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A WORLD OF LITTLE THING3. I V; j , L' tr!:l o' laughter, t chord In imturu'a A IItti. Lunch of ro.M to Ofrsrrerd .h A llui. d.M.1 of rlhtoun to tand A llttlo duty tiriit.); 11 llttlo honor wmis A llitl. hill unuouutHj, no J a Hal., kind- riit dorm; A liUU labor dally; a little iTnyr anl lralan; A llttU aut of klndnn to glnMn wt-ary ''"fi; And tha whoh orutloi to ita coabtiless v Ji!,7Tn ""'.""V ..., ror IIu.d uiao in ilvltiu la a world of llttlu xhUl- A "2 uT " "h'"'r U"' ftltb0"8h " Wa" A1'M";ui'iOrCOmf0ftnh',aW1'lt"r,',a'h,i A1u!:w;,luJ"K'IV''a, 10 n A Httl wmIwiiim waiting us at ending of tha day; A llUln purpose ehlu'c through evf-ry dend ' . wo do; y t f ,, xvwfr 9 oho Economical Pirate. ' f V,y CHARLES (1LUIO. Unrip Jonah was the only Bailor In our family, and that was one too many. Undeterred by his Christian name, he ran away from houic In boyhood and began his notorious marine career as a stowaway in an Australian clipper. I can understand that the family life must have jarred upon him, for my grandfather was a Methodist preacher of the narrowest typo, and Uncle Jonah's boyhood was soured by a sur feit of chapel going and leng family prayer 3. For 20 years or so Uncle Jonah held g no communication with his bereaved flf family, who alluded to him aa "a lost f vessel," and regarded his probable de cease with equanimity. Then he re appeared, with rings in his ears and a a roll of banknotes in his pocket, and his early follies were condoned. Un- like most sailors, Uncle Jonah had de veloped thrifty habits. For the first week or two his reputation as a man of substance enabled him to "sponge" upon the frequenters of ue village inn; .'but after that people began to resent 7- his stinginess, and the hospitable v stream of free drinks ceased to flow; thereupon Uncle Jonah went no more to the Goat and Compasses, and began to tire of pastoral life. Soon he went afloat agiln, securing the command of a tramp steamer bound for the Gold coast with a cargo of square gin and -h . condemned rifles. I bade him farewell in the South J ampton docks one bleak evening in V. i February. His parting words aston- V43heI me. "James, my lad," he said boastful ly, "I'm going to make my fortune this voyage, and If I ever come back I'll make a gentleman of you." The doubtful prospect of becoming a gentleman without Individual exer tion did not lure me into Idle habits. There was the chance, too, that Uncle tah might be drowned. I pursued ' vocation (as we pressmen phrase it) until I rose to the position of re porter on the Daily Scum. Years passed, but no tidings of Un cle Jonah ever reached me, until ono day, in the ordinary course of busi ness, I was sent to Bow street police court to write up a case of piracy on v &Ttne hiSQ seas tnat promised to afford ""Uajood copy. The intelligent reader will M 'jjaave guessed that the accused person 1 proved to be my Uncle Jonah; but I v need hardly say that I was wholly un- ! prepared to find a relative in the dock. My professional zeal enabled me to stifle any emotion that might have in terfered with the business in hand. Ifia man possesses the true journalistic Ijfitfnct he is capable of writing a de scriptive article on the vivisection of his own father, and will take pride in the task. I recognized Uncle Jonah directly he stepped into the dock. He had aged a little, for his black beard was i , streaked with gray and his keen, fer ' ' rety face had grown haggard; but he did not appear to be greatly cast down k-f his misfortunes. To say that ho W himself with dignity (I took the jerty of saying this in my .report) Anild be inaccurate. Uncle Jonah jy '?" neve had any dignity, being one of f I those familiar, vulgar persons in whose company even the dignity of otArs withers like a leaf in autumn. Hp shifty eyes explored the dingy C.'urt and rested for a moment on the reporters' table. He recognized me and winked. The evidence taken that morning was purely formal, and, pending the attendance of some important wit A 3 tj,e prisoner was remanded in C' idy. I foresaw that the coming frial would be made to excite excep tional interest, cases of piracy being comparatively rare. I was eager to secure the first "interview" with Un cle Jonah, and to this end I played the useful card of our relationship for all it was worth. The inspector of po- ?, after pocketing a sovereign, con 's ed himself unwilling to resist the appeal of the prisoners beiovea nephew. I was permitted to spend half an hour in the cell, on condition that I made no professional use of the in terview. The exigencies of journal ism obliged me to pledge my word to the inspector, thovgh I foresaw the impossibility of keep:::- my pronrlso. 