The midland journal., August 18, 1944, Image 2

About The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
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CORRECT!
Teacher—What’B an island?
Smarty—A'piece of land entirely
surrounded by water except in one
place.
Teacher—Why the one place?
Smarty—Thhfs on the top!
No Bargain
Lawyer—The cheapest you can
get a divorce is about SSO, which
covers court costs.
Rastus—ln dat case, Ah guess Ah
don’t want no devorce. Dere ain’t
SSO difference ’tween dem two wim
men!
M All Depends
Brown —I read in the paper where
singing warms the blood.
Blua—l can understand that. I’ve
often heard singing that made my
blood boil!
Not Guilty
A man was being tried for steal
ing a pig, and a conscientious wit
ness, to whom the accused was said
to have confided, was being exam
ined.
“Can you repeat the exact words
in which the prisoner confessed to
taking the pig?’’ asked the prose
cuting attorney.
“He said, sir, he took the pig."
The judge tried to simplify the
question: “Did the accused say, *He
took the pig,’ or T took the pig’?”
“Oh, your honor, he said he took
it. Your honor’s name wasn’t even
mentioned."
Say It Again
Nit—See those two dogs across
the street? Do you know that the
smaller one is the bigger one?
Wit—You don’t mean that! You
mean that the younger one is the
older one.
Double Talk
Jack and his wife laughed and
laughed when I took them to dinner
the other night and talked to the
waiter in French. They didn’t know
I told the waiter to give Jack the
check!
MIDLAND JOURNAL, RISING SUN, MD.
JUST A BLOWHARD ;
Jimmy—l’ve got a swell position
on the team. I’m chief of the air
force.
Johnny—What do you do?
Jimmy—l blow up all the basket
balls!
Say It Again
Jerry—You know I’m not preju
diced at all.
Harry—No, you’re just like me—
perfectly open and unbiased and
willing to listen to anything, even
though you’re convinced it’s rub
bish!
With No Mortgage!
Harry—What did your girl say
when you asked her to share your
lot?
Jerry—She asked me if I had a
house on itl
ELMER ON SUMMER
REBORT CEILINGS
OPA Is investigating overcharging
at summer amusement resorts, fol
lowing complaints of exorbitant
prices for hotdogs, soda pop, salami
sandwiches, etc. This column is not
in sympathy. Pleasure seekers at
amusement resorts eat too much.
Nothing they stuff themselves with
is necessary.
We think the dollar hotdog would
be a good thing, with an extra two
bits for mustard. It is responsible
for much of the irritability found at
summer resorts.
But Elmer Twitchell is for ceil
ings on many other items at the sum
mer playgrounds of America. He
wants the OPA to put a limit on
what can be charged for picture
gallery photographs, bathing houses,
sideshow freaks and fortune tellers.
"I demand OPA protection at the
picture galleries,” he snapped to
day. “They are getting twice as
much for a snapshot of me leaning
against a fake cabin cruiser as in
prewar days and I’m using the same
face. When I squawk to the photog
rapher what does he say? He says
photography has gone to war! He
tells me camera parts are hard to
get, that all the best assistants are
in Normandy and that the artist
who painted the backdrop gets SO
per cent more than last year for
the same waves, wfaltecaps and
rocks.”
Elmer was in a temper. "And
take the bathhouses. They sock me
more than ever for a locker, suit
and towel, and when I kick all they
say is, ‘Don’t you know there’s a
war on?’
“There should be ceilings on for
tune tellers, too. I paid SO cents
more for my fortune this summer
than last summer. I insist that the
shortage of tea leaves is bogus and
that gypsies have to pay more for
earrings and hair grease.
*
“They’ve upped the admission
price to see the Two-Headed Boy.
Why? Well, they claim there is a
shortage of two-headed boys due to
the war, but I am yet to see one in
the army or in a war plant.
*
“The Fat Lady is getting Wore
money, and I can see some justice in
that. It must cost her more to keep
fat, but there is one amusement re
sort feature that should be punished
by OPA at once.”
“Who is that?” we asked.
"The lady sword swallower,” said
Mr. Twitchell.
“I paid 10 per cent more to get
into the tent to see her and a flame
eater. About the flame eater I’m not
sure. Maybe flames are harder to
get. But I denounce the alibi of the
sword swallower as wholly without
foundation.”
“What alibi is that?” we asked.
“He had the nerve to tell me that
swords are being rationed,” con
cluded Elmer.
• • •
DIFFICULT
If voters take to rhyming,
It will not be so hot:
There is no rhyme for Roosevelt,
But Dewey’s on the spot.
