The comet., April 19, 1884, Image 1

About The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916

Image provided by: University of Tennessee

                
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JOHNSON CITY, TENN., SATURDAY, APKIL 19, 1884.
NO. C.
Sewing is now (aught .in the public
wdaVbropringfield, Mass. ,
"Ftye "Ti ji rMl artists now have stu
liw in New; York City. -
The beet iiKt sugar manufacture is
being OvcriVoiiw in Germany.
.Montreal 'claims to have made about
ltWK),ixJD'liy ler ice carnival.
WiidVliew public buildings are
tolbD'PtJvO.Htorics in height.
Jftr jf5Htjntfi!,and screw factory haw
lee started in Chattanooga.
JTon1VrfiSofiYoV has thirty-three cot-t(n-l
wjth 1,161 looms and 78,877
somff 20,000,000 of
. ......... , , 1 '
WTWri"liSwhi,hi are valued at
itTi&F.th&'enaigrAnt from England
totti&A'uHtralanihn Colonies wore 37,
ttlCVmtfKfi, KX.-'
firing the present century 150,000,
(XXtyjrtyJwi 6f the Bihlo have been print
ed ilV22. different languages.
Jim - 1.
Tlvifre are. 100 saloons in Nashville
nnttlS schools f all, grades, and (5
churceH-of nil denominations.
Tiff 5ift.tiHiP.Wga Goa Company has
refefljed ,tkeprie4 of . gas for engines
andco&luit stoves to 1.87' per
thousaua, tj..
The Cumberland plateau alone is
o&jWt of rjj "porting millions of sheep,
beside; eeing hundreds of thousands
of cattle. , .
. - .it ii-V ." '
The totalpopulation of children be
twecn the ages oi b ana years in
Tennessee" is a fraction over 501,000
including the colored population.
One million dollars will bo invested
in buildings and factories in Knoxvilta
during Jiie present year. The amount
invested in building last year was at
least 1750,000. -
The East Tennessee, Virginia' and
Georgia people seem to be spreading
out. They arc about to erect new oar
artdjiichiWshap at Knoxvillo, at a
cosCul $i(XMH)0 nd a new passenger
. depot at a cost of $20,000.
A charter has been registered in the
office of the secretary of Slate of Ten
nessee1, incorporating Jhe Lookout
Mountain Canipioecting Association
Sni ritualists
91 '...
.The incorporators
lailtmi, lnox and Shelby
rkneHSoe, and Pulaski and
rere
coBll
Fulton counties, Georgia.'
fleueriii IJiltleiiis now said to have
it in mind to write a book of rewiinis
cences. A Boston publisher says that
if kf iklwjtea book in two volumes
it wlWklfie'rn'Hf to sell two hundred
and fifty thousand copies through
agents! 'Tnis.'u. fifty cents a volume,
world gjfP,the author a royalty of
Ckson and her daughter,
Miss. Julia, being in Atlanta, Ga., the
otheiwtaj, eroMted by a reporter.
To Jayiirwvid : "We have
read accounts of the brilliant reception
tcnderedJhft .daughter of Stonewall
Jackson IrTLoMfibn' andother Europe
an cities, but I. can assure you that
neither of us were ever in Europe and
nericpnfemplated a visit, across the
Atlantic." "You do not understand
howotho- story originated?" "No; I
have pot. the slightest idea."
Mmo.Patti tossed her head and her
eyes aparkle4.JU ahe talked to an in
tervicwerjn New York thus: "Mar-
quis oc iaw is noi my nubuuuu. vtq
were livwod, consequently there
coiJmJuI' M rfroHciliation. ' There is
notTuK'LkiPucrtt ota pi truth in the
runUftl Xiii moM that he and I were
to be reunited! A year after the Mar
quis and I were divorced I married
Kignor XicvlijU-J)o s the- public ex
pect mrvto haVo Iwohusbands? Am
I U).def4 ihe(ignor and go back to
the man I left yearg ago and who no
longer-bears any legal relation to me?
Buoh, nonsense!"
