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SCANDINAVIAN NEWS Interesting Notes From Across the Ocean. HAPPENINGS IN THE FATHERLAND. Principal Events that Have Occurred Is the Old Countries About the North Sea Within a Week or So Just Past. 8WEDFN. A large passenger steamer ordered by a Russian shipowner as con structed at the Kockum shipyards at Malmo. Th passenger steamers on the great rivers of Russia are as fine as any in the world, and expenditures seemed to be no object in the construc tion and equipment of the boat. I has been named the Isla and will be used in the trade between Russia and Persia. Th job as so well done that the proprietors of the Kockum shipyard expect more orders of the same kind. Capt. G. O. Wallenberg, president of the Swedish-Continental Shipping company proposes to build up the shipping of Sweden by the establish of a bank for the special benefit of shipowners. Capt. Wallen berg is a very reliable authority on commercial affairs, and his plan is treated seriously by the business men of the leading seaports of Sweden. Th field maneuvers which were to have taken place between Kristianstad and Hessleholm may have to be changed to some other place because at locality does not furnish enough water for the use of the army. Eighteen men are engaged in exca vatin the ancient, ruins of Falsterbo in the interest of archaology. Some of the most prominent archologists in the world are superintending the work. Th sawmill of the Gellivare Mining company in Norrland as destroyed by fire. Th property as only par tially insured. The fire as started by a careless cigar smoker. Aug. Lindstrom, a sixty-year-old pilot at Oskarshamn, noticed a seal coming close up to his boat. Unfortu natel he had no firearms at hand, but he thought of some large bullets that he kept in his vest pocket. Wit a strong arm he threw one of these at threw one of these at the seal and the animal as hit so hard between the that he as stunned long enough to be picked up and hauled into the boat. Eigh thousand May bugs have been gathered and killed it in seven par ishes in Southern Sweden. Elin Stal, the wife of Sodermanland, has been chosen wet nurse for Princess Margareta, the infant daughter of Prince Carl and Princess Ingeborg. The receipts of the post office show an increase of 7% per cent in one year. About 150 carpenters at Tranas struck for higher pay. Gen. Bjornstjerna, former minister of foreign affairs, has expressed him self in favor of the Norwegia flag law because it as passed by the prop er body in a proper manner and sanc tioned by the king of Norway. Premier Steen, in his address to the interparliamentary peace conference in Kristiania, mentioned that Alfred Nobel, a Swede, had made the Norwe gia storthung judge of award of the prize for the best essay on peace, and he whole audience arose, out respect for the memory of the great million aire philanthropist. One-half the recruits at the Fristad drill grounds are sick it dipth theria. S. A. Hedin, the liberal riksdagman from from Stockholm, is again im proving and his physician has counter mande his order to have Hedin taken to a hospital. he ravages of splenic fever in Southern Sweden is abating somewhat a to the vigorous sanitary meas ures enforced by the people in the smitten localities. A public meeting of patriots at Halmstad passed vigorous resolutions against the Norwegia flag law. Lieut. F. G. Bergenstrahle and en gineer W. Wallenberg of Stockholm traveled by automobile from Paris to Stralsund on the Baltic sea. NORWAY. A has been mentioned in these col umns, Bentsen and Bjorvig, members of Well man's Arctic expedition, spent most of the winter at Fort McKinley, Franz Land. The agreed that if one of them died the other should keep the dead body in the hut until help-came. Bentsen did die, and Bjor vi slept it his dead body for months Upon the arrival of Well an and the rest of the expedition Bjorvi said that he had managed to keep up his spirits by reciting Ibsen's poetry aloud, is safe to say that Ibsen's poetry is not often put to such use as this. Th body as buried un der a heap of stones, and a few fitting words spoken, presumably by Well man. Th Scandinavian students' conven tion at Mplde was attended by 430 students from the foUr Scandinavian countries. The were enthusiastically in favor of closer connections .among their countries. Hundreds of acres of valuable tim be was destroyed by 'fire in Remso, near Fredrikstad. Several hundred were on guard, but no amount of could put out the fire, everything being so dry. he Norwegia bark Drot, bound from Pensacola to Buenore A res, as wrecked Aug. 15 off the Florida coast. weeks later Mauritz Anderson And Goodmund Thomasen, members of he Crew, were picked up 250 miles so of Charleston. The tell a hor xible tale of cannibalism. Whe these men and a German were the only left on a raft constructed after their ship as wrecked, their hunger could no longer be endured and they •drew as to should be eaten.. he lot fell to