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.»I Clarence—Clara, If I let you buy a new winter coat I'll have to wear my Md one. Clara—Oh, you dear, sweet, lovely, generous old boy! "Yes, my dear," said the sarcastic iiubby; "you may have made the cake •11 alone, as you say. but who helped . you to lift It out of the oven?" At the church door: "Are you one of the wedding party?" asked Mr. Fresh, the usher. "Only the groom. Do'' - t mind me," replied the prospective vic tim.—Baltimore World. Mlnnlck—Well, there was one thing 1 remarked about your wife the first time I saw her—she was undoubtedly out spoken. Henpeck—You don't say! By whom?—Philadelphia PresB. "Bridget, were you entertaining a man In the kitchen last evening?" "Will, mum, thot's Fr him t' say. Ol done me best wld th' m'terials at hand, mum."—Philadelphia Bulletin. Showing John Bull Around: "And What Is this,?" asked the visitor. "This la Wall street. It Is the most cele brated of all our American watering places."—Our Dumb Animals. A good thing: Consulting Physician —Do you think the patient can stand •a operation? Family Doctor—Can he •tand It? Why, my dear sir, the man la a millionaire.—Town Topics. The hero: "Who Is the hero of this piece?" asked the man who was com fag ont of the theater.. And the mana ger thoughtfully replied: "The man who Is putting up the money."—Wash tagten Star. Mrs. Murphy (to her husband, excit edly)—Run, run for the doctor, Pat The child has swallowed the halfpenny you gave him to play with. Mr. Murphy— CÎh, keep your mind easy, Bridget; It was a bad one, anyway.—Tit-Bits. "la this a fast train?" asked a passen ger, who was tired of sitting at a sta llen at which the train was not sup posed to atop. "Of course It la," waa the guard's reply. "I thought so. Would you mind my getting out to see what it la fast tor Aaaatasia—Didn't I bury Mike, didn't 1 bury Tim, didn't 1 bury James and Jack?—so I think, William, it would be wiser for me not to marry again. Wil liam—Chance me, Anastasia, dear. Who knows but the tables may be turned jtbls time!— Ex. * "Lizzie, does yo' hab dat joyful feelln* In yo' bones dat's always de forerunner of 'possum for dinner?" "Um. 1 never believes we's gwlne ter have 'possum till 1 hab dat Joyful feelln' In my atom »ach which Is de after-runner of hablng bad him."—Life. Silas—If I ain't better by Monday week I'll send for a doctor. Samantha— What's the sense of waitin' till Monday week? Silas—Well, on Monday week It'll be just forty years since I had a doctor. I'd like to make it an even forty years, Samantha. He lived untimely: "I have often thought of what an unfortunate fellow Jonah was." "How's that?" "Why, If he had turned that whale trick In the twentieth century, he'd have been la every soap advertisement In the civilis ed world."—Denver Times. "It used to be my ambition," said the bustnes sinon, "to accumulate a fortune and then retire." "Well," answered the friend, "haven't you realized it?" "No. I've got the mouey, but I don't dare re tire. I've got to stay awake night and day to keep somebody from getting it away from me."—Washington Star. "Some of those foreign dishes on the dinner menu were a puzzle to me," con tided the First Seasick-Passenger to the Second Seasick-Passenger, as they Stood conveniently near the rail. "Puz ales?" asked the Second Seusick-Pas senger; "I guess they were, but I gave them all up long ago."—Baltimore American. "I really don't know what to do," said the vivacious woman. "It is very difficult to please the world." "What Is the difficulty?" asked her husband. "People are so unreasonable in their comments. If you tell all you hear they say you are a gossip, and if you don't, they say you are stupid and common place.''—Washington Star. "Yes," said Farmer Corntossel, "our boy Joslab is devotin' a good deal of time to games an' light literature jes' at present." "Isn't that a rather un profitable pursuit?" "Yes. But, you see, all the cabinet offices an' big diplo matic places are filled, so I reckon Josiah feels that there ain't much else fur him to do at present."