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TIMELY TOPICS os jlxxsuuuuljjlsÖ The Eastern question: Who will get Constantinople If the Turk Is expelled? A hat trust is projected. Talking through that article will consequent, y be a dearer boon than it Is now. Why not abrogate the death penalty for every crime except cigarette smok ing? Nature will not permit It in this case. Some of the readiest and wittiest speakers who have appeared In public life have settled down to making for tunes. After all, money talks. A number of papers pictured Mrs. Nation in her bathing suit. Yet they say that there have been men who tried at one time to hold Carrie's hand! If Porto Rico Is to be a part of this country It wants all the attachments that go along, so it has asked Andrew Carnegie to please forward a library by first boat. Thorough mastication is a new-old cure for dyspepsia and kindred ail ments. If people chewed their food more and the air less, this would be an easier world. A distinguished doctor says that women's large hats are responsible for many of the headaches from which their wearers suffer. This Is true enough, but It Is no discovery. Every woman knows it.. A lot of London butchers having been detected In selling horseflesh for beef, It may become a question over there whether all those American mules bought were really intended for the British army in South Africa. The Boston Globe, In a column edi torial, mourns "The Passing of the Lobster." West of the Alleghanies and north of the Ohio, Instead of "passing," the lobster seems to be more virulent and talkative than ever. One told us bow to rnn a newspaper not ten days ago. A church economist snys that $45, 000,000 Is Invested In this country in church steeples. The steeple is high art and cannot be spared. It punctu ates the landscape. Even were the stee ples all sawed off and the money sen: abroad, the heathen would continue to rage and the people to imagine vain things. Let the spire alone. While American dollars are being so licited to preserve historic places in foreign countries. It ought not to be for gotten that the timber on the farm of Daniel Webster Is about to be cut down to be manufactured into matches. Mas sachusetts is helping to "save" the Eng lish lake region. Can It ignore the memory of its greatest eulogist or New Hampshire forget the playground of her'greatest son? Even looting has its humorous aide. A Chinese sneak thief recently entered an American" dining room In Shanghai and abstracted a few teaspoons, a sil ver syrup jug and an old clock, all of which he tacked, Chinese fashion, into his clothes. The syrup ran down, and for a long way the thief's progress could be traced. "What a pity." was the philosophical comment of the own er of the articles, "that the clock did not run down, too!" Of one of onr technical schools It Is told that, when the time came for the class of 1001 to be graduated, only twelve of Its forty members appeared In person to receive their diplomas. The other twenty-eight had already been offered good positions and had gone to work. Mechanical engineers apd edu cated superintendents of construction are in special demand, of course, in prosperous times like these; but in less busy years It la no less true that oppor tunity watts for youth at the school house door. The Csar has acquired a great repu tation as the peace-loving friend of man since the great conference at The Hague. While he deserves ft?i credit for this, bis treatment of Finland has been most despicable. Well might he propose disarmament, with one hand on the throat of Poland and the other on that of Finland. Tyrants naturally like to be let alone. How the Csar can sympathise with the Transvaal as a humanitarian while he is crushing the life and liberties out of Finland and violating an oath held sacred by all his predecessors Is certainly not clear. Books that sell by the hundred thou sand are not common, yet there are some Instances that are not modern. It Is now just about two hundred and forty yean since one lohn Banyan was shut up In Bedford jalL He stayed there twelve yean; bat a book of bis vrent free, and no man since that day could have supp r e s sed or Imprisoned **. even had he wished. Millions of copies of It have been printed. Prob ably more copies are sold in any one month, now, than could have been dis posed of in a year during the author's lifetime, and tl. book Is as vital u part of this twentieth century as it was of any preceding time. There are excel lent Isaiks among the "popular novels," but—spite of all the adulatory comment it would be hard to point out one that seems likely to weather two cen turies and more as bravely us lias "Pil grim's