1 u And tils i3 the z'.x A )' luri-aini? to wblu the ,,.,,', , ,, . imu For ,,t.l,a n'Ba U llvln ,a worlJ 11 tliltftS. , , A HttU hopa, a littia lovn. a Hula toll and rt; A llttin Kltmpaa t.fond tha toll, a Mttla problmn kui'"1; A Hula faith, a little doubt, a llttln hllndud tru-t A llttlo tinning- Journey, and a llttlo of lt A Httl-tknowl,d,a m.-roly of little way w. A lluio'dUam of Hear. awaiting at the A llUbtr-.ln upward, although on hrok.m wing-. For lilt l laim U living' In a world of little thing-. Alfred J, YutfrhHlM ru'1 vw4 tt- cy aj toll by my -Uncle Jonah. I re lato it as nearly as possible in his own words, omitting his lurid mari time expllcatives: "In these days of keen competition." said Uncle Jonah, "it's no sort of good, my lad, trying to run a pirate craft on old fashioned lines. A hundred years ago, or maybe, fifty, one could afford to ship a strong crew and give the men a fair percentage of the profits; but nowadays there's the stokers and en gineers to settle with, the coal bill's something awful, and you must employ a few trained gunners besides. Steam's played Old Harry with piracy, and sp'lled the slave trade. To start with, there's the cost of the plant. Eighty years ago they could build a wooden line of battle ship for 100,000 quid; now you can't buy a 400-ton steam yacht at the figure. Well. I needn't go Into de tails, and there isn't time, but even a land lubber can see that only million aires can run a pirate on their own." "Then how did you get the money to fit out your ship?" I asked. Unc!e Jonah winked and spat skil fully Into the corner of the cell. "The Falcon was run by a syndicate of Ger mans," he said, "and my instructions was to attack nothin' but British ships. If I knew the names of the sharehold ers I'd give 'em to you. but they al ways paid my salary through an agent." "What did you earn, Uncle?" I asked. "Two hundred quid a mont. and T, percent commission," he replied. "The first mate was to get a hundred," he added, "and the seamen and stokers six quid a week." "Then the wages bill must have been very heavy," I suggested. "That's where you're wrong, James." said my uncle. "In the old fashioned way of business the Falcon would have wanted a crew of about 50 hands, and the company wouldn't have paid 10 percent unless we'd captured a mall steamer or two every month. As I said jus-t now, a modern pirate's got to be run on economical lines, so the stingy directors only allowed me a doz en hands, including the cook, who was under contract to fight as well as stew." "A dozen hands!" I echoed, incredu lously. "The rest was dummies," growled Uncle Jonah, "mechanical dummies, my boy, made in Germany," he added, cynically, "like the war office field guns." "I can't see how you can construct a fighting dummy," I objected, "else our war office would have adopted the patent." "These didn't fight," said Uncle Jo nah. "They was only meant to frigh ten the passengers of the malls we stopped. Ever seen the innards of a Waterbury watch?" I nodded. "Well, these dummies were worked on much the same lines. Their in nards was chock-a-block with long steel springs, James, and the wigs and beards made 'em look as fierce as if they was fed on raw beef. Some of 'em could do the cutlas3 exercise, oth ers used to walk up and down the deck on rails, and one used to lean over the fo'c'sle rail and spit, as natural as life. The works was fitted to go for two hours; after that you had to wind 'em up afresh. "We had 30 of them German dum mies," continued Uncle Jonah, "and If you'd seen 'cm half a cable away you'd have taken your davy they was as 'uman as any other pirates. I believed in the beggars myself, James; that'3 where I made my bloomin' error." I wrung his hand in silent sympathy and resumed my notes. . "In bad weather," continued Uncle Jonah, "we had to keep tarpaulin cov ers over 'em, unless we sighted a prize; and when we got. into the trop ics some of the faces, which was made of compo., began to melt." "That was awkward," I continued. "Xo, we carried a few spare laces and shifted the old 'une. There's many a human man'd be glad to 'ave his face shifted the same, and wimmin, too, for the matter cf that. I knew a gal once in Liverpool, whose fare Weil, jicver mind about that," ho broke o:T; wirnrr.in ain't likoly to trouble about m any mora In this world. Taki my advice, Janus, and steer dear ff females. Tbpy tost a man a lot more than they're worth, and If ono could only make a tt-mala dummy to cook and new on buttons" Hut my unclo's view on women were not original. G.