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MOPSY by GLADYS PARKER
donY be silly/ what makes you THINK WE HAVE FLO^^HERE — .. |Wdm Nwi>nwt THE WORLD AT ITS WORST By Gluyas Williams „ .MOTHER NEEPS HER SHARPEST Wls AT THE MOMENT WHEN TrtETAMILY ERUPTS TROM frtE HOUSE IN THE MORNIN6 CALLING MESSAGES ABOUT WHAT T? TEU. IRE PLUMBER AND WHICH UNIFORM NEEDS BUTTONS SEWED ON AND WHAT t> SWIO JANIE'S MOTHER ABOUT THE 6IRL SCOUT PACE AHE ETC. ETC. - AU MESSAGES BEING DELIVERED SIMULTANEOUSLY 1 AND NOT VERV CLEARLY ON ACCOUNT OF EVERYONE'S BEING OUT OF BREATH -by Tfc> Bn TMHf, hi.) WmW# LIFE’S LIKE THAT By Neher I US AAOPEBNSi “According to Emily Post you’re supposed to serve from the left!!” OVERSIGHT The officer gazed sternly at the private who had been brought be* fore him. “Did you call the sergeant a liar?” he demanded. “I did, sir.” “And did you go on to describe him as a pop-eyed, knock-kneed, rood-for-nothing louse?” The private hesitated. Then, with t note of regret in his voice, he replied: “No, sir, I forgot that.” Self-Cared “You’ve been a pretty sick man,” said the doctor. “In fact, I may say it was only your strong constitu tion that pulled you through.” “Well,” replied the convalescent, somewhat testily, “I trust you will remember that when you come to make nut the bill." Oat with It “This morning I had a tussle with rny dentist.” “Did you win?” “No. It ended in a draw.” TICKLISH TESTING “Hey,” the electrician called to his helper, “put your hand on one of these wires.” The helper touched one of them as told. “Feel anything?” “No.” “Good!” said the electrician. “I wasn’t sure which was which. Don’t touch tha other one or you’ll drop dead.” No Clock Watcher “See here, Jones,” complained the boss, “how is it that you never get to work on time any more?” “Well, boss,” replied Jones, “it is like this. You’ve drilled me so dam well never to watch the clock here at the office that I’ve lost the habit of watching it at home.” Married, Eh? First Fork—Who was that ladle I saw with you last night? Second Fork—That was no ladle, that was my knife. MIDLAND JOURNAL, RISING SUN, MI). Kathleen Norris Says: The Half-Hearted Wife BeU Syndicate.— WNU Feature*. “To get a good look at Roberta' one-time ideal would be a wholesome thing lor Dick." By KATHLEEN NORRIS ON MY desk lies a letter from a girl of 24, an office girl in an Illinois city, who is going to be married in June. Roberta is going to have a church and home wedding, with bridesmaids; she’s going to a pretty new home after a California honeymoon; she's go ing to have well-to-do relatives in-law who apparently can’t do enough for her and she is smugly miserable. She is miserable because six years ago she had a wild, passion ate young love affair with a boy named Archie. Archie led her on for some months with the idea of mar riage, and then left without a good by and broke her heart. She has told Dick all about Archie. “I’ve told Dick,” says her letter, “that I’m afraid I don’t feel for him what I ought to feel. We’re con genial; I’ll have a fine position in the community when I’m married; I admire everything about Dick, but still there’s always the memory of Archie, pick has been patience it self about it; he wanted to be mar ried before he went into the serv-' ice, in 1942, and every time he was home on leave, but how can I give myself to one man however fine, with the lingering love for my girl hood’s sweetheart always in the background? “My mother detested Archie, and she loves Dick. Everyone thinks I’m lucky, but I don’t want to make a mistake. Would it be wiser for me to break, even now, and stay true to Archie, even though he may never come back, or is it enough to have the husband completely de voted, and will what I can give Dick be enough for him?” • • • It seems incredible to me, Roberta, I say in answer, that any woman in the world is still cling ing to this romantic Victorian de lusion. Out of Date Attitude. Sixty or seventy years ago it was fashionable for any vaporous and simpering young female to flatter herself that “he? heart was anoth er’s,” but at the same time to give her hand to the prosperous, devoted and satisfactory partner. Many an engaged girl, even now, rather likes the fancy that she will be more adored than adoring, and that she may capriciously dole out favors to the grateful male, often reminding him that he told her, in engagement days, that just to have her would be enough, and he would some day win her love. In engagement days, yes. But what an awakening is ahead of romantic Roberta, if Dick is the kind of man who sweeps these rosy cobwebs aside, once the marriage is an accomplished fact, and be comes bored when Roberta wants to enter into a sweet, saccharine confession of her earlier attach ment, and