Drs. Turner, Parks h'fagm
Mary Street, Union City
j Drs. Turnsr, Parks & Kuglias
Mary Street, Union City
j Telephone 144.
Tnloii City Commercial, MUblhhel ISM. I rvin-nH,i-til (n,mh i irot
We, i Tenae Courier, eouolulied ljjW. C0Di0UJ,tea Beptembr 1, 1897.
UNION CITY, TENN, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1907.
VOL. 16, NO. 45
PEESIDENT ON GRIDIRON
Nation's Chief Executive Overcome
Washington, Jan. 26. Pres
ident Roosevelt was bo over-
come with merriment at the din
ner of the Gridiron Club Saturday
night that he nearly fell off his
chair. J. P. Morgan and II. II.
Rogers, the victim of a prank, en
joyed most heartily the shout that
went up at their expense.
President Roosevelt, in his of
ficial capacity, has been at dagger
points with the dictator of Wall
street and the oil trust' magnate.
But Saturday night these worthies
and many others, cabinet officers,
diplomats, professional and busi
ness men from all parts of the
United States, met in a spirit of
comraderie that mark the meetings
of this famous dinner club of news
The incident just related occur-
ed during the carrying out of the
principal skit of the evening, ,
which was based on President
Roosevelt's centralization idea.
Thejyear was 1917, and a ceremoni
al session was held of the court of
, "His Gracious and Imperial Maj
esty, Emperor of All the Americas,
Champion of Centralization, King
of Kings and Monarch of the High,
the Middle and the Low." .jT J.
The room was darkenedAn eS
afttv ten strokes on a gong the
i lights came up and "a georgeous
' gold throne was discovered, be
side which stood a herald, who an
nounced the, members of the cburt
as they came in. There were four
officer of the kings privy council,
courtiers, pages and jester, and all
the panoply of a court.
A spirited colloquy was inter
rupted by the entrance of two rag
ged and woebegone men, both of
whom prostrated themselves be
fore the king. One said:
"Be merciful, for I once owned
all the railroads in this land."
The other exclaimed: "An
I controlled the oil productions."
They were identified by a courtier
as II. II. Rogers and J. P. Morgan
This was when the shout of
merriment went up. It was de
tided by the court that inasmuch
as these men had been deprived o
all their profiting they should be
given employment. "Rogers was
billited as "first oiler of of the im
perial special train," and Morgan
was made "official photographer
of the Panama canal," with instruc
tions to get all the steam shovels."
The laugh was long nd furious
at the jesting which followed at
the President's expense between
the king and his courtiers.
Courtier: "Your majesty's am
bassador at the Court of St. James
reports by submarine telephone
that the Rt. Hon. James Bryno
did six feet four irjches in the pole
King: "It is not enough. Sev
en feet orvve woot recieve him.
Wasn't the French ambassador to
be here by this time?" ',
Courtier: "He is in the garden
putting the 12 pound shot."
King: "Inform him that I will
not sign that treaty of alliance un
loss be does better than he did
The skit ended with the recital
of an epilogue and the "Star
Spangled Banner" from the orches
tra. Everybody at the table rose,
chwred and waving napkins at
President Roosevelt, who was im
mediately introduced. Ho made
V" .iiiiit"li - VvhiC.h -. Vt'iVa - rCCt'Hfid
with tremendous enthusiasm. Sec
retaryof War Taft came in for
sume utteulion. Inanimate stat
utes which later became -much
animated, carried on' a cross fire
hv of persona! comment with the
guests as victims:. "
' One of them went this way:
TS OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY IN THE JEWELRY
and Optical business, and we wish to thank our friends and
patrons for their liberal support and patronage during the past
We assure you that we will strive harder and are better pre
pared to give you better service than any jewelers in a town of this
size in the State.
Our new goods will be on display February 1st. We have
new novelties fresh from the factory, and invite your , inspection.
We court comparison on prices with anybody.
We have a fine stock of diamonds on hand, bought a year ago,
that we are offering at last year's prices, despite the fact that they
have advanced 20 per cent.
Satisfaction Guaranteed or Money Refunded" is our motto.
"Ufie Dependable Jewelers and , Opticians
Telephone 89 Union City, Tenn.
'Is Secretary Taft a candidate
for the Presidency?"
"Does he waist to be Chief Jus
tice of the Supreme court?"
"Yes." ' . -
"Does be wact to remain with his
present great work as Secretary of
"Has be a longing to return to
private life?" .
"How do vou know all these
"I read the statement he put
out a few days ago."
Joke on Fairbanks.
