Little Falls herald. [volume], July 28, 1905, Image 5

About Little Falls herald. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1889-1950

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
Major CiofoQt,
The Promoter
Tlie Great American Deadbeat Meets
a Humorist and Is Greatly
Humiliated.
ivopy:
[Copyright, 1905, by R. B. McClure.]
AJOR CROFOOT, grand pro­
moter and artful dodger, was
seated at his desk and chew­
ing a bit of blotting pad,
While he wondered where his lunch for
that day was coming from, when his
Office door opened and a middle aged
nan entered wfth a smile on his face.
The major at once jumped to the con­
clusion that it was somebody to invest
In his scheme to raise sugar beets on
the great Sahara desert, and he rose
Qp and extended his hand and said:
"Good morning to you, sir. Pleasant
morning. What can 1 do for you?"
"Yes, it is a pleasant morning. Ha!
ha! ha!" laughed the caller as he helped
himself to a chair.
"You—you wanted to see me on busi­
ness, I presume?"
"Yes, on business. Ha! ha! ha!"
"You perhaps want to make an in
Testment?" continued the major, look-
MADB HIS HEELS KXOCK OVRB THE STOVE
AS HE SWUNG ABOUND.
toff more closely to see if the man had
the fires of insanity in his eyes.
"Perhaps I do. Ha! ha! ha! Say, this
is
a good one."
"You must excuse me, sir, if I fall to
•atch on."
"Oh, the catching on is easy enough.
Don't you remember me, major?"
"I am sorry to say that I do not.
Have you ever invested with me?"
"Havel? Havel? Ha, ha,ha! That
fli a good one."
"My time is very much occupied, sir."
"Yes, I know. That's another good
one. Excuse me, major, while 1
gurgle."
He gurgled and chuckled and slapped
his leg for half a minute, while the ma­
jor studied his features. All of a sud­
den his identity was revealed.
"So you remember me?" asked the
nan as he saw the trouble in the ma­
jor's face. "Yes, I am Green. We
Used to room and board In the same
house. Yes—ha, ha, ha!"
"So this is Green," queried the pro­
moter as lie held out his hand—"the
dear old friend of other days? How on
earth could I have failed to establish
your identity at once? You will excuse
me, I know. By George, but I was
thinking of you the moment you en­
tered!"
"Not a doubt of it, major —not a
doubt. Funny, isn't it? Ha, ha, ha!"
"My dear old hilarious boy, I am glad
to see you—thrice glad—and especial­
ly in such spirits. The last time I
heard of you they said you had gone to
Mexico and would never return."
"Did they? Ha, ha, ha! Say, that is
funny that is funny!"
amount. Mr. Green, have you ever
heard of the Great American Inter
changeable Pie company?"
Mr. Green stood up and laughed.
Then he leaned against the wall and
laughed. Then he sat down and snig­
gered:
"Our object is to make the American
pie known to the civilized world
known and appreciated. No other na­
tion ever built itself up on' pie. It is
the pie, sir—the American pie—that
rules the world. My company proposes
to make them by the billion and ship
them to every inhabited spot on the
globe. From the 1st of October to the
1st of March of every year we shall
make mince pies only. Forty-eight in­
gredients and two crusts in every pie,
our trademark plainly stamped on the
upper crust, and all persons counter­
feiting it wiH be arrested at once.
Every pie sent to its destination in its
own wooden dish, and 10 cents will
buy one in Persia as well as in Chi­
cago. One price to all, and nothing
like 'em. We have already secured
hundreds of testimonials."
"Say, now—say, now—ha! ha! ha!"
roared Mr. Green as he laughed till he
was red in the face.
"From March 1 to Oct. 1," continued
the major, without turning a hair, "we
shall send out custard, peach, cherry
and lemon pies. The price will be the
same, and they will give the same sat­
isfaction. The capital Is $3,000,000,
all paid in, and the stock is already
selling above par. Biggest, grandest
richest thing on the face of the earth.
The dividends will reach 100 per cent
in the first six months. Don't touch
Standard Oil—don't fool with the beef
trust. Come into the Great American
Interchangeable Pie company. That
is"
"That is, you want me for vice presi
dent at a salary of $25,000 per year?"
Interrupted Mr. Green.
"You have struck it exactly. Several
years ago you loaned me $5. It was
bread cast upon the waters. I want
it to return a hundredfold to you. I
want you to know and fully realize
that the sentiment of gratitude still
beats in the human breast. Accept the
place, my dear old friend—accept it
and let me shake your hand in con­
gratulation."
"Are you through, major?" was
asked.
"Well, you can tell me what you will
do. If you have a better thing on hand,
why, I have nothing to say, but you
know I would like to have you with
me."
Mr. Green smiled. Then he grinned.