expresses regret that she has not given and cannot give Dick her entire heart. Years ago I saw a mawkish movie called “The Loves of Anatole.” I think it was in that movie that the bride had a heart-shaped aperture carved in her bedroom door. The groom, when wishing to enter, pre sented bunches of blossoms at this little look-out, and the coy bride ac cepted them as only her due. Roberta belongs in that movie. If she has good sense she Till Should l Hay true to Archie . . SWEET MEMORIES Often when a girl is about to marry, she can’t help recalling some sweetheart of the past. Frequently it was her first expe rience with love, and the thrill ing memory remains bright. She wonders if she really should go through with her marriage—per haps that first man will come back, if she will only wait. Such a problem faces Roberta, who is asking Miss Norris for advice in today’s article. On the face of it, she is very fortunate. The man fhe intends to marry is well educated and successful. He has an inherited fortune, and well-to-do relatives. She can look forward to a honey moon in California, and a pretty new home. Everybody in the new family likes her, and she in turn likes them. Nevertheless, Roberta isn’t hap py. She can’t get over the joy of the days when she was in love with Archie. He never amounted to anything, but he seemed to be the answer to all Roberta’s dreams. When he left without saying goodbye it broke her heart. Now that she is about to marry Dick, she still hopes there is some chance that Archie will come back to her, wake up, forget the high school beau, appreciate that she is a lucky woman, and instead of sim pering complacently as Richard at tempts to win her love, will set her self in good serious whole-hearted affection to win his. A Visit from Archie. Perhaps the luckiest thing that could happen to them both would be to have Archie, the breaker of hearts and engagements, return to town. Archie had no prospects, no job, no sense of honor, six years ago he probably hasn’t any of these now. To get a good look at Roberta’s one-time ideal would be a wholesome thing for Dick, and save him much annoyance in the fu ture, and the thought that she couldn’t do any better than Archie, at 18, would be highly salutory to Roberta. Her wistful reminiscences would lose some of their effective ness with Archie hanging around the house. No ghosts out of a woman’s past can be quite as embarrassing as her one-time lovers. Awkward brothers, severe fathers, exacting or boring uncles and aunts these she can stand. She can stand to have Dick dine with sister Mollie and the swarming babies and the disorderly dinner table and the noise and breakage and yelling. But when her dream-boy of senior year high shows up, laughing stupidly at humiliating old mem ories, calling her the pet name that once thrilled her to the soul, ex pecting certain affectionate familiar ities like holding hands >n public and occasionally kissing, then Roberta’s soul shrivels within her, and she wishes that he were 1,000 miles away. If Richard was smart he would write to Archie and ask him to spend a week-end with himself and Roberta in their new home some time. REALLY QUIET! Have you ever heard your heart beat? Well, you can in the new Parmly sound laboratory, latest addition to the Illinois Institute of Technology. Donated by the Parm ly Foundation for Auditory Re search, the lab is an 18 by 20-foot room with 24-inch fiberglass spikes lining the four walls to absorb sound. Modeled after a similar chamber at Harvard, the room rests on rubber pads supported by concrete piers, the whole of which weighs approximately 40 tons. | Imaginary Interview* President Truman and Ills Mom. Mom—Well, Harry, you sure do look all frazzled out. What on earth’s happened to you? Harry—What hasn’t! Gosh, mom, I sometimes wish I had never left the farm. Mom—l tried to get you to stay, son. I warned you about those city folks. You could have been a pros perous farmer today with no wor ries. Harry Shucks, mom, a farmer has his worries. Mom—Yes, but he doesn’t have a flock of newspaper editors telling him what to do next. You’d be happy right now with a farm and cows and chickens and turkeys. . . . Harry—lt would be just my luck to have to milk cows, surrounded by radio commentators. As for chickens, mom, I think I’d like ’em. There’s never any doubt who’s lay lng-the eggs. So far as turkeys are concerned there are more big ones in Washington than in all Missouri. * Mom I wish I could tell that awful John Lewis what I think of him for the way he's treated you. What did you ever do to make an enemy of him? Harry Nothing. Friend or foes are all alike to John. Mom—And that railroad mess! It’s terrible the way they all gang ip on you, son. Why don’t you tell 'em all