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Mountain Home bulletin. (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1888-1889, September 01, 1888, Image 1

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MOUNTAIN HOME, IDAHO, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1888.
VOL. I.
NO. 14.
GEO. K. PAYNE Prop.
JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY.
We
issue
"Oüb
know,
stained
w hieb
have
selves
wo
"The
"The
"The
"All
"The
"The
"It
more
It
pile
theft,
properly
the
tunity.
man,
in
in
did
of
a
ence
and
scratch
on
more
in
that
hear
liar
know
wives
uh
* that night at Shel Don't
in
fust iu dreams, in ahniuicks Wo
to
last
the
who
are
look
aecuuut ui
far
wo
fool
(Wetbout ary apology.)
1
cj r?
I
j
ïë
K
V
• /
m
I '
»,
y
o
i elm
! W
h,
i m
C
if £|
w* .4'
m
4
K
w
(H.»T to thiukin' of him—as
Komci unes a feller
will -
Of the l ight l.e give a lec
tor to the folks in
. /
Nholbyville,
»ve set up oulil «lay
light, ns them leeterors sometimes «lo—
A-talkin' of a hundred things thut mightn't in
Au'
t'rcst you:
I mind the things he rattled off that night. In
boyish glee,
l.e recited to n uu'.lleuce of me;
Récitât !.
Hé v 1 laughed outil the tau'lord come
to l»e still—
So I got to thiukin' of him an' that night at Shel
byville.
* list us
Then he'd kind o' quit his uoiiHense au' we'd settle
down a spell.
Tell Jim 'ud turn upon me au* begin agin—"Dev'
teil
'Bout the time 1 went to Frank lin fer the Baptist
college folks*'*
An' Id tretch my mouth ocrost my face, all
ready for tho jokes;
But he'd brauch i.tf in u story 'bout the 'Merry
Workers'' bund.
kiiowed tbo "Work tirs." y
c'd
That, 'uloss )
har«Uy understand:
1 c'd hoar mvseif a-swailerin', the room 'ud seein
so btill—
bo I got tv thiukin' of him
byville.
1 gu t to thiukin' of him—like 'twi
Jest a year
a;
Fer time, thut f)ie9
is slow;
lie was v i .rUia'like a beaver, lecturn* here an
lecturn' there.
An' a writiu'
the railroad curs, in laveras -
>, speak in' pieces at
is iu the pap
Primin' poc
he I
an' then, around
a truvelin'.
An' him
in pairs;
An* hei-eemed l » think *ut he was
all- hut.ktill,
I got to thiukiu' of him,
ville.
r that uight at Shelby
r the happy "Day*
I got to thiukin' of him
i* by,"
i\ «*et "Old fashioned Roses"
and
it
nail
got
joined to
Tell the
bloom agin—and die:
Au' 1 hoar him talk agin about "My bride that is
to b;\"
Wheu he'd come to "Grigsby station" jest to have
th
a ni dit
tliu' down agin, to give tho Prince
kin see him
a rock.
When "Ti e frost was on the pumpkin an' the
;as in the shock;"
Ad' 1 hear a laughing voice 1 loved, with music
iu it ; trill—
Bo I got to thiukin' of him, an' that night in
She" y ville.
vomier ef t kuuiv jest w bul It
So 1 set here uu'
means,
When 1 se • 'em print, his p«>etry in all the maga
zine ;
An' I see I i.n on tho platform with the James and
Hov-'lls set.
An' hear Fio people savin', "He's f lu» best one of
'en: yet;"
An' 1 keep a winkin' back the teore tluu make icy
fool eyes shina,
Fer 1 couldn't feel uo prouder ef he'd hen a boy
of mine;
Fer he's Jest the same old Riley, an' he'U be the
same Jim still,
thu uight 'at blin an' me set up at 8hel
Aa he
byville.
—Robert J. Burdette iu Brooklyn Eagle.
Af. aid of Daylight.
"Do you realize, young man," he said
•olemnly, "that when you lie down at night
you muy be called liefore the morning
dawns»"
"No, sir," replied the young mon, "I feel
quite safe at night; lint when I get up in the
morning I realize that 1 muy be called before
tbe setting tuu light., up tbo western sky."
"Just so."
"Just exactly so. sir; I'm a baseball um
oiro."—New York Bun.
A Weather I lx pert.
Passenger (to stranger)—So you think we
are to have u hot Rummer, sir?
Stranger (pounding the seat)—Think? I
don't think anything about it—I kuow so!
The whole country, sir, wiil sizzle until snow
flics!
Passenger—You seem to Ikj positive.
Stranger—Positive? Why, 1 am us sure of
I am that l run the finest hotel in the
Dogskill Mountain! Put that card in your
pockot; it may save your life 1—Life.
it
Education Iu Missouri.
•»What are you duiug now, iioozbyl"
''Teaching school."
■*fcaching school! Why, you can't sjiell a
word of two syllables."
fc- "I know thut, but I can lick any two pu
pils together."—Lincolu Journal.
E;»y to Cotnimte.
"Wlmt's my bill?" inquired a Chicago dele
gate of the hotel clerk.
"Number of room?"
"I didu't have u room. I slept ou tho
billiard table."
"Oh, sixty a cuts
hour, plensc."—Time.
A Wider Experience.
Dumloy (who has given Featherly a cigar
from his privnto 1 six) —I've smoked worse
cigars than these, Featherly.