The civil authorities in Cincinnati
are going to, try the experiment of
taking care of the jail and its inmates
onejiii .dthave dismissed the
mibiitrAi ,TW ppliccmen have been
instructed now to use the Catling gun
in case iif-nWfl, and one regiment of
militia remains within easy call. The
effects hfUhe Tioi still linger, especially
i mong the amwsement-going people,
who can scarcely be induced to buy
eata for any of the musical or draiuat-
. Jc entertaiiinients, for fear of a renewal
oi the nlpDHtfr"iTlje probabilities are
against any rtHumitun of tiie distur
lauc)(Vj1fiowUMilti' the madness of the
moWiaw'haxl tiirte toicxl.
'onklinx ii ml ArJlmr.
Conkling never asked a favor of nor
tried to exert an influence on Arthur af
ter bo took the oath of office. He has
made one visit to him since that time.
He did it, as he supposed, at Arthur's
earnest request. Just after Arthur
was installed in office anil while he
was a tenant of the "Gray House"
Senator Jones, of Nevada, appeared in
Utica, bearing a verbal message from
Arthur to Conkling. Its purport was
that the President earnestly desired to
see the ex-Senator in Washington at
hiscarliestconvenionce. Jones, Conk
ling and Arthur were known to bo
frionds. In the Senate, Jones and
Conkling had relations which the
troubles that sent the latter out of the
Senato only served to strengthen.
The Nevada Senator and the new
President were under the same roof.
Everything favored the idea that the
one should be tho bearer of an impor
tant confidential message from the
other to their mutual friend. Mr.
Conkling was ill and prostrate in his
own house, wholly unfit to travel. He
was, however, induced to start for
Washington. Before reaching New
York ho began to question tho expedi
ency of the visit. At the Fifth Avenue
Hotel ho consulted with friends, who
urged him to go to Washington.
Jones could only say that it was Ar
thur a request, and to the advice of
Conkling's New York friends he added
arguments which only a mutual friend,
fresh from the scene of action, could
urge.
Conkling roaehed Washington- more
dead than alive. Proceeding to tho
Gray House it was not long before he
saw that either Jones had misunder
stood or that Arthur had changed his
mind. It appeared to him that the
visit was an intrusion. He did not
seem to have been expected. Possibly
he was not wanted. The Nevada
Senator offered ho explanation. The
isit was of brief duration.' Arthur,
after an unimportant .conversation,
had business which required his atten
tion elsewhere and Conkling returned
to his old quarters in the city, where
he kept his vd for days. Ho returned
to Utica as soon as he was able. It
was the last time that Mr. Conklin
anil Mr. Arthur met, except casually
and by accident. They have not eon
versed together since.
Mr. Speaker Carlisle in India Ink,
l nere nas ncen a custom lor many
years of having a portrait in India ink
made of the Speakers. In accordance
with this custom Speaker Carlisle has
recently been pictured, and will in
few days take his place in the long
line of Speakers on tho .walls of tin
lobby in the House. Mr. Covington's
committee had not only to decide and
pass upon the price to be paid but
it had also to decide upon the value
of the work as a likeness. They de
cided it was true and correct in every
particular and ordered that it be
placed in the line. When Speaker
Carlisle saw the portrait he said he
did not like some parts of it, but he
would have to bow to the judgment of
the committee, which had decided it a
good picture
Democratic Gain In Indiana.
Washington, April 11. The Indiana
Democrats in Congress and employed
at the Capitol are jubilant to-day over
the returns of the spring elections
that 8tate. Mr. Dalton, Postmaster
of the House, says the returns show
that the Democrats have increased
their majority of two years ago, which
was 17,000 j that they have carried
counties hitherto Republican, and
that the Democratic party is in much
better fighting trim than its oppo
nents. It is also claimcdUhat the re
cent elections give the Democrats con
troi oi tno election machinery all over
the State
Important Land Grant Forfeitures.
A -fiewecontroversy is anticipated
in the lUHC.over the pending bill
declaring "the" forfeiture of railroad
laud grant. It provides for the for
feiture oi about 37,000,(XX acres of the
Northery I'w'ifia grant. It will prob
ably create a most bitter contest, and
it is thought, by members that a long
debate will.ensue on, the proposition
Thisls'the most. Important' f the for-
ii'iiure ami involves more legal quei
tioiis than the other.
A Koiind lllllioii In ltnuki.
