Willmar tribune. [volume], May 17, 1905, Image 7

About Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
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Milwaukee. \Yis—It has been de
clared that all the world's a stage and
every man as an actor .in the huraau
ilrama ot life plays his part. At the
present moment Milwaukee, the -me
tropolis ot Wisconsin, the great city
un the shores of Lake Michigan, second
only to Chicago its financial and
commercial importance, has slutted its
busy scenes to the center of the stage,
has trotted out in unexpected and
startling manner the star performer in
the person of the president of the First
national bank of the city, and has held
the public of the entire country spell
bound by his amazing manipulation of
the millions of other people's money.
Now you see it and now you don't.
By Way of Contrast.
Yesterday Frank G. Bigelow, head
of Milwaukee's largest flnaucial in
stitution: to-day a self-confessed de
faulter to the amount of millions, no
one seems to know exactly how much,
for each day brings to light some new
trust betrayed, some fresh amount of
loss to add to the startlingly large
total.
Yesterday he was the influential di
rector in a dozen or more different
financial and business concerns to
day they are dropping his name one by
one. and assuring their clientele and
the public that he no longer has any
connection with the business.
Yesterday Banker Bigelow was
pointed out with pride by the people
of Milwaukee as one of their, most
honored and successful financiers to
day as he walks the streets by virtue
of a bail bond, he is pointed out as
the man before whom the black walls
of the grim prison are slowly rearing.
Yesterday he and his family were
among the social leaders of the city,
yesterday their palatial home on As
tor street was the center of Milwau
kee's social life, yesterday one con
sidered himself fortunate to know
Frank G. Bigelow, and to be known of
him but to-day all this has changed.
Social prestige is gone, an honored
name is tarnished, a home is blighted,
the palatial home swept away in the
ruin, and the future made dark by the
certain harvest which always comes
sooner or later from wrongdoing.
Is it any wonder that Milwaukee has
the center of the stage and that the
public has sat spellbound day after
day as slowly but surely the story has
come out of one of the greatest bank
steals of the age? Is it any wonder
that on every hand one hears the ques
tions gasped in amazement: How did
it happen? How could he do it?
Where did the money go to?
Others Involved.
And as we ask the questions we are
reminded that Banker Bigelow is not
the only one who is playing a part in
this startling drama. On the stage
with him there appears at least one
of the bank clerks, Henry G. Goll, as
sistant cashier, who helped to falsify
the accounts to cover the defalcation.
We say he appears on the stage! We
must qualify that statement and say
that figuratively speaking for the pur
poses of this story he appears. But the
lact of the matter is that he has dis
appeared, and the police in every city
in the United States and Canada are
looking for him, and it is not known
how much money disappeared with
him.
Story of the Greatest
Bank Steal of the Age
Looting of First Nation&l Bank of Milwaukee,
by President Frank G. Bigelow.
SPECULATION AND RECKLESS SON BRING RUIN
Man in Whose Hands Had Been Placed Vast Trusts
Proves Faithless and Is Self-Confessed Defaulter
to the Amount of Millions'—May Whea.t
Dea.1 Figures in the Cra.sh.
\&£M?Mim*r/frMfcMm&4fc/iwmtwjum/'/M stow
Disastrous a Wheat Deal.
The May wheat deal, in which it is
said that John W. Gates, the manipu
lator of the attempted corner, did
and did not lose a fortune, figures
a good many million bushels, It ic
thought, in the story of the ban)'J
losses, either by the direct plunging of
Banker Bigelow in his frenzied effort
to make good the millions lost in
Wall street, ot the plunging of his son,
Gordon Bigelow, whose financial back
er he has apparently always been.
The latest story is that Gates got out
of the deal with a whole skin and a
handsome profit to boot, and that the
heavy losses caused by the breaking
of the corner and the dropping of the
price of May wheat from $1.21% to
98ya cents, fell on the tailers whose
holdings in some cases were enormous,
as is evident from the fact that one
line of 700.000 bushels for an outsider
was bought at $1.19, nearly the maxi
mum prtce reached. And it is more
than likely that Bigelow was caught
for a big sum, and it was this loss
which precipitated the exposure. If
John W. Gates made by the deal, there
are those who are firm in the belief
that Bigelow's losses helped to cover
the Gates losses and leave, the latter
a handsome margin. And so the
sensational May wheat corner, which
is a story of fascinating interest by it
self, figures in this drama from Mil
waukee. It is one of the side lights
that throws in fresh coloring and gives
increased, dash to the scene.
