The nonpartisan leader. [volume], October 28, 1915, Image 16

About The nonpartisan leader. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1915-1921

Image provided by: State Historical Society of North Dakota

                
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T*S
Tho- Resemblanc*.
The Fat Artist—I designed my house
BO that it would express myself and re
mind my artistic friends of me. Have
yon noticed It?
The Other One—Sure thing! It's a
low, rambling shack, with nothing
much for an upper story.—Exchange.
Chop Susy.
Mrs. SnoUlaerly—l'ou said you were
dlning with the Lees? Are they re
lated to- the Lees of Virginia?
Mr. Pfresell—No'mj.the Hop Lees of
Hongkong.—New York GlobR
JUST KIDS.
An eastern school principal recalls
half a dozen "stock school jokes,"
which he declares are undoubtedly
known to every man or woman past
38. For instance:
The Tennessee, boy who described
a volcano as a "mountain where the
world busts through."
The boy who described a museum
as a "dead circus."
And 'there's a great many donkeys
in the theological gardens.''
A despot is decsribed in histories
as a- "ruler to be feared."
The boy who writes: "My teacher
swatted me with her despot."
'You seem to be better fed than
taught," says the teacher to the fat
boy. "Yes, ma'am," says he, "but you
see I feed myself!"
FOOLED 'Effl ALL.
One Sunday morning a deacon ob
served a boy industriously. fishing.
After the lad had landed several he
appjroached and said: 'My son, it is
very cruel to impale that poor, helpk
less beetle upon that sharp hook."
Said the boy "Oh, say, mister,
this is only an imitation! It ain't
a real bug."
"Bless me!" replied the deason.
'Why I thought it was a real bug."
The boy, lifting a fine string of
fish, said: "So did these suckers."
A RELIC.
"George Washington once dined at
this very table," said the proprietor
of the .wayside inn proudly
'I see," said the guest, "and you
haven't changed the tablecloth since."
—New York World
A dame with eyes like dreams,
Lured on a youh in his 'teens.
She copped all his kale—and then
set sail
ifo, gather
ier^ a^new of ,'Wn$.'' registers.
it a
UP TO HIM
Hubby—Mary, I fear we'll have ts
cut down expenses.
Wlfle—The only points I see where
we can cut down are your cigars,
clothes, clubs, etc.
THIS IS A BUSINESS AGE
She—Want to be my partner?
He—How much capital can you put
tot
GOOD REASON FOR IT.
A certain employer once offered a
prize to the driver who could,-show
the best-groomed horse,"the brightest
tackle, the cleanest stable, and so
forth.
One of the men, Timothy by name,
seemed certain of this prize, for,
after a careful scrutiny, the judge
was about to declare him the winner
when his eye fell on a cobweb in a
dim corner of the mare's stable.
Timothy saw the fudge's face
change and saw the cause of the
change, and spoke up briskly:
"I keep that web there, sir, to
catch the flies. They way they tor
ment the mare is something terrible."
THEIR DESTINATIONS.
A group of workmen were talking
politics, when one of the disputants
turned to a friend who had remained
silent during the argument.
'Ere, Bill," se said, 'wot's your
ojjinion?"
"I ain't a-goin' to say/' said' Bill
doggedly. 'Me and .Hennery Green
thraslied it out once before."
"What did you. arrive at?" asked
the first.
'Well," saii Bill, "Hennery, 'e ar
rjved at the
?orspital
As the Humorous Artists Look at Life
an' I arrived at
the police station.'—Ladies'. Home
Journal.
ALTERED CIRCUMSTANCES.
A young man said to his employer:
"Sir, isn't $10 a week rather low for
this job?"
'Low for it?", the bid man queried.
"Why I started on that very same job
back in 1879 at $5 a week, and to
