The Nezperce herald., January 30, 1919, Image 1

About The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957

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THE NEZPERCE HERALD
Subscription, $1.50
NEZPERCE, IDAHO, THURSDAY, JANUARY 30, 1919
Circulation, 1,400
Official Paper Lewis County
Vol. 21, No. 35
,
' I
ij n T* • j*. I
Id groups of the Pacific. I
E. . , , „ ,, „
Kourth—Approval of the council of I
i . . „ , , , ,, I
■-striking of a medal for all troops
i " . 1 I
png part in the war.
. ,, . ,. , ,
fifth—.Authorization to M. Pichon. I
■ , „ , - I
BFrench foreign secretary, to draft
■ .. ,. " . . , I
■ructions for the joint mission which I
I
ibout to proceed to Poland. I
E .. , , , I
■he foregoing embraces some of the
'ORLD PEACE CONFERENCE
PROCEEDING DELIBERATELY.
r ork to Stand Test of Ages Now As
suming Shape.—Brief Story
of Primary Results,
Paris, Jan. 24.—A series of interna
lional events of the highest order took
form today at meetings of the council
If the great powers and the military
iommanders on all tho fronts. Those
Lay be summed up as follows;
I First—The issuance of
solemn
aiming to the world that the posses
on of territory gained by force will
u-iously prejudice the claims of those
ho use such means and set up sov
feigntv by coercion.
a
This déclara
Ion was framed by President Wilson.
I Second—The appointment of
a com
pssiou of the highest military author
B r i including the British minister of
ir, Marshal Foch, General Diaz and
ueral Tasker H. Bliss to carry for
c'd early demobilization and cstab
pi proportionate allied and associat
iforces on the western front.
B'hird—Discussion
of
territorial
Lins on conquered Gorman colonies,
h hearings of interest to Australia,
iv Zealand and South Africa on Ger
a East Africa and tho German is
Ü
ik ,. , „ ,
|t difficult questions before the
, „ ... , .1
Ice conference, with the project-1
E .. . . , 1 ,
■action for tomorrow on the longue
E .. . , , , , .
■ ations, punishments, labor and in
Ifatioiinl highways, it goes far to
i, , . ", , ' „
id clearing the slate of most of the
„ , „
Be objects before the conference.
E,, ,, , . ,
Ehi e the solemn warning with re
I ° .!?. S ainiI1 g 0 eintory >y
fee specified no countries, it cov
.
*1 broadly the warring elements in
I T „ . , b ,
i Ukraine and those around Vilna
I T , , ,
I Lemberg, where bombardments
, , , . , „
fe occurred, and also in the Cau
I , _ ,
ps, where the new- Georgian repub
E ' . , . 6 *
Eis fighting the new Armenian re
L. „ . . . , ,,
►he. Also Serbian inroads on Mont
,, ....
igro as well ns territorial occupa
, ,
% along the eastern Adriatic in
tecc and in Poland.
laris, Jan. 25.—The peace confer
e today unanimously adopted the
|uo of nations project. President
feon and Colonel House arc the
ferican members of the commission
y|l
I
■ '
ge session opened at 3 o 'clock this I
Irnoon in the Salle de la Paix ot I
■foreign office, with the same im
|g setting as the first session, but I
ion.
little ceremony and the manifest I
>se of business.
I Clemenceau was again in the I
f, with President Wilson and the
■American delegation at his right
P'rcmier Lloyd George and the I
!he league of nations is the first
jst on the agenda," said M. Clem-1
hi, as he read the resolutions for-1
ted by the supreme council.
I resolutions are as follows:
;
7
Ih delegation at his left.
I is essential to the maintenance I
e world settlement which the as
led nations now are met to es
ih that a league of nations bo ere
Ito international
fcnd to provide safeguards againsl
IThis league should be created as
legral part of the general treaty
jiice and should bo open to every
Kid nation which can be relied
ito promote its objects,
le members of the league should
Really meet in international con
|c and should have a permanent
ization and secretaries to carry
P business of the league in the
his between the conferences.
le conference therefore appoints
inittee representative of the as-1
id governments to work out the
i of the constitution and the
ins of the league. ' '
resolutions were adopted by tho
fence without change.
