The comet., May 10, 1884, Image 1

About The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916

Image provided by: University of Tennessee

                
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II
VOL. I.
JOHNSON CITY, TENN., SATURDAY, MAY 10, 1884.
NO. 9.
)
General UOTdon ih bui J to tut the on- Lady Montague said, "It goes far
ly Christian who u prayed for in the toward reconciling me U being a
mosques ai aieeca. womuu when 1 rellect that I urn in no
The Powers art gallery, in Roches- danor of "yi"g one." Now that
tor. N. Y.. ia said to be one of the fin- is .nKl- The Tory thing which she
est in thia country.
Professor Newton ban
I feared, is just whut reconciles the rent
of us to being men.
There is a rejort that General But
ler really contemplates writing a hook.
A Boston publisher says that if ho
would write a book in two volumes it
resigned his
position an director of the Yale Col
lege observatory.
A Circus in the west advertised "the
t J I
only cow-i.iaca aucrea eiepnamover would be easy to sell 250,000 copies
a in captivity ." through agents. This, at fifty cents a
John Wanamaker, the eminent volume, would give the author ay
Philadelphia merchant, conducts a Uy of $250,000,
Bible class numbering 220. Cincinnati is in daDgor of losing its
A Huntsville correspondent says reputation as a music-loving center.
Frank James, now on trial there, has The late opera festival wound up with
m 'let us pray" look.
London has twenty-eight daily
iournal. 625 weeklies, and over COO
monthly magazines.
William H. Vanderbilt'a art gallery,
contains 176 oil paintings, 111 of which
ar by French artists.
a loss of ofi$20,000, and it is expected
that $30,000 will be lost in the May
festival. The city takes more natu
rally to floodsand fights than to festivals.
Leopold Morse, of Massachusetts,
is the only professed Jew in congress,
lie is a native of Bavaria, but came to
If a man has other qualifications to this country when quite young. Ho
f o with it, it is a good thing for him began business in Boston in a little
clothing store. Now he is worth $1,-
000,000 or more. He has been in con
gress three times.
to be honest.
It is stranre that some one did not
disperse the mob in Cincinnati by
proposing to take up a collection.
Gambetta's grave is still cov
with funeral wreaths, and bushels of
visiting cards are placed on his grave'
tone.
Marv Anderson, according to the
London Truth, has made up her mind
either to marry the Tope nor to take
in washing.
A printer who died in Charity
erp(i hospital, New York, the other day-
asked for a chew of tobacco only a
short time before his "form" waR closed
About a week previous to that a con-
sumtive died who was a mere skele
ton, so weak for days that ho could
scarcely raise his hands, much less
his lody. Yet one of his last requests
on the day he died was for tobacco.
Beniamin Franklin Butler will be a He )lt stcadily'and could not
delegate to the Democratic National e Kept trom it.
Convention at Chicago. He is a tariff
reformer.
Offering candy to an elephant is
like an offer of marriage to an old
nitid. She may turn up her nose but
ahe accepts it all the same.
Why He W ouldn't Io.
A highly recommended young man
applied for a position' in a dry' goods
establishment.
"I like you," said the proprietor,
"and do not doubt that therecomrnen-
... ...i
w hencver a man says he thanks the dations given you by such eminent
JnTthat he hasn't a wife, every worn- gentlemen are richly deserved, yet I
an in the land should respond with a cannot employ you. The main duty
hearty amen. of the position which is now vacant is
noi.nrJ KiioriiUii'u 'head -has been collecting bills. You would never do
..rWo Phi rmii- ior a uiu collector.
copied in
rades. and tho bust will be unveiled
there' with ceremonies ou May 5.
B. P. Shillaber, otherwise Mrs. Par
tington, denies that ho is "at death's
door." On the contrary, he is as chip
per as anv other man of his age in
Boston.
"Why not, sir?"
"Because you walk with a limp."
"very true' but I can get around
actively."