the German, fie as killed and he blood sucked out of his in by the survivors Soon after this Anderson lost his reason and attacked his only companion. Thomasen's face, -and breast were bitten in several places, considerable chunks of flesh in torn out. The were taken to a hospital in Charlston. Thomase a native of Stavanger. A horse*«vas taken to the Summi of •Galdhoppiggen July 98. he height of this mountain i» 8,800 feet, and it is the loftiest mountain Scandinavia. he poor animal bad to be assisted by a men at the most dangerous places. Prof. Olaf is dead. Rev. Krogh Toi*n!ng, the greatest living authority on dogmatics in Nor way, has handed in his resignation as pastor of the old Akcr church, in Kristiania. Protracted rains caused a landslide at Volden, Verdalen. About 10,000 square yards of ground as carried info the bed of the Helgaa river. Senator Knut Nelson arrived in Bergen Aug. 10. I is just a little over JW years since he saw Norwa as a boy of six years. Col. Johanne Sejersted as been promoted to the rank of major general of the Kristiansand brigade. is 57 years old and all but one of the male members of his family for 250 years past have been soldiers. Kristiania, Sejpt. 2.—The cabinet has decided to forward a copy of the a for the introduction of a purely Nor-' wegia flag to the Swedish minister of war, Baro von Rappe, in order that he may notify foreign powers. DENMARK. Rev. Martensen-Lassen attended a school teachers' convention which dis cussed, among other subjects, the at tempts made to discredit the historical correctness of certain statements in the Bible. yielded to the spirit of modern criticism sufficiently to admit that "considerable changes would have to be made both in the Bible history and in the means of instruction." Bu he added that "the old apparatuses ought to be retained as long as possi sible."' In the same breath he said, "the teacher ought to make verbal ex planations," Th position of Rev. Martensen-Lassen has been assailed on the ground that he was inconsistent He admitted that the traditional Bible histories ought to be changed recom mended that they be not changed, and finally encouraged the teachers to con tradict the text books on the plea of explaining them. Th most of the speakers at the teachers' national convention ex pressed themselves in favor of com bating intemperance by appealing.t the school children. But no definite plan could be agreed on. The profits of the National bank ex ceeded 8500,000 for the year 1898-99. An agricultural colony for poor chil dren has been dedicated at Raaby, Stevns. The establishment was named Eliezer, and it will accommodate 20 children. The attendance at the teachers' sum mer school in Askov is 150. History, poetry and religion will receive a large share of the attention of the school. Th opening address was made by Dr. F. L. Feilberg, a noted "folklorist," spoke on "The Heart's Longin for Paradise," as mirrored in lore and legend. Herman Baang, the author, is con valescent. Sofus Rasmussen, a noted temper ance lecturer, is losing his eyesight and has already been compelled to withdraw from the field. has de livered about 2,500 lectures in all. Th much discussed war against he rats in the Danish capital was opened Aug. 3. Th bodies of the fallen ene mies are delivered at the public fire stations. Out of a total population of 322,000 in South Jylland about 150,000 speak German, the rest Danish. Bu this German is strongly mixed with Danish words. Kulturkamp—A girl recently wrote her name as follows in the directory of the Gothenburg historical museum "Nissine Horluck, Weavin School, Graasten, South Jvlland." A couple of days later the words "South Jyl land" were heavily underscored and after them were written "in-Russia." A German paper is positive that the czar affd czarina of Russia will soon be in Denmark and that they will stay three weeks in Copenhagen. Th fire in Vildmosen has been at work about six weeks. FINLAND. A Russian correspondent to the Lon don Daily Mail maintains that the pol icy of Russianizing Finland is not due to any certain plan on the part of the czar. In fact no single man can be picked out as responsible for it. Th momentum of the whole Russian peo ple seems to demand such a policy and those are at the head of the gov ernment have yielded to it. A Finnish agricultural journal has been suppressed. Th obnoxious parts of the paper were a lecture on stock raising by E. Nyberg and an article on the history of the potato! Th waterfalls of Imatra will soon be utilized for manufacturing and lighting purposes. Theodor Hoffding, a Dane, is at the head of a syndicate which is backed by $4,000,000 and which is to build power stations and transmit the power to St. Petersburg. PERSONAL AND PERTINENT. Gov. John Lind, of Minnesota, has a pet kingfisher at his country place. Th bird has been trained to capture fish and lay them at his master's feet. A famous.'man as the late Jame Bradt, of Mendon, Mich, fie gloried in the title of champion pie