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B. H. ADAKS, Pabllaha,
A E03IANCE OF THE DAY.
TI1EL, think of
the step that yon
yJ about to take
-QJT , ' -ra before you break
on mis engnge
ment and perhaps
min both of onr
"George, it makes me very unhappy;
"but I never, never caa marry a man
"who rides a Duster." ,
n "And so you will let a wheel come
between as. That shall never be,
. Ethel; for sooner will I give up all my
- "hopes of inheriting my uncle's estate,
' which I have valued for your sake only.
Tea, I will give it up."
"And that most not be, George. ' If
you displease him yon not only throw
to the winds a large fortune, hut yon
- are left penniless. Then what wonld
we live on? So; there is no alterna
tive. All is over between us."
-Ethel, think. Here is old Uncle
Heuhen, with one foot in the grave, a
devotee of the Duster wheel, and I
. must ride a Duster. . Be says that no
xtephew of his shall risk his life and
' ' limb on a Whizzer. And you you
will not ride with me unless 1 use a
Ethel Wheeler was silent. At length
she replied: "George, -"1 will never
marry a man who rides anything but
a Whizzer. No person of sense would
vide any other machine. And as to
"that foolish old Mr. Tires, he has no
iright to insist that you ride a horrid
-Duster. Come, George, try and "
Van Spoke shook his head and gazed
out over the sunlit sound. There was
silence, save for the humming of the
"bees in the vines that shaded the broad
He arose to his feet, and looking
earnestly at the fair girl who was re
clining among the cushions of the
great chair, he said, slowly: "Ethel
Wheeling, you have let a machine, a
mere machine, come between us. For
tune has decreed that 1 must ride a
Duster. All bonds between us are
broken. May you forget it; but
He turned away and strode rapidly
"toward the end of the veranda, where
he had left his bicycle.
The girl buried her face among the
cushions and groaned: "I will never,
sever use any wheel bnt a Whizzer."
For a moment she wept; then shere
1 covered herself and would hare called
After him but he was far out of hear
ing, spinning down the driveway out
-of the park.
As Van Spoke pedaled rapidly along
the smooth road that skirted the
aound, his heart seemed to him to be
jesting almost on the saddle of his
wheel, so heavy was it. His, lie felt,
-was a hard fate, for he loved Kthel
"Wheeling with his whole soul, and
mow it was all over between them.
She would not marry another for some
years at least. He was confident that
it would be a long time before she re
covered from the effects of their sep
aration. Then his uncle could not last much
longer. If she would only wait for
He heard a pling-pling and looked
up. Coming swiftly toward him was
another wheel, the rider of which
bad his chin almost resting on the
handle bar as he forced his machine
long. Van Spoke caught sight of his
face as he passed and was so unstrung
"that his wheel wiggled violently and
"then threw him headlong on the grassy
"bank at the roadside.
"Charley Spockett," he groaned,
- '"and on a brand-new Whizzer. Oh,
lEthel! Ethel! heartless woman!"
He rose to his knees and gazed down
"the road jnst in time to see his rival
wing round a turn into the lane that
led to Wheeling's place. Aching in
every joint, in heart- and in mind,
cursing himself and Sprockett and his
venerable uncle, he clambered once
.more onto his machine and rode away
toward home. , j
Wearily he worked up the hill on the
crow of which stood the J ires house.
-A groom was just leading away his
uncle's bicycle as he reached the door
way. He threw himself from his ma
chine, turned it over to the man and
-went In search of his patron. He
.found him seated in a cool corner of
"the porch puffing vigorously and fan
Reuben Tires was a handsome old
TOU HATS LET MERE WHEEL COM
nan, apparently about eighty years.
A long whit beard and hair that fell
thick on hit broad shoulders gave him
venerable appearance, which seemed
'rather out of keeping with the brown
- jrolf suit in which he was attired. - For
forty years he had been a widower and
childless. George Van Spoke, his only
mister's son, was the comfort of his old
age, and to him he Intended to leave
the vast fortune which be had mad
-on tit stock market, Tho world knew
this, and many; wise 'mothers had
looked on. Van Spoke as not only suita
ble but as a most desirable parti for
their marriageable daughters.