Featherly—Ye-es, Dumley, 1 a'pose you
have; but you must remember that you are
older man than 1 aui.—Life.
Nil
•fust Ills Lurk.
Passenger—What's wrong?
Brakeman— 1 The train behind us can't slow
There'11 ho nn awful collision.
Passenger--Aud i'll lie kiiial. That's just
like my luck. I was foolish enough to buy a
return licket. — Detroit Free Press.
up.
A Question of Time.
Young Sappy-1 was knocked senseless by
a polo ball two years ago.
OUI Happy— H«*» loug before you expect to
recover ?— Exchange.
Eailly Explained.
Employer—You voiau .to your work later
Can you explain It»
1 go to bed later and
and toter, -young man.
Clerk—Ye*, »ir.
Inter. —New Haven New,
MORE KICK8.
"Lot
long
they
"I
away."
Specimens Illustrating "The Artxoua nick
er's" Vigorous Policy.
We extract the following from the last
issue of The Arizona Kicker:
"Oüb Policy.—H eretofore, as our readers
know, The Kicker has almost entirely ab
stained from publicly criticising the evils
w hieb all know to exist under our nom We
have become tired and disgusted with our
selves for this lack of spunk, and next week
wo shall open a red hot campaign on
"The mayor,
"The common council,
"The flro department,
"All secret societies,
"The saloons,
"The gambling dens,
"Aud on various other organizations and
institutions reeking with corruption.
"It will to a spicy issue. It will mak«
more than a ton of human hair stand oti end.
It will make a thousand hearts thump lik«
pile drivers. Chicanery, deceit, hypocrisy,
theft, robbery, arson uni murder will be
properly tagged off aud the tags pinned to
the right coat tails.
"Order your extru copies at au early date.
Advertisers should send iu their copy by
Saturday. Don't neglect this golden oppor
tunity. Another may never coine."
"Stopped His Paper.—O ld Steve Bridge
man, who has several times been alluded to
in these columns as the meanest white man
in Arizona, lias stopped his paper because we
did not have a column editorial on the Fourth
of July. Ho says wo are no patriot, and that
a man who can't whoop 'er up for Independ
ence Day is a cussed rebel.
"Wo have scratched his name off the list,
and if he doesn't quit lying about us we'll
scratch his carcass off the face of the earth.
"As to tho Fourth of July, we were born
on that. day. As to patriotism, we've got
more iu our heels than old Steve could hold
in his whole body. lbu man who intimates
that we don't take our hat off every time we
hear the came of George Washington is a
liar aud a horse thief. Our editorial on the
Fourth was a solid chunk of patriotism
weighing twenty-five pounds, but was
crowded cut to make room for advertise
ments. Wu know our guit and we think we
know the great need of most of our towns
people. As to okl Steve Bridgeman, we are
expecting two or three of his six or seven
wives to drop iu on us any day and furnish
uh some powerful good reading matter.
Don't be uneasy, Stephen—we'U get to you
in a few days." -
•'Wahnino.—W e are no fighter. We have
neither the sand nor tho muscle to make one.
Wo ul ways knuckle unless there's a chance
to run. We admit to a dozen lickings iu the
last three months, ami in every case we were
the only one who suffered.
"However, wo want to warn the coyote
who plastered our office door w ith mud the
other night that the worm will turn,
are the worm. When we turn be had better
look out. Wo can be kicked, cuffed, iu
ui suited aud uhused up to a certain limit. How
far off the Limit is we don't know, but when
wo reach it wo shall bo a bad, bad man to
fool with."—Detroit Free Press.
"You
lose it.
"Yes,
strings
nervous,
off tho
"Not
"Is
"He
children
eyesight
finders
"Yes.
"No,
has
Now
and
please
"He
ought
sbo
to
to
Saw
vour
I
than
-
We
you
to
How to Write a Dialect Story.
Tako a number of sheets of new' white paper
and write a story on them. Any story will do.
Got your double barreled shot gun and load
it with fine bird shot.
Pin your story up against tho side of a barn,
stand off about twenty feet, aim carefully
nail let both barrels drive.
If you find that there haveu't been suf
ficient vowels knocked out, repeat the oper
ation.—Judge.
to
is
old
a
the
in
llobson*« Choice.
It
and
of
icy
boy
the
Do
if
vm
»
V
f
\
/
Nl
jf'Ä
br\Ÿ'
to
said
feel
the
um
Lv
"What? Leave these cool breeze* for a
summer in Canada!"
"Well, my husbund is there—and"
"Gooducss! Tho idea of his going there!"
"Well, he preferred Canada to Sing Sing."
— Lila _
we
I
so!
snow
of
the
your
One More Disappointment.
Employer—William, you have now worked
Tor m*» three year*.
"Yes, sir."
"Aud I have always found you industrious,
painstaking and honest."
"1 have tried to be, sir."
"Now, I desire to show that I appreciate
your fidelity."
"Tliauk you, sir."
"For the next two months you will work
thu liooks until 11 o'clock every night. 1
do not fear to leave you iu the office ulone at
till. I have a great deal of confidence in
you."—Lincoln Jour nul.
a
pu
A Dude's Joke.
Fweddie's wardrolie suffered severely in
the lire at the Southern hotel. Uis friend
Cholly, meeting him on the street, observed:
"Oooil gwacious, Fweddie! Wiiatevuh have
you done with youah good clothes» You
look liUontwnnip."
