Newspaper Page Text
Two chorus girls were having tea together. “Do you know,’’ said one, “when the manager asked me my age, I couldn’t for the life of me re member whether I was 20 or 21.” “What did you say?” “Oh, I split the difference and said 19." Task for All Returning from hit day’s toil to his happy little home, father greeted his family. “What have you all been doing today?” he asked. “I washed the dinner things ” said Ann, proudly. “And I wiped them!” announced Sheila, just as proudly. Fother turned to his only son. “And you. John?” “I picked up the pieces.” Mutual Feeling An actress who was about to be married was receiving the con gratulations of her friends. One said to the radiant bride to-be. “I hope you are going to be very happy, dear.” “Of course,” she replied. “Ralph simply adores me, and so do I.” Tact Is the ability to make your guests feel at home when you wish they were. i Most Likely Teacher—Who said “Two heads are better than one”? Jasper—l think it was a hat manufacturer. What a Mess The officer of the day stopped a mess orderly who was carrying a kettle out of the kitchen. Said the officer: “Give me a taste of that.” The orderly obediently handed the officer a ladleful and he tasted the contents. “What!” he roared. “Do you call that soup?” “No, sir,” replied the orderly. “That’s dishwater.” AT FIRST -m lion OF A StW. 9 Q ' us *666 Cold Preparations at directed Bare you II TO WRS/'GWIA # 1 Low-Spirited Moocw And Fatigue Are Often Symptom* Of Constipation I For constipation take Nature’s Remedy (NR Tablets). Contains ns chemicals, no minerals, nophenol de rivatives. NR Tablets are different —act different. Purely vegetable— a combination of 10 vegetable in gredients formulated over 50 year* ago. Uncoated or candy coated, their action is dependable, thorough, yet gentle. Get a Convincer Bos. Caution: Take only as directed. NR TO-NIGHT > TOMORROW ALRIGHT ALL-VEGETABLE LAXATIVE j^?TABLETS-iIM (ONE WORD SUGGESTION) FOR ACID INDIGESTION— ffH Strategically located right In the heart of the city's busi ness, shopping and entertain ment district. 700 rooms, each with radio, bath or shower. Service and food as faultless as wartime conditions will permit. Reservations well in advance will enable us to pre pare for you — consequently, to serve you better. I • OUR COMIC SECTION • I I PETER 11 W~Z I ~ I PEEVE \ \M 4$ jfjio (na/MiCH EVERWTHE v H Big I 71 MO I ■7. J ?" PYOU DIDN'T turn W? OUT FOR- THE J*7 hohae guakd O parade mmm i v j I-AND I SAW YES 1 I WAS GOING FOR. - ! VW INTHE M THE POGTOR | J. Millar Waft C ' '' ' J SkT KATE SAID THESE' HATS T f TH'GAL KNOWS o ARE GO IMG TO BE THE V WHAT SHE!? O El UPLIFT IN THE rp business J 1 •SCHOOL DAZE Teacher—What does M. D. stand for after a doctor’s name? Bright Girl—Money down! Motherly Advice Daughter—l met the best-looking young officer at the dance, and he told me I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Mother—Now, my dear, don’t trust any man who deceives you at the very first meeting! " " / In the Army Now Corporal—This unit certainly has a humorous cook. Sergeant—Why do you say that? Corporal—Everything he prepares has a funny taste. i MIDLAND JOURNAL, RISING SUN, MD. All in the Wash Myron—My lauhdry has been sending back my shorts with differ ent buttons on them. Byron—You don’t know how lucky you are. My laundry sends back my buttons with different shorts sewed on them. Hardhearted Corporal Smith—Can I ask you for a dollar until tomorrow? Sergeant Jones—You can ask me until the day after tomorrow, and still not get it I Safe Deposit Mrs. Smith—l have hidden all my savings in the mattress. Mrs. Brown—Why did you do that? Mrs. Smith—l want them where I can fall back on them. Wonder Worker Lyra—Did you hear about my mir acle? Myra—No, what was it? Lyra—l swallowed a dime, and the doctor made me cough up two dol lars. SPEAKING OF GEMS : Daughter—Daddy, dear, what is * your birthstone? I Father (forcefully)—l think it must be the grindstone. Doggone r Hi—The Vet had to sew up my dog after his fight with the Great ) Dane. Si—ls he okay now? [ Hi—Sure. A stitch in time saves canine 1 Youthful Slanguage He—What have you got for des sert tonight? She—l made you some police -5 man’s biscuits. - He—What on earth are they? She—Cop cakes! News/lx BehindlH. ■THEt'NwiHj by PaulMallon^^ Relented by Weetern Newepeper Union. NEW MORAL ORDER MUST BE PROMOTED WASHINGTON. Excerpts from a recent talk of mine, “The Revo lution in Values:” Ours Is a capitalistic system which depends for its strength and power upon soundness not only in finance, taxation, prices and such economic matters, but also political soundness built upon the confidence of its people. Jn red ink, we must write on our books the burden of the greatest debt of history, eventually to be 300 billions of dollars. We must serv ice and pay this debt, carry it as our war burden, for we financed this war, not only our part of it, but that of everyone else, including Russia to some extent. But Rus sia will have no such burden. She has for herself destroyed our con cept of financial values. At the heart core of this war Is the revolution in values which started long before the war and will continue