-iitly, but firmly I resisted hla di grixlon, for our time was short and facts meant money. "The bumt-Jip came about in this way," Uncle Jonah resumed. "We'd taken ono good prizo in the Atlantic, and sent all hands comfortably to tho bottom, when the npent sent a code iim'skuko Paying as how the Cape mail, wllh di'monds and gold aboard, would bo off Madeira on a certain date he mentioned. I managed to fill up with coal from an old bark, which gave us the devil's own trouble to sink nfter we'd done with her, and then Htearned south in pood time to look nfter the Rhodes Castle. She was timed to leave Madeira in the forenoon, and I wanted to overhaul her In daylight, so as to let the crew and passengers take stock of our dummies. The.e mails carry a lot of people, you know, and ono had to put 'era In a bluo funk, clsfi they'd have shown fight. "Sho was well up to time, and we sighted her about e!x bells (3 p. m.) In the afternoon watch, coming along at 16 knots through a sea a3 smooth as a duck pond. As luck would have it, there wasn't so much as a sailing ship within 20 miles, and I made sure of them dl'monds and the gold. "Between you and me, James, I meant to retire from business if we pulled it off, and I shouldn't have been over particular about settling up with the syndicate." This confession of dishonesty pained me, but I let it pass. To reprove a pirate for swindling his employers seemed, on the whole, inconsistent. "We slowed down," continued Uncle Jonah, impressively, "wound up all the dummies, and stood by to give her a couple of rounds from our 4.7 gun. The chap who bossed that gun had been a navy man, and he could hit a funnel at 1000 yard3 four times out of six. He got 10 quid a week from the syndicate and he said It was a nice little addi tion to his service pension of 18 pence a day. "When the Rhodes Castle closed within a,bout five cables I gave the word and ran up the black flag. The nary man let rip, and the foremost funnel went over like a candle in a hot' room. The second shot carried away the chart house and part of the bridge, and then the captain stopped engines. "Now, you must bear In mind that we only had 12 hand3 besides the Ger man dummies, and the mail boat car ried a big crew without reckoning the passengers. We could have sunk her in half an hour, but It was no good doing that till I'd got the stuff out of her. "My plan was this: I left the mate and the navy man in charge of the Falcon, and took the other none along with mein the boat to overhaul the mall. We was armed, of course, but I trusted more to the 'lurid dummies than our revolvers, and I told the mate not to close nearer to the mall than 500 yards. At that distance our dum mies looked right enough, but they seemed a bit stiff in the joints at closo quarters. Perhaps I was a bit flur ried. Anyway, I didn't notice any thing wrong with the mate when I give him the orders. When we got alongside the mall I hailed the captain and told him to send all hands for ward except himself and the mates. Then we boarded the ship, and I had a few words with the captain. I told him we'd come for the gold and the dl'monds and the loose cash and the wimmin's jewelry, and if they gave any trouble I should sink the ship with all hands. I meant to sink her anyway, but there wouldn't have been any sense In making them desperate. My instructions from the agent was to sink every prize we took and spare no lives. It sound3 a bit harsh, James, but a pirate can't afford to be tender hearted nowadays, or he'd have a dozen warships after him in side a month. When we captured the Oceanica (she was supposed to have struck an iceberg, you'll remember) the navy man and that fat headed mate pf mine wanted to take their pick of the wimmin; but that was clean against the contract, and I wouldn't allow It. "The skipper cheered up consldera ble when I told him we hoped to get through the job without cutting throat, and he handed over the keys of the safe like a lamb. Those two shots from the 4.7 had dene our business, and to look at the Falcon you'd never have doubted she carried a strong crew of out and out murderers. 'See here, captain,' says I, pointing to my ves sel, 'you might mnnage to hobble me and my search party; but if we don't, get safe back to the Falcon in half an hour, my mate has orders to blow this hooker out of the water.' '"Very well,' says be; 'I'm helpless, and you're free to gut my ship. Since you mean to avoid bloodshed, I'll give you every facility.' "'Right,' says I, 'this is a matter of business, and the sooner we get through with it the better. Tell tha crew and passengers to fork out every sixtrcu- they've got on then, r.r. t' to dub jp thir Jewelry. 