Impossible to be Well
It is impossible to be well, simply impossible, if the
bowels are constipated. You must pay attention to the
laws of nature, or suffer the consequences. Undigested
material, waste products, poisonous substances, must be
removed from the body at least once each day, or there
will be trouble. A sluggish liver is responsible for an
immense amount of suffering and serious disease. Ask
your doctor about Ayer's Pills. He knows why Jhey act
directly on the liver. Trust him. J.C.AytrCo..l.nu)ril.'Mak
TWO SKULLS AT M. 8. U.
Timo-Yoliowml Mnmoriala 01 a Long-
in a little basement room beneath
lite pilnrlpal building of the Univer
sity of Mlaeourl at Columbia li a
Klaaa i'm' containing;, among, queer
ahaped stones and knives widplpe,
two human skuila, Imperfectly pre
eerved. The nurioui freehmen who
r-lroll into thin room by aceldeul
during tii' hours that it i left open
eotnetlmea pause ami iif Hamlet
liki- at the cracked and yellow nranb
"1,11 bet tiiat otte iiniHt i almost
a tbouaand yean old," they will re
mark. Then (hey will alicli, aw
atraok, at the contemplation f ho:
muoh antiquity, ami pass alouic to
aoSBschlns, leaa dapreaainn.
When they are toM the true aftea
f theae ifculla, neither they nor
anyone elae can form any adequate
Idea nf it. oi i them if nailed
tii- Neanderthal skull, ami was
found In a cave In (Jontral Suropa,
The formation in which it waa found ,
lad xTt to declare thai it wan
more tban iiki.issi year eld, Its I
chief peculiarity is a heavy bony J
rMffa above the eyebrowa. The brain
eapaeity la much leaa tban tiiat of I
tlx- hiatorieal man.
An even older skull la that of tin'
man "I Jam, whioh lias alimiHt no
fnrcln-ad. It was fmiml underneath
thirty feel ofeandatone. The brain
Capacity in just half nf I but of a
modern man. Rthnologieta eatlroate
the Bffe nf this ikull at SMOM0 years.
The anthropological tnueeum wai
started four yearn ago by Dr.
tybarlei Bliwood, profeaaor nf so
oiology in tb" unlveralty . It if need
ok a laboratory fm' tin' students of
.Mr Prank Kenamoi f Poplar
I ti ii it nave birth to (.win girls lam
wwaki Thli Ii tin- second pair of
twin girla In tin' family, for three
years ago the f I rut pair arrived.
The Methodists "f Bllteaton are
considering ti e building nf a church
to eoat between 130,006 and 130,000,
ELECTRIC CAR TIME TABLE
Leaves Paralogies for Mat Uivor.
5.52 a, in. I
7:23 " itoreaarai)
7:47 " ..
9:07 " 11:10 "
11:10 " n:js p.
1 2:32 p. m. 2:00 "
2:06 " 3:4s "
3:45 " 5:4" "
4:37 " 1 to Federal) 7:54 "
Leaves Flat Kivcr lor Karniltigtnn,
wkkk tr. suaiiavs
6:47 a at. 7:20 a. ui.
H:25 " lo:oH "
lo:u8 " 11:51 "
11:31 " 1 1 to p. M.
I; SO p. m. 3:10
3:10 " 4:22 "
4:22 " mih '
6:t6 " n:5H "
Between DaLaami and Kermiogtoo,
I.K A V KAIIM1NI.TOK.
At j 2ft a. m , 11:31 a. in., cosaeetiaa
with Iron Mountain train Southbound,
and 1:25 p. 111., Connecting with Iron
Mountain tram Northbound.
Retemiagi leave DeLaaaua at 1 40 a.
01., 12:24 in-! 154 p. ui.
Cars leaving Parmington at 7:23 a. m.
and 4;37 p. in. run to Federal Hill only.
ami a car leave, Pcderal for Partington
week days except Saturday at 5:10 p. lit.
On Saturdays car leaves Federal at 12:05
Mr. Bryan in 1909.
The fight which lfr. Bryan ims made through the Commoner
and on the stump will be continued with gBOOMlllg energy during
tho year 1WM.