As George approached his uncle the
old man greeted him kindly. . "Well,"
he cried, "so you have been out for
spin, too. I have just got back from a
run over to Springer's a good twelve-
mile run. Cooling off a little; then for
aeold plunge. , .
Van Spoke threw himself into
chair and for some moments vouch
safed no reply. Then he laid one hand
gently on his uncle's knee and said:
"Uncle, you have been almost a father
to me, and I want you to know how
deeply I appre "
"Come, come, George, don't get senti
mental now," interrupted Mr. Tires.
1m not feeling that way by any
means. Old Springer and I have ar
ranged a meeting at last. I rode over
there to-day with our neighbor. Miss
fellows, ftow, don t look concerned,
It's nothing serious, I assure you. She
and I were children together, and sim
ply went out for a little spin. Hut
I was saying "
"Uncle Reuben, I have something
concerning which I wish to"
"Just wait until 1 tell you about
this affair. We went to Springer's and
succeeded in arranging a meeting for
to-morrow. You know I have been
trying to fix it for years, and we had
trouble over the handicap. We settled
all that. Road race two miles to
morrowone hundred dollars a side.
give him a minute's start on me, as he
is five years older than L Pray what
do you think of your old uncle now?"
Mr. Tires clapped his nephew gayly
on the shoulder and then threw him
self back in his chair and laughed long
"Uncle," began George, "I want to
marry Ethel Wheeling, as I have told
you before. I have come again to ask
Reuben Tires at once became seri
ous. He leaned forward and replied
My bov, you know what I have al
ready told you. I can have no
nephew of mine tying himself for life
to a light-headed creature who rides a
Whizzer. I can have no heir of mine
daily risking his life and limb for the
sake of a woman. What does she say?
Has she consented to give up her
V an Spoke sadly shook his head and
replied: "No, she has not: she says
that she will not marry, to live in
constant fear of being widowed. She
will not have a husband who, as she
puts it, is so lacking in mind as to ride
a Duster. , Uncle Reuben, I love you
like a father, but Ethel is all the
world to me; withdraw your hard con
"Enough!" cried the ' old man.
springing to his feet, his face flushed
with anger. "The impudent woman!
I tell you, George Von Spoke, it has
long been my desire to leave my
fortune to found the Tires Home for
Crippled Wheelmen a lasting monu
ment to my memory, to my benefi
cence. On your account alone have I
given up this, the darling project of
my olu age. Go; marry the woman if
you will; marry her and not a cent of
money will you get 1 will cut off your
very allowance. Choose, choose for
Mr. Tires turned upon his heel and
strode into the house, leaving Ueorge
Van Spoke choking with grief and
Van Spoke thought of suicide. But
that would not win him Ethel. He
thought of giving up his fortune and
marrying herj penniless as he was.
But she would not have him under such
conditions. Torn by conflicting emo
tions, raze and grief, love and hate,
wild envy of Sprockett, mad condemna
tion of self, he buried his head in his
hands and wept. Several hours passed,
but still he lay there hopelessly down
cast. The eveuing shadows fell, the
darkness came, the crickets and the
frogs began their melancholy chorus,
the butler announced dinner, but to it
all he was oblivious.
- Then suddenly, as comes the flash of
the lighthouse lamp across the stormy
deep to the belated seaman, came an
idea. The race of to-morrow! It was
as though the sun had suddenly ap
peared ia the heavens and dispelled
the darkness. The blackness of de
spair was gone. JKthel would be his.
And Uncle Reuben pshaw! He had
stood many a harder falL The deep
gutter was the place that would serve
him right at the foot of the long
slope leading to the head of Barnacle
The moon was sinking low in the west
and the earth was wrapped in dark
ness. The great house, unconscious of
the danger which threatened its mas
ter, lay silent in sleep when George
Van Spoke silently crept from his
chamber and made his way to the
room in the distant part of the house
where the bicycles were kept.
By- the light of the dark lantern
which he carried he succeeded in pick
ing out his uncles favorite wheel,
which be rolled to the middle of the
room. He drew from one pocket a fine
short file, from another a small ball of
putty and from a third a little can of
black paint which he opened with his
knife. All was in readiness. Before
him lay the machine which his uncle
was to ride.