long after. I have spoken only of the corruption of financial values, or one phase of them which destroyed the moral ity of money. This war indeed is only a super ficial phase of the revolution in all values, the decline of morality in politics, international diplomacy, education and, indeed, the individ ual lives of men. Consider politics. The promised word no longer has popular value. You seldom hear the word “honor” any more. It is considered Victorian to be honorable. The people have come to accept the doctrine of immediacy, of doing what sounds best at a given mo ment. They scorn traditional values as restraints and inhibitions. They themselves are no more tied to soundness than the money of the world. Repudiations Are General. Take international diplomacy. Re pudiations of treaties before ink is dry represents the same departure from soundness in values, as that of the political leader from the promised word, and that of money from the shadow of substance. The doctrine of immediacy is what guides nations. Their own desires of the moment rule their conduct and make the world. In education there has been the same corruption of realistic values which we have noted in money, poli tics and international relations—the doctrine that children should be raised also according to their own desires. Education is to be a sight seeing affair. They even taught the philosophy of following desire in sex, which hardly seemed to me a matter to require teaching. There is no phase of existence which has not been touched by the revolution in values, the erection of ideals of immediacy. In the end, all the world must come back to values. But is it to come back to the realization of soundness only after thoroughly ex ploring and suffering the collapse of the fabulous foolishness of imme diate desire as a guide to life? Will we have to go completely through the revolution to the bottom and let each man know the falsity of these indulgent fictions before all can grasp the solid fact and truth? Or will the resurgence of reason founded upon the experience of the war catch definite hold now and lead our people on to realism and com mon sense? I do not know. My judgment is , that revolutions generally run the course of extremity before they settle down into sense. First, there must arise a powerful leadership for good before there can be good. Above all, no matter what the im mediate future course, there must be no compromise of ideals. Those who know the true values of life also know that one day these will be restored to popular acceptance. Stand Steadfast. Therefore, it is the duty of those who believe in soundness to stand steadfast in this wandering, drifting condition. It is their duty to nurture the light in darkness for the future time when it will again lighten the fires in every home and bring warming comfort to future people. Of the realization of simple sub stances must sound knowledge and sound value eventually come. Money will be worth only what cir cumstance or some future authority declares it to be worth. Our inter national safety will be only such as our ingenuity and constant alert ness can prescribe. There is no safety in numbers, even in modem weapons, because these become obsolete overnight. Planes in which we trusted at the outset of this war can hardly be used as trainers today. Time is fast. So is obsolescence. By such considerations should values be truly measured, not in the high talk you hear so frequently to day in the search for artifices, magic formulas, economic contriv ances and devices to bring us all ease, luxury, heaven on earth, but which are only cheating our reason of the lesson of arithmetic. Beautify Chair With Newest in Crochet EVERYONE will want to follow suit when they see your chairs beautified with this lovely pineap ple - crochet basket filled with daisies. • • • Daisy medallions—easy to memorize— All this simple crocheted basket In the lovely pineapple design. Pattern 7408 has Instructions, stitches. Due to an unusually large demand and current war conditions, slightly more time Is required In filling orders for a few of the most popular pattern numbers. Send your order to: Sewing Circle Needlecraft Dept. 82 Eighth Ave. New York Enclose 18 cents for Pattern No Name Address ; really soothing because j they're really j • / I (4^)'COUGH j LOZENGES j e • ; Millions use F & F Lozenges to ! I give their throat als minute sooth- ! J ing, comforting treatment that ! J reaches all the way down. For ! I coughs, throat irritations or hoarse- ! nrasresulting from coldsorsmoking, 1 j soothe with FSt F. Box, only 10& j £• Next Time in Baltimore MAKE IT HOTEL MT. ROYAL PERFECT HOTEL SERVICE • Homelike Atmosphere Rates begin at $2.00 per day You Can Aluo Enjoy MUSIC DANCING FAMOUS ALGERIAN ROOM NEAP RAILROAD STATIONS MT. ROYAL AVENUE AT CALVERT ST. STOCK OWNERS’STAND-BYI Smart stockmen have relied for years on soothing, effective Dr. Porter’s Antiseptic CHI. It’s soothing ... tends to promote natural healing processes. Keep ' It on hard always for emer gency use for minor cuts, burns, saddle galls, bruises, flesh wounds, and use only as directed. Ask your veterinarian about it . . . your druggist has it.