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ffiupwin iJ.Lioll 'Ukumhd about Deporting Alien Criminals. SANTA MONICA, CALIF.— Wouldn’t it be lovely if the other states, not to mention the federal government, followed the example set by the gover nor of New York? He commutes the sentences of for eign-born, long-term convicts so they may be eligible for parole—not mind you, to go free and ~ sin some more, but W to be turned over to i the port authorities for immediate de sure that these same criminals wouldn’t come slipping back | rvin s Cobbi in again. The pres ent immigration law was devised as a barrier to protect decent cit izens, both native and naturalized, against the human scum of the old world, but it appears to be more like a sieve if we may judge by the hordes of nondesirable aliens who somehow manage to get in and stay in and even go on relief, some of them. In other words, when we give these unpleasant parties a compli mentary ride back where they come from, let’s make sure it’s not going to be a round trip. * • • Missionaries From China. C'ROM Peiping a group of believ -1 ers in the doctrine of Confucius are sending missionaries to the United States. We’ve been sending out missionaries to their country for centuries, but that Chinamen should dare to try the same thing on us—well, that’s a white horse of a yellow color. What if, not content with seeking converts, these interlopers inculcat ed among us certain phases of their heathenish philosophy, such as teaching young people consideration and respect for their elders; and showing that rushing about in a frenzy does not necessarily indicate business energy; and that the natur al aim of man is not always to worship speed and—up to thirty odd thousands a year—to die by it; and that intolerance as between re ligious creeds isn’t invariably proof of true piety; and that minding one’s own affairs is really quite an admirable trait? Why, native Americans wouldn’t be able to recognize the old home place any more! Such threats against a superior civilization are not to be borne. • • • Vanished Americans. IT’S exciting to prowl among the ruined cities of the first Ameri cans, who scattered into the twi lights of antiquity when the Chris tian era was still young. They were our oldest families, older than even, old Southern families—and who ever heard of a new Southern family or even just a middle-aged Southern family? But afterwards, it’s confusing to read the theories of the expert re searchers who have passed judg ment on those vanished cliff-dwell ing peoples, because few such learned gentlemen agree on any single point. There is one very emi nent authority who invariably in sists that all the rest of the emi ne n t authorities are absolutely wrong about everything. He is the Mr. Justice Mcßeynolds of the ar cheologists. After reading some of the conflict ing literature on this subject, I’ve decided that a true scientist is one who is positive there are no other true scientists. • • * Unemployment Statistics. HP HANKS to bright young bureau crats in Washington, we know how many goldfish are hatched ev ery year and what the gross annual yield of guinea pigs is, and the exact proportion of albinos born in any given period, but it never seemed to occur to anybody to compile reasonably accurate statistics on un employment. Yet, with depression behind us and business up to boom-time levels, it’s estimated that between eight and nine million people are out of work, not counting those on strike, and judging by the papers there must be a couple of million of them. Apparently the more prosperous we grow on the surface, the more de plorable becomes the status of those off the payrolls. It doesn’t make sense. Or anyhow there was a time when it wouldn’t have made sense. This curious situation puts a fel low in mind of the old old story of the chap whose wife had an operation, and, every day when he called at the hospital, he was told the patient showed improvement. One morning, as he came away, weeping, he met a friend. “How’s the wife?” inquired the latter. “She’s dead.” “I’m so sorry,” said the friend. “What did she die of?” “Improvements," said the widow er. IRVIN S. COBB , ©—WWW Snrte. © New York Post.—WNU Service. Sports Nicknames Really a Subject for Deep Scholar L' VERY now and then when one of the more erudite writing masters runs short of rhetorical pearls he glances at the poor folks on the other side of the newspaper railroad tracks. Then he lifts his hands in horror and, when he brings them down on a typewriter, another little gem of a column dealing with sports nicknames is completed. It is a good racket with soft hours and probably I will be labelled as a green-eyed popinjay for bringing up the subject. Yet, for the life of me, I cannot understand why these high clerics of the literary world dispose of this pet sports assign ment with such superficial sneers. For instance, a scholar might spend some hours tracing to its source the nickname of some fa mous baseball