Forty, Less One. BY JAMES RICHARDSON. Over by th tangled thicket, Where the level meets the hill, Where the mealy alder bushes Crowd around the ruioed mill Where the thiushes whittle early, W here the midges love to play, Wheie the nettles, tall and stinging, Guai the vine obstructed way, Where the tired brooklet lingers In a quiet little pool, Mi&trebb Salmo Fontinahs Keeps a verv private school. Forty little speckled beauties Come to learn of 'icr, each day, How to climb the foaming rapids, Where the flabhing sunbeams play, How to navierate the eddies, How to sink and how to rise, How to watoh for passing perils, How to leap for parsing flies, When to play upon the surtace, When beneath the stones to hide, All the 6ecrets of the water, All brook learning, true andtried. "That's a good-for-nothing skipper "That's a harmless yellow-bird "That's the flicker of the shine, When the alder leaves are stirred "Thai's the shadow of a cloudlet." "That's a squirrel come to d-ink "Thai's look outforhim, my darlings! He's afieice and hungry mink "Trial's the ripple on the water, When the winds the wavelets stir "Thatsnap quick, my little hearties! That's a lucious grasshopper." So the clever Mistress Salmo Gives her counsel, day by day, Teaching all the troutly virtues, All life's, lessons grave and nay. Well she knows t*ie flashing terror Of King Fishei's sudden fall! Well she knows the lurking danger Of the barb'd hook, keen and small! Well she tries to warn her pupils Of all evils, low and high! But, alas! the vain young tnflers Sometimes disobeyand die! What was that which passed so quickly, With a slender shade behind? What is that wLich stires the alder, When no ripple tells of wind9 W hat 6ends Mistress Salmo daiting Underneath the stones in fear? Crying, "Hide ourselves, my darlings, Our worst enemy is near!" "I am bound to understand it," Savs one self proud speckle-side "When I see the danger's real, Then if need be, I can hide." Bo he waits alone and watches, Sees the shadow pass again, Sees a fly drop on the water, Dashes at it, misrht and main, "Missed it! Wt 11," he Bays, "I never! That's the worstjump made to-day! Here another comes now for it!" Splash! He's in the airto stay! When the alders cease to tremble, Silence comes and sun-glints shine, Mistress Salmo Fontinahs, Calls the rolljust thirty-nine' St. Nicholas for July. HISTORICAL HOVXES. Borne of flio Practical Jokes That Have Passed into History. BrooklynEagle The degree of humor which people whose humor is abnormally developed can extract from hoaxes and practical jokes is a perpetual puzzle to staid and steady people. It is a cruel sort of hum or, which finds its keenest pleasure in rendering other people uncomfoi table and unhappy. No matter how much the victim of the joke may suffer, mentally or physically, the professional hoaxer must and will have his joke, and this he will have reckless of all consu quences. A prebent Senator of this State from one of the country districts was the unintentional cause of a divorce He had a triend who was a confirmed joker. They were both lawyers and met at cer tain times of the year in various cities of their judicial distucts when traveling the circu The Senator had often been the vietim of his friend, and waited patiently the opportunity to have his revenge. One day as the Senator entered the din ing room of a hotel in Herkimer County he saw his humorous niend sitting a: a table engageo in cloae conversation with a lady. He advanced to speak to him. The fiiend. seeing him, arose and greet inet him turned to the lady and said: "My dear, this is my friend, Judge of whom you have heard me speak. Judge my wife." The Senator bowed and then stared with surprise. "Your wife?" he inquired in a puzzled tone. "Yes, my wife," replied his friend. "Oh, no," was the Senator's reply. "That will not do. This is not the lad? you introduced as your wife last term at Otsego County. This lady is dark, your wifo is lurht. Oh, no that won't do. None our jokes upon me." ith that he turned away, leaving the .e dumbfounded and angry, and the ofessional joker for once nonplussed le Senator told the story, and every 'here the joker was Jaughed at as the joke was continued. His wife demanded an explanation. He tried to assert that it was but a joke of the Judge's, but the Judge wouldn't say so on the contrary he presisted in his statement, which was confirmed by the other lawyer spresent, ail of whom were now ob aining a revenge. The wife believed not her husband, but his