"uii, yes, tun you see a tame man
never makes a successful bill collector,
Now, for instance, you were to call on
a man. Jie would notice vour limn
Miss Mary . McClellan, daughter of land would immediately size up your
General McClellan, appeared at an footsteps. our thimp,thimp,thamp,
entertainment in Wasingtoh with clev- would soon become fumiliar to his
en boqueta, tie tribute of her adiiiir- ears, and ho could get out of the way.
What Men Nar Akm Women.
Her true pleasures aro in tho happi
ness of her family. uMcau.
When once the young heart of a
maiden is stolen, the maiden herself
will steal after it soon. Moore.
Woman' is a delightful musical
instrument, of which love is the bow
and man the artist. Stendhal
When a young man complains that
a young lady has no heart, it U pretty
certain that she has his. Prentice.
Most of their faults women owe to
us, whilst we aro indebted to them
for most of our better qualities.
Charles Ltmetlet.
A beautiful aud chaste woman is
the perfect workmanship of God, the
true glory of angels, tho rare miraclo
of earth and the solo wonder of the
world. Ilermei.
She was little known beyond her
home ; but thero she silently spreads
around her that soft, pure light, the
preciousncss of which is never fully
understood till it is quenched.
Channing.
Women are the poetry of the world
in the samo sense as tho stars are the
poetry of heaven. Clear, light-giving,
harmonious, they are the terrestrial
planets that rule the destinies of man
kind. Harqrave.
Few great men have flourished who,
were they candid, would not acknowl
edge the vast advantago they have
experienced in the earlier years of
their career from the spirit and sym
pathy of women. lieuconxfield.
Women arc not only justified, but
exhibit the most exalted virtue, when
they do depart from the domestic cir
cle and enter on the concerns of their
country, of humanity, and of their
God. John Quincy Adams.
0 women! thou knowest tho hour
when the good man of the house will
return, when the heat and burden of
the day are past ; do not let him at
such time, when he is weary with toil
and jaded with discouragement, find
upon his coining to his habitation
that tho foot which should hasten to
meet him is wandering at a distance,
that tho soft hand which should wipe
the sweat from his brow is knocking
at the door of other houses. Washing
ton Irving.
Mrs.
The shrewdest Democrat in tho Ren-
ate is Ishara . Harris. He wants
Tennossee to send a solid tariff reform
delegation to Chicajro, Lot us have
a low tariff.
Mrs. Olo Bull will leeve Boston in
the summer for Norway. She thinks
that her daughter Olca, now twelve
years old, may become as great a vio
linist as the father.
A bill collector should bo able to dis
guise his walk. A lame man cannot
do this. Excuse me a moment," and
tho merchant disappeared. A mo
ment afterwards a lame man entered
and asked for the tradesman ; but
learning that he was out, went away.
When tho merchant reappeared, he
said:
"That young fellow was a collector,
but you see I have got onto his walk.
I am glad that an example has been
Victor Hugo, at eighty, writes with presented so opportunely. Good day.
his owa hand all the important parts H you should over get over your
of his MB. "Those ,of my thoughts lameness, come around."
that are immortal," he says, "I would
not trust to an amanuensis."
The Duke of Bucclcuch, who has
Just "died in Scotland, was known
wherever he went uncovered by a
peeuliar mark a large wen upon the
top of his head.
Michael FiUgerald, a federal sol
dier who deserted fllteen years ago,
recently surrendered himself at Vicks-
burg, Mississippi, because his eye
eight la tailing and he can no longer has just been appliod
lake care of himself. Ln the skv is viable
APIIlar of fire My .tight.
The greatest flow of natural gas
known to the world was struck at
Wellsburg, twelve miles north of here,
this morning, at a depth of 1,287 feet.
The reservoir was tapped and the
fluid rushed out with such, force as to
throw the heavy toolsjiigh in the air
and demolish the derrick. Up to this
time all efforts to cap the tub and con
trol the gas have been futile. A light
and the glare
thirty miles
, An intelligent Chinaman discours
ing upon Chinese names to a reporter
of the Springfield Republican says
that Hop Sing means "deserving pros
perity," and that Woh Loong means
"success through concord."