eater of the state. onee ate ten pies in one hour. William M. Chase, the artist, says the greatest difficulty which the portrait painter has to encounter is to keep his sitter in a natural pose. N man he says, will ever, when being painted, as me one of his own accord. Th present Lord Byron is a man of far more simple manners than his fa mou ancestor. is extremely demo cratic in his tastes, and there is a tradi tion that he smokes is after-dinner cigar in his shirt sleeves. Th terrible scarxm the cheek of Gen. Guy V. Henry was received in the Sioux uprising of 1873. "When I was fighting the Indians," he explains, "I as wound ed and fell from my horse. The savages didn't seem to think much of my scalp, and so they took my cheek." Desiring, at the age of 103, to leave the Methodist denomination for he Baptist, Mrs. Pendergrass, of Oxanva, Ala., as baptized recently. A she as been bedridden for some years, she was carried to and from church, and was immersed sitting in a chair. Th only son of a prize fighter ever amounted to anything, says Vic tor Smith, is Rt. Hon. William Court Gully, speaker of the British house of commons. is father, Joh Gully, a batcher, and afterward a prize fighter, grew rich and as a member of parlia for Pontefrac in 1835. Speaker Gully incidentally receives a salary of $23,000 a year. MINNESOTA NEWS. County vs. state. S Loui county is threatened it a suit by the state and when it comes will raise important questions in a counter claim. A few days ago the county, in sending he state the amount of its apportionment of taxes, took out $17,300.24, the state's share of the county's losses in dead banks. he state has disregarded this and drawn for the full amount, and will sue if it is not paid, which it will not be. Th county will put in a large counter claim on points. he first one is the iron ore tonnage tax, which as declared unconstitutional. Under it the state took half the tax, a the county will sue for the difference between that and at they should have had, one-tenth. Another point is the railroads gross earnings tax. Th county will claim that it should have been apportioned among the counties in which the railroad property is situated, instead of the state's using it, and will sue for its share. Th amounts involved will be several times the state's claim. The Thirteenth. Money to bring the Thirteenth regi men from San Francisco to Minneap olis has been raised and placed in the hands of the proper authorities. A fund of $20,000 is to be raised by Thom as Lowr and the business men of Minneapolis and every cent of this will be expended in provided pleasure for the returned soldiers. A a recent meeting of the committees of the Twi Cities the following agreement was signed: "It is hereby agreed by the joint committees of Minneapolis and St. Paul, appointed to arrange for the reception of the Thirteenth regiment, Minnesota volunteers, on their return from the Philippines that the regi men be given a breakfast at St. Paul upon its arrival in the in Cities and that it shall not be detained in St. Pau to exceed three hours, but in any event the regiment shall leave St. Pau for Minneapolis by 11 o'clock a. m., to be reviewed there by the presi dent of the United States, this being the president's first appearance before the regiment, said review to be fol lowed by a dinner." Instantly Killeed. David W. Burkhelder as instantly killed by falling over the banister on the fourth floor of the Grace hotel in Minneapolis, a distance of fifty feet. Burkholder as a single man about 45 years of age and has lived at the hotel for the past five years. He left the office on the second floor and start ed up the stairs to his room on the fourth floor. Th stairway is an open area from the second to the fourth floors, the stairs being protected by railings. Some a Burkholder lost his balance on the fourth floor landing and fell over the railing. Hi body struck across the railing on the second floor and fell to the floor. Hi left leg as broken in places and his skull was fractured at the base of the brain. as picked up dead. Killed by the Cars. An an as killed by a Minneapolis & St. Louis a freight train near Eden Prairie. She called at the home of S. F. Miller, postmaster, of the village, and asked for a drink of water. She as given the drink of a and then she started down the railroad track. She had gone towards Minneapolis about a mile and a a she reached a long trestle bridge across which as coming the freight. She started to step off the track but as too late, and the engine knocked her down. Her head as badly crush ed, both legs were cut off and her en tire body horribly mangled. Th en gin carried her some forty feet. News In Brief. Th lumber pilers and wheelers at Dulut struck for an increase of wages While George Wilson as exercising his horse on the fair ground at Monte video, he as thrown from his sulky, in to the sudden stumbling of his horse, and seriously injured. will recover. Brakeman Ross Coney, Mountain Lake, had