Then he chuckled. Then he roared and
•lapped his leg.
"And the dividends can't be less than
100 per cent after the first six months,"
solemnly asserted the major, who was
a good deal troubled in his mind.
"You slick deadbeat! You noble old
liar! You beneficent old baldheaded
•on of a gun!"
"I do not understand you, sir."
Then Mr. Green rose up with a smile
on his face and reached out for the
major and made his heels knock over
the stove as he swung him around.
The second swing cleared the desk,
and the third raked the plaster all
along one wall. Then the major was
stood on his head, stood on his feet,
danced up and down and played pitch
and toss with, and when he was finally
left lying on the dusty floor Mr. Green
passed out of the office with a "Ta ta,
major. The Great American Inter­
changeable Deadbeat company wishes
you a fond good day!"
And Mr. Green threw himself back Spacer—I have been trying to think
Is his chair with such force as to carry I of a unique caption for the column of
away its back. He laughed for a full 1 wedding announcements.
minute, and there wwe tears In his Editor—Heud it "Rumors of War."—
eyes as he finally straightened up and
•aid:
"You are the same dear old dead
beat and liar, and you ought to have
a medal. How many swindles have
you got on hand just now? You don't
look as prosperous as you might, ma­
jor, but I suppose you make a few vic­
tims. When you finally recognized me
your face became as white as death,
and you tried your best to swallow
your Adam's apple. This Is as good as
reading a funny book."
"Mr. Green," began the major, try­
ing to look very serious, "I was not al­
ways a millionaire."
"No? Ha, ha, ha! Keep it up, ma­
jor!"
"There was a time, and that not far
distant, when I lacked the wherewithai
to buy a meal. I had hope and ambi
Hon and determination, but no money.
One day you came to me and offered
me a loan of $5. Never In my life"—
"I came to you? I offered you a
loan of $5? Say, major, laugh with
me—ha! ha! ha!"
"Never in my life shall I forget your
unexpected kindness. You knew noth­
ing about me, but you saw honesty and
Integrity In my looks, and something
must have told you that I would suc­
ceed at last. You offered me $5 and I
accepted it in the spirit tendered. That
mm laid the foundations of my for­
tune. All I have I owe to you, and I
am free to say so."
"All you have!" shouted Mr. Green as
he looked around at the office furni­
ture. "Say, major, you grow funnier
every minute. You will next be offer­
ing to repay the loan—ha! ha! ha!"
"Had I knowfl where to reach you
the loan would have been repaid years
ago. As it is, I shall not content my­
self with handing you a check for the
The major gDt up after a few min­
utes and brushed the dust off and snt
down and hummed merrily to himself.
He had lost everything but honor, but
that was as safe as the rock of Gibral­
tar. M. QUAD.
A Neighbor's Wish.
Mrs. F.—I am quit? a near neighbor
Of yours now. I have taken a house
by the river.
Mrs. S.—Oh, I do hope you will dro
in some clay.—Lippincott's Magazine.
Judge.
Where He Stands.
"He admits that all his thoughts are
for business, but he says he always
tries to keep on the right side of the
church."
"Yes, but his idea of the right side is
tbe outside."
The Rape of the Lock.
Be took the scissors and he clipped
A lock from out her hair,
And for excuse he said to her,
"You've got enough to spare."
"That's true," said she, "but, lest you
think
The lock you took is mine,
I ought to say I bought it from
A hair stor« near the Rhine!"
«4ilu X. Floyd in Lippincott's Magazine
THE
WASH GOODS
Values that will create enthusiasm
and bring* business.
15 pieces fine cotton Challie
per yard
4 pieces printed English
Cambric worth 15c per yd.
40 pieces Nub Suiting, Voiles, Mad­
ras, and fine cotton Poulard 4
worth 18c per yard I Uu
5 pieces Mercerized Chambrav lift
regular 15c and 18c values I lU
10 pieces imported cotton Voiles and
fancy Mohair Lusture 1
Umbrella Specials
Our $1.50 Umbrellas and AC
Sun Shades now 01 iZu
Our $1.75 Umbrellas and
Sun Shades now ......
Our $2.25 Umbrellas and
Sun Shades now ....
10 pieces good 10c Outing
Flannels this week per yard
10 pieces Outing Flannel
regular 8c quality this week
Children's Hose
25 dozen children's black hose would
be a bargain at 5c a pair Aa
this week per pair Zu
MR. BOliCK ROBBED
The Robbers Only Secured
Small Booty,
However
Hon. I. W. Bouek of Royalton,
while at Staples Saturday night, was
robbed. Mr. Bonck was on his way
from home ro Dnluth and while
changing care four young men
crowed arcund hiia as he was getting
on the Dulutb train. He believed they
meant ill, and held onto his watch and
small parse, containing the balk of
his monty, oat hi
enlarge wallet, con
taining valuable papers and $6, was
taken out of a hip pocket. The wallet
was found empty by a brakeman in a
seat after the train left. Four men
were arrested at Dulath when the
train arrived ant Mr. Bouck thinks
he can identify one of the robbe s,
anyway. Be returned to Royalton
after the robbery.