—Eta Beta
A powerful plane is said to be
waiting at all times to take Hitler
out of the country, but he doesn’t
know where he can go. Plenty of
people can tell him.
*
Thumbnail Description
He was the kind of man who could
make one pat of butter cover three
waffles.
. •
The Russians are moving so fast
they must have a motorcycle escort.
*
Imaginary plea of the Nazi mili
tary chiefs to the Russians, “Could
we see that again, in slow motion?”
The Pullman company says the
present sleeping car is to be a thing
of the past before many years. No
more will be manufactured. This is
going to be a terrific blow to the lad
der and net industries.
The new sleeping car will not have
the double berths down both sides
of the car, with aisle in the center. It
will be a car of roomettes, each
with running water, etc. It has al
ways puzzled us that the conven
tional sleeping-car could have sur
vived so many years, but we shall
regret its complete disappearance.
We used to take a sleeper once in a
•trhile just to see if we had anything
left physically.
• • •
Can Ton Remember—
Away back when nobody ever
complained of the high cost of a
glass of beer?
When a Japanese reference to
Zeroes meant planes instead of war
chiefs?
And when you could talk about
governmental thrift and hold any
body’s interest?
• • •
“I am going to write an essay en
titled ‘Don’t change barrels going
over Niagara Falls.’ ” —George Dix
on in the New York Mirror.
” IMPROVEDuu jimms
UNIFORM INTERNATIONAL
SUNDAY I
chool Lesson
By HAROLD L. LUNDOUIST. D. D.
Of The Moody Bible Inetltute of Chicago.
Released by Western Newspaper Union.
Lesson for August 20
Lesson subject, and Scripture texts se
lected and copyrighted by International
Council of Religious Education; used by
permission.
THE PROPHET IN THE LIFE OF
ISRAEL
LESSON TEXT—I Samuel 8:19-21; 7:8-1*.
GOLDEN TEXT—He that hath my word,
let him speak my word faithfully.—Jeremiah
23:28.
Remarkably up-to-date is the
helpful guidance found in this les
son. When our nation finds itself
facing those other nations which
would destroy our Christian faith,
and we know that we need the key
both to a true victory and a satisfac
tory peace, the message of this
scripture comes with fine helpful
ness.
The prophet Samuel (who was
also priest and judge) served God
in ruling his people at a time when
they were under the hard heel of
the Philistines. The way out of op
pression was revealed in God’s
Word, which brought revival and
deliverance—which was not forgot
ten in the day of triumph.
I. God’s Word Declared (3:19-21).
While a prophet had the ministry
of foretelling, his chief work was
forth-telling. He told of the future,
but his larger ministry was to de
clare the message of God. As Sam
uel did this in faithful devotion to
the Lord, there was the immediate
blessing of God which established
the prophet throughout the whole
land.
Those who are timid about "limit
ing” their ministry (imagine that!)
to the Bible should learn of Samuel
that it is the only really effective
message. God will not “let you
down” if you teach and preach His
Word. He let none of Samuel’s
“words fall to the ground” (v. 19)
and He will not desert us as we
give forth His truth.
Note that the Lord Himself came
to strengthen and encourage Samuel
(v. 21). He is just as gracious to
His servants today. He comes to
them in that blessed strengthening
fellowship which stirs their hearts
and fires them anew with holy de
termination.
n. Man’s Heart Revived (7:3-6).
The response of the people to
Samuel’s message was whole
hearted. They were sick of their sin
and idolatry. They proved the
reality of their repentance by put
ting away their heathen -gods.
Such repentance and appropriate
action is a prerequisite to spiritual
revival. God cannot give us His
blessing if we hold on to our sin
and idolatry.
Note how the revival expressed it
self. They gathered together and
prayed (w. 5,6). Spiritual life
thrives on the gathering together of
God’s people. The crisis in Israel
was met by a convocation of the
people. We need to revive the great
soul-stirring religious gatherings of
a generation ago. Go yourself, and
encourage others to go. Let the fire
of God bum, and let those who meet
scatter far and wide as brands
which will light hew fires.
“I will pray,” said Samuel. He
was a great intercessor (I. Sam.
15:11, Ps. 99:6; Jer. 15:1). Revival
starts in the faithful intercession of
a burdened heart. Should we not
ask ourselves, “Have I really
prayed for revival in my church,
my city, and my country?”
111. A Nation Delivered (7:7-11).
“Cry unto God ... he will save
j us,” was the word of Samuel. They
: cried, and He did! “The Lord thun
dered with a great thunder,” and
discomfited the enemies of Israel.
In these days of warfare we might
well cry out, “Lord, do it again,”
1 thunder upon our enemies and de
feat them in such away that they
and we shall see that it was the hand
: of God and not of men! (See Ps.
