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| • OUR COMIC SECTION | PETER If MT/m ~ | PEEVE PI HOPE YOU DON'T WELL WHAT , CON SI PER I'M /#£ HAVE YOU /gsieJL . inactive. mm done all Msmm SIR, ‘ Ijp I [Rtlwj ty Tf b<ii BimdlwM, Inc mlr i ive had |[PPnMM’ ~~ 4&J /wy PORTRAIT ; |pjj|& PAINTED | J. Millar Wan ) ' T^sgsg—c . r mmm^7 m TfTSTTTr^ . FAMILY DISTURBANCE Judge—l see you’ve been mis treating your wife. Liquor again? Seasoned Offender—Well, no, your honor, she licked me this time. Mad Millinery First Shopper—Where do you sup pose the hat designers get all their ideas? Second Ditto—Judging by the prod uct, I’d say they get them from each other. Railroad Rattans Old Lady (at ticket window)—l want to take the train to St. Louis. Ticket Man (absentmindedly) Sorry, madam, but we can't- spare it - ft*--' " • " “' * i < A Soft One Teacher—What’s the meaning of “average”? Bright Girl—A hen’s nest. Teacher—Explain your answer. B.G.—Well, I’ve often heard peo ple talk about hens laying on an average. City Hall Blues Clerk in License office—l’m very sorry, madam, but the dog license will be issued only when your form is filled out properly. Yeung Woman (indignant)—Sir, I’ll have you know that my dog loves me no matter what I look like! Learning Etiquette Mother—And now, Jasper, will you have pie or pudding? Jasper—Pie. Mother (trying to teach him man ners)—Pie, what? Jasper—Pie first. Baek in the Hills Visitor—Don’t you cut yourself often with that straight-edged razor? Hillbilly—Naw, I been shaving nigh onto three years and I ain’t cut myself either time. MIDLAND JOURNAL. RISING SUN, MD, CROSS EXAMINATION Physician—Would you have the price if I said you needed an op eration? Patient—Would you say I needed one if you thought I didn’t have the price? Nature Study Dora—l don’t know why it’s so hard to get this softball game started. i Cora—l do. Dora—Why? Cora—Because bats sleep in the daytime. { Naturally! Jane —Why is it that bald-headed men always seem to have the nicest dispositions? Joan—l suppose it’s because noth- j ing ever gets in their hair! • 1 News/lx BehindM THErtWis By* PaULMALIXMQ^ Released by Western Newspaper Union. EDUCATION BHOULD ORGANIZE STRONGLY WASHINGTON. Biggest Indus try, by far, in the United States is education. In plant, this nation has invested $14,223,489,985 (1940 figure from the United States office of education) compared with a paltry $2,750,000,- 000 in plant of the No. 1 commer cial industry, motor vehicles, bodies ana parts. We have put five times more money into the value of educa tion production buildings, from kindergarten through college, than in our vast and fabulous motors production, yet front page readers rarely notice this leading industry, and people gen erally pay little attention to it, although they own the stock in it. Annual operating cost of educa tion is $3,203,547,586 (same source, covering 1941-42) which is more than half the total of wages paid in every other industrial area in 1939. Yet practically every day you notice strikes and arguments about indus trial wages. For those we have labor boards, Little Steel formulas and great poli tical agitation and interest. In the nation’s largest industry, into which the public actually annually pays $2,671,653,202, there is no compara ble interest—and no comparable re sults. Not Run by Business Men. There are other significant distinc tions. The nation’s largest industry is not run by business men. County and city officials operate the bulk of it (their taxpayers fur nishing $1,826,937,572 for the public schools) while the states furnished $979,539,773; the federal government $83,338,030 and privately controlled schools spent $551,998,864 (all 1941- 42 figures). The federal government, fur thermore, acts vigorously to control inflation and deflation in all industries, excepting only this one, the biggest. A great watch is kept on the security, salaries and management of all busi nesses, except this one. The school text book concessions must constitute a tremendous busi ness, but no commissions nationally watch it. Postwar planning for industry is a primary occupation now, but this one is neglected excepting that more federal funds for building more schools are to be provided. The in dustry is practically unrepresented in Washington except for a few lob bying organizations seeking appro priations, and these are not man aged by business men—indeed they could not furnish me with the fig ures above quoted. I think it is clearly suggested