The Lessons.
.And then the clerk that uncovered
the steal, the directors that brought
the transgressor face to face with his
crime, the frenzied public which
stormed the doors of the bank to re
cover its money, the flight of Chicago
bankers with millions to the rescue of
the imperiled bank, these all play
their thrilling part in this remarkable
drama. Such it is as it has been
played on the stage of life. Perhaps
some playwright will here catch the
inspiration which will enable him to
present a strong drama, whose lessons
shall be the necessity of honesty and
integrity, the danger of speculation, es
pecially with other people's money, the
certainty of a harvest from the sowing
of wild, reckless and dishonest seeds,
and the absolute truth of the Divine
declaration: "Be sure your sin will
find you out."
Nearly $4,000,000 Losses. ,.
The revised schedules show a total
liability on the part of Mr. Bigelow of
$3,277,000, of which $1,975,000 is wholly
or in part secured. Of the remainder
7o#00//
S/OS/L Oh
$1,110,000 is a secondary liability on
notes and bills discounted, in which
Bigelow figures as indorser. These
items are notes of the National Elec
tric company, the Grand Rapids Edi
son company and S. W. Watkins, and
are evidently connected with the
financing of the National Electric com
pany. The balance, $192,000, repre
sents unsecured loans, the largest one
being an indebtedness of $100,000 to
the Broadhead estate, of which Bige
low was executor.
Schedule Filed by Bigelow.
The schedule of assets and liabilities
filed by Mr. Bigelow is as follows:
First national bank, Milwaukee....11.600 000
Wisconsin national bank. Milwau-
Second Ward' savings'bank,* Mil
waukee
German-American bank, Mllwau-
kee
Marine national bank, Milwaukee.
National City bank. New York....
National bank, of Commerce, New
60.000
75,000
40,000
20,000
60.000
York 60,000
First national bank, Chicago 60,000
National Park bank. New York.... 60.000
National Bank of Commerce, St.
Louis €0,000
Total 11,975,000
Unsecured creditors are as follows:
Broadhead estate 1100,000
Caroline E. James 60,000
Caroline Watkins 24,000
Mrs. Kann (name doubtful) 9,000
E. B. Williams 9,000
Total 1192,000
The table of assets, with the valua
tions placed upon them by Mr. Bigelow
himself, is as follows:
Life insurance policies, face value..$600,000
l.boO shares First national bank stock. 870,000
17.200 shares National Electric stock. 48,000
l,b00 acres of coal land in Colorado,., w,000
6 200 shares in Del Norte company.... 150,000
Shares in Idaho company 35,000
Preferred stock, McKenna Piocess
company, Pittsburg 28,000
Common btock, McKenna Process
company 6,000
Comanche Mining & Smelting stock. 30,000
Chicago Highland association stock. 7,000
Stock in national bank, Atlanta 3,000
Fond du Lac bank stock 1,500
Northwestern Iron company stock.. 10,000
Shares in Zion Furnace company, Ash
landl :. 8,000
Notes of sundry individuals 40,000
Shares Uiand Rapids Edison com
pan 20.000
Camp Real Estate company 80,000
Shaies in Milwaukee iron works.. .. 15,000
2,500 shaies J. L. Gales' l^and com
pan 100.000
Homestead Is Included.
Included in the schedule is Mr. Bige
low's home at Astor and Knapp
streets, on which he places a valua
tion of $40,000, ^hich, less the exemp
tion allowed by law on a homestead, is
valued at $35,000. The schedule of as
sets is as follows:
Fuimtuic 186,000
Hoises 2,000
Caniagc^. 2,009
Books 10,000
House 40,000-
Total $90,000
Methods of the Looters.
Little by little the details of the
manner in which Bigelow and his ac
complices worked are coming out, and
to-day for the first time it was re
vealed how. the steals were discovered.