friends, and could not be persuaded out that her husband had been unfaith ful to his marriage vows. The result was jealousy, bickering and quarrelin which eventuated in a divorce. This was severe punishment, and successfully cured the divorced man of practical king It was Lord Norbury ot England who made one of best witicisms ever made from the bench at the expense of the prisoner. It was at the time when rob bery was punished by han-ing He was sentencing to death a thief who had stolen a watch: "You made a grasp at time, my lad, but you clutched eternitv." For a cheeky defense when caught in the act," commend us to this story of a Parisian thief at the steeple-chases, who was caught by a detective with his hand in a lady's pocket. "I am no thief," the pickpocket indignantly protested "I am -iWiiniiiMutinmitiurilm in love with this lady, and was ouly ^-hp ping a note in her pt eker," and he pro duced in proof a love letter hidden in the palm of liis hand. However, the ladj w old and ugly, and forty-two purses were found on the ingenious Frenchman. An American pickpocket, caught on a Third-avenue car with his hand in a gen tleman's watch-pocket, laconically and smilingly said: Excuse me, sir." HOW POLICEMEN HAVE BEEN FOOLED. Nothing probfbly gives more delight to the criminal heart than, by means of some trick, to "get square" with a police man Some few years ago there was an old Constable in Ocean County, N. J., who prided himself greatly on his de portment." He wished to be considered, as he really was, a very polite man. A well-known New York thief being in custody was taken to Court where the po lite old Constable stood guard at the end of the bench in which the criminals had been ushered, and in which there hap pened to be, ut the time, two or three persons who were merely spectators. The New Yoruer saw at a glance the weak ness of the old Constable, and at a mo ment when business was at its height said politely to the officer: "Excuse me, sir, will you allow me to pass? I see my brother, the other witness, at the door. So cooley was this said, and so politely too, that"Jld Deportment," as he was called, did not for a moment doubt that all was right, and that the speaker was one of the spectators. The man who saw his "brother" at the door made for the opening as rapiuly as consistency would permit, and was never seen in those parts again. Some months ago the New York pap ers contained an item about Mr. John Dobbs, probably the smartest bank burg lar in the country, against whom there is a standing reward ot $1,000 for his appre hension. He graduated from Slaughter House Point, corner of Water street and James slip, and every once in a while he visits the Fourth Waid to look ot the scenes of childhood. Mr. Dobbs has a keen sense ol humor, and especially de lights in fooling a policeman. His last effort is something very clever. On this occasion a close carriage, with an elegant team of horses, and a liveried driver, drove through Water street and stopped opposite a liquor saloon. The driver opened the door and a dapper little gen tleman with a heavy mustache, attired in the height of the fashion and wearing kid gloves, stepped out and entered the saloon, where he drank some brandy and soda. An officer who was doing duty in citizens clothes, saw the gentleman enter the saloon, and when he nme out he said: "I beg youi pardon, sir, but I see that you are a gentleman and a stranger, visit ing Water street from curiosity. It is my duty to warn you against entering these places without a police escort, as you may be robbed The gentleman smiled, and shaking hands with the officer, replied: "You have done your duty well, officer, and in a gentlemanly manner. I am ex ceedingly obliged to you, and will take the first opportunity I have to call on your Captain and recommend you for promotion The gentleman then hand ed the officer a fine cigar, bade him "good evening," got into his carriage and was driven away. Quite a good story is told of Officei Badger, of New Haven, Conn. It was past midnight as he was leisurely push ing his beat through Jessop street, and as he came opposite to a jewelry store he observed sleams ot light through the chinks of the shutters, and he rapped on the door. "Is that you, policeman?" ask ed a voice within. "Yes," answered Badger. "Well, it's only meit's all light kind of chilly out, isn't it?" "Yes." "Thought so. I was just fixing the fire good night." "Good night," said Badger, and pursued his way. An hour after ward Badger passed