Two chorus girls were having
“Do you know,’’ said one, “when
the manager asked me my age,
I couldn’t for the life of me re
member whether I was 20 or 21.”
“What did you say?”
“Oh, I split the difference and
Task for All
Returning from hit day’s toil to his
happy little home, father greeted his
family. “What have you all been doing
today?” he asked.
“I washed the dinner things ” said
“And I wiped them!” announced
Sheila, just as proudly.
Fother turned to his only son.
“And you. John?”
“I picked up the pieces.”
An actress who was about to be
married was receiving the con
gratulations of her friends.
One said to the radiant bride
to-be. “I hope you are going to be
very happy, dear.”
“Of course,” she replied.
“Ralph simply adores me, and so
Tact Is the ability to make your
guests feel at home when you wish
Teacher—Who said “Two heads
are better than one”?
Jasper—l think it was a hat
What a Mess
The officer of the day stopped a
mess orderly who was carrying a
kettle out of the kitchen. Said
the officer: “Give me a taste of
The orderly obediently handed
the officer a ladleful and he tasted
“What!” he roared. “Do you
call that soup?”
“No, sir,” replied the orderly.
AT FIRST -m
lion OF A StW. 9 Q
' us *666
Cold Preparations at directed
II TO WRS/'GWIA # 1
And Fatigue Are Often Symptom*
Of Constipation I
For constipation take Nature’s
Remedy (NR Tablets). Contains ns
chemicals, no minerals, nophenol de
rivatives. NR Tablets are different
—act different. Purely vegetable—
a combination of 10 vegetable in
gredients formulated over 50 year*
ago. Uncoated or candy coated, their
action is dependable, thorough, yet
gentle. Get a Convincer Bos.
Caution: Take only as directed.
NR TO-NIGHT > TOMORROW ALRIGHT
(ONE WORD SUGGESTION)
FOR ACID INDIGESTION—
Strategically located right In
the heart of the city's busi
ness, shopping and entertain
ment district. 700 rooms, each
with radio, bath or shower.
Service and food as faultless
as wartime conditions will
permit. Reservations well in
advance will enable us to pre
pare for you — consequently,
to serve you better.
I • OUR COMIC SECTION • I
I PETER 11 W~Z I ~ I
PEEVE \ \M 4$ jfjio
(na/MiCH EVERWTHE v
I 71 MO I
■7. J ?"
PYOU DIDN'T turn W?
OUT FOR- THE J*7
O parade mmm i v j
I-AND I SAW YES 1 I WAS GOING FOR. - !
VW INTHE M THE POGTOR |
J. Millar Waft
C ' '' '
J SkT KATE SAID THESE' HATS T f TH'GAL KNOWS
o ARE GO IMG TO BE THE V WHAT SHE!?
O El UPLIFT IN THE
rp business J 1
Teacher—What does M. D. stand
for after a doctor’s name?
Bright Girl—Money down!
Daughter—l met the best-looking
young officer at the dance, and he
told me I was the prettiest girl he
had ever seen.
Mother—Now, my dear, don’t trust
any man who deceives you at the
very first meeting!
" " /
In the Army Now
Corporal—This unit certainly has
a humorous cook.
Sergeant—Why do you say that?
Corporal—Everything he prepares
has a funny taste.
MIDLAND JOURNAL, RISING SUN, MD.
All in the Wash
Myron—My lauhdry has been
sending back my shorts with differ
ent buttons on them.
Byron—You don’t know how lucky
you are. My laundry sends back my
buttons with different shorts sewed
Corporal Smith—Can I ask you for
a dollar until tomorrow?
Sergeant Jones—You can ask me
until the day after tomorrow, and
still not get it I
Mrs. Smith—l have hidden all my
savings in the mattress.
Mrs. Brown—Why did you do
Mrs. Smith—l want them where I
can fall back on them.
Lyra—Did you hear about my mir
Myra—No, what was it?
Lyra—l swallowed a dime, and the
doctor made me cough up two dol
SPEAKING OF GEMS
Daughter—Daddy, dear, what is
* your birthstone?
I Father (forcefully)—l think it
must be the grindstone.
r Hi—The Vet had to sew up my
dog after his fight with the Great
Si—ls he okay now?