Georgia reports at least one lucky
man. ; tie sued a man for twenty
thousand dollars, won his case, col
lected his money and had seventy
dollars left after settling with his law
yer. ;-. Some men are born lucky.
away, in quantity this woll is esti
mated to be a half greater than the
famous McGurir well, making it the
largest in the world. Nearly $1,000,-
000 have- been spent in the vicinity
boring for gas, but Wellsburg a lone
has been successful!, having now three
wells in operation, lighting and heat
ing the town, melting iron and glass
and entirely superseding all other
fuels. This last well will be piped to
vv liecnng ana supply tne numerous
mills, furnaces and " glass houses
Always pass the fruit to everybody here,
rise before helping yourself. Common A fabulous price for the well has
politeness win induce yonr company oeeu onorea nom I'lttsburg and ro
to leave the choicest specimens upon fused. Tho town and surrounding
the plate, when you am eat them country are wild with enthusiasm
without exciting remark.
Susan B. Athony thinks she could
liave stopped that Cincinnati riot if
he had been there. Her plan, we
believe, was to give tho crowd twenty
feet start, and then declare that she
Intended to catch the hindmost man
and marry him.
Rn.e Ingratitude.
"So you refuse to buy me that now-
silk dress 1" , said an Austin girl to her
mother,
"No, Esmeralda, I really can't afford
it
"So, that s" the way you treat me
whe have made you a happy mother,
The late Charles Reade the English O, how sharper than a serpent's tooth
writer, was of commanding presence, it is to have a thankless mother,
nearly six feet tall, deep chested, and When you first became m v mother. I
wg without being stout He had never dreamed that it would come to
magnificent brown eyes, clear-cut, this,"
firm features, as close-trimmed, nearly
beard, and hair more than gray hang- About the only chin awaiting the
ing thick about the neck, but sparse initiatory lalor of the barber is the
and thin on tho forehead. urchin. V
pens-
eeny
have
there
lomesli- Economy,
"Maria," said an Allen county
ant to his other half, "have you
idee how many vouug'uns we
Rot?"
"Nigh onto 'leven I guess."
And how many dogs air
ouu o'ere?"
"Most a dozen, I giioes ; there's Tige,
n' Bruct, an' Growler, an her four
pups, an' the hmind, an' tho terrier
n' them others o' Hank's that loaf
around v'ere."
Yns ; 'levee children and only a
doson dogs Mariar, don't ye think
we have most too many children?
imes is most tarnation hard, ye know.
Say, can't we put out eomo o' the
chunkiest gals to work? I 'lowd thet
they could make enough in a spell fur
us to buy another dog or two."
"Jiwt as ye say, Hczekiah."
"Wall, I 'low 'f wo could swap two
of our young'uns fur four more dogs,
wed be fixed. I guess I'll try it,"
The Lincoln iui4liftvtCHlinetN The Nejtroeit of the ftorth.
The grim reaper has beed more spar- The general good senso displayed
ing of the chief members of the Con- by tho colored citizens who met last
federate government than of the chief week at Pittsburgh was particularly
contemporary members of the Union conspicuous in the refusal of the con
government. Jefferson Davis is still forence to make itself over to tho lie
living, while Lincoln and Johnson are publican party. Tho negroes of tho
both dead, but Alexander II. Stephens North are beginning to see clearly
has joined the great majority. Thero and to say boldly that the alleged
were three Secretaries of State under debt of gratitude due by their race to
Davis Judah P. Benjamin, Robert the Republican party does not amount
Toombs and R. M. T. Hunter, all of to political vassalacc forever.
whom are living, and surviving Socro- Evry such declaration of indepen-
tary Seward. Thero were four Con-1 dent manhood is a good sign, for it
federate Secretaries of War. Of these, nif.rks the progress of our colored fel
L. Pope Walker, the first, only sur- low citizens toward a correct under-
vives, with Simon Cameron, George standing of American principles.