Three cuts on the frame work, a lit
tle putty and a little paint, and it
would never stand the straia to be
placed upon it on the morrow. A
vision of Ethel Wheeling - flashed
through Van Spoke's mind, of Ethel
riding at his side, and he bent over
and scratched the paint with his file.
The noise jarred his nerves and a cold
chill crept through his veins.
He saw his uncle, who had cared for
him since his boyhood, lying bleeding,
perhaps dead, among the wreckage of
his Duster, in the bottom of the gut
ter. ' A struggle raged within him. On
one hand was Ethel 'and happiness,
but gained by treachery. On the other
a long, dull, hollow life, but untainted
by dishonor. . His better self con
quered. He rose, wheeled the bicycle
back to its place and crept back to his
; The occurrences of the previous day
bad been blotted from the memory of
Reuben Tires when he greeted his
nephew on the following morning and
cheerily bade him prepare to accom
pany him to the scene of the great
race, since he wished his dear George
to witness his triumph over the bla
tant Springer. Van Spoke obeyed the
command. By ten o'clock the two
were spinning to the scene of the con
They reached the starting point at
Speckled Trout inn some minutes be
fore the time agreed upon. The other
contestant, with anuinberof his grand
children, was already on the ground.
as were several neighbors, who were
to act as referees and officers. The con
ditions were amicably settled two
miles straightaway, . on a bet of one
hundred dollars; the older of the rac
ers to have a minute start
A boy arrived to announce that the
judges were at their post at the end of
the course. All was in readiness.
George held his uncle's sweater when
the time came for the old man to go to
the mark. The signal was given and
away went Mr. Springer., his venera
ble head bent Ion over the handle bar,
hidden from view by his back.
which was raised like the hemp of
cameL A minute.' Then off shot Reu
ben Tires, his eyes fixed on the ground
just ahead, every muscle and nerve
strained for the trial to come.
The others followed, pedaling their
fastest to keep the racers in view. Van
Spoke took the lead, and soon left them
far behind. With beating heart he spun
along, striving to keep in sight of his
uncle. He could see his red jersey
plainly. Tires was gaining. Then the
old man disappeared over the brow of
a little hilL Harder and harder Van
Spoke pedaled on.
They were in view again, spinning
along the level stretch below die
They were abreast now,, tire to tire.
putting forth superhuman efforts.
Slowly but surely the red jersey was
going ahead of the blue and white. A
thrill of family pride shot through Van
Spoke; for his uncle was leading by
two lengths, when the contestants dis
appeared over the brow of the next hilL
Tires was leading; Tires wonld win,
In the elation of the moment George
forgot his treacherous scheme of the
night before. Then it came back to
him with the thought of what might
have been. But all was well. His uncle
was on a peerless Duster. With light
ened heart the younir man pedaled on.
striving to be in sight of the finish, just
beyond the next bill.
1 ast and furious he flew up the long
incline, over the brow. He looked
ahead. There was the blue and white.
alone, ju.it crossing the finish line.
And at the foot of the long slope he
saw a girl's figure bending over some
thing. He sped on and in a moment
was at the fateful gutter. Bleeding
and unconscious, his limbs entangled
in the wreck of his wheel, lay Reuben
Tires. Bending over him, untwistincr
the spokes from his legs, was Ethel
Wheeling. Her Whizzer was leaning
against the fence. .
Again the evening shadows envel
oped the great Tires mansion. Again
the frogs sent forth their discordant
melody. In obedience to a summons,
George Van Spoke stole softly to his
uncle's room and seated himself on a
low stool by his bedside. He kept back
the tears with a powerful effort and
reached forth and gently grasped the
bunch of bandages that enfolded the
injured man's hand.
"Cheer up, George, said the old
man, feebly. 1 he doctor says 111 pull
through all right, though I was pretty
nearly done for."
Van Spoke buried his head in the
covers and sobbed.
'"Cheer up," continued the old man.
'Tm all right It wouldn't have been
so bad if I'd won, though. I was lead
ing, pulling right away from him, had
him all puffed out Then I came to
that confounded ditch. . I'd crossed it
many a time before. - My machine
seemed to disappear from beneath me.