"I suppose there arc stored in the
banks and safe deposit vaults in Wall
street and vicinity not far from $1,000,-
000,000," said Mr. Robert Pinkerton,
as he sat in a comfortable, easy chair
in bis office in Exchange place. "I
may be a trifle out of tho way in mv es
timate, but not very much. The protec
tion of oil this wealth requires theservi-
ces of a large number of men in addition
to the usual mechaical aud electric de
vices employed for that purpose. The
bulk of this largo -sum of money is
stored in tho vaultH of safe deposit
companies. The vaults ore built of
fire-proof and burglar-proof material
and made as secure as modern in
vention will allow. They are connect
ed by electric wires with the nearest
district telegraph oflico. Armed
watchmen pace to and fro in the
rooms upon which the vaults open.
These men are required to give a
signal over the wire at stated inter
vals during the night, in order to
prove to the proper authorities that
they aro faithfully attending to their
business and that nothing of an evil
nature has happened. If the signals
aro not given an armed posse of men
are at once sent to the vault in ques
tion. In addition to these watchmen
there are other watchmen who
patrol tho street in front of the
building in which tho vault is placed.
Private watchmen and detectives are
also on the lookout for suspicious
persons."
"Are there as many professional
bank robbers now as there were for
merly?" inquired the reporter.
"I don't believo there is the making
of a regular gang of first-class bank
burglars among all the thieves of
this country," replied Mr. Pinkerton.
Nearly nil the old professionals have
either died or have been arrested and
put away in prison and the younger
men don't seem to have the ingenuity
of their predecessors. Look at the
noted bank burglars who have been
caught and Bhut up within fifteen or
twenty years."
"Tho young burglars are now exor
cising their skill upoijewelry safes in
different parts of the country. They
have met with such success that the
jewelers of the United States have
been compelled to organize themselves
into a society for the purpose of nmtu
al protection."
Health HintH.
Don't shake a hornet's nest to soo if
my of the familv are at home.
Don t try to take tlie riglit of way
from an express train at a railroad
crossing.
Don't go near a draft. If n draft
oines toward you, run away. A sight
draft is the most dangerous.
Don't blow in the gun your grand
father carried in the war of 1812. It
is moro dangerous now than it was
then.
lion i now a wasp ry tne otner end
while you thaw it out in front of the
stove to see if it is alive. It is gener
ally alive.
Don t try to persuade a bull dog to
give up a yard of which it is in posses
sion. Possession to a bull dog is ten
points of the law.
Don't go to bed with your boots on
This is one of the most unhealthy
practices that a man, especially a mar
ried man, can be addicted to.
&,000 NpeeelieM
The House of Representatives has
authorized it Doorkeeper to employ
twelve men in the folding-room to fold
the speeches of members. They arc
paid $00 per month for their services
and will have their hands full until
after the November election take
piace. air. i. ox saw mat mere were
50,000 speeches in the folding-room
already, and they are pouring in at
tho rate of ,25,000 per day. These
speeches are mainly political on both
sides, buneomb for the most part and
are sent out as campaign documents
at the public expense. As both the
Republicans and Democrats are en
gaged in enlightening their constitu
encies in this way, ueither party has
the right to complain of the other. ' It
is an abuse and, a misappropriation
of the public money about which all
seem to be agreed, and the constitu
ents who are benefitted by reading the
documents have no good reason to object.
Will some great Republican reform
er tell the barbarian . Southerners
wherein the superior civilization of the
North lies, and the distance it is from
Cincinnati to Tcwksbury. Lynchburg
Cmuptnyn.
A pol ted Icer.
Two young women were examining
the animals in Central Park, New York,
last Sunday.
"Oh, what a beautiful spotted deer!"
said one. The other woman bowed
her hoad and wept.
"Why, what's tho matter?"
"Vh, you (ion t Know now bail you
make me feel when you talked about
that spotted deer. I once had a spot
ted dear."
"You did?"
... i -
l es, my near was a street car con
ductor, and we were going to get mar
ried, but the company spotted him,
and he lost his position, and ever since
it makes me feel bad to hear people
say anything about spotted dears."
Texas Sifting. -
wanii i a to i, i :tt i : it.
Washington, D. C, Apr. 10, '84.