W. Randolph, James A Scddon and There are forms of slavery besides
John C. Brccenridge sleep with Edwin that from which the nogroes were
M. Stanton in the City of the Silent, emancipated twenty-one years ago,
1 here were two Confederate Secreta- There are shackles not of iron, and
ries of the Treasury, C. G. Memmin- whip lashes of other than the pla'nta-
ger, who still lives, and G. A. Trcn- tion type,
holm, who has passed away with Chase Let us look at a few of the North
and Fessendon. Davis had only one ern States which, together, are indis-
i
Secretary of the Navy, S. R. Mallory, pcnsable to the success of the Repub
and he and Gideon Welles have both hcan party in a Presidential election,
goife to their final rest. There were In Connecticut there were, four years
three Confederate Attorney Generals, ago, 3,533 colored males of the voting
Of theso, Thomas Bragg is dead, as is age. It is within bounds to put the
Judge Bates of the Lincoln Cabinet, present colored vote of Connecticut
and Thomas II. Watts and George E. at 3,500, Gen. Garfield carried Con
Davis are still living. necticut by only 2,(556 votes.
- . i -
There was only one Confederate Indiana is a very closn State. By
Postmaster General, John H. Reagan, the last census the number of negroes
and he survives Montgomery Blair and there over twenty-one years of age
Governor Den nison of the Lincoln was 10,730. The transfer of this politi
Cabinet, and is ono of the leading cal strength from one side to the other
members of. the present House from means a change of 21,000 votes in the
Texas. Ho was in Congress before the result. Garfield carried Indiana by-
war, was in the provisional Confeder- only 6,642.
ate Congress, and was Postmaster Illinois has been steadily Republi-
General from tho organization of the can. The negroes of voting age in
Davis administration until it held its that State numbered 13,686. Garfield's
last Cabinet meeting at Charlotte, af- majority was 13,762. Had 7,000 col
ter Appomattox. As soon as made el- ored citizens of Illinois transfered
igible, he was returned to the Union their allegiancce to the-Democratic
Congress, where he has continued tin- party, Illinois would have been lost
til now, and is likely to remain his life to the Republicans,
timo if he shall desire it. The great State of Pennsylvania
There are five members of the Con- contained 23,892 negroes with votes.
federate Congress now serving iii the Garfield's majority was 14,625. It was
Federal Congress, They are Senators in the power of less than one-third of
Vest of Missouri, Pwgh of Alabama, the Republican negroes of Perinsylva
Garland of Arkansas, and Representa- nia to give that State to Hancock by
tives Singleton and Barksdale of Mis- united action against the party which
sissippi. est was a uoniederate pen- loves tliem only lust before election
stor; Garland was both Senator and day
Representative, and Pugh, Barksdale Gen. Garfield's own State (Ohio)
and Singleton were in the Confeder- gave him a majority of but 25,155,
Aid to tho Injured.
1. Bites of all sorts are painful, and
if not treated with expedition and
skill they sometimes prove very dan
gerous. The most common kinds are
those received from dogs, mosquitoes,
and bears. The rarest kinds are trilo-
bites and Jacobites.
2. One seldom if ever gets a bito
when out fishing.
8. If about to bo bitten by a dog,
whilo serenading or foraging in a mel
on-patch, immediately take some vio
lent exercise in order to preserve a
good circulation. For instance, run
a mile or so without stopping.
4. Never stop running because
there is a man with a club apparently
chasing the dog sometimes he is en
couraging him.
5. If this does not accelerato tho
action of the heart, climb the nearest
tree.
6. Do not get down for the purpose
of rescuing the sample of your trous
ers. This is one of tho dog's perquis
ites, and he wants it for his scrap-book.
7. When n mosquito begins to bite
do not slap him. Some authorities in
sist that you should let him finish and
then offer him a toothpick and an after-dinner
cigar.
8. The above rule applies strictly
to musquitoes and must not be extend
ed to include dogs or boars.
J, On suddenly entering a parlor
where the mistletoe hangs you may
surprise a young man apparently in
the act of biting a young lady on the
cheek. The symptoms which follow
this generally include blushing and a
tendency to talk about tho weather
The most popular remedy is a solitaire
ring applied to the third finger of the
young lady's left hand.
ate Houso.
Mrw Mulberry' Cake.