—Washing ton Star. Wife—Henry, can't you let me have some money to-day? Husband—What did you do with that dollar I let you have last week? Wife (good-naturedly> —Well, I had to have a new bonnet and a heavier wrap, and Willie and Katie needed new shoes, and John had to have a new suit, and Frank a new hat and Caroline needed a new gown, and Maar a pair of gloves, and David an •vseeoat-and— and—and really, Henry, I dent remember what I did with the «hange-— Detroit Journal. NO PLACE LIKE HOME. That I* the Sentiment of Children of London's Slums. The children of London's slams think there Is no place like home, be It ever so squalid and poverty-stricken. "They miss the flaming naphtha lamps, the winkle barrows, the hokey-pokey man and all the other things that have been their lifelong companions," said Father Stanton, of St. Alban's, Holborn, when asked by the Dally Mall representative how the children of the slums take to their summer outings in the country. "Then, too, they are afraid of the dark at night, and are lost In the day time in the country," continued the kindly faced, great-hearted friend of thousands of street Arabs and gutter gamins. They have all sorts of rea sons for preferring the city to the coun try, and some of them are perfectly In explicable. One little boy wrotë to me after his outing last year and said be didn't like the country because while there a wasp had stung him. "Another youngster took a day at Brighton with me In preference to two weeks In the country, and could give no reason for his choice." It never entered the modest mind of thls-favor lte of the slum children why It was. "They like going out In vans best of all," the father went on, "and then they eat green fruit and thoroughly en joy themselves. But though they like the hubbub of the city best, and are really glad to get back to It their brown cheeks and bright eyes tell a merry tale when they return. Then you should hear the amusing stories they tell, and you would see bow their cramped, warped and stunted little minds have been opened up by a glimpse of the green wonderland they know so pitifully little about. Never mind what they say about It, It's the good the outing does them that we are after.''—London Mall. P ®KI The beet way to advertise Is just to advertise. Get at It with a view to hav ing the people know what you most de sire to sell, and Incidentally letting them know that the specified items do not represent your full stock. 8ay In teresting things about interesting* goods, and bave the goods to talk. * Men talk of the secret of successful advertising, bat it Is all very plain. The esseutlals are to offer what people want at fair prices, and to offer It in a way that will make readers know they want It. The art in writing an ad vertisement is to speak as the Interest ed and well-informed merchant would speak to a prospective customer. The mere appearance of a business man's name and address In every issue of a leading newspaper will do work to Increase bis trade. Every business man, however, is able to give facts about his establishment which will encourage people to deal with him. To state such facts clearly In a newspaper Is the prin cipal secret of successful advertising. The Idea that It takes a number of Impressions to muke the average adver tisement effective Is not new. Forty years ago an English advertiser said to the publisher of the Comhill Maga zine: "We don't consider that an ad vertisement seen for the first time by a reader is worth much. The second time It counts for something. The third time the reader's attention is arrested; the fourth time he reads it through and thinks about it; the fifth makes a pur chaser of him. It takes time to soak in." A Humane Pater. One reads so frequently of the pa ternal boot as-applied to the undesira ble youthful suitor that it Is a pleasure to chronicle the more humane method adopted by a wealthy Glasgow mer chant for choking off a "follower" of his daughter. The girl was very young, so was the follower, but nevertheless be called formally on the object of bis affections; The merchant and his wife entered the room, the latter bearing a glass of milk and a huge slice of bread spread with butter and jam. Now, dear, run away to bed." said the kindly mother to her daughter; "it's time that all good girls should be in bed." Then the Glasgow merchant address ed the astonished young man,— "Now, youngster, you drink that glass of milk, and take that slice of bread and jam to eat on the road home —and burry, for your mother must be anxious about your being odt so late by yourself." The young man did not call again. Boston and Philadelphia. The realty valuation of Boston ($902, 000,000), with a population of 500,000^ more than that of Philadelphia ($892,000,000), with a population of V soo.ooa 1 GRANDMA ALLEN.