I draft calls for the appointment |
pmmission composed of two rop
Itives of tho five great powers I
Ive'representatives of the other
I, to inquire and report on the I
libility of the authors of vlie
I commission shall also inquire
reaches of laws and customs of
Immitted by Germany and the
Bn the land and sea, and in the
pong tho war, as well as the do
it responsibility for those offen -
Inching to particular members
Igeneral staffs and others, how
Ighly placed."
Ident Wilson rose as tho read
Sthe resolutions closed, and in
(father low, earnest tones, spoke
(port of the league, with which
pie has been identified. j
per Lloyd George followed I
m
President Wilson in a brief speech sup
porting the general priciples of the
league. His speech was chiefly not
able for the vivid picture of the ruins
of France and the need of setting up
some system to take the place of this
"organized savagery.''
The Italian premier, Vittorio Or
lando,. also briefly supported the res
olution for the league, speaking of the
high ideals it represented.
The former French premier, Leon
Bourgeois, made the most extended
speech of the day in support of the
resolution.
Paris, Jan. 27.—The peace confer
ence today made a distinct gain when
the 19 small powers gave full adhesion
to the organization formulated by the
five great powers, thus securing a unit
ed front of the great and small powers
at the outset of the work on the main
subjects before the members of the
commission.
For a time there was some appre
hension of the sequel to the different
viewpoints expressed at Saturday's
conference, but today 's meeting of the
small powers was without incident or
renewal of the claims then act up for
increased representation on the var
ious committees. Belgium, Serbia, Ru
mania and all the other small powers
had their full delegation at. the aftor
noon meeting.
B ,.
M. Gambon, in opening the meeting,
, , . , „ ,
took occasion to allude to the great
, , 0 D .
part played by Serbia, Rumania,
t, ... mv j- • . A
Greece and others. This dissipated any
.. . , , . .
lingering shadows of disagreement, and
V. , , ... .. ,
the meeting proceeded with entire har
, , . , ,, , ,. ,
mony to designate the membership of
, ,, & . .
the small powers on the commission.
In the meantime
. , . , , ,
great powers held two sessions during
", -, ... ,, „ ,.
the day, resulting in the formation ot
. . . . , , ...
two new commissions, to deal with
„■ ■ ,
While the official communiques give
. ,. ,. -
no indication of the nature of "the
.. . ... , ,, .. ,
question of maritime law," it would
t0 be B term embracing Presi
^ ent Wilson's second point, freedom
„ ,
of the seas.
, , , , ,
The council also proceeded to hear
. ... .
mgs on the disposition of the eonquor
t-, ....
ed German colonies in the the Pacific
, . .. , , .
and the far east, a final conclusion
... , , .
not being reached. The conference is
. . ., „ ,
giving evidence of real progress since
", ... , , .
the committees were named and most
... , . , .........
of these bodies began to initiate their
, . ,
work today.
The annual meeting of the Odd Fel
lows and Rebekah Grand Lodges was
I. O. O. F. AND REBEKAH STATE
OFFICERS.
held in Boise last week, when the fol
lowing officers -were elected for the
current year:
Lake, grand master; Thomas R. Buck
Odd Fellows.—John P. Isaacs, Spirit
ner, Caldwell, deputy grand master; M.
Re.ese Hattabaugh, Orangeville, grand
warden; Presley F. Horne, Caldwell,
grand secretary; W. A. Coughanour,
Payette, grand treasurer; George H
Schwergor, Ashton, grand representa
tive to the sovereign grand lodge for
one year and Frank Martin, grand rep
reseutativa to the sovereign grand
lodge for two years,
Robekahs.—Mrs. Lillian Langtree, of
Emmett, president; Mrs. Bertha Dawl
dy, Rupert, vice-president; Mrs. Ella
M. Fannin, Sandpoint, warden; Mrs.
Frances Crosson, Riverside, secretary;
Miss Feafy Simpson, Boise; treasurer;
Mrs. Sarah P. Driscoll, Payette, trus
tee. Mrs. Margaret Pomeroy was elect
ed delegate to the national assembly,
Christian Sunday School Notes.
Tho contest between the Bible class
ening much interest. The Young Pco
pl e are leading—13 points to 7—hav
ing had 25 present last Sunday. Join
one of these classes and become a mem
ber of a live organization,
and the Young People's class is awak
Mr. H. G. Anderson has accepted the
position of primary superintendent and
great things are expected of her de
partment.