through Jessop street again, and again he saw the light in the iewelry s'ore. It didn't look right, and he banged at the door loudly. "Halloo,'" cried the voice within. "Is it you, policemam?" "Yes." "All right, won't you, come in and warm yourself? It won't hurt any thing for you to slip in from your beat for a few minutes." The door opened and Policeman Badger entered and he found the inmate to be a very gentlemanly looking individual in a linen duster. "Come right up to the stove, policeman. Excuse me for a moment.'' The man took the ash pan from the bot tom ol the stove, and carried it down to the cellar and emptied it, and when he had returned] and wiped his hands he said: "Chilly night, isn't it?" "Yes." "Chilly outside and dull inside, Anoth er smile.J New goods for the spring trade, and have to keep our eyes open. Lonesome work, this, watching at night, but I manage to find a bit of comfort in this. Won't you in me in a tip? You'U find i the pure thing." And the man pro duced a black bottle and a tumbler. Policeman Badger partook, and having wiped his lips and given his fingers an other warming he ieft the store and re sumed his beat, satisfied that all was right at the jewelry store. But the morning brought a new revelation. The store had been robbed during the night of $6,0i worth of watches and jewelry, and, al though Policeman Badger carries in his mind a complet daguerreotype of the robber, the adroit rascal was never found. The only true matches are made by love, and when two people have really lovedreally, from the depths of their very heartsnothing can ever quite Dart them again.Yonkers Gazette. How beautiful! how ta rrue! how tendei! And yet there are hearts that the world vain has tried hearts that have beat as only one heart can thump, hearts that the same ice cream spoon, ss it were, has fed: hearts that have parted forever, because one of the twain didn't appreciate cold mea .---Cammereial Advertiser. Hyp *!#?*%&- i he Poor Whites of tbe South. To form any proper conception cf the condition of the poor white 'rash, oae should see them as they are. It is true that the war. emancipation and the es tablishment of free schools has helped their condition somewhat, but they yet retain many of those characteristics which distinguished them in slavery times. The poor white trash are about the only paupers in the Southern States, and they are very rarely supported by either the state or community in which they reside. They are found nowhere but in the coun try, in hilly and mountainous regions gen erally, in communities by themselves, and far removed from the more refined settle ments. Why it is they always select the hilly and consequently unproductive dis tricts lor their homes is unknown. In the settlements wherein they chiefly reside the poor whites rarely live mere than a mile or two apart. Each householder or head ot a family builds himself a little hut of round logs or pine poles, chinks the places between these with clay mixed with wheaten straw builds at one end a big wooden chimney with a tapering top, all the in terstices being "dobbed" as above puts down a puncheon floor, and a loft of or dinary boards overhead fills the inside of the rude dwelling with a few rickety chairs, a long bench, a dirty bed or two, a spinning-wheel (the loom,if any, is out side under a shed a skillet, an oven, a frying-pan, a triangular cupboaid in one corner and a rack over the door, on which to hang old "Spitfire," the family rifle and both the cabin and furniture are con sidered as complete. The happy owner then "clears" some five acres or so of land immediately surrounding his domicile, and these he pretends to culti vate, planting only corn, pumpkins and a little garden truck. He next builds a rude kennel for his dog or dogs, a primi tive-.ooking stall for his "nag," ditto for Beck, his cow, and a pole hen-house for his poultry. This last he covers over with dirl and weeds, and erects on one side of it a long slim pole, from the upper branches of w'rich dangle gourds for* the martins to builo their nests inmartins being generally regarded as useful to drive off all bloody-minne 1 hawks that look with coo hungry an eye upon the rising generation of dunghills. Being thus prepared for housekeeping, now comes the tug of war. Whatever may be said of the poverty oi the white, of his ignorance and general spiritual degredation, he rarely suffers from hun ger or cold. As a class, indeed, they are much better off than the peasantry of Eu rope, anu