"Deah boy, my clothes are 'soaked.' "
"Dcuh me! Didn't know you were in such
straights, my boy. What did you get on
(hem f
"Watahl Ha ha'"—Chicago Tribune.
dele
tho
cigar
worse
you
are
Why Re Didn't Want It.
"Darriugcr, have you a half dollar that
you don't want»"
"Why, certainly. Here it is."
The next day:
"Say, Darriugcr, that Half dollar you gave
me wns a counterfeit."
"Yes, Bromley. You asked me if l hail a
half dollar that I didn't want."--Life.
slow
just
buy a
A Suggestion.
A New York physician says that moro sud
den deaths take place ou the fourth floor of
buildings iu that city in
other parts of the houses r
• d th is alarming fact, architects should make
it a point to omit the fourth fl or when de
signing a six or eight story building.—Nor
•'istown Herald.
year than in all
uhiued. In vie»
by
to
An Cniiece»«ery Inault.
Tramp—Madam, will you giv» me «ome
Hiing to eat I
Madam—1 kin give you uu old e*»t if you
vanflt
Tramp—Madatr., do yon take mu for »
Y orkvili. goat»—Tima.
later
It»
and
The New First Read« r.
!
"Lot us go upoa tho street car and take a J
c with what swiftness laddi
I
long ride. Do you
they moveT'
"I do. The motiou almost takes my breath
away."
to
Well
A
"You must bong on to your butor you will j attempting
lose it. Do you seo the indy with the pink whimsical
at
"Yes, 1 see her. She is very l alle and | eelf to
U she afraid that the cur will run
:
strings to her bonnet?*'
But
she
ful
heard
"Oh
me!
This
terror
regretted
never
lated
"I
a
ished
ing
after
after
with
can't
kept
and
nervous,
off tho truck f"
"Not exactly. She is worried about the
conductor."
"Is he uot a good timnf'
"He is a noble fellow, with a w ife and ten
children to support, but she is afraid of his
eyesight Do you see that coin in her
finders T*
"Yes. It is a silver quarter."
"No, my son; it U a lead quarter—one she
has b**on trying to get rid of for a month.
Now he comes along aud she bunds it out
and smiles and sweetly exclaims: 'Tickets,
please !' "
"And the conductor?"
"He smiles sweetly but sadly."
"And"
"And returns it with the remark that she
ought to have worked it off on circus day."
"And is she sorrowfulr
"Oh, no. Sho is as mad as a w et lien, and
sbo takes tho number of the car and will try
to bave tho conductor bouuced for incivility
to passengers."—Detroit Free Press.
Employed the Wrong Man.
to
/
/
/
L
own
it
"it's
\7,.
>// •
we'll
won't
ter
to
..Vi
m
j
y/\
/v r
?
•n
*\
as
not
tbe
fore
last,
Dr. 8.—You don't mean to tell m? that old
Saw boues charged you flà for cuttiug off
vour arinf
Mr. R—Yes, #15.
Dr. 8.—Now, why didn't you send for me?
I would have cut both arms off for less money
than that.—Life.
N«» Help for Such.
Scene in the office of M. Pasteur:
Sufferer—Doctor, I have c
you ns u last resort. Cf.n you do anything
to relieve me from the consequences of these
wounds?
Doctor—^Those
bites JMver saw.
Sufferer—Doctor, those arc not dog bites,
they are Jersey musquito bites.
Doctor—My dear sir, I can do uothiug for
you. Next !—J udge.
to cousult
a little the worst dog
you
A Deep Insult.
"Aw, Cholly, I haven't seen you out lately
with Miss Flossie. Anything the maltah,
old boy?"
"Yos, Alfwetl. She insulted me the othah
day, and I've d wop pod her."
"Insulted you, Cholly ? How ?"
"Showed me a little pug dog that she had
twuined to sit upw igbt and suck the bead of
a cane, bah Jove!"—Chicago Tribune.
How He Knew.
"Don't you know who I am?" asked G us
Do Smith of an Austin gentleman, who had
just, returned from Mexico utter a long ab
scence. "Certainly I do. You aro De
Smith, Gus Do Smith. »So help me heaven!
if 1 hadn't known your Christian name, 1
uover would ha\o r'V'ognized you, you have
changed so much."—Texas »Siftings.
Her Wt.lk Cratified.
Fair Daughter—Oh, 1 would give anything
to fine n real, live count.
Fond Father—lluve you never seen one»
"Never."
"Como to tbe win.h
"Wliyf"
"An Italian organ grinder is getting ready
to play."—Lincoln Journal.
a minute.'
a
Evidence of Fondues*.
"Charlie gave mu the cold shake last
night," confessed an Oakland girl to her
mother.
"Why, I thought he was so fond of you,"
replied the lady.
"Oh, he is. It was a milk shake."—Pitts
burg Chronicle.
work
1
at
in
tho Fly.
She—Oh, Arthur, what do tho poor cow
boys in Texas do when they w aut a girl to
talk to?
He_Give it up. Use their lassos, prob
ably.—New Haven News.
Catch Them
Soulful Music.
A new song is called "My Mother's Hand."
We suspect it is a sequel to "Mamma's Blip
per;" and when introduced among tho chil
dren "there's music in the heir."—Norris
town Herald.
in
friend
have
You
such
on
Bertoiisly Maimed.
