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Image provided by: State Historical Society of Missouri; Columbia, MO
Newspaper Page Text
I'obllahcd by the students In the School of
Journallam at the University of Missouri
every two year nt to hare something to
EDITOR - .
I. II. BUMPT
T. Roosevelt, W. Hohenxollern, Lloyd Oeorge,
je jvftruufcj-, x-jpa jonre. vie f.manuel,
1IOIIEN WANTS BOX
Member Aim Press Association.
Sworn at circulation ,thls Issue 40,000.
lines to every civilized country on earth and
parts of Germany.
Kntered at Colnmbla as second-class matter,
to be read by first-class people here and
Visitors alumnae, friends and gridiron foes
we welcome yon. Columbia and the Univer
sity evince Joy upon the occasion of your pres
ence anions us. All is yours but a Jayhawk
victory on sucu generosities we draw the Hue.
The city's new water reservoir was rushed to
ompletlon to supply the dozen thirsty Kan
THE WORLD MOVES ON
History records one Instance of a Titer's
limbing a tree. It was during n flood in
Southern Africa. The recording history was
Usiied liefore 191.", when a famous Missouri
Tiger was poled In another Inundation. Since
that time, however. It has been learned that
this graceful animal can swim and the Missouri
Bengals have developed their aquatic powers.
They will. If necessary, make submarine attacks
upon the birds of prey that enter the war zone,
Rynginlze their battle lines or bomb the enemy
from the skies. Woe unto those who, liestlr
the Tiber's wrath today!
The stupendous bargains offered by our ad
vertisers today are commended to tne masses
thronging our streets. You will never have
suh an opportunity to get soaked again; don't
fall to take adtuntage of this one.
Kalaer May Prevent
It Is Humored.
By .Alert Press Ass'n.
FLASII As the Ex
tra goes to press word
has reached us that
Kaiser Wilhelm, his
medals clinking to
gether against his
great iron shirt, hast
ened to the cable of
fice to engage a box for
the Mg game on llol
11ns Field. The Kais
er will make the
flight in his new Zep
Jplin, Czar Nicbphis
the 23. and will at
tempt to land on Rol
ling Field Just as the
Tiger attempts to cross
the Jaybawker's goal.
Ellis Moscow and bis
assistants have been
appointed to take
charge of the Kaiser
upon his arrival. He
will be given a look
at the Kansas football
team and it Is believed
this will be bad
enough to frighten him
An autolst was ob
served this morning
driving slowly down
Broadway beside the
Journalism float lis
tening for a rattle In
Because the drafted
men digging In the
trenches in camp are
"needed" so much th
officers call them j
We Till be better
prepared to do
Fred and All
A Rolling Ball Gathers Us the
Don't be mo.,b.ck. Tale , cue fr0B
Mooche's Pool Emporium
Who beat the Jawhawks
A score in time saves the game.
Eiery Tiger has his day as well as every dog.
Sin-cess, comes to those who win.
He who scores most sores best.
The race Is for the fleetest and It's the exist-em-e
of the "lightest" now.
"They shall not piss," says Ham. "for If
they do Verdun.
WE MAKE THE
SO WE GIVE
THE NO. STORE
To Carve That Jayhawk
Fine tinhorn and pan
handled carving icti.
A fly twater free with
each Iawnmower pur
chated this month only.
Bloomin Hardware Co.
Truth Is stranger than fiction In this Issue
of the Mlssourlan. In fact, the editor fears
this Is the only truthful column In the publl
iitlon. The reporting staff acts bewildered In
the presence of the censor, whose unexpected
iirrlval today spread havoc among our ranks
and caused the wildest tales to pass as facts.
(With apologies to Mr. Creel.)
Should the Jayhawkers execute a flank move
ment by an apparent attack on the Tleer left
wing, but In renlltv direct their salient against
the center of the Tiger sector by "passing the
buck" to the right-end plunger, the attempt
would be camoutlagical In nature, but perfectly
fair In the firing line, according to Interna
tional as well as national rules. The Missouri
leavy artillery would Immediately open fire on
ibis point, checking the drive toward the field
base, thus enabling the Royal Bengals to ad
vance lehlnd a constant barrage curtain until
the neighborhood of the enemy lines are
reached, when grenade throwing may take
place before the hand-to-hand fighting occurs.
A Jayhawk assuming the dignity and appear
since of an Old Crow Is another form of camouflage.
That Foodless Meal
Show your patriotism and utter disregard lor
life by eating at the
"Common Food Uncommon Prices"
M. U. rad
Made cicluaively for diacriuinitioiaadio.
The Thanksgiving Blend Turkey
Bones and Jayhawk Featien tn
Jude for yoiinelf Compare then to Hompt.v
Justices of the peace live largely on love
pro and con.
"The Kollege Kiddo"
Wat it a hot show? Well it weren't
Who it the? Well we didn't love
"tfeleJj walked! You can 't kit 'em vara ytu
can't see 'em"
Columbia Dramatic Klub
we sell. It is
our volume of
sales that make