** Oldest Member of the Woman's Relief Corp. • onnrl* Oat n C-nturv, ! The one hundredth birthday annlver j sary of Grandma Allen of Elyria, Ohio, was celebrated as a jubilee by the Woman's Relief Corps all over the country, as she is tW oldest member of this powerful organization. On this occasion she received many vis itors without 'fa tigue and endured the elaborate pre sentation ceremon ies of the W. R. C. No. 108, of which mmandma alum. she Is a charter member. Mrs. Marie Lowndes Allen was born In New Jersey Oct. 20, 1801, her father. Captain John Lowndes of the ship Ris ing Sun of New York, being murdered in Lisbon, Portugal, in 1800. She was married to Thomas J. Allen Oct. 20, 1825, and on Oct. 20. 1832, the Allen family, consisting of the father, mother and five little boys. Journeyed west ward to Bucyrus, Ohio, In a two-horse springless lumber wagon with a can vas top. They suffered many hard ships in two severe snowstorms and reached their destination just a month later. In the spring they moved to Elyria, which has been her home for sixty-eight years. All Mrs. Allen's sons went to sea and all doubled Cape Horn. Her eldest son, William, served on the frigates Savannah and Oblo during the Mexican war and on the United States steamship Fort Jackson during the re bellion. Captain Richard Allen, Com pany I, Eighth Ohio Volunteer Infan try, was one of the first to enlist and organized a company of volunteers, was wounded at Fredericksburg and died the following January at Washing ton. James Allen served three years as lieutenant of Company H, One Hun dred and Third Ohio Volunteer Infan try. All during the war Grandma Al len scraped lint, made bandages, bed« __ ding"jelHes and win« fo~r7he b^.vsTn ' blue. Grandma Allen well remembers the war of 1812 and the efforts made to secure volunteers In New Jersey. She has gone to New York In row boats, then in ferryboats, In boats pro pelled by horses and finally on the steamboats. In her childhood she play ed with the shavings daring the build ing of the City Hall In New York. She has burled her husband and, five chil dren and has seen more than her share of trouble, but her faculties are unim paired, and even In her extreme age she is a most companionable woman. A STRONG PEOPLE. Island Eskimos Who Differ Greatly from ' r tae!r Alaska Kindred. It now seems probable that not all the Innuits of Alaska are so email as has been supposed. Indeed if one Is to be- ! lieve the tales of travelers Who visited an island south of Bering Sen these Indians must be classed among the tall- ! seal oil. The fish, generally salmon, are est people in the world. The traveler's story Is given In Popular Science News. On King's Island Indians were found who by their physical characteristics belong to the Innuit or Eskimo family, having small black eyes, high cheek bones and full brown beards which con ceal their lips. The majority of the men are over six feet high, and the women are usually as tall as and often taller than the men. These women are also wonderfully strong. One of them carried off In her birch-bark canoe an eight-hundred pound stone, for use as an anchor to a whale-boat. When It reached the deck of the vessel It required two strong men to lift it,* but the Innuit woman had managed It alone. Another woman car ried on her bead a box containing two hundred and eighty pounds of lead. Both men and women are also en dowed with remarkable agility. They will outrun and outjump competitors of any other race who may be pitted against them. Their strength Is gained from very poor food, and they frequently travel thirty or forty miles without eating anything. They live on carrion fish and buried when caught, to be kept through the winter and dug up as consumption requires. When brought to the air they have the appearance of sound fish, but the stench from them Is unbearable. In the matter of