by the outer evidence that this indus try is the least well managed as well as the least attended to. Wants Government Control. It is time the stockholders in this business started paying more atten tion to their investment. It is time also that national leaders, citizens and even government started recog nizing the vastness of the indus try, its financial influence, its eco nomic effects, as well as the effi ciency of its production, rather than leaving all this authority and con trol spread around loosely and not only uncontrolled but unadvised in various uncoordinated hands. It is time also that the workers in that industry, the teachers, realize that they are in the largest industry and more aggressively protect their economic rights and defend their leading political and economic position. I certainly do not mean by this that they should join a union, and particularly not a union nationally or internationally controlled by workers in lesser industries or their leaders, and pay tribute with high initiation fees and dues for the privi lege of such leadership, which might be far from the best with which they could provide them selves. So I think the teachers should seek the wisest possible direction, poli tically and economically, a demo cratic leadership based on superi ority of ability, rather than placing their cause upon the ground of sheer numbers as unions so often do. They are not masses, but individual personalities, capable of finding a joint expression in away they will enjoy more and which should bet ter serve their particular interests. • • • The straw polls are galluping (CQ) over the country, heralding or drumming up what is called “an i overwhelming majority support” for 1 compulsory military education. “Are you for military training? Should it be universal?” Nearly everyone is for “military | training,” and not one in a hundred thousand people in this country realizes that “universal,” in this case, is not being used in its dic j tionary sense, but to cover with I diplomatic language, a bold drafting ' of 17 or 18 year old youths. ril'Phillipr JF TOKYO BROADCASTER EXPLAINS ALL Attention! Excuse please! Hon orable Japanese give Manila back to Americans. Whole thing done as big surprise. Will surprise them by ■ letting them have Philippines soon. 1 Honorable Japanese now lead world in surprises. Japanese people will l please excuse Japanese army and i navy if they are surprised also. * • Philippines of no importance. • Japanese took them only to hold I convention of Japanese amateur photographers. Pictures not turn out too well, please excuse. Emperor decide best subjects for photo graphic are in homeland. So sorry. American General MacArthnr very much put out by Japanese be havior. Japanese put out by Mae- Arthur behavior. Honorable Japa nese claim a tie. Emperor say co prosperity sphere going. Not say satisfactory to whom, excuse please. Honorable Japanese nation must [ not ask too many questions, please, , about Japanese fleet. Japanese fleet . know where it is. We hope, Japa \ nese military leaders now try new ’ tactics. Combine strategic retreat with barrel juggling using silk kimo nos in which they look more con ■ vincing. * 1 Bombing of Tokyo imaginary. Ex -1 cuse please. Completion Ledo -1 Burma road optical illusion, excuse please. Dictation of peace by Japa nese in American White House post poned until further notice. Wet grounds, excuse please, so sorry. British and American fleets now off homeland in large numbers, ex > cuse please. Honorable Japanese ■ Ally Hitler who promise Japan fine : partnership in ladder juggling act 1 fall off ladder. Excuse please. So t sorry. Tokyo - Berlin. Co - prosper -1 ity Sphere opened by mistake. Honorable Japanese leaders as sure honorable Japanese people no cause for worry. Japanese save face. Germans lucky if save face cream. Honorable Emperor wish again to tell Japanese people, ex cuse please, that Manila of no im portance. Emperor say Japanese army was just holding it until called for. Excuse please. ’ Forward with honorable ances tors through honorable Japanese deadend street! Excuse please! i• • . | MEAT FOR FISHERMEN ( (Fishing fleet crews, deprived of . red meat by coupon limitations, are I appealing to OPA for relief.