Mr. Bryan bus again UHHUtned editorial charge of TIIK COM
MONER and will give this department bis personal attention.
All earnest, patriotic Americans are invited to join him ju u
SMboiaa i'ampahin (ik EDicATi'iN to be Inaugurated through the
ClUlllliauei anil the Democratic proas.
The governtuontal reforms for which Mr. Bryan is laboring am
if vital Importance to the welfare of the people.
He should have the active support of fhoNe who want to see the
government adminiNternd in the interest of the many instead of
Join the niovemont for aggressive action by accepting our
apocial clubbing offer for one year.
The Farmington Times and Commoner, both for $1.50.
All clubbing subscriptions should be made payable to
THE FARMINGTON TIMES FTG. CO.,
REQUISITES FOR THE MINISTRY.
Pastor Mutt Carry Earth's Freshness
to Do Effective Work.
a minister in thaae indoor iry a
needs all the oiieii air he ran be, bor
row or buy OoBBldor a moment.
Through the week his privilege will
rail him Into close anil enrlulnod sick
room - sick rooma of ihe koiiI, moat
of 1 hem, he ean never go, to any Rood
purpoae, unless nil the olaw winds of,
In aven ami healih are tun IotkiI freely
under hit coat He kIiiiII havn tally
to move amoiiK persons whose skies
are perpetually OfSICBSl and gray.
wboee irritabilities aei upon their
friends like Sao, drlaattag rain in
November; he must somewhere have
ohaervad more laaahlae than win
ripen a thousand strawberries, ami an
eviuiess of tamper iliat earthipiakes
M 1 Oct shake. Time and again he will
have to work with people whoae out
look In narrow and 'heir horizon
abort; he must somehow have fatten
11 vision of iMetanee ef far praapaata
and wide advnntureai he must have
Climbed a lull with a ft lend that dial
lengaa, ha must have driven a ramie
through amoklng rapida, he must have
galloped a roung horse aoraaa graaa
aieadnwi H D. Qailattdet in the nm
PRIOR TO DAYS OP COPYRIGHT.
Golden Opportunity That Caiasndrs
Xanthippe Oaeaaadra, Queen Kllr.a
bath and Dido were walking shins the
Styx one afterttOOn Uot long 11:11 and
ihe eouvereatlon between thee em 1 .
neiit ladles turned upon proihery
with tin exception of Caeaaadri bom
of them aaewed la take aiuek stork
"Tag ate the hoaeet truth ,.n. Cas
sandra could ytm really see Into the
future?" asked Dido with n skeptical
smile at the propheteaa.
"I could, honestly." said Caeeaadrn
How far. CaaaleT" qu
" ll the far tliere was.'
1 led Quean
"Humph." said Xanthippe "Could
Ton see as far ahead as Rudvard
"Yep," said Cassandra.
Kipling ten years before
"Then all I've got In
I d read nil
the fall of
Xanthippe tartly. "Is you were an aw
ful fool mil to ropy the sluff down and
piiiili.li It as your own "
A Rural Enoch Arden
"In our little town In a wcatern
state," said llrown. "there waa a half
wltted sort of a fellow named Hill
Wilkes One day Bill took to the rail
road trarks and never reappeared for
about sli years In ihe meantime his
wife, Battle, took in washing and sup
ported ihe family tine day 11111 ram
hark He went around to the kitchen
iloor. softly opened It. sturk In Ida
head and said. lino. Battle.' Petti
turned around from her washliib. 'Te
he.' said Hill. 'I scared ye, didn't I.
Bottle?" Wherever I see bisk nils
band return to his family I think of
Hill's greeting after six yeara' ab
sence Moo. Hct tie. I scared ye
Why and Wherefore.
A minister one dm Found a little
hoy In tears anfl questioned him as to
the rauae of his distress The young
ater replied that : father had pun
ished him for being naughty, and he
waa Bdghty Klart that his mother
hadn't dono It.
"Why do you prefer to have your fa
ther whip you? ' questioned tho min
ister, "la It because he Is less severe
than your mother?"