dwellings these Es kimos are peculiar. Their houses are excavated In the sides of a hill, the chambers being plerc d some feet into the rise, and walled up with stones on three sides. Across the top of the stone walls poles of driftwood are laid, and covered with hides and grass, and lastly with a layer of earth. These odd dwellings rise one above another, the highest overlooking per * overlooking per haps forty lower ones. Two hundred people live in the village. More Potato Humor. "Blfkin is always joking. When the doctor ordered him to go to Colorado what do you suppose he said?" "Give It up." "He said he really couldn't afford to have tuberculosis because tubers art so expensive."—Cleveland Plain Dealer. If you accept flattery, you an con ceited. I AN ID EAL OF FICER« Roar Admiral Ranee Had Served Manx Tears In Oncle Sam'e-Nnvjr. Rear Admiral Francis M. Bunce, who recently died at his home in Hartford, Conn., had spent many years of his life In Uncle Sam's naval service and made an enviable record for himself as a commanding officer. He was born In Hartford sixty-five years ago and en tered the Naval Academy at Annap olis In 1852. He graduated from the naval college in 1857. Duriug the Civil War he saw much active service and KZAI ADMIRAI. F HANOIS M. BUN CR. was wounded by the premature explo sion of a cartridge In 1863. Since the Civil War Admiral Bunce had been assigned to duty at the Bos ton, Washington and Brooklyn navy yards and on torpedo inspection. He was president of the naval college at Newport for two years, succeeding Captain Mahan. In February, 1898, be was made rear admiral, and In Decem ber of the same year was placed on the retired list In appearance Admiral Bunce was ' the t "* ,c f I commanding officer, being over *•* ,B he, * ht - and »Plendldly propoptlo,M,d - As a 7°«"* man - « ,a said, he was one of the strongest men in the navy. His temperament was genial, and while he believed In discipline he waa neither harsh nor severe. He was a favorite with the officers of the ser vice, and with the enlisted men. AMERICAN COUNTESS OETS A NEW HOME. Count Boson de Périgord, who re cently married Miss Helen Morton, daughter of Levi P. Morton, former Vice President of the United States, has bought the Chateau of Valencay, Dear Paris, for 2,718,305 francs 8543,-» 673). The Chateau de Valencay, the grand oJ d home of the Talleyrands, Is*situ ! ated , n Central France , n the former 'Province of Berry. Th e chateau, with lt8 gard ens, park and fruitful orchards, ! comprises more than 7,000 acres. So large Is the castle that recently, when it was put up for sale, it was said that no one but an American millionaire could afford to buy It. The upset price fixed for the chateau ? W MISS BILIK MOBTON. alone at the auction sale last May was $520,000, but, as no one bid that amount, the sale was withdrawn. Built In the form of a right angle, with the other sides of the square completed by gardens, the medieval chateau Is sur rounded by a moat crossed by a draw bridge. Valencay has borne a part In the history of France ever since the days of Charlemagne. Largest of Flying Birds. The largest of flying birds Is the Cali fornian vulture or condor, measuring from tip to tip 0% to 10 feet, and ex ceeding considerably In size the true condor a f South America. The blid lays but one egg each season, large, ovaj ashy green, and deeply pitted. Age of Whales. The age of the whale Is calculated ac cording to the number of laminae, or layers, of the whalebone, which In creases yearly. From these Indications ages of 800 to 850 years have been as signed to whales. Every man may have his prie« but I tha market Is apt to be overstocked. tease beport. R. G. Dun A Co.'s Weekly Review of Trade for laat week is as follows: A general advance in the price of pig iron indicates that record breaking ac tivity at furnaces fails to produce ac cumulation of supplies. Steel mills are seeking material urgently and Besse mer pig for prompt delivery at Pitts burg is not available below $16.50. The feature among the minor metals was the sharp advance In tin to much the highest point of the year, because of delayed arrivals. In marked contrast to the rise in tin was a sharp define In silver to the lowest prices since early In 1898. The