Mr. Eorroit: Speaking of jKilitics,
this city is the poorest place in the
union to hear the subject discussed,
during business hours at least. Every
lay from sun up till sun down, the
great majority of people seem to have
some employment something to keep
them busy. Tho largo concourse of
men and women, boys and girls, the
black and the white, the roil man, and
the yellow man, tho young and old,
the lame and the halt, the rich and
poor, seen on the streets in all direc
tionssurging to and fro all seem to
have some object in view, and the'
great mass of them -move at such a
break-neck" speed as to make an ob
server think their lives depended upon
it. After a certain hour in the even
ing the crowd dwindles down to a
cry small one, and quiet, on ordinary
occasions, is once more restored.
Just at this time you will hear more
of politics in Johnson City, Jonesboro
and Elizabethton in one week, than
you will hear in Washington in two
months. I don't mean to say that
the subject is not mentioned here, and
that politics is unknown to tho place,
but I want to make the point that it
interferes less with business and busi
ness men in this city than perhaps
any other place on the continent. Of
course the subject is thoroughly dis
cussed in the hotels and Bueh public
places, but this is (I might say) only
at night. There being no election
held here except for presidential del
egates to the National Convention
every four years, the excitement is very
little. Politicians from the states do
most of the talking in the smoking
apartments of the hotels. Men from
every point of the compass meet in
these places and tell of the wonderful
powers of their respective candidates
for President. Every side is well rep
resented in these hotel discussions
the greenbaeker, the independent,
the howling, babbling democrat, the
blatmg, black radical, and the the
man for the side that wins. Some
times it seems useless to hold cither
convention at Chicago, as the nomi
nations can be made here without go
ing to so much trouble and expense.
A teacher in one of the city schools
the other day asked the children what
kind of government existed in the Dis
trict of Columbia. One little girl went
home and propounded the question to
her father. He was very much puz
zled. He said to her that it isn't either
a Kingdom, Empire, Republic or De
mocracy. It has neither Czar. Einne-
lor rresuient uut appears
to be an institution with three heads
and one bod v.
Jefferson said that governments de
rive their just powers from the consent
of the governed, but that proposition
don't tit, for we never consented to any
such thing. It certainly wasn't a gov
ernment of the people, by the people
and for the people,' for as matter of
fact the people have mighty little to do
with it." The girl then asked if it was
a monarchy, either absolute or limited
and her father pointed out the ab;
sence of royal families to prove that
fhe pleasant breezes from the South,
and the warm sunshine for three or
four day's last week made us think
Summer was here but. we were sadly
mistaken. We forgot about dogwood
winter having yet to come and the
squalls that come and go with Easter..
We are now having a blindimr snow
torm. Nature seems to be fast asleep
here. She hasn't put on u single new
garment. May be she is dreaming of
new styles, and new fashions, and
new way's to decorato and adorn her
wardrobe when she does awake. A
few more day's of sunshine and a few
more warm showers I think will bring
her from her slumbers and set her to
weaving the beautiful robes she ex
pects to wear during tho coming sea
son. GltAIXCKU
!ot I'uW.
Old Nelson Patmore was elected
justice of the peace. He could neith-
r read nor write, but his friends as
sured him that such accomplishments
were merely side issues. One dav
Jack Maine sued the Commonwealth
for false' imprisonment. He employ
ed excellent legal council, and every
one thought he would suroly gain his
case. When the cause came up for
trial, the judge said :
"Young man, de 'dictment says dat
ycr wants damages fur false 'prison-ment?"
"That is exactly what we want,
your honor," said Maine's lawyer.
"Uh, huh.".
"And we think, your honor, that we
are entitled to live thousand dollars
damages."
"Uh, huh," handling his papers.
"We claim that Mr. Maine's impris
onment was false."
"Uh, huh."
"And we can prove it."
"Uh, huh. (ienermen, ycr say dat
de man' 'prisonment wuz false."
"Yes, your honor."
Uh, huh. He went ter jail, didn'
he?"
"Oh, yes."
"Uh, huh. What am de meanin' o'
false? Suthin' what doau 'zist oin'
it?"
"Yes, sir."
"Wall, dis man went ter jail. Dat's
a faek, ain' it?"
"Yes, your honor."
"Dat listed, didn' it?"
"Oh, yes."
"Dat wan't false, den. De Vision o'
dis cou't am dis. De gencrmen claim
ed tor hah been 'prisoned falsely. De
proofs shows dat de State didn' por
tend ter put In in in jail, but did put
nun dar. De cou't hoi's dat dar wan't
nuthin false 'Unit dat. Now, ef de
State had pertcuden ter put him in
jail an' hndn' done it, dat woulderben
false 'prisonment. I'll jis' sen' de gen
ermen hack ter jail, an' fling de law
yers in de cost. Arkunsaw Trav
eler.