A
%
-in
smr «
mV
/
Egt
that
gave
hail a
mu
Cordley—How do, chuninth', old boy?
Blaudloy—For mercy's sake!
maitah with vour hand?
Cordley - Did it carrying this beastly buck
horn umbwella handle.—Judge.
What's the
sud
of
make
de
all
vie»
True to II Ik Color«.
"There wuz Bill Newton, Lyin' Bill, we all
"allod him. Ne «(ft* wu/ near water all his
life, yet he wax alwuvs tel I in' about the fish
he'd caught. Once » hen he wax sick with
the jaunders his father *avs to him: Bill,
how are you feelinT 'Finer 'u a fiddle,' sez
Bill 'That settles it,' sez the old mau, and
be started off for the undertaker. His con
furdunce wuz not misplaced. When he come
(>ack »1th the undertaker Bill was a corpse."
-Chicago Newa
«ome
you
for »
ON LIFE'S THRESHOLD.
-
laddi aU Illustrating the Unjust Punish
ment of Children.
MR.
Well doe. the writer remember the cue of
A parent who whipped hi. little daughter,
attempting to overcome in this way her
whimsical terror of the dark when left alone
at night. Tho poor little maid sobbed her
eelf to sleep that night.
Dut
Wu
Ing
Well.
(Scene,
John
a
Mr.
—This
of
strained
Oh!
But the next evening, five minutes after
she had been left alone with the. to 1er, fear
ful dark, her terror overcame her dread of
punishment, and a pitiful little voice was
heard at tho head of the stairs:
"Oh papa, please come up here and whip
me! I'm so 'fraid of the dark!"
This convinced tho father that the child's
terror was moro than a whim, and he deeply
regretted his hasty punishment, which was
never repeated. Tho following iucidcnt, re
lated by a father, is of the same nature:
"I shall never forget, though 1 have wished
a thousand times that I could, how I pun
ished little Mamie for continually pronounc
ing a word wrong—as I thought willfully—
after I had tried hard to make her say it
correctly. She was quiet for a few moments
after I punished her, and then she looked up
with a quivering lip and said:
"Pupa, you will have to whip me again. I
can't say it."
"You can imagine how I felt, and how I
kept on remembering the look on her face
and the tone of the sail little voice."—Youth's
Companion.
r
Faith aud Works«
She was 8 years old and lived In the
country ; she had started one day rather lute
to school with another little girl about her
On their way they caught a
own age.
glimpse of a clock dial through au open door;
it lacked five minutes of VI.
"Oh, dear!" exclaimed the pious little girl,
"it's five minutes to 9, aud we'U b late to
school."
"I'm afraid we will." *
"Jennie," said the pious little girl, im
pressively, "I'll tell you what we must do;
we'll kneel right down here and pray that we
won't be late!"
"H'm!" said the other, "I guess we'd bet
ter skin right along and pray as we go!"
They "skun " and got there.—Boston Tran
script
Anti
you
iu
After
am
is
The ingenuity of some school children In rett,
getting over the knotty questions propounded
to them in the recent examinations was ver
He Didn't l*a«H.
tlie
pond
and
tho
i at
as large as those of Europe, but they get !
there just tho same." und
It goes without saying that that boy didu't
pass.—Newark Journal.
*-snake
First Theatrical Manager—You had a bad
season, I hear. to
Second Manager—Oh, yes, frightful. Did |
not play to a paying house during tho trip. •
Made money out of it, though. |
First Manager—How in the world could
ing
tainly surprising, according to the stories
some of the school teachers tell. One boy in
tbe Summer avenue school, iu tho Eighth
ward, scratched his head for a long time be
fore attempting to "compare the animals of
North America with those of Europe,
last, iu his desire to sav something, ho wrote:
"The animals of North America are not
At
for
A Successful Sea
you do that ?
Second Manager—Oh, I always put up the I
company at hotels with fire escapes.—Boston !
Post. I
Indige tible. j
Thompklns—Hello, old boy! I hear you
have married a literary woman. Mend your
own stockings and all that sort of thing, I
suppose? av.
Smithkins—Ye-es. But that isn't the h0
worst of it. She sometimes mislays her , l
poems in tho bread, and they are apt to
make it a trifle heavy, don't you know.—
Judge.
had
of
All in the Accent.
us
had
ab
De
1
;
i
ll
$1
B
a fellow; a fellah; and a feller,
—Harper's Weekly.
last
her
you,"
Not Strong Enough.
"Did you write those verses in today's
paper, entitled 'In a Dream V " queried Me
Pelter of Poeta Naseitur Non Fit.
"Yes. What did you think of them?"
"I didn't read them very closely, but I
thought you missed it in the title."
"How?"
"You should have called them 'In a Night
mare!' ''—Detroit Free Press.
cow
to
prob
Or the Fat Woman Who Moves Up.
"Things That Never Die," is the title of •
We have searched in vain,
magazine poem,
however, for any mention of tbe mu who
■ticks to the end seats of an open horse car.—
Boot ud Shoo Recorder.
Blip
chil
Making Preparation«.
Citizen (to stranger)—You seem to be in
trouble, friend; I notice tears in your eyes.
Stranger—It's nothing serious, sir. I have
to plead in court to-morrow, ud Pm
practicing on my speech before the jury.—
Epoch. _
« COSO
«
A Palpable Evidence.