The team of Carrier No. 7, R. F.
D., ran away Saturday morning, run­
ning from the postoffice northward on
First street, and knocking down the
sign in front of the pool room. Little
damage was done.
W. W. Tuttle of Firmie, British
Columbia, visited his cousin, Mrs. F.
Graham, hete. Mr. Tnttle was born in
Little Falls lo 1866. He had not been
here before In twenty-eight sears. He
is in the hotel business, and bis
brother Charles is also located at
Firmie.
Six laas of Pike Creek were arrested
on complaint of Paul KoBlica, for
stealing raspberries, and brought be­
fore Justice Cameron. Waiving ex­
amination, they were bound over to
the district court. The complainant
then had a warrant issued for Joe
Olik, a boy, for assault and battery,
claiming that Joe hit him on the foot
with a stick. Then John Olik, father
of the boy, had Roslioa arrested for
aesaulting the boy.
4C
Die
25c values now only I UU
Ladles' Collars
Ladies' embroidery turn-over collars
beautiful new patterns our 11
15c quality for only II11
Ladies' embroidery turn-over collars
extra width elegant designs 1 a
and worth 20c for only .... I Til
Ladies' wash stock collars an ele­
gant assortment and worth
50c for only
Qn
29C
SI .40
SI .75
Domestic Specials
8c
6c
Tomeity Store News
NSALE•ofThe
OW for a final cleanup of all broken lots, odd assortments, here-and-there
heaps goodsthat have been accumulatingduring our GREAT ALTERATION
whole store and basement contributes values to make this sale
a record-breaker, and if you're interested in making every cent count, it will certain­
ly be a mighty success, for every item h6re mentioned there are dozens equally good
in the store. Come here and we will prove to you that every price is a special price.
LINEN BARGAINS
25c
42c
FOR THIS WEEK
54-inch red Table Linen, good
35c value, this week per yd
54 inch red Table Linen, our
50c quality, this week a yd
4 pieces unbleached table Damask
splendid 60c and 65c values
this week per yard
6 dozen Huckaback Linen Towels
full 16^x35 inches our 11 A
special 15c value for (j
6 dozen Huckaback Linen Towels
21^x42 inches the kind sold 1
Carpet Sweepers
amask
We tell you briefly of the bargains
leaving the rest to your keen judg­
ment.
Ladies' skirts, special $1.25 at
Handkerchief Specials
25 dozen Men's large red bandana
handkerchiefs the regular
10c quality special each...
Soap Specials
8 bars of the celebrated
Diamond laundry soap..
Gold Dust washing powder
the 25c kind special at...
45c
everywhere at 25c, this week UU
Skirt Specials
$0.98
$2.00 $1.58
$3.50 $2.58
$3.75 $2.79
Special $5.00 and $5.25 values
$3.48
2 dozen carpet sweepers made from
choice wood, well finished, noiseless
rubber tires and automatic dump­
ing device, a regular A 4 A A
$ 3 0 0 or
STATEMENT THAT CIGAR BOXES
CANNOT BE GIVEN AWAY
IS WRONG.
Wadena Tribune: Last week we
published an item from the Northfleid
News to the effect that cigar dealers
were compelled under a new
destroy all empty cigar boxes.
Anderson, of Anderson &
wrote down to Collector vonBaumbach
asking if the statements in the item
were true. He had beard nothing to
such effect. Wednesday he received
an answer, and it seems that the
Northiield News and other papers who
pnblished similar statements are
wrong. Mr. vonBaumbach says:
'There is no new rule in regard to
empty cigar boxes. The law requires
that when a box is empty that the
stamp shall be destroyed and when
such boxes are to be given away, yon
should also destroy the caution notice
and factory number branded on the
box. But where the boxes are being
kept by the dealer for his own use,
the destruction of the stamp will
suffiice. Yon can do what you please
with the empty boxes after the
stamps have been destroyed in accord­
ance with the above rale."
law to
J. G.
Holly,
SENTIMENT FOR COLE.
Foley Independent: John Taylor,
the well known traveling man, who
represents Foley Bros. & Kelly on the
road, was in the city the first of the
were calling on his customers.
His territory embraces most of the
Sixth congressional district and he
says that it is surprising the amount
of sentiment favoring Hon. A. L.
Cole, of Walker, for coneressman two
years hence. In the northern part of
the district Mr. Taylor said the senti­
ment was most pronounced. This is
where Mr. Cole is known and the resi­
dents in that section are urging his
candidacy on the grounds of the ex­
cellent record he made while state
senator.