A Matter of I'.iiunt-Inllon.
"What is that?" said a traveler to n
fellow passenger on a railroad train,
as they glided along the bank of the
Hudson, one day last winter.
"Ice saw," laconically responded
the other, as he glanced out on tho
river toward tho ungainly object indicated.
"I supposed you did see, or I should
not have asked the question. You
saw, and I saw too, . but I did not
know what it was."
"I said it was an ice saw."
"Very true, it is rather an eye sore,
disfiguring as.it docs that pretty sheet
ef ice, which makes such an excellent
sweep for the ice-boats to sail on, but
still I am in the dark as to what it is.u
"I didn't say eve sore. I said an ice
saw."
Oh, a nieenaw. Well, perhaps it
is. Just depends on the way one looks
at it. Thank you. Looks as thougl
we were going to have a thaw. " TV j-
(i.i Siftiiiii.
it couldn't he. He finally told her to
tell the teacher that "this district was
a small protectorate of the United
States, chiefly used as a city of refuge
for surplus statesmen that were slight
ly .run down at the heel at home."
Last night the primaries were hold
in different sections of the city for tho
purpose of choosing voters to meet at
tho convention to day and elect the
district delegates to the Chicago Con
vention. At spme places the voters
were as boisterous and noisy as they
could be. Many fights happened
brick-bats, clubs and knives were used
and to-day many poor wretches have
their persons adorned with bruises
cuts and mashed hands. The trouble
that I particularly refer to happened
in a part of the city called "hell's bot
tom," where' the colored people are in
the majority. No fire-arms were used
but had it not been for the police
men it is hard to tell what would have
happened.
To-day the delegates have been try
ing to organize the convention but
up to a late hour to-night nothing was
accomplished. Policemen line the
streets in front of Willard's Hall where
the convention is held, as if to quell
and quiet some impending mob. A
person not living here would-think an
election would certainly he conducted
quietly in Washington City, but it is a
mistake ; what I have seen and heard
convinces me that no place is free
from the dangers that go with elec
tions. It is wonderfully strange how
differences in opinion will give rise to
such deadly animosity between cer
tain classes of men. Such men ought
to be caged, and not allowed to roam
at large any more than other animals
whose nature it is to thirst for blood
- Mr. Editor, I would like to talk some
on the tanft question but it is too
What a 1M (Terence!
"It is strange how much difference
a suit of clothes makes in a man's
looks and weight!" remarked Brown
to his friend the other day. "In my
winter suit I weigh 228 pounds ; in my
summer suit, 219 pounds ; in my bath
ing suit my weight is only 210, arid-
"Yes," remarked the tailor as he
Tnlmage on Stribei-j.
I unroll tlioscrollofpoliticalwieked
ness still further, and I see the crime
of bribery. It is no light temptation.
The mightiest have fallen under it.
Sir Francis Bacon, Lord Chancellor of
England, founder of our modern
philosophy, author of "Novum Organ
urn" mid a whole library of hooks, the
loading thinker of his century, so
precocious that when a little child he
was asked by Qupen Elizabeth, "How
old are you?" ho responded, "I am two
years younger than your Majesty's
happy reign," of whose oratory Ben.
Johnson wrote, "The fear of every man
that hoard him was le.4 he should
make an end,"havingan income which
you would suppose would have put
him beyond the temptation of bribery
$3G,000 a year and Twickenham
Court a gift, and princely estate in
Hertfordshire and Gorhambury, yet,
under this temptation to bribery,
falling flat into ruin on his confession
of taking bribes, giving as an excuse
that all his predecessors took them ;
he was lined !f2(X),(XX), or what corres
ponds with our if200,0K), and imprison
ed in London Tower. So also Lord
Chancellor Maccioslicld fell, so also
Lord Chancellor Waterbnry perished.
Tho black chapter in English, Irish,
French and American politics is the
chapter of bribery. Some of you re
member the Pacific Mail subsidies.
All of you remember the awful tragedy
of the . Credit Mobilier. Under the
temptation to bribery Benedict Arnold
sold the fort in the Highlands for $;'1,
575. For this sin Gorgey betrayed
Hungary, Ahithophel forsook David
and Judas kissed Christ.