They played a good joke on
Vice- President Fairbanks. They
. . it.
sung; " Are you going wick to
Indiana, Fairbanks?" and announc
ed that a reply would be expected
ater. This reminder was given
at intervals throughout the even
ing, but the vice president was
never given the opportunity o get
back at the bovs.
In the- illustrated souvenir
'Who's Who," in the Gridiron
u'ose'and rhyme, appeared this
one at the expense of Mr. lair-
Said our Iloosier-bred, sky-scraping
"My title is one to entice,
"l!ut it does seru to rue
ip u.ui uav i.tr t.i ' i
"That nothing could beguile so nice."
They treated the new cabinet of
ficer this way: .
"Every trust is as still as a mouse
"A watching of trust-buster Straus
"Says lie: IMease skidduo,
"I'm right on to you,
"And my motto is 'Nix Kum Heraus."
Senator Knox got this one:
"Dickery, dlckcry, dox,
i What's the matter with Knox?
"He busted a trust, when told that he
"JJut lately he's stock on the rocks."
t Song About Uncle Joe.
They sang a song about Speaker
Cannon and his recent maxim am
and minimum tariff utterances.
This was the chorus:
"Oh the North Pole will be melted,
and the Nile with ice be belted,
And the stars will shine by day and
the fish on land will play.
When the speaker lets a tariff bill i?o
During the evening a page en
tered the room with cards for va
rious people. Capt., Pill McDon
ald of the Texas Hangers sent in
his card from Senator Foraker
Attorney General Had ley of Mis
souri inquired eagerly for H. II.
Rogers; a note was delivered to
Secretary Taft from Justice Brew
er asking the Secretary not to com
mit himself further on the presi
dential proposition, as the justice
had been talking to Chief Justice
Fuller; Senator Be,veridge was pre
sented with s card from Chjjkl La
bor .Union No. 23. ,
in addition to the speech of
President Rjosevelt remarks were
made by Representative J. Adam
Bede of Minnesota, Representa
tive !?.'. Uusbman of Washing
ton, Gen. Horace Porter, Chief
Justice Fitzpattick of Canada,
Winston Churchill, J ustice Brew
er and Secretary Taft.
Feel languid, weak, run-down ? Head
ache? Stomach "off"?-? us V a plain
case of lazy liver. Burdock Blood Bit
ters tones liver and stomach, promotes
digestion, purifies the Llnod.
MISTRIAL IN MURDER CASE.
John Jimerson's Trial for Killing
John Burnett So Result.
The trial of John Jimerson for
the killing of John Burnett, near
Troy, on the 25th of last May, which
was ia progress here last week, was
temporarily ended when the jury re
ported Saturday afternoon, after
being out thirty hours, that they
were unable to agree. The case
was reset for trial at the May term
of court. The jury stood five for
acquittal and seven tor voluntary
The shooting grew out of a slan-
fcr suit brought by Burnett
against Jimerson last April. It ap
pears that Burnett was paying at
tention to the daughter of Mrs.
Reedy, one of his tenants. Miss
Reedy rejected him, and Burnett,
who was regarded as a very con
tentious and dangerous man, vowed
that if the girl did not marry him,
she should never marry any one
else, and ordered Miss Reedy and
her mother off the place. They
immediately went to Jimerson, who
was a neighbor, and asked him to
assist them in getting another
home. Jimerson went to a neigh
bor to endeavor to secure a house
for them, and repeated the story
and causes that led up to the ejec
tion of the Reedys. The story
finally reached Burnett, and he in
stituted the suit.. Threats were
made by Burnett that if Jimcr&ca ,
did not stop interfering in his busi
ness he would put him out of the
way. The story of the killing has
already appeared in this paper.
For-a clear complexion, bright spark
ling eye and vigorous digestion, take
Prickly Asn Bitters. It puts the
gytem in perfect order. Allen Drug
Co., S. A.
Fulton, Ky., Jan. 26. Albert
Moore, who recently broke jail at
Clinton, Ivy., has been captured at
a saw mill near Hornbeak, Tenn
A reward of $25 was offered for his
recapture and this will be paid to
Deputy Sheriff Walker, of Obion
County, who made the arrest.
Moore is charged with burglarizing
astorcatOakton. The other prison
ers who escaped with Moore have
not been caught.
Cole's Cafe is open day and night.
tie never sleeps.
INDIA GIVENS BURNED.