his right leg cut off and his left leg badly lacerated by being run over by a tram. While sons of a farmer named C. U. Christensen, of Riceland, were out hunting- ducks on Rice lake, the younger, a lad 13 years of age, was shot and instantly killed. Th older boy took aim and discharged the just as his brother raised up, receiving the entire charge in his head. Th 10-year-old son of Rudolph Luscher, living near Redwoo Falls, as killed by lightning while in the harvest field. Th university.extension bureau has arranged for a series of lectures at Winona by Prof. George E. Fellow of Chicago on "The Close of the Century." Prof. Fellow occupies the chair of his tory in the Chicago university and the lectures will deal it recent events in American history. A Northern Pacific freight train broke in and several cars were de molished near Clithoral. Te passen gers in the rear coach were shaken up, and I. L. Ferris and G. A. Erickson, traveling men, were somewhat in jured. Miss Belle Austin, of Minneapolis, has. been appointed teacher of the first model school in the Winona state nor mal. Th Mississippi river as higher at Winon a than it has been for several years at the beginning of September. I is 5 feet six inches above low water mark. he Minnesota Elevator company as purchased he Cargill terminal ele vator at Winona. Visitors at Minnehah a park have been 'forbidden to walk under the crest of the fall. children, however, eluded the policeman and were soon traversing the slippery path back of the cataract* A mass of rock weigh in fully a to and a half gave way and all but carried the children into the pool. Knu Logmansf ord, living near Mon tevideo, as killed by in while stacking grain. Thu far 73 cans of minnows bass, croppies, perch, etc., have been shipped from Hasting to the state fish hatch ery, for distribution in the inland lakes throughout the state. Mayor Joh Ludwig, of Winona, lately appointed a of Governor Lind's staff, as presented it a handsome sword in honor of the event. Th sword represents the individual contributions of several hundred citi zens of Winona. A TRICK CAMERA. 0 at W as IMaa-«l«ed aa TVIclcer Uauket a Used to to 8-raph Fortifications. "A traveling photo salesman showed me a very ingenious trick camera the other day," said, a local dealer to the Ne Orleans Times-Democrat. It was a box about six inches square, set in side of what seemed to be an ordinary wicker lunch basket. When de*ired,\ the box could be pushed down through the basket, so that its top was on a level with the wicker bottom. The top of the box was also covered with wick er, and the basket would then appear to be perfectly empty. The camera pro truding meanwhile from the under side. A upward push would restore it to its original position, and the lens worked through a small hole near the end. The contrivance as evidently of foreign manufacture, and the salesman told me it had been made especially for an agent who was sent to take pictures of fortifications on the French frontier. According to his story, which is a A pretty story is told at Vienna about Archduchess Valerie, youngest daugh ter of the emperor. It seems that when traveling the other day from Linz to Vienna she noticed on the platform at Linz a 14-year-old schoolboy crying bit terly. She had the conductor bring the lad to her compartment and, finding that he was proceeding to Vienna to attend his father's funeral, she insisted on his traveling with her, paying the difference in his fare, as he had only a third-class ticket. During the trip he it LIEUT. GEN. SIR FREDERICK WALKER. This gallant British soldier who has just been appointed commander of the Brit ish forces in South Africa enjoys the distinction of being the youngest lieutenant general on the effective list. He Is not yet 51 years old, but has seen service in the Kaffir war of 187S. for which he received the C. B. in the Zulu war of 1879 in the Bechuanaland expedition of 1884-85, and in Egypt from 1890 to 1895. His pro motion to K. C. B. came to him in 1894. He joined the British army in 1862, as an en sign in the Scots guardsmen, and left the regiment a lieutenant colonel in 1886. little romantic, but which I have no reason to doubt, the spy would saunter out, dressed as a tourist, and carrying the lunch basket on his arm. Whe an officer came along he would push down the box and show him that the basket was perfectly empty. It never occurred to the guards to turn the thing upside down or it would have been promptly confiscated. The pres ent owner carries it around as a curio, and it is certainly the oddest little ma chine I ever laid eyes on. As far as I know, it is the only camera in the world that is mounted on a disappear ing carriage." SW*ot' Sympathy A DEWEY TABLET IN BURNT WOOD. Arizona's Burle Cities. A petition is to be presented to con gress at its next session asking that steps be taken to protect against van dals the buried cities of a wonderful prehistoric race in southern Arizona. The ruins of an ancient