Golden Valley chronicle., November 21, 1907, Image 2

About Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916

Image provided by: State Historical Society of North Dakota

                
VETERAN OF THREE WARS.
A Pioneer of Colorado and Nebraska.
Matthias Campbell, veteran of the
civil war and two Indian wars, and
a pioneer of Colo
rado, now living at
218 East Nebraska
Street, Blair, Neb.,
says: "I had such
pains in my back
for a long time that
I could not turn
in bed, and at times
there was an almost
total stoppage of
the urine. My wife and I have both
used Doan's Kidney Pills for what doc
tors diagnosed as advanced kidney
troubles, and both of us have been
completely cured."
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Mllburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Warning in the Canebrake.
Be good and still, you little bears,
Don't play too far about.
Or the Teddy Man will get you,
If you don't watch out!
DOCTORS ORGANIZE UNION.
Toronto Physicians Fix Higher Scale
of Prices.
Toronto, Ont.—The doctors of this
city west of Yonge street have formed
a un:on under the name "No. 11 Ter
ritorial Division of the College of Phy
sicians and Surgeons." The objects of
the organization are to improve the
condition of the profession against
quacks, establish minimum fees and
amend lodge terms. The lowest fee
for medical examination for fraternal
societies has been fixed at ?2, while
the minimum fee for minor operations
has been fixed at $10, and that for
major operations at $50. For a first
visit to a patient $2 hereafter will be
charged, and $1 for each subsequent
visit, while the fee for night visits will
be doubled, being fixed at $3. The
charge for an office visit has been
made $1, including prescription, while
to give anesthetics $5 will be charged.
Hard to Dawn.
"Why is an old joke called a chest
nut?" asked the very young man.
"Because," answered the home
grown philosopher, "even after it
falls to the ground it takes root and
springs up again."
FREE TO OUR READERS.
Write Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chi
cago, for 48-page Illustrated Eye Book
and if this paper is mentioned they
will send you a Free Bottle Murine for
Your Eyes. Write all about Your Eye
Trouble and their Oculists will advise
as to the proper Application of the
Murine Eye Remedies in Your Special
Case. 1'onr Druggist will tell you that
Murine Cures Eyes. Makes Weak
Eyes Strong. Doesn't Smart. Soothes
Eye Pain. Aids those Wearing
Glasses and Sells for 50c.
Doing Her Best..
"You mean thing," said the one at
bat, "you're just trying to throw that
horrid ball where I can't hit It with
the stick."
But the pitcher pleaded that, though
playing society baseball, she was still
a woman.
ITCHING RASH 18 YEAR8.
Girl's Rash Spread and Grew Worso
Under Specialist's Care—Perfect
Cure by Cuticura Remedies.
"When my daughter was a baby she
had a breaking out behind the ears.
The doctor said that she would out
grow it, and it did get somewhat bet
ter until she was about fifteen years
old, and after that she could get noth
ing that would drive it away. She was
always applying something in the way
®f salves. It troubled her behind the
knees, opposite the elbows, back of
the neck and ears, under the chin, and
then it got on the face. That was
about three years ago. She took treat
ment with a specialist and seemed to
get worse all the time. We were then
advised to try the Cuticura Remedies,
and now I don't see any breaking out.
M. Curley, 11-19 Sixteenth St, Bay
City, Mich., May 20, 1906."
The salt of the earth is not looking
for a chance to lro into the open
wounds of a neighbor.
PATENTS.
List or Patents Issued Last Week to
Northwestern Inventors.
Reported by Lothrop & Johnson,
patent lawyers, 911 Pioneer Press
building, St. Paul. Minn.: Peter A.
Heiming, Kenyon, Minn., elevated car
rier John WilUg, Harris, Minn., plow
Grant E. Snyder, Cooperstown, N. D.,
feed-hopper Franklin Stout, Baltic, S.
D., draft equalizer John W. Impeco
ven, Kidder, S. D., vehicle-coupling
Oscar Kneeland,' Lisbon, N. D„ car
step Herman Gross, Webster, S. D.,
belt-guide.
You cannot tell how high a man's
piety is quoted by the number of pious
quotations he makes.
WE PAY TOP PRICES POK CREAM.
Caah every day. Write for prices and tan.
MILLER ft HOI-MF.S. St. Paul. Minn!
