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* THE KEYSTONE. 1 VoL. J. KETCHUM. IDAHO, SATURDAY DECEMBER 24. 1881. No. 1. 1 . - On the Porch. I sNhm! on tin* porch at « veiling. When Hie ami went silently <lown; When the .1 une-hng bright, in the starry night. Flow merrily through the town. • Mi. sweet were the gentle zephyrs Tlmt Idvw from the balmy south, Vnd reil were the lips, ami sweet the sips. That I took from the pretty month Her tiny waist was encircled By my arm so strong and true; Said I. Whose ducky an* yon. love?" " Yours.she nmnuured, ■ w hose are you." <), the hollowed hours of that evening (), the cruel caprice of Fate' Her hit her, unkind, came up from behind And fired me over the gate. A YOUTHFUL. TKAIN-KOilHER. Spreading Terror Among Male and Female Passengers. Cincinnati Saturday Nicht.. It Was night. Night in Arkansas. It w'as night in several other States i well, but Arkansas js the one with which we have to deal at this writing. It being our turn to deal. A lightning express was booming along ■ at the rate of sixty miles an hou . Every •air was full, many standing in the uisles with that meekness and patience only seen on .an American railroad, to accomo date the fellow who wants four seats all to himself. I > The lumps blazed fitfully over the pas sengers' dusters, fully as well ally. xiiii*— The I w hich which seemed to tit as traveling dusters usu conductor had passed through Aviis more than he would allow anyone else to do without the requisite pass), punching people into wakefulness in order to punch their tickets. The train boy had filled tlip gers laps with books to keep them from bouncing in their seats while going rough places. passen - over The brakeman had put his head in and shouted, "The next stopping place is—" the name of the place being lost in the slain of th « 1 door. The boy who is always ilry lnul mail « 1 his fifty-second pilgrimage to the water tank. And the woman who wants air had just torn off her last remaining finger nail in trying t«»g«'t Jut window' up. This was on a railroad in tli«> State of Vrkansas. Suddenly tin- ear door opens. A youthful figure appears, holding something in his hand upon which the light glitters, nifieant manu er and cries: ''Now. gentlemen, vour money—" Fifty men turn pale and cry, "Don't shoot. Twenty females scream with and soin « 1 faint. There is a hasty thrusting of watch« ami po«-ket-books beneath cushions and into 1 »oots. Strong men fight fora phue under the seat* where they "Gentlemen," again <ri«*s the boyish voi«»e. ringing high above the semunsof »men an«! din of the train (grasps f«»r mercy from the men », "let me sell you som « 1 of this « xeelleiit tropical fruit," and extends in his «lexter I annum! It was the train boy pursuing his use rid and harmless vocation. He presents it in a sig tf one voice •s can s«'«*ret themsel v«*s. vv« hnnd -a A lot of New York ladies up a fair for the p«'.«»r. and number now wear engagement rings the enterprise is spoken of as a brilliant sue «*ess. recently got as quite a - Mistake* of Millions. "Is it true. inquired a reporter of 1'ostinaster Pearson, of New York, the other day, that there are nearly : iMHi in the United States a*iV>-treasnry, representing aecuniulutions irr.m unpaid money-orders for several years back. ''Yea,'* replied the postumster, "I sup l>«>se that in round nmn tiers they hold i about that amount la-longing to earh'ss persons whom it i« impossible for u* to lind." "WJmt do you piopuso to do with this money. Mr. Pearson?" ''Congress win probably be asked at its next ssoiii to make some disposé t ion of it:" "Wiiv was not this done her "Well, there is no legal limitation to I ds of tni ein rt cter ? re?" the time w may be accounted for. The ]mat master cannot tel! w hen the parties to a money order v correct fatal a mistake in the order and demand their money. You know we must always be prepared t«» pay on legal demand." "Can you give me a general idea of the way in which such large, unclaimed ac cumulation of money comes about?" "Primarily it is due to n lack of knowl edge concerning the opperations of the law under which the money order sys tem is organized. Then