The first dip into the bank's funds, it
is said, was made only niree months
ago, since which time Frank G. Bige
low has undone the enviable career
he had been SO years in building. The
first false entry was late in January,
on the same day that $200,000 was
sent to a New York depository. The
amount covered by the false entry was
$100,000.
Assistant Cashier Goll and two
bookkeepers, whose names are with
held by the bank-officers, handled the
books in which the reserves were re
corded. This ring was established by
Bigelow with a promise, it is said, of
reward to all connected, All the
funds for reserve were directed by
Bigelow. In the three months, it is es
timated, from casual examination, just
about one-half the amount shown by
the entries was remitted to the de
positories in other cities.
After the first shortage in the re
serve funds, the system became more
complicated. The mails which brought
the regular statements and the ac
counts from the depositories were care
fully watched and held out from the
regular course of business,' and it is
said that Goll now has the package -of
correct statements on his person.
His Business Connections.^
And this man whom reckless specu
lation has led to criminal acts, has
sacrificed wide business connection
and influence, for not only was he
president of the First national bank
of this city, but he was identified with
the:
Bankers' National association.
Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance
company.
National Electric company.
Milwaukee Trust company.
North American company.
Wisconsin Telephone company.
Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce.
Merchants' and Manufacturers' asso
ciation.
Socially he was a member of the:
Milwaukee club,
Town club.
Country club.
Deutscher Athletic club.
Positions He Has Held.
He has been a:
Receiver for the Northern Pacific
railway.
Commissioner of public debt.
President of the Bankers' associa
tion.
Candidate for United States treas
urer.
He has:
Three daughters—Mrs. Bernard Beck
er, Mrs. Arthur N. McGooch and Miss
Elizabeth Bigelow.
Four sons—Gordon, Tom, Garth and
Lester.
His wife is one of the sweetest, most
lovable women of the city. His home
life was ideal, his charities were most
extensive, his personal habits most
exemplary, his love for the highest
and best so marked that he has al
ways been spoken of as a "good man."
How then in five months, with honor
high perched on his name, could he do
what he has done?
The Dramatic Exposure.
Breaking the news of the great bank
looting was attended by dramatic
scenes.
When Charles F. Pflster, the "Duke
of Milwaukee," called his 11 fellow
directors into the secrecy of a room in
his hotel and told them, the financiers
were struck almost speechless and re
fused to believe it. Pflster was the
first director to learn of the defalca
tion.
A minor clerk, whose identity has
thus far been concealed, went to Mr.
Pfister's residence late Friday night.
Pflster had retired and the servants
refused to awaken him, but. the clerk
created such a disturbance that he
finally was awakened.
"Something is wrong at the bank,"
said the clerk, to the millionaire.. "I
have worried about it night and day
for a week. I cannot be silent any
longer." *•'-.'
"Why haven't you told Mr. Bige
low?" inquired the disturbed million
aire, referring to the trusted president.
Somebody Else Should Know.
"Because I believed somebody above
Mr. Bigelow should know," replied the
clerk, significantly.
Questioned by the surprised director,
who thought the matter trivial, the
'clerk said:
"I was told to enter the amounts of
our cash accounts in the Chicago
banks. It was part of my duty. As
sistant Cashier Henry Goll stopped me
and said he would attend to it. Mr.
Goll has taken charge of other work
of mine and changed entries. Mr. Bige
low has turned certain other men on
my work."
On Saturday Pflster personally di
rected a hasty examination of the
books%identified by the suspicious
clerk.
The false entries were quickly ap
parent. Other clerks each declared
President Bigelow responsible.
Staggered by his discovery, PflBter
ran back to the president's office, burst
through the door unannounced, ahd
stood excitedly confronting BigeUm At
his desk.
"Bigelow, You Are a Defaulter.*'
"Bigelow, you are a defaulter!"
Pflster shouted, excitedly.
"Oh, my God," he cried. "I am
ruined, ruined, ruined!"
Bigelow seemed about to faint.
Neither man spoke for several mo
ments.
"I have fallen with the grain mar
ket," said Bigelow, finally.
"How much?" asked Pflster. "Tell
me all."
"One million two hundred thousand,
as well as I know," said Bigelow.
Pflster rushed from the bank to his
hotel and issued hasty messages sum
moning every one of the bank direc
tors to a meeting in his hotel that
night at eight o'clock.