temple at Casa Grande have been preserved by the cre ation of a government park, and con gress will be asked to create a similar reservation-embracing the best pre served remains of prehistoric cities in the Gila valley. One of the latest tokens of appreciation which' has been prepared for Admiral Dewey Is a decorative tablet, designed by Raphael A. Weed, which has been pur chased by C. C. Shayne, of the New York Dewey reception committee. The tab let .which measures about three by four feet in'sISe is.something unique, the design being burned into prepared and polished white basswood by the application of heated irons, producing an effect of rich brown tones, combined with a slightly modeled surface that suggest wood carving. The picture of the tablet here shown is taken from the New York Sunday Times. devoted herself to the task of comfort in him, telling the boy, among other things, that she too, had suffered from the loss of a fondly loved parent, who had died suddenly in a foreign land. I was only when he boy reached Vienna and as leaving the train that he discovered that the kind lady was Archduchess Valerie.- W JBxported for Spool*. About 10,000,000 feet of birch wood will be sent this year from Maine to England and Scotland for spools. /TURK IN GERMANY. Is Reg-nrded One of the Most Prise Occupations of the People While congress and the several state legislatures have for years been, flood ed with petitions and proposed laws for fhe preservation of the forest trees oi the country, nearly all of them more or less defective, the people of German have solved the problem with very little ado. Germany is an old country. Cen turies ago what we might call its vir gin timber was exhausted and the country found itself with a dense popu lation dependent on a limited area oi land to supply its needs for wood ma terial. What should they do? Should they stint their use in this direction tc a niggardly amount? Should they cal! on the stock of newer countries for their supply? The did neither ol these things. They to work tc develop the resources and capabilities of their own lands. The states and the nobles supported the work. Sci entists labored and managers experi- mented. Forest schools were esta lished to spread through the land the knowledge that had been gained. Finally they piled up a mass of exact in formation about trees and everything related to their life, and established a system of forest management that is one of the finest monuments of the thoroughness, the conservatism and the patience of the German race. And to day the forest stands as one of the prime objects of the people's regard, a source of health, wealth and national independence. OLD FOES WATCH EACH OTHER. Navajos a Mokis Still Keeping- a Guard Thei Ancestor E a lishe SOO Year Ag-o. The Navajos and the Mokis are an cient enemies. The Navajos stalk the plain, wide scattered. The Mokis huddle on the point of a precipitous mesa towering a thousand feet above the red desert. Inch by inch they cowered before their persecutors through a hundred years until at lasi they built ».heir village of to-day on the heights four centuries. Thoug bittei foes, the Navajos peaceably visited the Mokis every alternate year on the day of the mysterious ceremony of tJhe snake dance. Three hundred summers ago, so runs the tradition, a Navajo boy while watch in the dance fell from the brink of the mesa to a mangled death on the tumbled rocks far below. And every second summer since, the visiting Navajos come on to the mesa they stand, in groups, singly, at the spot where the boy fell and gaze down from the heights for hours at a time. Th Mokis believe the Navajos are only waiting a favorable opportunity to pounce upon them and avenge their clansman's death. Decent visitors to the land of the Mokis say that on he day of the dance there is always a red blanketed Navajo on the point of rock gazing stolidly below. Behind on the pile of the village and outlined against the sky is the solitary form of a Moki watching the Navajo intensely. Both were standing the guard their ancestors stood through 300 summers. )NEY LENDER'SFOLLY His Greed In the Scramble or Gold Host in Many Cases Over toppe Itself. The money lender says to himself that if he can make money scarce there will be a scramble for it.Ntnd interest rates will be high. This a of the impelling causes of the gold stand ard. Bu we see exactly the opposite result taking place. The rate of inter est has fallen along with the prices of commodities. There has been no ex ception to the rule and Shy lock is now glad to get four and five per cent, for only a fractional part of his money, when in former times he could readily lend it all at eight, ten and twelve. In the frenzy of his greed he killed the goose that laid the golden eggt and now he sees his yellow hoards stacked up and idle in his vaults because the contraction of the currency has so im poverished industry that men can ap longer afford to pay interest on money to do business with. There