day I own this business."
"Ah,' :r4kii young man,
'but your employer didn't use cash
You dp." -Xop-Nptch.
W
PfflB
Policeman—How can you be tired
when you are doing nothing?
Beggar—I guesa it's because there
is ao much of it to do.
DRAWING ATTRACTIONS
I
Manager of th Bon-Tons—Got a
pbny ballet ink your show?
Manager of the Blue Belles—No,,
but I've got a Percheron leading worn,
an and a Clydesdale chorus.
NOT TO HIM.
The usual crowd was gathered at
the New York end of the Brooklyn
bridge, waiting for the trolley cars.
An elderly lady, red in the face, flus
tered and fussy, dug her elbows into
convenient ribs, irrespective of own
ers.
A fat man on her left was the
recipient of a particularly vicious jab.
She yelled at him, "Say!"
He winced slightly and moved to
one fe'ide.
She, too, sidestepped and. thumped
him vigorously on the back.
'Say," she persisted, "does it make
any difference Which of these cars I
take to Greenwood cemetery?"
"Not to me, madam," he answered
slipping through an opening in the
crowd.
LAZY.
A tired little boy. sat- on the curb'
with.his chin resting on his hands.
'.'I wish 1 was rich!" he exclaimed.
"What would you do with your
money if you were rich?" asked one
of his playmatesf'^f'fp^ij^ll^ft"^^
:'I'd
buy a gr^at' big ^motor ciar,"
answered the little chapi, "so I could
fly my kite out. of the back of it
without "running my legs
j»mLess^i|^3|fi
"Some men have no hearts," said
the tramp. 'I've been a-tellin' that
feller I am so dead broke that I have
to sleep outdoors. V*
"Dicln't that fetch' h5m?"yasic,ed the
other. .'
"Nawr. He told me he was a-doin*
the same thing and had. to pay the
doctor for tellinV him to cto it."-^
Xhristian Register
A fellow who ate too mudli iTe
Got the colic And started to" die
JDe sent for tlfp Doc
At 11 o'clock,
An£ at^l&ha-Wja* f*0 shj^jj
HAD TO
The Old Man—Did yen over work I*
/our life?
The Beggar—Once.
The Old Man—When was that?
The Beggar—When I waa in jaU.
She—Of course, ,1'na -not as old -aa
Kou think I am..
He-4 hope not—r mefcn -yetr ca*t
be—that 1b—how oldareyeat
WHERE YOU FOUND IT.
The following .episode took place
in a country village in the north of
England. One morning as a school
master was proceeding to his school
he saw a penny lying on the ground.
Picking it up, he placed -the penny
in his pocket, and after the chil
dren had assembled inc the school the
schoolmaster said: "Has any child
lost any money?" After a few mo
ments a small boy in the front of the
class put upt his hand, y''Well,-Robert,
what do you want?" asked- the mas
ter. "Please, sir, I lost a penny,"
replied-the boy. "And where did you
lose your penny, Robert?" inquired
the master. -'.Please, sir,' where you
found it." Robert got the-pennyr
A GOOD DEED.
A boy scout, as of ^course you know,
was supposed to do one good deed
each day.
'Wliat good deed did you perform
today?" asked a. lady of a Liverpool
scout.
"Ohj" said the young h^r6, ""mother
had only enough castor oil for one
dose, so I let my sister take it!" *.
"Wiat
..v
HIS MILD REQUEST*
"My dear," he began mildly.
"Well?" she snapped,
'I don't mind your borrowing my
Panama hat. But when you return
it ptease remove^ the-veil-and the hat
pins. I don't care to -wear such
.equipment, downtown again
VCf
1
CONFUSED
'.Sd
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.NOT SO E/ISY. si
-j,
wag all dem gwines-on at
yo' residence yiste'd'y evenin', Brud-'
-der Mooch? Sounded like a fight uh
twixt a camp meetin' and a cata
mount!"
'Dat? Aw, shucks, sah! Dat was
on'y de gen'leman from de furniture
'stallment sto', c'lectin' his easy pay
mentg.'/^—Judge.
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