His face twitching with emotion,
Pflster faced the men and announced:
"Gentlemen, a defalcation of over
0R50M 5MITH J.A.FOftGAJN.EAHAMfLL
$1,000,000 has been discovered at our
bank."
"Who is guilty?" was finally asked.
"Frank G. Bigelow," responded
Pflster, impressively.
The directors were literally struck
speechless for a moment. Then sev
eral expressed disbelief, and asked
what proof existed. .,_
"Mr. Bigelow "has confessed to me
himself," declared Pflster. "He says
his shortage is $1,200,000."
A meeting of the directors, with
President Bigelow present, was hastily
arranged. The defaulter seemed re
lieved by the discovery, and appeared
before the directors and calmly spoke
his confession.
Another story has it that William
Bigelow, vice president of the looted
bank, and brother of the defaulter, ex
posed the shortage, although at the
time he suspected other officials of the
bank instead of his brother.
Bankers Save the Day.
When the extent of the defalcation
became known, naturally a run was
started on the bank and to meet the
emergency and restore confidence,
more than $10,000,000 in actual
money was raised within two days to
stop the run of frightened depositors
and save the greatest bank of Milwau
kee from being swept from existence.
The panic was stopped by the. formid
able array of money, but to accomplish
this there was the most remarkable
rapid assembling of cash in decades.
Chicago bankers contributed $1,000,
000 of the total, the metropolitan finan
ciers being first to go to the rescue of
their imperiled brothers of Milwaukee.
Another million was furnished by
the Milwaukee clearing house: In ad
dition the other banks of Milwaukee
called in $2,000,000 of their reserve
funds for emergency purposes:
The 11 directors of the robbed bank
contributed a total of $1,635,000 by per
sonal, pledges from.their.private for
tunes, which aggregated more than
$20,000,000.
Only last September in addressing the
American Bankers' association in the
Waldorf-Astoria, New York city, Bank
er Bigelow, who at that time was
looked upon as one of the lights and
authorities of the banking world, said:
"However much prejudice there may
appear to be at times against bankers,
our business is of the utmost useful
ness and importance and the right pur
suit of it, in its broader and better as
pects, requires all the courage and all
the conservatism we can demand."
Then he recited Robert Louis Stev
enson's prayer:
To be honest, to be kind to earn a little
and to spend a little less to renounce when
that shall be necessary, and not to be em
bittered to keep a few friends, but those
without capitulation above all, on the same
grim condition to keep friends with himself
—here is a task for all that a man has of
fortitude and delicacy.
y.
To-day he stands self-confessed to
having done all that his utterances of
last year forbade.
Then he quoted the old lines:
Our little systems have their day
They have their day and cease to be.
.Now for the Beckoning.
His "system" has had its day and
come to the full light of the law—he
before the bar of Justice at home, a
wet-eyed wife on the streets, dishon
ored friends in the distance, the gates
ajar of a prison.
A Friend's Testimony.
Yet in his darkest hour a friend
writes of him:
"He was a humanitarian of the
broadest type. He has made more
young business men than any man in
the middle west. He loved young men.
He loved children. Never yet have 1
heard of a worthy young man in busi
ness trouble being turned away by
him.
'"His glorious smile would give a
gleam of welcome and hope to the
humblest of those seeking his aid and
with the smile would go the help
needed. It is said here that he has
started a thousand young men in busi
ness and that not one of them has
failed."
Has Sympathy 'of Many.
Then this friend adds:
"The law can have no pity, can
make no exceptions but you who
judge this man, remember the other
side remember that there are thou
sands of us whose hearts are bleediug
for the man we love, for this man who
has stood by us in our hours of trouble
remember this and be charitable."
In the face of such a tribute can the
psychologist answer why from Decem
ber last to April 21 of this year Frank
Bibelow, day after day, connived at the
falsification of the books of his bank,
made an assistant cashier and possibly
MrMmoffam
M/r/irsKa/i/irxw
two bookkeepers criminals, and ont
of these a fugitive from justice,
plundered his institution for nearly
$1,500,000 and then when self-con
fessed says:
"I have no excuse to offer for what
I have done my family knew nothing
of the condition of affairs."
Character Study of the Son.