is no profit in a declining market, and consequent men stand idle and Shylock grinds his teeth with rage because he cannot lend his money. Still he will not learn sense and do the only thing that will restore prosperity and create a demand for his money. But another and the principal reason for the establishment of the gold stand ard was the certain knowledge that a contracted currency would create pov erty in the prices of property, and Shylock hoped to carry this principle to the extent of possessing himself of all the property of his neighbors. Here again his greed has, in a measure, de feated his purpose, for in many in stances property has depreciated to such an extent that Shylock cannot af ford to pay the taxes and keep up the necessary improvements, and conse quently we see fields rank with weeds, ramshackle and unpainted barns and houses, and fences that no longer pos sess any terrors for wandering stock. Abundant money not only increases prices of property and produce, but it stimulates enterprise, creates an activa demand for cash, brings the whole stock of money into use and raises the rates of interest. It is strange that money lenders cannot and will not see this natural order of things, especially when the facts are spread out under their very noses. Take our Missouri lead mining Klon dike as an instance. The demand for lead brought millions of dollars into the southwestern section of the state. Im mediately prices bean to jump, a mar velous energy was infused into the people of that section, dormant towns and villages became rampant with vig orous life and restless enterprise, and the banks, over whose counters the cob webs had grown, suddenly found them selves unable to meet the demand for money and more money, and with this demand came an increase in the dis count rate to the old war-time basis. The banks are now compelled to re main open both day and night and a portion of each Sunday, in order to meet the requirements of their eager customers. But this is not all. Not only are loans at high rates of inter est easily made, but they are secure, because the borrowers are making money and can readily meet their ob ligations. strange it is that money lenders and those who profess to be adepts .in the science of finance cannot" or will not see this plain law of common sense. If we could only get rid of the curse of the single gold standard, we would soon see conditions like those in the lead mining districts of this state prevailing all over the eountrj-.—Mississippi Valley Democrat. GOLD DEBTS. Single Standard Men Still Claimin Coinag W Driv Out All the Gold. The gold men are still claiming free coinage would drive all the gold out of circulation and bring us to a silver basis. Then those who have promised to pay in gold would be unable to get it except at a high premium, and would be ruined. If there is anything that a gold worshiper will not say in order to fittingly paint the horrors of free coinage, we hope never to hear it or see it in print. We are told that un der free coinage, the great banks and trust companies could pay off their de positors with 60-cent dollars. Still the bankers, as a class, are fairly frantic in their opposition to a measure which they claim is going to give them a profit of 50 cents on each dollar of their enor mou deposits. Their pious souls re volt at the idea. Again it is claimed that those owing debts payable in gold would be ruined because of the high premium they would be compelled to pay for gold, and yet, strange to say, the holders of gold mortgages are wild with fear at the thought of being paid in gold dol lars at a premium, or,, failing to get the gold, be compelled to foreclose and take the mortgaged property at half its value. Their Christian sensibilities are shocked at the thought. Wha nonsense! If the great banks would double their money as a result of free coinage, does anybody doubt that they would jump at the chance? If the holders of gold mortgages would increase their .value by forcing gold to a premium, would they let such an op portunity go by every trick and scheme of manipulation known to finance, a re working to add to their accumulated millions, all the time pretending that they oppose free coin age in the interest of the laboring man., the savings bank depositor, and the down-trodden debtor. I ought to be apparent to any person of usual in telligence that they are looking strictly for themselves that the gold stand ard gives them certain advantages which they might lose under free coin age, and hence their opposition. Like all other claims of the gold standard people, this one involves many assump tions and absurdities. I assumes that several hundred millions of dollars in gold are to be driven out of circulation, making money scarce and at the same time cheaper. I assumes that the United States, the greatest and riches of nations, is going to stop using gold, and still gold becomes dearer and more difficult to get. Nationa a West N York World: Some day soon the. east is going to realise the full meaning of the fact that the center of population in this country is in the state of Indiana and moving toward the Mississippi. 