a great many people who understand the provisions of this law ar « 1 habitually earless and overlook some of the necessary details in making out the order. For instance, they may get the name of the payer wrong, or they may forget to notify him by mail. Then, again, tlie person to whom the money is sent may be a travel ing man, and has left the town where the order l.s payable ..nd wlfil may never return there again. No legal provision has l>een maile for advertising for these people. The individual amounts which go to make up these larg«i sums of un paid money orders of this office are. generally speaking, small, and no doubt have long been forgotten by the persons who were to receive them. All postof ffe«"s w hich do u reasonably fair share of money order business have the same trouble to contend with, but some day or other Congress may definitely settle postal responsibility in the matter." - 1 N«» Interest in (Quartz* linn chers and stock-raisers take but little personal interest in quartz, al though they' nev«*r refuse a favor to a prospector. Last fall, ou Squiiw creek, a prospector stopped a stock-raiser to show him a Hour sack full <»f croppings, and holding a piece of the lx-st in his hand he was telling in language earnest and eloquent <»f its richness in silv«-r and copper. Meeting no response he looked up and was considerably torn to see that the stock man w as standing in his stir rup*. and with shaded eyes was intently gazing off into th « 1 hills, peetor cease«! his din about copper stain ami bromide, und befor«» he could ask an explanation the other exclaimed': "Well, dang my buttons! if tlu-r«» ain't the lit tl«' red three-year-ohl heifer that I've The prt>s been looking for thr« 1 «* months!" and putting spurs to his horse he was off like a shot, leaving the prosp«*otor to drawl <»n' t:ft«*r him: "Yes, »ad dang my buttons if » la licve the average Sqiuiw er«'eker would get «*ff hi* h«*rs<* to pick Democrat. ■ up a twenty-dollar pieend A moralist, in the heart of debate, nays:—"Tin 1 great curse of America is riches." We always thought it was the absence, of riches, but it appears that we wer«* wrong. However, these" eurses" may come home to roost—With us—whenever they feel like it the more the merrier. Where the Train Was. Then' were a <lo*en of us waiting at the station near Strasburg, Va., for the | noon train. Every one lnnl cut his din- ! tier short to <*ateh the train, but tin* \ hour arrived five ten twenty min- ! The tiek»*t Utes passed, and then everybody won dered w hat had hupjiened. agent was also the telegraph operator, i He was a young fellow about twenty,ill grained and aupentilioua. hut impatience overcame the tear of him, and a woman s:*jij#ed to the window-' and asked 4 Is the train late?" "I'm!" in- growled in reply. "How late is it?" , .. "Um!" This finished her and she resumed lier ! seat. Five minutes more slipped away, ! ami a very solemn looking man. carry ing a solemn looking carpet bag, ad vanced from his corner and began:— fTrain is lab* isn't it v " " \'«»s. ticket window and queried:— "Whar's tlqit train?" t How late is it?" Urn." - rWhat'athe cause of it?" No answer. He hung around a minute longer and then solemnly marched back to his scat ami gave someone ds«- a chance to get bluffed. After tlie fifth one lnul l»een a short, grizzly-headed man, who had been whittling a shingle | on the platform and softly humming c Won't Go Home Till Morning," en tere<l the w aiting room, looked up at the clock and then sauntered to the I The young man was look ing over some freight bills and he did not raise his i. m.r - - i turned away, 'What's that train?" repeated the | whittler in a louder voice. The agent looked up for a second, but let his eyes fall without answer. "Whar's that train?" shouted tin* pas senger ns he brought his fist down the shelf. No answer. After w aiting ten seconds he walked out doors, turned to the right and suil denly entered the ticket office through the freight house. Walking straight up to the agent he reached over th«> table and seiz«*«l him, pul hid him across lik«* a streak of lightning, and as he gave him a shake and jammed him into he called