The friend quoted above says of
Gordon Bigelow, the son:
"As a young man he sowed his wild
oats and he sowed them thick and
plentiful, but though the oats were
wild they were clean, there was no
rust on them. The father's heart bled,
but |t never hardened against his boy
Mayhap, as is the way with hearts, it
softened a bit with the bleeding. As
often as the toy would fall the father
would start him with a clean slate.
He bad done it for other boys. Could
he do less for his own? And the boy
became a man and put his boyish ways
behind him, but he was still masterful,
still the leader of the gang. He took
dips into the stock market and won.
"He invested in manufacturing en
terprises, and won. He bought wheat,
and won. The week before the crash
in Milwaukee they talked of Gordon
Bigelow as a broker who had arrived.
"Through it all the father had
helped him, but he had not guided.
The boy was not that sort. He worked
on his own initiative. The father saw
his successes, his level judgment, his
foresight, his almost intuitive knowl
edge of the game. He loved the boy-—
this boy who had made his heart bleed,
and he was growing proud of him."
Invested in Many Projects.
"Bigelow and his father put their
money into everything that looked as
if it had a chance of success," said a
board of trade man. "They backed one
of the wildest cement enterprises I
ever heard of and I suppose lost
money on it. They handled municipal
contracts, built water works and elec
tric roads. Anybody who heeded
money for one kind of enterprise or
another could go to the Bigelows and
get a start if he could make the slight
est showing."
"WITTENBERG EXPRESS."
Droll Conveyance Bearing That Dig.
nified Name in the Ger
man Town.
Not many years ago, on the high
roads about Wittenburg, in Germany,
travelers frequently met an old woman
trudging slowly along, pushing before
her a light Wheelbarrow loaded with
bundles and parcels, writes Gerrish El
dredge, in "Queer Carriers," in St. Nich
olas. The old woman was at least 60,
but she was so cheerful and uncomplain
ing that the people had no hesitation in
employing her. She had many knick
nacks and parcels to carry to and from
the city, into which, three or four times
a week, she pushed her barrow, which
folks called the "Wittenberg express."
This plucky old woman walked with her
express wheelbarrow at least ten miles
each trip, and her earnings, a small fee
for each parcel, served to support her
self and her two invalid daughters,
who could do only a little sewing. The
old woman would allow no one to pity
her she liked the work, she said, and
was only sorry that as she grew older
she could not make such frequent trips
for her earnings were helping herself
and her children.
Fact About Sunlight
The camera has proved that the
stronger at the seashore and 5,000
times stronger on the sunny side of
a street than in the ordinary shaded
and curtained rooms of a city noma.
The Bad Boy Writes of Ancient and
Modern Highwaymen—He Oets a
Taste of High Life and His Dad
Tells the Story of the
Pickleman's Daughter.
BY HON. GEORGE W. PECK.
(EK-Governor of 'Wisconsin, formeily pub
lisher of "Peck's Sun," author of
"Peck's Bad Boy," etc
Copright, 1904, Joseph B. Bowles)
London, England.—My Dear Old
Skate: Well, if we are going to see any
of the other countries on this side of
the water before our return ticket ex
pires, we have got to be getting a move'
on, and dad saj & in about a week we will
be doing stunts in Paris that will bring
about a revolution, and wind up the re
public of France, and seat some nine
spot on the throne that Napoleon used
to wear out his buckskin pants on.
Dad asked me tother day what I cared
most to see in London, and I told him
I wanted to visit Newgate prison, and
the places made famous by the bold
highwaymen of a century or two ago.
He thought I was daffy, but when I told
him how I had read "Claude Duval' 'and.
"Sixteen-String Jack" and all the high
way literature, in the haymow, when dad
thought I was weeding the garden, he
confessed that he used to hunt those
yellow covered books out of the manger
when I was not reading them, and that
he had read them all himself, when I
thought he was studying for his cam
paign speeches, and so Tie said he wouid
go with me. So we visited Homestead
Heath, where Claude Duval used to ride
"Black Bess," and hold up people who
traveled at night in post chaises, and wc
found splendid spots where there had
been more highway robbery going on
than any place east of Missouri, but I
was disgusted when I thought what
chumps those old highway robbers were,
compared to the American highway rob
bers and hold up men of the present day.
