Newspaper Page Text
Drs. Turner, Parks h'fagm
DENTISTS. Mary Street, Union City Telephone 144. j Drs. Turnsr, Parks & Kuglias I DENTISTS. Mary Street, Union City j Telephone 144. TUITT? ii Tnloii City Commercial, MUblhhel ISM. I rvin-nH,i-til (n,mh i irot We, i Tenae Courier, eouolulied ljjW. C0Di0UJ,tea Beptembr 1, 1897. UNION CITY, TENN, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1907. VOL. 16, NO. 45 T OMMERCSAL PEESIDENT ON GRIDIRON Nation's Chief Executive Overcome With Merriment. Washington, Jan. 26. Pres ident Roosevelt was bo over- come with merriment at the din ner of the Gridiron Club Saturday night that he nearly fell off his chair. J. P. Morgan and II. II. Rogers, the victim of a prank, en joyed most heartily the shout that went up at their expense. President Roosevelt, in his of ficial capacity, has been at dagger points with the dictator of Wall street and the oil trust' magnate. But Saturday night these worthies and many others, cabinet officers, diplomats, professional and busi ness men from all parts of the United States, met in a spirit of comraderie that mark the meetings of this famous dinner club of news paper correspondents. The incident just related occur- ed during the carrying out of the principal skit of the evening, , which was based on President Roosevelt's centralization idea. Thejyear was 1917, and a ceremoni al session was held of the court of , "His Gracious and Imperial Maj esty, Emperor of All the Americas, Champion of Centralization, King of Kings and Monarch of the High, the Middle and the Low." .jT J. The room was darkenedAn eS afttv ten strokes on a gong the i lights came up and "a georgeous ' gold throne was discovered, be side which stood a herald, who an nounced the, members of the cburt as they came in. There were four officer of the kings privy council, courtiers, pages and jester, and all the panoply of a court. A spirited colloquy was inter rupted by the entrance of two rag ged and woebegone men, both of whom prostrated themselves be fore the king. One said: "Be merciful, for I once owned all the railroads in this land." The other exclaimed: "An I controlled the oil productions." They were identified by a courtier as II. II. Rogers and J. P. Morgan This was when the shout of merriment went up. It was de tided by the court that inasmuch as these men had been deprived o all their profiting they should be given employment. "Rogers was billited as "first oiler of of the im perial special train," and Morgan was made "official photographer of the Panama canal," with instruc tions to get all the steam shovels." COURTIERS JESTING. The laugh was long nd furious at the jesting which followed at the President's expense between the king and his courtiers. Courtier: "Your majesty's am bassador at the Court of St. James reports by submarine telephone that the Rt. Hon. James Bryno did six feet four irjches in the pole vault yesterday. King: "It is not enough. Sev en feet orvve woot recieve him. Wasn't the French ambassador to be here by this time?" ', Courtier: "He is in the garden putting the 12 pound shot." King: "Inform him that I will not sign that treaty of alliance un loss be does better than he did yesterday." The skit ended with the recital of an epilogue and the "Star Spangled Banner" from the orches tra. Everybody at the table rose, chwred and waving napkins at President Roosevelt, who was im mediately introduced. Ho made V" .iiiiit"li - VvhiC.h -. Vt'iVa - rCCt'Hfid with tremendous enthusiasm. Sec retaryof War Taft came in for sume utteulion. Inanimate stat utes which later became -much animated, carried on' a cross fire hv of persona! comment with the guests as victims:. " ' One of them went this way: JAMUA 1907 TS OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY IN THE JEWELRY and Optical business, and we wish to thank our friends and patrons for their liberal support and patronage during the past year. We assure you that we will strive harder and are better pre pared to give you better service than any jewelers in a town of this size in the State. Our new goods will be on display February 1st. We have new novelties fresh from the factory, and invite your , inspection. We court comparison on prices with anybody. We have a fine stock of diamonds on hand, bought a year ago, that we are offering at last year's prices, despite the fact that they have advanced 20 per cent. NEW RAILROAD Padu- Satisfaction Guaranteed or Money Refunded" is our motto. ANDREWS "Ufie Dependable Jewelers and , Opticians Telephone 89 Union City, Tenn. 