That's all I remember. It was the
wheel did it That Duster. I'd
have won on a Whizzer. He rode a
Whizzer. George, destroy your Duster.
And the girl? Where is she? Ah!
She is a knowing one."
Then his mind began to wander. He
imagined that he was riding, and
reached out his hands to grasp the
handle bar. " -
Van Spoke left him thus, mounted his
bicycle and a few moments later had
reached the home of Ethel Wheeling.
He heard a low murmur of voices, and
for a mon.ent stood silently behind the
vines that covered the veranda, listen
ing. He recognized Sprockett's voice.
"Miss Wheeling," he called, gently.
Ethel arose and came toward him.
"What!" she said, making vain ef
forts to conceal her pleasure. "Mr.
Van Spoke. - Mr. Sprockett, here is Mr.
Sprockett from the darkness made an
inaudible reply. Van Spoke whispered
"Ethel, I can ride a Whizzer.'
And Sprockett heard a repetition oi
soft chirps which caused him to steal
away unseen and - unheard. & Y.
. m in, AH I
.i i., i ii ttxii-: 'ap-am. -aaava
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.
Since 1S50, in Armenia, 800,000 per
sons have become Catholics, and six
teen dioceses have been erected there.
- At Oxford this year 1ST candidates
presented themselves for honors in
classics, .the i largest number on
record: there were 97 candidates for
honors in modern history. ;
; The Aquarians, an early Christian
sect took their same from the fact
that they insisted that wine should
not be used in the sacrament of the
Lord's supper and substituted water
lor it. ; '. :. :
In Wales before the great revivals
of the last century crime abounded.
Since that time Presbyterian and Non
conformist counties of Wales are freer
from crime than any other county in
England. ' ;
The late Edward A. Hunter, of
Philadelphia, left about (-100,000 1o be
used, after the death of his wife and
daughter, for the free treatment of
surgical cases in the hospital of the
university of Pennsylvania. . ,
One of the smallest denominations
in this country reported to the enu
merators of the eleventh census is the
Reformed Presbyterian (Covenanter.
It ha four societies, one church, three
oalls and thirty-seven members.
' Marseilles wishes to have a uni
versity of its own like Lyons and Bor
deaux, and suggests that the faculty
of letters at Aix, near by, be trans
ferred to it, as at Aix there are but
three students outside of those hold
ing state scholarships.
Sig. Ansaldi, a student, blind from
birth, graduated recently with high
honor from the Florence Istitnto de
Studi Superlori. the school for post
graduate university work. His thesis
on "Compensations in the Senses of
the Blind" was declared by the exam
iners to be an important contribution
of new material to physiological psy
chology. Dr. D. K. Pearsons, of Chicago, has
given not less than $2,000,000 to west
ern educational institutions. Beloit
college has received $300,000, Knox
$50,000, and the Chicago theological
school $90,000. To Whitman college.
of Walla Walla, Wash., and Berea col
lege, Kentucky, $50,000 each was given
upon condition that the friends of the
school would raise an additional $150,
000 within a specified time.
Representatives of persons who
have died in the odor of sanctity and
of their actions and works may be
placed on the walls or on stained glass
in Catholic churches, by a recent de
cree of the congregation of Rites, pro
vided there be no mark of worship or
attribute of sanctity connected with
them. Pictures only of persons beat
ified or canonized can be placed on
the altars or represented with the
Kena has recently bad an experi
ence not common among German uni
versities. The four little Saxon
duchies to which the university be
longs Weimar. Coburg, Meiningen
and Altenbarg are unable to support
it and there was danger that it would
be closed, when the old students and
their friends sent in donations large
enough to assure the continuance of
the old university, which is one of the
most pleasant in summer in Germany.
A lady in St Andrew, Jamaica, has
been excommunicated by her vicar un
der extraordinary circumstances. Slie
had lost a locket and chain at church.
and after two years found the verger's
daughter wearing them; she sent a
lawyer to demand her property, and it
was returned at once. The vicar there
upon insisted that she should apologize
to the verger, and refused to admit her
to communion until she did. She went
to another church.