You know as well as I that in the
past few years it has beon impossible
to get a law passed by State or Nation
al Legislature unless there was some
financial consideration. When a bill
has appeared at the door the question
among your representatives has been,
"How much money is in this?" Re-
formersand philanthropists, with some
scheme for the elevation of the nation,
approach the door of the Legislature
or the door of Congress, and are laugh
ed at because their hands are empty.
Political bribes offered in shape of
preteiment lor office: "If vou vote so
and so, you shall take so and so.
If you will vote for my bill, giving
monopoly to my moneyed institution,
then I will vote for your bill, giving a
monopoly to your moneyed institu
tion." "Here is a bill with which we
shall have a great deal of trouble, but
it must go through.
Crowd the lobbies with railroad
men and manufacturers and contract
ors. JHake an entertainment for the
members, and when they are good
and drunk have them promise
to vote that way. Put 1,000
or $5,000 in the hands of this man,
who will be prudent in the distribu
tion of it. Put two thousand dollars
in the hands of this man who will sec
tluit it does good. Bo very cautious
how you approach men. Now we want
only four more votes and this matter
will be all right. Give a thousand dol
lars to that very intelligent member
from Westchester. Give five hundred
dollars to that stupid member from
Ulster. row we nave diu. two more
votes to regulate. Give three hun
dred dollars to this man and he will
many men in this country who are
worth their twenty millions, and their
forty millions, and their eighty mil
lions, and they carry a Legislature in
one pocket and Congress in the other.
Revolution ahead. I pray God it may
be peaceful revolution and at the ballot-box,
where every wrong can bo
corrected. We had a fortv years con
test about black slavery. We are to
have a ten or twenty vears contest
ibout white slavery. We are to havo
emancipation of American labor from
the curse of monopoly, I do not be
lieve in the union of church aud State,
hut I do believe that unless the church
of Jesus Christ rises up and proves
herself the friend of the people, as well
as the friend of God and in sympathy
with the great masses who are fight
ing this battle for bread, tho church
as at present organized will become a
defunct institution, and Christ will go
down again to the beach with twelve
honest fishermen to come up into the
apostkship of a new dispensation,
your person.
Brown thinks it was an improper
exposuro anyway, and proposes to
patronize another house.
broad a field to get in at this writing
Then I will keep nearer land by speak
ing of the weather. Although we are
nearly in the middle of spring time
yet in this latitude overcoats and
firs and whiter clothing are still worn.
passed by, "and my wait is for life.
If you would weigh yourself in your he sick and stay home, and then give
own suit, on public scales, you would three hundred dollars to this man and
be arrested for improper exposure of ll0 WN K t0 tlie bedside of his great-
aunt languishing in her last sickness."
The day for the passage of the bill has
come. The Speaker thumps hi gavel
upon the desk and says : "Senators,
are you ready for the question? All
in lavor oi tins mil will vote one or
two hundred thousand dollars or
million dollars into the lianas ot un
principled speculators will say, aye?
'aye! ave! aye!' All opposed, 'No.'
The ayes have it." "The money
wasted, the public treasure is gone
business is enibarased, and our Na
tional and State Legislature become
the sewers into which tho filth am'
the vomit of this nation empty them
selves, it you think that 1 exagger
ate the matter, go to any of these
places just before a bill Is to be passed
and learn that I havo not more than
half represented the truth in the case,
and that this crime of bribery is emit-
ing tlie whole country, depleting your
wealth. Oh, you men of affluence.
grinding harder your faces. Oh, you
children of the poor! Some of the fin
est houses ever built on Madison
Square, and Beacon street and Bit
tenhouse Square pave been built out
of money paid for votes by railroad
companies in New York, New Jersey
Pennsylvania and Massachusetts'.
The machinery of bad American
polities is made tip of about 5iK) wheels,
and the cogs of these wheels'play into
a greater wheel, and this great center
wheel has a tire of railroad iron and
alo a crank on -which is the hand of
Satan, and he turna the great wheel
and that turns all the 500 smaller
wheels in the political, manufactory.
What has been seen in other coiin
tries threatens this land. While as
consequence nf partial legislation, the
great masses of ople find it harder
work to make living, we have too
Marriage increases the papa-lation
of the country.