Large Corn Boat a Complete Lobs at
Hickman, Ky., Jan. 27. The la
dia Giveas, a large corn boat val
ued at $11,000, burned this morning
at 3 o'clock to the water's edge then
sank. She was landed at the rail
road trestle above town. The
watchman made a.fire in the fur
nace at 2 o'clock and at 3 discover
ed the boat to be in flames and it
was impossible to save her. Phil
lips Brothers were running the boat
and buying corn for Shofner-Neil
Company of Nashville. Five men
on the boat barely escaped, having
to jump into- the river irom the end
of the boat. Cars on the railroad
caught on fire but were extinguish
ed. The loss is covered by insur
ance. State of Ohio, City ok Toledo, (
Hrnnt J Ch-ney'inakcs on Hi that he is wnior
pnrwier of the fjrtn of K J. Cheney flc Co.. (loins
tmiiie in the city of Toledn. County find State
ntoresnid, and that said firm will pay the utn of
(INK HI NURKO Iol,l,ARS for each and every
one of catarrh that cannot Ite rured.by the "ie of
Hull' Catarrh Cure. FRANK J. CHKXKV.
Sworn to before me and ulw.snr:d in my pres
ence, thin 6th day of December. A. 1). lxwj.
(Seal.) . A. W. '.I.KAHi S,
Ha!!' Catarrh Cure is taken liileniallv.nnd act
directly on the blood and mat mm urf.'ice of the
system. Send for trMiimmsaS' it'-e.
V. ) CIIKShV & CO.. Toledo, O.
Sold by all drortda't. 7V.
Take Hall s Family I'ilU f it Constipation,
Paducah Southern Between
cah and fiickman.
Paducah, Ky., Jan. '25.- Direct
connections between Paducah and
Hickman by a standard gauge
railroad operating either or both
electric and steam cars, is assured
by the tiling of articles of the Pa
ducah Southern Railroad Compa
ny in the court house of.McCrack
en County this morning. ' .
This line described in the articles
is between Paducah and Hickman,
Ky., viaMayfield, Fulton and Un
ion City. The same people have
secured rights of way through
Brookport, Metropolis, Golconda,
Joppa and southern and western
Illinois towns to East St. Louis,
and within a year promises to have
the St. Louis line in operation.
The Paducah Southern will be
the most direct line between any
two' of the points touched. TJie
company will handle both freight
and passengers. D. A. Archer is
the promoter and local people in
terested are B. II. Scott, H.H
Loving, Ben Weille, Attorney W.
A. Martin. The different branch
es of railroad are to be built seper
ately, but they will all be operat
ed in conjunction, radiating from
A plucky woman, and a trusty
pistol to day caused a tramp to
vamoose from the home of Will
Smith, which he had unceremo
niously entered. While Mrs.
Smith was in the front part of the
houso she heard some person en
ter the kitchen. Opening the door
she was startled to find a big burly !
tramp in the room. The man
started towards Mrs. Smith, where
upon the latter, with her baby int
her arms, fled from the house. Go
ing to the homq of Mrs. George
Osborne, Mrs. Smith told her
story. Without a moment'? hesi
tation Mrs. Osborne secured a big
pistol and telling Mrs. Smith to
follow, proceeded to the latter's
home, The intruder was there
and Mrs. Osborne promptly cover
ed him with her pistol. The man,
imploring her not to shoot, start
ed for the rear door, but was com
manded to halt and stopped ab
ruptly. After giving' him some
good advice about entering houses
uninvited, Mrs. Osborne marched
the man out of the house.
As the man was departing he
was heard to mutter, "wouldn't
that jar you ?"Fulton Leader.
The Effect of Advertising.
There are those who insert a
small advertisement in a newspa
per for one issue and, Boeing no
great increase of business, con
clude that it does not pay. They
do not understand that persever
ance is as necessary in such a case
as in any other.
News comes from Hamilton, O.
that William Duke, affectionately
known as ''Uncle Billy,'" has just
been married to Mrs. Markham,
who was a Lee, of Yirginia,-and a
cousin of Robert E.Lee. "Uncle
Billy" is seventy five years old and
his wife is forty-eight.
How did "Uucle Billy", who
was a bachelor, secure a wife? -
We are told that he did it by ad
vertising, and that he bad perse
vered in this course for fify-two
ears. It is said that he spent ;
thousands of dollars in advertising '
and paying the expenses of wom
en who came te see him. but all
2.114,3 tVCl'tt liieUUHfittf
or mused to marrv him. Did
"Uncle Billy" get discouraged?
Not a bit Of it. He knew the suc
cessful advertiser is he who stays,
and bis staying power was equal
to the demand, lie is at last re
warded by seeing his aim. accom
plished. Let other advertisers
profit by his example. Courier-Journal.
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