GENEVA'S GREAT FOUNTAIN.
It Stands at the Kntranee of Ita Port and
Is Three Hundred taet High.
The fountain that the municipality
of Geneva, Switzerland, has recently
established at the entrance of the port
of that city is certainly the largest
fountain that exists upon the surface
of the globe, since it is no less than
three hundred feet in height It may
be seen from a great distance, in clear
weather, detaching itself like a great
white sail flapping through the effect
of the wind.
The city of Geneva possess a most
complete distribution of water under
pressure, the motive power for which
is obtained from an artificial fall es
tablished upon the Rhone at the point
of the lake. The water for domestic:
purposes and for the running of cer
tain motors is raised to the height oi
two hundred and fifteen feet above
the level of the lake. For the
distribution of motive force it is raised
to a height of four hundred and sixty
feet The reservoir is an open air one,
and is situated upon the top of Bessin
gers, at a distance of three miles from
the turbine building. A -very ingenious
regulator, invented by Mr. Turrettini,
assures the uniformity of pressure in
the piping. '.'.-'
The length of the first pipe line is
about forty miles and that of the sec
ond about sixty. It is with this latter
that the fountain conduit is connected.
The latter is set in play only on San
days. It is sometimes set in operation
also on week days, in the evening. In
stead of a single jet of great height.
several are then utilized that do not
rise so high. . Powerful electric light
projectors, placed in a structure near
by. brightly illuminate them with their
rays of varied colors, which transform
them into a luminous fountain of the
moat beautiful aspect Boston Herald.
The nove list, Pierre Z ceo ne, whose
death at Morlaix, in his seventy-ninth
year, has been reported, was the son oi
an Italian officer in Napoleon's army,
and was born at DouaL He was one
of those feuilletonists of whom nobody
ever spoke, though his name was con
stantly at the ends of feuilletons, and
he made far more money than any illus
trious author. He could, at a few
hours notice, begin a serial novel and
furnish the exact quantity of words,
wanted day by day.
A CHINESE CITY.
Carloa Sights mt the Oddly-Bedeeked
Qniusah lies at the end of a spur of
the famed Grand canal, which is, next
to the great wall, the noblest work of
the Chinese. Pagodas are not common
in China. - Ton do not see one in every
day of travel, so I remember that one
ia on the lone mountain thatdominatea
the approach to the city. The outside
town, such as lies by every gate to
every city, is a place where a painter
could spend a year to better advantage
than in most painters' resorts in south
ern Europe. Rows of white walla,
heavily roofed with black tiles.
lace ue water. The - corners
of all roofs are - turned up.
and . some have . double corners.
A few - roofs, no less pict
uresque, are of gray thatch, and a few
walls are black or gray or blue, or
even dark red. Fancy the gorgeous
ness of. the scene, with the people
crowding there in new blues and faded
blues! Bamboo balconies posh out to
the water s edge, and carry idle women
and men, in pretty clothes, looking at
us. Hie open shops disclose work
men making shoesor coffins or cook
ing the wonderful beau curd founda
tion of a hundred dishes. As the heart
of the place is reached it becomes
picturesque beyond description. Hi
stone walls shut in the water, and on
these rise houses of white staff, with
cumbrous jet roo(s,and the most ornate.
the most fanciful windows, oaned with
glossy inside scales of oyster shells.
Stone steps lead down to the water.
and each bears a woman washing
clothes or rinsing lacquered wooden
pots. Sunflowers and pumpkin vines
in bloom peep over the walls of the
houses, and beside the walls of the
stream are innumerable boats,' tied to
carved dragons' beads, crabs, grotesque
laces and pretty carvings of many sorts
cut in the granite. At all the door
ways are tali and often handsome men
in long silk coats and silken half-
breeches bound tight around their
ankles. At the windows are the
round-faced, full-lipped women. - On
and op we ' float And presently we
discover the ' long, low walls of
Quinsan, made ever famous by
the valor of Gen. Gordon. Under the
interminable low walls of what we
call Roman brick are plantations of
sunflowers, and then more white and
black houses. They face another jum
ble of boats of every fashion, from the
stately cargo and chop boats to the
rows oi slender express boats, waiting.
like omnibuses, for passengers for
Soo-Cbow and Shanghai. The dyers
shops hang out long strips of blue
cloth; a bridge is draped with colored
stuffs hung there to dry; an enormous
vermilion banner floats from a boat
that like hundreds beside it, is orange
toned beneath its sheen of Ning-po
varnish. Julian Ralph, in Harper's
A HOPELESS CASE.
rba Straggle to Rax a Lord and What Be
came of It.