Progress." There is a reverse side to the sem blance of luxury expressed by the mir rors, the gilding, the velvet carpets of many apartment and boarding houses. Ihe head of the luce department In a great store recently spent her two weeks' vacation in a hospital. She laughed at the idea of being ill or even nervous; but she was tired, and for ten years hnd not slept in a real bed. In °ue apartm. nt house, in order to keep her room fitted to receive callers, she slept on a sofa that opened in the mid dle, and had neither sides nor foot board. Six out of seven nights the cov ers pulled off her feet. At another Place her folding-bed fell on her and nearly killed her, so site traded it for a narrow divan, from which pillows and blankets slipped nightly. At the hos pital she finally found n bed wide enough to sleep in crosswise, a bed by day as well as by night, a bed tuck able, with a bolster and counterpane; and she stayed in it for two weeks. In countless cases the make-believe bed is the symbol of a sham and comfortless existence for which apartment life is largely responsible. The Navy Department is encounter ing difficulty in securing enough sea men and apprentices to man all its war ships. This naturally is u source of an noyance and Inconvenience to the naval officials, for the navy is growing, and It Is Impossible even now to put all the completed warships in commission, be cause of lack of enough skilled men and officers to navigate them. The difficulty, however, is not surprising. It is not strange that young men should prefer to be civilians and follow business pur suits in piping times of peace. The pay offered to men in the navy is smaller than that of employes in the majority of industrial and commercial pursuits. The factory, the farm and the business office are seeking bright young men as eagerly as the navy is. and are bidding higher for them. The country is pros perous and can offer good wages to every able-bodied man who is willing to work. If there were a large contin gent of unemployed, the task of the naval recruiting officer would be easier. So long as ambitious young men have so much better prospect of making their fortunes on land thnn on the deck of a warship, it is to be expected that the work of recruiting for the navy will be 6low. If there were prospect of war there would soon be a rush to enlist, for the present reluctance Is not due to any lack of patriotism or of bravery. But the American youth does not take kindly to the dull routine life of a man -of-war in time of peace. He pre fers to be in the thick of the fray at all times, and just now the battles are all in the business world, as are also the rewards and promotions. ! I I The safe navigation of the air is con fidently spoken of as one of the achievements which this new cenfury will witness. At present the efforts of inventors are largely spent on the de velopment of some form of dirigible airship of the nature of a balloon or self-elevating and self-supporting gas bag, with propelling motor and steer ing apparatus attached. It must be ad mitted that last year's experiments by Count Von Zeppelin on Lake Con stance, and the recent success to be ascribed to M. Santos-Dumont, In spite of the mishap which in his voyage around the Eiffel Tower In Pari3 brought his airship to earth when vic tory was almost within his grasp, are evidences of great progress along this line. It Is In another direction, how ever, that the true solution of the prob lem lies, according ot the opinion of most eminent physicists. Nature sug gests that the true method will follow the model of bird flight, and that the successful airship will be In the nature of an aeroplane based on principles identically the same as those underly ing the flight of birds. Experiments In this field are risky and have proven fatal—to Lllientbal and others—but have already demonstrated that the aeroplane awaits only the invention of some automatic balancing device to render it one of the greatest marvels of human genius. Prof. A. G. Bell, the inventor of the telephone, has said: "I do not believe that the great problem ot aerial navigation will ever be solved by balloons. While you may successful ly navigate a balloon In light currents, it is obvious that any floating body lighter than air Is at the mercy of the winds. Such a body cannot carry the motive machinery of great power. It Is lltjle more than a toy. The problem of aerial navigation will be solved, but not by the use of balloons." If time bangs heavy on your bands, sat wild grape pie; you will be busy for four weeks ridding your teeth of the s eeds. TOO MANY JOHN SMITHS. After Thirty Years' (.onfusion This One Channe l His Name, John Smith has