In Claude Duval's time he had a brace
of flint-lock pistols, which he had to ex
amine the priming every time a victim
showed up, and while he was polite
when he robbed a duchess, he used to kill
people all right, though if they had had
cameras at that time the flash from the
priming pan would have taken a flash
light picture of the robber, so he could
have been identified when he rode off in
the night to a roadside inn and filled up
on beer, while he counted the ten shil
lings be had taken from the silk purse
of the victim. Why, one of our Ameri-
"ALWAYS GLAD TO SERVE ANY OF
THE DESCENDANTS OP THE HE
ROES." SAID THE GUARD
can gangs that hold up a train, and get
an express safe full of greenbacks, and
shoots up a mess of railroad hands and
passengers with Winchesters and au
tomatic pistols, and blows up cars with
dynamite and gets away and has to have
a bookkkeeper and a cashier to keep
their bank accounts straight, could give
those old Claude Duvals and Sixteen
String Jacks cards and spades.
But civilization, dad says, has done
much for the highway robbery business,
and he says we in America have arrived
at absolute perfection. However, I was
much interested in looking over the
ground where my first heroes lived and
died, and did business, and when we
went to the prisons where they were
confined, and were shown where Ty
burn Tree stood, that so many of them
vere hung on, tears came to my eyes
at the thought that I was on the sacred
ground where my heroes croaked, and
went to their deaths with smiles on their
faces, and polite to the last. The guard
who showed us around thought that dad
and I were relatives of the deceased
highwaymen, and when we went away
he said to dad: "Call again, Mr. Duval.
Always glad to serve any of the descend
ants of the heroes. What line of robbery
are you in. Mr. Duval?" Dad was mad,
but he told the guard he was now on the
stock exchange, and so we maintained
the reputation of the family.
Then we hired horses and took a horse
back ride through Rotten Row. where
everybody in London that has the price,
rides a horse, and no carriages are al
lowed. Dad was an old cavalry man
forty years ago, and he is stuck on his
shape when he is on a horsed but he came
near breaking up the horse back parade
the day we went for the ride. The liv
eryman gave us two bob-tailed nags, a
big one for dad and a small one for me,
but they didn't have any army saddle for
dad, and he had to ride on one of these
little English saddles, such as jockeys
ride races on, and dad is so big where
he sits on a saddle that you couldn't see
the saddle, and I guess they gave dad
a hurdle jumper, because when we got
right amongst the riders, men and wom
en, his horse began to act up, and some
one yelled, "Tally-ho," and that is
something about fox hunting, not a
coach, and the horse,jumped a fence and
dad rolled off over the bowsprit and went
into a ditch of dirty water, and the horse
went off across a field, and the policemen
fished dad out of the ditch, and run him
through a clothes wringer or something,
and got him dried out, and sent him to
the hotel in an express wagon, and I rode
my horse back to the liveryman and told
him what happened to dad, and they
locked me up in a box stall until some
body found the horse, cause they
4.
light on a bright day is 18,000 times ,t™wgnt,dad was a horse thief, and they
held me for .ransom. But dad came
around before night and paid my ran
som, and we were released. Dad says
Rotten Row is rotten, all right enough,
v. by ginger It is, cause he has not got baby, and it looked so mudh
the smell of that ditch off his clothes
yet.
Now he has got a new idea, and that is
to go to some country where there are
bandits, different from the bandits here
in London, and be captured and taken to
the mountain fastnesses, and held for
ransom until our government makes a
fuss about it. and sends warships after
us. I tell dad it would be just our luck
to have our government fail to try to get
us, and the bandits might cut our heads
off and stick them on a pole as a warn
ing to people not to travel unless they
had a ransom concealed about their
clothes. But dad says he is out to see
all the sights, and he is going to be ran
somed berore he gets home, if it takes
every dollar our government has got. I
think he is going to work the bandit
racket when we get to Turkey, but, by
ginger, he can leave me at a convent, be-
A POLICEMAN FISHED DAD OUT OF
THE DITCH.
cause I don't want one of those crooked
sabers run into me and turned around
like a corkscrew. Dad says I can stay
in a harem while he goes to the moun
tains with the bandits, and I don't know
as I care, as they say a harem is the most
interesting- place in Turkey. You know
the pictures we have studied in the old
grocery, where a whole bunch of beau
tiful women are practicing useing soap
in a marble bath.