player. Where did he get the monicker and why? Is he still called by the name which distinguished him from his fellows in college or sandlot days? Or has he had a progressive series of such titles while developing from farm team to farm team on the way to the big time? After the scholar gets that over with he can be faced with other troubles. More often than not the great athlete may have three nick names—one known only to the art ists who do occasional favors to the world by writing pieces about sports, one by which he is usually referred to when fans or practicing sports writers mention him, one sel dom used except in the family cir cle of his teammates. There was Christy Mathe'wson. “Matty” or “Big Six” are the names by which this great pitcher is most familiarly remembered by those who paid to see him play. That other Bucknell alumnus, Moose McCormick, recalls though that teammates seldom used such a handle. They called him “Gum my.” The name was derived from the fact that when he first entered the majors Mathewson floundered around in the field as if he were wearing gum boots. Similarly there was the name which Mel Ott has outgrown only within the past season or two. In 1927 the very youthful Ott, already a regular outfielder, was warming up near the first-base boxes. “My, my,” exclaimed a lady fan. “Just look at him. Isn’t he the spirit of springtime.” From thenceforth, in the privacy of Giants’ dugout and bridge games, Ott was “Spring time.” How Kiki Cuyler Got His Monicker Occasionally the obvious thought as to the origin of a nickname is not correct or only partly so. Witness Kiki Cuyler. Cuyler came into baseball close to the time when Belasco was achieving success with one of his best remembered pro ductions. So a quick conclusion would be that the Reds* out fielder’s nickname Kiki Cuyler am ? because of his fancied resemblance to the character so well portrayed by Miss Leonore Ulric. Probably the fame of the play is what really did make the name stick to Cuyler throughout all the years. But ac tually the names have little in com mon in way of pronunciation. Cuy ler got his title because when play ing center his two outfield mates used to yell “Cuy” “Cuy” when he was to take the ball. Sometimes an athlete may have two or three private nicknames even while sojourning with his mates. This is particularly true of the Yankees whose most affection ate name for the man variously known as “The Babe,” “The Bam,” and “The Big Feller,” was “Jid gie.” Strangely enough some appropri ate names fade in the big time. Lon Warneke, for instance, still is known as “Country” down in Arkan sas although none of his big city friends would think of calling him that. By the same token baptismal names are not entirely barred in sports. Two of them pop into mind. Mrs. Dean would as soon start another war with Jack Miley as call her Dizzy anything save “Jay.” And at Belmont the other day I heard a veteran friend refer to Pompoon’s trainer, widely acclaimed in the press as “Humpty Dan” Clark as, of all names, “Cyril.” MIDLAND JOURNAL, RISING SUN, MD. NOT IN THE BOX SCORE: 1/ EEP an eye on Keller, the for- mer University of Maryland out fielder now hitting so hard for New ark. High Yankee authorities sus pect the youth will outclass even such bright young men as Di Mag gio and Henrich in another season . . . Also watch Rosar, a swell catcher who may have a bit of arm trouble but who slugs like Dickey; Gordon, the infielder, and Pitcher Donald, a kid who has all the poise of an Alexander out there on the mound. That’s only the pick of the crop from one farm and so you may as well name the Yankees to win the flag in 1939 and 1940, too. Joe Di Maggio hit his first home runs of both the 1936 and 1937 sea sons on the same day of the month, May 10 . . . Young Freddy Ram mer, the former Princeton hockey and baseball star, is giving the Jersey courses such a workout that he might be a good long shot (very long, though) in the amateur golf championship this year . . . Benny Valger, the French Flash who now manages Frankie DeLillo, hasn’t a mark on him to show that he partic ipated in 464 ring battles . . . George Conway, who trains War Ad miral, won the Belmont Futurity with Proctor Knott in 1887. Tip for the Davis Cup daddies— “ There’s a husky seventeen-year old youngster named Bill Cleveland playing on the Exeter tennis team who has all the elements of great ness. Switched from diamond t o court only this spring, too.” . . . The Cubs will travel 15,541 miles this year to appear in their seventy seven away from home National League games . . . Midget Wolgast, former flyweight champion (the lim it for that class is 112 pounds), was announced as weighing 136 pounds when he appeared in Phila delphia recently. Probably distance still averages its best licks while lending enchant ment to the view but ■ sometimes even Shy lock would be em barrassed by the re action to the loan. For instance there was that group of celebrated golf pros gabbing in a locker room