"No," replied the boy, "but when
he llcka me ma says he's a brute und
alwaya gives me money to buy randy."
DENTAL FORCEPS IN ANTIQUITY.
Proof That They Existed, But No Sps
cimana Are In Existence,
Dr findttoff not lone ago read a pa
per before the Udp7.i1: Medical society
on denial forceps in antiquity, He said
that even before the time of Hippo
era:::: icferenrn to the us.- nf such in
struments are found, but no specimen.,
are met with among the musical Im
plements belonging to classical 1 lines
that have been discovered. This can
only be due to the material of whlrh
tliev well Iliad" I hllke tile 111,1 id
other Oraeeo-Boman surgtcal instm
rnents, whlrh were m arly all of brOBM,
the dental forceps of untiipilty must
have been made of Iron or steel, al
though no medical Urltgr mentions the
fart In the Aristotelian Mc hanlnil
Problems,' however, there Is a pas
saae which, according to it Sudimff.
has hitherto been overlooked. In whlrh
II Is mentioned as a fiimllla. fact that
dental forceps were made of Iron. In
ihe museum at llnmliurx. where there
1 an almost unrivaled rollertlon of
Iron Implements, two steel plated den
nil forceps, one for the upper, the
mher for the lower Jaw-, have been
found That dental forceps ahould
have formed part of the armauientarl
inn of a military surgeon In a remote
outpost shows In what rommon use
the instrument was British Medical
MADE MRS. CULLCN FEEL PROUD
Pat'i Ailment a Grand Large Dlsssae
for a Small Man.
A CUeaga phyaMag seyi t hat he
whs BUM railed 10 visit a slrk man
named ('alien, living In a tenement
.1 unt before the doctor took his d
partus s number of the residents ot
the place dropped In to hear the ver
"Well, m frl'nds." said Mrs. OeBen
with an air of modSSl triumph, "the
docther here snys Pat has an attarkt
of plural pneumonia 'Docther,' says
1 to him. 'ain't you eTaaaeratln' a
trolfle, for. to m way of thlnkln' Pat
Is too shmall a man for thoi -inr.
luieumnnls. I belave. Is all there'd he
room In htm for.'
"Hut the Aaetber stands by hla dei-l
slon Sure, It's a grand, Inrce disease
for BUCb a shmall man as Pat "
And the woman s attitude showed
the ronsrions pride that she fell. II
loatrated fiuniay Bsgsslas
There Is Full Proof of Thla On.
"W'e have lots of RWriOttl 'laat re
quests' from patients who are about to
have operation: pi-rforn.eil," said n
nurse In the women's surglrul wsrd nf
one of ' lie New York hospitals, hut I
thought about the last word had been
said on this sublert on day last
week when one of my patients, before
nolns lo the operating; room, railed
me to her and asked me to write two
postal raids to her husband, so that
she mliiht sign them before the op
eratlon One was to read Mv dear
husband: The operation was at ten
this morning ami i am KettitiK along
fine!' The other one was "My dear
husband: The operation waa at ten
this mornlnx and I am sorry to say I
died. From your loving wife.' "
Th Paul Craze.
"One of the curious things shout
this revlvsl ot the ptisxle craze," re
marked the man Bjfes notices little
things, "Is the fsct that I never have
met a msn or woman who plays with
the rut up pictures nowadays who
knew them as a child. Whenever 1
hnve commented on the superior
beauty and difficulty of the present
day puzzles over the ones I knew as a
little boy the Invariable response has
been: It Is curious, but I never saw
any when I was a child I don't lust
know how my youthful sorlal standing
could have compared with theirs, but
1 do know the old time picture puiBWi
were sold In the best shops In my city
at that time.
The Unreal World of Comfort.
The more plain ami. 'atlsfylni; our
stute appears, the BUMS aw may know
that we are living In an unreal world.
For the real world is not satisfying.
The real world Is full of hrarluK be
wilderments and brutal surprises.
Comfort Is the blessing and the curse
of the lOugllsh. snd of AHu iicans.