The Young People's class will be
entertained at the home of Mrs. Los
lie Baskett, Friday evening, Feb. 7th.
Members, prospective members and
friends are invited to attend,
growth and
other schools are invited to join.
_
Great War Correspondent Will Lecture
The school is enjoying a steady
all not identified with
at Lewiston February 4.
Mr. Irwin S. Cobb, famous lecturer,
will be heard in Lewiston, Idaho, Tues
day evening at 8:15, Feb. 4, at the
Temple Theatre. Mr. Cobb will tell of
his experiences in France and Flan
ders, and it is anticipated that his lec
ture will be of extraordinary interest
to the entire community.
Tickets can be secured at Chastains'
drug store, Lewiston.
W. W. Nixon was up from Clarks
ton the latter part of the week pre
paring to resume permanent residence
on his place northeast of this city.
!
1
-1
NEWS OF OUR NEIGHBORS.
Jake Gilbertz, a brother of J. P. of
the Trading Co., arrived here Sunday
night and is visiting his sister, Mrs.
L. N. Jacobs, east of town, as well as
other friends and relatives here. Jake
was enlisted as a soldier, and was about
to cross over the pond when the armis
tice was signed. He is glad that Phila
delphia was as near death 's door as he
was permitted to go, and we have al
ways heard that stale old burg was bor
dering near enough the "stopping
place. ' '—Ferdinand Enterprise.
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Johnson mourn
the death of their daughter Mona, who
passed away at the family home .Sun
day morning. She was i" years old,
but had been ill for some time past of
tuberculosis. Tho funeral was held
from the home Monday forenoon, con
ducted by Rev. James Dixon of Stites,
and the body was laid to rest in the
Indian cemetery on the Nezperce road.
The sympathy of all is extended to the
bereaved parents in this break in their
family circle.—Kamiah Progress.
Engineer J. McCready, accompanied
by M. C. Scott and Janies Hill, of Lew
iston, arrived here Tuesday evening
and on. Wednesday were taken down to
Whitebird, where tho work on
the Grangeville-Whitebird link is to be
commenced at once, Mr. McCready be
ing the costructing engineer for the
state. Tho contractors for this link
sublet the first mile of the road at
White Bird, which extends from White
Bird to the Salmon river and includes
the bridge over the creek. It is esti
mated the cost of this mile will be in
the neighborhood of $25,000.— Grange
ville Globe.
for a number of
George Medved,
years employed on the Free Press, com
pleted a deal lost Tuesday whereby he
became thé owner of the Cottonwool
Chronicle, assuming active management
with this week's issue, which will make
its appearance Friday. H. C. Bailey,
former owner, will return to Coeur
d'Alene, where he is interested in the
American of that place. By close ap
plication to business as an employee,
Mr. Medved has attracted to himself
an enviable acquaintanceship among
the business men and citizens of the
prairie country generally and we be
speak for him a prosperous future in
his chosen field.—Orangeville Globe.
CRUMP ACKER-ROBÎNSON.
In a quiet 'home wedding, which
took place at 7:00 o'clock last even
ing at the residence of the bride's
mother, Mrs. Anna B. Crumpacker, a
mile east, of this city. Lieutenant
Robert B, Robinson and Miss Mayme
Crumpacker were the principals, and
Mr. and Mrs. Hans W. Scheldnioht,
brother-in-law and sister of the bride,
were the attendants; the ceremony be
ing performed by Rev. Father A. W.
Rompe, priest of the local parish.
The bride wore a becoming tailored
suit of blue cashmere and the groom
was attired in the uniform of his mili
tary rank.
Following the impressive and pretty
ceremony, the wedding party enjoyed
a sumptuous wedding dinner, served
by Mrs. Crumpacker and Mrs. Soheld
nicht.
The romance thus culminated in tho
happy union of this popular twain
originated during their student, life
whore he as a member of the Beta
Theta Phi fraternity and she as a
Kappa Kappa Gamma. There they be
came acquainted- and the impressions
of that acquaintance ripened into the
enduring passion.
Tho groom was a student in the
University for three years and entered
the army from there, gaining rank of
lieutenant, and held such rank in the
Machine Gun Battalion at Camp Han
cock, Ga., when tho same was mustered
out of the service a few weeks ago.