changed his name, says the Philadelphia North American. For thirty years he has been struggling to find out exactly who he is. Then it became too much for him, and yester day he went into the Fifth Court. "There are too many of me in the world," he said, "and I want to be somebody else. When I go to work in the morning I'm never sure that some other fellow hasn't got my job, and when I go home at night It's the same way. "Every time I look at a paper I find that I've been doing something I ought not to. Sometimes I'm getting married, sometimes 1 die, and sometimes I'm in jail. I never dare to opeu my letters for fear of violating the postal laws, and whenever one of the other fellows goes on a racket 1 have to pay the bills. It's got me going." "Well, which John Smith are you?" asked the court. The applicant gasped. "That's the trouble.. I've clean forgotten. Hold up, though," and he pulled u bunch of papers from his pocket. "As near as I can remember," he said, sorting them out and studying them gravely, "the last one I've got tabs on is John Wes ley Smith, bookkeeper for the Philadel phia Cooperage Company. Yes, I think that's me." "What do you want to change to?" "Well, I've figured out that Carroll will keep me out of trouble. 'Carroll W. Smith' isn't so bad." "Why not try Nebuchadnezzar? That Isn't such a common name." "No; I guess Carroll will do." The judge gave him the necessary diploma, and, with the first happy smile ! he had worn in thirty years, Carroll I Wesley Smith, formerly John Smith, went off to get some cards engraved I and to advertise to the world that he Is somebody else. BUST OF M'KINLEY. This I« Said to Be One of Hia Moat Faithful Portraits. One of the finest portraits of Presi dent McKinley in existence is a bust recently finished by C. H. Niehaus, the New York sculptor. Some time ago Mr. Niehaus was commissioned to make a bust of the President in plaster for the temporary adornment of the Ohio So ciety's clubroom at the Waldorf-Asto ria. He lost his fee by falling to have the bust ready on time, but having be come interested in the spbject, he went BU-T <>F M'm> SEV. to Washington with the intention of making a bust of the President which would embody his best efforts. He se cured numerous sittings at the White House, and several photographs of the President's head and face. These he used in making his sculptured portrait, which has delighted all of the Presi dent's friends who have seen It. By them It is deemed worthy a place in some public gallery. The picture pre sented herewith was reproduced from a photograph of Mr. Niehaus' work. One of Nature's Tricks. It Is well known that many insects bear ai close resemblance to leaves, twigs and other things, and there Is no doubt that this is (or their protection against, or their concealment from, their enemies. One of the most remark able cases of this kind was recently made known to the Entomological So ciety of London. It Is that of a spider that lives In the rocks near Cannes. A certain kind of moths inhabit the rocks also and their cases are to be found all about It was noticed that the spider, when at rest looked ex actly like oae of the moth cases. Mechanics in Midooenn. The captain of a Norwegian tramp steam» recently replaced a broken pro peller In mid-ocean In a, very Ingenious way. He had a nine-ton extra propeller on board, In accordance wttb a recently made rule of the marine Insurance com panies, and, having shifted bis cargo forward until hia vessel actually stood on her bead In the water, with the propeller bearings exposed, he rigged up a timber raft and his crew removed the broken propeller and adjusted the new one without a great deal of diffi culty. _ When a boy trios to catch a turtle, u bat or anything equally uaaleaa, don't disgust him by as kin g what he wants tt fea. MODEL OF SANTOS-DUMONT'S AIR SHIP AND A PORTRAIT OF THE INVENTOR. — 7 -KW 04NTO»-OUMONT 5 The air ship which M. de Santos-Dmnont successfully tried iu Paris is the outgrowth of several years of work and experiment on the part of the inventor, this machine was only recently completed. Work on its construction was kept profoundly secret until it was ready to sail. The illustration shown herewith is reproduced from a photograph of the ship finished by the inventor last year. It is very much the same iu size and construction as that used by Santos-Dumont. This apparatus is suspended from a huge cigar-shaped balloon not shown iu the picture. The motor is a gasoline en gine, which drives the shaft of the screw. The aeronaut sits iu the saddle and starts the motor by means of a pedal and chain gear, as iu the ease of a motorcycle. The gasoline is contained in the upper cylinder and