Well, don't you say anything to ma
about it, but dad has got his foot in it
clear up to the top button. It isn't any
thing scandalous, though there is a
woman at the bottom of it. You seej we
used to know a girl that left home to go
out into the world and earn her own liv
ing. She elocuted some at private par
ties and sanitariums, to entertain peo
ple that were daffy, and were on the
verge of getting permanent bats in their
belfry, and after a few years she got on
the stage, and made a bunch of money,
and went abroad. And then she had
married a titled person, and everybody
supposed she was a duchess, or a count
ess, and ma wanted us to inquire about
her when we got over here. Ma didn't
want us to go and hunt her up to board
with her, or anything, but just to get a
glimpse of high life, and see if our poor
little friend was doing herself proud in
her new station in life.
Gee, but dad found her, and she ain't
any more of a duchess than I am. Her
husband is a younger son of a titled per
son, but there isn't money enough in the
whole family to wad a gun, and our poor
girl is working in a shop or store, sell
ing corsets to support a lazy, drunken
husband and a whole mess of children,
and while she is seven removes from a
duchess, she does not rank with the
woman who washes her mother's clothes
at home. Gosh, but dad was hot when
he found her, and after she told him
about her situation in life he gave her
That night a couple 'of dukes came
around to the hotel to sell dad some
stock in a diamond mine in South Africa,
and they got to talking about how Eng
lish society held over our crude Ameri
can society, until dad got an addition to
the mad he had when he called on our
girl, and when one of the dukes said
America was being helped socially by
the marriage of American women to
titled persons, dad got a hot box, like
a stalled freight train.
Says dad, says he: ~"You Johnnies
are a lot of confidence men, who live
only to rope in rich American girls, so
you can marry them and have theirvdads
lift the mortgages on your ancestral es
tates, and put on tin roofs in place of the
mortgages, cause a mortgage will not
DAD DROVE THE DUKES OUT.
shed rain, and you get their money and
spend it on other women." One of the
dukes turned red like a lobster, and I
think he is a lobster, anyway, and he
was going to make dad stop talking, but
the duke didn't know dad, and he con
tinued. Says dad, says he: "I know a
rich old man in the States, who made
ten million dollars on pinkies, or break
fast food, and he had a daughter that
was so homely they couldn't keep a clock
going in the house.
"She came over here and got exposed
to a duke, and she had never been vacci
nated, and the first her father knew she
caught the duke, and came home, and he
followed her. Say,- he didn't know
enough to pound sand, and the old man
got several doctors for her, but they
couldn't break up the duke fever, and
finally the old pickle citizen asked him
how much the mortgage was, and how
much they could live on, and he bought
her the duke, and sent them off, and the
duke covered his castle with building
paper, so it would hold water, and they
set up housekeeping with a hundred
servants. Then the duke wanted a rac
ing stable, after the baby came, and the
old pickle man went over to see the
baby and it looked so muc like the old
",.
man that he invested in a racing stable.
and the servants bowed low to the old!
man and called him 'Your 'ighneas,' and
that settled the old pickle person, and he
fell into the trap of building a townhouse
in London.
"Then he went home and made some
more pickles, and the daughter cabled
him to come right over, as they bad been
invited to entertain the king and a lot of
other face cards in the pack. And the
old man thought itw ould be great to get
in the King row himself, so he shoveled
a lot of big bills into some packing
trunks and went over to fix up for the
king. The castle had to be redecorated
for about six miles, up one corridor and
down the other, but Old Pickles stood
the raise, because he thought it wou?d
be woi th the money to be on terms of m
iimacy with a king.
"Then when it Mas all ready, and the
old man was going to stand at the front
door and welcome the King, they made
him go to his room, back about a half
a mile in the rear of the castle, and for
two weeks old Pickles had his meals
brought to his room, and when it was
over, and his sentence had expired he
Mas let out, and all he saw of the grand
entertainment to the crowned heads was
a ravine full of empty wine bottles, a
case of jirojam? for a son-in-law a case
of nervous prostration for a daughter,
and hydrophobia for himself. My old
pickle friend has pot. at this date, three
million good pickle collars invested in
your d—d island, and all be has to show
for it is a sick daughter, neglected by
a featherhead of a husband, who will
only speak to old pickles when he wants
more money, and a grandchild that may
die teething at any time. You are a
nice lot of ducks to talk to me about
your English society being better than
our American civilization. You get,"
and dad drove the dukes out.
