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SEQUACHEE, TENN., THURSDAY, JAN. 23, 1896. NO 29.
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BULLS AND BLUNDERS
The Irish aje credited with nearly
all the bulls and blunders in the
English language. But the following
list of advertisements copied from a
London periodical, and meant to be
serious, seems to prove that England
beats the sister Isle all hollow, in the
art of mixing sense with nonsense.
Well might Gladstone say that no
people spoke worse English than the
English themselves: I
"Annual sale now on Don't go
elsewhere to be cheated come in
"A lady wants to sell her piano,
?8 she is going abroad i n a strong i
"Want experienced nurse for a
"Wanted a room by two gentle
men about thirty feet long and tweii
ty feet broad."
"Furnished apartments suitable
for gentleman with folding doors."
'Lost, a collie dog by a man on
Saturday answering to Jim with a
brass collar round his neck and a
"Wanted, by a respectable girl, her
passage to New Tork, willing to take
care of children and a good sailor.
"Respectable widow wants wash
ing for Tuesday."
"For sale, a pianoforte, the prop
erty of a musician with carved legs."
"Mr. Brown, furrier, begs to an
nounce that he will make up gowns,
capes, etc., for ladies out of their
"A boy wanted who can open oys
ters with a reference."
"Bulldog for sale; will eat any
thing; very fond of children."
"Wanted an organist, and a boy to
blow the same;"
"Wanted a boy to be partly out
Bide and partly behind the counter."
"Wanted for the summer a cottage
for a small family with good drain
age." "Lost near Highgate archway, an
umbrella belonging to a gentleman
with a bent rib and a bone handle."
"Widow in comfortable circum
stances wishes to marry two sons."
"Wanted good boys for punching.
"To be disposed of, a mail phaeton
the property of a gentleman with a
moveable headpiec? as good as new.
The last is a copy of an inscript
ion painted on a board which adorn
ed a fence in Kent:
"Notis if any man's or woman's
cows gets into tfcia hare otes, his or
her tail will bee cut off as the case
To the above might also be added
That owing to the lateness of the
harvest Lord Waterford will not
shoot himself or any of his tenants
till the 15th of October.
Newton Fultz of Lovers' Leap was
Built tlio Wrong Way.
"I shall never forget an incident
which occurred in the first fair I ev
er attended in Georgia," said aretir
ed Cincinnati meat packer to a wri
ter in the Atlanta Constitution. It
was at Macon and I think they called
it a state fair. A t any rate it was a
big thing for the town in those days.
They had some fine stock on exhibi
tion and a Pennsyivanian had sent
down about twenty of the finest
looking hogs you ever saw. They
were mostly Chester whites, and if
I recollect aright they were exhibit
ed by Thomas Wood, a great hog
and cattle fancier of twenty and thir
ty years ago. He it was who intro
duced that famous breed of hogs the
Chester white, and he made a great
deal of money out of his fancy stock. '
who used the plain language and nourishing, and radishes are now is
wore a broad-brimmed hat. He was or(er'
a smart old gentleman, honest and Last Saturday Mr. J W Graham
prosperous. He sent his hogs from went to Jasper to help station agent
state fair to state fair and they took Williams there.
bo many prizes and blue ribbons that Trm tboge le tree8 ,
each hog looked like a boy who had dont Kmk it benefit you
spent all his money making a collect- if H d t kter on
ion of badges.
"When the Macon judges made I. Saturday morning's train had Miss
their awards they gave blue ribbong Francis, Mrs. B. F. Lasater and Ed
very liberally to the razor backs, but win Pryor, all for Jasper,
not one of the fat, sleek Pennsylvan-1 m Burnett and John Kilrore have
lie was a inend, a quaker you know
ia nogs got a prize. ine owner ot
the exhibit did not understand it, so
he went to one of the judges and said
in the language of the friends:
"I know the to be an honest man
and I do not question thy fairness in
the award, but to gratify my own
curiosity I would be glad to have
thee tell me why thee gave all the
prizes to the nativs stock and what
fault thee found in mine?"