in the lower and larger cylinder is a reservoir of water which is used as ballast. The capacity of the balloon which floats this apparatus is 11,71*'» cubic feet, and the motor gives sixteen horse power. The inventor lias been working upon his idea for many years. He is a practiced aeronaut and has had a long experience ns a balloonist. THE MIRACLE. The bells of hope to him rnng clear, The pride of youth reigned in his henrt. He scoffed at failure, dread, and tear. Valiant was he to serve his art. "My pen shall speak to all mankind; The world shall know tny fame," ho said. He wrote. The world to him was blind, His message, from its birth, lay dead. Mature, he labored on in faith, While kindness took the place of pride; His dream of fame became a wraith That mocked him in the eventide. "My pen shall speak but to the few— The few that value worth," he said. He wrote. The little woÿd he knew Spoke fair, but left his words unread. When years had stolen faith and hope, When fame seemed worthless in his eyes. The aged mnn, a misanthrope. Forsook his quest of honor's prize. "My peu shall speak to one alone— I'll write Dut fiw myself," he said. He w-rote. And from his heart the stone Of failure vanished as he read. And then a miracle was done. The thing he wrought for secret store Went to the world, und one by one Elusive honors sought his door. "I wrote the tn!e my heart found true. Unmindful pf the world," he said. And as he passed from mortal view Fame placed her wreath upon hia head. —»Success. ONE TOO MANY. ë 66 T f IM, I want you to meet Elsie Everton," was the way Mrs. Tom began "Matchmaking," grunted Jim, "will "Je the death of you yet. Saille." "I could not die in a better cause. Have you ever seen her?" "Once, She was driving with Ho bart," "Oh, then you know all about It." "I know Hobart," dryly. Mrs. Tom nodded. "But," she deprecatingly reminded him, "he Is fascinating; quite the man to attract a young creature unaccus tomed to his type. She was Just from school." "I thought that all the girls' schools now were colleges." "No matter; they don't teach how to read Bert Hobart." "So Miss Everton took private les sons, eh?" "They were engaged," Mra. Tom an nounced briefly, "and be Jilted her." "It Is a way be has. You want me, I suppose, for a sort of soothing syrup?" "Oh, she doesn't need soothing-syrup, or tonic either; not she. Of course," musingly, "she Is In a proper wrath against herself. A girl so sets her heart, you see, upon crowning a real king. It Is the very prettiest among her castles in Spain; and tbere's noth ing like the humiliation of having throned the wrong man. Bui what la the use"—leaning back resignedly among the cushions of her divan—"of talking to a man about that?" "Do you .suppose a man never wants to kick himself?" asked Jim. "He wants to kick the other party first." "Am I to Infer that a woman does not?" "Yon may be sure of it Her Indigna tion against herself swallows every thing ehr:. The foe in sneb cases la be neath attention. But" with a vexed Uttle grimace, "that complacent smile of Hobart's la certainly exasperating. It would do me good to bave him thor oughly learn that Stale Everton has bis Uttle soul's measure and wouldn't mar ly him to save bis life." "Oh, she wouldn't (hr •Hot" energetically, "to save bar own Ufe." Jim quoted— 4 " 'The case ot Betty Baxter, Who rejected a lima before lie nxed her,' umi skeptically smiled. "As I said," retorted Mrs. Tom, bris tling. "the matter is much too deep for a man's understanding." "Then why,'", Jim laughed good nn turedly, "are you prodding me with it?" "Because," suddenly gracious, "you are a valuable ally. Elsie is coming to visit me and-" Jim flung back his bend to break In with a jolly laugh. "And Hobart Is to witness my devo tion and grow madly jealous. Ob, Sal lie, Saille!" "You know very' well," snld Saille, beaming on him, "that your attentions muke any girl the fashion. Hobart and a dozen others will follow your lead. I want Elsie to have a good time." "Scalping a lot of poor fellows that never did her nny harm; that's a girl's idea of a pleasant time." "You'll help, dear?" "Oh, I'll be polite to your guest, of course." "Of course," gleefully, "we'll soon have him subdued." "And married?" "Well," slowly, "It's really wonderful how much a woman will forgive." Jim chuckled. "I am glad," was Mrs. Tom's next remark, "that the trellis at Hobart's Is being cleared away; it obstructed the view." Jim stood up. "Sbnll I go over," he inquired, "and discover how far-" "I know," she Interrupted. "He enn see every man that comes up the steps, all the flowers that come, every drive she takes and I'll see to her clothes, they make such a difference." "Poor