many a poor macbanic in your cityto say nothing of the thousands without trade or occupation, wandering through ihe North and Westwould be most happy at any time from December to March to share the cheerful waimth the blazing pine knots which glow upon every poor -nan's hearth in the South as well as to help devour the tat hauches of the nobie old buck whose carcass han^s suspended from one of the beams of the loft overhead, ready at all times to have a slice cut from its sinewy bones and broiled to delicious juiciness upon the glowing coals. Indeed, the only source of trouble to the poor white is the preservation of his yearly "craps" ot corn, that, owing to ths sterileness ol his land and deficient cultivation, some times fail him, running all weeds and grass. But he has no lack of means. Wild hog, deer, wild turkeys, squirrels, rac COOLS, opossumsthese and many more are at his very doors, and he has only to pick up "old Spitfire,"' walk a few miles out to the forest, and return home laden with meat enough to last him a week. Aud should he desire to purchase a little wool for spinning, or cotton ditto, or a little sweet'ning" to put in his coffee or "sassefock" tea, or a few cups and saucers, or powder and shot, salt, meal or other household necessaries, a week's success ful hunting invariably supplies him with enough game to procure the withal for luxuries, which he soon possesses himself of tcom the nearest village or cross roads store. Having obtained what he wants, he hastens back to his barren solitudes his wife and dauguters spin and weave the wool or cotton into such description of cloth as is most in vogue for the time being, while the husband, father, sons and brothers betake tbemselvrs to their former idle habitshunting, beef-shoot iag gander-pulling, marble-playing, and getting drunk. Panics, financial pressure and the like are unknown among them, and about tne only crisis of which they know aay thing is when a poor fel low is called upon to "shuffle off this mortal coil." Money, fact, is almost an unknown commodity in their midst, and whether our currency is goN, green backs or the dollar of the "daddies" con cerns them not. Nearly all of their trafficking is carried on by barter alone. In their currency a cow is considered worth so much, a horse so much, a dog so much, a fat buck so much, a fat tur key so much, a coon-skin so much, etc., and by these values almost everything else is rated. Dollars and dimes they never bother their brains about. The chief characteristic, the crowning emblem of the poor white, however, is laziness. He is the laziest two-legged animal that walks erect on the face of the earth. Even his motions are slow, and his speech a sickening drawl, worse a great deal than the downeastern of all downeastcrs while his thoughts and ideas creep along at a snail's pace. All he seems to care for is to live from hand to mouth, to get drunk, provide he can do so without having to trudge too far for his liquor to shoot for beef to at tend gander-pulliags to vote at elec tions to eat and sleep to lounge in the sunshine of a bright summers day, and bask in the warmth] of a roaring wood-fire when summer days are over. In religion, the poor white is generally of the hard-shell persuasion, and his par Hy il -J -J JJL .xrrziMrzryr feon is of the "whang doodle" order. H^ is also very superstitious, being a firni believer in witches and hobgoblins, haunts and spooks in fortune-telling after the ancient modessuch as palm reading, card cutting, or the revelation of cones-grounds left in the bottom of the cup after the fluid has been drained offG. W. Smalley in Philadelphia Times "My theory, gentlemen, is that I rent rooms on the third floor, and had no gar den for the rain to fall on I" Five men rose up in chorus, brushed off their coat-tails, and followed each oth er into the hall in Indian file. Detroit Free Press. In the Gardens of Kew. A MEMORY OF 1S49. How well I remember tne day that we went! We sailed up the Thames in the Duchess of Kent And we both sat apart from the holiday crew And we landed at last by the Gardens of Kew. And I wore a poke bonnetthey give one th blues, When one looks at them now in an old Lon don News But you said I looked lovelyit mayn't have been true But I liked it, I know, in the Gardens of Kew. And Love spread his glorious glamour around As you told me you'd bees down to Fulham, and found A small house with a lawn and an exquisite view O, it sounded so sweet in the Gardens of Kew. But I doubtedyou kissed