Something that should never be lost,
yet seldom kept a bad temper. . .
It has been asserted that Coke is the
best legal authority on cremation.
No matter how hilarious a man's
life may be, it generally has a grave
close.
Glove fighting is called manly sport,
probably because women do their
fighting without gloves.
Burglars entered the house of a New
Jersey editor, the other night. Even
burglars will sometimes make mis- '
takes.
The swells of London have what '
they call a Crush hat Club,' though
for that matter any club is good
enough to crush a hat with.
It is a sir-prize that girls are after
this year. But the men are growing
cautious and are not to be miss-taken
thus easily.
A poet sends a contribution entitled,
"Why do I live?" It is because he
sends his contributions to this office'
instead of bringing them in person. '
A clumsy man, in getting out of a
street car, steped so heavily on a pret
ty girl's toes that her shriek made tho
horses run away. This is a decidedly
stupid way of making a mash.
A preacher having married a couplo s .
in the church the other day, unfortu-:
natcly gave out as the very next hymn, .
"Mistaken souls that dream of Heav
en." -
"What can I do to a dude who stares
at me on the street?" asked a young
lady in a Chicago paper; Yoirhiight
hit him with your glove and kill hini,
if you can spare a moment's timci
A, Philadelphia, man compels, his.
daughter to eat onions every night
for supper, and thus assure .himself
that he can shut' ..the house , at 10
o'clock without; locking in a strange
young man. ,
Into the hilt of love's blithe meas
ure thure has crept a curious jar . and i
halt," sings Ella.Whqeler. It.appears
tluit Ella's pa, too, comes down to the
gate sometimes in his largest pair of
boots.
The Cincinnati Way. -
"So poor Bill Stubhs is dead," said a
Louisville man on the train the other
day.
"Yes, I understand so. Where did
it happen?" .
"In Cincinnati."
"Did you learn any of the particu
lars?"
"Nothing, except that he died
natural death."
"Is that so? Why I was told he was
knocked down on the street, and had
the life beaten out of him."
"Well, that's what they call a natur
al death in Cincinnati now."
The man who kicks his daughter's
lover down three flights of stairs, sends
her to bed with a scolding, then slacks
the parlor fire and turns off the gas,
should be sent to prison for contempt
of court.
No Norwegian girl is permitted to
have a bean until she can bake bread,
and the consequence is that she is an
adept in this culinary art long ere she
masters the arts of dancing, painting
frightful looking objects on plaques,
and spoiling brass by hammering it.
There are some Norwegian' customs
worth copying in this country.' " '
A Home Throat.
A humorous editor, living in Austin,
Texas received a cruel rebuke from
his wife not long since. She had been
to the theatre, and on her . return
home, gave such a very amusing ac
count of the performance, that her lit
erary husband exclaimed :
" by don t you write that out just
as you have told it to mo? It would
make first-class copy. You ought to
write for the paper."
.MO, l inanK you. one crank m
the family is enough," was the cutting
reply.
"Do you supiHse eating angel cake
will make an angel of me?" asked a
seraphic young lady of the worldly
young man. "I've no doubt it will,"
he answered, "if yon only eat enough
of it." Then bhc giggled, ami said :
"Why!"
A lirent Mind.
' ' . --II. '.'. :
It was at a dinner party, and they
were criticising Mr. Brown.
"But, pa," said little Johiiny, ':Mr. . .
Brown has a great mind." .,-..
"What makes you think so, son?",,
asked the fattier,, looking around
serenely at his i?iH'sts. :
"Oh, I heard him say so himself."
"At this there was a general laugh.
"You heard him say so himself, eh? ;
Come, tell us what he said." ,
"He said he. had a gi'ca.t.miud.to
sue you if you .didn't settle, tlmt. bill.
VoUowehim." i i , ..i ,
Tlie Very Latent Interview With :
Tilden.
Hamlet: Do you sec yonder -cloud
over Grammeiey Park that's almost in
shape of a camel?
Polonius. By the mass, and stiu,k
out from both shoulder like a camel.
Hamlet. Methink it is like a weasel.
Polonius. It is sly, like a weasel.
Hamlet. Or like a "whale?
Polonius. Very like u dead Chinci
teague creek whale.
Hamlet. Very like.
Poloniiin. No paralysis there.
t -;t'
II