1st your mate go round with a bread ba and muka the collection. He's pot rather the cut of a church warden.' " You might do without the jewelry.' told th eap'n. "'Well, the married wlnmln may keep their weddln" rlngV siys I. 'It's quite Irregular, but I'm a widower my- telf.' "With that I followed the captain down to the strong room, taking four hands with me to carry up the gold. My ldr-a was to bans on to the dl'monds myself till I could pet 'em under lock and ky In tny own cabin. So you 8e, James, I couldn't avoid going below to the strong room, an: If that lurid a.ss of a mate had obeyed orders I might have been in South America by now, living like a lord mayor." At this point In his narrative my Uncle Jona! fell Into a gloomy reverie from which I had to rou:;a him before he resumed It. "There was 100,000 quids' worth of gold in that strong room, or I'm a liar," he continued, "and enough dl' monds to have half filled a bread bag. It took us some time to get the gold on deck and lower It Into the boat, but I nevertackledany job that seemed to tiro me so little. When I got on deck the third time I saw in a shake that something was wrong. The crew and passengers of the mail was all craning their necks over the eldo and staring at the Falcon. "I took a peep at her myself, and blamed if the mate hadn't closed In that near that you could have heaved a biscuit aboard her. The fool must have been drunk, I suppose, or he'd have had the sense to know that he was risking all our necks and his own, too. The Falcon wa3 so near us 1 could easily see myself that the pirates on deck were dummies They were working well enough to take in a stranger, but some of the passengers were looking through their binoculars, and that fairly turned me faint with funk. "We might have pulled through after all, but just as I was shouting to the mate to get further off the spitting dummy got out of gear. As I told you just now, the innards of the dummies was full of long steel springs, and they had to be oiled twice a week. Oiled they were, too, so it was no fault of mine that about three fathoms of spring came jerking out of the spit ting dummy's ugly mug, in full sight of everybody. Now, it stands to rea son no human man can spit up 20 feet of steel springs, and the people on the mall knew that as well as I did. The loose end of the spring whipped round the neck of the next dummy, and the bloomin image kept on workin' as if it rather liked that sort of a collar. The passengers be gan to laugh, then the crew laughed; and, when they'd done laughing, they just tumbled aft in a heap and made prisoner of us before we could shoot a dozen of them. That's wuat comes of trusting your life to goods made in Germany," concluded Uncle Jonan. "If you want to do me a kindness, James, find out who made that spitting dum my, and drop him down a sewer." a My interview with Uncle Jonah, which duly appeared in the Daily Scum next day, procured me a very accepta ble position oa the paper. A few weeks later I had the privilege of witnessing and reporting the execution. Poor Uncle Jonah! His savings went to the crown, but he really was of some service to me. The King. Manila Barbers Must Be Clean. Crusades are in order all along the line, and following the recent ones against gamblers, opium dens and ordinance-evading cocheros in San Nich olas district last week comes a "round up In Blnondo of 40 razor wielders. Not the class who reach down for one when angry, but the gentlemen who earn a livelihood in keeping the facial appearance of oters in a neat and cleanly condition. Last night Capt. Shattuck's men of Auloague station, gathered In a collec tion of Chinese and native barbers who have been guilty of not keeping up to the terms of a city ordinance which demands a standard of nicety in the way of white coats, clean hands, good soap and sterilized parapherna lia of tho trade in order that the spread of disease may be obviated. The act was passed by the municipal board some time ago, but many of tho natives and Chinos have persistently ignored it; hence the round-up on tho part of the police Manila Times. The English Language. So far from there being any real danger of the defilement of the lan guage by the profusion of Briticisms of Americanisms, of Canadianisms and Australianisms, of New Zealand isms if such exist, as no doubt they do English is really the most fortu nate of all modern tongue.; in that it has so many sources of refreshment, so varied, to remote from each other. Brander Matthews in Harper's Mag azine. Japan's government report shows that insr.rance po'.icics aggrcgatinj " " ' r.re carriod by Japanese.. POPULAR ..CIENCI1 Ir. I)ernpo!ff, th5 head of the Ccr Man tint I malaria exH-diiou to Nw Guinea, announces