"My friend, the committee admired
your hogs greatly," the judge replied
"They are certainly handsome and I
have no doubt that in your section
they are the best breed to raise, but
they are not suited for this country.
They are so short-legged and fat
that a nigger could catch them in
two miuutes. What we require for
a hog in the south is legs and wind.
We give our prizes for speed."
A meeting for organization of a
musical society -will 1 be held Saturday
Evening, Jan. 2o 1896, at 7 o clock,
at the residence of Mr. 1 hos. II. Hill,
Wiliiam C. Hill.
buy your taklets at this office.
nice one for only 4cts. Unly a
on hand so come quick before they go.
We haven't any natural gas here
exevpt the big stories told around the
stove at the Sore can be called bo.
Mr. J. C. Wjxgner went to Jasper
Monday Mr. J. II. Vinzant went
Miss Hattie Bell . is now
friends in Pikevllle.
Job work that is job work done at
this office. Did you know that?
The days are lengthening the ev
ening train gets here before dark.
Miss Bell Francis is visiting her
sister, Mrs. Walker, it Bridgeport.
M Martin is still trading horses,
which is exhilerating if nothing else.
The hot bed at the hotel Marion is
. iugt finished getting out 1500 posts
for trellises in the vineyard.
Although garden seeds are on
hand we do not see many people dig.
ging. Mr. Gabel is about the only
Miss Hattio Walker who has been
visiting her parents at Beersheba
Springs, is now with her sister at
There is a good chance to clean
up now. Make your premises neat,
and see how much better you feel
With the revival of the rainy sea
son the fountain in Central Park is
playing again. Do come and see our
We gladly add one subscriber
from Victoria and one from New
Hampshire to our list and still have
room for more.
What's going to happen? Nash
otlier- FacPkage coffees at
ville papers quote Arbuckle's and
After the nice weather of the lat
ter pait of last week, it has taken a
mean streak and cold, wet days have
been the rule since Sunday.
Mr.L. M. Faihy of New Hamp-
,. - .J, . - 0 . r
( shiie, a former resident of bequachee
arrived Satuvdav evenin? and SDent
I , u 4
Sunday at the Marion House. He
left early Monday morning by way
Talk is now
The arrival of Gabel & Brown's
saw mill is daily ex pected, and the
crowd of would be employes is daily
Our readers will notice that Hen
ry Watterson had his eye on the Se
quachee valves, which naturally will
lead you to look at them also.
We hear that John Byers and M.
Martin are in treaty for the Jones
mill to cut timber on the Leva n
tract and any other they can obta in
on the mountain.
Mr. J B Eldridge is making great
improvements on the Thornton es
tate which he bought last fall. That
is the way to farm, clean up all the
brush and turn the soil under.
The News thanks Hon. I. G. Har
ris for Pub. Doc's, received this
week. Mr. II. is the only member
of the Tennessee delegation who,
thinks of us.
When the people have thought it
over and realize how humiliating it
will be for Marion to be left out of
the big show, perhaps they'll take
Oh yes, the mountains all around
are full of coal but our coal bin is
empty and there is not enough mon
ey in the whole town to get a car
Mr. B. L Francis returned to Wa
panucka, Indian Territory, Saturday.
This is the first time he has been
home in twenty years. He expects
to come back this way next fall,
when the Centennial opens at Nash
ville. We are told in confidence by sev
eral there is no danger of any imme
diate marriages here. Prosperity
loiters outside the door too much,
and the meat and bread problem
causes the boys to think they had
better let well enough alone.
Messrs. Gabel & Brown and Chris.
Gabel the machinist, have been at
work at the planing mill changing
pulleys and shafting for the saw mill
addition. We hope they will be
running soon as every little helps and
we want everybody who can to be
The saw mill has arrived a brar.d
new one. It came Wednosday.
I Now we are anxious to have it set
inn onrl vrnrkW and for sweet chari-
w l rj
ty's sake, don't everybody begiu, as
they have in the past, t) know tluir
business. Let them alone