His parents reside in Chicago.
The bride is the second daughter of
Mrs. Anna B. Crumpacker of this com
munity and is counted as one of our
most charming and cultured young la
dies.
They will make their homo here for
the present.
Nezperce Garage Changes.
B. J. Fike on last Saturday bought
the Nezperce Garage and Machine
Works from B. F, Kienholz, who has
operated the same the past year. Mr.
Fike is now preparing to take charge,
of the plant, and it will open under
his supervision the first of the month.
He expects to place an auto specialist
on the job and furnish first-class ser
vice for car and tractor users, as well
as continue the general machinery re
pairing business. The equipment at
this big shop is unsurpassed in the
prairie country.
Mr. Kienholz has no definite plans
to give out at the present time, but
expects to try another field in the
near future.
BATCH OF OVERSEAS SOLDIER'S
LETTERS BRING JOY.
The relatives and friends of our sol
diers overseas were
night by tho receipt of many letters
frofii where the big job was done.
No word had been had for months
from Fred Jones, Harold Larkin and
Eph. Testerman, and the fact that
they had been in the thick of the
fighting on the American front, coup
led with this absence of news of them,
created extreme anxiety and apprehen
sion. It is natural, therefore, that
last night's mail brought great re
joicing to tho whole community.
Letters of different date were
received in this mail from each of the
boys, showing that they had occumu
latdd somewhere in transit,
dates even extended back into" the
earlier part of December. The Herald
made glad last
and the
hear vou folks had the influenza, but
hope this finds you well. We are hav
ing fine weather here; no show or
rain, and pretty warm. We have just
finished a 240 kilometer hike and arc
at the Rhine and from the looks of
things everything is over. 1 at least
hope se Fred Jones and all the boys
are well. Things are sure different
here from what I thought they'd be.
Every inch of land is in cultivation,
is glad to be able to give extracts from
one of (hem this week.
This is from
2nd U
Harold l.i.rkin-Heston, Co. B,
S. Engineers, written
Dec, lfi-18, at Worshum, Germany, to
under date of
his brother and sister, Mr. and Mrs.
Arthur Heston, of this city:
"1 will drop you a few lines to let
you know I am well and feeling fine
as can be. I oertainlv was sorrv to
and where it is rocky and hilly, as it
is -here, they plant, grape vineyards
and build them up in terraces. Four
of in- boys arc doing guard duty 14
Udometers from the Rhine on a rail
road bridge. We have been here for
five days and don't know how much
longer they will keep us. These peo
ple treat us fine, wanting to feed us
and give us wine and stuff. They eat
black bread that weighs from four to
five pounds to the loaf about the same
size as our bakery loaf. Shoes cost
from 4Ü0 to 500 marks and white col
lars 40 marks. All milk here is turn
ed over to the government. I guess
you are fixing for a large Christmas
spread. I sure wish I was there to
help eat it; but wish you all a merry
Christmas and happy New Year,
have been on five fronts—Chateau
St. Mihiel, Chnm
We
Boissons,
Thierry,
pagne and in the Argonne woods neai
Verdun."
LOCAL NEWS.
The Artie is running a string of
good ones now.
B. L. Cole returned last night from a
business visit to Seattle.
Try an evening at The Artie. It will
do the whole family good.
Tom Robinson went to Troy the first
of the week in search of a bean mar
ket.
The spring-like weather has started
the budding of trees in the Clearwater
section.
"The Claws of the Hun," is the
title of the big one at the Artie Fri
day night.
"Paradise Garden," another fine
Harold Lockwood feature at the Ar
tie Sunday.
Everybody should see "Tho Claws
of the
night. Its furious.
L. L. Paragrine, proprietor of tue
Cash Bargain Store, is up from Asotin
today on a business mission.
County Assessor E. H. Ratliff is in
Boise this week attending the meeting
of the state board of equalization and
the convention of county assessors.
Arnold Hanzell, representing the
Idaho Trust Co. of Lewiston in the ad
ministration of the Bywaters estate,
was in Nezperce Friday and Saturday
on this business.
Gale Carey last week received his
discharge from the army at Camp
Lewis and on Friday evening joined
his family and old Nezperce friends,
who were all glad to welcome him
home.
Probate Judge Niles has been able
to be at his office the past week, but
is not entirely recovered from a se
vere attack of the grippe which
brought on an extremely painful ris
ing in his head.