"My daughter," said Mrs. de Billion
to her cross-eyed, pancake-faced, but
nve-mulion-dollared pride and hope.
"I have been a little worried of late
for fear that yon have not " exerted
yourself to make an impression upon
bis lordship as I wished you to da"
'I assure you. I have done every
thing, mamma, bat it is hopeless."
'Have you intimated the ahem!
extent of your prospective dot?"
"lea, and even stretched it half a
million, bat it was nogo.;
"ion assured luui that your ances
try was of noble origin, although a
few of the intermediate links in the
paternal chain picked rags?"
"I told mm all, sparing him the rag
"But that s where we got the dust
uarimg. uon t lorget that Did you
give him a sample of your French and
Hottentot and run through your Var-
sar repertoire of cocktailian accom
plishments?" ''Indeed, I did: but he yawned over
the whole matter. It was exasperate
"Well, I should say so. Do you al
ways prefer to sit out the waltzes?"
"Invariably.but evidently that game
has been worked on him before."
'Have you tried struggling in the
surf and calling for succor when he's
Yes; bnt I soon found that he
"I declare, matters are getting des
perate. Have you encouraged hlir
mildly in any of his small vices?"
"He doesn't seem to have any."
"And adored his 'virtues?" - '
"He's got even less of them."
"Hasn't he any fads or weaknessesr"
"None, save getting into debt"
"Has he the science of getting out
I judge not, by the money-loaners'
agents that are following him up."
Ah, it is our only salvation. Buv
up the money-loaners; then we shall
own him body and aouL No more
scheming.no more lying a wake "nights,
no more subterfuge. Well simply buy
up the mortgages and foreclose, un
less of course, he is wise enough to
er" ' '
"Glorious! Ab, who says that money
doesn't rule the world?" N. Y. World.
"Don't you find it rather lonely
here?" asked Cbolly, with nobody to
talk tor - -
Yes," she replied, with a vacant
look ' into space, "and it's getting
worse every minute. Waahingtou
Jiot to Blaara.
Nodd I don't believe my son will
ever earn his own living. -
Todd That's not his fault
Nodd Why isn't it? ,
Todd Didn't yon aay he was a grad
uate of a business college? Puck.
"Ob," she said," "your conduct Ja
enough to make an angel wee p!. " f
"I don t see you shedding any
h retorted, and his tact saved it
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.
-M. Georges Patinot, editor and
part proprietor of thn Journal dea
Da bats, died recently ia Paris; he mar
ried into the newspaper, his wife be
ing Mile. Berlin, daughter of one of
the founders. He had been employed
la the administrative service, and, aa
chef de cabinet of Leon Renault.
Thiers prefect of police, arrested
Jerome Napoleon ia 1873.
The Bookman says that Lawrence
Hat ton. In writing an article for Har
per's Weekly on the recent library
consolidation in New York city, found
in his final proof a very glowing sen
tence descriptive of "Mr. Lenox vest
button." His copy read: "Mr. Lenox
vast bequest" In the May number of
the Bookman Ibsen's portrait bore tha
Vmtnil 'Th. Mulm hnt intelli
gent compositor, apparently with aa
eye to the hand-mirror Into which Ib
sen ia gazing, very nearly sent the pic
ture to press described aa "Tha.
Prominent magazine editors and
publishers eomplaln that there is no
one in America who can "interview" in
the correct manner. When they want
a "celebrity at home" article they
have to go without it because "no
American can give the right touch.
One publisher quotes an English inter
view with Da Alaurier by R. H. Sberard
as perfect It seems to the sreneral
reader that our magazines teem with
pretty good interviews, while as for the
usual English Interview it is stilted,
ungraceful, egotistic as to the inter
viewer, and angular. . .