Henry Lange pitched for Staples in
a game there Sunday with pickups
from the Wadena and Vercdale teams.
Staples won, 6 to 9.
2C
25c
20c
...0llDu
The cold storage bnilding is
wired for electric lights.
H. C. Stivers has been elected presi­
dent of the Superior trades asd labor
assembly.
A. A. Lange
new prescription
pharmacy.
BASEMENT BARGAINS
Priced In away that will open the
parse strings of the closest buyers.
Beef steak pounder
Vegetable brush
Wash dish
Whisk broom holder
Wire card holder
Clothes.line
One quart covered pail/
Shoe brush
Crystal sauce dish
Fancy cup and saucer
Large fancy sea shell
Crystal pickle dish
C||
Nickle plated dish
Nickle strainer
Nickle tooth brush h'dr
Crumb trayand scrap'r
Flour sprinkler
Nickle cup
Lemonade shaker
Nickle towel rack
Raisin seeder
Crystal sugar bowl
Large size 3-jly veneer]
chair seat
Children's garden set,
hoe, spade and rake
Children's cart
of St. Cloud is the
clerk at Wulliiog's
Mrs. H. Lanriahl started for the
West Monday to visit her sisters at
Spokane and Portland.
The Brainerd base ball team defeat­
ed Royalton- at Rrainerd Saturday
ana Sunday, 11 to 3, and 8 to 3.
Rev. W. C. A. Wailar will preach
at the Green Prairie church next Sun­
day afternoon, July 30th, at 3:8U p.
m.
Contractor F. E. Kreatz of St.
Cloud and crew have commenced
work on the plumbing and sewer
work for the Hawthorne and Colom­
bia schools
A- surprise party was given by the
L. O. T. M. at the home of Mr. and
Mrs. Geo. Gordon Friday evening, in
honor of Mrs. Harry Halseth, who
left for Port Arthur, Canada, on Sat­
urday.
Albert Eranse was re-elected treas­
urer in School District 72. He has
been treasurer ever since the district
was organized about twelve years airo.
ATLAS MILL IMPROVEMENTS.
Brainerd Arena: E. S. Stanton,
head miller of the Atlas Milling Co.,
is in the city today and will receive
bids for improvements in the mill. It
is reported that an addition will be
built for elevator purposes and that
several other important changes are
contemplated.
Large 8 quart lipped stew pan 4
with bale 20c value for I Zlf
Granite wash basin sizes 28-30 Cf|
worth 25c and 30c only UU
Foot tubs imported blue granit
special 75c values for
Nickle tea and coffee pots
splendid 35c and 40c values
XX tin wash boilers copper Q0f|
bottom special $1.25 at
XXX tin wash boiler reinforced
handles copper bottom
special $1.35 this week
Double cog wheel clothes
rolls vulcanized on shaft
special $1.50 value for ...
being
The Water Power Co. will put in
a 45-horse motor at the horse shoe
factory.
SAYS
50c
25c
uOu
$1.09
wringers
S1.10
1'HUMAN
DERRICK" ISA
FAKE.
Herman Moth, the wrestler, is
quoted by the Fargo Forum as saying
of Carl Erickson, the big wrester who
visited here:
"That fellow is a big fakir. He
weighs over 800 pounds and looks like
he might throw an elephant. He poses
as the North* Dakota heavyweight
champion, but does all his wrestling
with his face.
"If he will post $50 forfeit with
The Forum, I will cover the money
and agree to throw him three times in
an hour and a half—and he weighs
more than 100 pounds over my
weight. I will show the people of
Fargo what a dub he is.
"He has been going over the coun­
try, continued Moth, "under the
title of the Human Derrick. He waa
accompanied by a lot of fakin and
they oleaned up a few suckers for
their money till their deal was ex
posed at Superior.
"If he thinks he wants a match let
him put $60 and I will wrestle him at
any date after my match with Mon­
roe."
The supreme court has decided that
the state will have to pay Congress­
man Bookman's costs in the aotion
brought against him by the atate. In
criminal and tax cases it had been
held that costs could not be recovered
against the state, but the court had
never passed on the question in rela­
tion to a oivll action.
Swanville News: Peterson & Har­
rison have a large crew of men at
work on the new ditch at the big
marsh and expect to have it com­
pleted soon. The part of the ditch
that was completed last fall has so
far dried out adjoining marsh glands
that haiyng is now being done where
it was never possible to work man or
horses before.
Geo. W. Harting, who has been vis­
iting with his parents. Mr. and Mrs.
D. K. Harting, left for New York
Wednesday, to take up his work as an
instructor In drawing in the .New
York schools, and will study at th«
Chase School of. Fine Art.