me, and bade me be sure That "the gas was laid on and the water was pure" It was foolish perhaps but what could a girl do? I gave .you my heart in the Gardens of Kew. I was only a governess, toiling till dark, And you were an underpaid Government cl^rk But though friends said we'd multiplied sor row by two, The sum total was blissin the Gardens of Kew. How we loitered and dreamed through the mid-summer day! Was grass ever so green, were flowers ever so gay? And a sunset, seraphic as Paradise knew, Streamed its sclendor that night on the Gardens of Kew. Then the mellow moon rippled the flood with its gold, And you put your coat round me for fear I was cold. Though the balmiest zephyrJuly ever blew Sped us blissfully home from the Gardens of Kew. Three months after we took, a poor husband and wife Our joint ticket third class, for the journey of life We've had griefs, but the power of true love pulled us through The love that we sealed in the Gardens of Kew. And sometimes, though now we have wealth and to spare, With a hou- in Hyde Park, and a carriage and pair, As wetake our hebdomadal walk in the "Zoo," I oast a found thought to the Gardens of Kew. Well, taking the years as they've flashed by us fleet, The sweet with the hitter, and bitter with sweet, I don't quite regret it, my darling, do you? Our saunter that day the Gardens of Kew. London World. A Mystified Colonel. This humorous story is from a French paper: The colonel, a rigid martinet, is sitting at the window of his room, when, looking out, he see9 a captain crossing the barrack yard towards the gate. Looking at him closely, he is shocked to observe thrt, the rules and regulations to the con trary notwithstanding, the captain does not cary a sword. "Captain 1" he calls from the window "Hi, captain step up to my room for a moment, will you?" The captain obeys promptly, borrows a sword of the officer of the guard, the guard-room b. ing at the end of the stairs, and presents himself to the colonel in ir reproachable tenue. The colonel is somewhat surprised to see the sword inifc place, and, naving to invent some pretext for calling his subor dinate back, says, with some confusion, "I beg your parden, captain, but really I've forgotten wh it it was I wanted to speak to you about. However, it can't have been anything very important it'll keep. "Good morning." The captain salutes, departs, returns the sword to the owner and is making ofl across the barrack-yard, when he again comes within the range of the colonel's vision. The colonel rubs his eyes, stares, says sofely to himself, "How in the deuce is this? Blame it, be hasn't a sword to his waist 'then calls aloud, "Captain! Ho, captain! one mom nt, please." The captain returns, borrows the sword again, mounts the stairs and enters tne colonel's presence. His commanding officer stares at him intently be has a sword, he sees it, he hears it clank. "Captain," he stammers, growing very hot, "it's deuced ridiculous, you know, butha! ha! I'd just remembered what I wanted to say to youand nowha! ha!it's gone out of my head again. Funny, isn't it? Ha! ha! ha! Losing my memory. Never mind. I'll think of it and write you. Good morning." The captain salutes, departs, returns the sword to the owner and makes for the gate. As he crosses the barrack-yard, the colonel calls his wife to bis side and says, "See that officer out there?" "Yes." "Has he got a sword on?" The colonel's wife adjusts her eye-glass upon him, scans him keenly and says, "He hasn't a taste of a sword. The colonel"That's just where yon fool ourself! He ha*!" A Vermont hotel keeper ha white washed a big cliff in sight of his house, that it may resemble a snow bank, and cause curious people to ask questions. ^***T^^?n$g&^l>gp*pif Ben Franklin's Influence. "See here, old woman," Harry ob served, with his eyes intently fixed on a \Poor Will's Almanac of 1827. Now, what is it?" said Mrs. Archi bald, without removing her hand from. the pie dough. Why, that great and good ...an, Ben jamen Franklin, who writ into this alma nac afore you was born, says: Never argue at home,'" "Of course not. Anv fool might know that." But it's a good idea of him, not withstanding." No, 'taint. I knowed that much afore your old Benjamen Franklin was ever thought of." "Then, why don't you try it on once in a while?" "Try what on?" Not arguing at home,' Who's arguing. I'd like to know." Why. you are." I ain't." "You are." "Iain't you are ain't 'yar ain't 'yar hain't-'yar-hain't-'yar-hain't." "You, Martha, she