"Wake up!" exclaimed Mrs Mul
berry in a fond whisper, as she punch
ed the fond Mulberry in the short ribs
with her elbow tho other night; "wake
up ; I'm Bhure I here burglars down
in the dining-room."
' Don't disturb them then," said the
drowsy Mulberry, turning over on the
other side. Be just as quiet as you
j i i , .,.
can, anu mayDe iney will eat some
of that fruit cake you have in the pan
try."
Wnltcr on Roller SIciiIcm.
A novel and original idea is being
experimented on by tho proprietors of
the Paxton Hotel at Omaha. Having
observed the rapidity and ease with of the age for citizenship.
which porsons move about on roller majority was 5,865.
skates, it occured to the Kitchen 1 We commend these significant
Brothers, proprietors of tho Paxton, figures to our colored friends for care
that bossibly dining room waiters, mi consideration. Here are six
with tho requisito amount of practice, Northern States, with 132 electoral
could therewith facilitate table service, votes out of the total of 401 in tho
With this end in view, the head wait- College, all carried four yoars ago for
er drilled his crew, and a few days ago the Ropublioan candidate solely by
the tirst experiment was mado. A the negro vote, l he tune has come
patron of the house writes us that around again when the party which
with the exception of two of tho boys assumes to own the negro and his
who came down with tho trays, every ballot rewards him for tho past and
thing passed off well. entreats him for the future with such
The proprietors declare their inten-1 empty xpressiona of solicitude for
tion of giving the scheme a thorough his welfare as are to be found in the
trial, and the head waiter says he can, platforms of the conventions. What
and will make a success of this new other recognition has he obtained af-
style of service. If the skates can be ter twenty-one years of 'moral and
made noiseles, and the waiters become political servitude? Appointment here
m)wi bum;ii), w uuiiuvwo m ana there as tne alternate to some
least, in a large dining rooms, tht roll- white delegate toChioago.and in New
When One Iluntmud Thou eh I
' Very Ilurd
"I don't see why you arc so particu-
ar about your hair," said a churlish
I V 1 t,v i .
nusDana. "l aon t suppose Kvc over
wore bangs."
"I don't suppose she did," replied
the wife, with a quiet smile, "but then
thero was nobody in the world but her
husband to admire her,"
The husband became very thought
ful.
On the Kate Side.
First Western Desperado Well, did
you kill old Col. Rich?
Second Desperado Yes, I fotched
him.
"But where is the horse?"
"I did not touch that."
"Did not take the horse?"
"Certainly not. In this section
they will hang a man for stealing a
horse."
An Iowa parent requires his chil
dren to talk very nice at the dinner
table, thusly "Most respected and
revered father, I'll take another tatcr.
Pretzel's Weekly.
There are 25,000,000 to 80,000,000
hats made annually in this country.
and when a man is the last to leave
banquet he generally gets the worst
one. X, Herald.
The census assigns 21,70(5 possible col
ored votes to Ohio. Loss than 15,000
of these votes would have civen the
State to the Democrats.
New York had in 1880 a colored
population including 20,50 males of
Garfield's
cr skates cannot be made very useful.
The project is at least worth a fair
trial, and the proprietors in question
are commended for taking the initial
step toward a possible improvement of
dining room service. .
Jerjtey the doubtful honor of being
considered a little more respectable
than Secor Robeson. N. Y. Sun.
'Who Turn lat Dog K.ooe?"
At a certain hotel in Peoria, where
the meals aro not always what they little boy
A Centre Shet.
"Now, Johnny, if six men can do a
piece of work in one day, how long
will it take one man to do it?" asked
an Austin school teacher of a sharp
The Democratic primaries should
speak out as to tariff reform. Let
there be no coin promise with this pro
tection heresy. The few men who are
leading in that role, and are seeking
to be delegates to the Chicago Demo
cratic Convention, will find Jordan
hard road to travel. We must have
a James jv. row low tann. So in
struct. yashville World.