Ask a truthful man for his opinion
and the chances are that he will hand
you something you don't want
"OLD COUNTRY" CEYLON TEA
worth a dollar a lb. sold (or 60c. Write Win.
McMurray. St.Paul. Minn., for free aample-
No heart is emptied of itB venom by
pouring it out at the lips.
SHIP YOVR CREAM
to Crescent Creamery Co.. St. Paul. Minn.
Write to-day for tans and orlcea.
No man ever lost any time by put
ting a curb on his temper.
••GOLD SEAL" OIL CLOTHING.
Best made. If your dealer does not have
the "Gold Seal" apply to Goodyear Rub
ber Co.. St. Paul, Minn.
It takes life's hard grinding to cut
anything like an edge on our lives.
HIGHER CREAM PRICES.
Write ur to-day for particulars and tan.
MILTON DAIRY CO.. St. Paul. Minn.
Folks who sow radishes in religion
always expect to pick watermelons.
Fnir Dorothea, a goodly mayde,
Prom Puritans descended,
In kirtle, cap and kerchief prayed
That famine sore be ended.
Thougl: plump and fair albeit she kept,
£he tired cf frugal living.
So prayed she while the Elders slept,
"Lord, send a true Thanksgiving."
il'.o cunning less. She had no lack
Of gown or ermine tippet.
Of mettled palfrey's pinioned back,
Or pretty fawning whippet.
Hie r-ses in hor saucy cheeks
Are not by famine shrunken,
Ker wholesome appetite bespeaks
The pies of quince or pumpkin.
Before starting he left for his
mother, who was just then acting as
rick nurse to his father, this note of
explanation:
"Ned has gone to catch a turkey for
Loo. It's necessary."
His mother looked quickly into the
wagon and glance at its usual
place told her that her husband's
breech-loading shotgun was gone.
She looked where the horses were
picketed and found one missing. Their
only saddle and bridle were absent,
too. The poor worried mother turned
pale and cried a little, but never said
a word of the missing boy to her sick
husband, and succeeded in quieting
the too curious Loo. But the morning
passed slowly away and there was no
sign of either Ned or the turkey.
At early daybreak the lad had
slipped from his nest of blankets on
the ground beneath the wagon and
struggled out with a determined
heart He had come to the conclusion
that this was one of the "necessary"
occasions on which he was to be al
lowed to leave the trail and prospect,
as It were, on his own account. Loo
was crying for a proper Thanksgiving
dinner he would try to give it to her
in some measure. His father could
not eat that coarse food the white
breast of a fat turkey would tempt
hi3 appetite. There was no doubt this
was a necessary occasion.
Far off on the never-ending plain he
rode on his freeh and willing horse,
the gun resting, both barrels loaded,
on the pommel before him. The chill
of the morning air was speedily soft
ened by the rays of a warm sun. The
boy began to feel the real glory of the
plains as the wind swept past him
and the galloping hoofs of his horse
made music in his ear. His checks
flushed his uncut hair floated behind
him his eyes shone, and he shouted
with the novel delight.
AAfiKSGIVING
l«2l
•r
But he saw
no turkeys. If he had known more
he would have got up at night and
"potted" them from their roosts in
-the branches of the scanty tre'es—un
sportsmanlike, but effective. Now
they were far abroad feeding. Ned
stopped shouting, but he did not halt
in his pursuit. At length his eager eye
noticed a flutter amongst a clump of
tall dead sunflowers and his Wyoming
learning taught him that these birds
were feeding on the fallen sunflower
seeds, but he did not want prairie
chicken he wanted turkey. Once
again he looked and there was a heavy
flutter and movement among the tall
sunflowers. They were turkeys—a
big covey. Shaking with excitement
the boy picketed his horse and crept
on foot near the busy birds. He was
afraid they would hear his heart
thump and take fright, but still he
got nearer and nearer with his finger
on the trigger. Then an old wise
gobbler got alarmed when Ned was
within thirty yards and the covey
started, half-running, half-flying in a
great state of excitement. Ned flred
almost blindly into the midst of them,
both barrels. He saw something
drop and ran to it. Turkey it was, a
whopper, and something was flopping
away among the sunflowers. Ned ran
to that and killed it with a blow of his
gun. Two! He sat down and laughed
gleefully. Then he thoughtfully said:
"Now, if only one could have been a
big mince pie, Loo would have been
happy."