—News . item.) . A fisherman needs his dally meat, . He slaves amid wintry seenes; t He can’t live on hash where nor easters crash, And doesn’t care much for beans. , He battles the cold and wintry gales, And harks to the skipper’s wish; ’ His appetite is never quite light. And, boy, he gets sick of fish! Oh, tough is the life on a fishing ' smack, | And hungry the crews do grow; ! When hauling a net all icy and wet 9 For dainties he’ll never go; A fisherman works on a rugged job, His appetite knows no whims; He likes a steak thick, and gets very sick 1 Of any known food that swims. 1 Oh, hard is the life on the ocean 1 cold, A little green salad? Bunk! No cheeses on rye will a fisher man’s eye fill, And eggplant a la king is punk; So, up with more points for the fish ing lads, And off with the iron lid! Some meat from a cow makes sea faring chow— i And you keep the codfish, kid! I• • • ’ Back Home Stuff. [ It appears that tripe is coming back. We just read of its reappear -1 ance. A recipe called for its being put in a pot and simmered for two | hours, then cut into cubes. Phooey! Any such preparation would be a violating of the code of 1 the old-fashioned tripe eater. Tripe ‘ was a common dish back home in ’ our boyhood. Every butcher market ' carried it, good times or bad. And > we had it in our house at least once ‘ a week. But no simmering and no • cubes! The orthodox system was to ‘ cut it in slabs, bread it or roll it in | flour and fry it to a golden brown. ‘ We have never been able to explain ' the decline and fall of honeycomb • tripe. But we welcome it back. • • • | China officially . states that it is ’ possible to stand an egg on end on . the first day of spring (Chinese cal ' endar time). We will take an egg, , on end or not, any time. Our quest is for a slice of bacon on its side or a slab of ham flat on its back. • • • J We will never think our civiliza tion what it is cracked up to be | until we see in front of the blood ‘ donor stations lines of Americans waiting as patiently and as long 1 as they sit in front of stores ad vertising cigarette sales. Desk That Matches Unit Book Shelves TF YOU can saw straight and drive a nail you can make this useful desk. Combined with curved end units it becomes an impor tant piece of furniture to fill a wide wall space, or it may be used with 1 other matching units as shown. Its sleek modem lines also make it perfect for a boy’s or girl’s room. Those nicely planned compart ments are as easy to make as a box slipped in place and secured from the back. The pattern also shows how to make shelves and compartments underneath for storing files and records. • • • NOTE—Pattern 272 gives large dia grams and illustrated step-by-step direc tions for this desk. A list of all materials required is included. Unit Ein the upper sketch is also made with this pattern. Units A and B with Pattern 270. Unit C with Pattern 271. Patterns are 15 cents each postpaid. Address requests for pat terns to: MRS. RUTH WYETH SPEARS Bedford Hills New York Drawer 10 Enclose 15 cents for each pattern ordered. Name Address i“ M^S : for COUGHS j j due to COLDS because / ! medicated ] • -M fjm i • I COUGH LOZENGES j • J • Get below the gargle line with ; • F&F Cough Lozenges. Each F& F ; • Lozenge gives your throat a 15 j • minute soothing, comforting treat- j • ment all (he way down. Millions ; • use them for coughs, throat irrita- ; • tions or hoarseness resulting from ; • colds or smoking. Box —only 10)S. • HEARTBURN Relieved in 5 minutes or double money back When excess stomach acid causes painful, suffocat ing gas, sour stomach and heartburn, doctors usually prescribe the fastest-acting medicines known for symptomatic relief—medicines like thoee in Bell-ann Tablets. No laxative. Bell-ans brings comfort in a Jiffy or double your money back on return of bottle to us. 25c at all druggists. Invest in Liberty Buy War Bonds Jj DASH FEATf^H^^' s v° MUCM farther jfl Famous to relieve MOHTHLV^W 1 FEMALE Jh > I MISERY AES (Also line Stomachic Tonic I) Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com pound is famous to relieve not only monthly pain but also accompanying nervous, tired, hlghstrung feelings— when due to functional periodic dis turbances. Taken regularly—lt helps build up resistance against such dis tress. Pinkham’s Compound helps na ture! Follow label directions. Try itl oGf<£uc£.(PwtkkcvnCd compound nHR MFHifPP mmm |igj HHiflnmTm Strategically located right In the heart of the city's busi ness, shopping and entertain ment district. 700 rooms, each with radio, bath or shower. Service and food as faultless as wartime conditions will permit. Reservations well In advance will enable us to pre pare for you — consequently, to serve you better.