A Spanish astronomer has ascertained that
there are rain and snow on tbe moon the
same as on the earth. That dark spot over
the left ear of the man in the moon, then,
must be an umbrella.— Burlington Free
Pres».
Her Choice.
A Miss Leg, of Montana, has just married
a man named Hand. She thought she would
ret her bo a right Hand than a left Lsig. —
New York Tribune.
Mutual Recognition.
Smith—Why, excuse me, sir, but that is
tbe umbrella I lost.
Brown—Excuse ma This is tbe umbrella
I found.—Detroit Free Press.
buck
the
Chicago's Regret.
Chicago bos reason to regret that the world
la so small. Carter Harrison is more than
half way around it already.—Chicago Newa
all
his
fish
with
Bill,
sez
and
con
come
Tervlbl. Revenge.
To get rid of a bore: Mamma—Nurae, 1/
Mr. Bore i» «till bere in a quarter of an hour
bring in baby—Texaa Sifting«.
A Hint for Buatnaas Men.
Honor and «home from do condition riae;
your pert, which ■ne^.«*™^
Act well
hears)
dowu
Mr.
are
your
match.
haps
but 1
lur's
his
Mr.
This
Mr.
Mr.
Mr.
have
WANTKI), A BURGLAR,
MR. NORRIS SUCCEEDS IN FINDING
ONE.
Dut Unfortunately for Him, the Burglar
Wu- True to Ills Calling - An ICmbarrass
Ing Scene—But All's Well That KmU
Well.
(Scene, the dining room Id Mr. Sutherland's
Cv»untry house. Time, midnight. Enter Mr.
John Norris, a guest at tho house. He carries
a candi-* iu oue hand aud a basket in the other.)
Mr. Norris (placing tho basket on the table)
—This is such a peculiar situation thut out
of regard to my own self respect 1 am con
strained to offer nn explanation—to myself.
Oh! Kate, Kate! Adorable creaturo that
must
(Sho
open
uuder
«toppe»
suoa,
iu
My
do
things
And
again
the
, ,"
J
up
as
in
f
! ill
, m
*5,
so
r)'
is
is
tl«
X
v.
;•
r
m
i
if
»i
f
even
<>f
Anti throwing up th* window with a bang.
you arc, you little know (clasps his hands, and
iu doiii" s » drops the l»asket. A lot of silver
tumbles on the floor. Hastily recovering
himself)— Confusion 1 (Listens attentively.)
After all, no luirm done. To continue, 1
am desperately in love with Miss
Sutherland, und so, 1 am sorry to say,
is Barrett, also Jarrett, likewise Gar
In rett, guests with me at Mr. Sutherland's,
Until now no one of us could claim any de
cided advantage over the others. But day
before yesterday wo all go out for a sylvan
stroll. Miss Sutherland insists on feeding
tlie swans, and while doing so falls into the
pond I, who would die for her anywhere
and on the slightest notice, don't boo it. But
Barrett does and pulls her out. 1 point out
tho fact that tlie pond is only two teet deep
i at that particular plain*, but Barrett, ne ver
! theWs, becomes a hero, and Jarrett, Garrett
und myself go into the background. Then,
yesterday we go on a picnic. Miss Sutherland,
while walking with Jarrett, is uttackcd by a
—boa constrictor, according to Jatrett,
rho dispatches it and thereby wins - her un
dying gratitude. Garrett and myself go out
to look for tho monster and find a harmless
| little garter snake. Neither of them will uc
• knowledge it, however, und Garrett and 1
| have to apologize. This morning wo try a
little target shooting. Garrett goes blunder
ing around-md gets shot in the leg by Miss
i'J have allot him mvwlf with
in
of
At
hi
the I Sutherland,
! pleasure. Miss Sutherland is tenderly re- !
I proachful all day, and I am voted a brute
for saying it served him right. I can't stand
j aI ) y longer. Not to bo a hero argues
you that I cannot he one. I therefore propose to
llia k e my own opportunity. At great per
I | discomfort I lmve succeeded in keeping
av. ako until every one else is asleep. 1 have |
the h0 eured tho basket of family plate and am:
her , l )W about to materialize a burglar. (Gathers
to m> the silver and tics it up in a tablecloth.'
my pistols. (Cautiously
The door of the butler's ;
pantry ojxmih and Mr. Willie Vliter, profes
sionnl burglar, steps into the room.)
Mr. Vilter (artistically hefting the bundle)
—Wot willnny this is. Oh! My eyes, Wil
•hness! (Shoulders the
about to depart. Tho door
Now for
There,
leaves the ri*om.
; Ham, but Vre's
i s\vng and i
o;>eus and Mr. Vilter has just time to reach
the pantry again when Mr. Norris rushes in,
fires both pistols, and throwing up tho win
dow with a bung that takes all the glass out
of it, begins an indiscriminate fusillade.
The household in various stages of undress
rush in and contemplate the scone of car
uage.)
Mr. Sutherland (excitedly)—What has hap
|iened! 1 insist upon knowing.
Mr Norris (sententiously)—Burglars! (Miss
Sutherland screams und is simultaneously
iqmrted by Barrett, Jarrett and Uarrett.)
ill-. Norris—Fact, I ossuro you. Heard a
noise down hero and resolved to investigate.
Caught the fellow doing up the plate und
and went for him. llu hroko away and
jumped through the window. Must apolo
gize for shooting ill tho house. Beared you
all awfully, I'ui afraid. Shoulda't have
done it.