An eleven-pound boy was born to
County- Farm Agent and Mrs. A. E.
Wade in this city last Saturday morn
The big fellow and the whole
ing.
family are said to be getting along
nicely and rejoicing over his advent.
A fire alarm at noon yesterday drew
the attention of most of our citizens
from their dinner, and a sufficient
number responded to the call to ex
tinguish the cause of the alarm, which
was a blaze in the woodshed at the
home of Roy Thompson. Tho damage
did not get beyond the shed, thanks
to the ready response of the fire boys
with their ho*®- cart.
BILL TO PROTECT PRICE OF 1919
WHEAT.
Washington. Jan. 28.—An adminis
trillion bill appropriating $1,250,000,
000 to enable the government to carry
out its guarantee to the farmers of a
price of $2.20 a bushel for tho 1919
wheat crop was transmitted to the
chairman of the senate and house ag
ricultural committees today by the
food administration.
The measure, which was drawn by
officials of the food administration
of agriculture,
and the department
was described by some senators as an
omnibus measure which would permit
the president to continue the food ad
ministration in operation and to exer
cise all of tho powers conferred upon
by the food control act.
Under the bill ns drawn govern
ment authority is conferred to control
grain dealers, millers and elevators
or other like powers,"
any agency or agencies ' '
to buy the 1918 and 1919 wheat crops,
" wheat products and other foodstuffs
and feeds," at the guaranteed prices,
regulate export and import of wheat;
require preferential railroad service
as long as the railroads are under gov
eminent control; control grain ex
changes and prohibit trading upon
them "at such time or times as may
be deemed desirable or proper to meet
market conditions and competitive
"by license
and the president would be authorized
1° "create
prices of foreign grown wheat" and
"to prescribe such rules and regula
tions as may bo deemed necessary to
protect the government of tho United
States from paying tho guaranteed
price aforesaid for any wheat other
than that covered by proclamation."
In transmitting the measure to the
committee Chairman William A. Glas
gow, Jr., chief counsel for the food ad
ministration, wrote in order to "main
tain the guaranties in their integrity
to the farmer and to save the treas
ury of the United States from loss if
^hat be possible."
Thus far there ha* been no estimate
to what the cost to the government
of maintaining the 1919 prices would
Officials have said that it de
pended largely upon European needs,
the amount of stocks • in Argentina
Australia and Canada, and whether or
not Russia would have available sup
as
be.
plies for export.
Minneapolis, Minn.,
sage of the administration appropria
tion bill will probably mean approxi
mately
wheat, raisers of the northwest by the
government in carrying out its guar
antee on tho wheat price, millers and
financial men of Minneapolis said to
night.
Jan. 28.—Pas
$300,000,000 will be given
CENTRAL HIGHWAY DISTRICT
CALLS ROAD BOND ELEC
TION.
A mass meeting of over 200 voters
of the Central highway district held
at Ho Saturday passed resolutions call
the commissioners of the dis
ing upon
trict to call a special election at an
early date to submit to the voters the
question of issuing bonds in the sum
of $150,000 for highway construction,
Ho special in the Lewiston
The motion designating the
says an
Tribune.
mint of the bonds was carried with
rim
out a dissenting vote and there
strong sentiment favorable to making
the issue $200,000 in order that a larg
might be available for lateral
was
er sum
construction.
miles of the north and
highway in the Central highway dis
trict and estimates made several
months ago are to the effect the dis
trict's portion of the highway con
struction and the bridge across Law
yer's canyon will be about $65,000.
This will leave n balance of $85,000
for lateral highway construction in the
district and this sum will be suffi
south state
cient to provide a fine system of roads
All comniu
throughout the districts,
nities were represented at the meet
ing today and the sentiment expressed
indicated the proposed bond issue will
bo carried with no opposition.
The resolution committee was com
E. E.
Zimmerman,
posed of Walter
WarnaeUtt, Charles Giles,
borne and R. L. Damrose.
J. L. Os
A plan is on foot to organize a
men's social club in Nezperce, and it
s a move that should be pushed to a
and the indications
-
successful issue
are that it will. There is a need at
all times for such an institution here.
and on occasion the need is a crying
one.
son of Mart.