Lost.
Speedily he fastened a bird on each
side of his saddle, and mounted to go
home. But that was easier said than
done. His father had been right when
he had warned him how easy it is to
get lost on the plain. After half an
hour's riding, and recognizing none of
the ground he had galloped over in
the morning, and after doubtfully
studying where his shadow had been,
Too High Now.
"I want to elevate the stage,"
averred Hamlet Fatt.
"You do, hey?" sneered Yorlck
Hamm. "Why, oiMy last night you
were declaring that you are over their
beads as it is."
Up to the Contract.
"I understand that fake foand leader
has promised to have a fine string or
chestra at Easy's entertainment."
"Oh, he'll keep the contract. He'll
string 'em all right."
But ah, her secret you have guessed,
Sharp eyes her tricks discover
For Mistress Dorothea is vexed
To miss her soldier lover.
Who, with Ills bullets, powder, match.
In forests dense is living.
That he the bounding roe may snatch
To make their first Thanksgiving.
Ah. Mistress Dorothea, your face
In smiling beauty painted.
Looks on me from a panel's space-
By P. F. BLACK.
Little Loo had declared that it and where it ought to be now, Ned,
would not be Thanksgiving without a
turkey and her brother had '"swiped,"
which means taken without leave, his
father's gun and started out to get her
one. It was not exactly the place for
buying turkeys, as the family, with
all their worldly possessions, were in
the Indian Territory on their way to
Texas, where Ned had an uncle with
whem they expected to make their
home till their worldly prospects im
proved.
Long, long, have you been sainted.
Hay we, through centuries apart,.
In peace and plenty living.
Voice your petition of the heart,
"Lord, send a true Thanksgiving."
A Hard Won Turkey
with a sinking heart, acknowledged he
didn't know where he was. He rode
to the highest point near him and saw
nothing—nothing but rolling bluff and
hollow. On and on he rode, until he
was miserable. He forgot the glory
of the two fat turkeys, and it was"now
well on in the afternoon.
At last he reached a higher bluff
than any before, and from it he could
see a succession of lower bluffs and
then again a high one behind. He sat
on his horse for some time and then
rode toward the other big bluff, and
so high it was he could not see its
summit even from the hollows, with
the other bluffs between. He rode
along, slowly now. for his horse was
not so fresh, and was in one of the
hollows, when suddenly far in front of
him there came to his ears a strange
sound—the long, ringing notes of a
Dimly the Boy Saw Something Had
Happened and Heard the Indian
Scream With Pain.
I
cavalry bugle. Ned stood In his stir
rups to stare about, plunged all at
once into a high state of excitement.
But his horse: never had that patient
and docile animal behaved in so extra
ordinary a way before. It pricked up
its ears and threw its head back, and
Plunged. Again, across the plains.
soun(led the
bl»od
burning bugle, and
ell at once over the further bluff, came
running men and the sun shone on the
weapons in their hands. The bugle
sounded yet again, and one of the men
waived a sword, and so clear was his
voice when he spoke the words that
Ned distinctly heard them:
"Commence firing!"
Then there was a noisy cracking of
many carbines, and the men came run
ning forward, stopping every now and
then to kneel and fire again. But Ned
knew little more it was all he could
do to hold onto his horse, who, with
one prolonged neigh, had taken the
bit in his teeth, and was charging, ap
parently with the most joyous feel
ings. toward the enticing bugle. Up
one bluff and into the hollow, and up*
another the unwilling boy was carried
&
His Misfortune.
"Dear me, James, can't you put a
little flow and sentiment In yonr
style? You do write such, up and
down love letters."
"But, dearest, I can't help It. I
learned to write by the vertical sys
tem."
Friends No Longer.
Blox—I hear you have been visit
ing friend* in the country."
Knox—" You have^got It wrong. I
was visiting relatives."
directly toward those dangerous puffs
of white smoke, the turkeys flopping
by his sides, and at the top of the
next bluff he nearly fell off hlB horse
from Bheer fright. Coming to meet
him, helter skelter, save who save can,
came a band of Indians In full retreat,
with bullets popping among them
right and left. They were as startled
as was Ned. His white face doubtless
led them to believe that a party of
white men were cutting them off.
Without a shot they turned and fled
right and left utterly scattered—save
one, a huge man- with a huge war bon
net. He was apparently mad with
rage and came swooping down on Ned.