Mr. Sutherland (ruefully contemplating
the fragments of a Sevres vase)—Well, pér
imas not.
Mr. Norris (cheerfully)—Anyhow the silver
s safe.
Miss Sutherland—Yes, but where is it»
(Looks uround fearfully.)
Burrctt
Jarrett
Garrett )
Mr. Norris (slightly rattled)—Oh, the—
why -er— I put it there—that is to say, the
burglar. (Breaks off abruptly and begins to
ixilish li is brow with a handkerchief.)
Barrett)
Jurrett VHumph!
Uarrett I
B Ü
Me
I
(\Vith groat unanimity)—That's
v so. Show it up.

vain,
who
car.—
in
have
Pm
that
the
over
then,
Free
:
"
J.
m
At
J?
would

O
f
'sfj\
is
\
1
L
world
than
Newa
Lui i.i cleverly $topped by A orris.
Sir. Sutherland (gravely)—The silver is
certainly gone. I looked for the plate th«
first thing.
Mr. Norris (wildly)—I'll swear it was GO
the table wheu 1 jumped for him.
Miss (Sutherland—Perhaps the burglar did
take it. I should think he would, siuc« that
i$ what he came.for.
Bs^-ett (In a half aside that everybody
1/
hour
hears) - By the way, Norris, what wer« you
dowu stall's for half aif hour açof
Mr. Norris (confusedly)--11 Why, wluit
are you talking ubouU
Barmt (persistently)—You were not tu
your room, anyhow, for I went in for a
match.
Jurrctt (with au air of hesitation)—Per
haps 1 ought not to sav anything about it,
but 1 saw Mr. Norris coming out of the but- ;
lur's room with a bundle of something uuder
his uriu. 1 don't know—
Mr. Sutherland (gravely)—By all means.
This must I« cleared up.
Mr. Norris (dus|Hsrately)—Miss Sutherland i
Mr. Sutherland, is it poesibU
Mr. Sutherland—I shouldn't, Mr. Norris,
have believed
The
Clone
The
Her
Her
Or
This
To
He
She
The
And
This
Of
And
I
Miss Sutherland »warmly) —What perfect
nonsense you are talking. Mr. Norris, you
must take some brandy ; you really must. \
(Sho run* to tbo butler's iwntry aud throw* wh „
open tho door. Mr. \ liter, with the plate
uuder his arms, makes a dash, but is cleverly «
«toppe» by Norn, A terrific .trugglo o.? !
suoa, which end. in the burglar .raping .!w
through the window, hut leaving the silver !
iu tho possession of Norris There are a few
momenta of universal stupefaction.)
Mr. Sutherland (warmlyembracing hlm)- I ^ h
My noble fellow! What can 1 say» | ** ut
Mr. Norris (breathing very h»i d)-Oh, N- !
nothing-nothing, 1 assure you. 1 often- |
do this-kiud of tiling. ,books unutterabl.
things at Miss Sutherland). beauty
Barrett (aside to Darret« -Too often. °??
Mis, Sutherland (w.th lively warmth)- ,° b J^
And to think that he actually came back ' usresqu«
again after that terrible struggle. Why le
the world should he want tot | rU
« . „ , . . ceived
, ," r : ,u KU, ' U 1 du, '* know ' " d b * making
. -, j in
Oarrett (gloomily to Jarrett,ee; and ^
equal
: Now,
I is an
rical
, t , ... .an
event, that >mi ought to provide , .
di » » i , 1 lateral
yourself with an efficient burglar alarm?
J M . u „ . i ,i i . I , tv u eye,
Miss Sutherland (blushing—\\ ell, vcs. , «
. »• r, .. , , . , , „ !. , ,
jMr. SutUenaud ,.„ilea l*n gnant.y picks
up the plate bosket and give, the signal for « ..
getieia e] lire.) line,
Barrett (lingering behind, and » to vocc called
oDanvt «ml Jarre t>—1 hat burg ar n.usl
have wanted tremendously for souictUing. joi «
Jarret (sententiously)-Not ha as much ' ha
as Norris wanted a burglar. (Curtain.)- anKer
uue> j From
:
At the club the other ulght a group of !
estent men were telling uieulutus .1 fron
tier life. Here is one wbieh struck me us bo
ing particularly gmsi. '.''liose who have been 1 kinds
in the "Fur West'* aud bave lived aninug i
f routier men will ..into it, 1 dare say. !
of the Indian war of 1882, it : > f
seems, th*u. Blieriiiau paid a visit to Cuuij 1 front
Apaeho, in Arizona. While there a huge !»
redskin, who was captain of tho scouts, fol '°<'
lowed tho general wherever he went, aud
frequently liegged as a present one of the lml
siiiull cannons standing ou tile parade I
first
"No," replied the Indian iu his guttural if
j uul
1
I a
!
' that
I
I
! they
I
I live
Norris isn't likely to.
Miss Sutherland (timidly)—Why, he might
even take it into his head to try it again.
Mr. Norris (crossing over to her side)—
Don't you tuink thut in v tew of the |ioesibility
<>f such
a
1
a
voice; "want to kill cowboys with it.
«oldien with a club."—New York Trihuuo.