screamed, "wherc's that poker? What on the face of the airth's the reason everything in the house is out of the road when it can do the most good?" Henry made a break for the door, but she saw the movement, and grabbing up a piece of dough as big as a watermelon she brought It down over his head and gave it a twist a-ound his neck, as though she was putting the finishing touches on an apple dumpling, while Henry, blinded by the involuntary mask, fled across the front room only to fall out of the open window, breaking the eggs he had for breakfast across the sill, and dropping through the open cellar door into the coal pile, where the old woman held him at bay with a soft pumpkin pie, while Martha scrubbed the dough out of his ears and the smut off his nose with the stove brush she had been using up stairs. When Henry got out he confidentially button-holed Oxtoby and remarked, with a cautious look over his shoulder: "I always thought Ben Franklin was & fool, and now I'm convinced of it" Easton (Pa.) Free Press. How a Farmer was swindled. treasure up a tree was seen in the watches of the night by a peddler wha was sleeping in a farm house in the Shen andoah Valley, Va. He told his dreamt to the famer the next morning, and on three successive nights he had the same vision. Then he prevailed upon on the farmer to accompany him to the forest, where he pointed out a large oak tree as the one he had seen in his dream. It was apparently sound at the butt,but about twenty feet up a limb had been broken up. The farmer did not feel like hum oring what he supposed to be a supersti tious whim, but the old fellow seemed to have confidence in his vision, and offered one half of the spoils if be would help him to cut down the tree. When the tree fell theie was a rattle of coin near where the hm1 -fxfht-awp* had been broktn off, and a small hollow was found there. By a little chopping a large cavity was foundd, and within was a large mass of silver. Both seemed wild with deliyht, and on, counting up found that the pile amount ed to $5,000. The peddier expressed his. unwillingness to carry around so much silver in his pocket and inquired where he wouid be likely to get greenbacks for his share. The farmer having consider able money in his house, immediately transferred to the peddler $2 500 in pap er money and took charge of the entire bulk of silver. The peddler diappeared,. and when his partner attempted to pass some of ihe silver, lo 1 it was counterfeit. He was the victim of a gang of coiners. Dicken's child Characters. Much of Dicken's art in painting child characters, generally lies in this ming ling the threads of their fate with the schemes of heartless and villainous peo ple. Oliver Twist may be cited as an other example, He too, is the helpless, innocent chila, exciting one's sympathies, because he is constantly subjected to* heartless and cruel treatment. Mrs. Cor ney, Bubble, Noah Claypole, Fagin, and' Sykes are his tormenters,the black shades which by contrast make him ap pear good and virtuous. Like little Nell, while he is made the sport of harsh cir cumstances, he is himself passively, in stinctly virtuous. Though the central, figure of the story, he, too, is only sketched in outline, while the characters which darken his destiny are fully and dramatically wrought out. In some of his later works the novelist delineates his children with greater fullness never theless, in the main, they are all made to impress oe less by the fullness-of their portraiture than by what one perceives of the creatures who threaten to make their lives wretched. As in Turner's Celebrated picture, the slave-ship occu pies but a slight proportion of the canvas,, which is mainly filled with the mad waves of the sea, so the children of Dick ens are small aerial figures floating amid masses of black cloud painted in to give brilliancy to their whiteness. Al one of the Whitehall Sunday shcools a teacher was instructing her class al out the prophets. She finally put the ques tiof, "Why don't we have the prophets, now?" and asked the boy who could! answer it to hold up his right hand. A little hand of a six-year old boy quickly went up. "Well, my little man, why is* it we do not have prophets nowt" "Be- cause, ma'am, my papa days the times are .v so hard, and so many men have gone in to selling goods, that profits are knocked* higher'n Gilderoy's kite The lad was. immediately presented with a gum-drop, and told to go out and via.?.Whitehall Timet. -Tsj^ j"3 i **%&? ki^mi iifi ..-vM.,lf,i