The instinct of self-preservation, rath
er than reason, made the lad raise his
shotgun to his shoulder and fire, al
though no bullet, but mere buckshot
was in his cartridges. Dimly the boy
saw something had happened and
heard the Indian scream with pain,
and again heard the commanding of
ficer's voice shout: "Cease firing!"
The Old Cavalry Horss.
His horse swept on. throurh th
lines of amazed soldiers, and at last,
with every manifestation of delight,
ranged quietly up behind the men. by
the side of the horses, '.eft riderless in
charge of a few soldiers, wjiose com
rades had dismounted to fight on foot.
Ned rolled off his apparently insane
horse, and sat. with tiizzv head, seeing
nothing clearly, until a tall man \v:
a sabre stood In front of hi:n and
looked sternly at the bc.v.
"Who—on—earth are von?" ho said.
"The idea of charging right into the
teeth of our fire."
"Please, sir," said Ned. very nvieh
frightened at the lor'. of the h:c
sr.bre. "I didn't mean t.i. Bal.'y ran
away with me."
The ofBcer broke into a smUo, and
lifted the. boy to his feet, and she:Uhi\1
his sabre.
"It's lucky von were r.ot killod,-" hs
said. "Tell me how is ail canw nlwnt.
Do you know you knocked an Indian
off his pony that one of my men are
bringing prisoner""
"Oh! Please, sir." cried Xid. twn
ing white. "Is he killed? Oh! really
I didn't mean to."
"That's all right my boy. He was
a mischiefmaker in his tribe, and
you've ended our mission for us. A
few wild young braves jumped the re
serve. and we were chasing them
back. Now. he's out of the way. the
others will scatter home and be
quiet. So you see you've earned all
the honors cf the campaign."
"The beggar's sound enough." said
a bright young officer coming up.
"He'll probably be blind, though. He
got that wild shot full in the face."
The, two officers turned to Ned then
and questioned him. and with boyish
innocence he told them all—about
their bardships, his father's sickness,
his mother's weariness and worry,
and little Loo's desire for a Thanks
giving turkey. As he concluded a
smiling sergeant led up Ned's horse.
"It's our old Baldy, sir," he said.
"We had him when the troop was in
Wyoming, and he was condemned and
sold. Here's the U. C. brand on him
yet. He ran, of course, when he heard
the bugle, and ranged alongside like
the veteran he is."
The men crowded round the old
troop horse with many jokes and
caresses, but Ned looked at him in dis
may.
"My turkeys!" he cried.
They were gone, thrown off in that
wild*charge, and Ned broke down and
burst into tears, thinking of poor dis
appointed Loo. But the captain sent
two horsemen over the way the boy
had come, and they brought them
back safely. So that was. all right and
much more, for the young officer, who
was a doctor, had some quinine in his
saddlebags, and showed Ned the way
home in triumph, and there he doc
tored the boy's father and made him
comfortable, so that they got home to
Texas safely.
The dinner that night was very
fashionable, if the time they ate It
counts for anything, for it was 9
o'clock before the turkey was cooked.
"But," said Loo, cuddling gratefully
against Ned, "it iSrguldn't, It couldn't,
have been Thanksgiving day with only
flapjacks. Could it, now?"
Poor Loo.
Thank Him. 4
For pasture lands folded with beauty.
For plenty that burdened the vale,
For the wealth of the teeming abund
ance.
And the promise too royal to fail.
We lift to the Maker our anthems.
But1 none the less cheerily come
To thank Him for .bloom and fruition,
And the happiness crowning the
home.
NED FIRED ALMOST BLINDLY INTO THE MID8T OF THEM.
Live-Saving, Note.
Jimson—"What became of that ""n
who had twenty-seven medal sfor sav
ing people from drowning?"
Dock Worker—"He fell in one day
when he had them all on, and the
weight of 'em sunk him."
Compelled to Go Home.
"The saloons that were in the habit
of remaining open all night will now
close at midnight."
"Guess I'll have to get a latchkey
then."
MnnV
aiI,Ia?r h.e'8
Thanksgiving in the Cabin.
The War Brought a "New Christmas" to the South.
ev^gx, ISH yer new Christmas dat
de white folks done fotcb
ermung we-all aln' lak de
ole Chrlsmu.- wuz. Hit's
pooty good, howsumdever.