Two eminent members of the Irisl
bar quarreled some years ago, so vio
lently, that from words they came to
blows. The more iKnverful man (at
the fists at least) knocked down his
adversary twice, exclaiming: "You
scoundrel, I'll make you behave your
self like a gentleman." To w hich the
other, rising, answered with equal in
dignation : "No, sir, ncvor ; I defy you
I defy you you can't do it!"
"i naven i eoi any case, ' said the
client. "But I have money." "How-
much ?" asked the lawyer. "Fifty
thousand dollars," was tho reply
"Phew! you have the best case I ever
heard of. I'll soo that you never go
to prison with that sum," said the at
torney, chcenullv. And the man
didn't ho went there "broke."
"Well Pat," was asked of a recently
arrived emegrant, "and how do you
like America?"
"It's a foino counthry, sor."
"Have you "succeeded m getting
work yet?"
"No, sor ; but I bavo a friend in
Washington who is after getting me a
pension."
It is estimated from a statistical
point of view that loss of appetite
among young people on account of
love, annually saves to this conntry
IIOO.OOO'OOO. Perhaps so; but the ex-
pence of extra light and fuel and car
amels and ice cream, on the same ac
count, it is estimated, more than bal
ances this amount.
American Hats Pnucakes. '
A dark horse tho nightmare.
Always Uiwing The fiddler.
Always in haste The letter h,
The scions of tho times babies.
The most common skylight A star.
The oldest combination lock Wed
lock.
Tho wages of the pnragrapher his
k come.
"I herd," is the way a cow-boy bc-
ins bis conversation.
Cupid is tho greatest slay-belle in
the world.
A relic-hunter A follow endevoring
to capture a widow.
A tramp called his old shoes corpo-
ations because they had no soles.
Tho negroes say that Fred Douglass
has a white elephant on his hands.
How to keep your own council
Get into a Chancery suit, and you will
never get rid of him.
To thk ladikb : Marriage is ever a
mister-y; but anything is better than
perpetual miss-cry.
A young lady, not well posted in
music, wants to know if danco music
is written in foot notes.
A young man called his sweetheart
rare opportunity," because she is
worthy of being embraced.
While her mother was taking a fly
out of the butter, little Daisy asked:
Is that a butterily, mamma?"
Sullivan, tho pugilist, operates upon
his victims eye's. He is a knocku-
list.
If the young pharmacist don't be
have better, the young pharmacisters
will catch them and marry them.
"Doctor, examine my tongue." said
a good woman, "and tell nic what it
needs." "It needs rest," replied the
loctor.
"The school teacher is a fool if he
thinks I can answer that question,"
whispered Johnny in a low voice to
the next boy.
"Speak out, Johnny. I dare say
you are right,' replied tho pedagogue.
Two letter.
Dear Hubby Please send by mon
ey order $50. I want to get a dress.
Gkskvieve.
P. S. I had almost forgot to send
my love. Your little wifey. G
should oc, a merchant traveller, one
day, sat down to the table. He put
a dollar under a tumbler, and, calling
a waiter, said : V
'Do you see that dollar, Jim?"
"Yes sah," replied Jim, with a grin.
"Well, now Jim, I want you to get
mo a real good first-class dinner. You
understand?"
"Yes sah," and Jim set about fur
nishing a feast fit for a king. He had
no timo to see anybody else. He hunt
ed up new dishes, put extra touches
on everything, and kept his eye on the
dollar. Finally tho M, T, finished,
and, wiping his mouth, winked at
Jim.
"lcs sah, erinnea tho darkey m
anticipation.
"Jim, do you see that dollar?" put
ting his nana on it in a generous
way.
"Yes, sah."
f'Well, you will never sec it again," A traveler in Arkansas found tho
and it went into his pocket and out following notice stuck on tho ferry
of the dining-room, while Jim indig-1 man's door at Cache River: "Noatis
nantly remarked ; "Fo de Lawd, who Ef enny body cuius hear artcr lickcr
turned dat hog loose in heah?" or to git akross the river, they can ges
blow this hear horn, and et I don't
Being asked at the table if she would cum when my Betsy up at tho House
take some more cabbage, a young hears the horn blowin', shele cum
lady recently returned from boarding down and sell them licker.orset them
school, replied : "By no means, mad- akross the river, imo away from hoam
ame; gastronomical satiety admon- ionn wilson. N B them that can't
ishes me that 1 have arrived at the rede will have to go to the Hons ar-
ultimate of culinary deglutition con-1 ter Betsy taint but bafc h mile down
sistent w ith the code of E.-culapius." thar."