the other day. Not one of them agreed with public tradition which Bobby Jones makes Bobby Jones golfdom’s all-time greatest. The records, they said, proved that his game was not as effective over a long period as was that of several other top flight per formers. They were talking merely about men with whom they had matched wood and iron from tee to green. Henry Picard, himself likely to be remembered with the best, is the only one who need be quoted here. He says that, stroke for stroke, Light Horse Harry Cooper is the greatest golfer he has ever seen. In Transit is one of the most appropriately named thoroughbreds. He was foaled on a train while his dam, Peggy Amour, was en route to Montana . . . Jack Coffey, Ford ham’s graduate manager, will tour South America with Mrs. Coffey this summer . . . A1 Politis, former Fordham end, recently was made prosecuting attorney in his New Britain home town . . . Mike Mis kinis, great blond tackle in the Ca vanaugh Ram regime, recently passed the New York state bar. Why don’t the Cards make more use of Outfielder Padgett who looked so good down South? . . . Chicago fans hope the Dodgers* directors get red necked again this year and, in the midst of their ire, send an other such good player as Lonny Frey to the Windy City . . . Could it be true that the short Preakness price of War Admiral was largely due to SIOO,OOO worth of comeback money being dumped into the ma chines by that New Jersey bookie syndicate? A. Gordon (Dean) Murray calls attention to something that most Ivy Leaguers, whose memories go back almost fifty years, could scarcely have noted last winter. That was the death of Charlie Dana, one of the first college ball players to have big time clubs begging him to sign. Dana, still recalled as the greatest of all Princeton first base men, performed in the early 1890 s. He was the Tiger batter who gave a great Yale pitcher named Amos Alonzo Stagg more headaches than ever came later from years of coaching Chicago’s football teams. Tom Henrich, the boy who carries one of the biggest Yankee bats, made his first appearance as a Yankee in a batboy’s uniform. That was during an exhibition game at West Point, just before the start of the season. Henrich had joined the club on such short notice that there was no time to fit him to a uniform. So they stripped the bat boy, made a quick exhange of cos tume, and sent the stocky little Tom into action. Jake Flowers, the old Cardinal and Dodger infielder, is writing scenarios in Hollywood . . . Every member of the Athletics’ squad, ex cept Earl Mack and Lena Black bume, coaches, addresses Connie Mack as Mr. Mack. . . . Earl calls him Dad and Blackburne Boss. . . . Second Baseman Tony Lazzeri has teamed with three shortstops, Mark Koenig, Lyn Lary, and Frank Cro setti, since joining the Yankees in 1926, and all have been fellow Cali fornians . . . Matty Bell, head foot ball coach at Southern Methodist university, claims that the best high school football is played in Texas. ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ f STAR j | DUST | J jMLovie • Radio 4 ★ ★ ★★★By VIRGINIA VALE★★★ JOAN BENNETT is so home sick for the stage that she has signed up to work with a Cape Cod stock company this summer for a few weeks. Some of the motion picture producers who have planned busy sum mers for their players wish that she wasn’t quite so thrilled at the prospect. Her infectious enthusiasm has sent half of Hollywood scurrying to their bosses to ask if they can’t have leave of absence too. Bette Davis wants to go, but Warners have big plans for her. Josephine Hutchinson wants her annual fling on the stage. And Joan Crawford and Franchot Tone are acting mighty mysterious, reading plays and time tables. Add one more picture to the cur rent list of those you simply have to see. Metro-Goldwyn- Mayer’s “Captains Courageous” is one of the finest pictures Mp J, 9 of all time. There IJ9 isn’t a woman in the 'Mr cast * but even the Itjiltji young girls who f : think any picture tV. 1 without torrid love jto ■ scenes is a washout, confess that they never even miss the Freddie romantic angle in Bartholomew this one. It is a story of the Gloucester fishing fleet in which Spencer Tracy and young Freddie Bartholomew do the finest acting of their careers. Indeed, it is the first picture in which young Bartholomew has had a chance to show that he is not just a sweet and handsome lad with pa thetic eyes. He is a grand actor. As soon as Ernst Lubitsch finishes directing Marlene Dietrich and Her bert Marshall in “Angel” he is go ing to turn actor for a few days. Long ago when he was an actor in Germany, his great ambition was to play Napoleon, and just now it happens that Cecil De Milie is searching the highways and byways for a man to play Napoleon in “Buc caneer.” Lubitsch got into costume and make-up, presented himself to De Milie, and was hired at once. —*— Executives at the Twentieth Cen tury Fo?: studio are disappointed that the public hasn’t made more of a fuss over Simone Simon, so they are going to put her in a comedy and see if she goes over better. They are teaming her with Jack Haley, who made such a hit in "Wake Up and Live,” in a fast-moving comedy called “Love at Work.” —•*— Motion picture studio officials al ways change the subject when any one asks if their stars really sing or if some singer substitutes for them, but radio listeners can rec ognize their favorite voices under any circumstances. They insist that Buddy Clark of the Hit Parade did Jack Haley’s singing, that Virginia Verrill sang for both Jean Harlow and Virginia Bruce, and that in “The Great Barnum” it was Fran cia White who sang for Miss Bruce. Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., has de cided that he likes the United States better, after all. While he was in England, he realized his ambition to become a producer, and felt so grateful to the countrymen who backed him that he thought he would live there always. Coming back to Hollywood to make just one picture, “The Prisoner of Zenda,” he found when it was finished and he was free to go back to England that he just couldn’t bear to leave all his childhood friends. Warner Brothers have arranged to borrow Miriam Hopkins for two pictures and it looks as if it would keep V the entire studio busy for weeks find ing stories to which she won’t raise a violent objection. Scheduled to appear | with Errol Flynn in 9 TEjjfcOH “The Perfect Speci- 9$ men,” she flatly re- J&A fused. Instead she will make a tearful little romance called Miriam “Episode” supported Hopkins by lan Hunter and Charles Winninger. After that, War ners would like to have her in “Sis ters” with Kay Francis. ODDS AND ENDS ... Joe Penner doesn’t mention ducks even onei in “ Neu> Faces," which is being filmed by R-K -O, and furthermore he appears in black face for the first time . . . Ken Murray always dresses more conservatively when he shows up for a broadcast, but around home he goes in for the dizziest colored smoking jackets and lounging robes . . . Motion picture producers are wildly enthusiastic over the intimate, caressing voice of Rosa lind Greene who announces Mrs. Roose velts radio program, and since they have heard that she is young and extraordi narily beautiful they are rushing to her with contracts for pictures. • WiiUm Ntwipaper Union. Correct Vacation Toggery VACATIONING they will go— Vera, Mom and Flo. And they will enjoy themselves the more because their wardrobes after Sew-Your-Own are just exactly right. Mother in this model will be mistaken for daughter many a time because her design and dots are so very youthful. She will have various frocks in various materials developed on this theme, and in one of them, at least, the dots will be red. Dates for Dancing. Vera, to the right, has a date for dancing and when her escort admiringly effuses some such non sense as, “That gown must have come on the last boat from Paris” she will toss her dark head and say, “No foreign frocks for me. I Sew-My-Own.” Her dress of soft flowered material with demure braid at the neck and hem al most makes a sweet old-fashioned girl of her, but the tailored collar and trim cut label her the sophis ticated young thing that she really is. Only a snappy sophomore can fully appreciate just how smart are those buttons down the back of the model to the left. Her yoke and neckline are “Oh, so new, my deah”; her plaid as British as she would like her accent to be. Best of good vacation wishes to the three of them from Sew- Your-Own. Pattern 1297 is designed in sizes 14 to 20 (32 to 42 bust). Size 16 Endangered Man High Finance Man is never watchful enough It is better to give than to lend, against dangers that threaten him and it costs about the same.—Sir every hour.—Horace. Philip Gibbs. BARI-CIDE Kill* "■ so Does Not Contain Chewing Insects rv~"|H Lead, Arsenic or Fluorine such as the | Mexican Bean Beetle I J Harmless to Bean Foliage Cucumber Beetle —I or that of other Crops Potato Beetle MB on which we recommend ml Sold by Reliable Dealers LIFE’S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher \ o~* I (^l^_ // '~c~ T A MENte Lps s C' C' “Sore, they lit me fine . . . hat they’re s little tight lor my brother on the night shift.’' requires Vfe yards of 35-inch ma terial plus % yard contrasting. Pattern 1998 is designed in sizes 34 to 46. Size 36 requires 4% yards of 35-inch material. With long sleeves 4 7 /e yards of 35 Inch material is required. . i t, . . Pattern 1307 is designed in sizes 12 to 20 (30 to 40 bust). Size 16 requires 3% yards of 39-inch ma terial. For trimming 7V6 yards of braid or ribbon is required. Send your order to The Sewing Circle Pattern Dept., 247 W. Forty-third street, New York, N. Y. Price of patterns, 15 cents (in coins) each. © Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service. lORWI' 9 / 5* \ GLASSES , AT GROCERS *hoW*! ETfIHSQHTtQ In avary tin and width. Pe*hion Booklet, picture* of stars STUART* BROOKS -"MfHB. j 35 EAST 14th STREET NR. FIFTH AVE. N. Y. C.