'Sides, de ole Chrismus
aln' what'hit uster be."
So said black Aunt Jule, as she sat dip
ping the gravy from the corners of ft big
pun ami pouring it back over the roasting
turkey that she had drawn from the stove
qven to see how it was getting along.
'Thanks-give-up,' dey calls hit," she
continued. "1 'members mighty well de
fas time we-all had dish yer new .Chris
mus. Hit wuz right utter de waugh—do
very nex" fall—wh.cn Marse Jeems brung
yiV uia to he do mlstlss of de o.e Ovahton
place.
"Laws, warn't she pooty, O.o! hut's
mo" she aln' ovnli dat yit. Doan seem
lak she ever Rwlntor, eider. Dat's 'cause
she so goo.l. I allers is hel' out dat ROOII
niss en iventl'niss swinter (.o moiist OJS
heap toads keepin' people pooty, w'en
dey's bawn'd dat way. Kn Ise seed it mek
de homeliss sorter pec pie look lak dere
wuz angels in de.v eyes, sorter winkin' en
twinken' good-nuchered at yer."
It was in a cabin on the Overton plan
tation. in middle Tennessee, beside the
lanks or Duck river, and on the edge of
the great lleld of a famous battle of the
Civil war. There were places in the loss
where boys had dug with their jack
knives to get at the minnie-balls that had
strayed that way. The chimney of the
cabin—that is to say, several feet of it,
at the top—was oi' brick, and .ooked in ieh
newer than the stone part, at the lase.
That top part had been carried away
by a shot from one of Thomas' gun3 dur
ing the light, and, several years after
ward, it ad been repaired with brick.
It was on Thanksgiving morning t:~at
Aunt Jule was taiking and "basting" the
turkey and on a stoo! near by the ancient
mammy sat a falr-hnlred girl of seventeen
whose eyes were so darkly brown that
they were nearly black. The eyes twinkled'
with pleasure, though her look was one
of deov interest, too, as she listened and
wr.tehed.
She was the one daughter of "Marse
John Jeems Ovahton," though she had a
brother who was all Overton, tyid this'
1
Overton
was older, by a" year or two,
than his sister Zona. I-lc had inherited all
the instincts of his Southern father, and
she had received a division of father and
mother, the latter having been a Chicago
gh-1 of N'ew England ancestry.
"Yo' brother Lee. he monstrous lak yo'
pa w'on ee was size er Lee, en I lay he
sin nick no ris' w'en he hit dish yer old
turk right s]ang in de haid wid he rifle."
From the open door Lee Overton sprang
in. and. laughing, said:
"15ut 1 didn't hit it. Mammy Jule. 'Twas
Zena did it. She can outsoot me any
day in the week."
"G'long 'way. You ain come heah tellin'
me Miss Zena ben out dar shoot in' tur
keys?"
"Yes. and what's more, I don't believe
that a man among 'em ail would have got
one if Zena hadn't missed a lot of them,
just to give these poor folks a chance for
a Thanksgiving turkey."
"Who sot up dem turkeys?" queried the
old black dame.
"Why, mamma did, of course," replied
Miss Zena, "and I knew she intended the
turkeys should go to the poor fellows who
were shooting for them, except this one,
and I know she intended that for you."
"Yes'em, but yo' ma ain done sot up no
turkeys fur to be shot fur
"No," Interjected Lee Overton. "Of
course, she didn't set 'em up to be shot
for, but I thought it would be more fun
that way. so I worked that part of the
affair, and I knew Zena would get one for
you and any of the other fellows that
couldn't shoot well enough. So they were
Just as fairly divided and mother Is none
the wiser, while we had a lot of fun. Be
sides, that was the only way I could make
Zena do her best shooting when occasion
demanded."
"Oo, oo!" ejaculated Aunt Jule, I'se
mighty glad yo' ma doan know 'bout dls."
"But she will know," said Miss Zena,
"I am going to tell her. Brother drew me
Into it in self-defense, or
"Something just the same to you," said
Lee. "Well, that will be all right. I've
had the fun and your conscience is clear.
Mother will frown a little, of course, and
then they say it was like father. That
settles everything for me."
"I'se thankful, anyhow," Aunt Jule put
in. "En dish yeah's er Thanks-give-um
turkey. En dat 'minds me whut I gwinter
say. Sedown dar in de cheer, young mar
ster, whilst I tole you whut wuz jis
/inrlnfAK fA!I ««M' alatnU
gwinter tell yo' slstah.'