that ho has discov rrc( an aquatic innec t which dentroys tho anophelcH moaqutto, and that ho propom-H to cultlvato tho creature ar tificially In tho hop of exterminating tho mosquito, thereby exterminating tnaUrla. A now and lntcuting departure li the nhapo of tthlpa' Mills has been Ue fctgnod l, Construchr Krcischmor of the German naval department. Ho lias been led to make this Innovation I:i the desire to Increase the cfilc iency of a vessel, without at the fame timo on abnormal augmentation of the coal consumption. I'roft. Krctscbmer, In stead of designing the hull somewhat nfter the form of a fish, has taken as hi. iiudcl aa aquatic Llrd, which, liko the ship, make its way along the sur face of tb3 water. In his design tho chip's hu'.I has tho ;hapo of a tetra l'.cdr.'.n or double wedge. By this means it is anticipated that the effi ciency of vessels will be Increased by 60 percent. Another great advantago i3 tliat such vessels will have no wash. Several interesting experiments have been carried out by tho Austrian army to obtain reliable data relativo to the possibility of disabling a bal loon wnen floating in tho air, by eith er rifle or gun firs. For the purpose of the experiments a balloon was an chored at the height of about 7000 feet, and the gunners, kept in igno rance of tho range, were then com manded to disable tho balloon. The difficulty of hitting the balloon when in mid-air can be realized from tho fact that the gunners fired 22 shots be fore the approximate range was found, and that it was not till the sixty-fourth round that the balloon was hit, and then only slightly. The small tear in the gas bag .however, waa sufficient to cause the balloon to descend slow ly. Pneumonia (lung fever) having be come of late years the most deadly disease at all ages, general Intelli gence in regard to its cause and what may be done to avoid it is desirable. The disease depends upon a specific vegetable organism, which, being at all times present in thickly populated districts, Vrows rapidly In the air pas sages of the individual if hi3 vitality Is suddenly depressed. In these par ticulars the bacillus of pneumonia re sembles that of consumption, but its multiplication is much more rapid and the poisoning from its excretions much acute. The danger of pneu monia may bo lessened by keeping the air passages clear of mucous, by avoiding chill and fatigue, by good ventilation and absence from crowd ed and overheated rooms. C. Delezenne finds that the venom, both fresh and dried, of the cobra, the adder and the puff adder, all contain a peculiar ferment, a kinase, which, although itself without proteolytical action on albumin, is able to impart to pancreatic Juice a very powerful di gestive action on that substance. This ferment is entirely destroyed by heat ing the venom to 100 degrees C. for 15 minutes. The poison of the puff ad der is the most active in this respect, 0.5 to 1 mgra. of the venom being sufficient to enable 1 c. c. of pancreat ic juice to digest 50 cgm. of albumin In ten or twelve hours. Cobra poison wa3 found to be slightly less active in this respect, while that of the viper had a marked lower proteolytic action, five or 10 times more being requisite to produce the same effect. The kin ase appears to resemble in its proper ties the ferments secreted by certain micro-organisms, and to possess the same action as the enterokinase of the intestinal juice. The part played by this substance in serpent venom is being investigated. Queer Pranks with Colors. At a recent test of the Hewitt mercury-vapor lamp in London, much in terest was aroused by the queer pranks that the light played with col ors. It made one red object appear blue and another black; one blue ob ject blue, another brown. A particu lar shade of crimson was most vividly and beautifully enhanced. The whole effect was such as to make one feel that his sense of color was crazy. For any purpose where color is not of im portance, the light was found beauti ful, and Its production quite economi cal. A Wife's Dairy. From the diary of a wife: "I am completely disheartened. Tonight I entered tho parlor suddenly and found I my husband lying on one side of my i lovely new sofa cushion. How impos j siblo it is for a woman to make a home in tho true sense when she is married to such an insensate man! Sometimes I f:-el I should be glad to diel" Now, if the husband had lain on iwo sidos of that sofa cushion how ter rible the result must have been. Can ton Saturday Roller. Seventy French firm.i manufacture motor cars, and their combined out put last year wan 12.000 cars. The in dustry emrlnyefl ISO.Oi'O workmen, rarnins on an eve rags $2'i) a year ca h.