I think they are going to have dad ar
rested for treason. But don't tell ma,
cause she may think treason serious.
Yours. HENNERY.
AMERICA SUPREME IN TRADE
Statistics Show Conclusively That
This Country Leads the World
in Commerce.
During the last month, for the pur
pose of ascertaining the facts as to
America's relaive position, industrially,
among other nations, I have studied the
statistical reports of our own and other
leading nations, says a writer in Cent
Per Cent., and the investigations and
comment of almost every important
daily and financial journal in America.
The universal verdict of the press, irre
spective of party affiliations, is that
America's supremacy has been estab
lished and that the nation faces the
dawn of 1905 steadied by the knowledge
of the stupendous truth that, commer
cially, among the other nations of the
world, she stands for the first time in
the forefront and aione. The responsi
bility which comes with such knowledge
is sobering.
But the report of the bureau of statis
tics of the government's department of
commerce will of course carry greater
conviction than the news reports and
opinions of even the most reliable jour
nals. This report's figures are fn_ all
cases estimates, except of the census of
1900, but are approximately accurate
however, for the most important items
the actual figures are available.
In cotton consumption the percentage
of increase between 1880 and 1903 in the
United States is 107 per cent., as against
46 per cent, in the united kiEgdom, Ger
many and France combined in pig iron
437 per cent of increase for America,
against 102 per cent, increase in the
united kingdom, Germany. France and
a yellow-backed fifty-dollar bill, and'Russia combined in coal 364 per cent.
cam.e back to the hotel mad, and wanted
to pack up and go somewhere else,
where he didn't know any titled persons.
increase in America, against 82 per cent.^
increase in the four European countries
combined.
And as the percentage of increase is
larger, so the actual quantities of these
three articles consumed are larger. The
consumption of cotton in the United
States in 1903 exceeded by 33 per cent,
that of the united kingdom and was
nearly double that of Germany and
France combined of pig iron, the con
sumption in the United States was con
siderably more than double that'of the
united kingdom of coal, the consump
tion in the United States was nearly
double that of the united kingdom and
fully double that of Germany.
America has 82,000,000 people, a total
wealth of $106,000,000,000, and the cash
value of the cotton, corn and wheat
crops for the year is about $2,012,000,000.
The new year will be one of almost un
paralleled prosperity.
AUCUR FOR DRILLING SALT
Compressed Air Furnishes the Power
for Working the Device Which
Mines Mineral.
In Muskegon,-Mich., salt is used in
large quantities, and, consequently, the
warehouses of the firms dealing in it
are capacious enough to store away a
considerable supply, says Technical
World. As is well known, salt, on ac
count of its affinity lor water, is a sub
stance that has a tendency to harden and
cake when piled away auy length of
time, and some or the cellars where it
is stored contain beds of it 20 feet high,
and so hard that but little impression
can be made upon them even with the
pick or ax. For this reasona somewhat
curious device has been brought into use
to loosen the material so that it can
readily be secured. This is ailasge bor
ing tool, or augur, which is operated by
compressed air. The augur is mounted
on a wheeled truck, which is guided by
handles projecting from the rear of the
framework. The rear end of the augur
resolves in a socket fitted into the frame
work, while the air is admitted to the
socket from the hose which supplies it.
When operated the boring tool is pushed
against the mass of salt and the augur
is set in motion and in a minute or two,
so rapidly does, the tool work, a hole
about five inches in diameter is made in
the formation the entire length of th*
augur. Then another hole is drilled par
allel with the first, and another, until
the pile has been undermined, so to
speak, when its contents can easily be
broken out The advantage of this meth
od is seen when it is said that two mes
can get out as much salt by the power
method as two dozen men by using picks
and shovels.
Too Risky.
Simple—Only the brave deserve the
fair.
Spoofer—Only the very brave darit
take 'cm on nowadays.—Ally Sloper.
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