With them It Is a loud comfort, a wild
comfort, a acrnamlng and BBpertSg
comfort; but comfort at bottom still
For there Is but an Inch of difference
between the cushioned chambei and
the padded cell. Gilbert K. Chester
An Admirable Profligate.
Hlkealong Henry Wot s happened
to Meaaly Hill an' where did he git
them new shoes T
Plodding Pate Didn't you hear of
mil's windfall? He's got a wife some
where that's sendln' him a dollar a
"Dollar a weak. Hulljr sniuke!
Wot'll he do with Itf
'11111 says he'a goln' to spend eery
cent of It."
"Well, say, what do you think of
that? Ain't lie de wealthy voluptu
The Psrslsn Child's Rao Doll.
Perslsn rhlldren play almost ex
clusively with rag dolls, the clothes ot
which are put on to stay. She misses
the pleasure of th American girl who
dresses and undresses her doll most of
A doll from th Sudan Is cleverly de
scribed as a "ra and a bone and a
bank of hair.' and Sudanese dolls are
characteristically greasy and dirty
would make cold shivers run up the
kid backs of any French doll who aaw
them. Bohemian Magatlaa.
OSCAR L. HAILE & CO.,
Of";-ICR IN PARniNO
TON nEKCANTILE CO,
BUM., N. W. CORNliK
PUBLIC SQUARE. . . .
' ''HONE NO. 219.
Rents and Accounts Collected.
YOU Kltt AlidlAYS FIND
THE LATEST LINE OF
Piece Goods and Samples
BT THE TAIliORIHG ESTABljISHfuENT OF
Prices Right and Good Fit and Satisfaction Guaranteed
Watches, Clocks, Jewelry,
Silver and Plated Ware,
Organs, Musical Instruments,
Sewinp Machines and Attachments.
Watches and Clocks Cleaned and Repaired.
ST. FRANCOIS COUNTY BANK, j
2 Farmington, Mo. 1
General Banking business, Safe and conserva
tive banking methods, Every facility possible for
tbe accommodation of itl patrons. " Time deposits
with interest. 'Excellent facilities for handling
ioreiKn exenange, t we
Accident or other
THUS. H, BTAM, President
R. U. SWUUC, Vice I'res't
t J. R. COVKK, Cashier
I P1SLDIN0 Mccormick,
a Ass't Cashier
ALL KINDS OF CEMETERY WORK
Keep the graves of vour departed loved ones t,
looking bright and cheerful. We can furnish you j
monuments and all kiuds of cemetery work at reason-
able prices. Call or address
FARMINGTON MARBLE WORKS
TETLEY-KLEIN LUMBER COMPANY,
Farmington and Flat River, Mo.
EVERYTHING iu Ihe Lsaiber line Dressed ami finishing
Lumber, Doors, Window Frames, Sash, Bl.ids, Weather- S
boarding, Pine, Cyprus and Washington Cedai Shingles,
Flooring, Studding, Buiiters' Hardwood, and in fact everything
needed by contractors and builders.
We Cd ffllRBnUK'S GASOLINE
KXKXK) OCKKKHjfKKKKKXXH! OKOCK0
That it. what you get when
J. F. PUTTMpcVN,
Latest 1808 Samples Now on Hand.
Ire. Tornado. Plate Glass and Accident
solicit vour business.
THos. H. BTAM.
R. B. SWINK
B. I. MORRIS.
J. M. MORRIS.
W. T. HAIUi.
J. W. KARSCH
s. j. JPBTLBY.
EIEIIES and DEEP WELL PUMPS,
- &('CK0K (irHHXK) VOOOO OOCKKK)
you order your suits from
LOOK PORWAHD TO TO-MO0JROW.
Always There Will Be Time Absolute
ly to Qlv Up Hope.