0^^#*^#^^**^*^^K^s»^**s**l**#*^^K^'^*sS**ss'H We've AH Been There By M. QUAD. Copyrighted. B**o^ i^o^^e y^ s* I When the lame and dejected-looking man had finally got a seat in the ear he seemed to feel that some explanation was due the passengers, and he said: "I didn't go down -with a bridge, and I wasn't blown up on a steamboat. I was simply run over by a bicycle." A none of you may have ever come in contact with one of those vehicles it will perhaps interest to—" "Say!" interrupted the man on his right, "you can't tell me anything about it. I was run down about three months ago, and I left my cane at me to-day for the first time. N use to' go on and describe to me I took a jump about seven feet high, and then landed on my ear on the pavement with my legs tied in knots. I've been run over by a butcher cart, but between the two I'll take the cart every time." "And I don't need to be told the sen sations," added the man on the left. "It's only about a month ago that I was crossing the street at night. Along came a ^bicycler without a lamp and he was just humping himself. The wheel didn't seem to hit me in any particu lar spot, but all over. I was knocked into the middle of next week and lay there for half an hour, and I'm feel in sore and lame yet. Of course the man on the bike didn't suffer the least injury. They never do, you know." "I was going along, you know," con tinued the lame man—"I was going along about my business, when—" "Being run over by one bike ain't enough to raise a fuss about," inter rupted a man across the aisle. "It stirred you up some, of course, but you wait until you've been struck by a tan dem going like a cannon ball! Then j'ou'll have a story to tell. I was driv ing out with my wife, and I got out of the buggy to pick up my lost whip. That tandem came smoking around a corner, and as I straightened up with the whip in my hand the heavens and the earth came together with a crash and midnight darkness was upon the land. Two ribs broken, a shoulder dis located and one of my knee-caps frac tured, and my whole body generally bruised. The shock didn't even throw the fellows off the tandem. It just checked 'em for a second, and as they went on one of the would-be murder ers threw a kiss at my wife! Don't go to giving us any vivid yarn about being tun over by a common bike, for it's nothing* to brag about." "I was knocked down by one," re* marked a timid-looking woman. "And so was I," added the big woman **ith a satchel. "And I, too." "And I." In fact there was only one person in the car who hadn't been made a vic tim. He seemed to feel his position, and when everybody looked at him -askance he rose up and bowed and said: "I've been expecting to be run down every day for a year past, but have somehow escaped. However, just be fore I left Texas I had a herd of 800 steers run over me, and as near as 1 can calculate 795 of 'em stepped on «ome portion of my body." Then everybody looked at the lame man ttt sec if he ad anything more to say, but he hadn't, and neither did any one sympathize with him. He an Excuse The woman had been carried a block beyond her corner, and as she finally caught the conductor's attention and got the car stopped she looked at him in a a which twenty mtr^ promptly understood. A dozen hats were raised and a dozen men rose up, but there ia always a leader. In this case he mo tioned the men to sit down and said to the' woman as she slowly descended: "Yes'm, you bet I will! I've got a soft-corn, a sore throat and a headache, and all I wanted was a decent excuse!" "Thank you," she replied. "Not at all, ma'am—happy to accom modate," and he worked his way back to the platform and opened such a flow of cuss-words on the conductor thai after going five blocks further the cur rent grounded and the car came to stand-still. Th Pessimist The pessimist looks in the sky. And If a cloud be there He straightway heaves a doleful su,-n Because it isn't fair. Or if, perchance, no cloud appear. He gravely shakes his head And groans: "Unless it rains, I e*r The crops will soon be dead." —Chicago Times-Herald. NOT HIS FAULT. The Vicar's Daughter—Papa was very shocked, Giles, to see you standing out side the "Green Man" this morning, after church. The Village Beprobate—Oi can 'sure ye, miss, it wus na fault o' moine that I us standin' ootside!—Punch. Th Righ Taelc. "There's the smartest little an that ever took hold of this servant girl problem," said he old gentleman, pointing with pride to his only daugh ter. "How's she going at it "Gettin* up a popular song to idealise dish washin'."—Detroit Free Press. a Par of the Trip. "Papa," asked Willie, "has Mr. Jig gers ever crossed the ocean?" "Never," replied the old gentleman. "WelL how did he get a "Get back! What do you mean "Why, twice I've heard sayysjsVj seen hiss half seas over.* Post.