•Is this a war story?" ungraciously the
young scapegrace asked.
•Brother! Ain't you ashamed?"
"No, suh, dish yer aln' no waugh story.
Hit's sense de waugh."
"All right. Mammy Jule. I was only
Joking. Go on.*'
"Ez I wuz sayin': Wen yo' pa come
back frum up yander, whar he wuz pris'
ner, hit seems lak he waz mo' pris'
ner den he wuz at Camp Dugem—er som
pen. Whut yo' call dat place? He jes'
pintedly kep" de railroad hot fum heah up
norf, tel' one day he comes back fatchin'
yo' ma. En one day—she ain' ben heah
mo' den a monf. neider—wen she com
mence talkin' to yo* pa "bout keenin'
Thanks-give-um. En yo' pa, he up'en
say, 'Wut's we got to be thankful fur"
Ain' de souf all broke up? Ain' we done
sulectrd to de'Yankees? Ain' de planta
tion all toe to pieces? Look at dem ouaw
tahs, all shot loost. Look at dat sto-k
all runnei' off. Look et dat great bi~
oannon-ba.li hole thoo de ell er de house
whut I jis' done got patch, 'lease yon.is
oomin'.' En he runs on lak dat, till 1
thought he was 'stracted.
"Den vo ma up en say, she did: 'En
-you cam think er nuthin* 'tall to be
thankful fur?'
"Nuflin' 'tall,' he say.
"Den she tuck him. by de arm. she did,
en Bhe led him ovah to dat ereat Ion"*
full- lengthf lookln-glass, she did. nn' w'lle
.arm Pee.p,n
£?n
any
Uncle Rastu8—Yls, sah, it am jis es
Ise aald. Dere om nothln' fur me to
be thankful fur.
Parson Prosey—You're mlatak'n*
Rastus. Now, last night I saw you
coming out' of a hen house with a fine
turkey. You should be thankful it
wasn't the owner of that hen house
who saw you.
Pay Thy Vows.
"Offer unto God thanksgiving, and
pay thy vows unto the Most High."—
Neither 8ort of a Bird.
"I'm very thankful I'm not a tur
key," simpered Miss Elder, as Mrs.
8maU's boarders gathered around the
table.
"And no one ever takes you for a
spring chicken," replied Miss Flypp.
Appreciated Kindness.
"Cunnel Blossom am a puffec' gen'
l'man. sah," said Uncle Snowball.
"Ah."
"Yes, sah. He nevah locks up Ms
turkey house de night betoh Thanks
tibtn', aah."
out ,ak
.. Aln yo got nuffln' to be thankful fur?"
En he look down dar at 'er. en he 'low: 'Well. I do reckln' I'se mo' Itlnea
yu$er m?"
Qn
0
a pic'sher in en frame, she say,
at
dis footstool.- En he kiss 'er. he did, smack
in de mouf. Den say 'Laws bress yo' sweet life! Cose I'se got mo'to be thank
ful fur den all the yuther people In Tennessee, i'se got yo', en Thanks-give-um
g068,
"Whar-pun she say *1 wuz'n meanin' me. You Is In de glass, too. We'a mot
bofe on us.'
"Marster Jes' turn heself loose, he did, fum dat on. En Thanks-Kive-um ben
de btgges* day on de plantation fum dat day to ds. W'en you all comes erlane—
fus' you. Marse L«e. den you. Miss Zena—he Jes' go wile, he did. en he
Thanks-Kive-um all ovah de neighborhood. En sense I'se ben too ole to ttav
et de big house en 'ten yo' ma. dey sen's Thanks-give-um down heah to
cabin, en you all wid it. Thank de Lawd."
Cause for Thanka.
an t0 du
The Cat Out of the Bag.
Little Harold—Mamma!
Mamma—Yes, child.
L. H.—Do yeu still think that if I
ate some of that pie in the closet It
would make me sick?
Mamma—I certainly do, dear.
L. H.—But it didn't.
An Exception.
She (gratefully)—Well, everybody
haB something to be thankful for.
He (casually)—Except the turkey
Psalm 1, 14.
Clever Scheme.
"My new play is sufe to wiflVe a
hit," said the popular actress. "It
gives me an opportunity to «"«riar
twenty new gowns."