Everet M. Meiners,
Meiners of west of town, was discharge
ed from the service at the Bremerton
naval station a few days ago and ar
rived home Tuesday evening.
Cal.,
rived at his home
(ion Tuesday.
J. M. Bailey, who has been in the
service and stationed at the Presidio,
was recently discharged and ar
in the Vollmer sec
ORGANIZING "PRAIRIE"
HIGHWAY DISTRICT.
Petitions for Highway District of Ter
ritory Between Central, North
and Kamiah Districts.—Val
uation $2,677,000.
The citizens of this section of Lewis
■county have determined to take up tho
matter of establishing a highway dis
trict of the territory bounded by the
Central and North Highway districts
on the west, tho county line and Clear
water river on tho north, tho Kapiiuh
Highway district on the east and tho
county line on tho south. Petitions to
this end are now being circulated and
the qualified signers are readily af
fixing their signatures thereto.
The Prairie Highway district has
been chosen as the name for this new
organization. It embraces something
near 70,000 acres of the best land out
of doors, and carries a valuation of
$2,577,000. It has a fine natural sur
face for better road construction and
is unusually free from heavy grade
work or bridging. The prime objects
t) f its creation are the taking care of
such portion of the proposed oonnect
ing link of the Lewis and Clark and
north and south state highways, ex
tending from Kamiah to Vollmer, as
will cross its area; the construction
of north and south laterals to this link
and such other laterals as may be re
quired to best serve the district.
With the creation of this district,
major portion of Lewis county will
be under (ho highway district plan,
only tho southwestern section being
yet unorganized. Tho five highway
districts of (he county are; Evergreen,
with an assessed valuation of $900,
000; Central, with an assessed valua
tion of $2,200,000; North, with a val
uation of $1,125,000; Prairie, with a
the valuation of $2,577,000, and Kam
iah, with a valuation of $568,000.
Lewis county is determined to main
tain her reputation for having tho best
ronds of any county in Idaho.
VALUE IDAHO LIVE STOCK $106,
140,000.
The number of horses on farms in
Idaho, January 1, 3919, as reported by
the Federal Bureau of Crop Estimates
276,000, or 11,000 less than on
was
January 3, 1918. Mules are reported
at 4,0.00, tho same us last year. Tho
number of milch cows in tho state has
remained stationary at 139,000 head,
the same as reported last year. Other
cattle have increased somewhat, there
being 537,000 compared with 488,000
last year. Sheep increased from
3,202,000 last year to 3,234,000 this
year, or 1 per cent. Swine are report
ed at 208,000 a decrease of 31,000 from
last year.
In average value per head, as com
pared with last year, horses decreased
$10.00; mules decreased $7.00; cows
increased $9.00; other cattle increased
$4.20; sheep decreased $1.10; and
swine increased $.60.
In total value, as compared with last
vear, horses decreased $978,000; mules
decreased $28,000; milch cows increas
ed $1,224,000; other cattle increased
$4,445,000; sheep decreased $3,133,000;
and swine decreased $88.000.
The total value on January 1, 1919,
of all animals enumerated above was
$106,140,000, as compared with $104,
698,000, an increase of $1,442,000, or
1.37 cent.
Community Church.
Claude B. Martin, minister.
Sunday school at 10:00 o'clock.
Our motto is: "Our Sunday school
must glow and grow and go; and I will
help to make it so." Send your child
ren that they may help in this most
worthy endeavor. Come early to
church and help boost the Sunday
school.
Morning service at 11.00 o'clock.
Anthem by the choir—Mrs Pennell,
director. Sermon, "The Influence of
a Christian Life." Evening service
at 7:30. Sermon by tho minister. You
will find a friendly welcome to all
these services.
The official board and the minister
are moat anxious that this church shall
serve, in a large way, the people of
this community. If you have a sugges
tion as to how this may be done, tell
us. Not only will every man, woman
and child receive a friendly welcome,
but we stand as a friend, ready to
help.
F. M. Dunning, who some time ago
sold his well improved quarter west
of this place, and its 140 acres of fall
crop for $17,000, this week bought the
Jas. Hobart quarter, in tho same sec
tion, with no improvements to speak
of and no crop, for $15,500. He made
this reinvestment in a prairie farm af
ter ho had traveled far and wide
to find something better, and conclud
ed there "is no such animal," at least
at anything like the same price.