Dear Genevieve I send you my un
dying, best lovo. Your husband,
Charlks.
r. b. 1 had almost lorgot to say
that I can't send the $50. With a
kiss, CllAliLKS.
"What would you do if you were 1
and I were you?" - tenderly inquired
a young swell of his lady friend, as he
escorted her home from churcl
"Well," she replied, "if I were you 1
would throw away that vile cigarette
cut up my cane for fire-wood, wear my
watch ohain underneath my coat, an
stay at home nights and pray for
brains."
Lawyer Blank was in his usual
cynical mood. "I don't see how it is,'
ho said, "that the devil always seems
to get ahead of the Lord, not withstand
ing you say the Creator is all pow
ful." "Ah, but you forget," replied
tho parson' "that the devil has all the
lawyers on his side."
It is said that Lake Moosehicmagu
ticjeefcnuhmakantojuskatado, in tl
State of Maine, is becoming a jsqwh
bummer resort. Jit takes an America
a fortnight to learn to spell it, and
none but Germans and Wolshman ev
er attain the correct pronounci
tion.
Oh, will ho bite?" exclaimed ono of
the sweetest girls with a look of alarm
when she saw ono of the danein
bears in the street tho other day,
"No," said her escort "ho connot bite
he is muKzled ; but he can hug.
"Oh," she said, with a distractin
smile, "I don't mind that."
"I have always a welcome for thee
as the spider said to the blue-bott!
This is a novel turnout," said the
bookseller as he dumped a lot of un
saleable fiction into the ragman's
cart. .
The girls in Brittany are not allow
ed to sell their hair. In this country
the gills don't have it, as it's a sell
itself.
Girls should not whistle. It reveals
to the young men that they have
wind enough to make excellent
scolds.
Barnum's elephant is a light pink
on its forehead, and if it bad hair, it
would look like a red-headed girl with
bangs.
The Japanese word for hell is
"jigoku." This should forever eettlo -
the question of the derivation of the
word "Chicago."
A health journal says you ought to
take three-quarters of an hour for din
ner. It is well, also, to add a few veg
etables and a piece of meat.
A recent writer on natural his
tory says the giralf has a tongue sev
enteen inches long. Good gracious,
how tho woman must envy him!
A good minister asked n Burling
ton girl what representative of tho
religious press she liked best,- and '
she replied: "My Sunday night
beau."
Now the beer sellers carry tho big
oleander treo out in the back yard
amid the empty, kega and pop bot
tles and advertise the summer gar
den.
The picnic season is upon us, and
the greatest ambition of the averago
young man is to have some one in
vent a pair of pants the color of cus
tard pic. fc
A strange fifih, four feet long, and
with a mouth ten inches wide, was
recently captured off. Block Island.
They are going to try and get it for a
minstrel end man.
"What will the coming girl wear!"
is a query in a fashion magazine. :
Well, she will wear out your patience,
if she is the coming girl in a restau
rant, where they employ waitresses.
It is said that extortionate charges
are made for storing petroleum in
Turkey. As long as sage and onion
dressing can be had, storing petroleum
in turkeys ought to be discouraged
some way.
I'se 'spicious o' people whut bcrten'
ter bo so ten'er hearted. 1 once
know'd a man whut had so much
foelin' dat ho wouldn' step on a spider,
an' he wuz airtcrwards hung fur mur
dcrin' his wife.
A Connecticut minister has de
nounced kissing games at social
church gatherings. Hois ninety-five
years old. The old man evidently
wants it in the dark. The giddy old.
coon.
A Texas fanner weaned a calf too
young, and the ioor, innocent brute,
in attempting to suck its tail, turned
itself wrong side out, and made the
butcher swear when he attempted to
skin it.
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