to go to thunder and come oack to Missouri for keeps while you’re still able? Harry A President can’t walk out. Mom lt seems that everybody else can. What’s all this about you seizing things to right and left? Harry lt’s just a figure of speech. I seize mines and railroads theoretically, that’s all. Mom—You look as if they had seized you, and NOT theoretically. I hate old Mrs. pufaston more than ever. Harry—Who is she? Mom—When you were a baby she said you might grow up to be Pres ident! Harry Maybe she didn’t know what it meant. Mom See here, Harry, what’s this stuff in the papers about you , refusing a pardon? Harry—What do you mean, re fusing a pardon? j Mom—lt says you want a second term. Tell me it ain’t so! Harry—Gosh, mother, you told me to go to Washington and plow a straight furrow, didn’t you? Mom—l didn’t say anything about an eight-year furrow. Just be sen sible, my boy, and come home to Missouri where people love you, where they know you for the fine man you are and where nobody wants to scalp you every few minutes. Harry—Think how I’d look if I quit the White House, mom! Mom—Think how you’ll look if you don’t, my son! • • * VANISHING AMERICANISMS “Tej, we serve mashed, baked or boiled potatoes as well as French fried. " “If you are looking for a home just phone us.” “We must first consider the general public." "I don’t want to do anything that would invite criticism." “You can’t beat America when it comes to production." “Live and let live." "Stop, look and listen." INFLATION i All the rest is quickly shot When yon break a fifty-spot. * An optimist’s that guy, so strange, Who, when he shops, expects some change. Give thanks in torrents, not a trickle ! A cup of coffee’s still a nickel. PIER. • • • Safer Driving Campaign Remember this When at the wheel: You needn’t be A super “heel.” Bear this in mind By hill and dell; A car is not A long-range shell! • • * A good many men whose wives are not any too good at baking will welcome any drive to eliminate pastries with meals. • • • FOOD DRIVE CASUALTY Three-decker sandwich, Your exit begins; That extra slice covered Some terrible sins. • • • They say that ever since Ethel Merman scored as Annie Oakley in that new musical of Buffalo Bill’s day she won’t eat anything but buf falo steaks. • • • Brooklyn becomes 300 years old next month. Some of ha arteries cer tainly look it. Posies for Bathroom From Yard of Chintz IT IS marvelous what you can do 1 with a yard of flowered chintz. Just try cutting the posies out and spreading around for dramatic ef fect. Tint a faded bath mat and apply a stunning big rose in one corner, use others on towels; then make shower curtains of plain material with more roses applied. TOW t uftYwH M lot fI ROSES UE These Intriguing Ideas are from a 32- page booklet, “Make Your Own Cur tains." Every page Is Illustrated so clear ly that you can follow directions whether you have ever sewn before or not. With Its help you may use both new and old materials to curtain your house as beau ; tifully as If you hired a decorator. Read ers may get copies of this booklet for 15c postpaid. A wood-working pattern. No. 255. for the spool shelves shown In the sketch Is also 15c. Send orders with name and address to: MRS. RUTH WYETH SPEARS Bedford Hills, N. Y. Drawer 10 Enclose 15 cents for booklet and 15 cents for pattern. Name Add ress H h> fot £ Powder. H B Bridgeport, Conn. A Safe, Sound Investment — Buy U. S. Savings Bonds! CANT YOU SLEEP? WHEN the stress of modern living gets “on your nerves” a good sedative can do a lot to lessen nervous tension, to make you more comfortable, to permit restful sleep. Next time a day’s work and worry or a night’s wakefulness, makes you Irritable, Restless or Jumpy—gives you Nervous Head ache or Nervous Indigestion, try Miles NERVINE (Liquid or Effervescent Tablets) Miles Nervine is a time-tested sedative that has been bringing relief from Functional Nervous Dis turbances for sixty years yet is as up-to-date as this morning’s news paper. Liquid 25c and sl-00, Effer vescent tablets 35c and 75c. CAUTION —Take only as directed. RAZO IN TUtISI Million* of people euffering from simple Piles, hues found prompt relief with PAZO ointment. Here’s why; First, PAZO ointment soothes Inflamed areas—relieves pain and Itching. Second, PAZO ointment lubricates hardened, dried parte— helps prevent cracking and sore* ness. Third, PAZO ointment tends to reduce swelling and check minor bleeding. Fourth. It*e easy to use. i PAZO ointment's perforated Pile l Pipe makes application simple. . thorough. Your doctor can tell you about PAZO ointment. • URROsiToaias tool Som, peraoo., sod many doctor*, prefer to use auppoeitories, *o PAZO come* In handy auppoaltorle* al*o. Th **■■ toothing relief that | PAZO lwny tire*.