There I« a Difference.
hi the cours*
grouiul. Finally the general impatmutly
turned to the Indian, exclaiming:
"What do you want with the cannon, any
way? Do you want to kill my soldiers
with it?"
re- !
to
|
am:
A Boston Introduction.
O
m
m
ÿ> '
/.
;
! üh
;
j
Miss South Church (to Miss Beacon Hill)— j
My dear, let mo present Mr. Scolopax, presi
deut of the Yale Boat club. i j n
The Presented—Beg pardon—ah, Miss
Church, but my namo is Snipe. !
Miss South Church—1 know, sir; but you w
will purdon me if I think the Iatlin prefer
. . „ . ...
A Comtem..,.! Mnr.lerer's Joke.
A young lawyer called on Deacons one day ■
with a tievy oi young ladies, and, peering |
between the bars of the cell door, be said: -
"Ah, Deacons, if I had had your case six
months ago, you would not 1« where you an ; ,
now—behind the bars of a prison cell.
"Yes. Sir. , I believe that If I had
you for a lawyer I d been banged six months
. ,, , , .
Deacons chuckle.! for a few minutes over |
the discomfiture and busty retreat of the ,
legal gentleman and the ill concealed mirth ,
of tbo ludios, and tlien went ou talking to tbe
reporter.—Rochester Rosi-Express.
\
;
the
door
*?
r
r 1
ï),
i
in,
win
out
car
w
■inmjumü
IP
\
hap
(Miss
a
und
and
you
have
pér
silver
it»
the—
the
to
able.—Life.
ago."
A Peculiar Misfortune.
First Belle—Miss Smith met with a pecu
liarly unfortunate uccideut this moruiug.
Did you henr about it?
Second Belie—No! What was it?
First Belle—Wbv, sho was down at the
beach bathing, when she inadvertently
slipped off a rock and fell iuto thu water.
Becond Bulle- Was it deep? Did she take
First Bello—Oh, no; I guess not. She
»eramMed out easily enough. But the hath
ing di ess is irretrievably spoiled.—Life. j
6
No Reason to Repine.
Clerk (to employer)—Mr. Lowberry, I f
would like to he excused from work thi.
• ftemoon.
"What's the matter nowF
"A beloved aunt is dead and I would like
to attend the funeral."
"Let's seo—vou'vo lost four beloved «unto
this year. Hive you any more of them»"
"No, sir; hut I have live uncles."-Uncoln
j our nui. i
Row Re Achieved Wealth.
"I understand that Col Blear is very
wealthy."
"Yes, he's worth about 8100,000."
"How did he make itl"
"He made it out of coal oil."
"Indeed("
" Yea, his wifo lit the Are with kerosene,
and ho got all her money."—Lincoln Jour- ,
Prompt Acquiescence. j
Young Wife -Henry, 1 want to ask a favor
of you.
Young Husband—All right; go ahead.
"Uo quit smoking that beiutly pijia"
"Certainly. Huud me the other one."—
Detroit Free Press.
■soldi
m
uul.
is
th«
GO
did
that
Truth In Metaphor.
Al—Charlie enya be i> buffeting Ui» way
through l.fe. Wtatdoe* he mean»
Ed - Ha'« a free lunch dead.—TUna,
THE MEADOW LILY.
The meadow illy Is a queen.
Clone clasped the spears of gram between!
The dusky «peeks of oistre dot
Her cheeks la many a tawny spot.
Her robes out of a rainbow drawn.
Or colored In some flaming dawn.
This dauliux Indian queen puts OB
To greet her love, the royal sun.
He cries the Illy Is a light—
She dames t»v day and glows by night;
The grass blades stretch to touch bar brsMl
And at her feel the lark doth rest.
This queen of lillea drinks the heat
Of Augustas a nectar sweet.
And like some robber queuti of old
Waylays tho sun, demanding gold.
wh „ t „„ ow P . lnt . r K. 1,1 a Ckleagn
Reporte
« , . , . ..
! p,e "" UT
.!w hat J^u, vl rof^o.r'
! \ . . .
^ ? I,. . " "
had A*" ^ .T
I ^ h *; t,e ' l , h * ■£?. *"<*
| ** ut . ,f " 1 " ork of owat.on justastb.Orecbu.
! ® U . the ,r^
| ,n . the abstract» b n formity and
r jT *? ' w ° d ^ 1 lnot 1 kind * «*
beauty according to the predominance of
°?? th « 0,her of lhe «> P rinc P le *. in
,° b J^ ™ere »■« s ymmetr ical and a plot
' usresqu« l*«uty The former nay be tough*
*°. * hat ° ne
| rU "\ l ^ a ^
ceived by the generality of mankind and
making it. effect felt, can only be produced
in works of art by men of geuiua The higb
^ of p„/ fei . tlon ta \ be result
equal balance of both classes of beauty.
: Now, the nude human figure well developed
I is an example of this, because the symmet
rical beauty liears to the picturesque beauty
.an apparently equal ratio. For instance, the
, . , L .. 7_ ..
lateral halves are perfectly uniform to the
... ,
eye, and the principal divisions In a really
, « ♦•# « # , . . _
beautiful form ought to have certain rela
ot Ucr
« .. Tbug from tb „ crown of the he ad toa
line, which in the terrestrial globe would ba
called , th . wbul , .