man." Jim snld, with a comi cal grimace. "I'll go and have a smoke with him." "If he should ask you," Saille called after him along the hall, "about n re port that she flirted with him, say you heard It" "I say, Saille," Jim remonstrated over his shoulder, "bar fibs." "There really Is such a report," Mrs. Tom assured hlm. "I started It ray self." * • "Good Lord deliver us," said Jim. "It will get him iu a proper state of mind." "I dare say." "Do you really mean to marry her to Hobart?'' asked Tom, who had been an amused witness of this little chat be tweeu his wife and her brother. She waited to hear the front door shut then smiled and touched a finger to her lips, "To Jim," she whispered, and passed the finger from her Ups to his. "I see," genially, "and I'll Join the game." "Oh, will you?" rather startled. "How?" "I'll be one of the rivals. A mar ried man can get very much In the way when he wants to." "But, Tom, It really Isn't necessary. With Jim In the lead, there'll be rivals epough." "The more the merrier," gaily. "I'll help." "It's ever so good of you," said Mrs. Tom. and hummed a little tune in the pause that followed. About two weeks later Jim was hur rying along the sidewalk one day when Mrs. Tom's trap drew np alongside. "I was going to yon," be said, as be stepped In, "with news." "Newa?" "Yes. Hobart is meeting your expec tations. We happened In at the florist's together, and be grinned so offensively that I Judge yon may feel quite sure of him." "Yon were both ordering flowers for that glrir "Yon don't anppooe that I am going to back down for a cad like Hobart, do you?" "But yon look and talk as If he wen j I j "Well," sullenly, "I'll not tuke hia grin for It." Mrs. Tom faltered a bit over her next question "Is—is any one else in the running, do you think?" "No; unless- You're not quarreling with Tom about anything, arc» you?" "lie's In the plot," with a faint laugh. "Acts his part," drily, "pretty well." "He does everything well," said Mrs, Tom, but she was pale. "He pays a good price for orchlda, too." "He was at the florist's with you?" "He was. And his grin," sulkily, "was very like Hobart's; and be went, off bumming that idiotic Jingle— " 'The lion and the univorn Fighting for a crown; Up jumps a little dog And knocks them both down.'" "Tom is so bright," said Mrs. Tom. To which Jim grunted, and the drive was finished in silence. That night Miss Everton went to her hostess for a bit of confidence; she wan prettily flushed and shy. "You persuaded ine," she began, "to let Mr Hobart speak, so—1 did." "Yes?" Mrs. Tom answered coldly. "But, ob, Bailie, l do feel small ubout It. Don't you think, dear, that a dif ferent sort of man, a man who thinks of me at my best, would hate to know I did it?" "A different 1 sort of man?" "Oh, very different." demurely} "you," with a sl*y, bright glance, "think so, too." Uigliteous, astonished wrath gathered in Mrs. Tom's eyes; but u' knock In terrrupted. With the opening of the door came a rainbow gleam of orchids, "Oh, glorious!" cried Miss Everton. There was a basketful of the rare, spidery beauties. The servant waited, looking to bis mistress, who was pals and silent. "For Miss Everton?" she said at last. "For you. madam " She went hurriedly past him and down to the smoking room. Jim and Tom were there. Flushed and a little out of breath she ran to Tom. "Don't get up," settling an arm com fortably over his shoulder and looking across to her brother. "I only want to tell Jim that Bert Hobart has been re jected." "You're sure?" cried Jim. "And I wish," with a peremptory nod, "that you would go up and ask Elsie If she'd-tike a—a glass of wine, op anything.", Tom began to laugb, bnt met bis wife's eyes with tears In them, and stared Instead. "I'm so glad," struggling with a hap py sob, "about Jim and Elate." "Nonsense; you mustn't fib to me. Baille. What's the matter?" The only answer was a long breath of content. Later, however, there cam* a retort question. What did you mean by that 'Uttle dog* jingle?" This had to be somewhat elaborated, and tben Tom finished bis Interrupted laugh. "Why, I was helping the plot," bo said. "Oh. yes. And I am ever ao much obliged to you." with another sigh of peace; "ever so much; but next time, dear, you needn't bother."—Town and Country. There Was a Différence. The prodigal had just returned. He slapped his fatber on the back and re marked jocularly: "Well, old man, you'd better get out the fatted calf." "Can't do it, non," replied the old man. "Beef's gone np." Which merely goes to show that tha fatber of the prodigal bad beim watch ing the markets.—Denver Times. Tha more careful a woman la abofct bar complexion tha more candies aka •hoot bar housework.