ehoe shops in the east are fully employed, while western producers were never more extensively engaged. Recent buying of cotton goods for Chi na h|n<a stimulated the export movement and for the year thus far the value shows an increase over any preceding yeaT. Asia and South America are the leading customers. Conditions are even more favorable at woolen mills, one concern refusing a large order for delivery in February. Heavy weight goods are active with re tailers and jobbers. Wheat also held firmly, closing the week 3c up above the price a year ago, which is very satisfactory in view of the vast increase in yield. Receipts at the interior are Liberal, 6,620,433 bush els, against 3,391,789 last year, but the gain in foreign buying is still the feat ure, exports from all parts of the United States In ~ve days aggregating 3,975,819 bushels, compared with 2,839,070 a year ago. SPOKANE «VOTATIONS. Poultry and eggs—Chickens, old, 10c per lb, live weight; spring chickens, $3 @$4 dozen; ducks, 10c per lb, live weight, dressed 12c; geese, dressed, 10 @12c per lb; turkeys, live weight, 11c, dressed, 13c; eggs, fresh, $8 per case. Vegetables—Potatoes, 86c®$l per cwt; onions, $1 per cwt. Fruit—Apples, 50c® $1; prunes, 3® 6c per lb; pears, 50c©$l per 40-lb box. Livestock—Beef, live steers, 3^@4c; live cows, 3®3}fc; veal calves, dressed, 10c; mutton, ewes, 3c; wethers, 3©c; hogs, live, $5.00 per cwt. Sheepskins—Short wool pelts, 20© 30c; medium wool, 30®50c; long wool, 50®75c. Hides—Green hides and calf skins, 5 ©6c per lb; dry hides, butcher, 12®13c per lb. The wheat quotations are as follows: Centennial mill—Club, 42c bulk, 44c sacked; bluestem, 43c bulk, 45c sacked; red, 41c bulk, 43c sacked. WHEAT REPORT. Portland.—Wheat—'Walla Walla, 59c; bluestem, 60c. Tacoma.—Unchanged; steady; blue stem, 59J<c; dub, 58 %c. London. Dec. 2.—"Buller Sunday" passed without serious incidents. The government had taken every precau tion to prevent disturbances. This in cluded the reading at three parades last week of a special order in the military regulations which forbids of ficers or soldiers from "taking part in any meetings, demonstrations or pro cessions for party or political pur poses." A large body of police, many of whom were mounted, were stationed along the line of the procession and notably In front of the war office. The trades unions and workingmen societies, with bands and banners, as sembled along the embankment this afternoon. There were thousands of spectators. Owing to the difficulty of marshaling the large bodies of men. the procession was late in starting. It was headed by a huge banner on which was a portrait of General Buller. The procession traversed Northumberland avenue. Pall Mall. St. James street and Picadilly to Hyde park. The win dows of clubs, and especially of the service clubs, were crowded with Bight seers. At Charing Cross several mounted police rode to the head of the proces sion and attempted to seize a plaster bust of General Buller. The man car rying the bust dashed it to the ground. This incident caused much indigna tion, but the leaders were able to curb and restrain the paraders, some of whom wished to attack the policemen. Opposite the war office there was much groaning and cries of "shame" from the men in the procession! but otherwise the proceedings were with out Incident When Hyde park was reached It was almost dark. The confusion was so great as to render the speakers almost inaudible, but amid a roar of cheers a resolution of sympathy for General Buller was proposed and aoopted with great enthusiasm. Features of the demonstration were the passing of the collection box for the workingmen's memorial to General Buller, and the large sale of button hole portraits and favors of the gen eral. It Is estimated that at least 10,000 people were present at the demonstra tion In Hyde park. This makes It the biggest thing of It. kind which haï occurred for many years. London, Dec. 3.