,, the thigh joint to the knee
joi « t from the latu , r * t J be bee , and from
' ha elU)W {nt ^ end o{ the , ongM ,
anKer (, wc J b ulle -fourth of the whole length.
j From the crown of the head to the chin is
: one-eighth, and from the elbow joint to the
of ! *i»oulü« r joint isone-flfth of the whole length. •
s y»nmetrical tmauty of the facial sur
w, ' en vlew ' ,,1 111 f uBfront, abowesimilar
1 kinds of projairtiona Upou the conjugal
i hnnieter of the oval form the eyes are borl
! totally placed. From the eyes to the end
it : > f the nose, from the latter to the chin, and
1 front the top to the bottom of each enr should
!» one-fourth of the whole length. The
'°<' uth "hould 1» placed at onethird of the
ength between nose and chin, and the mouth
the lml ««*» uf tl18 W** 8hi ; ulcl >» horizontally
I mi<-Hfth of the conjugal dinmetor.
"It is entirely different with the picturesque
jeauty of the human form. There are in the
first place light, shade and color (Secondly,
,ln*nwiru the ever varying undulations of
forms of the external muscle« and the changes
if these form, by the im.umerable position.
j uul nibtmus of the niemberv to which these
1 nuscles t>elong, and in the third plat* there
I a the expression of countenance depending
ipon the operations of the mind, and the
! ;orre8ixindence between this expression and
' that of the attitude and motion of the whole
I Bgiire. All these points form the picturesque
I beauty with which genius alone can deal, for
! they are subject to no rules that can be
I taught und belong exclusively to the imita»
I live art."—Chicago Herald.
CONCERNING PHYSICAL BEAUTY.
An ArtUtle View.
Tli. I ml Ian «lid lb* Telephon..
Id a small town clone to an Indian reeerrar
:ion, one of tbe doctor« has his ofllo« oon
accted with his house by a téléphona A
$ront many Indians ure In town almost erery
; lay, und it takes considerable now to aston
! üh t hem as they ure very observant and hav«
(ixhI meinorles.
An iiu)iortant chief named Bob Tall Crow
; was in town a short time ago on some bnsi
As he could not talk English an inter 1
j prêter was needed. None could be found.
Finally some one suggested that Charli«
j Blank, the doctor's stepson, could talk Crow.
wns do wn at the house, but tbe office be
i j n g handy the telephone waa called into
Miss requisition. Charlie, who wa» acquainted.
! with this particular Indian, was notiflad of
you w | iu t was wanted. The instrument wee
placed in the Indian's hands and be was in
structed how to hold it. Un placing ft to hie
jar, be was greeted with a question in his
^ laagua ^ (^„„temation aud astonish
day ■ wertJ depicted on his countenance. He
| Jsked wbo jt waa 0n tH , jng Uj |,i that It was
- barlle B | ank , be ralH d bi , band carefully,
six 3Xam j ne d t |,e transmitter and everything
an ; , olmeoUyl B . itb it. and then burst out with,
"Show Charlie, he tuflt, talk, talk ms no ssa
had bjm u bow Charlie''— On being shown
(rom the wjndow wbere the house
the wire stretched from pole to pole, his _
over | toni , bnlellt knew no twunda He could only
the , ja ,. ulauj .-Ugh," and left the office fully
mirth , ^ 1)vjllced that the spirit, hail something to
tbe
w
lies.",
His respect for tbe white man I«
do with it.
increased, and he oever tires of telling hi«
fallow red men about the "talking iron," as
they call it.-Detroit Free Press.
pecu
, ,
the reputation in ancient tunes, and the poett
hhdon«««» both native and Greek, hav«
loudly praised b»s fine build and fiery spirit.
take But today the Persian horse is a poor much
abused creature, of ungainly shape, knobby
She beail. pot bellied, and rough of coa t. Th »
hath natives call him "yahoo, meaning a homely
j old critter. ___. .
The amount of work In these animal, la
«imply astounding. For instance, in goinj
I f rom Teheran to Heshlia distance of HUB
thi. mil«». * used chappor gjoeti bons», theeerub
and fag of the yalioo race.
Agb.|»t«, . poor little fellow ttat tad done
like H«>ady what would be thought to h. »good
**y » work in otber countries be ^« tta
«unto twenty three mile, to tbe rtation on top o*
the Kharzan mountain (12,UUU feet bigffi,
over a rough and rocky path, up and down.
up and down, after climbing on «teep moun
i down monstrous declivitiea, to
three and one half hour. Next morn lug, up
very at 4 o'clock, after a luxurious breakfast of
rtrawanda little barley, the plucky little
beast carried me an eveu forty mil« to
Meudjeel. under a broiling sun and over aa
execrable path, arriving at our dectinatiat
before noon. And then, while 1 auk M
hausted on a rug in the ehappar k liane (port
Jour- , bouse), the little yalioo was .till as liraly M
a cricket. Where else in this world are
there horse« to do this, and da it all til« day,
j thelr i| Te ,»_ Wolf Von Schiorbrand to
favor Tb# t^mopolitan.
one."—
Rntluranee of the Persian "Taboo."
The Persian horse enjoyed a pre-eminent
Taking on« at
~ Number Vor a Dinner.
The proper Number for a dinner it being
discussed. Sir Henry Thomson think* tint
eight is the perfect number. Ten hns IU
advantages, since it provide« for MddMM
Twelve is thought to put the suooem of the
in ianger, but after twelve «•»«§
Uhra ia no limit. -N«. Yurklta»
way

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