Eugenie Murger, a cousin of Henri
Murger. whose bust was recently set
up in the Luxemburg ararden. has been
discovered singing in the Paris streets
for a living. Her father was aslnver
of popular sonzs. which he accom
panied on a hurdy-gurdy, and one of
the founders of the Concert des Ambas
sadeurs in the Champs Elysees. During
the sixties and seventies she was a poo- '
ular chansonette singer in the cafes
chantants, and, she says, sang in New
i or It. bhe sank gradually to provin-'
cial and garrison town cafes, and then
to the streets. Now she is profiting by
the new craze for street singers and
An amusing story is told of Saint
Fox, the French poet Like many
other students, aspiring to the gifts of
this classic art he forgot to pay his
debts. His creditors were larger lit
proportion than the checks received
for his poems. Ere long he found him
self in a precarious condition. But
somehow he managed to evade all
creditors through the exertion of his
caustic wit One day he sat in the
barber's chair with his face lathered
and ready to be shaved. Suddenly a
creditor approached him and in sten
torian tone demanded the payment of
a bilL "Won't von wait till T mt a.
shave?" inquired the poet In utmost
civility. "Certainly," replied the oth
er, pleased at the prospect of collect
ing some money. Saint-Folx made the
barber a witness to the agreement
then calmly wiped the lather from his
face. He wore a beard to his dying
Love Grown Cold. She (reproach
fully) "You said yon would die f or
me." He (stiffly) "I was referring to
my whiskers, madam." Detroit Free
The "bicycle face 1 all rlrht.
If farther comment is permissible;
If ruddy, and healthy, and bright.
And sometimes pretty sad kinxable.
Kansas City JourbaL
Walter's mamma was very sick
nth rheumatism, and he was rubbinir
her arms, when she said: "Walter, it
ia too bad that mamma is such a trou
ble to you.", Walter replied cheerfully':
'Never mind, mamma, if you are only
ust alive, we don't care how much
you suffer." Youth's Companion.
"And the presents?" He waited
for the reply with bated breath. -
"Harold," she replied, placing a tiny.
hand on each shoulder and gazing soul
fully into his eyes, "there are only
three duplicates." "Great Scott!" he
gasped; "I was figuring on twenty at
least to selL How shall we get through
the year?" Then they both realized.
as never before, that marriage is slot-
tery. Boston Herald.
In the summer baby was err
busy supervising everything that went .
. . . t . i .
on a . me ium. Alter awniie son
pushed away her chair at supper one
afternoon, declaring that she did ' not
want any more milk. "Why not dear?"
asked mamma gently. "Because."
said baby, with an air of superiority.
I know all about it now; milk ia
nothing but chewed grass." Crypt
The Musical Courier tells this
anecdote about Joachim and a London
barber: "The great violinist la sai.-t
to have once visited a barber in that
city to get his hair cut He la in the
habit of wearing it rather long be
hind, and intimated as much to the
barber, whereupon that individual
promptly reolied: 'I wouldn't wear it
. l : I ,,,
Itw iujaM?ri u VUH uu, jon IX iOOK
ust like one a' them flddlln' chaps.'"
Professor of Music "How are yoa -
coming on,, old friend? Are you still
giving French lessons?" Professor ot
Languages "Yes, I cive French lea-
sous when 1 ve got nothing to da"
"How does It pay?" "I have different .
prices for the lessons. For some I
charge fifty cents a lesson and for
others five dollars a lesson." "Five
dollars a lessonl That is a steep price
for a French lesson." "Yes: but nobody
takes any of those five-dollar lessons."
"Yon think von nvar aTvtb nf tm
except to the deceased, doyou?" queried .
the lawyer. "That's what I said." an
swered the witness. Now, don't yon
know, as a matter of fact" pursued tha
lawyer, rising and pointing his long .
linger impressively at hint, "that the
deceased had bee a dead for ten year
when these events took psaeef If yon
talked to him at all yon talked to hia
bones. Will yon please lell me how
yon would communicate with a skele
ton?" "I would wire It lr." stiffly ra
joined the witness. Chicago Tribes.