'Is Secretary Taft a candidate for the Presidency?" "Yes." "Does he waist to be Chief Jus tice of the Supreme court?" "Yes." ' . - "Does be wact to remain with his present great work as Secretary of War?" ."Yes." "Has be a longing to return to private life?" . "Yes." "How do vou know all these things?" "I read the statement he put out a few days ago." Joke on Fairbanks. They played a good joke on Vice- President Fairbanks. They . . it. sung; " Are you going wick to Indiana, Fairbanks?" and announc ed that a reply would be expected ater. This reminder was given at intervals throughout the even ing, but the vice president was never given the opportunity o get back at the bovs. In the- illustrated souvenir 'Who's Who," in the Gridiron u'ose'and rhyme, appeared this one at the expense of Mr. lair- banks: Said our Iloosier-bred, sky-scraping vice, "My title is one to entice, "l!ut it does seru to rue ip u.ui uav i.tr t.i ' i "That nothing could beguile so nice." They treated the new cabinet of ficer this way: . "Every trust is as still as a mouse "A watching of trust-buster Straus "Says lie: IMease skidduo, "I'm right on to you, "And my motto is 'Nix Kum Heraus." Senator Knox got this one: "Dickery, dlckcry, dox, i What's the matter with Knox? "He busted a trust, when told that he must, "JJut lately he's stock on the rocks." t Song About Uncle Joe. They sang a song about Speaker Cannon and his recent maxim am and minimum tariff utterances. This was the chorus: "Oh the North Pole will be melted, and the Nile with ice be belted, And the stars will shine by day and the fish on land will play. When the speaker lets a tariff bill i?o through." During the evening a page en tered the room with cards for va rious people. Capt., Pill McDon ald of the Texas Hangers sent in his card from Senator Foraker Attorney General Had ley of Mis souri inquired eagerly for H. II. Rogers; a note was delivered to Secretary Taft from Justice Brew er asking the Secretary not to com mit himself further on the presi dential proposition, as the justice had been talking to Chief Justice Fuller; Senator Be,veridge was pre sented with s card from Chjjkl La bor .Union No. 23. , in addition to the speech of President Rjosevelt remarks were made by Representative J. Adam Bede of Minnesota, Representa tive !?.'. Uusbman of Washing ton, Gen. Horace Porter, Chief Justice Fitzpattick of Canada, Winston Churchill, J ustice Brew er and Secretary Taft. Feel languid, weak, run-down ? Head ache? Stomach "off"?-? us V a plain case of lazy liver. Burdock Blood Bit ters tones liver and stomach, promotes digestion, purifies the Llnod. MISTRIAL IN MURDER CASE. John Jimerson's Trial for Killing John Burnett So Result. The trial of John Jimerson for the killing of John Burnett, near Troy, on the 25th of last May, which was ia progress here last week, was temporarily ended when the jury re ported Saturday afternoon, after being out thirty hours, that they were unable to agree. The case was reset for trial at the May term of court. The jury stood five for acquittal and seven tor voluntary manslaughter. The shooting grew out of a slan- fcr suit brought by Burnett against Jimerson last April. It ap pears that Burnett was paying at tention to the daughter of Mrs. Reedy, one of his tenants. Miss Reedy rejected him, and Burnett, who was regarded as a very con tentious and dangerous man, vowed that if the girl did not marry him, she should never marry any one else, and ordered Miss Reedy and her mother off the place. They immediately went to Jimerson, who was a neighbor, and asked him to assist them in getting another home. Jimerson went to a neigh bor to endeavor to secure a house for them, and repeated the story and causes that led up to the ejec tion of the Reedys. The story finally reached Burnett, and he in stituted the suit.. Threats were made by Burnett that if Jimcr&ca , did not stop interfering in his busi ness he would put him out of the way. The story of the killing has already appeared in this paper. For-a clear complexion, bright spark ling eye and vigorous digestion, take Prickly Asn Bitters. It puts the gytem in perfect order. Allen Drug Co., S. A. Jail-Breaker Captured. Fulton, Ky., Jan. 26. Albert Moore, who recently broke jail at Clinton, Ivy., has been captured at a saw mill near Hornbeak, Tenn A reward of $25 was offered for his recapture and this will be paid to Deputy Sheriff Walker, of Obion County, who made the arrest. Moore is charged with burglarizing astorcatOakton. The other prison ers who escaped with Moore have not been caught. Cole's Cafe is open day and night. tie never sleeps. INDIA GIVENS BURNED. Large Corn Boat