—A dispatch to the Daily Mall from Pretoria gives i ndip , tion why, with continuous capt ur the Boer forces do not seem to riim^ iBh. The dispatch says that Boers »r constantly escaping from the eoncen tratlon camps and towns to rejoin the fighting forces and that measures win have to be taken to stop this leakag The Boers In the town are still irrecon.' diable, says the dispatch, and believe their cause will eventually triumph * Sir Gordon Spriggs, prime minister of Cape Colony, during the course 0 f a speech at a banquet, said Cape Col ony was maintaining in the cape aii army numbering 10,000, the bulk 0 f whom were mounted, and that these numbers were increasing weekly, n was a great strain on the treasury said the prime minister, but the col ony was prepared to bear it as long as . necessary. The rebels were being gradually worn down and the prospect was not discouraging. BUI CM Uf iff New York, Dec. 1.—The correspondent of the London Times and the New York Times says that in order to cope with the large number of Boers which keep in touch witn Commandant ueueral i*>tlu east of tue line of biockaouses nom U uga river to Greylingstau, 12 british column*, are operating between tile Deiugou and Natal livers. In the western Transvaal the columns under Lord Methuen, Colonel Kekewica and Colonel Hieke are sweeping the coun try in conjunction with the forces on the railway Une and the constabulary posts. It seems, says the correspondent, that the blockhouses are to form the chief fac tor in the pacification of the country. The new lines of blockhouses will soon enter the Pretoria-Johannesburg district ani free it of the enemy. The concentration of Britisli columns south of the Delagoa railway have with drawn the troops north of the line, with the result that the Boers are back again in that neighborhood, where horse sick ness and fever do not prevail and food is. plentiful. lord Kitchener, says the correspondent, has never had sufficient troops to carry out comprehensive operations simultan eously north and south of the Delagoa line. Commenting on the situation in South Africa the London correspondent of the Tribune says: There is more philosophy than faith in the current discussion of the war. The monthly reviews contain the commentar ies from various pens and the various pa pers have ceased to be a record of what is going oh in South Africa. Sir Charles Dilke draws an analogy in the Fortnightly Review between the British o[>erations against the Boers and the French cam paign in Mexico, where guerrilla warfare was suppressed by the abolition of trans port and the equipment of mobile columns, of picked men. Sir Charles Diike's article leaves much unsaid about the real situation in South Africa, while the Boers are as unique m guerrilla warfare as they were in defense in the early stage of the campaign. There are defects in the British system now, as they were then, and these sources of weakness help to explain the prolongation of hostilities. Military men get little in formation from the papers, but know many secrets from the correspondence of officers in South Africa and are familiar with the talk of returning soldiers. They assert that Lord Kitchener's officers do not cooperate well with him, nor with one another, and that there is constant fric tion, with unceasing grumbling and dis content. There is a grow'ing feeling that Lord Kitchener's talents for organin tion, so conspicuous in the Soudan, have been a source of weakness and dissatis faction in South Africa Famous Sculptor Dead. Reading. Pa„ Dee. 1.—Da. Herman Strecker, a sculptor and entomologist of world wide fame, died here, aged O.ï years. He was 50 years in gathering his superb collection of butterflies, which contained 200.000 specimens, the largest collection In America, and upon which he expended $25,000. W«lMia)i Wreck Lose ot Lite. Detroit, Mich., Dec. 1.— The Tribun* prints an exhaustive article tending to show at least 86 people lost their lives in the Wabash wreck, near Seneca, Mich., Wednesday night. f^ealdeat Removes Governor. Washington, Dec. 1.—The president ha* appointed Thomas B. Ferguson governor of Oklahoma, vies William M. Jenkins« removed. Whm to Begin. Mrs. Trotabout—I shall be off t greater part of the day, as I hs joined the Society for the Supressi of Needless and Nerve Raoki Noises. Mr. T.—Good ides, my dear. Ta the baby along with you. Net May—Have you heard of Clara'* hard lurk? Belle—No. What ia it? ''Now that they are married they have to retrenoh awfully to make up the money he wasted while courting k*. Il T 2«.