishly is not to have any.