20:7.)
That is one thing for which we
■ might well pray, for “behold, the
[ Lord’s hand is not shortened, that
it cannot save; neither his ear
heavy, that it cannot hear” (Isa.
* 59:1).
> Seeing Israel at prayer, the enemy
* took advantage of them and at
> tacked. In the previous battle at this
’ very spot (see last Sunday’s les
son) Israel had been defeated be
cause they had fought with the
! weapons of man. Now, with God’s
3 weapons of prayer and faith, they
1 had glorious victory.
1 IV. God’s Mercy Remembered
* (7:12).
Samuel raised a stone of remem
: brance, to remind Israel in the
1 years to come that the Lord had
* been their help. A defeated, dis
* heartened, sinful people had turned
* to God in repentance and faith, and
God had given them victory. They
must never forget His mercy.
One of the great concerns of think
r ing men in our day is the fear that
* victory may come to us before we
are spiritually and morally ready
o to receive it. If it does, we shall
r see a mad rush into excesses of all
kinds, a bold glorying in our own
t ability and power, and even greater
forgetfulness of God.
What America needs now is a deep
going spiritual revival which will
both prepare us for a God-given
g victory, and for the peace which is
:- to follow.
Practical Slip Cover
Ideas for Your Use
SLIP covers for bed ends —for the
backs and arms of chairs and
sofas—for table tops and chairs!
Other practical slip cover ideas
are in these directions.
• * •
Practical slip covers that save fabric.
Instructions 796 contain step-by-step direc
tions, all Information to make these slip
covers.
Due to an unusually large demand and
current war conditions, slightly more time
is required In Ailing orders for a few of
the most popular pattern numbers.
Send your order to:
Sewing Circle Needlecraft Dept.
(2 Eighth Ave. New York
Enclose 15 cents (plus one cent to
cover cost of mailing) for Pattern j
No—
Name
Address
aspaf with its heat rash misery.
K RjJfA I Sprinkle on Mexsana, the
TH i soothing, medicated pow-
IJE AT der. Coßts little, and you
II Cnl save lota in larger ana
Buy War Savings Bonds
Those with taooed-<lrrk skin.
externally eaosed, who want it i
lighter, smoother, softer, should
try Or. PRIO Palmers Skfa M
Whltener. Use 7 days as directed. ><. J
If not satisfled MONEY BACK. WApf l1 W*,/J
25e at druggists. FREE Sample.
Send Se postage to GALENOL,
Dept. 8, Box 264, Atlanta, Ga.
Dr.Frtd Palmer’s Skin Whitener
A Dab a Day
keeps
away!
(*(/mforarm Perspiration Odor)
YODORI
DEODORMIT GRERIIK
—lsn’t stiff or stickyl Soft—it
spreads like face cream.
—is actually soothing! Use right
after shaving—will not irritate.
—has light,pleasant seent.No sickly
smell to cling to Angers or clothing.
—will not spoil delicate fabrics.
Vet tests in the tropics—made by nurses
—provw that Yodors protects under try
ing conditions, fi fobs. nr fart, 10c, 25c, 10c
AfcffeuoaA Bobbing toe. Bridgeport, Cons.
Ts refieve distress of MONTHLY ■>
Female Weakness
(Mm Fine Stomachic Tonic)
Lydia E. Plnkham’s Vegetable Com
pound la famous to relieve periodic
pain and accompanying nervous,
weak, tlred-out feelings—when due
to functional monthly disturbances.
Taken regularly—Plnkham’s Com
pound helps build up resistance
against such annoying symptoms
Plnkham’s Compound Is made
especially for women—lt helps na
ture and that’s the kind of medicine
to buy! Follow label directions.
JLVDIA E. PINKHfIM’S SSpoum
Help Them Cleanse the Blood
of Harmful Body Waste
Tow kidney, are constantly filtering
waste nutter from tho bloodstream. Bat
kidneys sometimes lag in their work—do
not set as Nature intended—fall to re
move Impurities that, if retained, may
poison tho system and upset tho whole
body machinery.
Symptoms may be nagging backmch*
persistent headache, attacks ot diriineaa.
getting up nights, .welling, puffineae
under the eyes—a feeling of norrons
anxiety and lorn of pop and strength.
Other sign, of kidney or bladder dis
order are sometimes burning, scanty or
too frequent urination.
Thera should be no doubt that prompt
treatment la wiser than neglect. Use
Doan's Pills. Dean'* have been winning
new (Heads for more than forty years.
They have a nation-wide reputation.
Are recommended by grateful peopla tho
oountry over. Ask your neighbor!