out:— "Whar in thunder and blazes is that ar' train?" "It's a-eoming!" gasped the agent. "When—whar- which?" "In about t-tweuty minutes!" "What made 'er lute?" "The engin«! broke down at Winches 1 on a corner t«>r. Then why in ('rocket's name «lidn't Young I ain't you say so in the furst place, man. tak<* a squar' look at me! purty, nor genteel nor saintly, but I'm plumb up and «town and mean bizness! When a man asks me how hogs ar' s»*ll in' I'm go n* to gin him a civil answer if it cracks tiir«*e ribs, and when I ask you why that dog-goned oltl buligine hasn't snorted in you've got to hear or down comes your trestle works! yon catch on?" "A -yes -certainly—train's behind tim«' -I»«- hero s«»«»n of e-corn*.' -yes <>t | course." Then the solemn me Do i man rose up. *°»'k his hat in his hand and passed it around f«»r money, and we felt lik«* raising a mil lion dollars for the solid man fis a t«»k«*n of our love and rev<*ri*nee.—Detr«»it Fr«*e Press. j I I iug from »■ often ing «»f the brain. Pos ! sibly: but no alarming symptoms of soft cuing of the cheek have yet been noted. It has been said that (injtcau is suffer - The Colorado Primer. _ Denver Tribune, | ! Her « 1 we torPi ,» Democrat icMa.ss Meet i. \ iug. How many people eun you s«-o ! Three? Yes. that is right. Why do you Smile? You «re Smiling because you think three People should be called a Mass Mei ting. Alas, dear children, von Do not know what it is to tie a Demo crat. and if you are good yon never will. i it. i his is a Hired Girl. She has Home thing in her Hand. It is a Can. and there is Coal Oil inside. The Hoed (iiri ! Dove and Desires to Die. ! some of the Oil in the Stove and Light it with a match. In about half a Minute is going to Light a Fire in the Kitchen Stove. She has been Disappointed in She will Pm she w ill be Twanging a Golden Hart among the Elect in Heaven. in. What is this Nasty-looking Object? It is a Chew of Tobacco. Oh. how Naughty it is to Use the Filthy Weed. It makes the teeth black and spoils the parlor Car pet. Go, quick, and Throw the Horrid Stuff away. Put it in the lee Cream Freezer or in the Coffee Pot. where No body «»an see it. Lift!«» girls, you Should never chew Tobacco. | What Smells so? Has somebody lieei Burning a Hag, or is there a Dead Mule in the Hack-yard? No. the Man isKinok ing a Five-cent Cigar. The Cigar has a I breath on him like the Chimes of Nor mandy ora salivated cheese Factory. I) js strong enough to raise a Mortgage oi Liek a postage stamp. The Man will chew a Piece of Assafœtida by and by to i T ake tfrro-T ast e . Cigar out f hi IV. | Mouth, v. It is going When it gets to tin Fair it will Swim around in a big Kettle of Warm Water. A lady will Stir it with Her«- we have an Ovster. 1 to a Church Fair. a Spoon and -tiltin' Warm Water !<>i Two Hits a pint. Then the Oyster will move on to the next Fair. In this way tin* Oyster will visit all the Church Fairs in town and Bring a great many Dollars into tin* Treasury. The Oyster goes a great Way in a Good Cause. Briefs from our Exchanges. Wasn't Adam the first man to "sell tin race?" A $10.000 education on a $•*> boy D money thrown away. Ideal Youth—Can you call the baker a loafer? You can. and the baker can givi yum a belt in the jaw . "Another lie nailed." remarked tin wag as a merchant tacked up tin* sign. "At cost." | We always en joy green buck meetings. to occur be when tin* nmeting happe tween »« greenlmok and ourselves. A weekly paper enlle«l Camuuni .Sewn has ;«i»|>eared in Washington. It should he introduced into f!«»ngr»!ss when that laxly meets. A Dublin paper contains the following: "Ï hereby warn all persons from trusting my wife, Ellen Flanagan, on my account, as I am not marri» 1 «! to her. rt* a iu<'an boy, who. knowing that i his sister's young man is still in tin* par [ or w il! slip down stairs near midnight and guy I y ring the breakfast bell. "Papa," remarked the enfant trrribk. w in» was mounted on the back of the old gentleman's chair, engaged in making crayon sketches on his bald head, "it wouldn't do for you to fall asleep in the desert, would it?" "Why not, darling?" "Oh, the ostriches might sit down on your head und hatch it out.