[ Hi—Sure. A stitch in time saves
He—What have you got for des
She—l made you some police
-5 man’s biscuits.
- He—What on earth are they?
Relented by Weetern Newepeper Union.
NEW MORAL ORDER
MUST BE PROMOTED
WASHINGTON. Excerpts from
a recent talk of mine, “The Revo
lution in Values:”
Ours Is a capitalistic system
which depends for its strength and
power upon soundness not only
in finance, taxation, prices and such
economic matters, but also political
soundness built upon the confidence
of its people.
Jn red ink, we must write on our
books the burden of the greatest
debt of history, eventually to be 300
billions of dollars. We must serv
ice and pay this debt, carry it as
our war burden, for we financed this
war, not only our part of it, but
that of everyone else, including
Russia to some extent. But Rus
sia will have no such burden. She
has for herself destroyed our con
cept of financial values.
At the heart core of this war
Is the revolution in values which
started long before the war and
will continue long after. I have
spoken only of the corruption of
financial values, or one phase of
them which destroyed the moral
ity of money.
This war indeed is only a super
ficial phase of the revolution in all
values, the decline of morality in
politics, international diplomacy,
education and, indeed, the individ
ual lives of men.
Consider politics. The promised
word no longer has popular value.
You seldom hear the word “honor”
any more. It is considered Victorian
to be honorable.
The people have come to accept
the doctrine of immediacy, of doing
what sounds best at a given mo
ment. They scorn traditional values
as restraints and inhibitions. They
themselves are no more tied to
soundness than the money of the
Repudiations Are General.
Take international diplomacy. Re
pudiations of treaties before ink is
dry represents the same departure
from soundness in values, as that
of the political leader from the
promised word, and that of money
from the shadow of substance. The
doctrine of immediacy is what
guides nations. Their own desires of
the moment rule their conduct and
make the world.
In education there has been the
same corruption of realistic values
which we have noted in money, poli
tics and international relations—the
doctrine that children should be
raised also according to their own
desires. Education is to be a sight
seeing affair. They even taught the
philosophy of following desire in
sex, which hardly seemed to me a
matter to require teaching.
There is no phase of existence
which has not been touched by
the revolution in values, the
erection of ideals of immediacy.
In the end, all the world must
come back to values. But is it to
come back to the realization of
soundness only after thoroughly ex
ploring and suffering the collapse
of the fabulous foolishness of imme
diate desire as a guide to life?
Will we have to go completely
through the revolution to the bottom
and let each man know the falsity
of these indulgent fictions before all
can grasp the solid fact and truth?
Or will the resurgence of reason
founded upon the experience of the
war catch definite hold now and lead
our people on to realism and com
I do not know. My judgment is ,
that revolutions generally run the
course of extremity before they
settle down into sense. First, there
must arise a powerful leadership for
good before there can be good.
Above all, no matter what the im
mediate future course, there must
be no compromise of ideals. Those
who know the true values of life
also know that one day these will
be restored to popular acceptance.
Therefore, it is the duty of those
who believe in soundness to stand
steadfast in this wandering, drifting
condition. It is their duty to nurture
the light in darkness for the future
time when it will again lighten the
fires in every home and bring
warming comfort to future people.
Of the realization of simple sub
stances must sound knowledge and
sound value eventually come.
Money will be worth only what cir
cumstance or some future authority
declares it to be worth. Our inter
national safety will be only such as
our ingenuity and constant alert
ness can prescribe.
There is no safety in numbers,
even in modem weapons, because
these become obsolete overnight.
Planes in which we trusted at the
outset of this war can hardly be
used as trainers today. Time is fast.
So is obsolescence.
By such considerations should
values be truly measured, not in the
high talk you hear so frequently to
day in the search for artifices,
magic formulas, economic contriv
ances and devices to bring us all
ease, luxury, heaven on earth, but
which are only cheating our reason
of the lesson of arithmetic.
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lovely pineapple design. Pattern 7408 has
Due to an unusually large demand and
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Is required In filling orders for a few of
the most popular pattern numbers.
Send your order to:
Sewing Circle Needlecraft Dept.
82 Eighth Ave. New York
Enclose 18 cents for Pattern
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