"My!" exclaimed her friend. "How
many acts?"
"Only four, but In one of them the
scene Is at the dressmaker's."
How Coud He Be?
Gormandize resigned to
"Was
death?"
"No, Indeed. He went off the day
before Thanksgiving."
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acts gently^yet prompt
ly on the bowels, cleanses.:
fne system ej|ectually
assists one overcoming
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permanently. To get its
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Something to Regret.
"Are you happier now that you own
your own home?" asked the solicitous
friend.
"Of course," answered Mr. Meekton,
"there is a proud satisfaction in hav
ing my own place. But occasionally
I can't help longing for the time when
my wife kicked to the landlord for re
pairs instead of coming to me."
Importantto Mothers.
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
Bears the
Signature of(
In Use For Over SO Years.
The Kind You Have Always Bought.
Inhuman Fellow.
"Upon what grounds do you seek a
divorce?" asked the lawyer whom she
had just retained. "Nonsupport, cru
elty, or
"Both," she cried, tearfully "he
would not support my passionate long
ing for a diamond necklace, and if that
isn't cruelty, I'd like to know."
POCTORS IN GRAND JURY NET.
Two indicted in Iowa for Conspiracy
to Force an Independent Physi
cian from a Surgical Case.
Waverly, la.—The Bremner county
gfand jury, which a few weeks ago
Indicted fourteen members of the coun
ty medical association, alleging viola
tion of the anti-trust law, recently re
ported additional indictments against
Dr. W. A. Rohlf and Dr. O. L. Chaffee
on the general ground of conspiracy..
Their alleged offense was of forcing
an independent doctor from a surgi
cal case, in which he as well as pne of
the accused doctors had been em
ployed, after he had refused to sign
the union scale.
They Like Evcitement.
"Do the trusts really want a presi
dent who would let them do exactly
as they pleased?"
"Naw. They wouldn't make no more
money, and they'd have considerable
less fun."
A Rare Accomplishment.
The fairy godmother looked after
Cinderella approvingly, as she went off
with her prince.
"Concerning that slipper episode,"
she remarked to herself, "that girl is
about the only mortal woman I know
who could do the right thing and put
her foot in it at the same time."
Fishing From Car Windows.
Passengers on Southern Paclfia
overland trains are having rare sport
trolling from car windows for fish in
the Saltori sea and good catches have
been made. About midway on the sea
an arroyo extends back into the moun
tains. The track crosses this on a
trestle. The water is fifteen to twen
ty-five feet deep, and it has become a
custom of the dining car porter to
throw scraps overboard from the ta
bles there. Thousands of firch of all
sizes lie in wait for the train and can
be easily seen.
A feVv days ago an irrepressible fish
erman prepared his hook and line, and
as the train slowly thundered over tha
long trestle swung it far out over tha
water. This the fish mistook for their
customary meal, and a voracious carp,
three feet long, seized the bait and
was drawn aboard the Pullman.
8CH00L TEACHERS
Also Have Things to Learn.
"For many years I have used coffeo
and refused to be convinced of its bad
effect upon the human system," writes
a veteran school teacher.
"Ten years ago I was obliged to give
up my much loved work in the public
schools after years of continuous la
bor. I had developed a well defined
ease of chronic coffee poisoning.
"The troubles were constipation,
flutterlngs of the heart, a thumping
in the top of my head and various
parts of my body, twitching of my
limbs, shaking of my head, and, at
times after exertion, a general "gone"
feeling with a toper's desire for very
strong coffee. I was a nervous wreck
for years.
"A short, time ago friends came to
visit us and they brought a package of
PoBtum with them, and urged me to
try it. I was prejudiced because some
years ago I had drunk a cup of weak,
tasteless stuff called Pestum which I
did not like at all.
"This time, however, my friend
made the Postnm according to direc
tions on the package, and it won me.
Suddenly I found myself Improving In
a most decided fashion.
"The odor of boiling coffee no long
er tempts me. I am so greatly bene
fited by Postnm that if I continue to
improve as I am now, I'll begin to
think I have found the Fountain of
Perpetual Youth. This Is no fancy
letter but stubborn facts which I am
glad to make known."
Name given by Postum Co„ Battle
Creek. Mich. Read the book, "The' tfoad
to Welivllle,"
in pkgs. "There's a Rea
son."