There will be another night. Tou
nwoke this morning atlll llrod. Your
; work kept you K"ltiR so late and your
hours f;i sleep were ao few. You
were rest lens besides. You tossed till
; almost the dawn, and then lost your
, self a abort hour, und found yourself
, with a siart. and eollected your dazed
, wits Then the Inevitable snapped its'
j w hip, and you harnessed yourself and i
' ROt In the shafts for another day. The
j day looked Ions and teei too long j
j for patience, and too steep fori
j strength; hut you strained at the col-1
lar, and now you are tiiKu'lng along at
the same old gait. Ynu would chunge
the gall ou would speed up H you
could, hut you are still tired! Never
mind, old thill horse, there will be an
other night Maybe to-morrow you
will step lighter, and make more miles
mi thi- ani'li'iit hlKhnay than to-day.
You can mill hoi They can never
calS down hope, nor take It off the
free list. ThoiiRh everythtBg isc goes
up. hope rental as cheap. Do not give
up. nor quit, nor fall ,i-.wn I'xhauati'd
I.lstin there will ! aimther night '
Vim may rest, iinil to iinirrnw may be
yours to 80 lih as you like.
WENT DELIBERATELY TO DEATH.
Circumstances of Csse All PoirtC to
Suicide of Elephant.
An Agra I India) corn-Hpnuden'.
senrta a reniarkatile story concc ruing
what 1" declared 10 lie the deliberate
suicide of an elephant.
The great annual mels or fair at
Batsaar In the northwest provinces Is
held on the hank of the Jumna, which
In I here i rossed liy s bridge of Imats
At the side nf the ilvi r opposite the
fair there Is a slope down which the
elephants bringing vlaltora to the
bridge slide Into the river snd awlm
across A young elephant, making the
trip for the first time, trumpeted an
grily when hla trappings were stripped
from him preparatory to hla swim,
but se.-i iik other elephants crossing
the stream ahead of him he plunged
In and followed
When he reached the opposite
bank, however, he swerved around
and awani hack again The mahout
sought to force hlni around itgnln.
but Without result. -"ml when within a
raid or two of the bank the elephant,
after trumpetiBI again, plunged down
Into the river. .Inst In the nick of
time the mahout was rescued by
means of a long bamboo, but the ele
phunt was drowned, to all apiKjarauct
by his own deliberate act.
That Special Seal.
It used to be that a special sea
was reserved for private correspond
ence, or to secure packages nmoin
friends Nowadays boxes come fron
the florist, wedding gifts nf allver 01
Klasa come tied up In dainty ribboned
boxes, with ends of ribbon sealed
to the box with a wax to match
marked with the private seal of the
This sealing la more than a fad It
Insures both dealer and buyer against
If a package on being opened has
not Its full contents the discrepancy
la up to the store thst sent It out.
with no possibility of shifting the
blame lo servants or messenger boys
An Indefinite Nurlber.
Three year-old Andrew was In s
rather petulant mood, and In order to
restore his customary' good humor his
mother promised him some preserved
strawberries If he would he a good
boy. Calling a servant, ahe said:
"Jennie, please give Andrew about
four at raw-hen lea "
.Iconic proceeded to fulfill the wish
of her mlstresa. and novated ' "t tbe
berries: "One. two, three, four."
"I want five," protested the. child.
"Hut your mother said 'our," sab!
"Mamma said about four," " replied
And he got the fifth.
A Geometrical Fallacy!
The somewhat intoxicated gentle
man was making toward th; door of
his home with much difficulty. Over
and over again he atopped, fixed his
eye carefully on the door in question,
ran his eye solemnly along the dls
tance Intervening between him and It,
nml started afresh, only to find himself
once more tacking from side to side,
like a ship adrift on the ocean.
At last he stopped, thoroughly dis
gusted. "I'd like to know," he soliloquises!,
"wh-what old fooi shald shtralgbt
line's shortes' distance between two
"Well, sir.'' said the old gentleman
Indignantly, "what are you doing
round here again? I thought that dell
cate hint I gave you with my boot Just
I as you left tho front door last night
j would give you lo understand that I
j don't like you won't have you com
"It did," said the young man who
! w" "after" the daughter, as a look of
mingled pain and admiration came
over bis face; "but I thuught I would
come and ask you"
"It you wouldn't like to Join our
football club." Ideas.
Tbe Difficult Public.
"Tour audiences seemed shocked by
"At first," answered the manager,
"but we exyurcated It"
sW-.. SWSiif. I
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