a Complete Lobs at Hickman, Ky. Hickman, Ky., Jan. 27. The la dia Giveas, a large corn boat val ued at $11,000, burned this morning at 3 o'clock to the water's edge then sank. She was landed at the rail road trestle above town. The watchman made a.fire in the fur nace at 2 o'clock and at 3 discover ed the boat to be in flames and it was impossible to save her. Phil lips Brothers were running the boat and buying corn for Shofner-Neil Company of Nashville. Five men on the boat barely escaped, having to jump into- the river irom the end of the boat. Cars on the railroad caught on fire but were extinguish ed. The loss is covered by insur ance. State of Ohio, City ok Toledo, ( Hrnnt J Ch-ney'inakcs on Hi that he is wnior pnrwier of the fjrtn of K J. Cheney flc Co.. (loins tmiiie in the city of Toledn. County find State ntoresnid, and that said firm will pay the utn of (INK HI NURKO Iol,l,ARS for each and every one of catarrh that cannot Ite rured.by the "ie of Hull' Catarrh Cure. FRANK J. CHKXKV. Sworn to before me and ulw.snr:d in my pres ence, thin 6th day of December. A. 1). lxwj. (Seal.) . A. W. '.I.KAHi S, NOTAKV f'1'HI.IC Ha!!' Catarrh Cure is taken liileniallv.nnd act directly on the blood and mat mm urf.'ice of the system. Send for trMiimmsaS' it'-e. V. ) CIIKShV & CO.. Toledo, O. Sold by all drortda't. 7V. Take Hall s Family I'ilU f it Constipation, Paducah Southern Between cah and fiickman. Paducah, Ky., Jan. '25.- Direct connections between Paducah and Hickman by a standard gauge railroad operating either or both electric and steam cars, is assured by the tiling of articles of the Pa ducah Southern Railroad Compa ny in the court house of.McCrack en County this morning. ' . This line described in the articles is between Paducah and Hickman, Ky., viaMayfield, Fulton and Un ion City. The same people have secured rights of way through Brookport, Metropolis, Golconda, Joppa and southern and western Illinois towns to East St. Louis, and within a year promises to have the St. Louis line in operation. The Paducah Southern will be the most direct line between any two' of the points touched. TJie company will handle both freight and passengers. D. A. Archer is the promoter and local people in terested are B. II. Scott, H.H Loving, Ben Weille, Attorney W. A. Martin. The different branch es of railroad are to be built seper ately, but they will all be operat ed in conjunction, radiating from Paducah, Plucky Woman. A plucky woman, and a trusty pistol to day caused a tramp to vamoose from the home of Will Smith, which he had unceremo niously entered. While Mrs. Smith was in the front part of the houso she heard some person en ter the kitchen. Opening the door she was startled to find a big burly ! tramp in the room. The man started towards Mrs. Smith, where upon the latter, with her baby int her arms, fled from the house. Go ing to the homq of Mrs. George Osborne, Mrs. Smith told her story. Without a moment'? hesi tation Mrs. Osborne secured a big pistol and telling Mrs. Smith to follow, proceeded to the latter's home, The intruder was there and Mrs. Osborne promptly cover ed him with her pistol. The man, imploring her not to shoot, start ed for the rear door, but was com manded to halt and stopped ab ruptly. After giving' him some good advice about entering houses uninvited, Mrs. Osborne marched the man out of the house. As the man was departing he was heard to mutter, "wouldn't that jar you ?"Fulton Leader. The Effect of Advertising. There are those who insert a small advertisement in a newspa per for one issue and, Boeing no great increase of business, con clude that it does not pay. They do not understand that persever ance is as necessary in such a case as in any other. News comes from Hamilton, O. that William Duke, affectionately known as ''Uncle Billy,'" has just been married to Mrs. Markham, who was a Lee, of Yirginia,-and a cousin of Robert E.Lee. "Uncle Billy" is seventy five years old and his wife is forty-eight. How did "Uucle Billy", who was a bachelor, secure a wife? - We are told that he did it by ad vertising, and that he bad perse vered in this course for fify-two ears. It is said that he spent ; thousands of dollars in advertising ' and paying the expenses of wom en who came te see him. but all refused 2.114,3 tVCl'tt liieUUHfittf or mused to marrv him. Did "Uncle Billy" get discouraged? Not a bit Of it. He knew the suc cessful advertiser is he who stays, and bis staying power was equal to the demand, lie is at last re warded by seeing his aim. accom plished. Let other advertisers profit by his example. Courier-Journal.